Author's note
I would like to thank all who reviewed the last chapter. If I get 70-80 reviews in a week, by October 19th, the next story to get updated will be Son of the Devil on October 26th, 2024, maybe sooner, and then one of my Gamer stories. Seriously, if I don't start seeing some comments about my stories then I'm not gonna bother. Reviews help get my creative mind flowing and if no ones takes the time and effort to review and give their opinion then I'm not gonna bother either. Authors do this for fun but a lack of reviews on their stories, even if it's criticism, doesn't help them in continuing their stories. I wanna know what you think and what you believe I should do to improve. Longer chapters? Smaller chapters? More character focus? More action? Seriously, it only takes a few seconds out of your life.
Anyway, rant over. Enjoy the chapter! It was updated again as some people weren't getting it due to 503 error.
Chapter 4: No Secrets Left Unspoken
A Few Days After the Meeting
"Okay, Beetlejuice-"
"Call me God's Gift to Women," Beetlejuice smiled at the Princess of Hell as he picked in between his unsightly teeth.
Oh, great. Another Adam, "Beetlejuice. Dad agreed you could stay so long as you help out around the hotel and don't cause trouble."
"Mighty generous of the short stack."
"Okay, see want to avoid making fun of others. Especially when-"
"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice-" Naruto chanted from his spot.
"Alright, alright, I get it!" Beetlejuice conceded, "Jesus. You guys suck the fun and joy out of everything."
"Bee-"
"Shutting up," Beetlejuice literally zipped his mouth shut.
"All right. Let's get down to business. What are your credentials?" Charlie asked him.
"Ooh, wait a minute. I've got a card here somewhere. Uh, nope. Not there. Oh, that's where that was. Oh, crap, forgot to mail this. Expired condom, I'll keep that for later. Hold this for me will you," Beetlejuice fished out a live rat from his pocket.
"Aww, he's cute," Charlie petted the small little critter.
"That's Percy. Careful, twitchy shit's got hellbies," Beetlejuice warned her.
The Hell rat suddenly found itself airborne and out the hotel window.
"Fuck you, biiiiiiiitccccchhhhhh!" the rat was heard screaming.
"This is a horrible, horrible idea," Vaggie couldn't believe this was happening.
"On that my dear Vagatha, I wholeheartedly agree," Alastor told her and the comment only served to worry the former exterminator even further.
"Ah! There you go!" Beetlejuice handed Charlie his card. His green, moldy, old-as-dirt card that gave off a wicked odour and was slimy to the touch.
Despite its appearance, Charlie accepted - reluctantly mind you! - said small piece of parchment, "Thanks...Um, what's a bio-exorcist, exactly?"
"I scare people. Humans. Had a business years ago where dead folks would come to me to scare the people who moved into their place. Those who couldn't move on," he explained.
"Ah," Charlie understood. She didn't like it, but she understood what he meant.
Angel didn't, "Couldn't move on?
"Not all who die immediately go to Heaven or Hell. Ssssome remain behind as ghossstsss due to unfinisssshed bussssinesss," Pentious explained as he fiddled with a piece of machinery.
"That hissssssing of yours is gonna get old real quickly, Pentioussss," Naruto told the inventor, Eve was on his lap and snuggling up to him.
"I get that a lot," Pentious admitted.
"So, he scared people outta other dead people's homes," Angel surmised.
"Scare, kill, humiliate. Whatever floated peoples' boat," Beetlejuice sniffed.
"You don't have to kill anybody," Charlie quickly told him.
"Boring but not a deal breaker. I can do possession!"
"Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends. Fun at parties," Beetlejuice's voice came from Vaggie's mouth. The woman was far from amused given the crimson on her face.
"Ha-" Angel quickly covered his mouth and ducked under the knives Vaggie threw at him in retaliation.
"If that ain't good enough. Ha!"
Alastor and Niffty found themselves twitching before their eyes turned blue.
Beetlejuice is sexy!
Beetlejuice is smart!
BJ is a graduate of Juilliard
He can help
We found him on Yelp
Our troubles all ended on the day that we befriended him
Every word is the truth
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice
"What the heck was that?...Do it again!" Niffty laughed maniacally.
"I've never felt so violated in all my life!" Alastor was smiling but everyone could tell he was pissed beyond comprehension.
"There ya go kid. A couple of five-star reviews. Wanna see some more?"
"No, thanks," again, Charlie didn't want that.
"Look, we just want your help keeping people trying to take advantage of what Charlie's trying to do here out," funny though it was Naruto didn't feel like dealing with a vengeful Alastor.
"Then why's Bambi here?" Beetlejuice asked.
"Entertainment. I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure! I can't enjoy watching people fail if they don't come here," Alastor reminded many and informed the newest member.
"That's dark, twisted and just plain evil. I respect that," Beetlejuice told the Radio Demon, "Okay, I get it. I understand. Now look. In order to do what ya want me ta do, I'll have to get to know you guys a little better. We've got to get closer. Move in with you for a while. Get to be real pals. You know what I'm saying?"
"Not exactly like you have a choice here, dude," Naruto reminded the man of the deal that had been made for him to stay.
"Semantics," Beetlejuice dismissed.
"Excuse me, I have some more questions to ask," Charlie interjected.
"Yeah. Sure. Sure, go ahead. Shoot. Ask anything ya want, toots. I-" Beetlejuice stopped whatever it was he was going to say as he snorted and spat in the inside of his coat, "Save that guy for later."
"Ugh!"
The Princess of Hell grimaced from the crude display, but she'd seen a lot worse, "Well, for instance. Uh, what are your qualifications? I mean, everything about you is pretty unknown," Charlie asked him to share, especially since much about him had been done away with by the Sins.
"Ah. Well, let's see. Well, as you've heard I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague, and I had a pretty good time during that. Met my ex-wife there before we split - long story, tell ya some other time. I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it! Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy not even the Sins could get rid of! Now what do you think?! You think I'm qualified?" the man asked.
"Take a chill pill! Or ecstasy. Works just as good," Angel jumped in.
"I don't do that weak pansy-ass shit," Beetlejuice sniffed.
"Okay, well, that's good to hear. Angel, you and I are going to talk later," Charlie told him.
"Yippee," Angel sarcastically cheered, grabbed a bottle and began drinking at the thought of that 'fun' meeting.
"Babe, hold a sec. Hey, circus reject," Vaggie butt in, "We try not to kill people here-"
"You tried to kill me over a week ago!" Pentious reminded her.
"Keep talking and we can gladly revisit that mistake," Vaggie narrowed her eyes at the oldest sinner of the group.
"Withdrawn."
"Boring~" Beetlejuice and Niffty both sang.
"Pop quiz, hot shot. How would you get rid of people trying to take advantage of what we're trying to do here without killing them?" Vaggie would prefer otherwise but Charlie, bless her sweet innocent heart, wanted to avoid killing others as much as possible.
"Oh! I know what you're asking me. Can I be scary? What do you think of this?" Beetlejuice's face split open and from it erupted a myriad of monstrously horrific creatures one would find in the most twisted of nightmares.
"Oh, fuck, not that again," Husk still recalled the first time he saw the sight. It was unpleasant then and remained unpleasant now.
