A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. I haven't written in a long time, and truth is, most of this was written and then I got writer's block. So much has changed since I posted the last chapter. But I got this done. I hope to find time to get the last half of this story finished. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

I came down the stairs in the morning to find Feyre and Rhys staring at a package on the table. It was wrapped in a beautiful seafoam green paper with delicate gold flecks scattered across it, with a sealed envelope sitting on top of it.

"What's that?" I asked them as I came closer.

Rhys was the one to look at me. "It's for you. From the Summer Court."

I tilted my head. "Tarquin sent this?"

I stepped closer and picked up the envelope. I glanced at the package, it was a decent size. It could have been anything. Maybe a box? I wasn't sure. But I opened the letter, excited because I had been waiting for a reply to my last letter. I had been writing to him for nearly a year since I had last visited, and even through all the communication, I missed him dearly.

Elain,

Happy Summer Solstice. I hope this letter and gift find you well. I do apologize for taking a bit longer to reply, but I wanted to make sure that this arrived a little before the holiday. I wanted to invite you to my court to join us in a Summer Solstice Celebration. I know that Amren will be coming to visit Varian, and I thought you might like to come as well. I'd love to see you again.

I will be waiting for your reply.

Yours,

Tarquin

I looked back at the gift, smiling slightly. He had sent me a solstice present. He had invited me to Solstice. So without addressing the looks of concern and curiosity from the others, I grabbed the package and began to carefully undo the wrapping job, not wanting to destroy the beautiful paper.

I quickly revealed a book on plant care, and upon opening the book, I found many of the plants that were found in the summer court. As I flipped the book closed again and looked up, I watched my sister and her friends go from being confused to relieved, and back to confused.

"At least it isn't a blood ruby," Rhys said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"A blood ruby?" I looked at them with confused speculation. "Why would Tarquin send me a blood ruby?"

"We were going to ask you that," Feyre said. "Why did he send you a book?"

"Why does it matter?"

Feyre stared at me, a little shocked at my response.

I shook my head and looked at them. "It's a solstice gift if you must know. And an invitation to join him for the Summer Solstice."

"No!"

I looked at Feyre, sternness that I rarely felt there. "Who are you to tell me I can't go?"

I knew the answer. High lady of the night court, where I currently resided. But she was my sister first. Still, I changed my question.

"What reason would you have to deny me going?" I asked her.

"We can't keep you safe there," Feyre started. "Things are still a little tense with them."

"Then why did you let me go with Mor last year? And would I not be just as safe with Amren?"

"Well of course, but this isn't a business visit like that was…"

"So what, Feyre? I've been personally invited. Wouldn't it look bad for him to send an invitation and for harm to befall me while in his court?"

"Of course it would look bad for him-"

I met her gaze, finally finding something to fight for… getting away from here. Seeing my friend. "And besides. You still haven't been able to secure the alliance you so desperately want with him. Wouldn't you think letting those he wants to see visit him, could help that?"

I had her. I could see it. She knew it. She couldn't argue against using the bond of friendship between Tarquin and I to their advantage.

"Fine. But I'd like to send someone else with you."

I scoffed. "Someone other than Amren? Who would you send Feyre? You have Cassian in the Illyrian camps with Nesta. You have Az off spying on the human Queens for now. Lucien is with Jurian while they try to figure out how to get Vassa back. And besides, Amren will be there."

"Amren will be...preoccupied," Rhys suggested.

"And I will be with Tarquin himself most of the time, most likely. You can't argue against me being protected when I'm under the care of a high Lord."

After a moment of stubborn silence, I made my way to the kitchen, fully prepared to bake something for Tarquin. "You might want to tell Amren she'll have company on her trip to Summer."

I could hear the note of protest, but truly there was nothing more she could say to argue against it. And I would have ignored her even if she still tried to deny me. I would go whether she allowed it or not. I needed out of Velaris again and I craved the sea. Though I'd have to venture into the Sidra to find a gift for Tarquin.

It felt strange to return to the Summer court by Amren's side, as opposed to Mor's. The two had near polar opposite energies. But Amren had not looked displeased when she'd learned I would be going with her. In fact, I could have sworn I'd seen her smirk when Feyre reluctantly said goodbye. And now we stood alone together.

