Now I really want to go on vacation. Screw quarantine.

Sifting Through Cinder: Part Four

Commonwealth, The Earthen Union

Once Kai got closer to the cemetery, he had to slow down because he wasn't sure which entrance to turn into. There wasn't much time to guess since he was still on the main road with cars behind him, but he tries to think back to the funeral, remembering what he saw when they were driving here. His memory is clouded. Spades, he doesn't even remember where the lot is, does he? As he turns into the first road, everything comes back to him. The pattern of benches, pedestals, trees; the curve of the road, the alignment of the hills.

"I think we're here," Kai says, pulling over to the side of the path.

He gets out of the car and his friends follow. He doesn't lock the car since nobody's here and who will steal a car in the cemetery? Kai walks through the grass, passing tombstones. He glances at the names to make sure they're not his father's but, still, it hurts him to see all those names. All of them say the same phrase in cursive at the bottom: Now rest among the stars…

He doesn't even know these people but they're dead. They're right there. Six feet below.

And then he stops right when he sees it: his father's fresh tombstone right next to his mother's, whose has aged over time due to nature. His eyes move back and forth, suddenly having flashes of memories from both funerals and the occasional visits to his mom's plot over the years.

"Spades…" Kai mutters. "We didn't bring flowers."

Kai turns around and looks at his friends. Scarlet and Winter are shocked that those were his first words upon seeing the tombstone. They weren't sure what to do or say, even when they looked at each other. Thorne, however, had a bouquet in his hands to give Kai.

"Where did you get those?" Scarlet asks.

"From Carol over there," Thorne responds, turning around to point at a nearby plot.

"Thorne!" Scarlet yells before realizing she shouldn't scream here. There weren't any rules against it; it's just common courtesy. At least nobody was here to see them, especially someone who knew Carol.

"What? I don't think Carol will mind. Maybe she liked Mayor Rikan. I mean, they're neighbours here."

"Whatever…" Kai mutters. Flowers were flowers. Kai could come back another time with his bouquet, one for each parent, and another one to replace Carol's.

He puts the flowers in the complimentary vase on top of the flat stone. He didn't even know the tombstone had one. Kai stands back, looking down and sighing. Even after all this time, he can't believe this is his life.

"This always hurts," Winter tells him. She stands beside Kai, putting her hands on his shoulders and squeezing them. Out of the three of them, she'd understand this moment the most.

Winter feels her phone vibrate in her jacket pocket. She doesn't want to ruin this moment by answering that so she looks at Scarlet. Scarlet steps over and takes Winter's phone out as Thorne starts brushing off Kai's mother's tombstone with his sleeve.

Scarlet takes a few steps to the side and sees that it's a message from Jacin.

Jacin Bae: I don't think Cinder knew that today's her mother's death anniversary. Did you?

Scarlet's jaw drops. She looks back at the others before reading the message again. She can't help but think that Cinder went back to Luna on that day, and here she is with Kai looking at his father's tombstone.

The stars were really working for them…

-o-

Artemisia, Luna

"Are you crying?" Cress asks.

Cinder, with one tear streak on her cheek, looks over at Cress with a sharp expression. "No."

Cress takes a step closer. "Yeah, you are."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I am." Cinder's body shakes as more tears start to come out. She tries to wipe them away but can't keep up. "I don't know how to do this."

For the first time, at least, that she could remember, Cinder starts to cry. She didn't think that, out of all the things that could possibly happen in the stars, this moment is her breaking point. Cinder knew all about her mother and the horrors she put Luna through, but she didn't see it. She didn't live it. She didn't see the scared people or the suffering, even if she's only viewing it now through documentaries and museum exhibits.

"Oh, that's okay," Cress says, comforting Cinder by rubbing her shoulders and hugging her. "There's no perfect way to cry."

"It's not that," Cinder says, calming down a bit to wipe her eyes again. "Everything is just processing." She looks over at Wolf who stands nearby. His hands are in his pockets as he looks at her with sympathy. "I'm sorry, Wolf, for everything."

"What? Cinder, you don't need to apologize for that. You can't take that responsibility."

"Someone has to."

"No, nobody does, and especially not you. You weren't there. I was barely there."

"For a while, I thought death followed Levana but maybe it follows me. My mother made your people suffer and leave. She came off as intriguing but she was strikingly power-hungry. Things still aren't better and they never will be."

"Everything's fine. This isn't who we are but it's a part of it. That's just life. You get your spades and try to play them right. You don't get a good hand, you deal with it."

Cinder glares at him. "You and your card games."

Wolf smiles a little. "What can I say? Leaving is sometimes better. Aces, it was because of the massive leave that Lunars are now everywhere. The Earthen Union, The European Federation, everywhere. We've suffered, fled, adapted, evolved. That's what happened. So, maybe we owe a thanks to President Blackburn."

