RED

After Misty's death, Ash struggles to cope with the loss of his best friend and first love. The revised version of "My Last Breath."

"Watch out!"

Satoshi's shout would ultimately be a futile warning. The car was already skidding towards them, its wheels finding no purchase on the shady ice slick. The teenager tried in vain to peddle faster, to drag Kasumi from her bike and get her out of the way. But even as he pressed down on the peddles, even as he swerved towards her, even as he reached out to grab her arm, the distance between them and the car closed. In an instant, he felt his breath being knocked out of him; felt something in his leg, his arm, his side go crunch; felt himself twisting and flying through the air, his bike coming with him and crashing down alongside him. Then came the second impact when they hit the ground, and in the tumble that followed, his head knocked itself on the curb, his skin tore off in patches on the asphalt, and his vision went black.

And then, after a few disoriented and stunned moments, the pain washed over him.

He might have screamed if he could have sucked in the breath to breathe. Trying to get up and move just made it worse, with his arm throbbing in protest and his leg simply not working. It was a struggle, but he managed to open his eyes, blinking back the tears and blood to what had happened. He couldn't push himself up - not if his arm had anything to say about it - but he did manage to see some of the damage. There were holes in his clothes, and the skin underneath looked red with blood and black with grit. His leg was twisted in a stomach-lurching way, and he only just manage to keep the bile down. Through the ringing in his ears, he thought he heard an ambulance coming towards them, its sirens blaring away and flashing red lights flickering at the edge of his vision. He lolled his head, unable to lift it, and saw that the car was now halfway on the sidewalk. There was a man next to it on his hands and knees, red-faced with tears and in the process of upchucking his last meal. There were other people too, shadows with blue lights near their ears. They must have called the ambulance. He lolled his head over to the other side – breathing was coming a little easier – and then he saw the red. Red scarf, red hair, red skin, red wetness on her clothes, and for a moment he was confused. Then there was recognition, and some strangled sound rose from his throat as he tried to say her name. Kasumi!

In the haze of desperation and fear and pain, memories floated before his eyes: of Kasumi coaching him on his pokémon training, of Kasumi right beside him on his adventures, of the phone calls and the letters they'd shared after she'd taken over the Cerulean Gym. He'd missed her every day in Hoenn and the regions afterwards, and after he'd finally decided to come home and start settling down, Kasumi had been one of the first friends he'd reconnected with. She'd given him all sorts of advice on what to do next, on how to use his talents around Kanto and make the most of the connections he'd made. And somehow, in the process of getting his life on track, he'd found himself getting closer to his first female friend. They'd both mellowed out over the years, and after countless nights crashing at her gym, countless take-out meals they'd had on the road, and countless moments they'd shared between his odd jobs…well, it had surprised no one else when the sparks had formed. Takeshi had ever joked about the electricity between them, but no matter how groan-worthy everyone else's jibs had been, he and Kasumi had been happy. Outside of her battles, he didn't think he'd ever seen Kasumi so full of life before. That he'd been the cause of that had, of course, led to many more jokes, most of them aimed at getting the smug look off his face. Even Kasumi had rolled her eyes, kissed him on the cheek, and told him not to let it get to his head….

So it horrified him to no end to see Kasumi like this. Blood was matting her hair and trickling down her face, and her body had been twisted in a horrible way. Numbness – maybe from the endorphins kicking in, or making just from his horror – started seeping through him. He dragged his hand towards her, grabbing one of hers and rasping out, "Kasumi? Kasumi…please…Kasumi, wake up. Wake up."

Her blue-green eyes stared at him, unseeing…and then they blinked, cleared, and he saw her mouth move. He thought he heard her say his name.

Relief poured through him, warm and sweet as a cup of hot cocoa. "Oh god…thank god!" The words came out as a sob. Breathing and speaking were coming easier to him now. "Don't worry, Kasumi. The ambulance will be here soon. We're going to be fine."

"I...," she gulped, her brow furrowing and her gaze glazing over slightly. "I think…I think I'm okay, Satoshi. I just feel cold, that's all," she rasped, shivering.

From what Satoshi knew about traumatic injuries – and he'd learned a lot about them during his travels – he knew that was a bad sign. He clutched her hand hard, tried to smile through his tears, and wished he could get up and give her the clothes off his back. All of them, it didn't matter, so long as she stayed warm. But he could barely lift his head, so he held onto her, whispering for her to keep talking with him and hold on. "We've got a big match Monday, remember? We've got to show those kids what real masters can do. Come on, Kasumi, stay with me."

She smiled at him weakly. "This…this wasn't how I meant out adventure to turn out."

