A/N: Lines in italics are going through their heads. This is the last chapter of the story, but I may possibility include a prequel chapter about the 1980 Summer Solstice during the party if I got in the mood. hehe
Clutching a fluffy pillow to her chest, CC turned to her side, facing the open window of Maxwell's guest room. Sleep evaded her for some time even whilst lying on a comfortable bed with a comforter over her after a hot shower. Thoughts of Niles plagued her mind, and after burying the memories of the night she met him under the inner recesses of her brain, never to be brought out again, the events of the night brought it out to the surface to haunt her once again. Why now? She had lived with the dormant memory for years.
She closed her eyes, forcing herself to sleep. Suddenly she was back at the party wearing her long lilac colored ball gown. The fishtail cut clung to her curves and emphasized her slim figure which attracted the newly graduated college boys that were attending the party. She smiled and danced with them. They smiled and asked about her-what was her favorite color? What kind of movies does she like? What was her phone number? Would she like to go out sometime?
CC smiled and patiently answered each of their questions. They were all nice and kind to her, each kissed her hand as the dance ended, but she could feel someone watching her, catching her every move, waiting in the wings…
She blinked and then she was in her white night gown, holding a burning candle on a three-piece candlestick gazing at herself in the long, wide mirror. Her surroundings were dark, and all she could see was a shivering young girl in the mirror, then he appeared from behind her…
A young man quite older than the graduates from the University. She found herself drawn to him, mesmerized by his clear blue eyes and his hard physique. He took her hand but instead of kissing it like the rest, he pulled her to him and kissed her savagely on the lips.
She couldn't breathe… she struggled against him and with a gasped she opened her eyes… she found herself staring at the same clear blue eyes, but his face was older now, with lines on the corner of his eyes and a wrinkle or two on his forehead. She realized she was lying in the guest bedroom in Maxwell's house with Niles hovering over her.
Taking in all the courage he could master, Niles tapped on the guestroom but received no response after a few successive taps. Allowing himself inside, he found her surprisingly asleep. He found himself drawn to her angelic beauty in a peaceful slumber as he sat beside her by the edge of the bed. She did not look a day older than the time he met her and without realizing it, he slowly leaned over to gently brush his lips against hers. Her lips were just as he remembered them sweet and tenderly yielding. Then without warning, her long lashes began to flutter, and her eyes flew open, meeting his astonished blue eyes.
The lights were closed but the moonlight shone brightly into the room through the open drapes on the window, illuminating the features of the man that often plagued her dreams.
He was the last person she expected to see. Startled, she pushed him away from her, pulling her blanket higher to cover her flimsy nightgown.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in voice higher than she intended but it didn't seem to bother Niles.
"I just came to get my ring back. I didn't know you still have it all these years, hidden beneath those layers and layers of business suits."
CC sat up, unaware the blanket fell to her waist, revealing the lingerie she was wearing. She clutched the ring around her neck protectively inside her hand, worried it might no longer be there, and glared at him.
"It's mine! Someone who once loved me gave me this, and I want to keep it."
Without moving from the edge of the bed, Niles replied harshly.
"That man is still around, and he says you don't deserve the memory of his undying love and devotion, now hand it back."
"No, that man no longer exists. This is all I have of him. That man I fell in love with was strong but sweet, gentle and kind, and smart…"
"And not a servant…" finished Niles with an accusatory tone.
CC met his angry gaze with equal fury.
"Yes, he didn't say he was a servant. He said he wanted to become a barrister…"
"You didn't say you were a sixteen-year-old virgin either," spat Niles.
"It didn't come up…. You didn't ask," yelled CC.
"I will give you the same response. It didn't come up. You didn't ask."
There was a moment of silence as each one glared at the other, neither one closing the small space between them.
"You assumed I was one of Maxwell's friends."
"That was safe to assume. I saw you with him and you talked about Oxford and you look too young… and attractive to be a servant… Y..you're the one who assumed I was older and worldlier that's why you ravished me…"
Her tone was nonchalant, stating something matter-of-factly, her voice quivering like it was painful to remember.
"Okay I wrong to supposed. I heard you were already working as a model, and at the party...you look so ravishing in your long gown. It didn't bother you the men were looking…"
CC threw a pillow straight to his face.
"You dimwit! I was a model. Of course I look good in my gown. I'm used to the admiration. It does not follow that anyone who admires the merchandise can touch the merchandise. You Brits are such hypocrites. You want the women to be prim and proper but you're all savages behind closed doors."
"To draw that conclusion, do you know another Brit?"
Niles felt his blood boil. He hated the thought of another man touching her, but it's been more than ten years, he can't possibly expect her to be untouched by another. She might be but he didn't want to hear about it. Just the thought was enough to make him run amok. There you go again, Niles, jumping to conclusion, he scolded himself.
