Step by Step Oneshots
School
"Man, this bites," J.T. said as he slammed his textbook shut at the kitchen table. "It's the weekend and I have to waste it studying for a stupid algebra test. I'm never gonna need this stuff."
Cody shut the door to the fridge and turned to face his cousin. "I don't know, J.T., I seem to recall you saying the same thing about soap." He laughed and added, "you were one funky little dude back in the day."
J.T. huffed and shook his head. "Man, Cody, you are so lucky you're done with school and don't have to do this anymore..." he did a double take and asked, "for that matter, how did you get through algebra?"
"How did I get through algebra?" Cody repeated in an amused tone, then repeated more seriously, "how did I get through algebra?"
"You did take algebra, right?" J.T. asked.
"Uh...well, I guess I did," Cody said, then cocked his head to the side, "though I can't recall it right off-hand."
J.T. squinted one eye and commented, "For that matter...Codeman, when did you get out of high school? I don't remember hearing about you graduating."
"High school, uh..." Cody did a full body double take and asked, "did I go to high school? Man, those years are just a blur. I do remember having a mondo amount of ice cream headaches around that time...I wonder if there's a connection?"
"Cody, you went to school, right?" J.T. asked.
"Oh yeah, man, I'm sure I did," Cody said as he sat down at the head of the table and popped open his soda can. "I'm just not sure if it was a high school...or a military school...or a vocational school...dude, or maybe it was a driving school?"
J.T. leaned over towards the older man and said, "Cody, you had to go to school, didn't you? What else would you have been doing all that time?"
"Oh well let's see," Cody folded his arms on the table and narrated, "I started working in demolition, got Lucille and jazzed her up to the prime piece of real estate that she is today, got my driver's license, my motorcycle," he trailed off as he pressed his fingertips against his jaw questioningly, "still haven't figured out where I learned martial arts from...oh! I learned to play the guitar, also learned to dance because I went in the wrong building to take guitar lessons...and you know, I go to the gym and pump the old iron, and I like to travel and meet new people, I spent years learning all about cars and motorcycles and how to fix them...huh," he got a far-off look in his eyes before shaking his head and concluding, "well, if I did go to school, I must've been sleepwalking."
"Yeah well you're lucky either way," J.T. told him. "Because you don't have to do junk like this anymore."
"Yeah well," Cody replied, "you just better make sure you can graduate on time, that way you'll be out of there before they bring in the killer robots to replace the teachers."
J.T. looked at Cody with a very confused expression and asked, "What are you talking about?"
"Dude!" Cody's eyes lit up, "I saw it all in this movie about the future. It's like RoboCop but instead of a great big ol' cyborg dude, they look just like regular people, and instead of stopping crime in the streets, they're the new teachers and they waste all the unruly students, cha-buddy, it's so cool!" He got slightly more somber as he pointed a finger at his cousin and told him, "So you just be sure you're out of high school before the year 1999. You should be safe that way."
"Man, if I had it my way I'd be out of high school right now," J.T. replied. "I can't wait until I'm done with all this garbage and I can just do whatever I want."
"Yeah, well if I were you," Cody told him, "I'd study as hard as I could to pass and graduate before they bring in military battle droids to take you over their knee and give you the primo spanking of your life right there in the classroom."
"You're kidding, right?" J.T. squinted his eyes in disbelief.
"Dude, it's the way of the future!" Cody said, gesturing as he spoke. "Learn, or have all your friends watch as you can't sit down for the rest of the week."
"Aw man!" J.T. whined as he moved off the bench and said, "I better see if I can get some help with this."
"How about Mark?" Cody suggested.
"Are you nuts?" J.T. asked. "There is no way I'm getting lectured in algebra by a shrimp who's four grades behind me and still screams like a girl."
"Alright then," Cody considered, "what about Dana? She's like, one of the smartest people in this house, maybe even the world."
"Barky?" J.T. replied in disbelief and shook his head. "No way."
"Okay, dude, your choice," Cody said, "but you might want to consider how hard a robot hand can hit ya where the Good Lord split ya."
J.T. stood there and thought for a couple seconds before concluding as he grabbed his textbook, "Maybe Mark can help me with this."
"Excellent choice, my man," Cody said as J.T. disappeared through the swinging door to the living room.