[MATTIE!
I write this as a NOT single man! You'll never fucking guess!
Okay maybe you'll guess but guess what I'm no longer all bi myself!
Long story short Gil got told some pretty important info FROM Francis and since I had ALSO told him some pretty important info ABOUT Francis ages ago but obviously still relevant Gil did some math and told Toni and then they schemed. The thing Francis told Gil was that he LIKES ME BACK and apparently had for a long long time, like before we graduated SCHOOL. He just never told Gil about it cus you know how Gil has a crush on you and how that's working out lol (he still thinks he's cursed too) and Francis was trying to flirt but I just thought that's how he usually was and when I told him I liked him and I was simping he just thought I was usually that nice to everyone because I'm a hype friend it's so ugh! Because we've missed out on YEARS because we're idiots! It's actually really funny though and I'm still tingly from it so I won't be complaining.
Anyways what happened was when I got to Toni's they kinda locked us in the basement and Gil suspiciously said he'd let us out if we talked to each other. We both thought that Gil was trying to force us onto each other until Lovi said it as it was (as usual, but can't complain this time) saying it was apparently obvious we wanted each other and now we're together! Hooray!
I'm still so excited my face hurts from smiling and I keep breaking out in a smile whenever I just think about it!
Anyways Arthur doesn't know yet so I'm thinking of giving him a heart attack ( อก อส อก)
You know what they say, show don't tell!
Or maybe I could just gaslight him by not hiding it and then when he asks pretend I don't know what he's talking about.
Ahhhhh so many good ideas I'm going to text Francis about it because I just know he'll be on board and we'll scheme and poor poor Arthur will have a heart attack!
Lots of love from Alfred!]
[Hey Mattie
Your anniversary is coming up again and I can't believe it's been so long.
I know I'm never gonna see you again but sometimes when I look in the mirror there's a split second where I think I see you and then my whole day is ruined. Since you left I've made sure to keep my hair short and I haven't changed my style. If I do then I make sure to never wear something I can picture you in. Otherwise I might hurt everyone else. They wouldn't tell me if they did but do you think they look at me and see you and get hurt?
Anyways writing this took 15 minutes because it's actually been a hard week. I can't stop thinking about the whys and what ifs and it's bringing me down. Imma go check in on Arthur now.
Hope you can forgive me 3 Al]
[Matthew,
Today marks the third year without you. I know Alfred says that writing letters helps but I just can't bring myself to sit and think about you for too long. That sort of thing is reserved for showering and insomnia exclusively.
I miss you. I wish you were still in our lives and I would've liked to see you finish growing up and even beyond that. I know it may have seemed like I had favourites but I promise you I love you so very much. That won't change. I hope you still think of us wherever you are and still have some fond memories. I struggle to remind myself of the good times and I know we took them for granted. I'd give anything to apologise to you.
With love,
Arthur]
It was his birthday, which was just another day as far as Arthur was concerned. He wouldn't have noticed it if it wasn't for Alfred's energetic insistence that he do something to celebrate...
So after a big night, Arthur dragged himself through his usual routine the next day and it was completely routine when he checked the mailbox -
A postcard. Everything stopped as Arthur tentatively pulled it out. He kept repeating 'Don't get your hopes up don't get your hopes up' as he brought it up and immediately looked to the back.
It read: Happy birthday Arthur 3
There was no signature, no return address and it was the same handwriting as the last mysterious postcard. And that postcard had the same handwriting as Matthew.
The front of the card had a nice geometrical design. Arthur didn't know what to make of it as he stumbled back into the house with his sights set on the card as he called out for Alfred with a breaking voice.
A card for Alfred's milestone birthday had been a miracle and Arthur didn't expect something like this to happen twice. But now he was holding a card sent to him from his missing baby brother and Arthur couldn't keep his composure.
Hours later Alfred and Arthur were sharing a bed and staring at the ceiling.
"Do you think these postcards mean he still loves us?" Alfred whispered.
"It was signed with a heart, I can only assume we're meant to take it at face value," Arthur whispered back, his tender voice breaking.
"So does that mean he forgives us?" Alfred's voice was hopeful yet pleading, like he wanted to believe it but he needed his older brother's input.
Arthur didn't think that was the case. You could love someone yet never forgive them. Even if Matthew's always been mature beyond his years (a sign of something wrong that Arthur missed because of convenience), it didn't ensure anything. It could even mean that Matthew knew he couldn't forgive them and could only love them from a distance. They could only assume how Matthew felt.
