14- Starting over… chapter fourteen

Allie and Cabe stayed for a pleasant evening. Allie asked the details of the components he designed to get the patent awards.

"Didn't you say you traded a patent design for the Ferrari?" Sarah asked. "So had you not made that deal you would have gotten FOUR patent awards?

"Could have gotten five but I gave the first redesign to Richard when I was cleaning old files out of my computer." Walter said. "That the designs are valid and used is what counts, getting recognition or money is no big deal. Most anything can be redesigned to improve efficiency. Two engineers each got patents on an air and water recirculation and cleaning systems I designed for the space personnel capsule they are redesigning for commercial usage. Same principle but more robust- people will be able to use for off grid camping and the like. Possibly even for third world where sanitation is limited."

"Amazing how much engineering dedicated to the space endeavor turns out to make so very many improvements for those who will never get into space," Allie said.

"Yeah, like Tang," Cabe piped up.

"What?"

"Tang. The orange drink made for astronauts." Cabe explained. "Pretty crappy stuff, but everyone had to have some back in the space race days. Orange powder just add water and =poof= orange drink."

"I was thinking more along the lines of computers and rocket propulsion." Allie said. "Hard to believe we got to the moon led by scientists and engineers using slide rules and the smart phones of today have more powerful computers."

"Yeah, I thought we would be living on the moon long before now, maybe even Mars as fast as we went from getting pissed with the Russian Sputnik beeping from space to walking on the moon," Cabe said. "Our government and scientists have certainly let us down."

"Fortunately the private sector has picked up the pace. And they are not doing things by lowest bid contractors," Walter said. "When the time comes Richard makes the actual launch for the moon it will be state of the art and not haphazard, hit or miss."

"And you, Walter, will have helped in that endeavor. Would you live on the moon if it were possible?" Allie asked.

"Possibly. I can stay within the confines of the garage for extended periods of time so could possibly live in what would basically be a very large container. Like bugs in a jar." He smirked, "but then again, maybe not, like to go out driving too much when the mood strikes. Could be just the thing for people with some medical conditions, gravity reduction. There is as yet not enough known on what prolonged space exposure would do- bone, muscle mass, so may issues not as yet able to be fully explored until the time comes."

"Well, I like my feet on good ol' Terra Firma," Cabe said. "You about ready? Traffic should be no problem, now. You guys have a good evening. And Walter, make sure you finish up the chow- no days without eating over some design issue… right?"

"Cabe, have not even been confronted with anything needing rabbit hole focus in a long time," Walter said getting up. "Allie, guess it is time I get a big stick to keep handy when Cabe comes around and starts carping on my lifestyle."

"Come on Walter, he is just looking out for your better health and welfare." Allie said with a smile. "I want to see some pictures of you decked out at the gala or I will see about Cabe making you don that suit so I can take some pictures. Have a good night."

Walking Allie and Cabe to the door to lock up after they leave, he returned to sit with Sarah.

"Guess we will clean up the MG tomorrow?" Sarah questioned. "What is rabbit hole focus?"

"An affliction that sets in when there is a problem, design, whatever that causes total focus to the exclusion of all else including sleep, food, drink, everything but the mental activity to get the job done, the solution found… can leave one is a serious health state, but once the solution is found, one does recover in time." Walter explained. "Cabe has seen the results, but that was a long time ago. The coding at times kinda' sets it in, but after three days, five at most I come up for air, rehydrate, eat, and sleep for a day. Like the three days it took to hack for your award. A little rabbit hole."

"Let's get the leftovers stowed and clean up, then I have some plans for you." Sarah said "Upstairs fridge or office fridge for the leftovers?"

"Depends on what your plans are and how much energy needs to be expended to act on those plans…. to meet your expectations." Walter said gathering up plates and utensils taking them to put in the office dishwasher that at last was full enough to run.

"Upstairs fridge it is, then," Sarah snickered while she closed up containers to put in the bag to take to the loft kitchen. "I will see you up there shortly, right?"

"What you have in mind?" Walter asked while wiping the table top and putting trash in a bag. "Some computer work in the den, maybe read, have some good music…. play chess?"

"In case you don't recall, you gave me…. how did you put it… 'something to look forward to', I think it was." Sarah said with a smile. "You need to show me you really aren't hard-hearted to tease like that," she said taking the bag of leftovers and heading for the stairs.

"You go ahead and get started while I close up," Walter said. He then took the trash out to the dumpster in the alley, went into the office kitchen, set up the coffee, started the dishwasher, shut off lights, set the security and went up the stairs.

Getting into the bedroom he discovered Sarah undressing to hop into bed. "You going to join me?"

"Not sure, to be honest. You did say once the place was closed up who would last longest before exhaustion set in." Walter said sitting on the side of the bed. "Think you have yourself at a disadvantage, me dressed, you naked," he said positioning between her legs and towering over her leaning down to kiss her deeply, kissing her neck then down to suckle one then the other and kiss on down to her center where one hand was already gently pleasuring. When he moved down to spread her open for his tongue she was already bucking for entry. He could feel her pulsing so went to her breasts again while she settled from the climax.

