A/N : big disclaimer here : this chapter includes a lot of songs. I can hear you sigh, I know. Usually, when I read a book or a fanfic with songs or poetry, I just skip that part. I never intended to include those songs in the story, I wrote them because I needed them to express the characters feelings, it helped me write. But now, it seems I cannot go around and they need to appear here. Sorry. Second disclaimer : I am no song writer, so they are not really good. As you already noticed, concision is not my strong suit. As a proof, I give you this story IS IT EVER GOING TO END ?! Yes, it will, soon (I hope). And lastly, I have some problems with the layout of the text, but as I already take forever to post a new chapter, I prefer to post it even if it is not all dressed up. As usual, thank you so much for reading !
The flash drive was sitting on the fancy looking and useless chest of drawers that tried to fill the place in Will's huge room. Near his laptop. But not plugged in. Will was standing in front of the devices, motionless, staring hard at them and unable to decide whether looking inside that flash drive was appropriate or not. But why would Charlotte have given it to him, if not to get a look inside ? Still, he felt like he would be eavesdropping on something personal. Truth be told, after labelling him an idiot when she had given it to him, Will didn't want to imagine what Charlotte would say if he handed Lizzie her flash drive without going through it. And he was curious about its content. He opened his laptop and plugged it in. The files inside were neatly organised between sound recording and songs actually completed. This file was opened, and Will double clicked on the document that was latest modified. The now familiar feeling of longing washed over him when Lizzie's soulful voice filled the room. He would never get over her incredible voice. Richard's absence was now appreciated to its true worth, since he could sigh without being glared at. The disenchantment of the song had him captivated, when some violin popped in. Will's heart leapt. Georgiana. A smile grew on his face. His little sister was so talented, he had never been prouder. And this song suited her so well. When Georgiana's voice joined Lizzie's for the chorus, he had to slowly sit down. This was magical. What Lizzie had done was amazing. The song was incredible, but that the shy Georgiana had participated was even more staggering. By the end of the song, his face sported the widest of grin. Those women were extraordinary. He reached for the laptop and settled with it in a comfortable armchair. This first extract encouraged him to further peruse the files. Some songs were old, but quite a lot were recent. Lizzie had not lied when she had told him that the last few weeks had been inspiring. His cursor stopped near the end of the list, on Where your love is, an old song. He opened the file and recognised the song she had played for him that day. He liked the acoustic version better than the one completed with drums and a bass guitar because of the memories that were linked to that moment. She had sung to him only, and she had been magnificent. He stopped the music after the first chorus. The cursor flew over another title. Richard's song was written in brackets. Irrational jealousy immediately boiled in his veins. He knew now that they had not slept together, yet, he couldn't control his envy over the attention she was giving his cousin and depriving him of. And damn, it was a good song that wrapped Richard up perfectly. What would she write about him ? Maybe he should be looking for a song titled Self-Centred Bastard or Arrogant Prick. He snorted. No, one does not waste time creating a song about someone one hates. There are so many other subjects to write about. The thought had just finished forming in his head when another file caught his eye. A file named Hate song 1. Well, apparently he was wrong. Some people do write music based on something they strongly dislike. Very wrong, judging by the other two hate songs that also appeared on the list. His heart was squeezed by a strong invisible hand. That's quite an intense hatred. Oh no, there he was at it again, being an egocentric dick. Old habits die hard. Maybe those songs were not about him at all. A deep breath seemed to help loosen the grip on his heart. There was only one way to find out. He selected the first one, whose official title was The Beast. The beat was fast, mimicking the motion of some dangerous wild creature trapped in a cage, its anger escalating quickly. Fury and hurt were colouring Lizzie's metallic voice when she started singing.
My fingers itch
To tear away your skin
To rip apart you beating heart
That scar that drives me mad
Was yours from the start
What a delight it would be
To have your blood all over me
You made a beast of me
Ready to hunt you down
To make you feel my need
I am a beast unleashed
Ready to tear you to pieces
To make you feel my pain
My claws in your vein
You made a beast of me
Well, the message was clear, to whom ever it was addressed. That person must have annoyed her real hard, or hurt her. Somehow, Will sensed that it was for him. It dated from a few weeks ago, when she was already playing for them and they had their…whatever that was. His uneasiness at hearing something that was surely never meant for his ears grew. Maybe he should stop listening now. On the other hand, Charlotte seemed to think he should get through her friend's music. Another deep breath, another hate song. The hate song number 2, You Are a Liar had a totally different sound. Bluesy and languid music came from his computer when he opened the file. It mixed perfectly well with Lizzie's expressive voice.