"I don't know. We'll have to see what happens in the future. At the very least it means he hasn't forgotten us."
Alfred didn't like the feeling of time passing. Sure, he had things to look forward to in the future, but as the days started to add up he'd look back and suddenly things would fall into perspective.
A year wasn't as long as it used to be. Instead of being some giant monolithic unit of measuring time... it had passed all too quickly. Slipped by.
Now there was another way he could measure time. Alfred sat at his desk, perched on his chair with his legs hanging off the armrest with the other one digging into his back while he flipped through the pages of his journal that held the chronicles of letters.
There was a brief rap on his bedroom door before Arthur came in.
"I didn't even answer," Alfred snapped the book shut and threw an arm over the back of the chair to greet Arthur. "What if I had been getting changed or something, ya perv."
"You should've shrieked if I was about to violate your privacy," Arthur stated plainly as he dipped a tea bag in and out of the mug that was just permanently fixed to his hand.
"So if I don't make a noise it's okay for you to come in?"
Arthur just shrugged as he sipped on his tea, but furrowed his eyebrows when his eyes landed on the journal Alfred was holding.
"What's that? It doesn't look like homework."
"It's um," Alfred grabbed it tightly and flipped it so it was facing Arthur. "It's those letters I told you about. Since I can't send them I figured I'd keep them in a book."
Arthur hummed in acknowledgement as he stepped forward.
"So you're writing instead of your homework?" Arthur chided, though it was all in good teasing. "I suppose I can let that slide."
"Thanks for your approval," Alfred rolled his eyes. "So where do you keep yours then?"
"In a drawer. In my desk," Arthur lowered his mug. "Tucked in a protective envelope."
"Noice," Alfred nodded as he set the journal on his desk. His fingertips lingered on it.
"Do you write a lot?" Arthur asked quietly.
"Yeah... at least one a week but sometimes it's one a day..." Alfred leaned back into the chair and looked questioningly at Arthur. "You?"
"Whenever I feel like it," Arthur muttered, pursing his lips when Alfred gave him a look. "A few a month."
"That's not that much," Alfred frowned and Arthur pulled a face to match.
"It's my prerogative to write as much or little as I want," Arthur's tone was defensive towards the unsaid criticism of Alfred. "I don't have to justify anything to you."
"I never said you did," Alfred retorted. "But aren't you just as fucked up about him gone as I am?"
"It's not a competition."
"I'm not saying it is!" Alfred gestured widely with frustration. "Just- No one paid attention to him before and that was the problem and now we're just-"
"Oh, this is just your fight with Gilbert all over again, isn't it." Arthur sighed and stuck a hand on his hip. "There's no putting up with you when you're like this."
Alfred grunted with frustration and Arthur turned to leave but paused in the doorway.
"But since it matters so much to you," Arthur said pointedly. "Rest assured, there is no correlation to how much or how little I write to how often he is in my thoughts."
Arthur walked out of the room and Alfred felt like shit. He balled his hands and grit his teeth.
A few moments later, he was picking up a pen and writing a new letter. Maybe he'd apologise to Arthur later because he knew his brother was right. He knew it but it still never felt right.
A day after his 22nd birthday came another postcard. This time it had some Renaissance art on the front. Nothing that hinted at the sent location. Still unsigned and again, no return address. Message: Happy birthday Alfred 3
Alfred was ecstatic and empty. A weird combo. He didn't expect to get another card. He felt that by expecting it he'd jinx himself somehow. Yet here in his hand was proof that his twin brother was still alive and still cared for him. That Matthew hadn't forgotten them.
He ran inside to show his older brother.
Alfred ignored Arthur's quiet sniffling when he turned to make himself tea after being shown the card. Alfred stopped himself from mentioning that Arthur already had a mug of tea.
He texted Francis, something that wasn't an unusual occurrence by any means but he needed to let Francis know. Alfred opened his texts and the history would've made it look like his own boyfriend forgot his birthday if it wasn't for some important context.
His close friends didn't send him 'Happy Birthday' anymore. Thoughtful, but hardly helpful when his own brain reminded him that his birthday was meant to be shared. And that only a few short years ago he didn't even do that.
So instead of 'happy birthday' Francis had simply texted that his oven didn't work and he'd have to bake some nice treats at Alfred's. An amusing callback to the time when Francis pretended there was something wrong with his oven so he could get back to talking with Alfred every day like they did at school. Alfred was just glad that Francis had found a way or Alfred would've had to be the one to figure something out to keep seeing Francis all the time. Alfred's schemes would've been way more transparent than his ๐ซ๐ธ๐๐ฏ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ท๐ญ'๐ผ, which would've been embarrassing but they would've gotten together so much sooner...
