Severus and Ron Take the Wrong Potion

Divorce hadn't been kind to Ronald Weasley's hairline in the past few months, nor had it helped him keep the extra weight off his stomach until Miles offered him a house and job at Cokey's & Railview. The job wasn't too dissimilar to what Ronald was most likely accustomed to as a stay-at-home parent; on nights when he had to work the next day, he'd stay in his room at the Railview (the sole employee living quarters there) and finish his housekeeping duties at 5:00 PM so he could visit Snape Glen and spend time with Hugo (who'd decided to move in with his father after graduation). The Weasleys of Number 4 Widow's Lane were a welcome addition to the community Severus had sponsored. However, the visitations from Harry and Ginevra put Miles on edge (Marley had spoken to him, and the two had come to an arrangement where Miles wasn't required to communicate with Ginevra).

One consequence of this new development was the greater frequency of cookouts in the backyard (more specifically, centered around the backyard of Number 3 Spinner's End). Dudley and Lavender had gifted the house to both Peter and Enid after Peter's graduation, and Peter (being Dudley's son) had fallen in love with American BBQ. Besides Miles, Thomas was the best cook in the Glen, and the eldest Glenn boy had spent some time helping Peter with barbecue and smoking techniques. Hugo had also grown fond of it, and his participation had helped him improve his cooking for when he would eventually work with Thomas, Peter, and his father at Cokey's & Railview.

When the three weren't tending the grill (which was quite some time, given what they would prepare for everyone) and when Molly Joanne was visiting, they would have one of their meetings for the board game they were developing together. From what Little Mary had told him (because she tended to sit on Thomas's lap during some of the meetings), Thomas was the lead writer, Peter was the lead artist (Severus never realized the former Quidditch jock enjoyed art), Hugo was the lead marketer (mostly using his connections with Fred and George), and Molly Joanne was the lead gameplay mechanics designer. It was on one of these days that everyone was out in their backyards, the back gates open for the occasion as people came to Number 3 for the meat they'd brought Peter to prepare for them. Lily had encouraged Severus to come along so their grandsons and great-nephew could prepare a roast chicken for their Sunday dinner, which happened to be the exact same idea Ronald had.

And this resulted in Severus and Lily sitting at the same table as Ronald, Thomas, Little Mary, Hugo, Peter, and Molly Joanne, while the other children were off wandering the riverbank.

"So, your Dexterity modifier stays the same?" Thomas asked Molly Joanne as he flipped through her notes on his iFloo, bouncing Little Mary on his knee while scratching Nana's head.

"Right," Molly Joanne replied. "But you also gain bonus Movement Speed equal to five times your modifier, even if the modifier is negative. Armor affects this as well."

"That's something I wanted to ask about," Hugo said. "You changed how armor works-"

"We might have to change the names, but I'll just give a quick summary. Armor doesn't make you harder to hit anymore, but it reduces incoming damage from non-magical bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage. And then your Constitution modifier acts as flat damage reduction for all incoming non-magical damage, at least unless you pick a certain sub-class."

"What about Unarmored Defense?" Thomas asked.

Severus was scrolling through his own iFloo (a post-graduate gift from Sharon) to review Molly Joanne's notes, although he'd had to pull on opposing corners of the device to expand it into its tablet form. It had been her idea to provide some educational value to their game by modeling every single magical element after real life, and it was Severus's unofficial job to act as a consultant (Molly Joanne had offered him payment, but he reminded her that she was his granddaughter). He was allowed to mark notes down on each spell and potion (and potion ingredient), which had become less frequent as she'd made edits based on his feedback.

"How's the grading going?" Lily asked teasingly.

"So far, she's earned an E." Severus, stylus between his fingers, took a sip of his water, hoping it would help with the heartburn he was trying to mask.

Ronald held back a burp. "Excuse me."

"You alright, Dad?" Hugo asked.

"Heartburn," Ronald replied, digging into his coat pocket. "Must've forgotten my potion at home."

"Want me to get it?"

"Thanks, mate. Top shelf, third from the right."

Hugo went back to Number 4 while Ronald picked up another hot wing.

"Would you like some water?" Lily asked, pulling out a bottle from the cooler.

"That'd be lovely." Ronald took the bottle and took a sip.

"Sev has the same reaction," Lily continued.

"Thank you for announcing that to the world," Severus said bitterly.

"Oh, come now, it's normal," Lily chided. "Did you remember to take anything before?"

"... damn," Severus muttered; he'd been too busy preparing the drinks for everyone.

"You can have half of mine," Ronald offered. "There's two doses per vial; just mix it in with water."

Hugo soon returned with the vial of heartburn medication, handing it to Ronald, who then mixed half of it into his bottle of water before offering it to Lily.

"Lily-"

"It's fine for one day," Lily said, mixing the liquid into Severus's water. "Here."

Severus looked down at the concoction with uncertainty before finally relenting under Lily's stare, drinking it all down in seven gulps. "Thank you for sharing," Severus said reluctantly.

"It's nothing, headmaster," Ronald replied.

Roughly ten minutes passed, Severus still grading Molly Joanne's notes while he listened to her talk about the different "classes" for the game, before he felt his bowels move. This wasn't the typical bowel movement he was accustomed to; there was an uncomfortable heat building in his abdomen.

"Sev?" Lily touched Severus's arm. "Is something the matter?"

"What?"

"Your face is all scrunched."

"Sorry, I-"

Ronald let out a slow breath, hunching forward a bit. "I think I have to use the loo," he said as he got up.

"Peter's in there right now," Hugo reminded his father.

"I'll head to the-" Ronald let out a grunt.

"Dad?"

"Hugo, are you sure you got the right vial?"

"Top shelf, third from the left."

"... what?!" Ronald's voice was filled with panic. "I said 'third from the right'!"

"What's happened?" Molly Joanne asked.

"Nothing-" Ronald grunted again. "I'll be right back."

Everyone watched as Ronald waddled back to Number 4, stiffly opening the back door and leaving it ajar.

"... Severus, are you alright?" Lily asked, now more worried.

Severus, feeling the pressure get to him, turned his head in the direction of his house, which was five doors down...