"Blurgh!" Angel hurled his guts; Charlie wasn't far behind.
"Oh, for the love of fuck! You're cleaning that shit up!" Husk angrily told Angel, who responded with a one-fingered salute.
"Unsightly as ever," Alastor's eye twitched.
"Oh, that's so gross," Vaggie was green, even Eve.
"I want my mommy," Velvette played into her role. But she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little disturbed.
"Is it over?" a shaken Pentious prayed.
"You like it?" Beetlejuice smiled at the group.
"NO!" many exclaimed and couldn't believe such an individual was staying with them despite what occurred a few days ago.
A Few Days Before
"Attention K-Mart shoppers! Well, I'm back. I'm happy, I feel real good about myself, ya know what I mean? So, without further delay! WELCOME TO HELL'S MUSEUM OF NATURAL RED. A MONUMENT TO THE RICH BUSINESSMAN. DON'T BE SHY TEST YOUR STRENGTH."
"Wat da fuck is dis nut talkin' about?" Angel could not understand what was just said.
"Sense doesn't exactly exist with crazy, Angel. You have better luck getting a rock to float on water," Naruto explained.
"Umm-"
"Without magic," Naruto quickly added.
"Well-"
"You know what I mean!" Pentious quickly shut his mouth at Naruto's retort.
"Ahoo-hooo-hooo? And who are you?" an intrigued Azrael hooted.
"I'm the Ghost with the Most. The Man All Men Wish to Be. Bio-Exorcist! Betelgeuse! A Stand-Up Bro. The Juice! The Most Eligible Bachelor of Hell! The King of Pranks-"
"Hey!" Naruto wasn't happy sharing such a prestigious title.
"-And the Rocket Launcher!"
The last one gave Azrael and everyone else pause, "The Rocket Launcher?"
"Better not be what I think he means," Husk hoped.
Beetlejuice merely smiled, put a thumb in his mouth, blew and everyone watched as the opposite arm and hand elongated and expanded until his hand no longer resembled a hand but a giant mallet one saw at a carnival.
One that Beetlejuice slowly brought up until it was dozens of feet in the air, and then dropped with the force of a thousand anvils. The energy should have destroyed the floor boards, but instead, the board bent, rippled, and then sprung beneath the newly promoted archangel's head. Stars crossed his vision while giant Xs became his eyes before the sure force sent him flying through the roof and straight out of Hell.
"You're shittin' me, right?"
"Hmm," Alastor narrowed his eyes. For whatever reason, the singing fledgling archangel sounded quite familiar but for the life of him, the Radio Demon couldn't figure out why.
"How isss thisss possssible?"
"Thank you! Woo! Thank you! And that is why I won't do two shows in a row anymore, babe! I won't. I won't do it. Now! What have we got here tonight, kids?!"
Chomp!
Beetlejuice's jaws struck at his head and the next moment the body was headless from the Sin of Gluttony's bite. Only for him to pull it out from his torso like a magician would a rabbit from a hat.
"Ooh, well, I, uh, see we've got the Sins and their kids here. Uh, I think they've had enough shit for one night," imitating a golf swing, everyone watched as the hotel warped and bent around them. At one point it looked as though everyone was about to be crushed until they blinked and saw everything was finally back as it was.
Lucifer shook his head to rid himself of the dizziness that clouded his mind before marching towards the chaotic, powerful prankster that was easily one of the biggest thorns in his ass next to Michael and Gabriel. Only Beetlejuice wasn't in front of him but behind the King of Hell. More accurately, he was on his back with his arms around him.
"Not so fast short-stack we're gonna have some laughs," Beetlejuice followed up by kissing the Sin of Pride on the cheek and then released a manic laugh, "Eheeheeheeheeheee!"
"Mother fuck-"
"Who is dis guy?"
"Beetl-"
"Eeeeeehh!" a high-pitched squeal came from the messy, green and yellow-haired being's mouth.
"Urmmhmmm!" Naruto found his mouth stitched up.
"Sorry, not sorry. You can say the b-word."
"Bitch?" Angel was confused, "We're in Hell?"
"Nice try, sexy lady."
"Imma guy."
"What?! No! Bad, boy! Down, boy! Down! Sit! No pointing at that thing!" Beetlejuice ordered and sprayed Beetle-junior with a bottle of ice cold water, "Sorry 'bout him. He gets excited over anything he thinks is a lady."
"Can't blame 'im. It's kinda my thing," Angel made a sexy pose and winked at Beetlejuice.
"Woah, hold up! Not happening. Pew!" Beetlejuice made a finger pistol motion towards Angel and everyone heard a loud 'Bang!' echo in the hotel lobby.
"Hey!" Angel was indignant of the suit he now wore. His new garb made him look like a Wall Street Shark from the 1950s instead of his usual androgynous attire.
"See, not a lady. Those are ladies. Well, I think they are. Hard to tell really," Beetlejuice eyed certain areas of Vaggie and Charlie that weren't very pronounced, "Just a sec!"
With a jerking motion of his hands, Vaggie and Charlie's clothes ripped off them and left one of them nude and the other in her undergarments.
"Hey!" Vaggie covered her nude self and made a mental note to not only kill the man but also Naruto for swiping her bra earlier. The lack of panties was Charlie's fault.
"Aahh!"
"Nice."
"Wow, she really does wear pinky bear underwear," Niffty's comment only served to embarrass Charlie further.
"Eyes off my girl!" Lucifer ordered.
"That sounded so wrong Luci," Bee told her king.
"Yeah, I heard it, too. Eyes off my kid!" he corrected.
"Don't have ta tell me twice. Not much to look at anyway."
Ouch!
"You, Bee, on the other hand-"
"I will eat you and shit you out into a lake of acid if you finish that sentence," was the Sin's one and only warning. God help him if he did anything to her clothes, too. She had no problem being nude, but damn if she'd allow this asshole to be the one to do it.
"I'm into kinky shit, pun intended," was the man's very unsettling and disturbing reply, "Better bring pepto-bismol, babe. I go down fightin'."
"Oh, I'm gonna hurl," Vaggie was green with disgust at the image.
"ENOUGH!" Lucifer barked, snapped his fingers to redress his semi-nude daughter and Vaggie before giving Beetlejuice the death stare, "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice-"
"No, no, no! Come on, Luci, ol' buddy, ol' pal. Let's talk about-"
"Beetlejuice!"
"Aghh! No! Not again! I don't wanna go back to-hurk!" every watched as the man swelled up like an over-inflated balloon. His face became rounder, his fingers became sausages, and his stomach bloated to the size of a water truck's water barrel until finally-
BOOM!
-green gore, blood and guts exploded all over them.
"Oh, God! Pft! It's in my mouth!" Charlie gagged and spat chunks of unknown out of her mouth.
"Whoops," Lucifer, one of the only few left untouched by the explosion, sheepishly laughed.
"Asshole!"
"Douche!"
"Not cool, Luci!"
"Hah. It would appear I need another visit to the tailor."
"God damned Mexican food."
The last comment had everyone look left and right to spot Beetlejuice, alive and well with his pants down and on a toilet in the middle of the hotel lobby, "Knew I shouldn't have eaten that spicy Satan wrap combo. Love it but it clearly doesn't love me. Ohh, Christ! 'Xcuse me folks," the man lifted his leg and then released.
