Sirius never thought Harry would go from calling him See-See to calling him Dad in a million years. He supposed he should have anticipated the possibility, so he didn't clam up during his twenty-third birthday dinner. Part of the Synodic Series
Warning: Please read the previous stories in this series or else I'm afraid this will make little sense.
"Impluvious"
Sirius Black hated his birthday. Always had. Probably always would. How could he not? As a child, his birthday had been an excuse for the Blacks to throw a party to showboat. Much to James' chagrin, he avoided his birthday while in school, pretending like it was any other ordinary day. After school, Lily had always thrown the best parties with homemade cakes and amazing dinners. Everyone gathered together with silly little party hats and an abundant amount of laughter. The birthdays he spent with her and James were the best birthdays he could have asked for. He even dared to enjoy his birthday with them. Except, now having a birthday just days after his best friends' death date… well, it made Sirius not want to celebrate ever again. There was a melancholy that lingered after Halloween, dragging down his mood and causing him sleepless night after sleepless night.
But Marlene insisted they celebrate with family and friends. Sirius had no appetite for a party, but for Marlene, he would grin and bear it, knowing Marlene wanted to establish some sort of normalcy for their small family. Honestly, it wasn't a terrible idea. Sirius just liked to be a miserable sod sometimes and wallow.
"Small, Marly," Sirius pleaded, bouncing his fussy eight-month-old daughter in his arms. "You just invited the Tonkses, right?"
"Well, I also invited Mary and Remus but neither one can make it," Marlene replied as she shakily piped icing around the cake.
Harry looked up from where he sat perched next to Marlene at the counter. He innocently licked the spatula, his wide green eyes blinking up at Sirius. Offering the kid a smile, Sirius adjusted Maia in his arms.
"I was never that close to Mary, so let's not invite her next time," Sirius reasoned, because he really didn't fucking care if he ever talked to Mary again. "Remus is, fuck knows where, in the Baltics again," he added, trying not to let the sting of that dying relationship bring his mood even further down.
Marlene sighed, pulling back to inspect her handiwork. Her nose wrinkled at the lopsided icing lines.
"If I'm being honest, I'd rather it just be the four of us," Sirius added, setting Maia on the counter and attempting to keep her hands away from the cake. "We can say we're ill and cancel the entire thing."
Marlene snorted. "No such luck. Andromeda already asked what time dinner was this morning," she replied as she started to pipe out letters on top of the cake. "They're coming early to help set up."
Sirius sighed. Marlene concentrated on writing 'Happy Birthday, Sirius!' in her best cursive. Over the summer, for Marlene's birthday, he had just bought a cake at the local bakery in town and called it a day. He wondered if he should learn to bake, so she could have a homemade one too. Although, Sirius doubted he could make it edible. It was the thought that counted, wasn't it? Besides, he could have Harry and Maia have a heavy hand in it. She couldn't complain if the kids were involved.
"I just don't see the appeal of celebrating one's birthday after seventeen," Sirius reasoned. "Once you're an adult, does it really matter?"
Marlene laughed, leaning back to inspect her lettering. She gestured for Harry to hold out his spatula and swirled a dollop of icing on the silicon for the kid to enjoy before she leaned over the counter. Maia held out her hand and Marlene put a dot of icing on her finger. Maia's fingers shoved into her mouth immediately.
"Your daddy is funny isn't he, love?" Marlene cooed to Maia before turning her attention to Harry. "Imagine not liking your own birthday," she added, brushing Harry's hair back on his head. "Isn't he silly, Harry?"
Harry nodded. "Silly See-See!"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Wow, I'm a year older. That sounds like something fantastic to celebrate," he said in a sarcastic tone.
"Why, aren't you just a bundle of fun?" Marlene asked with a wide grin.
Sirius cocked his head to the side, giving Marlene his best annoyed look. He wasn't sure he succeeded because Harry giggled before he continued to lick his spatula.
"I may or may not have also invited the Weasleys to your birthday dinner tonight," Marlene said, her gaze focusing on her cake.
Sirius sucked in a breath. He didn't mind the Weasleys. They were rather nice. Harry seemed to have opened up to the youngest four rather quickly. Anytime their laughter wafted through the windows, Harry made a beeline for Sirius and begged him to play outside with his new friends. More often than not, Sirius caved. Except with autumn in full swing and the weather becoming colder, the Weasleys spent less and less time outdoors. Harry had taken to sullenly sitting by the bay window to stare across the pond when he grew bored.
"Where are we going to fit everyone?" Sirius asked, counting on his fingers. "That's what? Fifteen people? We don't even have a dining room!"
Since the house didn't have a designated playroom, Sirius decided to turn the dining room into a playroom for the kids. It's not like they had any plans to host any formal dinners – until now apparently – and the kitchen was big enough that they could expand the table when the Tonkses came over for dinner. But there was not enough room for the Weasleys as well.
