The stillness and quiet of the sleep-filled night was suddenly shattered by high-pitched, incessant, inconsolable screaming. Cutting through the darkness like a knife, it started as a full-out wail, blaring like an ambulance siren as it soared down the freeway.
Lee's lips barely parted. ". . . . manda," he murmured, still asleep and not moving a muscle. "Matthew's up."
Amanda stirred in the darkness, her breathing barely changing.
The crying continued, and Lee got wearily up to sit on the edge of the bed. His wife slowly blinked her eyes open and saw the moonlight gleaming off her husband's bare back. "Matthew's awake, darling," she mumbled before her eyes drifted shut again.
"I've got it, babe," he answered her reassuringly. He slipped on his green, blue, and white plaid pajama bottoms as he stood up and got his bearings, thankful that Matthew's squalling hadn't awakened his twin sister, Jennifer.
Amanda burrowed down a little deeper into their bed. "I love you, sweetie!" she said in her sleep-filled state. "Get him before he gets Jenny up."
Lee smiled. "Gotcha, honey." He started to maneuver around the dark room, and stubbed his toe against the dresser. Gripping his wounded toe with both hands and hopping up and down frantically on one foot, he finally managed to get himself together, turned off the baby monitor so Amanda could get back to sleep, and padded carefully out into the carpeted hallway. The soft glow of the night light made traveling this part of the house a little safer.
Matthew continued his night-time symphony as Lee went down the hall and into the nursery where the twins, born several months ago, slept. Where at least one of them slept. Lee chuckled out loud, thinking that perhaps he had jinxed himself when he had broken into Amanda's interview with Hunnicutt typewriter by announcing that it was feeding time for their triplets, Timmy, Tammy, and Tommy. "Dear GOD!" he thought. "What if that really had come true?"
He switched on the dim light in the twins' bedroom and a soft glow suffused through the room. Lee snuck a glance at his daughter. For some reason, she was still sleeping soundly. Matthew, on the other hand, was making enough noise for both of them. Lee quickly picked up his son and held him close. Matthew just had been fed an hour ago. He was still dry. Maybe it was gas. Or maybe he was just awake and unhappy about it. Lee rearranged the afghan on the back of the wooden rocker and sat down, snuggling Matthew into his bare chest, and began gently rocking back and forth, singing to him softly. Gradually, the little boy started sniffling as his cries slowed.
On the wall near the lamp hung a picture of Lee's parents, Matthew and Jennifer Stetson, on their wedding day. Amanda was determined that their children know "Grammy and Pappy Stetson" as living, breathing human beings despite the fact that they'd been killed when Lee was only five. Lee looked longingly at his parents, who looked smilingly down on him and their grandchildren from the photo. He so wished that they'd have been able to know Amanda, their grandchildren, and to see him deliriously happy at last. "Maybe that's why they're smiling," he thought to himself in consolation.
Fighting sleep as his thoughts drifted backward, Lee could not believe that he was married, the father of twins and the stepfather of two boys. He was slowing down in his spy career so that he and his family would be safe, and so they could all have time together. He couldn't begin to fathom that just six years ago, he'd been a suave, debonaire playboy, firmly dedicated to staying single. He couldn't have been more wrong. Or more ecstatic and fulfilled by the way things had turned out.
"You OK, Dad?" Philip's voice broke into Lee's reflections. He entered the nursery in his T-shirt and boxers, his eyes glued shut with sleep. Lee's heart about burst when Philip called him "Dad," for Philip's father, Joe, was still very much a part of their lives. But Lee had so firmly cemented his relationship with Amanda's oldest son that Philip calling Lee "Dad" came quite naturally. It made Lee feel like a million bucks.
"Yeah, I'm good, Sport!" Lee breathed, trying to stay awake. "Sorry Matthew got you awake. Again." Matthew was the one that seemingly never slept, and kept everyone else from doing so, too. "At least tomorrow's not a school day."
"It's alright," Philip said, sitting down in the soft recliner that his mother used when feeding the babies. At thirteen, he was old enough to be a big help and also to understand how much of a handful twins could be. "You and mom don't have to go in either, and I like that. These two keep you busy."
Lee smiled at Philip. "They indeed do, buddy. But you and your brother and grandma are HUGE helps!" He kept rocking, patting Matthew's little diapered tush in rhythm with the movement of the chair.