"Gods, Walter," she panted.

"Again?" he whispered in her ear, "tell me what you want, how I can satisfy you."

"I want you, Walter, I want to feel you, all of you." So he rose and shed his clothes and joined her. "Leave the light on," she said, "I like looking at you."

He laid back so she straddled his hips and took him in fully with a sigh, he put his hands on her hips to keep her moving slow. She slowly moved her hips until she had the right angle then had to quicken the pace while he laid back watching her until, once again, with a sheen of perspiration coating her body climaxed with a moan to collapse on his chest. Giving her time to recover, he waited. When she laid next to him breathing in gasps, he positioned himself over her and slowly entered and halted. She wrapped her arms around him to pull herself up his chest, "please, please….. I want you." He thrust and found the right speed to keep her whimpering until he once again felt her climax her legs around his hips. He found her mouth to kiss her passionately thrusting faster until he spilled into her his whole body tensing, to then relax in the release.

He laid next to her, pulled the blankets over them and both fell asleep- the sleep of exhaustion and being fully sated.

At noon, Sarah woke first to lay looking at him as he slept. In time his eyes opened and he stared at her with that dark gaze.

"I don't know," he said. "Think it might be a tie with who was exhausted first. Matter of fact, think I could sleep more…. but I am sure hungry. Don't know what to do- sleep or go eat, so guess just lay here. Good thing it is Sunday so don't really have to do anything."

"Just laying around seems the thing to do on a Sunday." Sarah sighed. "Didn't you enjoy that gala? Most people look forward to such a party- getting the chance to rub shoulders with those you work with. Fun to see some boss get a bit tipsy, some plain Jane co-worker waltz in on the arm of an Adonis, or the at work ladies man hen pecked and kept on a short leash by a wife."

"No, did not enjoy it at all. I don't do the socializing- I much prefer to get the job done, not judge a person's wife, date or how they are in their private life." Walter said glancing at her. "Would not have gone at all except Gina said she HAD to have an escort and already had a dress to attend, and the business HAD to be represented and she could not do it alone."

"Yes, you are the business, so do need to get out there and socialize." Sarah said seriously.

"As I have already said, isn't the good programming enough? THAT is all anyone making the decision on whether to use my product or not should care about. How I shake hands, how big the smile, how well dressed SHOULD be immaterial."

"Walter, you are doing business with people. Have any idea how costly advertising is? And what is that? Trying to push people into buying one product over another even though they are both the same."

"As long as there are hackers, there will be businesses needing secure programs. As long as my programs keep them secure from being hacked, I will stay in business. Add to that my designs as a side source of income as well as keeping me busy- always a good thing, the business will do well."

"Walter, will you ever take me dancing? Will we ever attend a party? Will we ever go to a concert?"

"Probably not going to happen, sorry." Walter said turning to her. "When you pick some guy up off the street, don't be surprised he is rather lacking in what interests you."

"You are a strange man. There is more to life than work and sex….. you approach sex like you do work. While I certainly appreciate you taking care of my needs, it is like you are ensuring you got your job done well. The attitude you have I have never experienced before."

"You are unhappy that I make sure you are satisfied- more than once?" Walter said sitting up. 'Gods, what do you women want?"

"What you mean?" Sarah also sat up putting her hand on his shoulder. "While I have been completely satisfied, I know you watch to ensure I am, Walter, you are distant even in the middle of intimacy, like it is a methodology followed to attain the wanted result- fully calculated."

Walter got up to go to the kitchen, "want some water?"

"Sure."

Getting a couple bottles of water from the fridge, he went back into the bedroom, tossed one to her then leaned against the dresser. "I do not understand what it is you are looking for, what you want. Explain it to me."

"Connection, Walter. Do you understand the concept?"

He leveled his dark eyed gaze at her, took a drink. "Of course I understand the concept of connection… just not when it comes to people. If you recall, I told you a number of times to not get involved… it will not end well." He lowered his eyes, took another drink, raised his eyes to her, "so just another frog in the long line of frogs, I take it?" He stood up, turned, pulled a drawer open to get clean boxers and went into the bathroom to shower.

Listening to the water, Sarah laid back wondering why she went this route talking with him like this- trying to understand her own motivation. He got it- don't get involved, but looks like I am and he is right, it won't end well. Frog, indeed….. such an interesting one…. but a frog none the less. Gods, I'm gonna' miss him, though, but this isn't what I need and never will be and the gods only know what he needs, but whatever it is I don't have it. What was it he said… reverting to robot mode. This probably won't improve his state but he appears to have been in this state for a long, long time. She heard the water shut off so got up, gathered her now dry clothes and went into the bathroom to shower. Walter was standing at the sink looking in the mirror and she looked at his reflection.

"I am sorry, Walter that I can't get that connection from you. Wish I did, but I do not have what you need."

"Don't worry about it, distance is expected, really," he said looking at her reflection. "Take your shower and let's go get something to eat."