"I bought a garden party canopy that I need you to set up and start heating charms on," Marlene replied, biting her bottom lip. "Please?"
Sirius sighed. "You're putting me to work on my birthday, you know that, right?"
"Take Harry with you and feed the chickens," Marlene added, shooting him a smile. "And Daisy too."
When they moved into the new house, Dumbledore kept good on his promise of a housewarming gift. He gifted them a pygmy goat that Marlene named Daisy and four chickens that were all named after fruits or vegetables because Harry thought one looked like a potato and thus named it Potato. Potato had become Harry's prized chicken. Marlene ran with the naming scheme for the other three chickens by naming them Kiwi, Cantaloupe, and Kumquat.
"Put Maia in her highchair," Marlene instructed as she moved the completed cake onto the counter behind her. "I'm going to start prepping dinner. Ted is getting off work early and it's Andy's day off, so they'll be here by four. The Weasleys are coming at five. Molly said she'd bring the kids over herself and Arthur would join us whenever he arrives home from work."
Sirius picked Maia up off the counter and carried her over to her highchair by the table. He sat her down inside, ensuring to buckle her up so she didn't tumble out, before moving the highchair closer to Marlene. He rounded the island and stopped in front of Harry, holding his arms out for the kid.
"Want to feed your chickens?" Sirius asked.
Harry nodded, tossing the spit-coved spatula onto the counter. "Potooooo!"
Sirius hoisted the kid into his arms, settling him on his hip. "Yeah, yeah, you can feed Potato. I wouldn't dare feed your favorite chicken," he agreed, pressing a quick kiss onto Harry's temple.
"Me like Potooooo," Harry said, dragging out his O-sound. "Cluck cluck. Cluck cluck."
Sirius listened to Harry clucking all the way to the entryway. Setting the kid down on the bottom step, Sirius crouched down to help the kid put on his wellies and maneuver his arms into his leather jacket that Marlene bought Harry a couple of months ago, charmed to grow with him. Once finished, Harry squirmed by the front door, his fingers tight around the doorknob, as he waited for Sirius to put on his own boots and jacket. With a quick tap with his wand on both their jackets to keep them nice and toasty outside, Sirius nodded for Harry to open the front door.
Harry bolted into the garden, running as fast as his little legs would allow him. Sirius walked briskly to keep up, his hands shoving into the pockets of his leather jacket. They rounded the house to the back garden where the coop was located. Potato pecked around the ground near the coop.
"Potooooo!" Harry screamed.
Potato looked up, his brown head jerking to catch sight of Harry. The chicken ruffled her feathers before walking towards Harry. The kid picked the chicken up, holding her close to his chest. Potato looked more than content in Harry's arms.
Sirius made his way to the shed to grab the chicken feed. He poured a decent amount of feed into the trough. The chickens, minus Potato, all hurried over. Like always, Kumquat attempted to peck Kiwi away. Sirius placed his foot between the two chickens, glaring down at Kumquat, because Kumquat was a little git.
"If you don't bloody well stop, you're going to find yourself cooked on my plate, Kumquat!" Sirius threatened. "I'll enjoy every single bloody second of it too."
Because Potato was a spoiled brat, Harry placed her on the ground near Sirius. He scooped some feed into his hands and bent down so Potato could eat out of his hands. The kid giggled, exclaiming that Potato was tickling him. Sirius chuckled at his godson as he kept moving his foot to block Kumquat from pecking at Kiwi.
It seemed surreal to Sirius that he found himself living in the country with a wife, two kids, and a little herd of animals. He never fancied that kind of life for himself. Yet, at the same time, it all felt so natural. He could remember last year on his birthday when they had sat around the kitchen table in their flat in Margate. Just him, Marlene, and Harry. Sirius had been depressed and stressed, his grief attempting to drown him. A year later, he felt… happier. Somehow, that seemed wrong. How could he be so damn happy when James and Lily were dead and buried in the cold ground for the past year? How could he be so bloody content that Harry was, by all intents and purposes, his son?
Sirius watched Harry scampering after their little pygmy goat, his nose red from the cold and a bright smile on his face. How could Sirius feel guilty when his godson was so damn happy? Sirius had done that. He had taken care of Harry and made him comfortable in their new home. He put in the time and effort, ensuring that Harry had the childhood he deserved. By Merlin, the kid had even started sleeping in his own bed in his own room just two weeks ago. It was a massive step in the right direction for him. For all of them.
"See-See!" Harry called, wiping his snotty nose onto the sleeve of his jacket. "See-See, look! Look! Watch me! Watch me! See-See! Look!"
Sirius watched as Harry stood on one foot, his body wobbling for a couple of seconds before he stumbled forward.
"Wow! Great job, kid!" Sirius exclaimed, shooting Harry a double thumbs up.
Harry beamed before he galloped over to Potato and picked her up once more. Sirius erected the canopy with magic, setting it up on the side of the house while he kept a close eye on Harry playing. Once up, he walked around the perimeter to cast the heating charms before he moved on to grab a table and chairs from the shed in the back garden. At some point during the setup, Harry ran over with Potato in his arms. He plopped down at the head of the table while Sirius finished setting up the last couple of chairs.