Thrrrrrrppp!
A cloud of noxious vapour filled the air as Beetlejuice sighed contentedly, "Phew! That's better...Uh, can I get a little privacy here? Bunch of sickoes."
"Hurk!" Husk prided himself on having a strong stomach, especially with his level of alcohol consumption. But the odour easily began outmatching it.
"Bleegh!" Angel Dust had a much weaker constitution.
"Ahhhh!" given their highly enhanced olfactory sense, the deluge pouring from their eyes and noses had Naruto and Bee howling with pain.
Alastor's smile was very strained and his eyes nearly began watering despite his incredible willpower.
"What?! How?!" Lucifer didn't understand. The curse put upon the man should have banished him.
"I don't kiss and tell," said the newspaper and business performing man.
"Since when?" Beelzebub asked while trying to help Naruto, her son pinching his nose so tightly it was about ready to pop off.
"Not important! Why are you here?" Lucifer ordered. Not that the being before him would listen.
"Taking a crap, obviously," the comment had Lucifer sorely wishing he could vaporize the being out of existence but somehow for some unexplained reason even that was beyond him.
"How are you still here?" Bee elaborated, "Anyone of us that says yer name three times in a row can either summon or banish you the fuck outta here!"
"Oh, well, took some doing but I managed to tweak that little hex you seven assholes put on me," Beetlejuice grunted before he looked satisfied, "Phew!"
Flush!
"The rules are different now," Beetlejuice, his pants now back up, banished the toilet, "You wanna get rid of me? Tough shit."
"Speaking of. Ya gonna wash yer hands?"
"Naw, I'm good," was his response much to Vaggie's further disgust.
"What is he?" a curious Niffty asked, "Can I stab him?"
Lucifer interjected before the Ghost with Most could answer, "Yes to the second. And no freakin' clue to the first. His backstory changes every time we ask. One time he claimed to be a ghost, or a poltergeist, a powerful one. Another time a demon. And one time, an Old One offspring," the latter one made sense and was more believable, but it is unknown if it was true.
"Last time we asked didn't he tell us he was a human from six hundred years ago who died in a botched satanic ritual during the Black Plague," Bee added.
"Hey, I was just a humble graverobber simply plying my trade. Nothing wrong with looking to make an honest buck," Beetlejuice defended and picked his teeth.
"See what I mean?" Beelzebub deadpanned.
"Uncle Satan was involved?" Charlie inquired.
"Figure of speech, Charchar," Bee knew one of Satan's biggest regrets was getting drunk and giving birth to Satisnim. Sure, having worshipers were great for the first millennium, but now they were mainly annoying weird fucks that blew up his cell phone whenever they performed a ritual in his name.
It was funny in the beginning, but by the 19th, 20th, and 21st centuries, the Second Strongest Sin basically viewed his human worshipers as telemarketers or junk mail at this point. Delete from folder, block, permanently delete!
If only it were that easy.
"And the worst part is now we can't use the curse we put on him. I blame your kid for this, Bee," Lucifer conjured a glass of hard apple cider and downed it in one gulp for the headache that was coming on.
Bee would have normally defended her son but in this case, she couldn't deny that Naruto's last involvement with Beetlejuice caused their current predicament.
"Curse?" Charlie inquired after hearing it mentioned a few times.
"Centuries before you were born this guy caused a good amount of havoc in Hell. Funny for the first few decades, but then he started pissing off the nobles and even the Sins. So we cursed him so he could only be seen or heard or can use his powers if ya say his name three times," Bee informed her helldaughter.
"Doesn't Naruto also do that?" Charlie pointed out.
"Way to throw me under the bus," Naruto commented, his mouth finally free from its shackles.
"Well, you do," Charlie told him.
"That's different. He's my son," Bee said as though it explained everything, "And his pranks are funny."
"You've clearly never been pranked by your own kid," Lucifer rubbed his arm as the memories and phantom pains of what happened to his wings appeared in his mind.
"I popped him out. I've got immunity," Bee boasted, "Lili too but that's only 'cuz he had the hots for her."
"I'm his hellfather!"
"Grow a rack and figure like your wife-"
Lucifer's eyes were filled with mischief, "Go on. Finish that sentence. I dare you. And because I'm such a great guy, I'll warn you in advance that I will make sure you never throw another party, Bee, and ban your kid from every ramen stand in Hell," Lucifer smiled evilly at the two.
Many expected them to backpedal but instead, Naruto simply took out his phone and pressed a few buttons and then everyone heard the King of Hell's phone ding. The Ruler of the Seven Rings quickly grabbed it and the smile he had quickly faded, "You're bluffing!"
Naruto said nothing and both her and his mother merely smiled in triumph. It was clear to everyone who knew the Embodiment of Hell that he had his hellfather by the balls and gave Lucifer a look that said 'try me'. The demons of Gluttony looked at the King of Hell to assess who would cave first but the winner was declared very quickly.
"Damn it," Lucifer cursed and made a mental note to destroy his hellson's phone.
"I've got backups, too," Naruto said as though he were reading the fallen angel's mind.
Shit!
Whether Naruto was bluffing or not, Lucifer wasn't willing to take that risk.
"That's my boy!" Bee was so proud.
Before anything else could be said, everyone heard the telltale sound of someone screaming at the top of their lungs.
"WAHHHHHH!"
"What's th-Oof!" Naruto looked up, only to fall when something or someone fell onto him.
"What the Hell wassss that?!" Pentious armed himself for a fight.
"Who's that?" Lucifer asked.
"Vel! Are you okay?" Charlie asked her newest resident.
"No! No, I'm not okay! I've been falling for over four minutes! What the heck haAhhh!" Velvette moaned and had to prop her arms out to stop herself from collapsing.
"Mhgmhm hgjjmh," Naruto tried to speak but his voice was muffled in between the woman's thighs.
"Don't. stop," a flush Velvette shuddered. This was just as good as she remembered.
"Oh, live-action porno. Nice," Beetlejuice had a beer bottle labelled 'Good Shit' in one hand and popcorn in the other.
"Get off him!" Eve ordered the sinner.
Much as she didn't want to - she took orders from no one! - Velvette complied with the order.
"Who's this?" Naruto asked.
"Oh, right, fuck!" Charlie cursed herself, "Didn't have time to introduce you two. Naruto, this is Vel."
"Let me guess, nymphomaniac?" Naruto asked the sinner.
"How'd you, like, know?"
"Your thighs said it all," Naruto grinned, and Vel blushed.
"Sorry," Velvette played into her meek role, "Can't control it at times."
"No need to apologize to me, little lady," Naruto kissed her hand.
"Okay, tone it down, Casanova. Vel, this is my hellcousin, Naruto."
"Hellcousin?" Vel played ignorant, "Wait, is he, like, the Sin's kid you mentioned?"
"Yep. He's my kid."
Vel turned her head and struggled to push down her worry as she spotted not one of the Seven Deadly Sins, but two. Worst of all, one of them was the head honcho of all of Hell himself. Velvette was the youngest overlord but her partnership and control over social media allowed her to quickly empower her with the knowledge of both known and unknown matters in Hell, and from that she learned that both of these Sins held the power to permanently off sinners without the need for angelic weapons. Velvette did the only thing she could think of to avoid them questioning her.