"I heard how you stood up to your sister, girl," Amren said.

I blushed. I suppose I had done that, though I'd tried to avoid thinking about it as it created a tension I wasn't quite ready to welcome. "It wasn't her place."

"For all intents and purposes, it is. After all, she is your high lady."

"I don't care about that."

When I looked at Amren, she was grinning. "Good. Besides, I don't think she is your high lady. I don't think you consider the night court your home."

I blinked at her, eyes going wide.

"Don't worry. I do not blame you for it. You went from being trapped in one cage to being trapped in another. Albeit, it's a very pretty and large cage. But I do not think Velaris is for you."

It was odd, to have someone put that strange feeling I had at home into words. It had felt like a cage. First being stuck in the house of wind with only a window to look out of. Then being stuck in the townhouse. The only time I'd been able to leave there...was when we went into the war camps. And there were so many reasons I didn't understand why that was when they chose to bring me along. They hadn't included me in the things I might have been able to help with. But they'd brought me into a war with no weapons. No training.

Of course, I was glad I'd been there. Glad that Azriel had given me Truth-teller for safety. Because I know if I hadn't been there, Nesta would have died. And I couldn't imagine a world without her, even though she was in the Illyrian camps.

I'd even visited a couple times. The first time… hadn't gone as well I'd hoped. And the second visit, while better, still had not been what I would have liked. And I couldn't get there without Az, Feyre, Rhys or Mor. They all had busy schedules full of important things that didn't involve visiting Nesta and Cassian in the camps. And Nesta, she'd only been back once.

"It's good to get a change of scenery," I said. "I always wanted to see the world. And now there's even more of it open for me to see."

It was true. And we were even seeing another bit of Summer. We weren't heading to Adriata this time. Instead we were going to a more inland city Amren had called Sitaba. I was excited to see something new. I wondered if it would be like what Velaris is to our group compared to under the mountain. A place I still had not even seen. Feyre had told me I wouldn't like it. That it made the seedy bars Nesta had once found in Velaris look like flower gardens and tea parties. So I thought perhaps I wasn't missing much. And besides, I'd seen Kier once. As a merchant refused to do business with him. He seemed extremely unpleasant and I'd made sure to slink into the shadows of the buildings around me to avoid him. So I'd decided perhaps I could live without seeing the night court under the mountain, even if I didn't like that my sister had once again made a decision that had left me out of things by not giving me the choice. But seeing more of Summer, a place that Tarquin had made very clear to me I was welcome everywhere within, thrilled me.

Something in Amren's smile was different. Less wicked and intimidating, like she was playing a game and winning. But more like… a parent proud to see their child doing something. But still, we walked through the city, Amren clearly comfortable and knowledgeable in its pathways until we came to a large manor house. Well, a manor house in the way that Feyre's river Manor was one...only in name. It should have been called a palace still. Maybe a castle.

Varian had the door open for us before we could even knock and Amren was in his arms. It was cute the way they were together. Though I was fairly certain she'd rip my throat out if she ever heard me say that. But Tarquin stood right next Varin with that broad, welcoming grin. And I smiled broadly right back as I walked through the door. When we'd parted ways the last time, I'd broken decorum and hugged him. A part of myself wanted to hug him again, to feel the gentle summer warmth of his embrace and the safety of being held by him. However instead, I held out the parcel in my hands to him.

"Happy Solstice," I said warmly as the door was shut behind me. It was only one of the things I'd brought for him. But it was something small.

He took the gift, his smile never wavering. "Solstice is still a couple days off," he said casually.

"I know," I answered. "But you did give me an early gift. And this is more of a promise than your actual gift."

He arched a brow at me in curiosity but held an arm out. "Well, let's go to the garden and sit. And I will open this and we'll let those two…" He trailed off, implying the many things that we both knew Varian and Amren would do. And I felt my cheeks blush despite myself.

Still, while Amren and Varian made their way, I presumed to one of their rooms, I took Tarquin's arm and followed him out to the garden. I liked that he had at no point asked me to tend his garden, or offered to let me. He simply invited me to enjoy it for what it was. That was something that I don't think I'd really realized either.

