In light of recent events, James felt depressed. The thought of Kendall and Carlos not being themselves during the tour made him sad. But for some reason he didn't believe it. He convinced himself that all the hardships were temporary and that they would make it through. All they had to do was wait a little longer. Now that the tour was over, he didn't want to think about their problems, he just wanted to rest from the exhausting concerts, disagreements, and misunderstandings. When he returned home, he lied down and opened Instagram, the feed of which he had been flipping through for an unknown amount of time. The smiles of other happy and carefree people had a calming effect on James, so it was no wonder he'd long since lost track of time. But at some point, a message popped up on his screen.

What? He reread the text two more times, but his brain refused to make sense of the five simple words. There was no way they made sense. No, it couldn't be true.

"I'm sorry, we're breaking up."

Suddenly, James realized what was going on at the concert. The girl he'd been seeing in the crowd and in the fan area didn't just look like Jo. Of course she was Jo. The resemblance was too evident..

"Wait, n-no." James paled as he fully realized the situation. While the picture of what was happening was coming together in his head, something in his heart, on the contrary, was shattering. Shattering into small shards of betrayal, pain, and loss. The most important fear that had been lurking inside and had never even been spoken aloud, suddenly burst out of his chest with a piercing scream.

"He doesn't love me, and he never did!"

James could no longer hold back the choking lump in his throat. He let the hot tears flow from his big, hazel eyes, and from that moment on he lost control of his body. He curled into a ball and wrapped his arms around his knees, as if that was the only way he could give himself any support.

He was so lonely. He felt like a defenseless puppy, abandoned in the middle of a busy street and trampled indifferently into the mud. The quiet sobs had long since turned into loud sobs and intermittent cries that had no end due to his ragged breathing.

"I was... only a backup... for you… wasn't I? Bastard!"

James knew why he had always appreciated Kendall. All of his previous partners had only seen him as a pretty dummy, which was why the relationship hadn't lasted more than a week. But Kendall realized that his outward self-confidence was just a defensive mechanism that hid his low self-esteem. His support more than once forced James to overcome his fears and complexes.

It was then that he finally realized that he wanted to tie his life to this man. He didn't remember when his chest began to swell at the mere sight of Kendall, didn't remember when innocent flirting and one-time liaisons became uninteresting. But he did know that at that moment, other people had ceased to exist for him.

What about now? Was his opinion of Kendall nothing more than a naive illusion? It pained James to answer his own question, but he answered: yes, Kendall was no different. He was just as interested in being in a relationship with a beautiful boy. Too bad that boy believed in the fairy tale and let him get too close.

With each thought, James grew more and more frustrated. He seemed to cry every tear he had, but it didn't get any easier. Utterly exhausted, he picked up the phone he'd nervously turned off an hour ago.

After turning it on, the device vibrated with pop-up messages.

Candy:

50 minutes ago: I can't reach you. Pick up the phone, please.

47 minutes ago: James…

32 minutes ago: Is everything okay?

24 minutes ago: It's not your fault, it's my fault, I really want to explain.

21 minutes ago: Okay, talking about the breakup over text was dumb. Please don't do anything to yourself! I'm on my way out.

"Please don't do anything to yourself... Do you really think I'm such a weak-willed fool?" Despair slowly began to replace anger. James gripped the phone tightly in his hand before tossing it to the far corner of the bed. "I'm stronger than you think, much stronger!"

Adrenaline kicked in and James, who couldn't even find the strength to get up a couple minutes ago, jumped up abruptly and went to get ready. The last thing he wanted to do right now was cross paths, much less talk to a traitor!

Fortunately, modeling had taught him how to bring back a fresh look in any situation. After manipulating himself with cold compresses and foundation, he looked at the result in the mirror.

"There, now no one will even guess that there were tears on this enchanting face."

James gave a fake smile to confirm his words.

"Look how handsome and charming you are. He'll regret losing you, but it'll be too late. James Diamond is back in action. Get ready, girls!"

Making his trademark 'face,' he changed into a tank top that accentuated his muscles winningly. Now he felt ready. There was no problem with choosing a destination, because James knew where there were always pretty, flirtatious girls.

Artificial but bright light illuminated the embossed bodies. James usually went to the gym in the morning, so he'd forgotten that there weren't many girls here in the evening. Still, one blond athlete caught his eye. There was something... familiar about her.

Yeah, I see Jo in every blonde now, he thought to himself nervously. The idea of getting revenge on Kendall with a girl who looked like Jo Taylor seemed interesting.

"Hey, gorgeous. Need any help? Although, judging by your figure, you're an accomplished athlete."

"Oh, honey, long time no see," the girl answered as she got up from the exercise machine. "Have you decided to try again?"

Long time no see, try again... As soon as the girl turned around completely, he realized how they knew each other. When James had first returned to Minnesota after the band broke up, he had flirted with her at the gym in an attempt to forget himself. But their meeting at his house never ended up being what he wanted, because he couldn't get someone out of his head, whose name he didn't even want to say in his mind.