A rustle at the door made them both look up. Jamie was just getting around to see what was going on. "Why can we never sleep around here?" he asked, annoyed at having his sleep disrupted once more. He lurked in the doorway in his Scooby-Doo pajamas, unsure of what to do.
"Come on in, Chief," his stepfather invited him. Matthew's not the most talented at sleeping," he continued. "He'll grow out of it. Someday."
Jamie entered the nursery, but wasn't as convinced as Lee was. "It was just FINE here until THEY showed up," he said, immediately regretting it.
"Don't be a dork, DORK!" Philip hissed at his younger brother. Jamie had had a hard time adjusting to Lee, then his mother's marriage to this new man, and now the arrival of the twins. "You weren't the quietest baby, EITHER!" he continued. He actually had no recollection of Jamie being a baby, but no one was going to pick on his new baby brother.
Jamie's expression said it all. "I'm sorry," he said to his stepfather, reaching out and putting his hand on Lee's. "it's just . . . well . . . . "
"I know, Jamie," Lee assured him. "We're all tired of not sleeping. Believe it or not, there will come a time when the four of you will be thick as fleas and each of you will have all the others' backs."
Jamie's expression turned analytical. "Why do they say "thick as fleas?" he asked. "They're really tiny and not thick at all!"
"Like your BRAIN, Worm Head!" Philip cut in.
Lee glared at Philip to silence him, then looked over at Jamie, his lips turned up in a slight smile. "Ask your mother in the morning. My brain isn't working right now." Little Matthew, now fast asleep, stirred slightly on his father's chest, soothed by his warmth and familiar scent.
"You really love Mom, don't you?" Jamie continued.
Philip was tired of the questions and knew that Lee had everything under control. "Of course he does, snot wad," he retorted, getting up out of the recliner. He came over, gave his baby brother a tiny kiss on the head, gave Lee a silent high-five, and snuck a peek at his sister before turning around. "I'm going back to bed," he told them. Then, he looked over at Lee and smiled. "Just yell if you need me, Dad," he asked.
Lee's heart again swelled with pride. "Will do, Champ!" he answered. "Thanks, Philip!" He would willingly have put Matthew back in his bassinet and headed back to bed himself, but Jamie seemed to want to talk, and he didn't want to put him off.
He looked over at Jamie, who'd taken Philip's place in the big stuffed chair as if he intended to stay awhile. "I sure do, Jamie!" he said, nodding and bracing for a zillion embarrassing questions. "I love your mother VERY much."
Jamie, now rid of Philip's need to judge the quality of his questions, and confident that Lee wouldn't make fun of him, Jamie continued with a bit less restraint., "Why?" he asked. "What made you fall in love with Mom?"
The answer easily tumbled out of Lee's mouth, so much so that it surprised even him. "You mom came into my life when I needed her the most, Jamie," he started, his voice lost in recollection. "I'd recently lost my partner, as well as another agent or two, and your mom showed me that there are genuinely good people in this world. She rescued me from a terrible darkness with her warmth, her caring, and the totally selfless way she helped me. Not once did she try to change me; she loved me for who I was and filled my life with amazing things that I never even knew I'd been missing. My life actually began the day that we met! She filled my empty soul with love, Jamie. And pulled me out of what seemed to be a huge, bottomless pit. And I'll always love her!"
"Wait!" Jamie interjected. "You lost your partner?" He'd long gotten over not liking and not trusting Lee and actually begun admiring him. He found him fascinating and interesting. He was kind and didn't have a deep, gruff voice like his real father did. Lee actually listened.
"Yes," Lee sighed, running his hand through his hair thoughtfully, having shared a bit more than he'd intended to. "His name was Eric and we were the best of friends!" Seeing the expression on Jamie's face, he quickly continued. "But that will NOT happen to your mom. Or me. We're in the process of transitioning to safer jobs at work. Neither of us are going to be in harm's way," he lied. He hoped.
Jamie seemed satisfied. "His name was Eric?" he asked, wondering if he was probing too much. "How . . . did . . . he die?"
Lee had known that question was coming. He'd never really even talked about it with Amanda. But Jamie and he were bonding quite well, and he saw no reason not to give him the glossed-over version of how Eric had taken a bullet in the head for him that one day in April, six years and several lifetimes ago...
