Chapter Thirty-Four: Long Rest
I found myself floating, seemingly drifting aimless through an empty space. It was devoid of all light, yet I could still see my body as clear as day. A simple motion proved that I could move freely, but there was some sort of resistance, as if I were tied down by a bog. Yet, it didn't feel like my body.
At least, not the one I'd grown used to. No, it felt different. Perhaps even new. When I studied it further, I found no scars, wounds, or bruises across the bare skin. When I moved I felt no tension or pull in my muscle, no pain at the slightest jolt. It was as if I were completely healed.
Healing was an impossibility. Or, rather, healing to that extent.
Where am I?
It felt like I'd been somewhere similar once before. I searched my memories trying to recall, but it was hard and I was having no luck. What lay before – or lack there of – my eyes was mystical, otherworldly. But I knew I had to have seen something like it before and the more I thought about it, the more likely that had seemed like the case.
Before I could truly remember, a yellow dot of light appeared. At first, nothing happened as it was suspended in space and appeared like a tiny orb. But as I stared at it, it began to grow, becoming brighter and hotter. Soon, it appeared as a mote of yellow light and drifted into the sky – or perhaps sank into the darkness. It disappeared completely from view.
Then, another appeared. Then another, and another. It didn't take long for it to look like a shower of dancing lights. I reached out to touch a mote, and it burst at the touch and a blinding light poured forth. Suddenly, I found myself standing in a large chamber, a brown and red carpet running up stairs which came to a stop just before an enormous chair, a throne made of shell casings. And then the vision faded as quickly as it came.
I found myself back in the darkness with the motes. I touched another, and like before my vision was filled by light and I came upon another room. It was my bedroom from Vault 100, but it looked destroyed. As if someone had a really bad day and needed to vent. Just like before, I barely had time to take in the view before I returned to the void.
That was when I noticed an outlier – a light different from the rest. And I finally realized where I was: I'd entered a dreamscape. With a wave of my arms I started to swim toward the new mote, and after about a minute it came within reach. This white orb shined brighter than any other light here and I felt compelled to grab it. Yet when I went for it, it shied away, twisting just out of reach.
With another wave of my arms, I swam closer, yet it spun farther away. It was like an intricate dance, as I pushed one way, it'd pull another, and if I pulled, it'd push – never getting closer or farther. A chilling feeling of vexation soon took hold, yet it was both foreign and deeply familiar. Just like that, I held the mote in the palm of my hands.
Joy, euphoria, even pleasure rocked my mind. Yet even that felt equal parts foreign and familiar. Then the mote darkened. The once bright white turned into a dull grey. I found myself feeling accomplished and saddened, like I just broke something entertaining and helpful and was already regretting it.
I should've just discarded this when it still had its splendor, at least then the memory would be whole and untainted.
The thought crossed my mind, but it felt as if it didn't belong to me. I let the diminished mote drift away, its once brilliant luminescence now lost. I turned my eyes, it wasn't even worth looking at anymore. And just like that, I felt myself fading.
My eyes shot open as soon as I regained consciousness. I was on a bed of some kind, and a partition made of cloth ran all the way around the bed leaving a space of about two or three feet in any direction. My view was obfuscated by the cloth, the only way I'd get more information was by investigating. It was times like this that the Pip-boy compass was such a useful tool; not only could it tell direction, but it was equipped with the handy friend-or-foe marker – it was practically magic, for as much as I could understand.
I didn't use it all that often, but it had dawned on me just how useful it could actually be. So looking at the tag, I relaxed a little when I saw no hints of hostiles in the vicinity. I was also still in Siman's Ridge, so I hadn't been kidnapped and dragged elsewhere. I think the only issue was that my things were gone, my chest plate as well. Or perhaps they were on the floor. I'd yet to get up so my view had been distinctly limited.
Pushing against the mattress, I started to rise. It hadn't taken long before I sat up and took in my surroundings; a small end table sat beside the bed on the right, on the left a stool, and scattered around the end table – resting both on and before – was my stuff.
Just like that, I fell back on the bed; my head pounded and my body sore, it felt as if the weight of an ocean had descended upon me and that was all I could do to resist. Yet, it hadn't felt like enough. With how things were going, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer. Not when it felt like my blood was running cold. Even my breathing felt ragged and strained.