"I'm sorry, I owe you an apology for that misunderstanding!"

"Come on." The girl came over and smiled playfully. "Your friend asked me to help you relax, but I couldn't handle it. I think you deserve a rematch at a discounted rate, kid."

James looked at the girl in bewilderment and tried to figure out what she was talking about.

"Wait, what friend?"

"You think I remember names of all the customers? One moment."

While she searched her phone for correspondence, James tried to dig in. The number of discoveries he'd had this day was too much.

"Here, look."

James took the device and quickly turned his gaze to the correspondence:

"Hi, I looked at your pictures on the website and you seemed like a very suitable girl. In the second picture are you in the Lyndale Avenue lounge?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"I have an unusual request. A friend of mine is in dire emotional need of release right now. Can you help him? You'll recognize him tomorrow night in this gym. I'll send you a picture. Just don't tell him anything about me, just act like an interested girl."

"You're weird, okay. You do realize it's gonna cost more, right?"

"We'll agree on a price."

"What's your name, anyway?"

"Kendall."

After seeing the name, James stopped reading further.

How confusing... If Kendall didn't care about James, then why was he doing anything to save his then-only friend from unbearable moping? On the other hand, was that the kind of thing a truly loving person would do, even if they weren't dating at the time?

"I don't understand. I hate it!"

A loud bang on the wall rang out in the hall, followed by the visitors staring at James. Seconds later he felt a strong throbbing pain and clenched his fist, moaning quietly.

"Hush, sweetie." The girl touched him gently. "We can relax away from here."

"I don't need your 'relaxation'!"

James abruptly took his hand off her shoulder and went for the elliptical. He had already regretted the idea of having fun away from home a hundred times because it only made him more angry. It seemed like the whole world was against him today.

But where was James supposed to go? Go back home, where Kendall was probably waiting? Oh, yeah, just what he needed – to have a nervous breakdown. Go to a bar and drown his loneliness with alcohol? Sure, James wanted to drink himself into oblivion, but more than anything, he wanted to prove he had an inner core. Let Kendall and everyone else know how strong of a spirit he is! He's not a wimp, an alcoholic, or a hysteric.

At these thoughts, James jumped up from the exercise machine and headed somewhere. As it seemed to him, he had made one of the strangest, but most appropriate decisions for such an absurd situation.

"Okay, I'll do it. Let's just go to your place."

"And what are your preferences?" she asked, flirting boldly from the doorway. Surprisingly, James didn't reciprocate.

"The most perverted is just talking." James felt lousy after saying that. At what point had his life hit such a low point that he was willing to spout off to someone he barely knew? Whatever, though. He just wanted someone to share his burden with and try not to go crazy with.

The girl raised her eyebrows suspiciously: "Sweetie, did I get it right? You're not interested in anything more?"

"Stop being a hypocrite." James rolled his eyes. "Save your 'babies' and 'sweeties' for the rest of us. I want to be your normal conversation partner. And what's your real name, anyway?"

Suddenly, the blonde's tone changed: "Hmm. Gloris. Be whoever you want, but pay like everyone else. Or better yet, money up front. You're too... cloudy."

"Oh, cloudy, I'm bad for everyone again! Do you really think I wanted to cheat you?" James grinned evilly and abruptly pulled out some bills from his wallet. "Here you go! I wish these papers were as omnipotent as they say they are. You know, my mom owns a cool cosmetics company, but I'm still pretty damn unhappy."

"It's easy for all you bigwigs to talk about money. You weren't born into poverty when you need money," Gloris said with cold contempt for her interlocutor and put her foot behind her leg. "Poor rich boy."

"I don't know your story and I'm not going to judge you, so would you please shut up? Yeah, I got money, so what? Maybe it'll bring my friend back from the dead. Maybe it'll mend a broken heart? Or maybe it'll fulfill the musical dream I traded in for an indifferent creature? How could they not? Oh, what a shame!"

James finished the last sentences with a hysterical breakdown, not hiding the pain tearing him from the inside.

"All right, calm down."

"You're all jerks. No one in this life has ever understood me, and no one will ever understand me. But I'll show you what I can do! You will hear the name James Diamond again!"

With an overwhelming rage, he quickly headed for the exit, not reacting to the girl's words and touches. At this moment, he hated everything that surrounded him and connected him to the past. He had no close friends, no love, and no Big Time Rush left. Yet there was still one single reason that kept him from going to hang himself until now. James saw one last lifeline in the music industry.

With trembling fingers, he typed into the search bar the number of Rebecca, Hawk's assistant, who he had managed to work for as a solo artist. Of course, James had promised himself not to work with the studio, which was a direct competitor of Rocque Records. But why should he care about the ever-humiliating Gustavo and the self-serving Griffin? The Big Time Rush snag is gone, too, which means he's free to do as he pleases.

"It's all or nothing," James barely audibly said, begging to be accepted at Hawk Records and leave that nasty place for good. Thinking over the spontaneous decision one last time, he pressed the call button without hesitation, but with his heart racing. There was no going back.