Morgan knocked on Reid's door. It was Saturday and it had been a blissful case-free weekend so far. But he'd been unable to relax. Reid had been living rent-free in his mind since the flight home yesterday. He had so many questions. So many questions he had already answered to varying degrees. But he had no idea if his answers were correct. Some of his answers led down horrifying roads and he simply had to know if he was right. And if he was, he knew he couldn't leave Reid alone. Not like this. Even if Reid wanted to forget about everything that had happened between them, Morgan would take that, as long as he knew he was okay. That was all that mattered.
Morgan furrowed his brow as there seemed to be no answer. He knocked again then heard what sounded like a thud and a delayed groan coming from the other side of the door.
"I'm coming." Came the slightly irritated voice from the other side.
The door pulled open and a dishevelled Reid stood in the gap. His eyes were glazed and his pupils dilated. Reid's eyes closed when he saw Morgan standing there and he sighed.
"What do you want?" His shoulders dropped and he leaned against the doorframe. Morgan could smell the alcohol coming from him. This was... disconcerting, to say the least. Reid was not known for his drinking, and by the looks of it, he'd been hard at it.
"I've just come to see if you're okay... I've been worried about you." Morgan said, unable to hide the concern in his voice.
Reid smiled and shook his head. "I'm fine. Perfectly fine." He almost sang. His glazed eyes rested on Morgan's, overdoing the eye contact. His body slipped on the doorframe a little and Reid just managed to catch himself. He laughed a little. It wasn't a happy laugh. Morgan swallowed.
"Reid, are you drunk?" Morgan asked, quirking his eyebrow. He already knew the answer to that one. Reid squinted at Morgan and wrinkled his nose, holding his thumb and forefinger up to gesture a little bit. His hair fell in front of his eyes. "You smell like a brewery." Morgan said, pulling his face a little.
"Does that mean you don't want to kiss me?" Reid asked, leaning further against the doorframe and towards Morgan.
Morgan's chest fluttered as Reid's eyes looked at him through his hair, a slight smile playing on his lips. Before he could respond, Reid's lips met his and his body fell into him. His hands grabbed onto Morgan's arms for support and he pushed his body up against him. Morgan was completely taken aback. This was the last thing he had expected after the back and forth they'd had recently. He tried his best to resist, but his body reacted, craving contact with the young man. His lips responded and his tongue was soon meeting Reid's in a messy and desperate kiss. Morgan pushed Reid back through the door and kicked it shut, turning him and pushing him up against it. Reid's hands had now made their way around the back of Morgan's neck pulling him closer. Morgan pressed flush up against him, crushing him against the door, his hands running up and down the sides of Reid's body. Reid moaned into the kiss, making Morgan shiver with anticipation. He pulled his lips away from Reid's and pushed his head to the side, kissing his cheekbone and jaw much like he had in the hotel that night. He worked his way down his neck, earning a whimper and a hard shiver from Reid. He breathed against his ear, then licked and he could feel Reid's knees go weak.
"Does that feel good, baby?" He breathed against his ear. Reid whined in response and nodded, panting slightly. God, he loved those whines. His eyes fluttered closed as Morgan 's tongue slid its way along his ear and down his neck. Morgan could feel Reid's hardness pressing up against his own. Morgan kissed his way back up Reid's neck feeling multiple shudders along the way. He smiled. He loved feeling Reid squirm underneath his touch.
Reid's hips thrust forward, creating friction between the pair of them. Morgan was caught off guard; he moaned slightly and his hand came up to grip Reid's hair. Morgan tugged his head to bring him back into a deep kiss. Reid's hands were running down his back now and clutching on to his t-shirt. He could feel his arousal throbbing as it pressed firmly against Reid's, the friction created by Reid's occasional grind of the hips was driving him crazy. Reid's delicate hands began to snake their way round to his front, running from his chest, down his stomach and landing at his belt. His hands started fumbling with the buckle. Morgan pulled Reid's head to the other side and continued his ministrations on his neck and ear trying to distract Reid from his belt buckle. He didn't want to take things down that road. Not tonight.
