A Hunter's Guide for Running a Hotel

XVII

Dreamlike Reflection

THE HUNTER'S DREAM…

Charlie had seen a lot during her (comparatively) short lifespan. Her experiences let her acclimate to the wild and bizarre denizens of Hell, and the strange things they did and said. She could expect many things to happen at any point of the day. However, for all of her adaptability, she still didn't expect to end the rather…productive…day back in the Hunter's Dream after her head hit the pillow, completely exhausted. Even though she was caught flat-footed, she had a feeling the Hunter would want to speak to her without Vaggie prying in on their conversation, and potentially damaging what little trust he had built up. Before she knew it, she was seated on a simple yet elegant chair the Doll had seemingly set up before her arrival, and stared at the Hunter, who sat opposite the tea table that had appeared from thin air. Silence filled the air as the two stared at one another, neither sure what exactly to say.

What was there that could be said? 'I'm sorry I filled your head with the deranged ramblings of a half-formed being, causing you to end up here?' 'I'm sorry my girlfriend triggered your extremely volatile trauma, causing you to mangle half a hundred Sinners?' Admitting either of these could result in yet another tear-filled breakdown, this time from either party. And mortals said that negotiating was difficult.

This went on for an uncomfortably tense while, until the Hunter's closest friend walked towards their table, laden with a tray, and placed porcelain cups before them. She then took the kettle and poured a fine scented tea into the cups, then took a step back. "Your tea is ready."

The Hunter wasted no time by grabbing his cup of tea and raising it to his lips, slightly revealing a portion of his face as he pulled down his mouth mask to his bottom lip, before blowing into his cup. Charlie could see a new part of his face, though his tricorne hat and mouth cloth covered the rest. Even with the slight view she had, she could see just how young his face was. Mid-twenties maybe? While she was studying his mouth, the Hunter was in his own world again. 'Ah, she's outdone herself again. Always natural at making the finest tea. No wonder I enjoy it so much.' As he was savoring the taste, while also relishing the Doll's skills at brewing, he realized that Miss Morningstar was looking at him, while not drinking her tea?

He turned and saw that she hadn't even touched it yet, too busy staring into his face. "Miss Morningstar? Your tea is growing cold."

"A-ah…" She realized, picking the slightly cooled tea and drank it. She let out a small, embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry, Hunter. I was distracted by your…unorthodox methods earlier. Not that that's a bad thing really!" She frantically explained, not wanting to explicitly say 'You scared me'.

"Is that so..." He said, expecting this response from her. Now they could truly begin. "Then I must apologize for my actions. I simply…delved too deep in your lover's methods. I didn't expect her to choose a battlefield." Even knowing Vaggie was a Fallen Angel (An Exorcist in fact, that patch covering her ripped-out eye was a dead giveaway. Coupled with that shattered fragments of a halo, ripped wings and that spear), he decided to keep that out of the conversation. Not his story to tell, after all. "How have you found this Dream so far, Miss Morningstar?"

"It's relaxing," She admitted, looking around the workshop before turning back to him. "This place reminds me somewhat of the Hotel but…calmer. There's no sounds of distant gunfire, there's no chaos happening inside or out, and only you and the Doll are present." Taking a deep breath through her nose, she continued. "And the smell! Fresh air isn't really easy to come by in Hell! But here, it all smells nice and clean!"

"Most gracious of you, Miss Charlie," The Doll spoke up, reminding the pair that she was still present. "The Good Hunter has given me much praise for my skills." It was true, in the sense that the Doll refused to allow any form of filth to exist within the Dream. If there was a speck of dust, a tiny spot of blood, or even an errant thread from a coat, it would be gone in the blink of an eye. Many times she had nearly scrubbed him like a particularly dirty cat after a Hunt, and his only savior was his personal hygiene routine. Yharnam be damned, he would never let himself stoop as low as soaking himself in blood willingly. Covered, yes, but soaked implied he let it seep underneath his attire. He had standards to uphold after all.

"You're welcome miss...uh…Doll, and I'm glad that the Hunter isn't alone all the time."

The topic had shifted again. But this time, the Hunter was ready. He had taken the time while Charlie was conversing with the Doll to get his thoughts in order.

"Miss Morningstar, I believe now would be a good time for a proper explanation. From myself, instead of my writing." Charlie snapped her head in his direction. He had finally managed to steel himself for this, to reflect upon all of his mistakes, misfortunes, and memories. He could suppress the bulk of them, but even now names, places, and events were floating to the surface. Patches, Mensis, The B̵̹̖̻̠̂̀̚̕l̶̺̈̀͑ó̷͓͈̞̖o̶̱̟͔̒̂̔͘d̶̨̼̦͐͜ ̷͍̙͐̈́M̵͓̰̏͘͝o̴̯̱̥͊o̵̹͆̈́̏n̶͖̈́̑͐̎.

