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"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Host talking"

'Host thinking'

Episode 6

"Looks like it has finally been settled." Vali spoke up smugly. "Even in another reality, I am your destined rival."

"Yeah yeah." Issei replied, barely paying attention as he popped some candy into his mouth. "At least I'm the main character/hero."

"A dim one here it seems."

"Enough you two." Azazel interrupted before the two could continue firing off snippy comments. "Shows about to continue."

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(scene changes to a dark room with swinging pendulum in the ceiling as Ms. Ophis, Saji, Motohama, Kiba holding Gasper, and Xenovia are seen walking forward)

"Oh! This is where the Z-fighters do the special training!" Irina said excitedly. "I wonder how it's going to be shown here!"

SAJI: Um. Ms. Ophis, are you sure this'll make us strong-

MS. OPHIS: Pecking order.

SAJI: Sorry!

A shiver went down the spines of the dragons in the room. Great Red was too busy chilling to actively intimidate others. But the idea of Ophis actually using her authority and power to boss around other dragons, was like a nightmare for them.

(everyone arrives at the Pendulum Room)

MS. OPHIS: Damn right you are. Now, stand in this circle here.

(everyone minus Xenovia is seen standing on the magic circle)

KIBA: You mean, like this?

MS. OPHIS: Yeah. Bye!

SAJI: Wait, what?!

"You know," Ddraig spoke up. "I think her saying it so cheerfully makes it even worse."

"At least her usual tone makes it seem like she doesn't really care." Albion added in agreement.

(everyone gets teleported to another dimension)

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene changes to King Kai's planet)

KING KAI: Alright, today we will commence your training.

ISSEI: Woohoo! Alright! Now, what's my first lesson?

KING KAI: First, you must-

ISSEI: Catch the monkey! (begins chasing Bubbles)

Issei and Irina nodded at this. "That's accurate."

KING KAI: Actually, I was going to-

ISSEI: (continues to chase Bubbles) Whee!

KING KAI: Okay, have fun with that.

"Wait," Asia spoke up. "It sounds like that wasn't the training here."

"Guess in this version, Issei is so easily distracted and crazy he does that stupidity on his own." Azazel laughed.

(scene changes to the Z Fighters walking in a ruined city)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in... somewhere...

MOTOHAMA: Wow, this place is a wreck.

KIBA: I know- the desolation, the ruin, the horror.

SAJI: Where are we, New Orleans?

(record scratch)

KIBA: Saji!

SAJI: What?

KIBA: Too soon!

"I don't get it?" Saji said looking as confused as his on-screen counterpart.

"This is why you need to watch the world news more Saji." Sona sighed. "If my assumption is correct, then this is a reference to the time the city of New Orleans, Louisiana was hit with powerful hurricanes devastating the area. Meaning your counterpart said a rather rude and tasteless joke" Sona finished adjusting her glasses.

"Oh...OH!...oooooh. I apologize on my other self's behalf" Saji said lowering his head in shame.

(Gasper looks at a helmet)

GASPER: Huh?

HELMET: (quickly) You must construct additional pylons.

"Fucking loved that game." Azazel grinned.

(Gasper shrieks)

KIBA: Gasper, get away from there.

GASPER: Why?

(helmet disintegrates, revealing the head of a Saiyan)

"I still don't get how that happened." Irina commented.

KIBA: You have no idea where that's been- it could give you an infection.

GASPER: You're not my dad- don't tell me what to-

(Saiyan attacks Chioutzu, causing him to scream as he falls off the city)

KIBA: Gasper, My partner!

"Sounds about right." Rias commented. "You and Gasper do get along." It made Kiba and Gasper smile.

MOTOHAMA: ...Gay.

KIBA: Hey, at least I don't spend all my free time living alone with a cat!

MOTOHAMA: Hey, at least I get some puss- Wow, that did not come out right.

"That's what you get for cheating on Sona you jackass!" Saji cried out, not realizing it just made Sona embarrassed at the idea of ever dating him.

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Hey, Bruzzel, look what we got here.

BRUZZEL: (disembodied echo) Yes, we've got some tourists, Spraut.

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Well, then we should give them the tour.

BRUZZEL: (disembodied echo) Yes, the tour straight to hell, because we'll be killing them, with our own two diabolical hands, which are comprised of many sinister fingers, which we shall use to fiendishly destroy them one by one until-

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Oh, for Christ's sake, yes, they get it- we're evil. Shut up!

"Rookies." Azazel scoffed. "Making the monologue waaay to long." he looked back at Vali and smirked. "Had to teach You that lesson myself."

"Shut the fuck up old man." The silver-haired boy replied, clearly trying to hide his embarrassment.

(Saiyan grabs Saji's ankle and pulls him underground)

SAJI: Oh, God, why?!

(Motohama and Kiba look at the hole as fighting sounds can be heard along with Saji screaming)

SAJI: Oh, God, this can't possibly get any worse.

MS. OPHIS: Hi.