I loved gardening. It had brought peace and comfort after all those years in the shack. It was something small to occupy the time. I could never have been a hunter the way Feyre had. And though I felt guilt for not doing more in those years, the garden had been an escape. An escape from listening and giving out the love I could to Nesta. Our father. Even on occasion Feyre. But after everything that had happened, after the cauldron, with everyone just pushing the gardens on me, pushing me to garden, pushing me to be okay...I only did it to get away from them. It still held some joy, in many ways it felt like a chore too. Expected of me.

Tarquin let me admire the plants. And though the book he'd gifted me had included care of the plants, it'd been full of information that I'd asked him for. But there was no expectation to do the thing that had brought me joy. Because, having those things pushed on me had started to become so draining.

The garden in this home was smaller than Adriata, but no less beautiful. There was a quiet table in the center with comfortable chairs and he pulled one out for me. I sat down and waited for him to sit across from me. Instead he took the chair closest, sitting closer than I expected and set the parcel I'd handed him on the table.

"How was your trip here?" Tarquin asked, his gaze falling heavily upon me.

I briefly met his, before turning my gaze out to the foliage around us. "It was alright. I'm not a fan of Winnowing, but to be here, it's worth it."

I could practically hear the grin in his voice as he replied, "We're glad to have you back."

I looked back at him, not meeting his gaze but looking from him to the small parcel. "Aren't you curious?"

He beamed a little wider. "Of course I am. But I can't appear to be too greedy, can I?"

I laughed. "It's for you. You can be as greedy as you like with it."

"Then I think I will sate my curiosity."

I only gave a small smile as he grabbed the parcel one more time, ripping into the paper without wasting a second. My smile only grew, glad to see he was so excited and curious.

The parcel revealed a basket of goods that I had made (some with the help of Nuala and Cerridwen. Though now because I enjoyed their company, not because I need it). Some Pineapple bars; where I had experimented by following a lemonbar recipe and trying to replace the lemon with pineapple; some pineapple preserves, a small pineapple coconut cake, some cookies with a pineapple jam, and a pineapple pie. I looked up at him to see the broadest grin I'd ever seen.

"You made me these?"

I gave a small nod. "It seems that the trader I mentioned in my last visit was made aware of my part in her getting that trade agreement she wanted. So she has given me the best pineapple in every batch, and a couple other things, like coconuts, every time I visit. And she won't accept my money either for it."

I could almost see a mischievous gleam in his eyes, almost confirming my own suspicions he might have had a hand in that.

"I thought I would experiment," I explained softly. "And I remember you offering to taste the experiments."

In truth, I had practiced plenty before bringing anything to him. I'd wanted to make sure they were good. If he didn't like them simply because he didn't, that would be one thing. But if it were because I had messed something up, I'd have felt embarrassed. I hoped that he would enjoy them.

Tarquin's hand immediately reached into the basket for one of the cookies. And before I could get a word out, he'd taken a bite. I watched him, my insides crawling with anticipation.

But my nerves were unnecessary as he grinned. "That's good," he said. "I think I might have to convince you to tell my chefs your recipe so I can have these any time."

I laughed lightly. "Or you could write to me anytime you want some and I'll send you a package. I have to make sure you still have reasons to write to me."

He chuckled. "Oh I'm sure I'll have plenty of reasons to continue to write to you," he said, his voice almost a purr as he spoke. "But if you don't relinquish the recipes, I'm afraid you'll have to move here permanently to make these every day."

I laughed, smiling. "Maybe not everyday. But, I will make them for you if you ask."

Tarquin grabbed for my hand, pulling it to his lips. They were soft and warm and gentle against the back of my hand. "Thank you, Elain. I shall enjoy this gift immensely."

"I'm glad you like it," I said. I still had something for the day of Solstice. But since he'd given me such an early gift, I wanted to give him something too. And it was something that he seemed to enjoy.

Tarquin didn't let go of my hand though, moving to stand. "Can I give you the tour?" he asked.

I looked up at him, into those crystal-blue eyes and felt more relaxed than I had since I had last been in his company. My head moved in a small nod as I stood from my chair and his smile only broadened. He tucked my hand into the crook of his arm, and started with the garden.

