Ilia Amitola was a master at concealing herself when she didn't want to be found. Be it through camouflage, physically fitting into a small, obscure place, or some other means of trickery, the former Whtie Fang agent had come up with all sorts of ways to stay out of sight and become untraceable both in and out of combat. Blake Belladonna could easily attest to her friends's prowess even at a young age- the girl had lost countless games of hide and seek by virtue of simply giving up after Ilia had blended expertly into the wall up in some obscure space or other. When Ilia wanted or needed her space, she always managed to get it, circumstances be damned.
That facet of her abilities was why Ilia spent much of her time laying fully clothed atop her borrowed bed in the darkness wondering why she had elected to go there instead of literally anywhere else in Aurora's Cradle. She was going to be found- likely by Emerald, the person she wanted to talk to least in the moment. It would have been so easy to lose her and simply keep far away from the spaces the former thief would think to inspect… but Ilia had chosen to remain obvious, almost in invitation to the other girl. As she thought through her own logic, she realized that maybe that was it- it would be so easy to lose Emerald, and not just in the sense of breaking her trail.
Perhaps it wasn't about what Ilia wanted at all, but what she needed.
The door opened late into the night, revealing exactly the silhouette that Ilia expected to see in the open space. She didn't bother to move or divert Emerald's attention away from her, and instead remained exactly where she was as the other girl took an uncertain step inside.
"…can I turn the lights on? I don't have super faunus vision and it's dark in here."
"Please don't," Ilia groaned. It wasn't just about the momentary unpleasantness that the sudden shift into the light would bring- it would also be easier to talk if she couldn't see Emerald quite so clearly as she normally could. Perhaps she could almost convince herself that she was talking to someone else, and therefore, total honesty would come quicker. "Just… fall onto the bed, if you need to. I won't complain if you land on me."
"That sounds a lot less sexy than it usually would right now," Emerald said without any enthusiasm as she closed the door behind herself and slowly entered the room, taking great care with her steps. "I can't even bring myself to joke around and mean it right now…"
"And it's my fault," Ilia admitted, closing her eyes as she felt some weight sink down at the edge of the mattress. "I shouldn't have said what I did back in the underground. I was…"
Emerald paused to let Ilia finish, but the girl never did.
"…you were scared. And a lot of the time, people start telling the truth when their back is against the wall. I'm not mad at you, I'm just… I've been doing a lot of thinking."
"I didn't mean it about you," Ilia tried, putting emphasis on the word. "When I said some people can't be redeemed, I obviously meant Jacques, but also…"
"If you say yourself, I'm going to hit you," Emerald warned as she inched along the bed, eventually working her way up to lying next to Ilia. "You've come a hell of a long way, and you're helping me along on my journey. If you give up, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I'm totally lost and just following your lead."
Ilia let out a sigh and shook her head, rolling onto her side and away from Emerald.
"I got… really used to being around Blake, back in the day. She was everything to me, and then… she left. I was heartbroken for a lot of reasons, and I just kinda walled myself off and resolved to become the ultimate standalone badass faunus huntress who didn't need anyone else. After long enough, that became exhausting, and Sun found a way to chip through my armor and pull the little girl who just wanted to be loved back out from her shell."
"So you left him behind and threw yourself into a solo suicide mission as repayment?" Emerald questioned.
"…I know I deserve the sass right now, but it's also not helping," Ilia said flatly. "It's not like that. I wanted to… I guess I wanted to prove that I can still stand on my own two feet after leaning on him for so long. That I'm not completely reliant on him just because he made my life better, and I also want to… I want to impress him. And with you, I kinda wanted to… you know what, fuck this. Let's just get some sleep, and I'll be fine in the morning."
"Ilia," Emerald said loudly enough to cause the faunus to tense a bit. "Don't play games with me. What did you want with me? I want to know exactly where we stand."
Ilia inhaled deeply and let out a sigh, shaking her head once again.
"…I saw an opportunity to be 'Sun' for somebody else. I wanted to help you like he helped me, both because I look up to him and consider him family now, and to prove that I'm not a total fuck-up and I can still do something positive with my life by changing yours."
Ilia felt Emerald sit up in bed, and she could feel the other girl's anger. The faunus braced herself for a punch to the side or the back of her head… but the blow never came. When Emerald spoke again, she was angry… but not for the reasons that Ilia had guessed she would be.
"When is it ever going to be enough for you?" Emerald asked. "When will you ever be happy with who you are, Ilia? This entire time, I've been looking up to you, practically in awe of the fact that you turned it all around so quickly and found your path away from what seems like a similar shitty, abusive, and unfortunate set of circumstances that sounded a lot like mine. Now you're ready to just lay here and tell me that it's all shit and you didn't accomplish anything? I'm so far behind you that if you think you're struggling to start, you really must believe I'm a lost cause whether you meant it down in the cells or not."
