Revamped!

[Thank you to the Guest who left the review about Levana and my Kaider scenes! And, yeah, Levana isn't really a villain at all. I remember one of the earliest reviews I got on this story saying how Levana was too nice and I didn't think she was. Levana in this story says some mean things and come off as rude and self-serving but she isn't the same villain as the books. In this AU, she has no intentions to be a villain. And thank you for saying that I'm getting better at my Kaider scenes! Looking ahead, the big Kaider chapter is in about two chapters.] [2020: The fact that Levana was the story's scandal … what a Blackburn.]

Act of Kai-ndness: Part Six

Kai didn't want to be at this campaign party. He would rather be anywhere else but here.

Torin asked Kai to campaign alongside him and Levana to help his father's cause. Kai's first answer was a hard and explicit no. Then, Torin explained the benefits for not only the election but mostly for Kai himself. It would help his grieving and keep himself busy. Kai's response to that was more of an implied and polite pass. The conversation ended with Torin persuading Kai to come to this campaign party and at least show his face so people know he's still around and Kai said yes as their compromise. It helped a bit that Mallory and the twins were here because seeing the girls bounce around entertained him.

Kai regrets it immediately. People spoke to him and it's not that he didn't want to speak to them, he didn't feel up to par. He felt as if he was faking through every smile and comment and forcing conversations. He told people he was fine when he wasn't. For some reason, that response always came out automatically when he wasn't thinking. He guessed that it was easier to say he was fine so he could spare everyone and himself the burden.

Once he's finally away from people, Kai heads over to the side and grabs a quick water bottle. He drinks it and looks over to one of the display tables. A lot of those pictures show his father's legacy as mayor starting from the moment he was elected, to Kai's birth, and his final days. That makes Kai realize that not only did he grow up as a product of his father but the city did as well.

Could his sadness by symbiotic with Commonwealth's? They were both stabbed in the heart by his father's death and didn't want to be in the current situation they're in so it only makes sense that way.

Kai must be so out of his mind that he's relating himself to a city.

The moment he feels tears forming in his eyes the longer he looks at the photos, he turns away, blinking the tears back as fast as he can. He looks out towards the crowds of people who showed up and to his surprise, he sees someone around his age and it's Thorne who came with his parents. In a shock to see him present, Kai subtly waves his hand in the air to try and capture Thorne's attention. However, when Thorne seems too preoccupied with trying not to drop asleep at his parents' feet, he pulls out his phone to text him.

Kai: Why are you even here?

Kai looks up from his screen, keeping the chat open. He watches as Thorne perks up a little due to his phone's notifying vibration. Thorne reads the message and starts looking around for Kai. When he spots him, he waves excitedly. Kai feels happy to see someone here to help distract him from all this. Thorne glances back down at his phone to respond to the text.

Captain Thorne: Moral support.

Kai: I didn't even know I was coming here.

Captain Thorne: I didn't think you'd be here. My parents made me and said there was free food.

Captain Thorne: Nobody seems to care that I'm here which hurts my ego *crying emojis*

Kai looks back up at Thorne and sees him fake crying. Kai rolls his eyes as he goes back to responding. He wishes he could switch places with Thorne and have none of the attention on him.

Kai: I wish I was in your shoes now. I would give anything to be ignored.

Kai: Go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated.

Captain Thorne: But I'm tolerated here and they have free food. It's a win-win.

If only Kai felt the same way about that.

-o-

Thorne stands by his parents' side at the campaign event in support of Torin on behalf of Mayor Rikan. As much as he supports Torin himself, Thorne is so bored that he would rather be doing homework. He can't believe it either! His parents drone on to their friends about how insane the opposition is and for once, Thorne agree with them because of what his friends experienced at that rally and the stories on their social media platforms about almost dying and inhaling too much paint fumes.

"Our son is friends with Kai Rikan," his mother says. She looks at Thorne. "Isn't that right, Carswell?"

They all turn to look at Thorne and that question was bad timing on their part because he uncontrollably yawned. His parents' combined faces look embarrassed, disappointed, and unamused. Thorne didn't mean to yawn but he's glad he did because that reaction in front of their friends was worth it. He finds it oddly satisfying to hear that Kai has become a new status criterion in the city.

"Yeah, we're tight," Thorne responds.

Now he parents look as if they should've left him at home. And for the second time tonight, Thorne agrees.