As anticipated, Reid's fumbling stopped and he was soon moaning and shivering again under his kisses and licks. He tugged Reid's head back kissing his Adam's apple, feeling it dance underneath his lips. He breathed his way by back up to Reid's mouth and took him into a forceful kiss again.
Then the fumbling at his belt began again.
"No." Morgan breathed into the kiss. "Reid, don't." Reid just kept kissing him, unhooking the belt buckle. Morgan's chest went cold. This wasn't what he was here for. What was he doing? Reid was completely drunk. He had already told him he'd never done this before and he was clearly not in the right mind right now. Morgan chided himself. He was kissing him and letting him push himself further than he was ready to go. He pulled away from the kiss leaving Reid opened mouthed, panting and confused.
"Reid, stop." He put his hands to Reid's and gently removed them from his belt. Reid's brows furrowed a little and he looked lost for words. He didn't seem to understand what he had done wrong. "You don't need to do that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be doing this when you're drunk."
Reid stepped towards him and tried putting his hands to his belt again. "But I want to do this." He said innocently, his eyes flickering unsurely. Morgan grabbed his hands again and pulled them to his chest.
"Reid, not now. Not yet... We have things we need to talk about." Reid pulled his hands away from Morgan's and he slid himself out from between him and the door, heading over to the kitchen counter to pour himself another drink. Morgan turned and watched him with concern. "Reid-"
"You can go." Reid said coldly.
Morgan's chest tightened at the change in demeanour. Reid's walls were back up instantly. He sighed and moved to the opposite side of the counter. "Reid, I'm not going anywhere."
Reid slammed back a neat vodka, pulling his face as he did. "I want you to go."
"It didn't seem that way a minute ago." Morgan said.
Reid's cheeks flushed and his hand instantly went back to the bottle of vodka. Morgan quickly grabbed his wrist, stopping him from picking it up.
"No more." He said gently. When Reid looked like he was going to grab for the bottle with his other hand, Morgan reached over and took the bottle away. "You've had enough."
Reid's eyes flashed with anger and he scoffed. "Whatever." He said like a sullen teenager and pushed his glass off the worktop, letting it smash to the floor. It was such an uncharacteristic move. Morgan looked at him with surprise in his eyes. It told him Reid's mind was in a worryingly destructive place. Reid yanked his wrist out of Morgan's grasp and moved to the couch, slumping down onto it. His movements were clumsy and uncoordinated.
Morgan placed the bottle back onto the counter and moved to sit next to Reid on the couch.
"Don't." Reid said warningly.
Morgan froze for a second, but then continued to sit down. "Like I said, I'm not going anywhere." Reid huffed but Morgan could see the shudder of upset run through his body and his eyes fill with tears of frustration.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" He said in a slightly broken voice.
Because I love you.
"I can see you're hurting." Morgan said gently. Reid took an upset and shuddering breath in. When he didn't answer, Morgan continued. "Reid, I know what it's like to hide something painful."
"I'm not hiding anything." He snapped.
"To not want anyone to know because of the shame and embarrassment. The fear that people would look at me differently once they knew."
"I really don't know why you're telling me this." Reid said through gritted teeth. Undeterred Morgan continued.
"But it destroys you, man. Piece by piece it destroys you." Reid dropped his head into his hands.
"Morgan, stop." Reid warned.
"Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. But actually, it was the best thing that could have happened."
"Morgan, you really need to stop." Reid's hands were tightly gripping his hair now and he rocked back and forth.
"I saw that it changed nothing. It gave me my power back. It helped me to understand that it wasn't my fault."
"Morgan-" Reid tugged painfully at his hair.
"That it was his sickness and there was nothing I could do to change it."
"You really need to leave." Reid said desperately.
Morgan was going to take a chance here. "What he did to you... it wasn't your fault."
Reid turned and looked at him in horror. "What- what who did to me?"
Morgan felt a lump in his throat, this was it. "Your dad."
Reid's expression changed to one of disgust. "You think... my dad..." Reid scoffed and shook his head, breaking the eye contact. "That's... that's just sick." He spat. He stood up from the couch now and turned on Morgan. "What the hell is wrong with you? That's sick!" He reiterated.
