Chapter 4 – The Harassments Start

It was early to mid-morning when Danny woke up to the sound of his brother hurling in his bathroom. He slowly sat up, letting the blanket fall off of him, and ran a hand over his face. He grabbed his phone off of the side table, sending a quick text to his wife and to his partner, letting her know he might be running late today. He sat there for a moment longer as he heard his brother finish retching up everything he had drank last night before he got up from the couch and headed towards the bedroom. Pushing the door open more, he saw the uncharacteristically messed up bed and then walked towards the bathroom where he saw Jamie leaning over the toilet, an arm laying across the seat and his head resting on it. Danny leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. "How're you feeling?" he asked, a small smirk on his face.

Jamie had his eyes closed, his brows furrowed. "What do you think?" he grumbled.

"Well it was your choice to go get drunk," Danny told him.

"Thank you, Sherlock," came the mumbled reply as Jamie rolled his head to the bowl as he felt a wave of nausea come over him again.

Danny let out another small smirk and rolled his eyes as he straightened up and walked out of the bedroom to head towards the kitchen. He grabbed a glass from a cabinet and filled it with water, then headed back to the bathroom. "Here, drink this," he told his brother, offering him the glass.

Jamie slowly lifted his head and squinted his eyes before grabbing the cup and taking a couple of big gulps. "Thanks," he said, giving the water back to Danny, who then put it on the counter next to them.

"You gonna be okay?" Danny asked him softly, concern in his voice.

Jamie let his head loll back to its position against his arm. "I think so…just—give me a few minutes and I'll be out…" he said quietly, not wanting to make his headache any worse than it already was.7

Danny nodded his head and quietly headed back towards the kitchen, hoping that maybe some food could get his brother to feel better. He grabbed some bread and popped them in the toaster, took out some jam from the fridge, and then took a banana from the bunch that was on the counter. Once the bread was done, he carefully pulled them out and set them on a plate, spread a little bit of the jam on each slice, then peeled the banana and cut it up into slices, putting them next to the toast. Satisfied with the small breakfast, he took the plate to the living room and set it on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch as he waited for his brother. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long before Jamie emerged from his room, eyes squinting from the sunlight coming in through the blinds. "Hey, there's some food here," he told him as Jamie slowly took a seat on the other side of the sofa. "Come on, you need to eat something," he replied when he saw the look Jamie had gave.

"Fine," he breathed out, grabbing the plate and taking some bites of the toast then plopping some banana slices into his mouth. He finished the food a lot quicker than he thought, not realizing how hungry he was. They sat in comfortable silence as Jamie ate his food, putting the plate back where he grabbed it from when it was all gone.

"You feeling better now?" Danny asked him quietly.

Jamie answered with a nod of his head, quickly regretting the move when his head started pounding, which made him wince. Once it started going away, he looked over at his older brother. "Thank you, Danny…for everything. You didn't need to do any of this…" he trailed off, looking back at the empty dish on the coffee table.

Danny gave a slight shake of his head. "It was no problem. Just looking out for my kid brother," he simply said.

"Well I appreciate it. Yesterday…it wasn't a good day," Jamie said silently, looking down at his hands that were sitting in his lap.

"About that…do you remember anything that happened?" Danny asked him.

"For the most part," Jamie told him, not wanting to look up at his brother.

Danny nodded his head and looked away, then looked back. "What about what you said when you were in your bed?" he asked gently, unsure of how the reaction would be.

Jamie looked up at him with a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"

Danny let out his breath. "Well, you were laying in bed and I had gotten the trashcan for you, just in case, and…I thought you were asleep…but you apologized to Tony and said it was all your fault." He didn't miss the intake of breath his brother did. When nothing was said, Danny continued. "You still blame yourself for what happened to him, don't you?" he asked quietly.