"Where is Kai, by the way?" His father asks this time.

Thorne looks around for Kai. They were texting for a bit before Kai got dragged into some conversation. Now, he's drowned in the endless sea of people. Thorne looks back at his parents and shrugs. To pass the time and quench his thirst, he opens a pop can and it fizzes louder than he expects. His parents and their friends all give him deadpanned expressions. Thorne looks at them and shushes his pop can before taking a sip.

-o-

Leaning against a brick wall outside the venue is Kai. It's dark and he hopes that nobody notices that he stepped out for a bit. If anything, everyone will assume Kai is talking to someone else across the room or handling Torin's twins so, in hindsight, nobody will be looking for him. It's great since he doesn't want to be found.

Kai showed up, he spoke to people, he did his part.

It wasn't the faking of his sanity that got him nor was it the endless condolences or comments about how his father was a good man. None of it. It was seeing those family photos that triggered him. Duplicates and variations of those photos are back at his house: either in albums, frames on the wall, on tables; they're somewhere waiting to be looked at and Kai never wanted to anymore.

He can't see a family photo without realizing that he's now the only one alive. He can't see any reminder of Commonwealth and think about how they're both orphans. He said it himself about his dad at his funeral, "He was the heart of Commonwealth and losing him was like taking that out and the blood no longer knowing where to go." Forget about being able to relate himself to the city, Kai is related to the city. They're both sad and lost, not knowing what to do with themselves in the moment. People suggest things and they ignore it because although they want to feel loved, they also want to be alone.

Time usually goes by slowly when people are alone often, which he has been recently. Solitude is nice but not after people start talking to themselves and crying in the dark way more than they should and children are the ones comforting him past their bedtimes. Company is needed which is why he gave his friends all keys to his house despite him living with Torin now. The only issue is that they wouldn't burst in out of their will (all jokes aside) because they don't know what boundaries he would let them cross.

And to be frank, he isn't sure either.

He hasn't been through this enough to know what he wants versus what he needs. And, as much as he hates to do this comparison, the same applies to Commonwealth who has been under the same leadership for years and that might be thrown away.

Tears start rolling down Kai's face. All the ones that were pent-up from the entire evening pour out.

"My mother's been gone for twelve years and that's longer than the time I've had with her. As time passes, that same feeling will eventually come with my dad but those memories from both my parents are something that nobody can ever take away from me," he said at the funeral. Was it a good thing that he still had his eulogy from his father's funeral memorized? It often played on repeat in his mind and no matter what he does, it can't shut up.

He was a kid so his memories of his mom are simple and fragmented. He isn't sure if what he knows is authentic or something he made up to fill in the blanks. His father's funeral is still bright in his mind whereas his mom's is a shadowy blur. Admittedly, he misses his dad more than his mom. He misses her as well but it's like a distant, beautiful place that's much too fantastic to be reality. He barely remembers what she sounds like but his dad's voice is still in his head and he can't lose that.

Besides, his dad was the mayor. If he forgot the sound of his voice, he could look up an old press conference. He's done that before.

Kai suddenly realizes that his eulogy made no sense anymore: how could someone take away memories of his mother if he doesn't have any substantial ones worth taking? He should've asked his father more about his city, his mother - both of which he thought he knew but as it turns out, he doesn't know at all. All the information he had on them were constructed for himself and because those were wonderful, it hurts him even more now when he realizes he's been lying to himself this whole time.

Everything is fine until events beyond the control of the stars take over. He could've tried to take the reins on the small yet major events that changed his life in hopes of making a difference to get a better outcome, but when they happened, it's not like red flags were waving in the air to give him that message.

"Kai, I think I'll step down from being mayor soon," his father told him early on. That should've been his indicator because, after over a decade of being mayor, his dad wouldn't choose to step down unless it was urgent. He should've said something or asked questions then instead of staring at his father blankly. He doesn't think he still understands how his father died. It still felt like a nightmare he woke in. He's still in complete shock, unable to fathom the words used to describe how he felt about it which destroyed him.

That's the worst of it when someone dies - people blame themselves. They can't rid themselves of the feeling that they could've prevented it.

[I'm a mix of Kai and Thorne at boring adult parties: don't want to be there or be spoken to.]

[If you want to know my mood while writing this chapter, it's sad Christmas music (and I typed this chapter in January).] [2020: I'm listening to I Still Believe from Cinderella III.]