Morgan just looked at him knowingly, sadness in his eyes. Reid clearly thought that reaction was going to scare Morgan away. But it inadvertently told him everything he needed to know. When Morgan didn't respond, Reid filled the silence.
"How could you even... it's disgusting!" Reid was almost frozen to the spot, his emotions and panic beginning to overwhelm him. "I can't even... no..." His breath started to pick up and his eyes filled with tears. He clutched at his chest as he felt a burning ball of agony rise up, it took his breath away. The pressure in his throat built until he couldn't bear the discomfort any longer and a sob wrenched out, then the tears came.
Morgan's heart broke and he was straight up from the couch clutching Reid by his shoulders.
"It's okay." He said softly. "It's okay."
Reid pulled himself away, desperate to not break down but Morgan followed him, keeping his hands on his shoulders.
"Don't." He whimpered. Another sob escaped and he pushed at Morgan to put some distance between them. Morgan just moved in closer, putting his arms around him now. Reid's hands landed on his chest trying to keep him away.
"It's okay." Morgan said again.
"No." Reid moaned, shoving at Morgan to no avail. When Morgan didn't move, he pushed at his chest in frustration. There was no real force behind it, his emotions left him weak. Morgan pulled him into a hug putting a hand to the back of his head.
"It's okay." He whispered. Reid pushed a few times more then gave up his fight and broke down, collapsing against Morgan. He buried his face into his shoulder as he sobbed. Morgan could feel the pain radiating from the man he loved. Reid clung to him as if he was a tree in a tsunami. If he let go, he'd be swept away. Morgan squeezed him tighter as tears ran down his cheek. How could he not have known? How could he not have seen it? Like so many things, now he knew, it was so obvious. It had been staring him right in the face for years.
As Reid's sobs started to turn to upset hiccups, Morgan released the hug and took him by the hand, leading him to the couch. Reid didn't fight him now; his energy was spent. Morgan sat him down and put his hands to his face. Reid's eyes were puffy and his face was blotchy and covered in tears. His lip quivered as he tried to hold back more sobs. His breathing hitched.
"Tell me, baby. What did he do to you?"
Reid closed his eyes and shook his head, his face crumpling as another sob wrenched out. Morgan pulled him into a protective hug and Reid rested his head on his chest. They sat back into the couch as Morgan stroked his head soothingly. He kissed the top of his head as he whispered. "It's okay... it's okay."
They sat like that for a few minutes as Reid's sobbing began to dissipate. Morgan could feel Reid's body shuddering in his arms every time he took a breath in, but his breathing had seemed to calm. He kept stroking his head and placing the occasional kiss into his hair. He had never been more desperate to tell him that he loved him. But this was not how he wanted to remember saying those words for the first time.
He felt Reid's body tense and take a breath in. Then his small, croaky voice crept out. "The first time was when I was four." Morgan closed his eyes, this was it. "My mom had been really unwell and had spent the whole day in bed... They'd had an argument about it and my dad had been drinking." His breath hitched again. "It was late... and dark... He- he came into my room and got into bed with me." Reid shook his head. "He was telling me how much he loved me." He almost laughed a little then his voice went deadly serious and quiet. "He got behind me and pulled me up against him... and then... his- his hand went... below." Tears leaked from his eyes and a harsh sob broke out. "I didn't know what was happening. I thought it wasn't right but I didn't know." Morgan kept stroking his head but Reid grabbed his hand to stop him, clearly needing to be in control of this. "He was so gentle at first. He told me it was our special secret and 'Daddy's way of showing how much he loves you'." Reid shuddered. His fist clenched. "The worst part is... I wanted it." Morgan could feel Reid gripping his t-shirt as the feelings of embarrassment and shame washed over him. "I felt loved by him. It was the only time he would give me any attention. And if he didn't come in at night, I would feel... abandoned or like I'd done something wrong. How sick is that?" Reid scoffed and laughed.
