Chapter 89: Need To Talk

Blade had done what he'd become accustomed to by now, hiding his true feelings before interacting with anyone else. And though he didn't know it, he was similar to Shadow in that way, they both buried their feelings around the people they cared about. But Blade was also unaware of just how similar he really was to his lover.

Both had been pushed to their limits, mistreated and hurt by those around them. Shadow had dealt with it through his creative and brutal methods of killing. Blade on the other hand, had Shadow to keep him in check. But thinking on it, Blade realized that without Shadow, he would've been just like the darkrai.

"Hey, Xiphos?"

'Yes Blade?' The phantom mirror spoke appearing before the sneasel.

"If Shadow hadn't saved me all those years ago…if he never saved me, what would've happened?" Blade asked quietly.

'Well, I was technically a gift from lunala to keep you safe, and you saw what I'd become after years of being around Cleave…'

"So?"

'I wouldn't have let you die. Even if that meant killing anyone in sight. If Shadow hadn't saved you, I would have, but I don't think that would be salvation. If anything…'

"I'd have been just like him…" Blade whispered.

'Yeah, pretty much.'

"It's funny, the longer he's gone…the more I realize, I'm just as bad as he was…I've killed so many since he died, more than I had even when he was alive." Blade rubbed his eyes. "Thanks Xiphos, I needed to hear that."

The phantom sneasel vanished. And Blade descended the windmill he'd been perched atop. He wasn't a good pokemon, he knew that, but maybe if someone still cared, he could at least have some shred of happiness. His mind wandered to Ashachu, he still needed to know where they stood. The pikachu had said those magical words.

"Blade...it's alright. I...I love you too...And I got this!"

Those words had burned into his mind, a threat and a promise. He needed to talk, he needed to see where they stood. At least that could help him decide. 'If I even want to be alive anymore.'

The sneasel frowned at that thought. He wondered if Shadow would feel the same way in his position. No, of course not, Shadow was strong and silent, nothing hurt him…

That thought felt like a knife to his heart. But surely Shadow of all pokemon, could've found someone else, someone to replace him. He was just a sneasel, a runt at that, unwanted by his own pack, unwanted by the people he now burdened. Why would Shadow really care for such a weak, poor excuse for a…

'Don't even think that way!' Xiphos' voice returned. 'I don't know much, but Shadow loved you! He died trying to save you, remember! If you were so easily replaceable...'

"He'd still be alive." Blade spoke aloud. He still blamed himself, even phrased as a heroic act of sacrifice for the one he loved, Shadow's death was still Blade's fault in his own eyes. He glanced down at his claws, he hadn't quite noticed it before, but they looked dirty, stained a deep red. "I killed him. If he just left me behind, he'd be alive right now. I did what nobody else could, I killed Shadow…" he chuckled feeling the tears cascading down his face. Even as the tears dropped upon his claws that crimson stain remained. He turned his attention to a nearby stream, kneeling down and dunking his claws into the water.

Beneath the water they soaked, and he began grinding his claws together, as if trying to wash the red stain out of them. Even through his tear soaked eyes he could see that red wasn't going away. In truth it was all in his mind, his claws were as white as they were sharp. But he saw blood stained upon them. Shadow's blood.

He felt the phantom sneasels arms wrap around him. 'Blade stop. It wasn't your fault.'

He tilted his head back and splashed water in his own face, wiping his tears away moments later.

"It was, and always will be." The sneasel slapped himself across the face and adopted his typical cocky smirk that he always wore around the others.

And he began strolling off, he quickly picked up Ashachu's scent, following it.

"Ashachu…ASHACHU. Is that you…" it didn't take the sneasel long to find him, but he wasn't alone.

"Blade?" Geyser seemed surprised at his arrival. As surprised as Blade was to see the samurott here. More surprising was it looked like Ashachu was under Geyser's paws again.

Blade let out a slight chuckle at his position.

"What's up," Geyser asked.

"Errr…" Blade couldn't help the wide grin forming on his face. "I was looking for Ashachu. I want to talk to ya, kiddo…But…" He chuckled again, folding his arms. "…Think ya might be a bit busy right now… Let me guess. Ya challenged bro here to a fight and got your ass handed to you on a silver platter. Tut-tut Ashy-boi will you never learn." Blade welcomed this as a distraction from his other issues.

Ashachu groaned loudly throwing back his head and rolling his eyes. "Oh great, Blade's here…You just couldn't wait to see me restrained and on display again could you. Dirty Sneasel."

Blade knelt down and gave a backhand slap to Ashachu's foot paw. "Still haven't learnt how to serve your betters, have ya kiddo." This would be a very good distraction indeed.

"Ugh I hate you both," Ashachu pouted.