He tried to scoot closer to her, even though his leg screamed at him to stop moving. "That's…that's okay!" His voice hitched as the bones in his arm ground together. "We'll have more. I promise."

"...You…you know I love you, right? I don't say it a lot, but…," her breaths were coming harder now, quaking as she gasped them in.

His tears made his vision swim. "Yeah…of course I know. I love you too."

She grinned, squeezed his hand in hers, and let her eyes fall shut with a sigh.

Footsteps raced towards them, and suddenly there movement next to his face. People were undoing their hands and he thought no, don't, Kasumi, she needs…! But she needed their help, not his hand. There was the sound of metal scraping along concrete, then the world shifted (the sky is a pretty shade of blue) and swayed. He was carried into a van, and there were flashes of people in blue working over him, the sirens and their shouts loud in his ears, and he glimpsed red and thought, Kasumi, be okay, please be okay, Kasumi. And then the world went dark.

When he woke up the next day, the first thing they told him was that he'd be okay. His bones might ache whenever the weather was bad, but once he healed, he'd be able to walk and use his arm again. He'd be okay, they'd told him. He'd be okay.

Then he asked them how Kasumi was doing. And when they told him the news, he realized, with a sudden and bone-chilling rage, that they were a pack of liars.

Without her, he wasn't going to be okay.

Four months later, when Satoshi was able to walk again without crutches, he headed into the woods north of Cerulean City. His shoes were soon soaked through from the slush, his hands were frozen around bouquet he was carrying, and the wind, while warm for early spring, was still bitter against his cheeks and ears. The forest was hushed around him, the quiet only breaking at the occasional thud of snow hitting the ground, the crackle of ice breaking under his feet, and the call of a whooping swan from across the river. He lifted his head from the bundle of roses and rosemary, his breath steaming from his mouth as he sighed. The sky was clear and sunny, making the melting snow and ice sparkle around him. Kasumi had loved the winter, strangely enough, even though he would have always pegged her for a summer lover. Summer was perfect for beach trips and swimming, but summer was also perfect for swarms of bugs - and when your family owned a massive, indoor pool, the bugs had made all the difference.

Kasumi had told him that the last time he'd been on these trails. The snow had been falling around them in big, fluffy flakes, and he'd huddled in his coat, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his nose and ears stinging from the cold. They'd come to a frozen lake – which was pretty common in these parts – and Kasumi had tested the ice, making sure it wouldn't shatter beneath their weight. When she was certain it was safe, she'd leaped onto it, sliding with her shoes and spinning around to face him. He'd tried the same…and had ended up face-planting in the ice, cutting his lip in the process. She'd helped him up and given him a handkerchief, which he'd pressed to his mouth and hoped would help. It seemed to, and in the following minutes, he'd watched with surprise as Kasumi started to skates around the pond, doing little spins and jumps that should have, by all rights, landed her on her ass. But she was good at ice-skating, and when he'd asked her how she'd learned, she'd given him a smile – a slightly sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"My mother taught me before she died. She specialized in ice pokémon, so every winter she'd take us up here to go skating. My sisters were never really good at it – they took after our dad more, helping him with all his sea-life shows. That's probably where they got a taste for fame," she'd told him with a roll of her eyes.

Kasumi and her sisters had never really talked about their parents. Takeshi's mother and father had abandoned their children, and his own dad had left to continue his pokémon journey when Satoshi turned five. He'd figured Kasumi's parents had done the same, but he supposed even Takeshi's parents and his dad visited from time to time. Kasumi's never had. He should have figured they were gone or at least asked.

So after nine years as her friend, he'd asked. A wistful look had crossed her face, before she'd sighed and told him they'd died in a boating accident. "They were out in the cape, trying to free a few lapras that'd gotten caught in some fishing nets. It was autumn, so storms come in fast and…well, there are a lot of rocks out there and some strong undertows. They went down and didn't come back up."

Her high spirits had seemed to fade at this explanation. Seeing that, he'd give her a one-armed hug and said, "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have asked-."

She'd shaken her head and leaned against his shoulder, her hair tickling his neck and chin. "It's okay. I don't mind. Those were good times, and I can remember them that way now."