Thud!
She fainted like a helpless damsel.
"Outta the way! I'll take care of this!" Beetlejuice puckered up and prepared to breathe life into the white-haired woman.
"Beetlejuice!" Naruto barked.
"Oh, come on!" the Ghost with the Most whined.
Naruto suddenly held up two fingers which got the older enigmatic being to wisely shut up. After getting his point across, Naruto looked at the two oldest demons in the hotel, "We need to talk."
(A Few Days Before - Sometime Later)
Needless to say, the meeting between the two groups was over and neither side came to an agreement. Nor was Charlie able to sell them on her idea to redeem sinners, or at least to Sera she didn't get the chance to do so before she and the remaining exterminators left. Now both Naruto and Charlie were left to convince their parents of another matter.
"No!" both Sins were heard shouting.
"Come on."
"Absolutely not!"
"Oh, for the love of-Look, this will work."
"No, it'll suck!"
"It'll be fine."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"I'd like-"
"No!"
"But I've-"
"No!"
"Mom-"
"No!"
"Dad!"
"Let me say it in Japanese," Lucifer opened his mouth but no words came out until after it closed, "No."
Charlie blinked, "Since when have you been able to pull that off?"
"Got bored when your mother left-"
"She's trying to distract you, Luci," Bee warned her friend and ruler.
"Damn it, auntie Bee/mom!"
"Right, right. The answer's no!"
"Wat are they talkin' 'bout?" Angel wondered what was happening.
"Our resident hound and princess are trying to convince their parents to allow that uncouth sack of waste to remain here," Alastor's tone made it clear he didn't want that to happen. Few ever came close to wiping the permanent smile off his face, and Beetlejuice was one of those who came very close.
"Better be getting a raise if they do," Husk told the owner of his soul and quickly began drinking a conjured bottle labelled 'Decent Booze'... Wait.
"Oh, you're shitting," despite saying that, Husk really hoped the poltergeist, as he liked to refer to Beetlejuice, was ousted from the hotel and their lives.
"We both know what that boy is capable of, Husker. And while we've only known the princess for a short amount of time, and she's still finding her place in the world despite her daddy issues, her potential leaves me to believe she's no different," Alastor gave his two cents.
"Fuck," Husker cursed and drank some more.
"Quite," Alastor agreed. He didn't like it but the Radio Demon didn't get to be where he was by not adapting to situations not in his favour.
"You've met this clown?" Angel glanced at the two.
"Regrettably. And, no, I shall not be sharing that unpleasant moment in our lives," Alastor informed the prostitute/porn star. Knowledge was power, power and blackmail.
"I've been unsuccessfully trying to forget ever since we met the asshole," Husk shuddered.
"So, wat's his story?"
"Weren't you listening?" Vaggie, who sat next to them but had remained quiet thus far, couldn't believe Angel Dust. Did everything go in one ear and out the other with the sinner?
"Busy getting out of dat monkey suit he put on me," Angel Dust admitted.
"Ugh," Vaggie groaned, "Centuries ago-"
"Yawn."
"What?"
"No offence, Vagina, but don't you know any more original ways ta start a story?" this was exactly the same way Vaggie began telling him about the Strawberry Pimp.
"You're the one who asked!"
"And now I regret it," Angel was looking and picking his nails.
"Angel," said demon turned but held up all four of his arms in surrender the instant he spotted the blade of Vaggie's angelic spear pointed at his face, "Sit down, shut up, or goodbye tit fluff!"
Needless to say, to save the titfluff, Angel wisely complied.
"Anyway, years ago-"
"I thought you said he appeared in Hell centuries ago?"
"Will you quit cutting me off!" Vaggie snarled, "Anyway. Centuries ago, Beetlejuice suddenly appeared in Hell. At first, he was spotted in Envy-"
"Hold up! Envy? I thought dis guy was a sinner?"
"Alastor, can you gag him before I lose it," Vaggie was itching to use her spear.
"With pleasure, my dear," Alastor snapped his fingers, and Angel found his mouth duct taped over and his hands bound to ensure it couldn't be removed.
"Thank you. Now then. Centuries ago, Beetlejuice appeared in Envy raising, well, Hell and caused havoc and untold chaos. No one had ever been able to figure out exactly where he came from except that he just popped up in Envy one day. His powers were unique and he could warp and bend reality to suit his needs. But most of all, he loved pranking and scaring people, mostly the living. Leviathan, the Sin of Envy, the Prince of Horror, the Lord of Ghosts, Ruler of the Undead, The Great Demon King of the Sea of Lost Souls, and the Devourer of Want, took a liking to him and Beetlejuice came under his wing. No idea what happened but decades later they parted ways and Beetlejuice began targeting nobles of Hell, and powerful demons from other rings. One day he targeted the King of Destruction and Wrath, Amon and the Lord of Chaos and Fear, Astaroth - titles that are a bit over the top if you ask me but well deserved - but made it look like it came from the other."
"Let me guess, they went, like, a little crazy," Velvette asked.
"Hardly call having a fight that destroyed a good portion of Hell a little crazy, but yeah. Amon and Astaroth are two of the oldest and most powerful demons of Hell, very old-fashioned and very prideful. Their rampage destroyed much of Wrath and they're the reason why most of it is an arid wasteland. Satan was able to put them down, but they left him heavily wounded and the damage to Wrath was done. Without Satan, the citizens of Wrath entered into a civil war over the more fertile lands, and because the people of Wrath followed the strong. With Satan out of the picture, a lot of them thought his seat was up for grabs, too."
"They thought they could take over Wrath?" Velvette was a bit intrigued.
"Wrath is home to a bunch of hicks. Tough hicks, but not what you'd call the smartest bunch," was Vaggie's oversimplified explanation, "Anyway, the civil war lasted for months before Satan recovered and took control of it. Sometime after Satan recovered he and the other Sins, Charlie's dad included, dealt with Beetlejuice."
"By dealt with, you mean," Velvette made a slicing motion where her throat was, "Like, from where I'm standing it doesn't look like they did a good job."
"That's what the rest of Hell assumed when no one saw him again," Vaggie nodded, "Clearly they had other plans. I only know about him when I came across an old book when we cleaned up the hotel. Pretty most of Hell has forgotten about him."
"Well, as you can see, I'm alive and well, babe," Beetlejuice interjected, appearing in between them and making them jump away, "Trust me. Death would have been better than being invisible to everyone."
"Invisible?"
"Believe me, we tried killing him. Didn't work, so he cursed his pasty, mouldy ass," a new voice rang.
"Woah! Who's dis guy?" Angel Dust, who somehow managed to get out of his bonds, asked upon spotting the new arrival.
Eve was the one who answered, "Asmodeus, Sin of Lust."
"The one and only baby," Asmodeus laughed, "So, Bee wasn't lying. The kid did fuck an exorcist into falling."
"Worth it," Eve told the Sin.
"Don't have to tell me about it," Asmodeus recalled several of his female workers singing Naruto's praises during his teenage years. His libido coupled with being Trihexia and being in Lust made him very, very amorous.