Looking at the time it wouldn't be long until Francis arrived. So Alfred sent the text as a mood warning and took his usual spot by the kitchen counter as he waited for Francis to arrive while running his fingers over the edge of the postcard.
"Don't overthink it," Arthur said as he turned back, more composed with a mug of tea. Alfred had a feeling that his brother's warning advice came from experience.
[Howdy Mattie,
I really hope you sending postcards becomes a tradition and you keep sending letters for every birthday. It's the only reason I look forward to our birthday now!
Also it gives me the perfect reason not to move out because then you won't know where to send the cards! Francis has suggested a couple of times that I could move in with him but why can't he just move in with me? He could share my room or take the spare room. But if he won't move in cus Arthur's here then I can't really blame him lol. No that's mean they're kinda friends now which is good for me.
Anyways I really wish I could tell you happy birthday back. I'm not complaining about the postcard but what I really want for my birthday is you so I can apologise and hug you and make things right. I really really want to make things right.
So happy birthday Mattie, I hope you're spending it doing something you like with people you like and people who like you. I keep thinking about all the birthdays we had together and I'm really upset that we'll never have that again. The nostalgia is killing me because when I think about it, the memory is like a place but I can't actually go visit.
Anyways I love you and I don't want you to think I'm leaving you so I'll be back but I've got dinner plans with Francis tonight and maybe we'll recreate that scene spagetti from Lady and the Tramp, who knows I'm feeling romantical 3~~ I wish you were here to help me get ready for my dates so I'll imagine that you're encouraging me alright?
3 Alfred]
Was it just Alfred, or was his handwriting improving? After writing so many letters for so long, it had to, right? When Alfred compared some of his newer letters to the older ones, he felt a little swell of pride for his penmanship. He didn't really write on paper for anything else, all of his homework and study was done online so his typing speed was unmatched. But somehow from the at least one letter he wrote a week, he had improved his handwriting from nearly illegible to something half decent.
Because it had been so long. Time kept ticking and for the most part, Alfred didn't hear the hand of time moving. He kept living each day and kept moving forward, slowly putting more and more time behind him.
He tried not to overthink it.
[Hi Mattie
Graduation's coming up and I have mixed feelings about it like 'holy shit finally' and 'fuck that means these days are over huh?'.
I wish we could be graduating together but I don't even know if you're studying anything. I wish you would come to my graduation but I have a feeling you won't be able to make it. But I'll still save a seat for you so it's not like you're forgotten. I really hope you'd be proud of me. I know it's been years but I can picture you being proud.
Also I've been thinking about this for a while, like before I got your first postcard but I really wanna get a tattoo of something that means something to us. So that way even though you're gone and probably not coming back, I still have you. I thought Arthur for sure would've told me that it's dumb but he actually said why not? And then told me to make the appointment! He said if he weren't against tattoos (for himself not anyone else thank fuck) he'd get one too. I've got some ideas in mind like maybe a polar bear and a grizzly bear? I don't know I'm gonna brainstorm with everyone later but right now I've gotta do the last of my business work so I can graduate.
3 Alfred]
The days leading to his birthday were spent in anticipation as Alfred kept obsessive tabs on when the post was delivered each day. His work was all but abandoned and he was tripping over himself to check the mailbox every time, until on the day of his 23rd birthday a postcard came.
The writer had no signature or return address, as per usual. The card had a picture of an artistic forest on the front. Every card since the first never contained even a trace of a location and the design was always something generic. Was it so his twin, wanting to remain at a distance, would never be found? Probably.
It left Alfred with an odd feeling. Because Matthew would never come back within reach yet for some reason he would send these postcards. Alfred couldn't think of why.
But he could shove his questions of 'why is Mattie doing this?' 'does that mean he didn't forget us?' and such aside in favour of feverish excitement to add this card to his grand collection now totalling 3! How's that for looking on the bright side?
Okay, he knew it was kinda pathetic but anything from his lost brother was prized. He didn't have much else left from him.
He sat on his bed with the postcard as a finger traced a healing tattoo on the inside of his arm.
The tattoo only used black ink but somehow his and Matthew's part beautifully contrasted. Because they were twins, two of a kind. Something about art and poetry. Who cared, Alfred thought the tattoo looked cool.
