Fandom: 囀る鳥は羽ばたかない / Saezuru tori wa habatakanai / Twittering Birds Never Fly
Title: Impressions.
Pairing: Doumeki x Yashiro
Rating: PG-13
Description: (AU) Yashiro is caught between memories and his current reality. (Warning: References to implied physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.)

Disclaimer – Yoneda Kou is the author of this sublime manga.

Impressions.
By Miyamoto Yui

Part 5 / Twenties – cigar smell.

Shivering in the darkness, I waited on the empty sidewalk for the car to pick me up.

In order to visit all these places in one day, I'll follow that route. But how do I divert-

That distinct cigar smell disgustingly filled my nostrils. I wanted to ignore it, but something kept tempting me to look. I wish I hadn't.

The slicked back hair and the rugged jeans still didn't match the aged hands that contained even more wrinkles.

/Those hands held onto me in a vice grip inside the tub. Quivering in between the splashing, my body pulsated nothing but pain. But I was so far away screaming inside my head…/

My heartbeat slowly elevated as my fingertips began to tingle the more I stared.
Ah, so this hyousube still hadn't kicked the bucket? Why'd I have to run into you in the five minutes I've been standing here?
What a beautiful joke from the universe.

It became a little bit harder to breathe. I briefly scanned the three-story building he'd exited from. Indistinct as it appeared, it was an escort system fronting as a health care service with a specific age requirement to cater to certain clientele.

After passing me, he turned back and scrutinized my face. His scratchy voice commented, "You must've been a looker back then."

I feigned indifference to the numbing response my body gave while his eyes squinted in an attempt to recall where'd we met. My face wanted to contort between business nonchalance and childish anger.

Huh…I could still latently feel something like that?

Years later, even hiding in a suit and all the intimidation it could exude, past episodes pummeled my psyche with every prolonged second…

Crying under each different body odor. Vomiting in the school toilet whenever it came back with a vengeance. Running out the door of that tiny apartment. Huddling and shaking inside the dome at the park. Hiding inside Mother's closet and pulling the door with all my might. Writing notes full of hatred only to shred them quietly with all my papercuts.

Pleasure mingling in agony that carved hollowness into every part of me.

I thought I'd been over it, but I knew those little accumulated horrors would never truly go away. Unpacking each piece would mean I'd have to unsew all the temporary stitches I'd created to deal with it all.
Even now, my personal solutions still felt useless.

The old man walked away without a second thought. After all, I was nothing in his eyes.

It was more than unfair.

Tsuzuku… / To be continued…

10/10/2024 1:44:17 AM – Los Angeles
10/11/2024 5:44:17 PM – Tokyo