"Uncle Ozzie?" Charlie looked at her honorary uncle, "What are you-"
"Bee gave me the details. What the Hell were you thinking, kid!" Oz chastised his friend's son.
"He wasn't! There's absolutely no good reason for breaking the curse on that pain in the ass!" Lucifer said. A curse that made him invisible to all and could only be broken through certain very special requirements.
"That's what I've been trying to explain! Azrael was wielding the Reality Stone," Naruto gave the three Sins his reasoning. And judging by their reactions, he knew it was a good one.
"WHAT?!" all three Sins bellowed and briefly changed into their true forms.
"You mean that orange glowing stone on his chest?" Charlie recalled.
"Yep," Naruto answered with an audible pop.
"They gave that son of a bitch my Reality Stone! What the fuck are they doing up there?!" Lucifer raged.
"Um, excuse me, but what's a Reality Stone?" Vel asked, curious and intrigued that such an object had the Sins on edge.
"One of seven cosmic singularities that accidentally came into being during the Big Bang alongside the Old Ones. Powerful objects that can boost a person's power enormously. To put it another way. Ordinary angelic weapons are like missiles. Archangel weapons are akin to atomic bombs. These things are akin to thermonuclear bombs," Lucifer frowned.
Exactly why his siblings believed one - the most powerful of the bunch, and formerly his, too! - should be given to Azrael was beyond his comprehension.
"Are you kidding me here? And Heaven has these things!" Angel wasn't afraid to admit it was a pretty scary thought knowing Heaven had such powerful objects.
"Powerful as they are, even then there are limits. The Stones are more likely to kill you if you're not strong enough," Asmodeus educated the group.
"Best part is Heaven used to have all of 'em. After Luci and Lilith were banished, me, Ozzie and the others caused a lot of shit topside after we stole the stones from his siblings, but even with the stones we still lost," while it took place 10,000 years ago, Bee recalled the battle as though it occurred yesterday.
"Unfortunately, for them, we had the last laugh," Asmodeus interjected, "Heaven only managed to recover three of the stones. The Reality Stone from Luci, The Ressurection Stone from Levi, and the Alchemy Stone from me. Using the Space Stone, it and the other three were sent to who knows where when it was clear we were gonna lose. Even more upsetting is that since God didn't intentionally create them, even His power didn't allow him to know where we sent them. Even we didn't know. Bel just made a portal and we all chucked the stones in. For all intended purposes, they're lost and Heaven wasn't exactly thrilled about that."
"Wait a sec. Youse telling me there are four power-boosting rocks out there for anyone ta get their mitts on?" Angel pointed out.
"Yes, and no. If you were to grab one of them, you'd explode," Bee explained.
"Yeah, so?" blowing up with power would be a good change of pace.
"Okay, let's put it another way. You know the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme, yeah?" Naruto decided to dumb it down for Angel.
"All the king's horses and all the king's men put Humpty Dumpty back togetha again? No, never heard of it," Angel snarked.
"Actually, the original version was they couldn't put him back together again. Well, in this case, there's nothing left of the talking egg. You touch that stone and that's all she wrote. Might as well have been killed by an angelic weapon. That's what Azrael has at his fingertips."
"Fuck."
"Yep. Which is why Beetlejuice should stick around. For whatever reason, the stones don't work on him," Naruto reiterated.
"How? How do you know...Holy shit. Hell has a stone," Angel deduced.
"The Space Stone, yeah. Found its way into Hell by pure luck millennia ago. Tried to use it to banish the son of a bitch into Purgatory when we couldn't kill him. Didn't work. Had to curse him instead," Lucifer had not been amused. But in the end, the punishment was worse for the troublemaker.
"Purgatory?"
"With the Space Stone we were able to access a baren dimension that was perfect to house Hell's prison for the worst of the worst. A place that's only accessible with said stone. A shithole where any prisoner who goes in never comes out and wishes for death. Basically what humans are taught to think what Hell would actually be like," Lucifer elaborated for the ignorant sinner.
"Especially if the worms get ya," Beetlejuice shuddered. He might not have been able to be banished there, but he had seen what lived in that wasteland, "Wait, does this mean-"
"I'm going to stop you right there," Lucifer quickly brought his daughter's thought to a halt, and spoke to both her and Naruto, "Your mother and I really, and I mean really, would rather-"
"Please don't say anything that will scar us and ruin our relationship," both Charlie and Naruto pleaded with the King of Hell.
"The point is...hah, fuck. He. can...stay," Lucifer managed to finish, painful though it was.
"Oh, shoot me," Husk couldn't believe his luck.
"If I must suffer through this Husker, so must you," Alastor also didn't like this, but wouldn't give his underling the easy way out.
"I can stay!" Beetlejuice whooped.
"With conditions!" Lucifer and Bee quickly added.
"You can't be serious!" Asmodeus looked at his two oldest friends.
"Wish it wasn't so, Oz," Bee told him.
Well, shit.
(Present)
"No good?" Beetlejuice asked upon seeing Charlie's face after explaining what he could do instead.
"Ugh! No!" Charlie groaned, "Look, Beetlejuice, you're allowed to stay here so long as you put in the effort to help us and prove to my father you've been able to turn over a new leaf."
"Can't perfect what's already perfected, babe, but like I told Lucy, I'll give it a whirl. No matter how stupid this is," Beetlejuice's reply only served to leave Charlie even more exasperated.
"I still say this a big fucking mistake," Husk gave his two cents, "I mean, do we really need him?"
"Azrael has the Reality Stone. Sure, he's limited in what he can do at the moment with enclosed spaces, but over time he'll be able to warp reality on a whim and Beetlejuice is the only one who can nullify its powers," Naruto reminded.
"Can't you just destroy them, master?" Eve inquired. Despite being from Heaven, even she was ignorant of the stones.
"They're cosmic singularities not even God can do away with. I don't even know if they can be destroyed," Naruto admitted.
"Fan-freakin-tastic," Angel Dust just loved hearing it when people said that, "How's this guy immune anyway?"
"Don't know how and don't know why, but until we get that stone out of Azrael's hands, or until I master my powers, we'll need all the help we can get. So, like it or not, the pervert stays," Naruto would have liked otherwise but didn't see any other solution.
"Dat reminds me. How'd you meet the guy? I thought the Short King said he the curse made 'im invisible?" Angel Dust inquired curiously.
"Oh, that. Well-"
Knock!
Knock!
Knock!
Knock!
"Hold that thought."
"Oh, for the love of fuck!" Angel cursed. Not again!
"Guest?!"
"I got it, Charlie," Naruto told his hellcousin and opened the door, "Welcome to the-oof!"
Everyone prepared themselves for whatever tackled Naruto to the ground but relaxed when they saw him being nuzzled by a female grey-furred hellhound of the opposite sex.
"Loona? What are you doing here?" Naruto inquired.
"Needed a place to lay low, and you're responsible for it," she glared.
"Me? What I do?"
"Slept with my mother is what you did, old man," spoke another voice from the entryway. Naruto looked up to spot a small figure he hadn't seen in a while. But before he could greet them he was beaten to the punch by another.
"Octavia? It is you!"