Jamie grew quiet. "I'm sorry, Lee," he offered, knowing it wasn't nearly enough. "And I'm scared." Jenny started making little noises in her bassinette.
"Hang on now, Sport," Lee advised tenderly, quietly getting out of the rocker and safely depositing the sleeping Matthew in his crib as Jenny was starting to awaken. "I know you're scared. Hell, I'm scared. But like I said, your mom and I are going to be a lot safer now." He ruffled his stepson's hair, remembering how he felt when his own parents were killed. Jamie was a lot older than he was and understood a whole lot more. Jamie looked at Lee with respect, admiration, and love. He was growing very fond of his stepfather and couldn't stand the prospect of losing him. Or his mother, either.
Lee stepped backwards a bit, making sure that Matthew was going to stay asleep before he picked up his gently cooing sister. Jenny was soaked, and Lee tucked her into his right arm in a football hold while he rummaged for diaper changing supplies. "Lee, be careful!" Jamie warned. "Remember when –"
Lee let out a yelp as his daughter latched onto his brown nipple and started sucking for all she was worth. Both of them burst out laughing. "I did it again, didn't I?" Lee mused. "At least she doesn't have any teeth yet!"
Jamie hunted for a clean diaper, wipes, and powder while Lee gently put his finger at the corner of Jenny's mouth to break the suction the way he'd seen Amanda do. Finally Jenny let loose and Lee laid her gently down in the bassinette, rubbing his chest before starting to change his daughter's diaper.
"I'll go get a bottle and warm it up," Jamie volunteered helpfully. He was enjoying this time alone with his stepfather.
Lee looked up from the bassinette with a smile. "Thanks, buddy! Much appreciated." He smiled down on his daughter with love and buzzed her belly with little raspberry kisses.
Jamie returned with the bottle for Jenny just as Lee was finishing up with her diaper. "You want to feed her, champ?" Lee asked.
"I want you to," Jamie decided, knowing that Lee relished taking care of the children he never thought he'd have.
Lee took the bottle and smiled at Jamie. "OK, sport!" he said, settling back into the rocker and offering Jenny a nipple that actually gave her milk. Jenny sucked eagerly, filling her tiny tummy while her father rocked gently back and forth, engraining the moment into his memory.
"Lee?" Jamie asked pensively.
"Yeah, Jamie?"
"What's it mean when someone's got more scalps on their belt than Geronimo?"
Lee froze for an instant, then forced himself to resume rocking while he looked over at Jamie. His eyes widened. "Where did THAT come from?" he queried after a moment.
"Mom had mentioned it," was the response. It was the same thing Lee had told Amanda when she was talking about going on a date with David Benson, who was suspected of being a mole. He'd almost blown it that day, nearly blurting out that he was jealous and wanted her for himself. Damn, if he had only listened to his heart he could have had this wonderful existence several years earlier.
"It means that someone had been with way too many women," Lee advised, as casually as he could. "Or men," he quickly added, trying to relieve himself of any suspicion.
Encouraged, Jamie continued. "Do you have a lot of scalps?" He had heard that his stepfather had had more than just a bit of a reputation before he'd met his mother, and he found that pretty intriguing. He was even better with the ladies than Philip, maybe! Lee was definitely someone he could learn from!
Lee glared at Jamie, astonished at his audacity but also thankful that their relationship had also reached a new level. He knew that he needed to be honest, but casually so. Now was not the time to fill Jamie's head with the idea that the more scalps on one's belt, the more of a man you were. The darkness of night and the veil of sleep made things a bit easier. "I was young once, yes," he allowed. "And I did sow a lot of wild oats. But all that changed when I met your mother. I knew right away that she was THE one."
Jamie looked amazed. "How did you know that?"
Lee adjusted his grip on Jenny's bottle. "People confuse many things with love," he started. "And because I never really felt loved after my parents died, I spent way too much time trying to find it, in any way possible. Your mother was the only woman who wasn't after me for se-" Lee caught himself just in time. "For several things," he finished. "She totally believed in me. There was something incredibly different about her, Jamie. She knew all about me and loved me anyway. Or maybe because of it. When I looked into her eyes, I knew. When we touched, it felt all tingly-wonderful. It was like the union of two souls that were incomplete without each other. She had me, hook, line, and sinker. All she'd have to have done was crook her pinky finger and I'd have come running. It took me a very long time to admit to even myself that I had feelings for her."
