REFLECTIONS

A few weeks after the events of "The Princess and the Togepi" and "A Togepi Mirage!", Misty returns home and reflects on Togepi growing up and on her feelings for Ash. The revised version of "Bittersweet."

In the arena of the Cerulean City Gym, the youngest of the Cerulean Sisters sat with her feet dangling in the pool. It was well past closing time, and with the trainers gone and her sisters sleeping in their beds, the gym lay quiet around her. Only the occasional splash of water or the snoring of the family dewgong broke the silence. Since she wasn't going swimming herself – and, moreover, because their pokémon needed the rest – all the lights had been turned out, leaving only the moonlight to illuminate the arena. It mixed with the city lights, poured in through the windows, shimmered silver off the waves. But as peaceful as the atmosphere around her was, Kasumi didn't feel soothed. After all that had happened to her in the last month, though, perhaps that wasn't so surprising.

A few weeks ago she'd made a brief trip to Hoenn, meeting up with her old friends after what seemed like years spent apart. Satoshi had been as enthusiastic and determined as ever (he never would give up on his dreams); Takeshi had been as – well, as desperate for womanly affections as ever; and Pikachu had been as energetic and lovable as ever, leaping onto her shoulder to give her a static-charged nuzzle. During the adventure that had followed, she'd made two new friends in the contest-loving Haruka – a sweet girl with a fondness of shopping and noodles - and her younger brother Masato, whose knowledge of pokémon seemed on par with most professional encyclopedias.

The escapade they'd shared had seemed like a trip back in time, back to the years when she'd travelled with Satoshi and Takeshi though Kanto, through the Orange Islands, through Johto. She would have left with good memories made and with a smile on her face…if it wasn't for whom she'd lost along the way. She'd left her home with her togepi, her baby girl, cradled in her harms, and she'd returned with an aching heart. Her togepi had grown up and evolved into a togetic. She'd become the guardian of the Togepi Paradise and the protector of the baby pokémon who lived there. Oh yes, Kasumi was very proud of her "daughter," she was. But after caring for her baby pokémon for years, it had been hard to release her and say goodbye. But Kasumi knew that if you truly loved someone, you had to be willing to let that person go – to let that person pursue her own life and do whatever's best for her. At least that's what she told herself every time she found herself missing her little spike ball pokémon.

She hadn't only lost her child, though. Once again, she'd chosen to leave her friends behind. The last time she'd done so, she honestly hadn't had much of a choice – not after her sisters had left the Cerulean Gym without a leader, all so they could go on their world tour. But now her sisters were back and were a bit more mature from their journey (albeit still rather self-absorbed). In theory, she could have stayed with the gang and left the gym to her sisters. After all, they were the legal adults of the family! The responsibility would normally be on their shoulders, at least enough she came of age. Of course, exceptions had been made in their case, but even so, she could have tried to negotiate! And she could have tried to tell Satoshi the truth about her feelings for him, rather than leaving him oblivious to them again.

Kasumi should have said something - she knew that! But after years of denial and a rather uncharacteristic case of nerves, taking him aside and telling him…well, even she had her moments of cowardice. She'd always been told that "love makes you stronger" – all of the anime she'd watched and the books she'd read had said so! - but no one had ever bothered to mention the way it tried to gut you first. So now, weeks later, she stewed over the loss of her child and the chances she'd lost. Sleep wouldn't come easy and her appetite was shaky at best. Diving into her work helped keep her focused, but whenever she started to slow down, the question of what might have been – of what she might have done and might have said – dug under her skin and pestered her without end.

Somehow, her sisters hadn't seemed to realize anything was wrong until this morning. They'd mentioned something about the shadows under her eyes and the way her nails were chipping, and had then dragged her into town for a proper makeover and a movie. They'd picked a romantic comedy, of course, which had helped Kasumi feel a little better…but only because of the sheer ridiculousness of the plot. The flashy pokémon battles over every little misunderstanding between the characters (seriously, could no one just sit down and talk things out?) had made her grin a time or two. But the actually romance in the story – a love quadrangle that ran on unrequited love – had hit a little too close to home for her. She'd thanked her sisters, of course – they meant well – and they'd actually talked a little about what was going on over dinner. They'd expressed their sympathies, tried to give her some advice (she wasn't sure how sending Satoshi chocolate would help – he'd just see candy, not the underlying meaning to it), and had handed her a tub of ice cream for some comfort-food ("We like, can't eat it because of our diets, but you should totally have some! It really helps!"). In the end, though, she'd needed some alone time, so she'd offered to close up, had spent some time swimming with their pokémon, and now sat in the quiet to just think.