"Oh, no, not you," Octavia groaned upon seeing Lucifer's daughter, and groaned even more upon being roped into an unwilling hug.
"You know each other?" Naruto surmised.
"I babysat her," Charlie revealed.
"Babysat? Seriously? What the fuck kinda princess are ya?" Angel might not know much about royalty, but he was fairly certain they didn't look after another person's kid. Family was one thing, sure, but outside of that, he was sure this wasn't how royals were to behave.
"Her grandfather is one of dad's closest friends. Plus, she was so cute as a baby that I couldn't help but volunteer. Yes, you were," Charlie hugged the moody goth girl even more.
"Dat explained nothing at all, dollface," Angel pointed out.
"She's Princess Octavia of the Ars Goetia. Daughter of Prince Stolas, and Princess Consort Stella, and granddaughter of Paimon, King of the Ars Goetia, and Commander General of the Sixty-Six Legion of Hell," Naruto introduced her to everyone.
"Uh...Okay. And her?" Angel nodded at the hellhound in Naruto's lap.
"This is Loona. We-"
"Fucked for five hours straight," Loona finished, "Sup."
"Not where I was going but not untrue on both counts," Naruto acknowledged.
"Bullshit!"
"Don't call master a liar! I was there!" Eve held her sword at Angel's throat.
"Okay, okay. He slept with yas two for five hours straight," Angel gulped.
"Good," Eve removed the sword, "And for the record, it was her, master, a succubus and two imps. One of them was male."
"OH, COME ON!" both Angel and Naruto shouted. The former because he was pissed and the latter because he didn't want others to know that.
"Kill me now," Octavia begged whomever was listening.
"No one kills my bride-to-be!"
Octavia's head swiveled quickly at the voice and her eyes widened to astronomic levels when she saw others looking at the being that haunted.
"Hey, chickadee, what's shakin'?" Beetlejuice winked.
Octavia looked at Naruto who was looking away in shame, "What. did. you. do?"
"You know him?" Charlie looked between them.
"Know him! He tried to marry me!"
"What?" Vaggie exclaimed, "Are you a pedophile?"
"Eww! No! And for the record, this is Hell. No laws against that shit down here...I think. At best, I'd be an ephebophile," Beetlejuice defended himself.
"A what?" Niffty didn't understand the word.
"Okay, so here's the thing, now just hear me out for one second. Pedophiles are those who are attracted to prepubescent little shits. Ephebophiles are people attracted to people who are fifteen to eighteen years old. But no matter how you try to explain it, it's hard to do that without sounding like a pedophile anyway. Just saying," Beetlejuice quickly explained.
Angel tried to find a way to dispute that. He was many things even when alive, but when it came to people touching kids, Angel wasn't afraid to fill such people full of lead. Teens older than fifteen were one thing. They were old enough to own up to their own stupid mistakes in his books. But try as he might, Angel couldn't deny the truth of Beetlejuice's words.
"Good going, old man," Octavia told him.
"More complicated than it looks, goth chick," Naruto told her, "What are you two doing here again?"
"Her mom found out about me sleeping with you," Loona reminded him.
"Oh, crap...Yeah, that checks out," Naruto couldn't deny that while Stella was a sweet lay, she was clingy and jealous and highly opinionated.
Damn that awesome ass of hers!
"Why would Stella-Oh, you didn't," Charlie groaned and prayed to her grandfather that she was wrong, "She's married."
"Wouldn't call it a healthy marriage. No offence, Via," he apologized to Octavia.
Octavia said nothing and while she would have defended her mother in another life, she couldn't deny that her mother's attitude played a major role in her parents' separation and likely their eventual divorce. She loved her, and while Stella loved her, Octavia had to acknowledge she wasn't the ideal wife or mother. It wasn't unheard of for the nobles of Hell, man and woman, to have a lover. But the unspoken rule was they were to be discreet and had to be someone of good standing.
"Wait, wasn't there a clip of that on Helltube? Wat was-Right! He fucked an imp, or something, yeah?" Angel Dust recalled.
"Was it the one where a naked imp said 'Sorry, I fucked your husband?'" Loona inquired.
"Dat's da one!" Angel Dust snapped his fingers.
"God damn it, Blitz," Loona growled.
"Wait, you know,"
"She's his daughter," Octavia revealed.
"Adopted," Loona quickly added.
"A real character that one," was Naruto's opinion of the imp, "Hold up. Does he know you're here?"
"Hell no!" a worrying Blitz was an annoying as fuck Blitz.
Sure, Stolas made sure Blitz knew she was going to lay low, but as far as he was concerned she was in a safe house provided by Stolas. The less people knew where she was, the less chance that feathered harpy would find the hellhound and 'punish' her for putting her paws on what Stella believed was hers. That and Blitz would only make things worse if he knew she was residing in the same place as Naruto.
"You really should let him know. Adopted or not, he's your dad," was Charlie's opinion.
Loona snorted and muttered, "Says princess daddy issues."
"What?" Charlie didn't hear what was said.
"Nothing," Naruto stopped any retort by grabbing Loona's tail, the act rendering her flush, "How'd you find where I was, anyway?"
"Your mother," Octavia answered.
"Of course, she did," Naruto wasn't surprised his mother would give up his location for shits and giggles.
"The owl chick knows his mother, too? How'd you even meet anyway?"
"Believe it or not, it was the same time we encountered Beetlejuice," Naruto was the one to answer this time and began telling the tale.
"Ooh, ooh! Can I tell it?" Beetlejuice waved his arm.
"No!"
(Nearly A Year Ago)
You're invisible when you're me
There's no one to see my truth
If they could look up they'd say:
"Hey, somebody's on the roof!"
God, it's mortifying
What's the point of even trying?
'Cause now
I'm trapped with no escape
Banished, disavowed
I vanished like a cloud
Of dirty hipster vape
Nobody said life's fair
Guess they will never seeeee
The demon whoooo isn't theeeere
You're invisible when youuuuuuuu're~me
The being took a pause from his singing to light a cigarette and enjoyed the taste as the smoke danced on his tongue and burned his throat. The silence was broken when he asked no one in particular, "When the Hell did I start singing musicals?"
Was it to kill the boredom? Was it because he stayed in Hell for so long that he developed the same eccentricities as the natives? Seriously, one was lucky to go a single day without hearing another person in this cesspool sing. Who sang what they were feeling in real life? Well, it could be worse. Since no one could see him he didn't have to pay the cover for strip clubs, and he got to see a lot of free live-action porn, too.
"Ah, who am I trying to kid?" he missed scaring the literal crap out of people. He missed Vegas! He missed being able to go back to Earth. And most importantly, "I miss sex."
Creek.
The sound of a door opening below him had the being spotting a young woman, "Woah, what have we got here?"
Sniff.
Ah, a crier. Nice! They were easy to get into bed with.
"By the time you read this, I, Octavia Goetia, will be gone. I can't take it anymore. My family's gone. There's nothing for me here. I'm alone. Forsaken. Invisible," Octavia cried, clutching the letter in her hands tightly.
The being's features softened a bit as he listened to the young avian princess' lament. He could sympathize, "That makes two of us."
"Who the Hell are you?"