You are a liar
You lied to me
You are a thief
You stole from me
The fault is all mine
And now I have to beg
For all the pieces of my heart
You're throwing in the wild
The fault is all mine
Pretty face and no heart
You wore a mask
So very ugly behind
Gone all you took from me
I gave it to you, stupid me
I shed my skin, a change indeed
'Cause you crawled beneath it
And burnt it
You are a liar
You lied to me
You are a thief
You stole from me
The music was less chaotic, the voice calmer yet still mesmerizing, but the lyrics were very explicit again. Did he irritate her that much ? It was a wonder she could tolerate his presence at all. Let alone kiss him. He frowned. She had kissed him. And she had liked it, that was no figment of his imagination. And sometimes, when she looked at him, it was not hatred that showed in her eyes. Charles and Georgiana had hinted this way. Could all three of them be wrong ? But, if she did not abhor him, then why these passionate songs ? For a fleeting few seconds, he was tempted to text Charlotte. She knew, or else she wouldn't have given him these songs to listen to. Should he listen to the last hate song ? It couldn't be much worse, could it ? Maybe Charlotte wanted him to leave her friend alone because she strongly despised him but was too polite to say so. He clicked on the third hate song, Girl With The Red Dress.
Hey blonde beauty
Where is that pretty smile going ?
Who are those lips kissing ?
What are those hands touching ?
Keep that dress on
Keep that dress on
Hey blonde beauty
You're stepping on my property
Keep that dress on
Keep that dress on
I see red in your dress
Cut it into shreds
Now you're naked and afraid
And I smile, I smile
At the girl with no dress
The bayou rhythm of the music enhanced the aggressive lyrics. Anger seemed very inspiring for that girl. Darcy combed a hand through his hair and closed the file. There was enough to ponder. He was about to eject the flash drive when the second file appeared. « Sound recording» . Why not wander there a little, while he was at it ? That way he could listen to Georgiana's recording sessions. The file was opened. There were a lot of audios. He was immediately attracted to the few « Violin» recordings. Now, on top of hearing his sister play and sing, he could listen to her giggle and chat with Lizzie while recording. It was so refreshing, Lizzie had made a great job at easing his sister's nerves. She was incredible. And she hated him. Maybe he could get some additional information here. He looked for some files related to the hate songs he had just listened to, still clinging to the hope that they didn't refer to him. There were quite a few. The recording had started a few weeks ago. Wait, wasn't that the night he had brought that girl in his bed ? That couldn't be a coincidence. He opened the first file. Lizzie's voice came from his computer.
- Something like that.
A haunting guitar rhythm followed, vaguely similar to the song titled The Beast.
- Hum… I like it, Charlotte answered.
Some drums paired with the guitar and the tempo accelerated. The music grew louder for a few minutes and stopped.
- Animalistic, Charlotte commented. One more time ?
They started playing again. After a few measures, Lizzie sang a few sentences. Charlotte offered some change of words from time to time. It went on for another 5 minutes.
Will then randomly selected one of the files of Girl With The Red Dress. Lizzie was playing the guitar again.
- Want to swap ? Charlotte offered. You should really bang on something, that would help.
- No, I'm good.
Her voice was small, she was not good. A lump slowly formed in Will's throat. She started playing again and sang along, her voice sadder than he had ever heard it. The mass in Will's throat grew bigger. Charlotte picked up Lizzie's pace and added her beat. The song already sounded a lot like the finished version. The last measure of guitar was followed by a barely audible sniffing.
- You can cry, you know, Charlotte gently told her.
- No, Lizzie growled.
Charlotte chuckled.
- Obstinate girl. Want to call it a night ? It's late anyway, she nicely offered.
More sniffing and what sounded like a nose being blown could be heard before Lizzie answered.
- Surely not. I'm not going to go to bed miserable and alone while he is having all the fun ! she exclaimed.
A breath caught in Will's chest. His whole body went still. So it was about him. Even worse, it was because of him. Oh God.
Another round of chuckles outstripped Charlotte's next words.
- Fair enough. I'm sure the sex is bad anyway. Have you seen this girl ?
Both girls laughed, one giggle sounded more watery.
- Let's leave this one aside for now, it's too… real.
The last word was a bare whisper. Silence stretched for a few seconds.
- You know what, a more joyful Lizzie added, I have an idea for another one !
- That's my girl ! Charlotte applauded.