(Saji screaming louder, possibly due to seeing Ms. Ophis.)

(Saji Owned Count: 4)

"You know, I just realized something." Issei commented. "That counter might get pretty high up there."

MOTOHAMA: It's up to us! We have to attack together!

KIBA: Right, back to back! Let's do it for Gasper!

MOTOHAMA: And Saji!

(crickets chips in silence)

MOTOHAMA: Eh, okay, just Gasper.

"Oh, come on" Saji cried out.

(Motohama and Kiba charge up to attack the Saiyans)

(scene shifts to the Pendulum Room with Ms. Ophis standing next to the circle)

MS. OPHIS: Alright, let's see how they're doing inside.

(Motohama and Kiba are seen getting hit and screaming in pain as Ms. Ophis laughs, loving every moment of it.)

Meanwhile in the theater, everyone was shivering in fear at her laughter. It was something that should never ever happen in real life. Even her normal monotone laughs are nothing compared to this.

(Eventually, everyone returns to the Pendulum Room, exhausted and terrified.)

MS. OPHIS: So, how was it?

(Heavy breathing are heard with Saji muttering something unintelligible about "darkness")

KIBA: It was... horrible.

MS. OPHIS: Good, you survived the first test.

SAJI: (relieved) Oh, thank God!

"Since I am acting in their place, you're welcome." Michael said.

MS. OPHIS: But I have some bad news.

SAJI: What?

MS. OPHIS: You're going back.

"That...that's a bit different from before." Gorou gulped.

SAJI: (sounding a bit scared) Wh-What?

MS. OPHIS: Bye!

(Z-Fighters all get teleported back to the ruined city)

SAJI: (screaming) No!

(short silence with Michael suddenly appearing next to Ms. Ophis)

MICHAEL: Ms. Ophis, where did you send them?

MS. OPHIS: I'll tell you where they're not: safe.

Azazel shuddered. "Just imagine what Ophis would actually do to someone who pissed them off."

Everyone turned to the dragon god herself, slurping on her Mega Large Soda with that same blank look. Realizing eyes were on her, she looked around.

"What?" she asked bluntly.

"Nothing."

(scene changes to King Kai's planet, Issei has just caught Bubbles)

ISSEI: Woohoo! Alright, I caught the mon- (notices Gregory) ooh, a cricket! (drops Bubbles who screeches in pain)

Issei winced a bit seeing himself act so nonchalant about this.

GREGORY: Yeah, I'm Gregory-

ISSEI: (holding a hammer) I'ma smash him!

GREGORY: (visibly terrified) What? (shift to inside King Kai's house; Gregory is seen blasting by) OHMYDEARGOD!

ISSEI: (chases Gregory with the hammer) Wee-hee!

KING KAI: (watering a plant, unconcerned) Shut up, Gregory.

(Gregory screams as Issei hits the ground with a hammer)

BOJACK: Yarr...

KING KAI: (continues watering a plant, unconcerned) Shut up, Bojack.

Issei could not help but drop his shoulders at this. "I'm turning the interesting training into a joke."

"Story of your life Mr. Oppai Dragon." Azazel chuckled, even as bits of popcorn were thrown at him.

(scene changes to Michael's Lookout)

MICHAEL: It seems that your training here is complete.

SAJI: But we-

MICHAEL: Ms. Ophis, do you have any last comments for them?

MS. OPHIS: (extremely blunt) You're all going to die.

"Wow, you didn't even try to be subtle about it." Saji said with a sweat drop.

"I mean everything I say, and I am right. You all really are going to die" she said drinking more from her Soda.

MICHAEL: Thank you, Ms. Ophis. Now I believe it is time for you to leave.

SAJI: But-but all we did was-

MS. OPHIS: Pecking order.

(Z-Fighter fly off the lookout with Kiba screaming)

SAJI: Oh, God, get out of my way!

Ophis nodded at what happened on the screen while the others winced.

(scene changes to King Kai's planet)

ISSEI: I completed the first two lessons, King Kai.

KING KAI: Yes, congratulations, you've managed to catch my pet monkey, Bubbles, and give Gregory a concussion.

GREGORY: (in pain, off-screen) You psychotic bastard!

"That should be directed at Vali." Issei grumbled.

KING KAI: Now we can start on your real training, and I can teach you the-

ISSEI: Oh, before you do, could you tell them about the Saiyans.

KING KAI: Not much to tell you other than they all died 20 years ago.

ISSEI: (gasps) Even my dad?

(flashback of Gorou screaming while burning)

This made the Hyoudou's wince a bit.

"Hey, at least I went out a cool warrior!" Gorou added in a chipper tone as his wife held his hand.

(King Kai is seen holding his mouth, trying not to burst out laughing)

KING KAI: (abruptly) Yes.

ISSEI: Really? What killed them?