Before Morgan could respond, Reid continued. "But then he changed. It was... more. Then there was... kissing." Reid cringed. "And he would get me to touch him and..." Reid hid his face in his hand and whispered. "He'd want me to... use my mouth on him... and he would do the same to me." Reid continued to hide his face behind his hand and in Morgan's chest. "I hated it. I didn't know what I was doing and it made me feel so sick. It was too much." His tears kept coming. Morgan squeezed him comfortingly and Reid locked his fingers through his. He felt him squeeze hard. "On my 5th birthday he told me, 'You're a big boy now, Spencer. So, we can show each how much we love each other the big boy way.'" Reid snorted. "It was my 'birthday present'. That year I got a microscope and I got to have sex with my dad for the first time." He laughed a sick laugh.
Morgan breathed in deeply. Five years old. It made his stomach churn.
"All I can remember is pain. I begged him to stop but he just covered my mouth..." Reid trailed off as he pushed the memory away, very aware that it could easily bring on a flashback. Morgan squeezed his hand in a supportive gesture. Tears were now streaming down his face.
Reid's voice came out croaky again. "From then on it happened at least twice a week." Morgan felt a twist in his chest and before he could stop himself, he spoke.
"Twice a week?" He gasped. "And your mom had no idea?"
Reid smiled a little and suddenly sounded very composed. "My mom spent a lot of time in bed. When she was in an episode, she didn't know what was going on around her and when she wasn't her medications made her tired."
"Did you never have 'normal' days with her?" Morgan asked gently, just wanting to wrap Reid up and hide him from the world.
"Yeah... they were good days." Reid smiled then furrowed his brows. "I used to go into her room every morning to see what sort of a day it was going to be. If she was sat up and said good morning, I knew I was okay. But when she was having an episode or she wouldn't answer me, I knew it might be bad... The worst days were when she was having an episode of paranoia. He would be so angry. It was hard caring for her; he would become so violent." Reid laughed again and Morgan took a shuddering breath in. "CPS came round once. I don't know why. My Dad was so angry, he was sure I had told someone. He beat me until I couldn't stay conscious and then he had sex with me. I had to stay off school for the rest of the week so no one could see what he'd done. My mom was in the hospital going through a change of medication to deal with her psychosis, so she had no idea. After that, I knew I could never tell anyone. He told me they would take my mom away from me and I'd be left all alone. I was 7 and at that point anything seemed better than being all alone."
"God, Reid, I'm so sorry." Morgan tightened his grasp around his shoulders and pulled him closer.
Reid seemed to be lost in his memories. All of his pain was flooding out like he couldn't stop it. Now the floodgates had opened, there was no taking it back. It just kept coming. Morgan just let him talk.
"After that, it was like he knew he'd got away with it. So, he did it more often. But he'd beat me in places it could be hidden. "
"And your mom never saw?" Morgan sounded shocked.
"Morgan, I was 7. She didn't see me undressed."
Morgan's brows furrowed. "Didn't she ever help you get ready for school or bathe you?"
Reid finally lifted his head and looked at Morgan like he was strange. "I was 7 years old." He reiterated. "I'd been cooking, cleaning and getting myself ready for school since I was 4." Reid clearly didn't seem to think there was anything abnormal about that. Morgan sucked a breath in through his teeth. There was nothing 'normal' about any of it, but he felt it safest to just deal with the stuff Reid actually recognised as abnormal for now.
"Okay." He said gently, not correcting him.
Reid dipped his head back down, cringing again. "It got worse from there. As I got older, he liked to... to see me... tied up. "He whispered. Morgan gasped a little, unable to help it. "He said I wriggled too much or that I wasn't doing it right. I wasn't doing anything different. I think he just liked it." He pulled at his hair again. "No, I know he liked it." Morgan used his free hand to prize Reid's fingers from his hair, nervous that he would pull it out. Reid's fingers interlaced with his. Both hands were now latched together with his tightly. Morgan could feel Reid's palms sweating. "I used to wake up and I couldn't move. He'd tied me up while I asleep and started without me. That was always when he was drunk... those were always the worst times..." He trailed off. Wherever his head went, his voice wasn't following.