- And I'm going to follow your advice and hit the drums.
- A wise decision.
- Which one ? To swap instruments or to listen to you ? Lizzie teased.
Will breathed out slowly. Hearing her teasing tone again was a relief, but it wasn't enough to make him forget that she was sad and badly hurt, all because of him.
- Both, of course, Charlotte's satisfied tone answered.
Lizzie's laugh echoed again, and Darcy breathed more deeply. Motion sounds then covered everything else.
- How about this.
Lizzie had settled behind the drum kit and was energetically playing. And to think he had once thought she couldn't play the drums. She was much more talented with sticks than with chopsticks.
- Feels better, doesn't it ? Charlotte enquired. Oh wait, let me start a new recording file.
The file ended.
Will's eye were still focused on his computer screen after the audio stopped. The discrepancy between his slow shallow breaths and his heart hammering in his chest was the only physical evidence of his turmoil. So, she hated him, so much that she actually recorded three songs about him. And she was sad that he had slept with that girl. There could be only one reason for that. As his eyes slowly closed, all her songs came back stabbing his guts. He had hurt her, so bad, and he had not even realised it. Charlotte was right, he was an idiot. How could he ask for Lizzie's forgiveness ? What could he possibly do ? In his despair blossomed a small hope, warm and soft, still fragile but definitely there. A new and good nervousness filled his whole body. Love and hate are on the same side of the pitcher, or so Charles had preached. Maybe this time it was true. Calm down, maybe you're overthinking this. Even if he did, he couldn't keep living in this limbo of uncertainty. He had lied to his sister, he was going to do something about Lizzie. If there was a chance, he wouldn't let it slip through his fingers. He needed to know. He reached for his phone and texted Charlotte, a simple « You are right». Then, he opened a blank document on his laptop and started typing. Ten minutes later, his guitar was on his laps, his phone in front of him, ready to record. It only took three takes to have it right. His song was added to her flash drive, after the two main files, where it couldn't go unnoticed. That was the easy part. Now, time to give the device back to her. That could be easy too, he just needed to knock on her door. Before he could get a chance to think that maybe it was a bad idea, he stood up and exited his room. The suite the girls shared was on the same floor as his. His long strides quickly swallowed the few feet that separated the two rooms. He decidedly knocked on the door, but minutes passed and it remained shut. No one was there. Shit. He had forgotten this could be an option. An exasperated sigh left his lungs. Damn. When was he going to give it back to her now ? He toyed with the flash drive in his pocket. There was not much more to do, she could be anywhere. He blew out a breath. Coffee might help. He turned around and headed to the hotel bar.
- You don't sound as bad as you said, Georgiana said, putting her bow and violin away.
The lesson had stretched and had eaten up the entire morning.
- That's because you're a patient and skilled teacher, Lizzie responded.
The young girl blushed under the compliment. The poor girl had her emotions plainly written all over her face, unlike her mysterious brother. He managed to hide his feelings quite well. Their previous encounter came back to Lizzie's mind. She had wanted him to kiss her so much, she had been sure he was about to. Nope, she didn't understand at all. She packed her instrument and got up.
- Thank you so much, I learnt a lot.
- You're welcome, Georgiana mumbled.
She cleared her throat.
- I'm going to have lunch with Will, he's probably wondering where I am.
The many messages that cluttered her phone proved her right. Lizzie couldn't keep the smile that tickled her lips.
- Quite a protective brother, isn't he ?
With Georgiana's eye roll, she laughed fully.
- You have no idea. It's not like I live on my own when he's traveling all over the world, she said sternly while typing on her phone.
Lizzie's giggle intensified. Looks like that dry sense of humour ran in the family. Oh, she really liked this girl. Another quarter of an hour passed as the girls chatted. Contrary to her previous plans, Georgiana was going to stay a few days longer. In the past, she had joined the band on tour a few times, but it had never been this interesting. She was not going to miss a beat of what might happen next. They had almost reached the door of Georgiana's room when someone knocked. Georgiana revealed Will's tall figure when she opened the door. The huge smile he sent his sister almost blinded Lizzie. Oh dear God was he stupidly good-looking.
- Hey, ready ? There's a Korean restaurant you're going to love two blocks away.
His smile faded and his sentence stopped when he finally saw Lizzie standing just behind his sister. In his pocket, the flash drive suddenly felt heavier. His hand tightened around it. In a slow but decided gesture, he handed her the device, along with the bewilderment that seemed to accompany it.
- I think it's yours.