Her sisters, she knew, would keep trying to help until she was back to her old, feisty self. As much as Kasumi kind of…well, she didn't hate them, but they could be so annoying and frustrating sometimes…but she had to admit, it was times like these when she glad they were there. She didn't want to trouble them, really – it was odd for them to be looking out for her like this – so if only for their sake, she would try to be more positive. She'd get up tomorrow morning and do her best to be that raucous redhead, that spirited trainer, that formidable Gym Leader who defeated her opponents with her water pokémon and a wicked smile. She'd earned the Cerulean Gym a new lease on life, so no matter how shaky she felt right now, she was strong, she knew she was!

She could almost hate Satoshi for "doing this to her." Not that he'd really done anything - hence the quotations marks - except worm his way into her heart and invite her on a new adventure. Sure, that new adventure had ended with her daughter growing up and leaving to start her own life. But if it weren't for Satoshi, she technically wouldn't be going through this pain. Mind you, she doubted she would be who she is now without him – he had a way of growing on people and changing them for the better – and she had to admit, she liked who she was, no matter the lapses in her courage. Of course, it wasn't as if she couldn't justify those lapses to herself. Satoshi was busy pursing his dreams and hardly seemed to think about girls in that way. He hadn't seemed to think of her as a girl at all, honestly. She was just one of his best friends, and it was very rare that he did something or said something that suggested he might maybe, just maybe, think about her as more than that.

The day she'd left the group, right after they'd returned from Johto, had been a good example of one of those times. He'd reassured her that they would always be best friends (and they were), had promised they'd see each other again soon (and they'd kept in touch since then – they had!), had accepted her handkerchief (admittedly without probably knowing what it meant), and had honestly seemed torn up about her leaving him (they'd all been a little torn up that day). And there had been other moments between them over the years, hadn't there? The time he'd complimented her on her bathing suit at the beach; the dance they'd shared during the Maiden's Peak Festival; his jealousy over Fiorello, Danny, and Ralph; the way he'd protected her during that thunderstorm and asked for her when he was sick…okay, perhaps things weren't as hopeless as she was making them out to be.

As the corners of her lips quirked upwards and she wiggled her feet in the water, a sinuous shape weaved in the depths of the pool. It swam closer, making the water in front of her churn and heave. A pair of golden eyes gleamed as they looked up at her, and then her gyarados' head emerged from the waves. Perhaps it had sensed her shift in mood or simply wanted to give her company. She wasn't sure, but as she reached out to pet the leviathan, he made a low – if still deafening – roar of approval. Laughing and urging him to be quiet – her sisters wouldn't like their beauty sleep interrupted – she continued to pet his scales.

She remembered when she'd first gotten him: he'd been a magikarp donated by disgruntled trainer, and knowing the potential the little fish had locked inside ("Not all fish can become dragons, you know!"), she'd gone swimming with him every day and showed him the basics of some simple water moves. With some amusement, she remembered how her sisters had shrieked when they'd come home, taken a dip in the pool, and had found themselves swimming alongside a monster who could swallow them whole. When they'd demanded to know why she hadn't warned them, Kasumi had laughed and said she'd wanted to surprise them. He'd evolved while they were out – wasn't it wonderful? Now they had a gyarados on their roster! Their challengers would have a tough time earning their badge now! Well, they hadn't thought it was very funny, but that was their loss. At least Satoshi had had the proper reaction to the new addition to her team. He'd been awed and amazed, if only because being able to handle a gyarados showed just how much she'd grown as a trainer.

Speaking of which, her gyarados thought that giving her a gentle headbutt was an acceptable display of affection. Which it was…for pokémon whose heads weren't bigger than her entire body. As she was bulled over, she laughed and gave the creature a hug, accepting the offered affection. So much for him being one of the most temperamental pokémon in Kanto. Treat a gyarados right, and you might as well be dealing with a huge puppy (albeit with arm-length fangs and a snake-like body) instead. He wanted to her cheer up, and just by being there for her, he was managing exactly that.

Barely to be heard over the churning waters, Kasumi sighed and said, "Sorry for being such a downer, big guy. Being apart from the people you love – it just sucks sometimes." She patted him on the snout, nodded for him to return to the pool, and smiled as he went. "But you know…I think I can handle it."

She got up, grabbed her towel, and headed to the locker room. She'd have a long, hot shower, some soup and ice cream, and then head to bed. Maybe she'd sleep in a little too.

She'd feel better in the morning.