I spent the day with Tarquin. We avoided the hallway where Varian's room was, and I was thankful to Tarquin for that. He showed me to my rooms, close to the kitchens, but I also didn't fail to note how close his room was as well. He said nothing of it, made no offers other than if I had any more nightmares I was welcome to wake him and we could enjoy a warm drink together. I appreciated that more than I think he understood.

That evening, we all sat in the dining hall, dinner a grand feast, with plenty of people from Tarquin's court. I floated between his company and Amren's, even occasionally mingling with his court on my own. It felt like being back home, back in those balls and parties of my friends in the human world. Only perhaps a little more free. Tarquin even danced with me a few times, and while it wasn't anything like a ballroom dance, it was the most fun I'd had in a long while.

The four of us took a corner of the ballroom to ourselves, lounging on comfortable pieces of furniture. Amren was tucked against Varian, sitting comfortably in his lap. Tarquin lounged against the armrest of the couch that we shared, and I sat near enough, knees tucked under me as we laughed. I held a glass with the last little bit of wine I planned to drink for the evening.

"Varian was telling me about a special lake," Amren said, sipping from her glass. "He said it has some curious properties. I would like to see it."

Tarquin's laugh bellowed, and seemed contagious as we all joined in. "Giving away our court secrets, are you, Varian?"

"I was thinking of taking her. We haven't been in ages, Tarquin."

"Well, you two would have to be on your very best behavior," Tarquin said. "We can't very well all be there and having you two going at each other like hares."

I looked over at him, head tilted. "All of us?"

"Well you don't think I'd let Varian take just Amren and not go. Or not enjoy the fun and share that with you, did you?"

"What would we do?"

"Well, swim. Maybe relax on the shore. Try to push these two under the water." He laughed as a small cry of protest came from the couple, and I couldn't help but giggle too.

"It would be nice to relax on the beach. Maybe dip my toes in the water."

"Dip your toes in?" Varian said, completely aghast. "No. No, Elain. You swim at little ponds and lakes. That's where all the fun lies."

My cheeks reddened slightly as I looked between them all. "Oh. It's just...Umm, I don't know how to swim."

"Excuse me?" This was the first time I think I'd heard Tarquin's voice be anything but friendly. Yet as I glanced over to him, I saw the harsh set of his eyes, and a deep disappointment. The aura surrounding our little group had gone from one of comfort and enjoyment, to tension and hurt.

"I never learned how to swim," I repeated. "It just...wasn't something that was taught to me when I was younger. And when my family was impoverished, it wasn't something that came up. It never really did."

My eyes remained on Tarquin, who was still looking at me as if I'd done something wrong. Movement from the corner of my eye indicated that Varian and Amren had decided to go elsewhere, leaving me and Tarquin alone in the little corner.

"You don't know how to swim?" He asked, tone low and serious.

I just shook my head in response.

"You don't know how to swim and you let me take you out into the open ocean? You don't know how to swim, but you wanted to sail?"

"Well, yes," I said flatly.

"Do you realize how dangerous that is?"

"No. I'm on a boat. I'm not in the water."

Tarquin sat up straighter, leaning in to me, a look as if he were scolding a child. "And if something were to happen to that boat? Where would you be, Elain?"

My mouth opened, and then shut as I looked at him. "In the water…" I said weakly.

"In the water," he agreed. "And if you don't know how to swim, that means you drown. And you let me take you out into the open water without even being aware of this. If anything happened to you, it would have been my fault."

And suddenly I realized why he was so upset. Because he hadn't taken into account that potential danger. If something had happened, and he couldn't use his magic to help me for some reason, he would have relied on my being able to swim to save myself if necessary. Where I had not considered that as an outcome. I hadn't even considered ending up in the water a potential outcome beyond the little stream that had barely covered my feet. And while I knew, and likely to some degree he knew, it wouldn't actually be his fault, that wouldn't be how my sisters viewed it. It wouldn't be how the rest of the courts viewed it. And since it had been just him and I, there would have been no one around to say it hadn't been done purposely.

"I'm sorry, Tarquin," my voice soft, weak. "I hadn't thought. Truly. I know people drown when a ship goes down." Of course I did, so many had drowned when the ship that took everything from us sank. "But I only thought it a natural consequence of ending up in the open water nowhere near land." I couldn't imagine someone lost in the middle of the ocean being able to swim.