On either side of a grizzly bear and polar bear sitting with each other was 'Alfred 3' in Matthew's handwriting and 'Matthew 3' in Alfred's. Alfred's bear and writing were in solid black while Matthew's was in outline.
The handwriting had been Francis' idea and damn was it a good one and then when Alfred had the best idea, as he often does, Francis helped him secure a sample of Arthur's handwriting without his oldest brother learning their intentions. So a line below the twins was a teabag before the words 'Love, Arthur'.
Alfred couldn't keep his eyes off the tattoo because it was perfect. He couldn't refrain himself from quoting Gravity Falls with 'finally, I have them all'. Because he loved both his brothers and just because one was gone doesn't mean he couldn't tattoo the other.
When Arthur asked to see the tattoo when Alfred came home was completely blindsided by his inclusion and Alfred, knowing it was a sensitive moment really had to restrain himself from falling into the pitfall of sibling teasing.
Especially when Arthur used his stupid hanky when he cried. Not teasing had to be a testament to how mature Alfred had become, surely.
[Hey Mattie
I really wish that one day I'd wake up and you'd walk in back home as if all you did was leave for a trip or something. Then you could tell me all about what you did where you went and all that and then I'd tell you everything you missed. I know you don't want to talk to us but I really wish I could send a postcard back.
Also I really wish I could show you my super cool tattoo. I wish I knew how you felt about it. Also if you never left imagine the cool twin tattoos we could get that are matchy matchy and creative. That would've been so cool right?
Also Francis asked me why I always pick up the phone when it calls? Like I know it's probably spam but what if it isn't?! Okay I know I'm being hopeful but I actually didn't realise I was doing it. I know you probably won't call but yk. I can hope even if I KNOW you probably won't. Even if you don't call I hope you know you can.
I still love you, Alfred]
[Miss me Mattie?
I still miss you but at least today's a day where it's just 'it is what it is' instead of rocking back and forth and crying haha.
Francis said I could move out and Arthur could stay and collect the postcard... but I just can't do that. This bird can't leave the nest... Arthur would be lonely and yeah. excuses
Me and Francis are still going strong and it's such a shame I was a coward for so long because we missed out on so much time together but we've got the rest of our lives to make up for it.
I know that on a bad day all the time we're missing out on together will make me really upset but it's just an eh feeling now. But was that how you felt? Did you have more bad days than eh days? I realise you felt like you were missing out as it happened but why didn't you ever say anything?
You probably tried right? but then we just didn't listen. Sometimes at night I do be thinking about everything and then I remember something and go 'oh yeah' and realise and feel more guilty because it's all my fault right? I guess it's not ALL my fault but you must hate me if only after you were driven to run away I realised all the reasons why.
Anyway, I've got some other things I need to do now so I gotta go.
Love ya forever, Alfred]
[Hewwo Mattie
Another year without you. Arthur and I took this day off but we didn't know what to do, we never know what to do tbh. Honestly as the day goes on we go through the 5 thousand stages of grief and fight with each other and then feel okay and then cry. It's a whole event. This year Francis is joining and then he convinced Arthur to turn it into a group event and invite everyone who knew you and was fucked up when you left. Tbh I was kinda against it too because you know, this is about you and if we just start having fun doesn't that prove that it's our fault?
But then it turned out okay because we were all just sad together and then we started talking about all our shared memories with you and I know you don't believe these people are your friends but they convinced me and you can trust me. I know you don't trust me and it's not your fault. I took you for granted and I assumed you'd always be my best friend without me being yours. I am so sorry.
I love you and I'm sorry that I never made you believe it, Alfred]
"Actually," Alfred sighed contentedly with his hands on his hips as the warm sun hit his back, "just imagine how great this would be with all our friends."
"It would..." Francis admitted as he ran an arm across Alfred's shoulders and leaned into him. "But it's nice to be just us now."
"Yeah, definitely," Alfred agreed before enthusiastically dropping onto the picnic mat below, pulling his ๐ซ๐ธ๐๐ฏ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ท๐ญ down with him. "Now we can relax after everything that's been going on recently."
'Everything' being the anniversary a week ago. That was always a doozy time of the year. Alfred didn't want to think about it now.
"Yeah, relaxing sounds nice," Alfred said as he laid back and threw an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the sun, glancing fondly at his ๐ซ๐ธ๐๐ฏ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ท๐ญ laying beside him. "But another time we could all get together and have a picnic."
"Another time," Francis repeated, "but until then, we should try to enjoy this date. It's my job to make sure you're feeling better~"
"I always feel better after we go on a date," Alfred said sappily, trying his best to be all romantical despite knowing there was no way he could ever outdo Francis.