"Maxwell. Didn't he get Sara pregnant, so they had to get married asap? She was afraid for a while that he might ran out on her… but of course he didn't."
Immense relief washed over Niles. He didn't think he could handle it if there was another Brit in her life.
In a softer tone he replied, "I already said I was sorry."
"You're sorry you seduced me?" cried CC. She didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or hit him squarely in the face.
"No! I mean yes…No… god what do I mean?" he muttered.
His breath caught in his throat. Niles wasn't sure it was a discussion he wanted to face. He just found out that evening she was but a child, and although the age of consent was sixteen, he felt ashamed of himself. He should not have let his baser feelings take over him. He had fallen for her at first sight and, finding her alone on the darkened floor in the middle of the night unchaperoned, he just assumed she was meeting one of Maxwell's friends for a tryst. He was jealous. He wanted her for himself.
CC was looking at him earnestly.
Niles stood from the bed and paced back and forth a couple of times by the side of the bed.
"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. Hate me if you want. I'm not the least bit sorry I made love to…"
He grimaced. "Okay, okay… seduced you. I didn't know you were young, and you were a virgin. All I knew was that I fell for you the moment I laid eyes on you. I told myself I was going to have you even if I climb the mountains of Everest or swim around the Pacific Ocean… that's how hard I fell… then like an answered prayer I saw you alone in the dark…"
He sighed, "But finding out today you were only sixteen… it just racks my conscience..."
"Knock it off, Niles. Guilty doesn't suit you," retorted CC.
How dare he talk about love. How dare he talk so tenderly about how much he fell for me when all these years he did nothing but hurt me with his cruel words, stinging accusations, hurtful jokes, and nasty tricks. He is such a liar.
His eyes blazed with fury. He couldn't believe he was so in love with someone so cold and mean.
How dare she accuse me of lying after I have borne my soul to her; Expressed how much I love her. She the evilest woman I have ever met.
"Give me my ring. I gave it to the woman I love not to some cold, wicked, heartless witch."
His words had stung her, but she was good at covering her pain.
Then her lips formed a smirk as a clever retort came into mind.
"You can have it back if you can return what you took from me that night."
"You know damn well it's something I cannot give back after I took it. But don't bloody deny that you gave it to me with open arms."
He shook her shoulders in anger, forcing her to look at him but she refused to meet his eyes, pushing him away.
Cold…Wicked…Heartless... How can he love me when he called me Heartless. I wish I were so I wouldn't hurt so much.
Her scent pervaded his senses. This was the reason he kept his distance all these years. He knew he was far from over his strong feelings for her. She was his Achilles heel; he just couldn't get his hands off her.
"Even now if I want to make love to you, you will let me…"
He pulled her to him and kissed her lips hungrily.
It was happening again, thought CC. Panic overcame her. She was powerless against his touch…But this time she will not let him hurt her again. She struggled against him, pushing him away to free her lips from his.
"No! Please let me go. I'm not a slut…" she cried.
Niles held her firmly by the shoulders, kissing her neck, her jaw… how he missed the taste of her. CC felt herself grow weaker and weaker with each touch of his lips on her and tears started falling down her cheeks.
Niles froze as he tasted the tears falling down her cheek. It broke his heart to know he had caused this strong, independent woman he loved to break down in tears. He would rather take all the pain she caused him all these years over and over than see her shed a single tear.
"If I let you touch me, it's like proving you were right that I am nothing but an easy lay…please let me go. I can't push you away…"
Niles engulfed her in his arms tenderly, running his hand lightly over her head down to the tips of her golden tresses to comfort her like a little girl.
"Oh darling, CC my darling. You are not a slut… don't ever say that about the woman I love," he whispered as he kissed her hair, her temple, her cheek before tightening his embrace around her.
It felt so right to be in his arms again. I don't want him to let go. I wish I could go back to that night when it was just the two of us against the world.
Still brushing her hair with his fingers, he whispered close to her ear as he pressed his cheek to hers.
"You gave me the most beautiful, precious thing a woman can give to the man she loved. You gave me your love, your trust, your innocence, you gave me everything that night, and it made me fall in love with you even more."
"All these years… you kept hurting me. You said I was a trollop… you called me a working girl at the street corners… you played cruel tricks on me. You cracked jokes at my expense. How can I believe you love me? I could feel your hate, Niles."
Tears started to pour down Niles' eyes as he held her close. If only he could take back all the things he had done to hurt her. He thought she was cold and wicked. It never crossed his mind that like him, she could just be putting up a brave front, a heavy wall of protection. He was so consumed with his pain, he had become oblivious to hers.
"No, no. I do not hate you, my darling. I was just angry and hurting... I'm so sorry."
"Don't take the ring back. The man I met that night, the man who made love to me… He was the man who loved me. I could clearly see the adoration in his eyes as he looked at me. His touch was filled with gentleness. His voice was filled with affection in every word he had spoken to me. He told me about his dreams of becoming a barrister… he said when he succeeded, he will take me away from the dictates of high society so it will be just he and me against the world…and I believed him. All these years I have waited but he has been long gone."