Jamie looked away from him, but knew by not saying anything, Danny would know he was right. He had thought he had said his little confession in his head…he didn't realize he had actually said it out loud for his brother to hear. "I can't help it Danny," he finally said, still looking away. "I knew I shouldn't have left him alone…I kept telling him we needed to stick together, but he didn't want to budge from the kitchen. I knew…and I left him anyways…and he ended up getting killed…"

Danny closed his eyes and ran a hand up and down his face. "Listen kid, I know this may be falling on deaf ears right now, but you need to hear this. What happened to Tony, to any of your friends, was not your fault," he told him. "Look at me Jamie," he gently said when his brother was still looking down. When Jamie finally looked up at him, he continued. "It was not your fault," he repeated. "For whatever reason, Justin was determined to kill all of you that night…and he almost succeeded. If you had stayed with Tony, who knows what could have happened; maybe you would have died too and that son of a bitch would be walking around free right now because we would have believed his lies."

Jamie glanced down again and then looked back at Danny. "I know, but…it's still so hard to not think about all of the 'what ifs'," he confessed. "What if I had stayed with him, what if I had forced him to come with me…what if I had never gone over in the first place. Then at least I wouldn't still have these nightmares…"

"Look Jamie, I can't imagine what you went through, but I get it," Danny told him. "I wish I didn't have the nightmares that haunt me every year either."

"You have nightmares? About that night?" Jamie asked, confused.

Danny was tight lipped as he slowly nodded his head. "Yeah, I do…obviously not like yours, but I do get some. You in that hospital bed with wires and tubes everywhere, looking almost…deathly. And I can still remember what the crime scene looked like from the photos they showed in court and I can't help but picture you in them…blood everywhere…" he confessed, silently trailing off.

Jamie looked at him, shocked at what he heard. "Wow…I'm sorry Danny," he said quietly.

"It's not your fault, you didn't know," he reassured him, giving him a small smile. "I just want to know if you're going to be okay because to be honest kid, you kind of scared me last night, the way you were talking."

"I'm sorry," Jamie sighed out, looking back down at his hands. "I just…I wanted the memories to go away and they wouldn't. No matter how many drinks I had…going to that house, seeing Scott Wilson, it was all just a big mistake and I know that's why I did what I did. And the nightmares…I get them every year around the day, but this year, they started earlier and I haven't been getting much sleep because of it…" When he heard his brother take a breath and slowly release it, he looked up at him. "But I'll be okay. Yesterday was just a rough day, that's all. I promise I'm not going to do anything."

Danny eyed him, but knew he was telling the truth. "You want me to stay here for a bit longer? I could call in sick if you want me too," he told him.

Jamie gave him a small smile. "No, that's okay. I promise, I'm good. I think I'm just gonna go back to bed or something, try to sleep off this headache," he told his brother.

"Alright," Danny let out, sighing as he stood up. "I'll call Baez and have her come pick me up. You call me if you need anything, okay?" he semi-ordered, pointing his finger at his younger brother.

Jamie replied with a roll of his eyes. "Yes, dad," he said as he slowly stood up himself. He gave Danny a hug before he left. "Thanks again," he said in his ear. Danny nodded, grabbed his phone, then showed himself out while Jamie followed so he could lock the door behind him, then he went back to his room to crawl into his bed to go back to sleep.

BB-BB-BB-BB-BB

After a couple days off, Jamie felt a bit better than he did at the end of his last shift. He had only heard from his brother once asking if things were okay and suggesting for him to tell their dad about what was going on. He finally did a few hours later, once he knew his dad would be home from work. He told him about getting drunk, Danny helping him home, and everything else he was feeling. They had a nice conversation and Jamie assured him like he did his brother, that he was okay and said that once the next month came, things should hopefully go back to normal. Now he was getting ready for his next shift when his phone rang. "Hello?" he said when he answered the unknown number that called him.

At first there was nothing, just heavy breathing. Then a distorted voice came through. "It's all your fault they all died!"

The exclamation startled Jamie when he heard it. "What? Who the hell is this?!" he said, shock and anger in his voice, but the phone call ended before he could barely even finish his sentence. He let his hand slowly drop down and looked at his phone. 'What the hell was that?' he thought, his hands shaking a little. He put the device in his pocket, a look of stunned silence still on his face. He finally closed his eyes and took some deep breaths, breathing in through his nose and letting it out slowly through his mouth, hoping to calm his racing heart. Once he felt good enough, he finished getting ready for work and then left his apartment, figuring whatever that call was, was from someone pulling a stupid prank and decided it wasn't worth bugging his family about. Although he wasn't too sure who could have pulled a stupid thing like that, since no one other than his family and Scott Wilson knew about his involvement that Halloween night.