"Good. We should drink to that," Francis smiled as he reached into the picnic basket and brought out two glasses and a wrapped-up bottle of something. He then went on to explain what exactly he brought in a lot of fancy detail that went all over Alfred's head.
"That means absolutely nothing to me but I'll drink it anyways cus you brought it."
"So trusting, I'm flattered you trust me to have good taste," Francis cooed as he uncorked it and poured the glasses. "But I'll have you know, my good taste doesn't stop at cuisine."
Francis leaned in close and let his hair brush against Alfred's face as he pressed his lips against warm skin to get his message across. Alfred laughed and ignored how his face heated up. Even though they were dating he still couldn't not react to the sappy shit Francis said and did. He was just so over the top! It made Alfred want to both compete and also shrivel up because it just made him so flustered. Option one was hardly an option because there was no competition with his ๐ซ๐ธ๐๐ฏ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ท๐ญ's charm, but he had to try anyway.
"Okay, well, that means I have good taste too," Alfred flirted back but it came out more like a childish retort. He'd have to really work on his romantic skills and level up before he made Francis blush.
"I know you have good taste," Francis leaned in close and put his lips close to Alfred's ear. "And you taste good too~"
Alfred went completely red as Francis trailed his fingers along his lips. The implication was obvious.
"Oh my God," he whined, completely flustered. "Arthur would have a fucking seizure if he was here."
"It's fortunate he's not here then," Francis added as he sat back and held up his wine glass. "To our good taste."
Alfred was still red as their glasses clinked. Hanging out with his ๐ซ๐ธ๐๐ฏ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ท๐ญ always relieved the stress from his shoulders.
[Matthew,
I can only hope that this will become routine because it made my day. I couldn't ask for a better birthday present. Thank you for the postcard, it's nice to know that you're still alive out in the big world, somewhere, and that you haven't forgotten about us. I would understand if you did but selfishly I'm so afraid that one day you will forget and we'll never hear from you again.
I thought that Alfred's birthday was hard because it's your birthday too and I always wondered if you felt like you were neglected on your own special day. But now I'm discovering that my birthday is just as difficult. You always somehow found the time to make a cake for me and wish me happy birthday and now that you're gone Alfred's stepped up to the challenge. It's been disastrous and if you were here I'm sure you'd be teasing Alfred as you made everything right.
Thinking of you,
Love, Arthur
3]
[Howdy Mattie
I've been pumping out so many of these letters it isn't funny. The longer time goes on the more okay I get with you having left, but it's still something I'll never get over. I know it's the same for Arthur. He adapted better but I know he wants his family fixed.
Anyways me and Francis keep talking about our hypothetical wedding. We're not actually planning on getting married (yet) but it's fun to talk about the details and picture them. Anyway, if we ever have a real wedding in the future I'll save you a seat. Even if you don't show up I'll put Kuma there or something. I'd like for you to be my best man and in another timeline maybe you would be, but you're kinda flaky (ha ha) so it looks like Arthur might have to be my best man (ugh /joking). Please come back so you can be my best man and not Arthur. I'll even throw in buying you a lifetime supply of maple syrup! Yes I'm bribing you so you better send me another postcard to let me know~
Anyways my 24th (well OUR 24th) is coming up so I can't wait for another postcard. My collection is growing and it gives me something from you to keep. I'm kinda upset you cleaned out your whole room so well cus now I have nothing of yours too keep.
Do you think about us often? Even if it's not with crippling sadness or hatred, do you just think about us if you're bored or something? Because you had a whole life here you must right? Well in case you're curious, update time!
So since I've graduated business has been booming but I'm thinking maybe I should try to branch out and work on my own. That way I can have more freedom with my outside life. Coincidentally Francis is looking to get his own restaurant and he told me he'd need someone to do the budgets and marketing and books and stuff so hmmm maybe I'll try and make that work. Plus I could take on other clients and stuff cus I've done some good networking and maybe even work from home and bug Arthur some more lol.
And Arthur's doing fine as always. He's actually at Antonio's tonight because for some reason those two make good friends, who knew? At least that gives Arthur someone to talk to when he isn't being a workaholic.
Love, Alfred]
It's the eve of his 24th birthday when the postcard arrives. Alfred would be crushed if this tradition was to suddenly stop but all fears were erased as he held the card in his hand.