Together they'd watched the snowfall, and over the next several hours, she'd tried to teach him how to skate. Between bruising his backside and grabbing her around the waist, he'd updated her on Shigeru's studies, she'd told him about Kenji's last book signing, he'd filled her in on how Haruka and Masato were doing, she'd asked him what he was planning to bring to Natsume's wedding, and they'd both tried to figure out what in the world was going on between Takeshi and Erika. By the end of it, their feet had gone numb and their stomachs had been howling, so they'd decided to start heading back into town. Along the way, Satoshi had suggested different ways for them to warm up (he was nineteen, so sue him), and in response, Kasumi had smirked and slapped him on the shoulder. "You're it, then." And what had followed had been a chase through the trees, with them darting closer and closer to the warmth of the city. Of course, she knew the terrain better than he did, so he'd lost her eventually. Not having his pokémon with to help him find her certainly hadn't helped.

"You give up?" she'd called, her voice floating from between the trees.

Well, it hadn't been a pokémon battle, so honestly, he hadn't felt much shame in giving up. "Much" being the key word there; he was Satoshi Wakahisa, the champion of the latest Indigo League circuit, so losing a child's game was something of a bitter broth to him. But after a minute more of searching in vain, he'd sighed and told her she'd won.

She'd emerged from the side of a tree with a grin. He'd gaped and walked towards her, and then groaned when he saw the hollowed out trunk. If it hadn't been getting dark, he probably would have seen it, but…nope, he'd missed it entirely. "I'm going blind. All that squinting at Shigeru's essays – I blame for this."

She'd laughed. "You can't blame your rival for everything, Satoshi."

"Why not? It's always made me feel better before!"

Her response had been to snort and push him into a pile of snow.

Blinking up at her and feeling the cold trickle down his shirt, he'd cursed, tried to get back up, but only succeeded in sinking further into the snow. He'd reach out a hand and said, "You know I love you, right?" Which was code for, I'm sorry, please help me out, sweetie.

Kasumi had given him a long-suffering look, smiled to soften it, and helped him up. "Of course you do. I love you too, Satoshi."

It had been about a month later, during one of those week-long false springs, when she'd kicked him out of bed early to go out bike riding. She'd already hit the shower and gotten dressed in sweatpants, a hooded sweatshirt, and what looked like some very fluffy socks. She'd pushed a cup of coffee at his face. "Up and at 'em, Mr. Pokémon Master. The weather is gorgeous. We're going out to enjoy it! Up, up, up!"

"Seriously, Kasumi? It's the middle of winter," he'd groaned, trying to cover his head with the blankets. "Besides, I don't have a bike, you crazy woman."

She'd tugged the blanket back down and pointed to the coffee. The smell of it, admittedly, was making him want to wake up. The caffeine would doubtlessly do the rest. "I've rented you one for the day. Besides, I need get some last-minute Christmas gifts, and I'm pretty sure you do too."

Satoshi had sighed (she'd been right about that), had shoved off the covers, and had taken a gulp of the coffee. He'd burned his tongue, but the sooner the caffeine and sugar was in his system, the better. "Fine, fine, I'm moving. I'll be down in ten minutes."

She'd given him a grateful kiss on the forehead, then left so he could hit the shower and get dressed. They'd each grabbed a bagel and munched on them as they headed outside, leaving her sisters a note that they'd be back in a few hours. Admittedly, the warm weather had melted the snow and ice off the roads (except in those shady patches, which somehow managed to maintain the stuff until late spring), so it probably wasn't as risky as he'd initially thought. Unlocking her yellow bike, she'd gestured for him to take the red one, and they'd started out slow and carefully. At the early hours, the roads were quiet, and they typically heard the slush splashing onto the curb, or salt being crunched under a set of wheels, before a vehicle passed them by. Maybe forty minutes into the ride, when their muscles were warmed up and the cool breeze became a blessing, Kasumi glanced at her watch and cursed. "We need to pick up the pace," she'd called out. "The sale at the Silph Store starts in half an hour, and at this rate, we're going to be at the end of the line."

He'd nodded, not thinking anything of it. They'd begun pedaling faster, taking a little bit less time at each intersection to check both ways.

Five minutes later, they'd started crossing yet another street, certain the car coming down the lane would slow down for the sign. And in the driver's defense, he'd tried. He'd gotten off his cell phone and pressed down on the brakes, perhaps a little harder than he should have…but none of them had counted on that patch of shaded ice.

By the time the driver blared the horn and Satoshi had shouted a warning, it had been too late to avoid the collision.