Morgan squeezed Reid's hand as he saw his eyes go distant. Suddenly his reactions made complete sense. He wished he'd known. So much distress could have been avoided. He looked down at Reid, his eyes had a faraway look in them. Squeezing his hand gently, he shook it.
"Stay with me, baby." Reid jumped a little, his mind pulling away from whatever memory he was lost in. Morgan placed a kiss into his hair. He felt Reid shudder as more tears broke out from his eyes. "I'm so proud of you for sharing."
Reid shook his head and buried his face into Morgan's stomach. It broke Morgan's heart. He could just imagine Reid as a child, desperately needing some comfort like this and having nowhere to turn.
"Morgan?" Reid muttered.
"Yeah, baby?"
"Did- did Buford ever..." He trailed off. Morgan's body tensed a little at the mention of his abuser.
"Did he... what, Reid?" Reid whispered something so quietly, Morgan couldn't hear it. "I didn't catch that." Morgan said softly, nuzzling his face into the top of Reid's head.
"Share you." Reid whispered again but a little louder this time.
"Share me?" Morgan's brows furrowed. He didn't like where this was going.
"Yeah, like with others."
A lump developed in Morgan's throat. "No, no he didn't... did you dad share you?" He could feel anger building up in his chest. Reid took a shaking breath in and nodded.
"He said they were friends. But my dad didn't have many friends. I – I would wake up and find them in the room with me. And my dad would watch. He'd- He'd tape it sometimes." Reid began to shake. Tears were streaming down Morgan's face now, his breath catching in his throat. "I begged him to not let them touch me. But he would say my crying made my mom ill and she would be taken away. So, I had to stop. I had to be a 'good boy' or his 'friend' wouldn't be happy... it didn't matter if they were happy. They'd still hurt me. They were even worse than my dad. His only rule was 'don't hit him in the face'." Reid laughed. "Everything else was fair game."
"Oh my god, Reid." Morgan said in shock. He couldn't help it.
"That went on until he left. 12 times. I remember every time like it was yesterday." Reid sobbed now.
The curse of an eidetic memory. Morgan thought sadly.
"The stupid thing is, when he left, I missed him." Reid laughed through his sobs. "I actually missed him. I thought I'd done something to drive him away. I hadn't been good enough, or he'd lost interest in me. I used to think, if he only came back, I would do everything he wanted me to do and I wouldn't fight it or complain. I almost used to miss him coming into my room at night." Reid shook his head. "God, I'm so disgusting."
Morgan's heart clenched. "No, baby. No, you're not. There is nothing disgusting about you."
Reid broke down into harsh sobs as every memory from his childhood washed over him. Morgan untangled his hands from Reid's and wrapped him tightly in a hug. One arm around his shoulders, the other wrapped around his head protectively. Reid brought his hands to his face, hiding himself as he cried. And Morgan cried with him. He was devastated to think that Reid had hidden this for all these years. He'd never had anyone to look out for him or protect him. At least when Buford was doing what he did, he'd had a loving family to return home to. Even if they didn't know what was happening, he still had hugs, warm meals and a decent support network around him. Reid had no one. The very person who was supposed to protect him was the one terrorising him, and seemingly selling him so others could do it too. And then after everything his dad had done to him, he abandoned the family. Leaving a 10-year-old to take care of his seriously ill and unstable mother. A 10-year-old who went on to be severely bullied and victimised for many years after. Reid's life sounded like hell. And he kicked himself once again for never having seen it in him.
After a few minutes Reid's sobs started to calm down again, dissipating into little hiccups. He pushed himself away from Morgan and sat up, breaking the contact between them. His eyes were puffy and red from crying. Morgan wanted nothing more than to wrap him up again and hug him for the rest of his life.
"This is why we can't be together." Reid said sadly, dropping his head down. Morgan frowned. "No one should have to deal with this."
Morgan looked at him seriously. "But what if I want to?"
Reid smiled and shook his head. "I can't give you what you need. You deserve so much more than this."
"But Reid, I want you. None of this changes anything."
"You don't know what you're saying. You don't know the things I've done." He shuddered. "I'm filth. You deserve someone who doesn't have all these issues and can give you a happy relationship." Reid now looked at him, a tear running down his cheek. "You deserve the world, and I can't give you that."