Taking a deep breath, and willing himself to stop fidgeting, he opened his mou-

"What a great fucking day it has been! Moxxie, great shooting! Pro as usual! Millie, great fucking mess you made," And then he snapped it shut. He and Charlie turned to see three familiar imps, who wore their attire the Hunter had gifted them, entering the workshop. Immediately, he felt dread pool in his heart as they split apart. These Imps were a disaster waiting to happen, and here he was with Charlie in tow. Blitzø, either ignoring or simply not noticing either of them, swaggered up to the table and proceeded to drink the entire teapot before he chucked it to the ground, breaking it. He gave a long, loud belch, then began raiding the kitchen for alcohol.

Millie, having noticed the Hunter's presence, decided to ask him something. "Hey, Hunter! Mind if I snatch this from ya? My throat's parched from all the maniacal laughing I did earlier."

He shook his head, internally sighing. 'At least this one has manners.' "Not at all." He handed Millie his cup, and she drained it in a single mouthful, before setting the cup down and walking off to sharpen her axe.

Unsurprisingly, Moxxie was the only one of the three to properly greet the Doll. "Hello, Miss Doll! Apology for our rude intrusion."

The Doll chuckled at his words. "It's alright, Mr. Moxxie. You are welcome here any time, after all."

The other Male imp nodded, then looked to the table to see the Hunter staring at him, alongside…oh SHIT! Moxxie just realized who was sitting on the opposite side. "Her Majesty is here!?"

Upon hearing that, Millie stopped sharpening her axe and stared where her husband was looking. Blitzø just gave a mutter of "uh huh" while robbing the Hunter of his scotch and brandy. He then realized what was wrong, stopped raiding the kitchen, turned to see who sat with the Hunter, and froze when he realized oh shit that's LUCIFER'S SPAWN. The three imps stared at the princess before they overcame their shock. "THE FUCK?!"

Blitzø recovered first and could see the irony at play. "What do you know? Hunter here has a connection to royalty!" He then mockingly doffed his non-existent hat and swept it over his feet as he bowed low. "My fairest lady, would you be oh so posh as to excuse thine own poor manners?" The Hunter took physical damage as the worst Victorian accent he had ever heard in his life punched him in the nose. And the grammar was unacceptable! He'd have to hammer it into the Imp's skull (possibly literally) when "posh" and "thine" were acceptable to use!

As the Hunter was glaring spears into Blitzø, Millie remembered the etiquette class she had half-paid-attention-to. "Greetings Miss Majesty! Or uh… Hello Your Morningstar! No wait, that one doesn't make any sense either." As she scratched her scalp trying to remember what to say, Moxxie actually knew what to say and how to say it.

"Hey Hunter! Hey Miss Morningstar!" Simple and polite. Best way to deal with Hellborn nobility, since you never knew just how volatile some of them could be. While Charlie couldn't be called volatile in any means, it also never hurt to be polite.

"Are these some friends of yours? You've managed to progress so well!" Charlie was ecstatic. It was great news that the Hunter had been drawn out of his shell by something other than wanton violence and leather. This was a step in the right direction, despite their crassness. "I was just chatting with the Hunter here about…things that happened yesterday." Charlie almost let slip he nearly butchered an entire gang in a manic episode, hopefully they wouldn't pick up on that.

"Oh? What kind of things~" The apparent leader asked in a singsong voice, his toothy grin twisting into a sinister smile. 'Just a tiny bit of dirt and his edgy cool guy persona is toast! This is revenge for all the shit you put us through!'

"The kind of things that don't involve you." The Hunter ground out through gritted teeth. This was supposed to be a heartfelt, incredibly vulnerable moment for him, and here were his old coworkers about to make a mess! If Charlie found out about their relationship, she'd give him one of her 'I'm not mad just kinda disappointed' looks that would tear his heart to shreds. He had to shut him up before he said anything incriminating! He hated using this trick, but he had no choice. "Moxxie."

The aforementioned party, having not expected the Hunter's voice in his head, almost jumped out of his skin. 'What the fuck!? You can read my mind?!'

"No. Transmit messages. Telegraph style. Charlie does not know your profession. Do not let that change. Silence the oaf. Do NOT fail."

"Hey Hun, remember those muffins the Doll helped us bake earlier?" Moxxie, always quick on the draw, reacted the moment the whispers stopped talking. As she nodded, Moxxie breathed a sigh of relief. Blitzø's attention was drawn away from talking too much, to the promise of food, saving them once again. However, more complications arose.