Tarquin shook his head. "Being able to swim could get you to any part of the wreckage that is floating, allowing the ocean to take you to land. Or for someone else to sail past and find you. Even just being able to float on your back could save your life. And I was not prepared to need to deal with that. I could have failed you."

I chewed on my bottom lip. "I'm truly sorry Tarquin. I really had not thought of the danger. For what it's worth…I felt entirely safe with you."

I could see that even as he attempted to fight it, a small proud smile tugged on his lip at that. "We have to rectify this immediately. You cannot continue going around not knowing how to swim. It's a necessary knowledge for survival. Especially if you are going to continue frequent visits to my court."

I felt my chest tighten painfully at the thought. No one knew, except perhaps Azriel given that Nuala and Cerridwen answered to him, how I avoided water more than I had to. Using it to water plants was fine. Little amounts of it, like a stream, were fine. Even crossing over water was fine. But beyond that, the thought of being in water terrified me. I'd taken to using rags to wash myself, Nuala or Cerridwen helping with the few places I couldn't reach myself. The idea of water covering my whole body again filled me with dread. "I don't…I don't know if I could…"

Tarquin crossed his arms, giving me a scolding look. "No. It is not a choice, Elain. We will teach you tomorrow when we go."

I felt the panic rise. I trusted Tarquin. Inexplicably so. But it terrified me. "Tarquin…I can't…" I stood and started to work my way out of the ballroom towards my own room. Though part way there I saw the open doors to the gardens and turned. Fresh, open air would do so much more than a confined space. I walked deeper into the gardens than we'd gone previously, until I found a spot and sat down. The plants here were new, the soil still freshly mounded at their bases. I sat, taking in the scent of soil. It had become infinitely more complex since I'd become fae, my sense of smell being able to pick up on so much more than when I'd been human. Still the night air helped. I breathed in everything.

I'd become so lost in where I was, only the sound of my own heart pounding away against my ribs, I hadn't noticed the person who came to stand behind me until they spoke. "I can't decide if you are very stupid, or very lucky."

I jumped slightly, turning to see Amren. "I'm sorry?" I blinked at her, confused.

"You just rudely walked out on a high lord. That's a pretty great offense in most people's eyes."

I rolled my eyes and turned away, but I did not answer her.

"You're rather lucky he respects you, and considers you a friend, girl."

Still I did not respond.

"What has you smelling like a lamb facing slaughter?"

I shivered at her analogy, hugging my knees tight to me. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Then perhaps I should send you back home."

"No!"

Amren stared at me harshly. I knew what she meant. I needed to be honest. But I couldn't.

"I can't learn to swim. I can't do it."

"Can't? Or won't?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. Trying not to think about what learning to swim would entail. "I can't." I reiterated. "I can't stand the thought of being in water."

Amren blinked at me, almost surprised. I might have laughed at having been able to surprise her, but I wasn't there. "I thought since your sister had-"

"I'm not my sisters. Either one of them."

"No. You are not."

I didn't know if she meant it as an insult or not, but it felt like one. Like it was a disappointing fact that I couldn't push past this one silly thing.

"If you'd let me finish, girl, I was going to say, I thought since your sister had forced herself to overcome it, and you like to play the 'all is well' act, that you might have too."

"Well I haven't."

Amren stepped closer, looking down at me as I sat on the ground.

I wanted to scream about how tired I was of the pretense. How tired I felt at having to constantly appear happy, content and the same girl I was before the cauldron. But the truth remained, that girl had died the day I'd drowned in the cauldron. But I hadn't been allowed to grow and thrive the way my sisters had been. I had not been given the same chances to learn to protect myself or fight. They sheltered me, coddled me, and even when I tried to step out of their box, pushed me back in.

"All anyone wanted was for me to be who I was before," I said. "So I tried to be. But it's exhausting. They saw me struggling and locked me away. They saw Nesta or Feyre struggling and gave them something to do, to channel it into. Gave them ways to make sure they could protect themselves. No one has offered that to me. And no one will let me try."

Amren was always the hardest to read, her face showing little emotion most of the time. Even now, watching her, I couldn't get a sense of what she was going to say. "That's why you wanted to leave," She said.