Ilia rolled over onto her back once again, staring up at Emerald and making eye contact through the darkness. She chewed her lip for a moment before simply speaking her mind, even if it made no sense to her at all.
"It's… different with you…"
"What's different?" Emerald demanded.
"My standards," Ilia answered without hesitation. "How I evaluate other people isn't the same as how I evaluate my own life. I have to be more. I have to push harder, be better, and just…"
"For who?" Emerald asked. "For Sun? He's not going to say shit against you. For yourself? Well guess what, you're really, really bad at evaluating what people are worth, and there are two examples of that in this bed right now."
"So, what, you're allowed to just shit all over yourself, but I'm not?" Ilia asked, getting annoyed.
"If you don't value yourself, how can I trust all this value you're putting on me?" Emerald countered. "And it is the same, Ilia! Don't tell me that I get some smaller set of criteria to be a salvageable person in your eyes, because I'm not playing by those rules."
"Then what do you want me to do!?" Ilia asked as she sat up, her anger turning into desperation. "Just… rewire my stupid fucking brain into something it's not?"
"I want you to let me care about you!" Emerald exploded. "The way I thought you were starting to care about me! If I'm just your little pet project to 'fix' because you want to play savior… then…"
Emerald paused, looking down at the bedspread and clenching her fists in frustration. It was her turn to close her eyes and shake her head as she sighed, earning a look of pity from Ilia.
"…then I'll still accept that from you, because I could really, really use the help, and I can't do this on my own… but if I'm being honest with both you and myself, I was starting to feel like I wanted something more out of all this. It's not about the sex. It's not about how damaged both of us are. It's about the fact that you gave me a chance at all, you're continuing to do so, and you're just… you've never made me feel like I can't be something more until tonight. It has nothing to do with what you said underground when you were scared in the moment, and everything to do with the way you look at yourself. I've never really had someone in my corner like you, Ilia, and I've only known you for a matter of days. I want you, but it sounds like you don't even want yourself. I can't do all the lifting for both of us."
"I…" Ilia began, unsure of what to say. "I… want you, too, Em. As for myself, I was kinda… slowly starting to get there, but then…"
"Why would you listen to Jacques and Robyn?" Emerald asked. "They're just… they don't have your best interests in mind, just like Cinder didn't have mine. For a long time, I thought she was holding up a mirror for me and convincing me of who and what I was. I didn't realize she wasn't until you. You can't let yourself be so desperate for attention that you'll allow just anyone to tell you who you are and could be. Only some people should be able to speak to you on that level."
"And how exactly are you so sure of all of this?" Ilia asked.
"Because I did things way, way beyond what I should have as a result of taking that approach," Emerald answered. "Things I don't know how to make up for. I know how to start down my path of redemption and where I want to get to, but I don't know what steps to take to connect Point A and Point B. You seem to know every single step or make it up as you go and you handle it all gracefully, but you can't see the goal at all and you're convinced you haven't even taken Step One. I think together, we could get this done… but I need you to buy in with me, and mean it. I know we can't solve everything tonight, but we can start. If I'm being honest with you, this is more important in my mind than stopping Salem… maybe because I feel like I can't contribute to stopping Salem without something like this. I need you, or someone like you, and I think, seeing you now… you need me, too."
Ilia deflated slightly before scooting closer to Emerald and putting her hand top the other girl's. A moment later, their lips met, and Ilia ended up straddling Emerald's lap before taking her down to the mattress in a close embrace. Despite the way that their last physical encounter had ended up in Robyn's office, there was nothing sexual or feverish about the kiss, and Ilia broke away rather quickly. Something about the contact was different, and far more meaningful to her.
"You really think we can just choose to move on, and cast aside everyone who won't let us?" Ilia asked softly. "That… as long as you and I think we're making progress, that's good enough?"
"I think that if you add Sun into the mix, it'll be easier to swallow," Emerald advised. "But that's the general idea. You're… a good person, Ilia. Better than most, if I'm being honest. I hate seeing you like this, and it's dragging me down, too. Lean on me when shit like this happens, alright? We're both tough, but we're not invincible. Just… let me try to love you, alright? I've never really had that before in a way that actually mattered."
Ilia paused to brush a strand of hair from Emerald's forehead.
"…if you're talking about romantic love… then neither have I. Nothing that wasn't one-sided."
"Any kind of love," Emerald clarified. "I've never really gotten there with someone. I've just had dependency and lies."
"I've had love with my friends recently," Ilia said confidently. "And I'm getting there with you."
"As a friend?" Emerald asked, sounding almost nervous.
"Already there," Ilia answered. "And romantically? I'd like to. Another kiss couldn't hurt."
"But it could help," Emerald said softly before leaning up and making good on the offer. "Maybe enough of them could save us both…"
Author's Note:
One last thing to take care of before the 'day' ends…
-RD