What had started off as a perfectly normal day in their lives had become the end of hers. The funeral, which he'd attended in a haze of physical and emotional pain, his mother's hand clutching his and his friend all around him, had been well attended. There had been somewhere around a hundred attendees, though more had needed to be turned away; they'd made so many friends during their travels, after all, and there had been only so much room in the temple. Kasumi's sisters had collected the condolence money with grateful looks, he remembered, and the room they'd held the vigil had smelled strongly of incense and white chrysanthemums. The priest had said the prayers they'd requested, while the guests had shared stories of their experiences with her. There'd been a lot of crying, but what Satoshi remembered most was everyone trying to make him eat something. While Kasumi was being cremated, they'd been urging him to eat. In the end he'd accepted a few bites to eat, though the food hadn't tasted like anything. Pikachu had stayed curled in his lap the entire time, and the warmth of his starter against his stomach had helped, slightly. It was only after all of that, after Kasumi's bones had been interred in her family shrine, and after a small urn of her ashes had been pressed into his hands, that the driver had come up to him.

"I'm so, so sorry. I know there's no way I can make this right, but…it there's anything I can do, anything at all, please just let me know."

He'd bowed to them, pressing his forehead to the floor, and the others had told him to get up. No one said it was okay – how could they? – but it had been an accident. The driver, Kasumi, Satoshi – they were all to blame for what had happened, but then again, none of them were to blame. It had been that damnable patch of ice and a coincidence – in the end, that was all it had taken to end a life. Satoshi, for his part, had given the man a cold shoulder, wanting with his heart to blame him, but knowing with his mind that it wouldn't be fair. He'd seen the man's horror and regret at what had happened, so he knew he should be more forgiving…but right then, he needed to be angry at someone, and blaming the driver (Souta, his name had been Souta) was easier than blaming Kasumi or himself (though he did that too sometimes). He would later apologize, of course, but that would take him awhile longer. During the funeral, he'd been too much of a mess, a hair away from raging at everyone and everything around him. He'd come close to pounding on Kasumi's casket, bewildered at how such a headstrong, stubborn girl like her could have died. He'd always imagined she'd go down fighting or peacefully in her sleep – not from something as common as a car accident. She'd been so strong, so young, so alive…and now she wasn't.

He didn't remember if he'd cried at the funeral. He'd cried before and after it, he knew, but he'd been so numb during it that…well, months later, he didn't know if he had. Even now, as he stomped through the snow and clutched the flowers to his chest, the purple and pale pink petals tickling his neck, it was hard to accept that Kasumi was gone. They'd cheated death so many times before that it just…it seemed so unbelievable. It might even be funny in an ironic sort of way, in about ten or fifteen years or so.

As he came to cemetery and stepped down the rows, he weaved his way to the Koizumi family shrine. The mausoleum was engraved with mythical sea monsters, with the guardian of the sea – lugia, he now recognized – watching over the graves with stone eyes. He found Kasumi's name carved below that of her parents, her years of birth and death (1987-2006) carved next to her name. He traced the letters and set the bouquet below them. His throat tightening and his eyes filling with tears, he took out the incense holder, put a fresh stick in, and lit it with the lighter Shigeru had given him. As a tendril of smoke weaved up and stung in his nose, he sniffed and tried to steady his breathing.

It took awhile, but eventually he managed to gasp out, "Hey Kasumi." He suddenly found himself blanking on what else to say. He'd thought of a thousand things he would have liked to say to her if he'd had the chance, but now that he was here, they were slipping away from him. He was very aware that he was in the family shrine, so really, her parents could probably hear him too. Eventually he settled on, "As you can see, I've got the casts off. I guess you'll be glad to know I'm healing up. I brought flowers – they aren't water-flowers, but it's still winter, so what can you do? I hope you like them. Erika told me that rosemary stands for remembrance and pink roses celebrate youth, so I just thought…well, I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I…I really miss you. We all miss you, of course, but I really…," his voice choked, and he had to suck in a deep breath to steady himself. "Sometimes it's hard to get up in the mornings. Pikachu helps, of course – he sends his love, by the way – and I'm trying to focus on work. I'm thinking about becoming an emergency responder."

He could almost see her lifting an eyebrow at him. "Not a doctor, I can't do that. But I mean, I'd be one of those people who go to help people after floods and stuff. After some of the crazy things I've been through, I think I'd be good at it. You told me once I'm good at helping people, so that's what I want to do. Yeah…," he trailed off. He sat back, "What do you think? Any spooky signs you can send me from…wherever you've ended up? Because that would…that would help."

A few minutes passed and, of course, nothing happened. He barked a laugh at that – what had he been expecting? – and got up with a grimace, putting out the incense in a puddle of snowmelt. Tucking the holder back into his jacket, he turned to the entrance of the shrine and stopped just as quickly. There'd been a flash of movement at the foot of the portal, and slowly, quietly, he edged himself forward and stuck his head outside. Shivering next to the shrine was a rather scrawny vaporeon, who edged away from him when he crouched down next to it. He held his hand out to it – not, to her, only female vaporeon had that black coloration on the backs of their ears. She sniffed his fingers and gave them a tiny lick, and when he picked her up and cradled her in his arms, she didn't struggle away.