KING KAI: Let me check. (checks Wikipedia entry) Let's see here. "Stupid monkeys hit by falling rocks. Hahahahahahaha! P.S. Freeza rules you." That doesn't seem right-

ISSEI: Bored now. Let's get back to training, King Kai!

KING KAI: (lets out an exasperated sigh)

"Even in another reality, Wikipedia ruins minds!" Azazel grumbles.

"I had heard you were not a fan." Michael interjected. "But I did not think you were this much against the website."

"Let's just say that some of the corrections I have made were rejected or undone by dumbasses who don't know what they are talking about." was the only think the Fallin Angel had to say.

(scene changes to Master Azazel's Island)

NARRATOR: And so, one year has passed- the characters who actually did anything in the last series, but not in this one, have finally found themselves of use and have summoned the Eternal Dragon to wish back their fallen comrade, Issei!

"That was mean." Asia pouted.

SONA: I don't get it. Why are we doing this again?

MASTER AZAZEL: Because my sister, Baba, told us to.

(Yu-Long gets summoned)

"So instead of the magic dragon Shenron, we get the magic dragon Yu-Long." Issei mused.

"Makes sense." Ddraig spoke out loud. "He's known as the Mischievous Dragon King because of his magic skills."

YU-LONG: You have summoned the eternal dragon. Make your wish and I'll-(recognizes Master Azazel, Sona, and Oolong, with disdain) Oh, God, it's you guys again. Can't anyone else find these damn things?! Ah, screw it, whatever, what do you want?

"You know, this actually makes you think a bit on the fact that they are the ones always using the balls and summoning him all the time." Irina contemplated.

"Yeah, but before, they weren't being used much." Issei added. "So, it's kind of a mixed bag if you ask me."

MASTER AZAZEL: There are two horrible Saiyans coming to our planet and we need Issei to be brought back to life in order to defeat them.

YU-LONG: Really? You know you could, um, just wish me–a magical dragon–to send them into an asteroid field. One crossed wire and BOOM, right in the sun!

"Go on and try it." Vali smirked. "I'll survive all right.

MASTER AZAZEL: (insistently) No, you see, as long as we have Issei, we'll be fine.

YU-LONG: (puzzled) Right... Yeah, okay, fine, whatever, I'll grant your wish. Just don't come crying to me when half your stupid asses get killed! Ah, who am I kidding? You will.

His comment made the experienced Dragon Ball fans wince a bit, knowing what was going to happen next.

(Yu-Long's eyes starts to glow and then the scene changes to King Kai's planet, with Issei's halo disappearing)

ISSEI: Hey, King Kai, I'm alive again!

KING KAI: Yes, and you've conveniently learned the Kaio-ken and the Spirit Bomb off-screen. Now get the f*k off my planet!

ISSEI: Alright, and thank you, King Kai, for all the training. It'll be a hard fight when I return to Earth, but now, I'm truly confident-

KING KAI: GO HOME!

ISSEI: 'Kay, bye! (flies off King Kai's planet)

(silence as King Kai, Gregory, and Bubbles watch Issei leave)

KING KAI: (sudden realization) Oh, God, what have I done?! I'm all alone again!

"You're own fault dumbass." Azazel chuckled.

BUBBLES: (subtitled) Well, good sir, you've still my modest company. How about I grab us some tea and some quiet music and we-

KING KAI: Shut up, Bubbles!

GREGORY: Well, I'm still here for you, sir.

KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory!

BOJACK: Yarr, You've still have-

KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack!

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(scene shifts on Earth in a barren wasteland)

"Oh! It's us again father!" Millicas cheered, bringing smiles to his parents. "We finally get to show up!"

SIRZECHS: All right, runt, your training is complete. Now you and I will take over the worl-

MICHAEL: (telepathically) Hello? Hello?

"Wait, Michael can talk to me through telepathy!" Sirzechs exclaimed.

"Oh right." Issei nodded. "Piccolo and Kami could do that."

SIRZECHS: (telepathically) Ugh. What is it, old man?

MICHAEL: (telepathically) I just wanted to check in and make sure you were ready for the Saiyans.

SIRZECHS: (telepathically) Ready for the what now?

"Oh...right." Sirzechs sweat dropped. "This version of was doing it to turn Millicas into a warrior of conquest."

MICHAEL: (telepathically) Didn't Ms. Ophis tell you? There are two Saiyans headed towards the Earth as we speak. Both several times more powerful than the last one you faced. They should be landing pretty soon- within a few days, in fact.

SIRZECHS: New plan, Millicas, we're going to kick some Saiyan ass!

MILLICAS: Um, okay?

(silence)

SIRZECHS: (telepathically) You're still there, aren't you?

MICHAEL: (telepathically) I'm just so lonely...

SIRZECHS: (out loud) Get out of my head!

The audience laughed at Sirzechs basically yelling at himself.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. Also, we are currently looking into ways to do the "Make a Man out of You" parody. We can't find a transcript that has the scenes already typed up, but maybe it could be worth it to type them up ourselves. Plus, it would be just for a song.

That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!