Day 19: "Heart in Throat"
Whumptober 2024 Prompt: Panic Attack
Megumi could feel it starting—the tightness in his chest, the creeping sense of dread that coiled around his lungs and squeezed, making it impossible to breathe. His heart raced, each beat echoing in his ears like a war drum, too fast, too loud. His hands trembled as he tried to steady them, clenching them into fists, but it didn't help. Nothing ever helped when it got this bad.
He was sitting in the corner of the training room, knees pulled up to his chest, trying to keep himself grounded, trying to focus on anything but the rising tide of panic threatening to swallow him whole.
Breathe. He needed to breathe.
But his breaths came in short, shallow gasps, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get enough air. His throat felt tight, like he was being strangled from the inside. His vision blurred at the edges, and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead.
He was spiraling, and he didn't know how to stop it.
The door creaked open, and a familiar voice filled the room. "Megumi?"
Yuji.
Megumi's chest tightened further, panic spiking as he realized Yuji was there, seeing him like this—seeing him at his weakest, his most vulnerable. He didn't want Yuji to see him falling apart. He didn't want Yuji to worry.
But it was too late.
Yuji rushed to his side, dropping to his knees in front of him. "Megumi, hey, what's wrong?" His voice was soft, filled with concern, but Megumi couldn't focus on the words. All he could focus on was the pounding in his chest, the feeling of being trapped in his own body.
"Can't… breathe…" Megumi gasped, his hands shaking uncontrollably as he clutched at the fabric of his shirt, desperate to ground himself in anything solid.
Yuji's eyes widened, and he quickly reached out, gently grabbing Megumi's hands and holding them in his own. "Hey, look at me," Yuji said, his tone steady and calming. "Focus on me, okay? Just focus on my voice."
Megumi's eyes fluttered open, and he forced himself to meet Yuji's gaze. Yuji's expression was full of worry, but his touch was steady, grounding. He squeezed Megumi's hands, his grip firm but gentle.
"You're having a panic attack," Yuji said softly, his thumbs brushing soothingly over the back of Megumi's hands. "But it's okay. You're going to be okay. I'm right here with you."
Megumi nodded, but the tightness in his chest didn't ease. His breathing was still shallow, his heart still racing, but Yuji's presence—his warmth, his voice—was starting to cut through the fog of panic.
"Try to breathe with me," Yuji said, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, exaggerating the motion so Megumi could follow along. "In… and out. Just like that. You can do this."
Megumi tried to match Yuji's breathing, but his breaths were shaky, uneven. His lungs burned with the effort, but Yuji stayed with him, patiently guiding him through it, never letting go of his hands.
"In… and out," Yuji repeated, his voice a steady anchor in the storm of Megumi's mind.
Slowly, painfully slowly, Megumi's breathing began to even out. His heart was still racing, but the overwhelming sense of suffocation was starting to fade. The room stopped spinning, and the tightness in his chest loosened just a fraction.
Yuji kept his gaze on Megumi the whole time, his hands never leaving his. He didn't push for answers, didn't ask Megumi to explain what had triggered the attack. He just stayed there, solid and steady, giving Megumi the space he needed to pull himself back together.
After what felt like an eternity, Megumi's breathing finally steadied, and the panic receded enough for him to speak.
"Sorry…" Megumi muttered, his voice hoarse, barely above a whisper.
"Don't apologize," Yuji said firmly, shaking his head. "You don't have to apologize for this."
Megumi let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the wall. He was exhausted, every muscle in his body aching from the strain of the panic attack. But Yuji was still there, holding his hands, keeping him grounded.
"Thank you," Megumi whispered, his voice so quiet it was almost lost in the silence of the room.
Yuji smiled softly, giving his hands another reassuring squeeze. "You don't have to thank me either. I'm your boyfriend, Megumi. I'm here for you. Always."
Megumi opened his eyes and looked at Yuji, feeling a warmth in his chest that had nothing to do with the panic and everything to do with the boy sitting in front of him. Yuji had always been there for him, always so open, so kind. It was one of the things Megumi loved most about him—how easy it was to be with Yuji, even in his darkest moments.
"I don't deserve you," Megumi said, his voice barely a breath.
Yuji frowned, his grip tightening slightly. "Hey, none of that. You deserve to be cared for, Megumi. You deserve to have someone here for you when things get hard. Don't ever think otherwise."
Megumi felt a lump form in his throat, but this time it wasn't from panic—it was from the overwhelming emotion that filled him as he looked at Yuji. He didn't know how to put it into words, how to tell Yuji just how much he meant to him.
But Yuji didn't need words.
He shifted closer, pulling Megumi into his arms and holding him tightly. "You're not alone," Yuji whispered against his hair, his voice steady and sure. "Not now, not ever. I'm here, Megumi."
Megumi let himself relax into Yuji's embrace, his hands clutching at the fabric of Yuji's shirt as if he were afraid to let go. But he wasn't afraid—not anymore. Not with Yuji here, holding him, reminding him that he didn't have to face everything alone.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, Megumi allowed himself to believe it.