authorsnote: sry got in a lil funk with this one, but I'm back and its getting ... interesting
also thank you - brat and it's completely different but still also brat for the songrec that got me through this chapter (and made me cry)
enjoy
songrec: I might say something stupid - charli xcx ft the 1975 & jon hopkins
Alas, they couldn't stay in their little bubble forever.
Draco wished they could, like he'd never wished for anything before. He wished they could remain lying across this bed, tangled in one another arms, Hermione close enough he could breathe her in, know she was safe, hear her pulse, feel her warm skin, smell her even, could know she was safe and comfortable, with him.
This, this was what his wolf had been craving, and in that moment it didn't matter that it was a parasite, unwanted, right now, for the first real time since he'd been bitten he felt at peace with it, he felt at peace with himself.
This felt right in a way nothing ever had, not even from before.
Nothing had ever felt this right, nothing close, and he knew deep down it was more than the wolf.
He looked across the bed, the books across it, subjects they had a joint interest in, the discussions they'd had about obscure potions theory, wand lore and ancient runes translations, the way their mind often found the same conclusion, worked in the same way, the acknowledgement it had probably always been this way, Draco had just been to blind to see it.
Too blind to see what was right there, too stupid, too bigoted to see what he had, right there in the Castle with him, who.
Her.
Her brilliance, her wonder, her.
And now he had her, he'd protect her with his life, he'd die for her.
But it was more than that, so much more. He wanted her, he needed her, she was everything he had been taught to hate, but he acknowledged in that moment, having snatched the few hours of sleep he could grasp at, she was someone he could come to love, or already did.
His head hurt from the thought, panic clawing up his spine, to love was weakness, to love meant getting hurt, it meant loss, and yet he didn't think he had much of a choice, that had been taken from him in this, just like everything else.
All there was left was her, no autonomy, no choice, no ability to shield his heart. Just her.
The most precious thing he'd ever been given, and as she stirred, dawn breaking through the artificial windows, he promised himself he would never break her.
Death take him first.
"How long have you known?"
Hermione knew she needn't feel defensive, Professor Dumbledore was looking at them with kind eyes. They'd arrived only minutes earlier, forcing themselves through mutual agreement to attend the meeting they'd missed the day before, as soon as they'd arrived at the Headmasters office the gargoyle had let them up, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape had been summoned as the Headmaster had offered them tea, Hermione had accepted, Draco had asked for coffee.
She didn't know he liked coffee, a more obscure beverage in the Wizarding World.
She tried not to dwell on the fact she'd spent the night in his arms, breathing him in, the most peaceful sleep she'd perhaps ever experienced, or that she'd spent the night before that in a different way in his arms, experiencing a pleasure she hadn't known possible, and yet she didn't know his preferred morning beverage.
It dawned on her then, as she sipped her tea, as Malfoy sipped his coffee and their Heads of Houses arrived, just how little they knew each other as Hermione and Draco, not enemies in Gryffindor and Slytherin, not as the tropes their Houses dictated them as, not as them.
Not as the two people who'd spent a day together, Draco playing with her hair, Hermione so content in his lap she wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
A kind of contentment she'd never known.
Would she ever know it without him?
"Miss Granger?" The Headmaster asked causing her to jump, he offered her a kind smile, her mind had wondered at the very first question, Professor McGonagall offered her a kind smile as she flanked the Headmasters desk to his left, Professor Snape to his right, mirroring their charges. Draco made no effort to answer, he was glaring at everyone, ignoring Professor Snape glaring at him.
It was for her to answer, and try not to be defensive.
"About five to six weeks, since the first day on the train" She answered nervously, the authority of the Headmaster and her teachers urged her to answer, and yet she felt an odd loyalty to keeping it secret between her and Draco. Something in her was telling her to hold back, that this was just for them, no one else.
This was their bond, their secret, not for anyone else.
Illogical, and yet she was white knuckled, hands clasped together, as her brain screamed at her to listen, to keep quiet, this wasn't for anyone but her and Draco.
"And you're sure it's a soulbond?" The Headmaster asked patiently, Hermione could only nod, Draco scoffed.
"Be respectful" Professor Snape snapped, but the Headmaster just held up a hand, there was something in his gaze, no Grandfatherly twinkle, but worry.
Worry not just for her, but for Draco too.
"I'm sure" Draco replied, and threw back the rest of his coffee, he didn't wince at the bitter taste, placed it down, Professor Dumbledore only nodded, Dracos two words were enough to convince him, he turned back to her with a smile, he knew where he'd get her answers from.
Her hands were red from squeezing them together, fighting her instincts, wanting to run, wanting to cry, but wanting to understand. Could the Headmaster help them? Or should she listen and shut up?
Draco remained emotionless, not a hint on his features, she envied him for that.
"And what effects have you noticed?" The Headmaster asked.
It was then Draco reached across, took one hand in his, she could see the shock on their Heads faces, their gazes going to their joined hands, Hermiones own eyes widened but something soothed in her, to see him do it so publicly, relatively, did he not care? Or did he just care about comforting her more?
Was he trying to tell her to stop talking? She glanced at him, he squeezed her hand, that was enough.
"We like to be near each other" She wasn't stupid, she wanted help, but her brain, was it the bond? Draco's hand on hers? Was screaming at her to stop, did the bond feel threatened by the people in this room? Or did it just want secrecy? Either way, she couldn't lie, not to the teachers, but she could certainly not be as forthcoming as she should be. Draco's hand in hers as she spoke, a thumb running up and down her knuckles told her she was right.