"What the f-(beep)!" startled by the sudden call, the being fell unceremoniously on his ass. Upon righting himself, he spotted the young adolescent Goetia looking up at him, "W...Can you...see me?"
"Yeah?" Octavia answered.
"You can! Wait...Is this a trick? Am I being Punked right now? Lucifer you short-stacked bottom bitch! This ain't funny! The Black Death? That was funny! The Great Depression? Hilarious! This? This is just cruel and unusual punishment! I mean, kudos to ya, but-"
"I can see you!"
"Like I haven't heard that before," damn realistic illusions.
"Why would I make up speaking to someone who looks like a bloated zebra that a lion ripped apart and then didn't eat because there was obviously something wrong with it, so it just rotted in the hot African sun?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
Yeah, that was way too specific a description for any of Lucifer's illusions. Which meant, "You CAN see me! I'M GONNA HAVE A NEW BEST FRIEEEEEEND!" sang the man.
Octavia would regret ever saying anything and not just walking away when she had the chance.
"So, owl babe, what brings you to the roof?" the being asked but didn't care all too much.
"I'm gonna jump."
"NO-Wait, aren't you a noble douchebag?"
"Goetia," Octavia answered with narrowed eyes at the douchebag comment. Sure, a lot were, but she was proud to be a Goetia despite her circumstances. But she'd trade it all to get her family back to the way they were.
"Christmas dinners, whatever. Wouldn't jumping just hurt your immortal ass?" hurt a lot went unsaid.
"..."
"Didn't think this all the way through, did ya?" the being smiled.
Said smile was quickly lost when Octavia produced a red dagger with glowing white features in a one-flue design. Being around as long as he had, the being immediately became alert and began talking fast, "Okay, let's not be hasty there, babe. How 'bout instead of impaling yourself and making mommy and daddy cry-"
"They don't care about me!"
"Right, don't bring up ma and pa. Instead of offing yourself, how 'bout you, uh, I don't know, say my name three times?"
"What?" Octavia wondered what this bloated gas bag was talking about.
"Please don't make me beg. Because I will, I just...Ah, shit! OKAY FINE! I'M BEGGING. Ya happy? I'm begging ya to help me. I am so sick and tired of being invisible and stuck like this and you, you can change all of that!" he pleaded and hated it. It made him look like a chump. He made others look like chumps!
"Change? I can't change anything! That's why I'm doing this. Once I'm dead, my parents will be sorry! My father especially!" Octavia brought the knife closer to her as she finished.
"NO! No, he won't, you'll just be dead. Hey, I get it! You and me, we're not that different. You don't like your dad, and I don't like my mom! She's a real piece of work, and she doesn't get me. She's always like 'Get a job!' or 'Why is your hair purple?' when my hair's clearly piss-yellow green or 'I should've left, like your father.' The point is, Maybe we can help each other out, yeah?"
"Help each other out?" Octavia scoffed, "How?"
The man on the roof of her home merely grinned a yellow-toothed grin.
You could use a buddy
Don't you want a pal?
(Yes, I do! Yes, I do)
Girl, the way I see it
Your daddy should be leavin'
And you should stick around, and kill him
"What?"
"Nothing!" he quickly backpedaled.
So, Octavia, don't end yourself
Defend yourself
Daddy is the one you should maim
Together we'll exterminate, assassinate
No!
The finer points can wait
But first, you gotta say my name
Fake cartwheel!
Go ahead and jump but that won't stop him
Here you got a solid plan B option
I can bring your daddy so much pain
All you gotta do is say my name
Girl, just say it three times in a row
And you won't believe how far I'll go
I'm on the bench, but coach
Just put me in the game
All you gotta do is say my name
"I don't know your name."
"Well, I can't say it," a downside of the curse inflicted by the Sins, "Oh, how 'bout a game of charades?"
"Do we have to?"
"Yes, let's play it!"
Octavia really didn't want to but decided to humour the man as he held up two fingers, "Two words."
"Right!" he then pointed to the second finger.
"Second word."
"Uh-huh!" he followed up with a drinking motion.
"Drink?"
"No."
"Beverage?"
"No."
"Wine?"
"No!"
"Juice?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, first word?" she saw him point at the point at his index finger.
"Okay!" he made a crawling motion on his arm.
"Bug?"
"No."
"Ant?"
"Close, but no."
"Beetle?"
"Yes!"
"Beetlejuice?" Octavia would ask what kind of name that was but it wasn't the oddest name in Hell.
"Wow, I'm impressed! And all you gotta do is say my name three times! Three times in a row it must be spoken unbroken. Ready?"
"Yeah?"
"Okay, go!"
"Beetlejuice," Octavia said it once.
"Yes," Beetlejuice smiled.
"Beetlejuice," Octavia said it twice.
"Yes!" Beetlejuice was grinning madly and covered in a shroud of green-yellow energy.
"Beeeeee~"
"Oh, oh, this is gonna be so good!" Beetlejuice could feel his shackle coming undone, his body feeling lighter as he began to float on air once more. The Juice was gonna be loose in Hell once-
"'Cause!"
"What?!" Beetlejuice felt his power fade and the shackles came back as he fell flat on his ass.
You're so smart
A stand-up bro
I'll think about your offer
Let you know
But I prefer my chances down below
Beetlejuice
Yes
Beetlejuice
Yes!
Being young and female doesn't mean that I'm an easy mark
I've been swimming with piranhas
I don't need a shark
Yes, life sucks
But not that much
Okay, Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice
Be a doll and spare the lecture
I'm offering you a full-time spectre
But are you any good?
You betcha
Trust me, baby
I just met ya
Really it's a flattering offer
Don't you wanna see dad suffer?
I think I'd rather just jump off
No!
I may be suicidal
But Beetlejuice, it's not as if I've lost my mind
"So, playing hardball, huh? You are tougher than you look, kid," Beetlejuice didn't mind. He loved a challenge.
"Just wanna make sure I know who I'm working with. Got any references?" Octavia humoured him.
"GET BACK HERE!"
"What the fuck! A banshee?" Beetlejuice inquired.
"Worse," Octavia could only wonder what her father did to set her mother off this time.
What she saw wasn't what she was expecting, "Help me, save me! Help me, save me!"
"Who are-Hey!" Octavia tried to ask the orange-furred hellhound with dark markings.
"Shush! That milf's into shit I'm not up for," the hellhound told her.
"What are you talking about? Guar-mhmm!" Octavia found her mouth covered by a furry claw.
"Shush! Silencio! Shit!" Naruto saw movement and quickly hid behind the corner and out of sight when Stella, wearing a dark red and extremely revealing BDSM outfit that didn't leave much to the imagination came into view.
"Damn! A milf in sexy lingerie. Thanks, Big Guy!" Beetlejuice thanked the man upstairs.
"WHAT THE FUCK MOM!" Octavia tried very hard to get the image of what her mother wore out of her head. The young Goetia princess sorely wished she had taken up her father's offer to learn more advanced magic. Damn you Past Octavia!
Stella didn't care one bit how she looked in front of her daughter, "Octavia, darling have you seen...what are you doing with that knife?"
Octavia was many things and was normally quick in thinking on her feet but with everything that just transpired all that came out of her mouth was, "Ummm."