"Where the FUCK are they?!" Millie had come back empty-handed, instead clenched into tight fists as she stomped out of the kitchen. "Who touched them! You?!" Her accusing finger swung to the Hunter, who, despite his great strength, felt fear in that moment as he hastily shook his head while raising his hands.

"You!?" Her finger was then thrust at Charlie, who understood the woman's plight, and sadly shook her head, worried for whichever poor fool ate the pastries that weren't theirs. Daddy learned this the hard way whenever he ate one of Mother's favorite apple fritters without asking.

"You?!" Blitzø was on the receiving end this time, but was prepared.

"I don't know what you're talking about! I didn't eat any blueberry muffins!" As he spun his tale, he forgot to account for the fact that he was still chewing on it. Also, most of the dozen he had eaten now stained his front, dying his collar blue. He remembered this after he had swallowed the last bite, and Millie had started snorting steam.

"So it was you!" Millie had worked very hard on those pastries. She'd meant for them to be eaten here so Moxxie and her could have a meal that wasn't fouled by the smells of sulfur, blood and piss that pervaded the entirety of Pride.

"Uh-oh…" Blitzø realized his slip-up too late. With half a second to think, he used his tactical genius earned from his training to devise a solution. Within the next half of the second, he had his plan. He bolted as fast and as far as he could. Naturally, this only made the female imp madder.

"Hey! Get back here, Blitz!" She shouted at her boss, grabbing her axe as she stormed after her boss.

Moxie could only sigh at what was about to happen. The thought of his wife chasing his boss with her axe reminded him of a comedy film with that premise. Then he remembered what the Hunter had asked- no, demanded from him. Sucking through his teeth, he slowly turned to gauge the reaction of his boss' boss. When he received a stiff nod, he released the breath he had held. Coast was clear today.

"Well then… they're a lively bunch aren't they?" While it was nice to see the Hunter making friends, Charlie would have been shocked if he had managed to find a single peaceful soul in Hell. It seemed that trouble gravitated towards him, and the other way around too.

"Yes…quite. I hope their actions don't cause any distress, for while they have their faults, they have grown on me it seems. I enjoy their presence… for the most part at least. Speaking of, how fare the others? I left in a rush."

While the Hunter was talking about what he had done during his week, and Moxxie was silently watching, in truth both were sending messages back and forth across the shitty mental connection the Hunter had made between the two as fast as they could. Both were at Defcon one levels of stress, Hunter guiding Moxxie on what to say for their cover stories, and Moxxie guiding the Hunter on the fine arts of small talk.

It was like he had never spent more than a minute talking to someone! Moxxie was walking a razor wire of keeping him engaged while also not having him say too much at the same time!

In the very least, their cover stories were simple: They were bodyguards, each member having a specialty. Blitzø was the distraction and emotional support, to keep the VIP's enemies guessing while also keeping said VIP from panicking and doing something stupid. Millie was the muscle, to bounce anyone trying to get close and take a few teeth for the trouble. He was recon and threat removal, to discern any potential threat, and removing whoever or whatever it is before it becomes a threat. Cover story complete and proven, because they had a gig upcoming with a Noble soon (Here he was talking out of his ass, no way would anyone hire Imps as bodyguards. Hellhounds exist after all!).

Now, he just had to keep the Hunter talkin- aaaand they're back.

"GIVE THEM BACK!" Blitzo was caught. Then wrung like a wet rag. Moxxie knew this because his boss' limp form was flung at the stairs of the porch. He seemed…hollow. Had Millie actually squeezed him?

"Honey, I got them back!" Oh of fucking course she did. As Moxxie tried not to hurl at the sight of his wife holding blueberry and alcohol goop, Charlie had a slight curiosity.

"You said you met them during the week? Are these the "temporary co-workers" you told me about?"

"Quite so. Our arrangement was simple: I aid their skills, they leave me be." The Hunter tried to be vague about it, but without Moxxie in his head telling what to and what not to say, he was flying by the seat of his pants.

"Leave you alone? Why? Were they bothering you?" Charlie, too caring for her own good, started poking holes in his story. He had to tread carefully. Any wrong words and she'd be onto him.

"They were…asking for my attention. They saw me as better, and wanted to learn from the best, so it seems." Wait he was forgetting somet-

"You're a bodyguard? I didn't know that!" Charlie was happy, the Hunter had a job that wasn't strictly violence and bloodshed! True, it wasn't perfect, but now he's not actively fighting something! "I'm glad you're finding a life down here that you enjoy doing. Even if it isn't quite what I had in mind for you." While both a breath of relief that she didn't catch on, and a lie by omission that would weigh down his soul, he caught onto the last part of her statement with a well-timed deflection.