I gave only a nod in response.

"Is Tarquin not offering you the very thing you just said you wished you had at home. A chance to learn something to protect yourself?"

I hadn't thought of it like that. But still, the very idea of immersing myself into water brought my heart to a stop in fear. "Amren, You've been in the cauldron. I don't know if it's different because you went in willingly, but I was drowning. The idea of being in water, having water surround me, all I can sense is that feeling of drowning. Feeling the way my body changed. It haunts me. My lungs burned, my body seemed to stretch. I couldn't breathe."

I stopped, not sure how else to describe the constant fears I faced. I sighed. "I've spent so long being afraid to do more. And being held back when I tried. It terrifies me. I'm a coward"

"You face it. You do the thing that scares you, and you ignore the fear," Amren answered. "Being brave isn't about being fearless. It's about doing the thing in spite of the fear. And who better to face it with, than a male who controls the water itself."

She was right, I knew it in my soul. But I couldn't bring myself to answer. She looked disappointed, and it hurt more than I ejected so I turned my head away. "I can't force you, girl. But you would do well to think about it. I will not help you against Feyre and Rhys if you will not help yourself." And she left.

I stayed sitting in the dirt for a while. I wasn't surprised at her parting words. Amren did not support weakness. And she was right. Why should she support me if I wasn't going to help myself? But I was tired of trying and failing to get out of my box. And yet here, in Summer, I was free. I was lacking a skill and being given a chance to learn it. It still terrified me. Kept me glued to the ground. I would deal with it in the morning. If learning to swim was required for me to be able to join the outing, I'd find a way to make it work. But that was a problem for the morning. For now, I needed to calm my heart and my mind, or else I'd never be able to sleep. So I stood, and started walking towards the kitchen.

It took me a little bit to find everything, making me miss the familiarity of the kitchen in Velaris for a moment, but soon enough I had everything I needed to make bread. This had been the first thing I learned to bake. Nuala and Cerridwen said it was a staple. You could do so much with bread and even just the dough. And kneading the dough was a great way to work out any tension. I'd gotten the dough ready and was sprinkling flour on the counter to begin when I'd heard someone enter the doorway. I knew without looking up who it was. I wondered if I could ignore him and he'd leave, but instead he walked closer.

"What are you making?" He asked.

I sighed, forcing myself to look up at Tarquin. "Bread," I answered. "It helps me think. Or, not think really."

We stood in silence for a moment. I dropped my gaze and started to gently work on kneading the dough. "I'm sorry for walking out earlier." He'd deserved better. After the kindness he'd shown me, it had been rude. "I…I'm scared of the water. I don't know why I'm okay with being on a boat over it. But the idea of being in the water…" I couldn't finish. It'd been hard enough admitting once, I couldn't handle being that vulnerable.

We stood in silence as I kneaded the dough. I could feel his eyes on me. "No, Elain, I'm sorry."

That surprised me and I stopped, looking up at him. "What for?"

"I hadn't thought about all the ways being forced into the cauldron would have affected you. It occurred to me after you walked off. I can't pretend to know what happened, but I do know, from what I've been told, that you were forced under. That would be traumatic. It was wrong of me to push so hard."

My mouth opened, and then closed as I tried to think of something to say. I sighed. "You weren't wrong. I should know how to swim," I said. "There's a lot of things I should learn. I'm not used to the opportunity. And I'm scared."

He stepped closer, placing a hand over mine. That warmth of Summer a comforting presence. "I will protect you. You don't have to do anything here that you don't want to."

I smiled. "I…I want to. I just, don't know how to face it. I trust you completely. I just don't know how to get past the wall."

"I'll be by your side the whole time," he offered. "We'll start simple and work our way up. But you have my word, Elain. I'll protect you."

I felt like I was under his spell, stuck meeting his gaze. The only male I'd trusted so easily since being introduced to the Fae world had been Azriel. And he and Tarquin seemed so different.

"I know you will," I assured. "But I'm going to cross that bridge when we go."

He nodded and pulled his hand back. I missed his touch and reflexively dug my fingers into the dough.

"What are you doing?" he asked, almost seeking to have returned to the energy we'd shared the last time we were in a kitchen together.