He held her tighter, afraid she might disappear. He cursed himself for deliberately hurting her. Couldn't he take his pain like man? Must he hurt her because he was hurting inside?
"My darling CC, I'm sorry. I know what I did by no means was not justifiable, but as the adage goes: the deeper the feelings, the greater the pain. I thought we were in love, that you loved me just for me. You don't know how painful it was to see you look at me with disgust after you found out I was servant. My world went crumbling down. You were my world and when I saw you staring at me with that look of anger and repulsion from the dining table as I served dinner. I knew I lost you. I wanted so much to hold on to what we have but I couldn't help what I am."
With his arms still wrapped around her waist, CC looked up to stare into his eyes. His voice was so pained she wanted to take it away with her touch. She traced his brow with her forefinger, smoothing the furrow at the edge of his brow near the bridge of his nose, and ever so gently she touched her lips to the edge of his brow, hoping her touch would ease the years of anger and sorrow she had caused him.
"I was young and stupid. In the beginning, yes, I was shocked to see you serving our meals. I was upset you didn't tell me. Initially I was preoccupied with my friends knowing I slept with the butler. I was worried about how you were going to support me if we got married. What would my family say? So many things going through my head at the time… that's how serious I was about us. I waited for you to talk to me… to explain… to tell me what we had was not a lie… to reassure me that everything was going to be alright, but you never came…"
A single tear slid down her cheek, remembering how she had overcome those initial reservations she had about them, but it was too late. He had stopped loving her.
"Then I found you here a few years later when I started working. I felt fate had given us another chance. I wanted to tell you I still love you, but you were so mean and hurtful..."
He brushed the tear away with his thumb and slowly drew her face closer to meet his tender kiss on her lips, silencing any further bad memory.
And when he pulled up for air, he saw her looking at him with so much trust it reminded him of their first night. He started caressing her cheek, feeling her skin with the back of his fingers, combing her hair from the back of her with his gentle fingers. He wanted to make this right. To erase all the bad memories and replace them with love and tenderness.
"Forgive me, my darling. I was older… I should have been more patient and understanding but I had my insecurities about my profession. Dreaming big but ending up in a life of servitude. I went with Max to America to start anew and forget you, but fate was cruel. The pain of seeing you every single day, reminding me of what I lost. It just tore me, and I wanted to hurt you the way I was hurting. In my mind I was not good enough for you to love and it killed me. I thought you found me repulsive because I was a butler. Can you forgive me, my darling? I know I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your love but please say you forgive me."
CC smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
"Does that look like I found you repulsive?"
Niles groaned, trying to keep his desire in place. She was still a tease after all these years.
He cupped her jaw to make her look into his eyes.
"I'm serious, darling. I want to hear from your own lips that you have forgiven me."
CC smiled impishly.
"Well, it all depends…"
"Depends on what, my darling?" asked Niles.
"Depends on how you make love to me."
Her candor surprised him. And it broke his heart to think a lot may have happened to her in those sixteen years. Experiences brought by other lovers or boyfriends that could have been him if he had not been blinded by anger and self-pity. He looked at her sweet smile, the innocent twinkle in her eyes. His bitterness may have scarred and hurt her, but he could see that love still lit up her eyes. He loved her and the important thing was he was her first and her last, anybody in between didn't matter as log as they were together again.
He playfully pinned her down the bed and kissed her with the hunger he felt the past sixteen years. CC gasped as she felt his hardness pressed against her thigh. She didn't expect him to want her so soon.
"Niles..." she sighed in between kisses.
"Can you be a little gentler than the last time you made love to me."
She didn't know if he heard her. He was busy nipping the base of her throat and she could feel him getting closer to the upper side of her breast.
"I know it's not the first time, but sixteen years is a long time. My body may need some adjustments when you make me yours."
Niles stopped his ministrations and stared at her with merriment in his eyes.
"You mean, there's been no one else, darling?"
She shook her head with a wide grin.
He crushed her into his arms.
"Oh CC, darling, I love you. I never stopped loving you."
"Neither have I, Niles."
"Please say you forgive me, darling. Forgive me for hurting you all these years. I know I can't forgive myself but please give me another chance."
"How about I show you instead? I was told action speaks louder than words," teased CC, wrapping her arms around the butler's neck and giving him a sensuous kiss.
Grinning madly, Niles rolled her around the bed until she was atop him.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" teased Niles.
"Of course, a handsome twenty-five-year-old taught me well sixteen years ago."
Niles rolled her over until she was beneath him once again.
"But darling that was sixteen years ago. What you know may be obsolete. I believe it needs some upgrading…"
Her heart soared with great happiness as she welcomed his sensuous kiss. She truly was back in the arms of the man he loved.