"What did you have in mind for me, Miss Morningstar?" Now he was curious, just what did she think he did for a day job?

"W-well." She was nervous. Not good. Was she catching on? Did she know? "With your accent and…skills, I kinda saw you working as either a bartender or bouncer. Every one of those I've known was either European or incredibly muscular. And you fit both bills! N-not that I'm saying that's all you're capable of, just that I can see you working as one and-"

While Charlie rambled in an attempt to save face, the Hunter was in thought. 'A bartender? Me? With a long apron and a beard? Father would cackle until he turned blue, then he'd buy a pint and laugh even more. Mother would be distraught, but she wouldn't mind the coin. Hmmm… I remember old Bill telling me the stories behind each of his tattoos, and I remember being enthralled by his tales. I wonder which of my own tales should I weave into ink and skin? Bah, none can beat Bill's wild fables. But, it is not an unpleasant dream.'

As the Hunter was being drawn deeper and deeper into his fantasies, the world was turning on without him. Blitzø had recovered…somehow and was now bothering Charlie again. "So tell me, what kind of dirty little secrets is our dear Hunter hiding? Something, anything! I gotta find something to ridicule him with, come on give me something!" Now he was begging her while crying loudly. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Before he could get his answer, he was grabbed on the collar by Moxxie, who was also dragging his wife. Simply put, he wants his Boss's Boss and Charlie to be left alone, so he decided swift retreat was in order. "Hey guys I think we overstayed our welcome we should probably go ok bye!" He blurted out as fast as possible, trying to prevent a disaster from unfolding.

"But-" His boss tried to utter.

"Don't you have that thing tonight with him?" His subordinate reminded him, desperate to keep him distracted. He also didn't drop any important names, because he didn't want Charlie to investigate their little group.

"Oh shit you're right! See you fuckers later, I'm getting me some ass!" With this, Blitzø bowled over his subordinates in excitement before exiting the shop. Reaching the lamp at the bottom of the stairs, the suddenly horny Imp slammed headfirst into it, causing it to burst into purple mist that shrouded the three members of I.M.P. When it cleared, they were gone.

Watching them depart, Charlie just let out a giggle before turning to face the Hunter. "They're a bunch of goofballs, aren't they?"

"Yes, Miss Morningstar." He responded, seeing the Doll and Messengers cleaning up the mess they made within the workshop. "They could be rowdy at times. But overall, they're good people." Now that it was only them, he thought it would be time to resume their previous conversation. "Now, about what we were about to discuss prior to their interruption."

The Princess of Hell sobered up from her amusement quickly. Back to business then. "Yes."

"I believe we have all night to have this discussion," The Hunter revealed, having his cup returned and the teapot was somehow repaired to its original form. "So let's not mince words, shall we? I owe you an explanation after all. But before I begin, a question I have pondered for a while."

He leaned forward, almost halfway over the table. "What does the name K̴̦̔o̴̻̚ŝ̵͖ mean to you?"

"My ex-boyfriend's great-aunt? I don't think I've ever talked to her, but what does she have to do with this?"

"...Huh?"

That was awkward between the Hunter, Charlie, and the three members of I.M.P. At least, they manage to keep shut of their Professions as Assassins. For now, at least. For now. If you are all wondering what the I.M.P's Outfits, Weapons and Tools the Hunter gift them, here it is.

Blitzø: Dual Repeating Pistol, Whirligig Saw, Yharnam Hunter Set, and Tiny Tonitrus

Millie: Millie's Guillotine, Fist of Gratia, Executioner Set with the Hunter's Tricorne, and Old Hunter's Bone

Moxxie: Gatling Gun, Canon, Evelyn, Noble Dress, and Empty Phantasm Shell

Loona: Beast Claw, Blunderbuss, Harrowed Set, and Beast Roar

Now that is out of the way, here are our notes.

Crimson Soldat: Now, just a heads up, both the Hunter and the Hazbin Hotel staff will not be present in the next two chapters. Reason being is the I.M.P's well paid-off training which will be displayed in two episodes of Helluva Boss.

HalfWitHillbilly: Remember how excited Blitzo was to see Stolas again? Yeah you're about to find out why. Also, Hunter killing off someone Charlie vaguely knew? I wonder how that's gonna turn out.

CS: Just wait. Folks. It is going to be one helluva ride. Heh, get it because it's Helluva Boss?

HH: I wanna die after that pun. As revenge, the next chapter will be a 10 thousand word lemon. You did this to yourself Crimson.

Comment down below what you want to see in future chapters! Right now, we have to go through the first Extermination first before anything else. For now, we will be looking at mostly original content.

With that said, we'll see you in the next update!