"Reid, you are the world to me." He put a hand to his cheek. "You're my world. You have no idea how much you mean to me."
Reid dropped his gaze again. "That's nice, but you don't know what you're dealing with."
"And do you feel like that about me? That I'm disgusting, filthy and too much to deal with?"
Reid's eyes opened wide and looked at Morgan worriedly. "No, god no, never."
"Well, why not? After what Buford did to me, aren't I equally as damaged? As unlovable?"
Reid understood where he was going with this. He turned away again. "It's different." He said quietly.
"How so?" Morgan asked with furrowed brows.
Reid cringed again and put his hand over his eyes.
"You didn't encourage it. Oh god, this is so disgusting." He said, clearly forcing himself to say something he didn't want to say. "If he didn't come into my room for a few days, I used to feel unloved. I would actually seek him out and sit on his knee and let him touch me." His hands went into his hair again. "It used to feel good." He whispered.
Morgan once again took Reid's hands, removing them from his hair. "I used to do the same." Morgan said softly.
Reid's mouth dropped open. "You did?"
Now it was Morgan's turn to hide himself. He pulled his gaze away from Reid's and dropped it to the floor.
"He used to take me to a cabin as a reward for doing well after a game. It was fun. He would let me drink. It made me feel grown. He was the only person in my life who treated me like an adult. Then he started molesting me. Like you, I didn't know what was happening. I was confused. But he assured me that it was his way of showing me how much I meant to him. How proud he was of me. So, if he didn't take me to that cabin, I used to feel like I'd done something wrong. And if he took another boy, I'd get so jealous." Morgan scoffed a little. "It was sick... and wrong. But I was a kid. I didn't know any better. I just saw a man who I respected, who I craved approval from, not paying attention to me. And it didn't matter what kind of attention it was. I needed it. Because I was a kid." He looked back at Reid now, he was looking at him sadly, with those big, innocent doe eyes that he loved so much. "That's what they do, Reid. They manipulate you into thinking it's normal, that it's a good thing. Even if it hurts and you hate it, there's still that little voice in the back of your head that says it means they care about you."
"I feel so stupid." Reid said quietly.
"You and me both." Morgan smiled a little, his heart warmed as he earned a small quirk of the lips from Reid. Morgan's thoughts drifted to when he met Reid's father and his irritation with how the kid had been practically obsessed with his father being responsible. Guilt gnawed at him.
"You're just determined to nail him, aren't you?"
Morgan internally winced.
"I'm sorry, kid." He said sadly.
Reid's eyes landed on him curiously. "Why?" He asked so innocently it made Morgan's heart twist.
"Riley Jenkins. I thought you were angry because he left. Believe me, if I'd known, I never would have said what I said to you."
Reid grabbed Morgan's hand. "I didn't want you to know. I didn't want anyone to know. Seeing him after all that time was hard enough."
Morgan nodded. He could understand that one. Seeing Buford all those years later was hell. But he at least had the comfort of knowing the man was now in prison and paying for his crimes. It hadn't been easy, but it had been an essential part of his recovery.
"Do you not want to make him pay?"
Reid laughed. "What? With all the evidence I don't have? Take him to court and watch him deny it whilst his lawyer friends rip me to shreds on the stand? No, thank you."
"I did it. I testified." Morgan squeezed his hand. "I would be there with you the whole way."
"There were multiple accusers, Morgan. And three murders. Buford was bang to rights before he even set foot in the courtroom." Morgan looked a little hurt and Reid backtracked. "I'm not saying it made it easy. I- I just- this is only me; you know? And then there's my mom." Reid's voice broke. "She can never know what he did."
Morgan frowned. "Is that why you apologised to him?"
Reid laughed a little. "Well, I was wrong, wasn't I? The only thing I could do was apologise."
"Not to him, Reid. Never to him."
"What else could I do? My mom was sitting right there. She was off her meds. I couldn't very well say 'hey dad, I know I was wrong but it's hardly surprising that I thought that when you raped me for years', could I?" Reid's voice was angry now. "It would have killed her. And I can't be responsible for that."
