the-original-sineater asked: Whumptober Prompt No. 26: NIGHTMARES Breakfast Table Parting Words of Regret "I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated." (Poe, Haunted)

Thunderbirds - Scott or John

How about both? With much thanks to MariaShadow

Characters: John, Scott

Warnings: Vomiting, Angst

The breakfast table was a quiet hum of activity as the family ate, drank and chatted.

John looked on from the entrance. Even Virgil was down and awake…kind of. The 17-year-old was downing a large coffee and John didn't need to be able to see his Dad or Scott to know both would be exchanging fond eye rolls.

Gordon was holding court, filling Scott in on his next semester at the private swim school. Alan was on the seat next to Scott, practically sitting on his lap he was so close. Virgil was on Alan's left and Gordon next to him. Dad was next to Alan and there was a space between Scott and Dad. For him.

John cringed.

Today was Scott's last day before he had to head back to his unit. John could feel the undercurrent in the room, the words no one was saying. He didn't want to say anything himself, but he was nothing but pragmatic.

Taking a deep breath John entered the room and took his seat, ignoring the second of silence as he did so.

Scott passed him a lidded plate, and John removed the cover to find eggs, bacon and waffles. His stomach rebelled at the smell but John knew he needed to eat it.

Don't make a fuss. It's Scott's last day. Everything has to be perfect.

The conversation washed over John as he concentrated on forcing each mouthful down, alternating them with juice in an effort to help.

Scott's knee nudged him and John shot up, knocking the table which spilt everyone's drinks. They all stared at John. He flushed bright red and fled to his room.

Jeff frowned. He'd known John had been…off for the last couple of days, had tried subtly asking what was wrong but John had simply refused to talk. He'd hoped John would talk to Scott but judging from this reaction that hadn't happened. He moved his chair back to follow John but Scott's hand on his arm made him stop.

'I got this, Dad.'

So Jeff retook his seat and carried on eating and after a beat everyone else carried on too.

John was heading to his room but his stomach had other ideas so he detoured to the bathroom and only just made it in time. What little he'd managed to down came right back up.

He heaved again as a hand tentatively hovered over his back, not quite touching but close enough to be felt, and John just knew it was Scott. Only his brother wouldn't touch him even in these circumstances, his Dad wouldn't have waited for his permission.

Sighing, John sat back against the bath and faced Scott. He watched his brother get comfortable, crossing his legs and just waiting for John to be ready to talk.

John wasn't sure he'd ever be ready.

Not for this.

'John. What is it? You can tell me. You know you can.'

But John just stared at him until Scott sighed, got up and left, returning a few minutes later with a large glass of water and slid down beside him. John accepted it gratefully and slowly drank it, thankful when his stomach didn't rebel.

Scott waited several minutes once the water had gone, but John didn't look like he was going to say anything, so he gently nudged him, hoping to elicit a smile. But John didn't smile and Scott sighed inwardly. In the gentlest voice he could manage Scott began to talk.

'Talk to me. I'd like to know what's bothering you. Is it Harvard? NASA? Did Gordon put a frog in your bed again last night?'

'What's the point?'

'The point? What do you mean?'

'I mean, Scott, you're leaving. What does telling you do? Nothing. It does nothing. Leave me alone. I don't need you anymore.'

And with that John scrambled up and stormed out to his room, slamming the door behind him, leaving Scott staring after him.

Jeff came out to see what all the noise was, surprised when he saw Scott standing outside John's room, a hand gently resting on the door and the saddest look he'd seen on his eldest son for quite a while. He moved over and stood behind Scott, pulling him into a hug.

'I don't know, Dad. John won't talk to me. He – he's never pushed me away before.'

'I know. I'll watch out for him. You better get your gear together, James will be here soon.'

'Dad – ! – '

'One problem at a time, Bluejay. One problem at a time.'

His Dad kissed his head before gently pushing Scott towards his room and, with a last look at John's door, Scott entered his own.

Half an hour later a horn sounded outside. Scott couldn't help but grin as James turned the horn into a tune, and Gordon and Alan flew out the house to jump on his wingman. The city boy he'd first met in Basic had taken his brothers to his heart, and the youngest two had immediately adopted him.

Jeff helped Scott load his bags and they all said their goodbyes until Scott was left standing in front of the car.

Waiting for John.

But despite several calls John didn't come.

Eventually Jeff pulled Scott into another hug and promised he'd talk to John. Surrounded by his other sons Jeff watched as Scott reluctantly climbed into the car and the pair drove away.

All that was left was the dust still in the air when John burst out of the farmhouse and collapsed on the roadway.

John howled in the dust.

Shooing his boys back into the house, Jeff strode over to John and pulled him into a hug. John clung to him tightly, sobbing.

'I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! I just didn't want him to go! I'm scared, Dad. I'm scared. I have nightmares about him going back. I should have just told him. I should have stopped him. But I didn't want him to worry about me. Instead I lied and told him I didn't need him anymore. But I do, Dad! I need him! I need him!'

Jeff let John cry out his fears until he stopped before picking him up and carrying him back into the house.

Scott called later that night to say they had arrived safely, but John was asleep, the events of the day having caught up with him.

Five days later they got the news that Scott's jet had been shot down over Bereznik.