This was theirs, and theirs alone.
"We want to be near each other all the time" She continued as the Headmaster nodded, prompting, "And Draco feels very protective of me"
"Evidently" Professor Snape said, no doubt thinking back to Dracos outburst in his class, had that only been a week ago? Two? She couldn't remember, it felt like the days were blurring together, one endless day, sleep didn't break them apart anymore.
"Not just of my safety, but my wellbeing too" She continued, Draco squeezed again, almost communicating with her, no more on that topic, she nodded, turned to look at him, he couldn't leave her alone in this.
"It's the wolf" He offered, he didn't show a hint of emotion as he spoke, she couldn't read a word, "The instincts are strong, typical for a wolf, but the soul bond just amplifies them, the need to protect, to care for" He said it through gritted teeth, this was harder to share for him as well; the bond telling him? Or perhaps he did care?
She didn't know, she wanted to be alone with him again, if anything just to figure out what they were supposed to do.
They'd spent a day in sanctuary, hiding away from the world, that was over now, now they had to face reality.
"Its easier, sleeping next to each other" Hermione offered again, all eyes swiveled back to her, "In the library we've napped together" She hurried to say, though Professor McGonagalls eyebrows might be in her hairline, she winced, "And we wake up feeling better, healthier, more … comfortable"
It was comfortable and uncomfortable but she didn't know how to explain that.
Another squeeze of her hand, she nodded, fell silent.
"And what about how Professors McGonagall and Snape discovered you?" The Headmaster said tactfully, all of the blood rushed back into Hermiones cheeks, pale to red rosey cheeked with embarrassment, she was just thankful they likely wouldn't write to her parents, Malfoy probably was more so.
Though she remembered Narcissa then, had that only been 24 hours ago? Their sanctuary had felt like days, and yet she missed it with an ache already.
Was that what the soulbond wanted? The two of them hidden away together?
Was it bad that part of her wanted that too? Or was this another case of not knowing where the soulbonded started and ended?
Was her head going to explode from fullness?
"I…" Hermione stumbled, Draco continued to stroke her hand, she knew, they had to explain this, "I felt his worry during the full moon" A lie, she'd been the worried one, she'd been the one whos body had hurled her at Draco, her mind flooded with panic, consequences be damned, but this felt like an easier option, "I felt worried, anxious, and I just …" She paused, no squeeze, just a firm steady grip, a stroke over her thumb, that gave her what she needed for the next half lie, "I needed to be with him, it didn't matter, I needed to be with him"
"And Mr Malfoy you felt the same?" Professor Dumbledore asked, turning to Draco, Professor Snape turned too, Hermione tried not to focus on the fact Professor McGonagall continued to look at her, her gaze only flicking to their joined hands, worry clouded her gaze, did Hermiones match?
"More" He admitted, and she turned to him then, wide eyed, he hadn't said, "I felt like I needed to be with her more than I've ever needed anything" He turned to look at her then, and she saw gold flicker across his gaze, why was he saying this? "Ever"
There was no hint of a lie on his lips.
"Well" The Headmaster said, "Thank you for your honesty"
Hermione tried not to squirm, did the Headmaster know? That the bond had screamed at her to keep her truths light and her lies peppered throughout? To not reveal just how deep the bond ran? Was that the bond or her or Draco, or all three?
And why had Draco said that; 'I felt like I needed to be with her more than I've ever needed anything, ever' why reveal when he'd been right there with her to listen to instinct and hide?
"We will have to look for a potential solution" The Headmaster said, both teenagers (because that was what they were, everyone forgot that), looked in panic, the first hint of an emotion on Dracos face, Hermione looked close to tears, no lies now, but Professor Dumbledore offered them a smile, it was sad, "I don't mean to the bond, I imagine that runs too deep now" Why did that offer relief instead of worry? Why did the Headmaster see that on them? "I mean to ensuring you placate the bond, and keep it hidden, I presume that's what you want?" He asked, and there was a sharpness in his gaze then, how much did he know? How much didn't he?
"Yes" Hermione said a touch too quickly, a squeeze of her hand, "That's what we want"
Or was it what the bond wanted? And if so, why?
They left the Headmasters office, hand in hand, with a promise of missives from their Heads of House by the evening, perhaps a schedule, a room to spend time in together, they'd been shooed away to let the adults decide, Hermione had wanted to protest, but Draco had nodded, swept her away, and she had followed.
She would always follow.
"What was that?" She whispered as they left, and Draco just shook his head, it was early but people milled in the far corridors, and more emerged from their common rooms, any privacy of their sanctuary was over, and she knew they couldn't hide for another day.
"Meet me later" He offered, she nodded, he took a step towards her but a gaggle of voices coming around the corner stopped them both.
There were more than one reasons to hide, even if it hurt Hermiones heart to think why.
At least Draco leaned in, hesitated but he quickly brushed his cheek to her lips, she wondered if she'd have felt the warmth their if not for the bond.
She supposed she'd never know.
"I will" She promised, he nodded and turned away just as a group of Ravenclaws emerged into the corridor, though, even as she hurried to breakfast, greeted an early waking Harry and Ron (and she was touched by their worry), she could only dwell on how Draco had dropped her hand, and how she wished he didn't have to.
Did he feel the same?
And was the ache in her chest the bond? Or something else entirely?
so thoughts?
we move on, and its going to get tricky.
also yes this whole story has taken place over like 5/6 weeks, thats the point, this is INTENSE
but we will be speeding towards yule, how will our bbys handle that? and potentially being apart? we shall see
do review/do follow, speak soon(er)