Morgan could almost see the metaphorical weight Reid had been carrying for all these years. He'd been forced to grow up far too soon. When he should have been taken care of and supported, he was the one doing the supporting. Even when his father was abusing him so horrifically, he'd no doubt been his mom's only real support system. And still, he carried that burden. Seemingly without resentment. He didn't know how he managed it. Morgan knew if he were in the same boat, the anger would have consumed him.
Seeing the concern and anger in Morgan's face, guilt washed over Reid. "I'm so sorry I've unloaded all of this onto you. I would be really grateful if you could just forget I ever said it. I don't expect you to support me or feel sorry for me. I don't expect anything from you. I just want things to go back to normal. For us to be friends like we always have been."
Morgan furrowed his brows and he stared at Reid seriously for a few moments. "Well, there's a slight problem with that."
Reid looked worried; his breath caught in his chest. "Why?"
"Because I'm in love with you." Reid's mouth dropped open and he stared at Morgan dumbfounded. Morgan smiled, putting a finger to his chin and closing his mouth. "I love you." He said again, making sure it actually sank in.
Reid shook his head. "Don't say things you don't mean just to make me feel better."
Morgan put his hand to Reid's cheek. "I mean it, kid. I am so hopelessly in love with you."
Reid's breathing hitched as tears flooded his eyes. This was all he'd dreamed of for the last few months. But it wasn't real. Morgan was feeling bad. He was doing this make him feel less damaged, less unwanted. It wasn't genuine.
"No. No you don't." Reid whispered.
Morgan nodded. "I do. To me, you are perfect. I love everything about you. Your little ramblings when you find something interesting." He stroked his lips. "The way you bite your lip when you're thinking." He took his face into his hands and kissed his eyes. "Your beautiful, soulful eyes." Then he kissed his forehead. "That big, incredible brain of yours that knows everything except how amazing you are." Reid's eyes were staring at him softly now, glistening with unshed tears. Morgan shivered. Reid truly had him raptured. "You are everything to me. And all I want is a chance to make you happy."
Reid's eyes closed and a tear ran down his cheek. "Even after everything I've just told you. How can you even-"
"It changes nothing. In fact, it just makes me love you even more... You've been so strong for so many years, Spencer. Now please, let me love you and take care of you. Please give me that chance."
Reid shivered. When his eyes opened, Morgan's expression took his breath away. There was such love emanating from those deep brown eyes. No one had ever looked at him like that before. Like he was everything. Like he was his whole world.
Reid's shaking hand came up to touch Morgan's face. He stroked his eyes and ran his fingers down his cheek. He was so beautiful. He couldn't believe that Morgan felt the same way. It felt so unreal. He had to touch him to make sure this wasn't a dream.
"I love you too." Reid said shakily. Morgan sucked a deep breath in, not expecting to hear the words back. Tears flowed from his eyes and a choked sob escaped his lips. He pulled Reid into a back breaking hug and Reid's arms wrapped around him in response. "I love you too." Reid said again more confidently this time, enjoying how the words sounded as they left his mouth. They both cried in each other's arms. But this time they were tears of complete relief and happiness. The feelings they had both kept hidden for so long were finally allowed to come to the surface as they held onto each other tightly.
Morgan was the first to break the hug, taking Reid's face into his hands. "Can I kiss you?" He asked gently. Reid bit his lip in anticipation, making Morgan smile. He gave a small nod. Morgan moved slowly, wanting to savour the moment forever. He brushed his lips up against Reid's. "I love you." He whispered against his lips for good measure. Just in case Reid hadn't quite got the message yet. Reid's lips parted and he brushed his bottom lip against Morgan's, inviting him in. Morgan pressed their lips together and they kissed chastely, enjoying the feel of each other's lips as they touched gently.
Morgan stroked Reid's cheek and brushed his hand through his hair as he kissed him. Reid pulled away suddenly, doubt marring his features. Morgan frowned a little.
"What if I can't give you what you need?" His head dropped down in shame. Morgan lifted his chin with his hand.