"Kneading the dough."

"Would you show me?"

I blinked and nodded, getting ready to move to the side, but he'd already stepped behind me, his arms coming around either side of me. Something in my chest tightened.

I steadied myself and placed my hands over his, twining my fingers with his and pressed down. "You want to grab, fold and press," I instructed.

I guided his hands as we kneaded the dough together. There was a certain level of intimacy in the way I was enveloped in his arms. That warmth I'd missed now surrounded me. I felt safe, like I could really do anything. And that, that almost scared me more than anything. I was so used to uncertainty, had become so accustomed to my life being thrown upside down, that to feel truly at peace in this moment, had me waiting for whatever was to come next.

"I think you're ready to try on your own," I said, pulling my hands away. He continued beautifully, but gave me no room to escape. My heart raced, and I was certain he could hear it, or smell how nervous I was. But he said nothing. After a little while longer, I stopped him.

"Now it needs to rise." I looked around and found a bread basket. I tried reaching for it, but my fingers came up just short. Tarquin was behind me once again, grabbing the basket and handing it to me. I felt my cheeks burning as I took it and walked back over. I easily put the bread in the basket and covered it with a towel. "It should be ready by the morning, but there's nothing more to do. We should probably go to bed."

He watched me for a moment, before nodding. "Thank you for teaching me something new, Elain," he said, grabbing my hands and kissing it.

"Goodnight, Tarquin. I'll see you in the morning."

We were standing on the shore of the lake of glistening gold. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have thought it the molten metal. Varian had already dragged Amren off to the furthest edge, far away from Tarquin and I. I suspected he hoped for some privacy for them, just as I was grateful to have some as I learned to conquer this fear. I stood on the shore, standing in a nightgown, over the supposed 'clothing' Amren had supplied for swimming. She laughed at me, but the tight piece had left little to the imagination. Tarquin was already waist deep in the water, arm stretched out to me, beckoning for me. He said it was the best way to start. Simply getting into the water, but still being able to stand.

Except that I was paralyzed with fear. "I can't do it."

Tarquin came closer. "You can, Elain. I promise. I am standing right here."

I shook my head. "It's all too much, I can't do it."

Tarquin stepped out of the water, little drops of gold sliding down the fabric of his pants. His hand grabbed mine. "Walk with me, Elain," he said softly.

I shook my head. His finger hooked under my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "We'll walk out together, and I will not let the water touch you until you're ready," he said. I tried to turn my head away, but in doing so, I saw the water parted, leaving a walkway for us.

"Walk with me," he repeated softly.

I swallowed and took a breath. But I nodded, taking his hand. We walked together, out to where he'd been standing previously. "You were fine with the stream before, right?"

I gave a small nod.

"Then let's start small."

Without a word, or any visible effort, Tarquin released some of his power. Water trickled over our feet. I squeaked, just a little. But it was no different than the little stream. Except that it was leading to me learning to swim. And there was a massive black hole in my stomach threatening to eat me from the inside out.

Tarquin's hand tightened in mine, reassuring me. I looked up at him. He was the High Lord of Summer. Water answered to him. I knew that, because Feyre had control of water too, and she'd told me of it being from Summer. As long as he was here with me, nothing could go wrong.

"Okay, I'm ready."

Tarquin didn't just release his hold though. And for that, I was grateful. Instead, the water slowly covered our feet entirely. And it stayed, just covering our feet for a moment, letting me adjust, before continuing to rise a little more. Bit by bit, pausing to let me adjust. It was stifling. It was awful. I felt my skin crawling and screaming. My lungs felt too small.

"Are you okay?"

I paused. Had he really picked up on all of my distress signals? "No," I answered honestly, my voice small. "But if we don't continue, I'll never do this again."

I think he understood. Somewhere, there was something he'd had to face, and knew if he didn't then, he'd have walked away and never faced it again.

The water finished returning to its natural level, coming just above my belly button. I sucked in a breath at the feeling. But something about the water felt light. Lighter than it should have. I think that helped.

"We're just going to stand here for a moment. I want you to feel safe, Elain," he said, gazing down at me.