Cress nods. "Thank you, President Channary Blackburn."

Cinder eyes them. "You're both serious?"

"If my mom never left Luna, I would've never been in Commonwealth," Wolf says. "Ever. I would've never known the life I have now which is you guys and my Scarlet -"

Cress wipes her tears, having started to tear up during this whole exchange. "Yes, where would we be without our power couple?"

Cinder looks at Cress for a second. She and Kai aren't her power couple? Whatever. "Levana told me something similar. If none of this happened, we wouldn't have our life in Commonwealth … and if you tell anyone that I cried, I'm leaving you here."

-o-

Commonwealth, The Earthen Union

When Winter notices Scarlet walking back to them, she looks over and notices how unsettled Scarlet looks. Winter mouths a question to ask what happened and Scarlet just shows her the text message on her lock screen. Winter moves her head forwards a bit to look at it. Her eyes squint a little as she reads but then widen when she gets to the end. Winter makes a sound that's a mix between a gasp and a shocked cry like a whimpering dog. Nobody except Scarlet notices. Winter removes herself from Kai, taking her phone to text Jacin back as Scarlet stands next to Kai.

Scarlet isn't sure if Kai noticed Winter leaving but his eyes never leave the plot. Scarlet looks over at the engravings on the tombstone, not sure if she could ever be in Kai's shoes. She isn't sure how she would take the news when that day comes. She's still baffled by how Kai is still standing.

"You know," Thorne starts, "it's relaxing here and not creepy at all. I wouldn't mind being buried here. Not here here because this section is taken but maybe a lot by the river."

"Yeah, it's nice there," Kai mumbles.

" … so are you good or -?"

"Let's get out of here."

Kai starts walking to the car. Thorne and Scarlet glance at each other for a second before following him. They wave over Winter who starts walking over without looking up from her screen. Scarlet and Thorne thought their trip here was quick (it felt like it took longer to get here, even without Kai sleeping in and getting ready) but they have no experience with visiting loved ones at the cemetery. They don't know the appropriate time to stay and if Kai wants to leave, they're leaving.

Scarlet takes a few strides ahead to get to the car before Kai. She stands in front of the driver's door, blocking him.

"Kai, give me the keys," Scarlet orders as she holds her hand out. "You're not driving."

"What?" Kai asks.

"I know you. Your head will be in space and not on the road."

"Scarlet -"

"Kai." She waves her fingers towards her, emphasizing for him to hand over the keys.

Kai grips his keys in his hand. "Scarlet, I need to be distracted by something."

"Not a heavy piece of machinery on the highway. Please, sit in the back and text Cinder or play with Winter's curls. Blackburn distraction."

"Scarlet, please. If my head is on the road, it won't be in space."

Scarlet is hesitant. She really shouldn't let him drive but Kai will never put them in danger so she steps out of the way. " … fine, but I'm watching you."

Scarlet circles around the front to sit in the passenger's seat as Thorne and Winter get in the back. Kai takes a moment before sitting in the driver's seat.

-o-

Artemisia, Luna

Cinder, Cress, and Wolf are silent as they look at the portrait taken of President Blackburn moments after her inauguration. Channary is standing in the centre of her office, staring straight at the camera. A hand in on her hip as Levana stands by her side. Both women have harsh but beautiful and angular faces. They're as glamorous as diamonds in that they could be admired but will cut whoever touches them. The devil fears people like them. By their sides, looking like background objects, are all the handsome men of her Cabinet.

Cinder stares at each of their faces, wondering how any of them could've been her father. Levana could've told her that a random one was her father and Cinder would've believed her, but her eyes fall on the man whose smug smile is her father's. Does she smile like that? She doesn't think so, but she doesn't have the diamond expression of her mother. Or does she? She doesn't look at her reflection or take that many selfies to tell, not that she was ever looking at it before.

"How has Levana not aged? Cress asks.

"Especially since she was in the centre of Luna's downfall," Wolf responds. "I thought that would add at least fifty years to your life."

"She's as beautiful as she was in that photo."

"She looks younger now than she does in the photo." Wolf steps closer to get a better look before realizing how weird that is. He steps back and looks at Cinder. "Which one is your father?"

"Maybe leaving the regime and immigrating to Commonwealth adds the fifty years back."

"I buy that."

"Did your mother know who it was?" Cress asks.

Cinder shrugs. "I don't think she cared." She points right at the man. Her finger is smooshed against his tie. "We're finding you tomorrow."

A lot of Kai's parts in this are based on my life. It's honestly an uncomfortable experience. At least, it was for me.