The curtain shifted aside as someone stepped in, he was soon followed by another. Yet as soon as they saw me staring back at them, they practically jumped. The one in the lead adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat, "I'm surprised to see you awake. We've given you some pain relief and emergency aid, but it shouldn't have been enough for you to move. That's... astounding."
The man next to him gave a small sigh, "Doctor, this isn't the time. She's slipping."
"What?!" Glasses looked to the other, then back to me, then to the other once more in quick succession. Finally, his gaze reverted back toward me, his eyes were studious and piercing. "Oh... you're ri—" Whatever else he said faded into the background.
Perhaps it'd be fine to just close my eyes. Just for a little.
"Q–ly, we... –r!"
I was surrounded by the inky-black void once again. A sense of fatigue now washed over my being in this dreamscape. My eyes were heavy. At the same time, I felt energized and more alive than I'd been. It was a strange state of contradiction.
I scanned the horizon, but the empty space continued for as far as I couldn't see. It truly was an empty space, until I blinked. Suddenly, I was surrounded by numerous motes of green light. These felt different from the other motes; my gut told me that each color represented something, but I couldn't figure it out.
As more motes appeared, I found myself growing more weary. I instinctively reached out, grasping as many lights as I could, scooping them up and pulling them inside myself. Yet, they spilled forth faster than I could grasp at them. Soon enough, something in the back of my mind told me to stop – to rest.
I let my eyes drift to a close and a new sense of weightlessness took hold, it was as if the weight of the world had disappeared. It felt refreshing, peaceful, like I'd known it once before but had forgotten about it. I could stay here, all I had to do was let go – that was what the voice in the back of my head said.
Perhaps the voice was right. Maybe I was meant to return here. I could find out, all I had to do was stop and rest. My heart ached at the thought of what I was going to do. Slowly, my eyes opened once more.
I just can't do it.
By the time I opened my eyes again, it had felt like I was made of lead and I would sink right into the mattress below me. I heard a faint noise beside me, and when I opened my eyes it became quite obvious: someone was snoozing in a chair beside the bed. It didn't look particularly comfortable, but it was a face I was familiar with.
How long had I been out? It was a simple matter to find out, as I pulled my arm out from under the cover and checked the Pip-boy. Two days was a long time, far more than I planned to stay in this place.
I started to sit up and after a few moments of effort, I rose to a mostly upright position with one arm supporting me; and with the other, I thumped Kyle's leg. I pulled the covers off and moved to get out of bed. Even then, it felt as if I had weights attached to each limb, but I shrugged it off to the best of my abilities and tried telling myself it was all in my head.
As soon as he felt my hand, he practically jumped out of his seat, "Wha–?!" It wasn't until he saw me climbing out of bed that he shook off his drowsiness, and his hands found my shoulders – I winced at the touch and he pulled back in a hurry. "Sorry..." He averted his eyes, seemingly steeled himself, and spoke in as firm a tone as he could manage, "You shouldn't be getting out of bed."
I shook my head, and continued to my feet. It took approximately three seconds for me to fall back on the bed, and about ten seconds before I tried standing once more. By that point, Kyle looked conflicted, as if the sight before him brought both awe, terror, and worry in equal parts and he couldn't bring himself to look away. His eyes showed the turmoil that brewed beneath the surface which steadily bubbled to the surface, and by the time it began to show his hands found my shoulders and I found myself being firmly pushed down on the bed.
"Stop. Just... stop..." His voice had barely broken a whisper, but it was all I heard, as if the rest of the world fell by the wayside. He'd been looking away, perhaps due to frustration; and when his eyes stared into my own, due to the close proximity, he saw past the curtain and something within caused my emotions to reach my face. Upon seeing that his face contorted and made a weird expression – what had I been wearing at that time for that reaction? – and he looked away once more as he shifted back.
My body felt numb, but all I seemed to notice was the shadow hanging over his face. "I... don't think you can keep doing this," he heaved a heavy sigh and hung his head, "This has been a lot. Too much. Far too much. On and on, we pushed through weeks of turmoil, yet when did you rest? After you pushed yourself too far and you'd collapse."
