Cringeworthy
Severus was in hell.
It was their fifth anniversary dinner, and Lily had decided that they ought to go out on a double date with the Pettigrews, which Severus had staunchly opposed. He suggested they go out with the Blacks instead, but Lily vehemently refused; even when he suggested Remus and Marlene, she wouldn't budge.
And now, having been soundly defeated, Severus was forced to sit across the table from Peter and Petunia fucking Pettigrew.
"More wine, Pet-Pet?"
"Of course, Pet-Pet!"
The two of them chortled as Peter poured a glass for Petunia, and Severus's eyes darted around; yes, there were people at some of the other tables who were looking at them with confusion or irritation. He stared down at his plate, calming himself with Occlumency as he cut his steak and took a slow, meticulous bite.
"How's Dudley?" Lily asked, clearly enjoying the sight of her sister and... Severus didn't want to entertain the thought of calling Peter fucking Pettigrew his in-law.
"He's been having 'accidents'," Peter said meekly, although a glance at his wife caused a smile to spread rapidly up his fat cheeks. "Although that's always a good sign, isn't it?"
Lily's eyes lit up, which was Severus's only comfort throughout this whole ordeal. "He's really...?"
"Of course!" Petunia said primly. "He comes from good stock."
"Give me some credit, Pet-Pet," Peter said with a sickening display of sarcasm.
"I was, Pet-Pet." Petunia leaned over and shared what Muggles called an 'eskimo kiss' with... her husband.
Severus almost felt like vomiting. More people were looking at them queerly, and there were whispers among themselves about who was the strangest: the love-sick, horse-faced woman, the love-sick fat man, the darkly-dressed hippie, or the woman who seemed to be married to the darkly-dressed hippie.
"Harry and Nev still have those occasionally," Lily was saying. "The best thing to do is redirect their energy so they don't break anything."
"Learned that the hard way," Severus muttered, taking a large sip of wine.
"More wine, Brother-Mine?" Peter asked, holding up the bottle.
... it took too much self-restraint not to leap over the table and throttle the rat to death. "If you would," Severus said calmly as Peter poured. He would open another bottle when they returned home.
"How are the girls?" Petunia asked.
"Alice is trying to teach Marley how to speak," Lily said with a smirk. "Oh, Alice made us breakfast pasties the other day. Sev was so proud of her!"
Severus felt his face heat up as he gulped down the glass of wine in his hand.
"Well," Petunia replied, "I'm glad she paid attention to Aunt Tuney's cooking class."
Severus was in hell.