01: Hitagi Senjougahara – Bad Romance [I]
"Do you think something is going on between Hikigaya and Senjougahara?"
"Why do you care Araragi?"
"Well Kyon, believe it or not I used to date Senjougahara back in the day."
"I find that really hard to believe."
"What? Why?"
"Well, Senjougahara doesn't seem like your type. And by that I mean she isn't a prepubescent girl."
Despite what the rumour mill in town would like you to believe the two of them were not actually dating. Hachiman Hikigaya didn't do relationships and to say Hitagi Senjougahara was a complicated woman would be the understatement of the century. Having said that, it would tantamount to one of the biggest lie ever told, if anybody tried to deny the fact that these two complex and interesting young people shared a unique bond between themselves, which others often misunderstood and tried to categorize in more easily explainable terms and phrases, no matter how wrong or misguided their attempts may be.
"So, a little bird told me you and Hikigaya-kun are seeing each other."
"Ara, I didn't know your hobbies included bird watching. Tell me, can you identify the bird I'm currently holding up."
"Cute."
"I thought so too."
"You shouldn't be so hostile towards me, you know. I'm just looking out for you. You can blame it on my over protective onii-chan senses acting up. Just so you know, I really am a big brother. I have a younger twin sister. I think you know her. Her name is Kanra. And she has the hots for Hikigaya."
"My sympathies for your sister. But if she tries to go after my man, I will kill her and you for good measure. Now that I think about it I will be doing the entire town a good service."
"My oh my, I think all that power has gone to your head. Oh, does that surprise you? That your so called boyfriend told me about your dirty little secret. I'm training him to take over my business you know. He is my protégé. He tells me everything… All kinds of things."
"…Wipe that disgusting smile off your face, before I do it for you."
"Hahaha! Now that's really funny. Thanks for everything, Senjougahara-san. As always you have been a barrel of laughs. Don't worry, you will be well compensated for your time and information."
"It was not a pleasure doing business with you, Orihara-san."
At times like these she really found herself identifying with the random villain of the week and gave in to the urge to laugh maniacally like a crazy old loon hell bent on carrying out whatever nefarious plot he had hatched to satisfy his own sick and demented psychosis. But she knew better now. Hitagi Senjougahara wasn't crazy like the world would like her to believe. No, she was happy, truly happy for the first time in a long while and as her friends and colleagues would like to point out, it was because of her relationship with the rotten dead fish eyed loner.
"Hikigaya? Really? But he's an ordinary emo prick who sucks more than a black hole. What happened to seducing sexy hot aliens from a galaxy, far, far away?"
"Vegeta is a little short for me."
"He's big where it matters though."
"How do you know?"
"Bitch, who do you think you are talking to? I'm a God!"
"A Goddess, you mean. You gotta be careful with your pronouns, Haruhi. Otherwise you will get cancelled. And that's bad for business."
"Fine. If not an alien then how about you try hooking up with a time traveler? Have your heard of the Forgers. Their little family received two unexpected guests – one from the future and one from a different timeline."
"…Is it Loid Forger?"
"Sadly, no. It's Anya Forger – Huh? Wait, where the hell are you going? Hitagi-san!?"
"I'm leaving. And in case you need a reminder, my ex was the loli-con. Not me!"
"Fine! Have a boring romance with Hikigaya. See if I care. But if he breaks your heart, he will have to answer to me. And by that, I mean I will turn him into a tree frog and have him get eaten by a snake."
"...Can you do that?"
"Bitch, I'm a God."
But they were completely wrong.
"Both of you are made for each other."
"I didn't think you would be jealous, Yukinoshita-san. Did you fancy him too?"
"Hardly."
"I don't believe you. You spend an awful lot of time with him for someone who apparently hates his guts."
"Hikigaya-kun sometimes works for the Ministry. I am the official liaison who acts on the minister's behest and sees to it that his wishes are carried out. As a result, I sometimes make his life difficult. In return, Hikigaya-kun makes it his life's goal to make my life miserable. It's a strictly professional relationship."
"Yet you continue to work with him. I know you can ask someone else to take over the job. You are Minister Lelouch's right hand woman. Tell me, is your relationship with the minister also strictly professional?"
"The minister is in a very happy and committed relationship with Satsuki Kiryuun-san."
"I know. I have seen the news. But you didn't answer my question, Yukinoshita-san."
"I don't deem it necessary to answer such preposterous questions. Now if you will please excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to and I have no time to entertain the crazy delusions of a jealous – OOOF!"
"YOU SHUT YOUR LITTLE WHORE MOUTH!"
"Senjougahara-san -! Please!"
"Hitagi Senjougahara has left the building, I'm afraid. Now, there's only CARNAGE!"
Author's Note: Welcome to 'Sunshine 60 Street.'
The title is a reference to an actual street in Ikebukuro and since this fic takes place in the same universe, I thought it would be nice. Also, the title is a reference to 'Sesame Street', because in this fic, I will explore the characters more and it will focus on the relationships and friendships between Hikigaya and the other denizens of Ikebukuro. If this fic works, I will turn it into its own separate series which will be kinda canon adjacent to the Ikebukuro series. You don't have to read the Ikebukuro series to enjoy this fic though. I will make sure of that. Although, I will kinda reference plot elements from it from time to time.
Now it's time for some polls –
Poll#1: How Is The Relationship Between Hitagi and The Carnage Symbiote.
Option 1: Dysfunctional.
Option 2: Wholesome.
Poll#2: Hitagi Tries To Be A Hero. What Does She Do?
Option 1: She stops a mugging.
Option 2: She stops a gang fight.
Poll#3: Did Hikigaya Keep The Venom Symbiote?
Option 1: Yes.
Option 2: No.
Poll#4: Does Hitagi Fatally Injure Hikigaya?
Option 1: Yes.
Option 2: No.
Poll#5: What Other Characters Do You Want To See Show Up In This Fic?
Option 1: Yor Forger.
Option 2: Mikasa Worst.
Option 3: Frieren.
Option 4: Kaguya Shinomiya.
Option 5: Miyuki Shirogane.
Option 6: Loid Forger.
Option 7: Koyomi Araragi.
Option 8: Kamijou Touma.
Option 9: Female Character From The Reviews.
Option 10: Male Character From The Reviews.
Please pick accordingly.
Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.
Leave lots and lots of reviews, follow and fave.
Won't betray your dreams.