Same handwriting as all the rest, unsigned no return address. Read - Happy birthday Alfred 3
The design was a photo of 'The Rockies' that looked absolutely majestic and completely cinematic. It was certainly tiers above the previous ones sent - not that he didn't value the others. Alfred took his time to appreciate his now favourite card so far as he stuck the card to his mirror with all the others.
"That is a very nice picture," Francis hummed as he pulled Alfred close. "It looks like a work of art."
"Yeah," Alfred said softly, before turning with a sly smirk and grabbing a hold of his ๐ซ๐ธ๐๐ฏ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ท๐ญ. It was time to try and be smooth. "That makes two pieces of art in my room."
"Non, three," Francis corrected before pulling him into a kiss.
Like Alfred said, there was no competing with Francis.
[Howdy Mattie
Business is booming! Me and Francis are now business partners! It's not really because he worked hard (even though he did) but somehow he finessed the right opportunities and now he has his own restaurant! So we're gonna dine in to go celebrate just the two of us ~~
Anyways my business things have been going good too. I also manage other people's finances and advise marketing stuff and that ended up being pretty good for me because I can do all this stuff online from wherever I like so that means I can stay here with everyone and have some stability. So I've taken on some people we know irl but I've also taken on people online like YouTubers and musicians/bands and online shops and even a mental health charity (pro bono cus it's charity obviously) stuff like that and I never have to meet them in person because these people are all over the country! It's pretty cool. I also get to work for people I know, like Gil and Toni are kinda becoming famous YouTubers/influencers? which I did not see coming but I'm not surprised lmao. They just stuff around and have fun online and it works for them. I've joined them for quite a few vids so I really hope you get to see me in one of them. Fuck they even made Arthur do a vid with them I don't know how they convinced him but it was really funny and it's like we're all the same since high school but we've grown.
Anyways we're coming up to 6 years without you. Sometimes it hits me that it's been another year and then another and another and I just feel so bad. I'm really scared that one day we'll hit that point where you would've been gone for longer than you were here. Also 6 years is a really scary number. That's like half a decade. I told Francis to pretty please distract me from thinking about that one day it'll have been a decade without you. Ofc I'm so fucking glad you haven't died but I really wish I had someplace to visit you at like a grave. Because it feels like I'm grieving someone who's dead. But you're not dead, just gone and it was so sudden and final it's like your dead.
The best I can do is visit your room. Last year me and Arthur cleaned it because it was really dusty and I just know it's gonna be dusty again. I promise we've been looking after Kuma and making sure he doesn't get dirty. I hope you don't mind but sometimes when I feel down I go and give him a hug and nap on your bed. I don't know how you left him behind. You loved him but you left him? I feel really sorry for him. Also I know this is weird to admit but I still sniff your jumper. Sometimes I really really worry it'll stop smelling like you and it has gotten weaker but it still does! I'm so glad you left it behind because otherwise I would've forgotten what you smelled like and now I'm getting upset fuck ignore any weird wet splotches on this please.
Also sometimes me and Francis sit on your bed I promise we don't do anything weird we just hold hands and stuff and he's just supportive. The other day he told me that your obsession with adding maple syrup to recipes he cooks/bakes was interesting and he had tried some and needed a second opinion if the recipes were a success. I know he was just trying to cheer me up but I let him. Plus I know it cheers him up too. He's been a bit fucked up since you left because he thought you guys were friends. He liked you cus apparently when you took French together you were the only other person in the class to actually take french seriously with him so when you left he felt like a shit friend but pushed it down because we were supposed to be closer to you and yeah... oh well.
What I want to know is if you knew he liked me too? Cus Francis felt bad because he felt like apparently when he was talking to you 50% of the time it was about me and now he's worried he might've dominated the conversation a bit, or made you feel used. Idk. He just wishes that you knew it wasn't the case and he saw you as a friend and liked that you liked French and cooking stuff and he had someone to talk with about that stuff.
Anyways, back to the maple syrup recipe stuff. Of course everything tasted really good but it was hard to eat so Francis told me he'd put it on the secret menu for me. Which just means I can ask him to make them for me whenever. Man, he's an actual king I really should do something for him once I get out of this slump huh?
Anyway, I don't know what I'll be doing for year 6 without my best bro (don't tell Arthur haha) so yeah as always I love you and I hope you aren't as caught up about us as we are without you. Sometimes I wish you would be but then I think that you were caught up before you left and I know how much it sucks now. If you felt how we feel now then I have no idea how to make it up to you but please believe me when I say I'm sorry.
Love, Alfred]