22: In Dreams

"Do you remember Feynriel?"

It never failed to amaze her how people assumed she would remember everything she had done during her time in Kirkwall. She had packed quite enough under her hat but recalling it half the time was a problem. "Not in the least," she said finally, draining the rest of her ale before gesturing for another. Tonight, was supposed to be Wicked Grace in Varric's personal rooms but nobody had come minus her, Fenris, Isabela and Anders. Anders was terrible at the game so Varric hadn't bothered dealing the cards, they had all instead just enjoyed drinks and conversations.

"The half-breed boy, the one with the nightmares."

"Ohhhh, yeah. The one we helped escape the city?" She was a terrible citizen, helping apostates flee but the poor kid had had some weird nightmares and the Circle here wasn't very nice. No doubt he would have been made tranquil or something. "He's with the Dalish isn't he?"

"He is, sort of." Anders wasn't entirely sure how or why it was him they had come too, maybe because he was easier to get to than Beau was. "I got word today from Arianni, his mother. She asks that you would come visit her in the alienage."

"See, you should have led off with her, I remember her much more." Because she actually seen Arianni from time to time in Lowtown. The Dalish woman who had left her clan to have an affair with a human merchant and borne his unwanted half-breed. That just sucked. "I'll pop in tomorrow." Obviously, it wasn't pressing because he was just now giving her the message. Unlike her and years ago when she had forgotten about that pregnant woman… she was a bad Beau. "About Feynriel?"

"I assume so, she didn't give me much to go on besides she needs to speak with you."

"Maybe I should go now," Beau pushed her pint away, standing up and grinned when Varric broke off his conversation with Isabela. "I'm making a trip to the alienage."

"Ooh, an evening jaunt with the elves?" Isabela chuckled, shaking her head as she finished her own drink. "Is this an all hands-on deck situation?"

"No idea."

"It's Hawke," Varric was already getting up, reaching for Bianca. "It's always a hands-on deck situation." He hadn't forgiven her for ignoring him and running headfirst into that qunari gas situation.

Fenris scowled when all eyes turned onto him. "I will come." He said grudgingly, pushing himself up as well. "But only because the last time you barreled headfirst into stupidity, you nearly died."

"For, the record, I've never been in the Fade before and it's quite creepy." Beau informed her companions as she took in the floating book. "I wish I could've brought Loghain, he'd shred that damned thing."

"Are dogs susceptible to possession?"

"Anders told me once that a cat in a circle was possessed… maybe it's best if my hound remains out of here."

"I had not thought to return in such a way."

Every stray strand of fine body hair she had was standing on end now as Beau turned to face Anders. That wasn't Ander's voice. She had heard it before, briefly, or tinges of it melded with his. The blue and white crackling across his skin, throughout him like lightening, the way his eyes were nothing but that odd light.

"It is good to breathe in the Fade again and not the stale air of your world."

"You're not Anders," she said it softly, realizing that bringing Anders into the Fade might not have been a good idea. At the time, she had figured he was the best suited for it, being a mage and all.

"I am Justice," he stared at her, or she was assuming anyway, without proper eyes it was hard to tell. "Anders has told me of you."

"How does that work if you two are one and the same?" Because obviously, they were not. Her impression from what she had been told was that they had merged, she needed to learn about this kind of thing. Were there any books on this topic? Probably not.

Justice didn't bother answering that. "Come." He was already walking away. "I sense Feynriel's mind straining."

"Well, isn't he fun?" Varric snorted, sharing a look with Beau as they followed, Fenris bringing up the rear. Isabela had slinked off somewhere between the bar and here, meaning she got to miss all the joys of being in the Fade. Now he could say he had and he wasn't keen on doing it again. "I actually miss Blondie."

"Me too."

As it turned out, Justice was becoming her most reliable companion in the damn Fade. Beau was SICK of demons. What was really bothersome was the fact that her 'friends' were turning on her. "You can't be serious."

Varric was very serious, and conflicted, it showed. But serious. "Hawke…"

Hadn't they just turned down a deal? With that demon, Torpor? Even if she hadn't been automatically against demons on principal, including their deals, Justice wouldn't have allowed it. "Varric…" Come on, he had been her tightest friend since she had met him, outside of Aveline anyway. She should have brought Aveline, the fiery red head wouldn't even have considered entertaining the demon's offer. "Do you really want to be a back-stabbing bastard?"

"I always did want to wipe that smirk off his face…"

"Balls!"

"Not you too… I have shitty friends." Granted, she hadn't cared much for Fenris when they had first met but like a wart, he had sort of grown on her. Being betrayed like this, over offers from demons, was bruising her pride. Not to mention, it was making her question whether or not her friends were as loyal to her as she always thought she was to them. It was supposed to be a two-way street, right? "Fenris… don't do this, we'll both regret it."

"Are you resorting to threats?"

"Well, I was thinking that was a gentle warning but if you wish it to be a threat, then so be it. Turn on me and I'll end you." She had never bothered sheathing her daggers and now had them up between him and her, her entire stance shifting as she prepared for battling another so-called 'friend'.

"I have faced far worse than you, Hawke."

"You're making a DEAL with a DEMON!"

"And he is so quick to condemn others for the same sin."

Anders! Anders had pushed through whatever Justice was doing to hold him back to say that, she almost giggled. It was so Anders, taking this chance to shoot off a nasty, sneering observation. He wasn't wrong however, the hypocrisy was so blatant that if it wasn't a life or death situation, she might've grabbed Fenris by his pointy ears and jerked them right off his stupid head.

"What… would you want from me?" Fenris turned his attention back to the demon, blatantly dismissing her and her warnings.

Beau lunged before he could attack her, fury racing through her entire body.

Anders was quiet as he walked Beau home. All in all, the night hadn't gone so bad, for him. Feynriel had survived and taken off for Tevinter, that was a win in his book. She, however, she had taken a blow when it came to her friends, their friends -well, not Fenris, screw him. He had a feeling it was Varric's betrayal that had hurt her the worst. "Will you be okay?" he asked quietly, halting outside the door, mindful to keep to the shadows as guards were patrolling Hightown and he was in his customary robes, complete with a staff.

"I will be," she sighed, procuring her key to let herself in and gestured for him to follow. It was quiet inside, it was late, which meant everyone was most likely in bed. Beau dropped down onto a bench in the hall, beginning to undo her boots. "You can use the tunnels."

"Thank you." He didn't know what to do with himself, finally sitting beside her and slumped back against the wall. "Being in the Fade was disconcerting, Justice taking over the way he did."

"Turns out it was a good thing; we see what happened with the other two."

"Nothing like being possessed to keep you on the straight and narrow."

It wasn't really that funny, but he was laughing anyway, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. "I'm not sure if you and Justice are one and the same, not anymore."

"I'm not either. With… everything that is going on…." He groaned, bringing a hand up to rub at the scruff on his jaw. "In the Fade, there is no sense of time, it's all emotion. Justice never knew how to just sit and wait, I'm afraid I have… my anger, I'm afraid of what it has made him."

"He didn't sound too bad in the Fade."

She was out of her mind. He had confessed that he wasn't sure about Justice anymore, perhaps he had even inadvertently lied to her about it years ago, but now, here she was, as accepting as always. It made his head spin and his heart both leap in joy and ache from sorrow. "I swear, every time I think I've made sense of you, you say or do something that leaves me guessing all over again."

"That's me, always keeping them on their toes," Beau joked then fell silent, leaning back with him. Silence reigned for awhile as they just sat there, their shoulders touching and neither saying a word. It was nice. She didn't feel the need to prattle on, ask questions, none of it. She was content in this moment.

So was he.