"What I need, is you. Only you. Everything else, we will figure out. Together. We go at your pace. You are what is important to me. Nothing else." Reid closed his eyes. "Do you hear me?" Morgan said firmly. Reid nodded. Morgan wasn't convinced. He took his jaw into his hand now and spoke more carefully. "Do you hear me?"
Reid's eyes fluttered open and he met with Morgan's firm gaze. "I hear you." He whispered.
"Good." Morgan kissed him again. "Because now I've got you, I'm never letting you go. I'm going to make you so happy for the rest of your life." Reid broke into his first genuine smile and he laughed. The sight warmed Morgan's heart. "God, that's my favourite smile." He said softly, pulling Reid into a passionate kiss. Their tongues met and Reid's body tingled as he kissed the man he loved, finally safe in the knowledge that he loved him back. Despite everything.
Morgan pushed him back into the corner of the couch and Reid let him, wrapping his arms around his waist. This kiss felt better than any they had shared before. It was perfect.
"Derek?" Reid said gently and shyly. Morgan pulled back, looking at his young lover curiously. "Will you kiss my neck again?" Morgan grinned, his perfect white teeth flashing brightly.
"What? Like this?" He breathed down the side of Reid's neck and kissed him gently in the juncture of his shoulder and his neck. He felt Reid's whole body shiver. "Or like this?" He grabbed Reid's hair, tugging his head back and passionately kissed and licked at his neck causing Reid to gasp and moan.
"Ah! Like that." Reid choked out with a smile. Morgan pulled his lips away, breathing down his neck and up to his ear. "Now you're just teasing me." Reid said with a shiver of anticipation.
"Oh baby, you have no idea how much I'm gonna tease you." He breathed into his ear and licked, causing Reid to moan again. He was melting into the corner of the couch under Morgan's complete control. He kissed and teased and licked his neck until Reid was practically a doll underneath him. His eyes were closed and he panted heavily, his body shuddering with every touch and breath. Then Morgan pulled away. "You hungry?" He said casually. Reid opened his eyes in surprise. Morgan sat back now, behaving as if nothing had even happened, a small smile playing on his lips. It took Reid a few moments to regain composure.
"H-hungry?" Reid stuttered, his brain still trying to catch up from the world of pleasure he had just been in.
"Yeah, lets order in. My treat." Morgan turned to look at Reid, smiling at how flushed his complexion was and the plumpness of his pouting lips as he looked at him slightly bereft. Morgan took great pride in his self-control. It made things so much more fun. Reid was lost for words.
"Um, yeah." He said, his mouth dropping open as he tried to catch his breath. Morgan looked at him with a knowing smile, quirking his eyebrow a little.
Reid's eyes flashed in realisation. "Man, you are a tease." He said with a nervous laugh.
"You'll learn, baby. You'll learn." He ran a gentle finger up Reid's neck, causing him to whimper. He grabbed him gently by the hair, tilting his head back and breathing on him again. "Now, we're going to eat something and then I'm going to see..." He kissed his neck again. "Just how many times..." Then breathed into his ear. "I can make..." He kissed his lips fleetingly, Reid's tried to follow him, but Morgan broke the kiss quickly. "You whimper." He pushed his face into the juncture of Reid's neck again and smiled against it, teasingly pulling himself away as Reid's body shook beneath him.
"Cruel. That's just cruel." Reid said with a gasp and a small smile.
Morgan gave a self-satisfied smirk and pulled out his phone. "Pizza?"
Reid moved forward, pulling Morgan's face towards him. "I really don't care right now. I'll starve." He crashed his lips up against Morgan's. It was the most confident move he had seen him make and Morgan loved it. Now he knew exactly how to work Reid up.
Morgan pulled away again, smiling at Reid's desperate attempts to continue the kiss. "Food." He said firmly, laughing as Reid practically groaned and pouted. "God, I love you so much." Morgan said with a smile and a laugh. He pulled Reid into his chest to cuddle him then kissed him on the top of the head. "Everything is going to be just fine, baby. I promise."
Reid tucked his head into Morgan's chest and he nodded, grabbing on to his t-shirt tightly. "I know." He whispered with a smile.
And for the first time, he genuinely believed it.