His throat had abruptly felt so tight, he was somewhat surprised he could utter a full sentence. Lizzie's wonderful baffled eyes went from his face to the object in his hand and back to his face. So, that was how he had looked like when Charlotte had given it to him. Well, he surely was not as adorable. And he was pretty sure his mouth had been closed. The flash drive remained nestled in the palm of his hand. When both Will's brows crept up his forehead, Lizzie realised she should take it. Her cheeks coloured a little.
- Where did you get it ?
- I passed Charlotte in the hallway, she gave it to me.
A frown accompanied her narrowed eyes. He was bad at coming up with excuses, but even to him this truth sounded improbable. Nevertheless, he was not going to lie.
- Why ?
The corner of his mouth went up a little. She was going through the same steps he had a few hours ago.
- You'll have to ask her, he shrugged.
Lizzie stared at the flash drive a few more seconds, than put it in her pocket.
- Thanks again, Georgiana, she smiled at the girl.
She then turned to Will.
- See you at the rehearsal.
On that, she was out of the room.
With her gaze fixed on her flash drive while walking the corridor, she almost missed her room. It seemed to have a pretty interesting and independent life. How did Charlotte get it anyway ? She'll have to ask her when she sees her next. Which was right now apparently, since she was in the suite as Lizzie entered.
- Hey ! Were you abducted by last night's movie's aliens along with my flash drive ? she inquired.
- Good morning to you too, Charlotte responded on her usual pragmatic tone. So, you got it back, good. I told you I was going to take it, but you must have been already asleep. I'm sorry, I should have left a note.
A wave of Lizzie's hand told Charlotte it was ok.
- Why did you give it to Will ?
Her friend's only answer was an enigmatic Mona Lisa style smile. Lizzie knew that smirk, Charlotte was not going to tell her anything. Mouth pinched, Lizzie breathed slowly.
- Come, I'm going to have lunch with Richard and Maria, Charlotte dragged her by the arm, not letting her any choice. And then, you'll listen to the beats I recorded last night for your hate song and you'll tell me what you think about it. Please, be indulgent with the sound quality, I drummed on the bathroom walls of Richard's room, she explained while they were getting out.
Lizzie eyed her friend for a few seconds, then she bursted out laughing when Charlotte nodded.
- I can't wait to hear that !
One hour and a laughter-filled lunch later, Lizzie was back to her room, just as eager to listen to Charlotte's beat as she had been when she had left. It must sound a lot like the music they played when they started in the Lucas' garage. That was a fun time. The flash drive was plugged to her computer, but Charlotte's drumming slipped her mind as soon as Lizzie spotted an audio file in between her two main files. Charlotte knew where to save her sounds, so what was that ? There was no title. Oh no, was this a virus or something like that ? She hoped not. Maybe she should delete it, just in case. But maybe it wasn't. Perhaps Charlotte had been tired too last night and had saved her sound in the wrong place. Well, there was only one way to know. She held her breath and clicked on it. A jerky and optimistic guitar rhythm came from her computer. Definitely not Charlotte. After a few bars, Will's deep voice followed. Her eyes went wide, the breath Lizzie was holding now had nothing to do with the fear of a computer bug, nor did the goosebumps on her skin. His voice never failed to have this effect on her.
Your songs remind me of breathing
When somehow I forgot
Squeezed further and further in blackness
I gasped and called in the dark
Your songs remind me of hoping
When somehow I could not
Lost in some kind of darkness
I stumbled into the walls
Your songs remind me of dreaming
When heaven was closed for a while
Now the door is slightly open
I knock and it's you that I find
When the song ended, her jaw remained open. Wait. Wait wait wait, what ? This lovely song was for her ? Really ? Obviously, it was on her flash drive. That he gave to her. Personally. Even though she was already sitting down, there was still a risk for her to fall over. Her pulse quickened. Was this a love song ? Nobody had ever written a love song for her. She might melt, this one was charming. Wait, did this mean he was in love with her ? One part of her brain seemed exasperated by the slowness of the other part, the one asking stupid questions. If it was physically possible, her eyes grew wider. Oh fuck ! Did he listen to the songs ? The hate songs that are clearly labeled 'Hate Songs' ? Again, obviously, he did, otherwise, his song wouldn't relate so clearly to her songs. Oh no. She needed to apologise for that. And kill Charlotte, if she had not… Charlotte had. Charlotte knew what she was doing. Lizzie's eyes narrowed. Her heart sped up in her chest. She checked the hour. Thirty minutes until rehearsal.