There was something in the way that my heart skipped a beat, that distracted me from the terror. I was in water for the first time in a very long time. I was standing in water up to my navel, and I was safe.

"What's next?" she asked.

The corner of his mouth twitched in a smile. "Let's just stand here and breathe for a moment. We're not in a rush. And then, when you're ready, we'll have you lay back. Not go under, just float on your back, with my hands supporting you."

That made me nervous. But he was right. It was just floating. I took a few minutes to breathe, trying to keep my breaths from becoming erratic. Shortly, I nodded. He placed a hand on my back, and one on my stomach. I started to lean back, bending my knees to bring me lower to the water. The water hit the side of my face, rushed into my ears, drenched my hair. And suddenly, I couldn't feel his presence. I felt the cauldron, and I was certain the water would rush over my face any second now, rush into my nostrils, burn its way down my airways. I squeezed my eyes shut to protect them from the sting.

I flailed. I panicked. I screamed, and struggled to stand. Tarquin scooped me up, lifting me out of the water and holding me close. "You're safe, Elain," He said. His voice was steady, firm, and confident. My arms wrapped tightly around him. "You're safe."

I took several deep breaths, trying to ground myself. Trying to calm my racing heart. It took me a moment to realize his lips were brushing my ear as he continued to remind me that I was safe, and he had me. Which brought awareness to the fact that I was in fact being cradled in his broad arms, my face buried in the crook of his neck. And suddenly my stomach was fluttering, and my heart was racing for entirely different reasons.

"Put me down," I said gently. "I…I'm okay, I promise."

He looked at me, unsure, but gently lowered me until I was standing in the water again. I felt the water dripping down my face, down my back. My hair was drenched. And worse yet, the gown I wore was soaked and clinging to my skin. I think that was the worst of the feelings. I felt vulnerable in that gown. "Give me a moment," I told Tarquin as I turned away from him.

I began to pull the nightgown up, inch by inch until I had the hem in hand and then I wriggled out of it as fast as I could, which was more awkward than efficient. I pulled it off over my head and tossed it, not really caring where it would float off to. And I was left standing in front of Tarquin in a tight, pink, bodysuit.

I turned back around and looked at him. There was something in his face that I couldn't quite put a name to. But he said nothing about it. "When you're ready."

We were there all day, but as the sun began to set, I was able to float on my back, and had started going into the deeper water. Tarquin had said we weren't going to learn everything in one day. And he'd take as long as it took to teach me in my own time. But even more than anything else, he'd helped me face that drawing fear. For that I'd be forever grateful.

However, it was time for the trip to end, and I'd been weary of leaving. But Feyre and Rhys were expecting us back, and I knew it was not worth the fight to remain behind. But this time, I'd wanted a private goodbye with Tarquin. A moment that was just for us.

I knocked on his door before the sun had risen, and was shocked when he answered it almost immediately. He beamed. "It seems we had a similar idea this morning, Elain."

I felt my cheeks warm, knowing he'd thought of me and wanted our own send off too. "I wanted to thank you," I said softly. "Before we had to say goodbye."

"You don't have to thank me for anything," He said, a finger tracing the line of my jaw.

"I do though. You didn't just try to teach me an important life skill with the patience of a god. You helped me start to overcome a paralyzing fear. I might actually be able to enjoy a bath again, and not just wash myself with rags. And that's thanks to you."

His smile became something different. Something empathetic, and perhaps a little prideful. I couldn't blame him for that bit. He seemed the kind of person that took great pride in being able to help others.

"I don't think there are enough words, or baked goods to thank you though," I said softly.

"The fact that you're starting down a road to healing, is all the thanks I need," He answered.

Still, I'd been determined. Standing before him, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to so easily kiss his cheek, when he towered over me. I tried, moving to my toes, hand on his shoulder to both pull myself higher and him lower. Except that he turned his face in, and instead of my lips brushing his cheek, they met with his full lips. And then his arms wrapped around me, pulling me tighter, embracing me in all the warmth that radiated off of him.

When we parted, I could only stare into his eyes. And he grinned even wider. "I never expected such a bold move from you Elain," he teased.

I blushed harder. "I was just going for the cheek, I swear."

He chuckled. "I know."

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to leave the Summer Court now, not knowing when I'd see Tarquin again.