Sarah drove her MGB, Walter drove the Ferrari to Kovelski's. "We never did get a coat of wax on the MG," Walter said. They ate their burgers without conversation. Walter took the tab when finished, got up, leaned over to give her a kiss. "Hope you find that prince," he said, went to the register, paid and left taking the Ferrari far into the dry, brown hills outside the city returning well into the wee small hours of the night, pulled into the garage, closed up, set security and went up the stairs to the loft. Glancing at the picture of Megan he said, "another failure," continued on into the bedroom to strip and climb in under the blankets to stare at the ceiling, finally dozed off, to deeply sleep the rest of the night.

Monday morning Walter woke and laid in bed thinking back on the conversation the previous evening with Sarah. Connection, she said. Thought I had connection with Paige, obviously was wrong or I did but she didn't. Paige said I never satisfied her, so I made sure Sarah was and still was a failure. He smiled, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, she said. An experiment she said, but there comes a time when the experiment is obviously to no avail, leads to no viable conclusion or nothing usable for further research to reach a usable end result. Gods, it is a pointless exercise.

He got up, got dressed and went to the den glancing at Megan's picture before sitting down. Powered up the desktop unit and opened the laptop at the corner of the desk to check mail. Checking the list of new mail most were from data center managers reporting on the installed security systems. Seventh in line was an unknown source so he checked it over and opened to see it was from Ralph-

Walter- Why didn't you dance with mom? Knowing you would be there, she was excited all week and spent a lot of time getting ready. She had not been so excited about anything since the blow-up. She really wanted to spend time with you but came home early and cried in her room most of the night. Didn't you have to redesign your booster- design was good, but you tried to improve it, gave it a second chance with some changes? Isn't mom deserving a second chance like the booster deserved another look? I am not real good with the people issues, but I see mom every day. Ralph

Walter sat back. Once again it is HIM making the wrong decision. HIS fault she is unhappy. HE has to change. HE has to ignore all the things said that calamitous night. He hit reply:

Ralph- You were not there that night, you did not hear the things said ABOUT me- immature, too much work to be around, that I am not a man. My love was not enough, she said I am INCAPABLE of meeting her needs. THEY all left ME. THEY all drove me out of business almost into homelessness- that takes a lot of pure hatred that I still cannot come to terms with. Flo and the lecture was a catalyst, an incident of no consequence, but obviously was used to distance themselves after all the years of working together. You are writing that I made a wrong decision- I was not given a chance to make a decision- they made it for me. All I could do was react, and while their decision led them to failure and unhappiness, my reaction led me to reforming my business that is just ME, I have no one; they have each other. They have the means now to be employed by Elias- Richard even asked me if I had a problem about him hiring them- I told them they would be of benefit to his enterprise as they all are exceptional. I have NEVER said anything but good about any of them, rescinded my proposals to not compete with them. I do not know what more I can do, but you ask too much of me. Yes, I still do and always will love your mother, but I am not capable of making her happy. Why do again what may totally destroy me when it blows up a second time? Self-preservation at this point is all I cling to. I love you like a son, please do not ask me to destroy myself. Walter

Walter rose and went down to the office kitchen. Gina was in and had started coffee so he got a cup from the cabinet and poured some, took a sip and opened the dishwasher to put things away, wiped down the counter. Took his cup and walked into the office.

"Good morning, Gina. Have a pleasant weekend after the gala?"

"Yes, a lovely time. A lot of dancing with Jake- that always makes for a lovely evening." Gina said smiling. "We looked for you but never did see you so figured you ditched and went home. I probably should have foregone the dancing and stayed with you- sorry."

Walter smiled, "you are not my keeper, Gina. You and Jake make a nice couple on the dance floor. Nice to see people enjoying themselves like you were."

"Nice to see, but not nice enough to join in?" Gina said. "You were being eyed and admired by a number of women there, you know. You could have had any number of dance partners…. if you had hung around. You really did look handsome, you ARE handsome, should be a bit more outgoing. Even some of the women were scientists, designers and engineers so probably could keep up a decent conversation with you."

"Gina, you are office manager, not match-maker."

Gina laughed, "I am not trying to be a match-maker. I am merely letting you know you have generated interest in the ranks of single females of Elias Enterprises. You seem to go everywhere totally oblivious to how people, especially women, react to you."

"Think it is time for a new subject." Walter said. "Any new business prospects? Anymore data centers to work? I got follow-up reports from the data centers done and all is well."

"Thanks for reminding me, you have the patent awards and the plaque about the data centers?" Gina asked. "I plan on hanging them up in here, just have not decided where as yet. On the wall across from the sofa for customers to see while waiting, or behind me on the shelves for customers to see while talking with me. Which do you think would be more effective?"

"Let me go get them," Walter said getting up. "There is plenty of wall space for them in the bathroom, you know," he said going through the swinging doors into the kitchen. Bringing them back into the office he handed them to Gina, picked up his coffee, "Going to do some research in the den, laptop is open if you need anything."