"Give me that!" Stella swiped the dangerous weapon from her daughter's hands, "When your worthless father gets home-"
"You're going to tell him about that hellhound you were clearly fooling around with?" Octavia's reply silenced her mother, despite the bile she tasted from saying that.
Stella wanted to retort but her face turned red instead and all she could say was, 'Where'd he go?' before the wife of Stollas simply left in the direction Octavia wrongfully pointed in.
"Phew! Thanks, kid... Uh, what's happening here?" a hellhound asked.
"I could ask the same thing but I have no desire to be scarred any further," Octavia glared.
"Yeah, figured you were her kid. Sorry 'bout that. Octavia, right?"
"You slept with her and probably did other things I am trying very hard to block out, but don't try and be my friend, old man," Octavia told him.
"Old man! I'm twenty-two, damn it! And the name's Naruto."
"Didn't ask, old man," was Octavia's response.
"You're an angry little chick, aren't ya?" Naruto commented but his frown softened when he sensed something else, "No, not angry. You're a very sad and unhappy chick."
"Ooh, this guy's good. Think he knows card tricks, too?" Beetlejuice laughed.
"No comments from the bloated striped zebra!" Naruto declared to their astonishment.
"You can see him?!/You can see me?!" the both of them asked.
"Yeah?"
"I'M GETTING TWO NEW BEST FRIENDS!"
Much like Octavia, Naruto would wish he had merely walked away. Unfortunately, his damn bleeding heart wouldn't allow it.
Present
"And that's how we met," Naruto ended the story.
"Did you really need to tell the part about my mother?"
"Yeah, that part we could have done withou-Holy crap," Vaggie gawked at the picture of Stella posing in a very revealing adult outfit.
"And now you know why I kept her in this story," Naruto justified.
"Woof!" Loona didn't know if Blitz's sugar daddy was blind or just super gay, but she'd hit that without a doubt.
"Awwooooo!" Beetlejuice howled, his head turning into a wolf and panting like a horn dog.
"Woah! Not bad," Angel Dust commented.
"I musssst admit, sssshe is quite sssstunning," Pentious agreed.
"Hmm," was all Alastor said.
"Like, do you know where she got the outfit?" Velvette eyed the ensemble, and the fashionista in her had to acknowledge it was very well made.
"NO!"
"Vaggie, I know what I want for my birthday now," Charlie admitted the outfit was actually quite nice.
"Won't hear me complaining," Vaggie praised her creator.
"What's your size again?" Charlie's question had Vaggie scarlet with arousal.
"Shoot me," Octavia very much wanted the torture to end.
"Meh. I don't see the appeal," Eve shrugged.
"You're kidding, right?"
"She's a nudist. Clothes or sexy nightwear don't have much appeal to her," Naruto explained.
"Really?" Angel looked at Eve.
"Hey, I don't even like underwear. Which is I don't wear them," she revealed.
"Oh, for the love of fuck," Husk emptied his bottle and began another.
"Oh, god," Velvette suddenly moaned.
"Vel? Are you okay," Charlie put her hands on the sinner in a comforting manner but it only served to make her moan more loudly.
"Ohhhhh! 'Xcuse me!" Velvetted rushed out of the lobby.
"The fuck was that?" Octavia inquired.
"Horny spell, nightcap," Angel Dust saw his fair share of them, especially after others ingested Val's love drugs.
"Let's give her some space for now," Charlie told the group, "Vel was a sex addict before she fell and that followed her here."
"Looks ta me like it got supercharged," Angel Dust noted.
"She's still new to Hell. Mental conditions like that are usually worse for them and sometimes tend to get amplified in the beginning," Vaggie educated the sinner.
"So, she's gone to rub one out? Think I can watch?"
"BEETLEJUICE!"
"Help! I meant help! I-Oh, shit!" Beetlejuice dodged the knives sent toward him, "You'll never take me-"
Bang!
"Ooowww. Screw you, Bambi," a flat as a pancake Beetlejuice groaned as gravity peeled him off the dome of eldritch power the Radio Demon conjured.
"He's all yours, my dears," Vaggie's grin matched Alastor's as she approached the Ghost with the Most like a lioness would a helpless zebra.
While Vaggie rendered justice upon Beetlejuice and traumatized certain members of the Hazbin Hotel, Velvette pressed a few buttons on her phone to secure the room. To anyone outside the room, the apps not only would make it sound as though she was pleasuring herself very loudly but they would also subtly influence others to walk away instead of entering. Other apps would make certain they didn't know what she was up to while inside said room, too.
"Velvette, any luck so far?" Vox spoke on the phone.
"Nothing yet. Getting the stud alone has been a chore and a half what with that fallen bitch floating around him like a harpy. She hardly leaves his side," Velvette reported.
Powerful as she was given the souls she had to her name, fallen angels were a class of demon slightly above overlords and almost on par with lesser Goetia. But what truly made them frightening was the innate advantage they had over other demons. Fallen angels or not, such beings still retained some of their angelic power. Corrupted for certain, and limited though it was compared to before, that power was still enough to easily wipe out most demons.
The only upside was that they lost their immunity to conventional weaponry. Not to be taken lightly, for certain and they were still tough to kill. But one of their biggest advantages was now lost.
"Hmm, disappointing, but expected," Velvette frowned at the TV Demon's choice of words, "Anything else to report?"
"Yeah, think you can find out anything about some old as fuck demon called Beetlejuice?"
"Beetlejuice? Can't say the name rings a bell. Is he a problem?"
"He's a giant pain in the arse is wat he is!" Velvette shuddered just thinking about how close his lips came to touching hers after she subtly used one of her apps to make her faint, "Apparently he gave even the Sins trouble back in the day. None of them could off the prick so they had to curse him instead."
"Really?" now that was interesting in Vox's books. Someone who could give the most powerful of Hell's residents a run for their money could make for a useful ally, "I'll see what I can dig up. Any details on his curse?"
"Yeah. But apparently, it can only be broken by a Sin or a descendent of one and you have to say his name three times in a row," Velvette revealed.
"Never simple, is it? Fine. Know where or when I should start looking?"
"Envy. Centuries ago. His damn background story keeps changing but that bit doesn't," was all Velvette told her fellow Vee, feeling a bit vindictive at the moment.
Vox looked annoyed but nodded all the same, "By the way, Vel, that bitch Carmilla called a meeting. Think you can handle it?"
Of course, those two pricks would send her instead of going themselves, "Send me the time and date. Know what the Old Bat's calling us for?"
"Discussing the new Extermination schedule would be my bet. What!...Oh, for the love...Fine, I'll be right there. Gotta go, Vel. Val's in one of his moods, again," the annoyed look on his face brought a smile to her own as Vox ended the call.
"So, that's why you're here."
Velvette froze as she heard Naruto's voice behind her. And she didn't have to turn around to know he wasn't pleased.
Busted! Happy Thanksgiving folks! I'm in Canada so we do it early. Kindly review if you will, please.
As a reminder If I get 70-80 reviews in a week, by October 19th, then another chapter will be updated on October 26th, 2024, maybe sooner. Seriously, if I don't start seeing some comments about my stories then I'm not gonna bother. No satisfactory amount of reviews, then chapter will be delayed till November.