Jamie knit his brows together. "Why, though? Wouldn't it just have been easier?"
Lee warmed to the subject, his smile wide and his eyes warm. "Because I'd never felt that way about a woman before. And I was so afraid that if I loved someone, that something would happen to them and they'd be taken away from me. Like my parents. Like Eric. Like old girlfriends who used me. There was no way I was letting anyone inside my heart ever again. I built a protective shell around myself. No one was ever again going to see me vulnerable. It was safer for me to just keep your mom at arm's length so I wouldn't get hurt. I worked really hard at it, too. I was a real jerk to her for a long time, trying to fight the feelings that were growing deeper inside me on a daily basis. But somehow she understood what I was doing, Jamie. She was right there with me, every step of the way, loving me and supporting me and waiting until I was ready."
"I could kick myself now, though. I just wasted more years wondering. But the more time we spent working together, the more I found I loved her. Needed her. It was awful being away from her, and whenever I saw her with another man, my gut just boiled over. And when she said she loved me and needed me too, well, I felt like my entire world had just started over again! It was like someone had turned the light on at the end of my tunnel.
"I guess what it boils down to is that when you find the right one, you know. There won't be any doubt in your mind. You won't even think to ask the question."
Jenny finished her bottle just as Lee was finishing his soliloquy and he saw that Jamie had fallen fast asleep. Smiling, he sat Jenny up and coaxed a rather lady-like burp out of her before laying her back down on his chest so she'd get back to sleep. His thoughts wandered and his mind blurred with reality, all centering on his conversation with Jamie.
Very likely because it was an all-consuming thought anyway, Lee drifted back to his "first time" with Amanda. He was certain that with him being an experienced man who'd made love to women all over the world, he'd be able to totally satiate his sweetheart with techniques, skill, and just his overall prowess. As usual, she'd proved him all wrong. Her love for him finally being given an outlet, as the final wrenching, drenching moments of their union drew to a close, he was left bordering on unconscious on top of her and shaking like a leaf in her arms. He had NEVER known sex to the be this amazing! He finally understood the difference between sex and love. With the woman who had been destined to be his from the beginning of time, he'd been truly conquered, fulfilled, and left gasping for breath and emotion as they catapulted through space together. He was amazed at the things that she continued to show him, to teach him, and to help him experience! His life really had begun the day they first met!
Jenny was sound asleep on his chest, and regretfully, Lee realized he needed to get both of them back to bed. The day would resume the next time Matthew woke up, which might be any second now anyway. Gingerly, he got up from the rocking chair and slid his daughter back into her bassinette before covering her over with Dotty's crocheted blanket. He snuck a look at Matthew before grabbing the afghan from the wooden rocker and laying it carefully over Jamie's sleeping form, brushing his stepson's hair with his lips as he did so. He gave his parents a good, long look, kissed his fingers, and placed it gently on their faces before shutting off the lights and heading back down the hallway to the bedroom.
Silently opening the door, Lee groped his way in the darkness to the baby monitor so he could switch it back on, but found that the green light was already glowing. Shaking his head, he tiptoed over to his side of the bed and slid his pajama pants down as he drifted under the covers, trying so very hard not to wake his wife. Soon, a knowing hand found its way across his chest and settled in on his right nipple.
"You OK there, big fella?" Amanda teased. "Your daughter's got quite the set of gums, doesn't she?" Amanda raised up on one elbow in the darkness. "You are an AMZING father, you know?" she smiled. He could hear the love in her voice. "And a WONDERFUL storyteller! Her face came down close to his, their lips lightly touching. "I love you, Mr. Stetson!" Her body ached to show him just how much.
Lee kissed his wife, feeling the passion between them blossom and grow from an ember into a roaring fire. "And I love YOU TOO, Mrs. Stetson!" His eyes and grin widened as Amanda's hand drifted from his right pec to his groin. "And if you have other things on your mind, we'd better get crackin' before one of our munchkins wakes up again!"
"I have no objections to that, Scarecrow," Amanda purred. "I'm sure that 'How did you get your codename, Lee?' is going to be one of Jamie's NEXT questions!"