He tried to ignore that phone call for the rest of the day, but even Eddie could tell something was off with her partner. "Is everything okay?" she asked him while they were sitting in their patrol car with him behind the wheel.

Jamie glanced over. "Yeah, everything's good," he replied, getting a little irritated on the inside with how many times he's been asked that since October started. 'That's certainly not going to make the month go by any faster…' he thought as he went back to looking out the windows.

"You just seem a little…off today, is all. Does it have anything to do with…you know?" she asked, not wanting to say the word.

He let out a small sigh. "I admit that things weren't very good after our last shift, but Danny was there and he helped a lot. But I'm okay," he told her, giving her a semi-confident small smile. She was going to reply when his phone started ringing in his pocket. He brought it out and his heart skipped a beat when he saw a different unknown number than the one from this morning on the screen. He clenched his jaw and decided to answer it, hoping it was just some telemarketer on the other end. "Reagan," he said.

His hopes were swiftly dashed when he heard heavy breathing again and then the same distorted voice yell out. "It's all your fault, you liar!" He did a sharp intake of breath and brought his phone quickly away from his ear, breathing heavy.

"What was that?" Eddie asked, looking concerned and confused. The voice was so loud that even she heard what was said. "Who was that?"

When he didn't answer and was still staring at his screen, she said his name. "What?" he asked as he looked up at her, trying to calm his breathing again.

"I asked who that was…what was that about?" she repeated gently, her brows furrowed.

Jamie looked at his phone again before putting it back in his pocket. "I…I don't know. That was the second one today, but it was from a different number…" he mumbled out.

"You're second?! What'd they say the first time?"

He closed his eyes and took a couple of even breaths. "That it was my fault that…they all died…" he said when he opened his eyes and glanced over at her.

Eddie shook her head and looked away. "Do you know who's doing it?" she asked, looking back at him.

"I have an idea, but I don't have proof…other than you and my family, he's the only one who knows about all of this," he replied as he shook his head and gritted his teeth again.

"Well don't believe what they're saying, alright? He's just getting under your skin," she told him.

"I know," he breathed out. "It's just hard to hear, even if it's not true…"

Their conversation was interrupted after that when dispatch called over the radio about a robbery in progress at a bodega that was nearby. While Jamie pulled away from the street and turned on their lights and sirens, Eddie called back and said they were on their way.

BB-BB-BB-BB-BB

At the end of the day, Jamie let out a big sigh as he plopped down on his couch, feeling drained, physically and emotionally. After that robbery at the bodega, where they arrested the two would be robbers, him and Eddie ended up having call after call, most of them being minor incidents. And then of course after all of that was the report writing. On top of everything that was happening during shift, his phone had kept going off of more random numbers calling him, but between the craziness of the day and the two calls from earlier, he never ended up answering any of them. He had his head against the back of the couch with his eyes closed when his phone 'pinged' at him, letting him know he had a text. Slowly and very tiredly, he opened his eyes and lifted his head up to look at the screen. "Ugh!" he exclaimed, throwing the phone to the other end of the sofa. He ran both hands over his face and then through his hair. Once he stopped answering the phone calls, he started getting texts from the numbers. This newest one had just called him a liar, for the who knows how many number of times. The others he had received were about the same verbiage as the calls; it was his fault, he should feel guilty, how could he sleep at night, and everything in between. At first, Jamie didn't want to get his family involved, thinking and hoping that it was a one off thing, but now they just wouldn't stop coming. He rested his head on the back of the couch again and took some deep breaths…he knew he would have to let his brother and father know about these harassing calls and texts; he just hoped they wouldn't be mad that he didn't tell them right away.

After a short bit, he reached over and grabbed his phone. He looked at the words on the screen; not only from the one that was sent just a short while ago, but also from a brand new one. 'How can you live with yourself? You've ruined so many lives.' Jamie closed his eyes and dropped his hand into his lap, jaw clenched. 'Alright,' he thought. 'I've put this off long enough…' He looked at his phone again and unlocked it, then went to his contacts and hit his brother's name. He closed his eyes once more and took a deep breath as he put the phone up to his ear.

"Hey kid, what's up?"

"Hey Danny," Jamie replied. "Look…there's something I need to tell you…"