She had to have belonged to a trainer at some point – he didn't see how she else could have encountered a water stone, if not (they'd been pretty heavily mined by humans, so finding them in nature now was difficult at best). It had probably been awhile since she'd had an owner, though. She didn't look as if she'd eaten well for awhile, and noting that she was still shivered, he opened his coat and wrapped her in, letting her poke her head out of the top. It was very much like pressing a block of ice to his chest, but that was fine, he'd warm himself – and by extension, her – up on the walk back into town. The mermaid fox seemed grateful for his warmth, at any rate; she curled up against him with a soft mewl, burrowing her nose into his collarbone. The edges of fins grated against his skin, but that was fine – he'd suffered worse from his own pokémon in the past, so a few scratches were nothing. Nah, he'd bring her to the gym and see if Kasumi's sisters would take her in. There was always Masaki too; he loved the members of the eevee family. You see, Kasumi? he thought to himself, smiling slightly, Look at me, already helping someone out.

He made his way back to the gym, introducing everyone to the new addition. Sakura, Botan, and Ayame cooed over the stray, giving her a bowl of fish bits and wiping her scales down with replenishing oil. They said they'd be fine with taking her in – what was one more pokémon in a gym filled with water-types, right? Glad that finding the vaporeon a home had been so easy (I know the future won't be, Kasumi. I know. But it's a good first step, right?), he'd taken a long bath to warm up, gobbled down some dinner, and headed up to bed. Pikachu, who was cuddling with Kasumi's marill at the foot of the bed, leaped into his arms when he came in.

"Pika?" he chirped, a note of concern in his voice.

Satoshi sighed and hugged his starter. "I'll be okay. It's just…it's been a long day. I need to get some sleep." There's a lot I need to start doing tomorrow. A whole lot….

Just as he was burrowing himself under the covers, there came a scratching sound at the door. He ignored it for a moment, but as the pitiful-sounding mewling followed, he sighed and got up to open the door. The vaporeon crept in, not looking much better for the meal and coat of oil. She looked up at him with wide, dark eyes, and chirped as if to ask if she could stay with him.

He nodded, scooped her up, and let her introduce herself to the others. As he drifted off to sleep, he vaguely began away of the critter curling up against the small of his back, while Pikachu and Kasumi's marill, in contrast, sprawled themselves out at the foot of the bed. As he sank into his dreams, the memories of the past day floated in his mind, shifting in form and in color. In the middle of the woods, the whites and grays and blues melted into greens and yellows, and there was red again – this time, there was a fiery red. It was the red of life, of passion, of love. It was the red of beginnings, not the red of endings.

Kasumi, bright-eyed and whole and healed, stood beside the pond. There was a pink rose stuck into her ponytail and a print of rosemary flowers on her shirt. He remembered then what Professor Okido had told him six months ago: the ones we love are only truly dead when we've forgotten them. Never before. And when he went to her, hugging her and crying into her hair how happy he was to see her, she'd hugged him back and said the same. In the timelessness of dreams, they talked about what was going on in his life, what was going on with others, whatever he could think to talk about (she wouldn't talk about her death, except to say she was fine and well and not in any pain). And when he'd asked her if he was making the right choice, Kasumi had rolled her eyes, given him a long-suffering look, and softened it with a kiss. "Of course you are. Now get back out there and make your new dream come true."

He'd wanted her to be a part of that dream but…well, they both already knew that, didn't they? He smiled, wiped away his tears, and felt – distantly yet distinctly – the sensation of movement against his feet, against the small of his back. He'd be waking up soon, try as he might to stave the new day off (couldn't he have five more minutes here with her?). Grabbing her into one more hug, he whispered, "I'll say goodbye for now, Kasumi. But it won't be forever, okay?"

And as the dream faded, taking her along with it, he felt her lips on his forehead and heard her voice in his ears. "Because we'll see each other again someday, won't we?"

He smiled. "Yeah. We will. I know we will!"

When he rolled out of bed, he went through his morning routine and started making the necessary phone calls. After he'd made his arrangements with Matis, he packed his bags and checked the Houndoom Bus times for the next one bound for Vermillion City. He thanked the Koizumi sisters for their hospitality and, upon realizing the vaporeon was determined to follow him, he sheepishly asked if he could take her as well. They'd waved his embarrassment away, added a few more cans of pokéchow to his pack, and called after him to take care.

A week later, he named his vaporeon Satomi.