He inhaled, looked me dead in the eyes with a look hiding no joviality or doubt, and continued, "The doctor told me that many of your wounds haven't healed. It registered to me that you might have a death wish, I mean... what else could explain this behavior? You're practically trying to kill yourself." His brows furrowed as he studied my face, and he scoffed, "You don't believe me? Seriously? You can barely stand right now, and even that was only being achieved due to copious amounts of drugs currently in your system, yet you won't even take a break unless it's forced upon you."
His expression changed once more, he looked hurt and perhaps betrayed – I wasn't entirely certain – and he finally broke eye contact as he slumped deep within the stool. "And it'll be my fault. All because I never tried to stop you." He chuckled to himself, yet I heard no mirth, "Perhaps I was silly to think you cared about your life..."
Time began to pass in pregnant silence as one second turned into two, two into eight; eight seconds turned into one minute, which turned into four. I found myself staring at the ceiling, counting the grains in the wood as I waited for something else to be said or done. But the longer I waited the more it seemed like nothing would change. Until finally Kyle's figure entered my vision as he stood, "So this is my clumsy attempt to stop you."
"I'm going to come back to this place in five days. You can do whatever you want, whether you decide to stay here to rest or to push yourself past your limits to continue, I won't stop you nor say a word at whatever you decide. But if you're still here when I come back, we can go on the next step together. That isn't to say we'd be leaving once I come back as I believe you'll need far more rest than that."
With that, he left and I was left to fester in the quiet.
What am I supposed to do now?
The more I wracked my brain around the issue, the less I found toward any sort of plausible answer. My mind was coming up blank. I knew that attempting to force a conclusion would only bring doubt, so I let myself sink into the modest bedding and eventually just let my thoughts wander where they wished. Before long, I found sleep coming back for me.
"—can even move in her condition. Truly remarkable."
Where have I heard that voice before? Ah, the doctor.
Despite having just woken up, I found that I was still incredibly tired; as if all the exhaustion and fatigue of my journey had come crashing down on me all at once, and I could only fight to keep conscious.
"When will she be up and ready?" Anton was there, apparently. "How much med-x would it take to get her moving?"
"You can't be serious," the doctor's response sounded incredulous, and a measured sigh followed shortly after. "As I've tried explaining to you before, more med-x would be bad. She's already started to cross a certain threshold. Besides that, it's baffling, nay miraculous, that she could even walk back here after what happened out there. From what I've heard, the patient has been pushing far beyond her limits, and that kind of... environment leaves stress. Not to mention what th—"
"I got it, I got it. I'll just have to let her rest, huh? How much will this help?"
For the second time, the doctor sighed in this conversation, and gave his affirmation in as matter-of-fact tone as he could have managed.
What was that about?
"She can take that once she awakens, if she so chooses. Now, I have other patients to attend, if you'll excuse me," the doctor hadn't been asking for permission, but simply informed things as they were as I heard footsteps move away.
Then sounds of someone moving closer until they were right beside me, and a curious murmur sounded out, "Hmm? Ah, you were awake. For how long I wonder?" His question was asked aloud, but it had only been loud enough for me to hear.
There was a rustling followed by something being placed in my mouth, it was cold and hard. "Breathe in deep and count to five." Not certain of what was going on, I soon took a breath whether I wanted to or not; and with nothing better to do, I breathed in deeply. As soon as I did I felt a dry powder hit my throat, but instead of coughing and sputtering, I did my best to count to five. Once done, Anton gave a little, "Good job."
It was pulled from my mouth as quickly as it entered and I resisted the urge to cough and sputter, and, just like that, footsteps sounded out again as someone left my partitioned area. Once more, I was left alone, or so I could tell, as throughout that entire exchange – Anton and the doctor, and whatever that powder stuff was – I hadn't opened my eyes once.
Oddly enough, the only thing I could think of doing was getting back to sleep, and something within me told me that I wouldn't be able to resist the sweet allure of dream-filled slumber for long. So, without resistance, I allowed the dark to take me once more.
-Message Received-
-Medicine Acclimation: Due to your frequent usage of medicines, further medicine is 15% less effective.-
Feels strange to pass one hundred thousand words, but at the same time it makes me happy to see so much progress; particularly in this past half-year.