"Ready for a party, kid?" Sirius asked, unfolding the chair and sliding it in place.
"Yeah!" Harry exclaimed, his body wiggling in his chair because he had the inability to sit still for longer than five seconds.
"Ron, Ginny, and the twins are coming," Sirius added, grabbing another chair. "As well as Dora. You should introduce Dora to your new friends."
Harry only nodded enthusiastically, his little baby voice babbling away. Sirius only understood half the words said, but he caught the gist that Harry was beyond excited to play with everyone. When it was time to go inside, Harry took Potato back to the coop before he darted towards Sirius. He held out his hand for Sirius and the two of them walked back to the house, their arms swinging between them.
Before everyone arrived, Marlene handed Harry a wrapped present with a perfectly tied bow. Marlene swayed with Maia in her arms as Harry eagerly bounced in front of Sirius with the gift. Settling down on the floor, he pulled Harry into his lap.
"Can you help me open it?" Sirius asked, pressing his chin against the side of Harry's head.
Harry peeled the paper away in tiny pieces. When they were covered in wrapping paper confetti and a black box was uncovered, Sirius opened the lid to see a basin inside the box. Sirius' brow furrowed as he lifted it carefully out of the box, his eyes roaming across the runes and intricate design.
"This is a Pensieve," Sirius whispered, looking up at Marlene. "Where did you get this?"
"It was Fleamont's," Marlene explained, cuddling Maia close to her chest. "I stopped by the Potter family vault last week to find it."
Sirius blinked, his brow furrowing as he turned back to the Pensieve. He knew Fleamont had one. James mentioned it once in passing, but he had never seen it. Somehow, it felt wrong to be in possession of something so expensive that belonged to Fleamont.
"You're always thinking," Marlene supplied, settling down on the floor next to him and plopping Maia on the floor in front of her. "And you have a penchant for intriguing magical objects."
Sirius sucked in a breath. "Arcturus has one," he said, his fingers running along the rim of the Pensieve. "Although, I don't think he ever used it. Probably just wanted to brag he owned one."
Marlene nodded. "Fleamont's is old. Really old. It was passed down for generations. I think it dates back to the Peverell line."
Sirius shook his head. "I can't accept this. This belongs to Harry," he reasoned.
"One day, when Harry is old and wise, you can pass it down to him," Marlene insisted, her fingers brushing against his forearm. "Until then, I think Fleamont would like you to have it. I think it might help you when you find yourself lost in your forlorn thoughts. I noticed the last week or two have been hard on you."
Sirius attempted to swallow down the hard lump that had congealed in the back of his throat. "I made the biggest mistake of my life a year ago," he whispered.
Marlene nodded. "Hindsight is a bitch."
Sirius only let out a low breath, his eyes dropping to the Pensieve. If only he had accepted the Secret Keeper position, James and Lily would still be alive. Harry would be happy with his parents instead of his godparents. Sirius was sure of it because he'd die before he would have betrayed any of them. He had been stupid, reckless, thinking himself so bloody clever. How could he have trusted Peter? Peter who was still nowhere to be found, lurking and waiting to strike.
Sirius was ripped out of his thoughts when Harry handed him one more gift that sat next to them on the floor. Harry excitedly ripped it open to reveal two macaroni picture frames. In one was Harry's handprint in emerald green with Harry's name underneath. The other was Maia's handprint in the same emerald green with her name underneath.
"Is that your hand?" Sirius asked in mocked shock, happy to change his line of thought.
Harry held up his hands proudly. "Four. Two. Ten. Two. Eight. Four," he counted as he wiggled his fingers.
Sirius chuckled. "Yeah, let's work on counting, mate," he said before pressing a kiss onto Harry's forehead. "Thank you. I love it," he whispered before turning to Maia, tickling her bare foot. "I love yours too."
Harry stayed glued to Sirius' side throughout the day, hanging on his arm and chatting up a storm in his repetitive toddler babble. It wasn't until the Tonkses arrived that Harry left Sirius' side. Immediately, Harry demanded Dora to carry him around on her back. Dora obliged without hesitation, allowing him to tell her where to go.
"This way!" Harry chirped, his finger pointing to the right.
"Oi, Harry, I can't see where you're pointing," Dora commented.
"This way!" Harry repeated.
When Dora went to the left, Harry swung his little feet and let out a small frustrated cry. Dora picked up on the fact that she went the wrong way and turned right. Harry settled down, happy as a bowtruckle with big crocodile tears still on his face. With Harry occupied, Sirius and Ted took the essentials outside to set the table.
"Harry seems a lot better," Ted commented, folding the cloth napkins before placing them down next to the plates. "I feel like every time we come over, he warms up quicker and quicker. Today he didn't even hesitate to demand Dora's attention."
Sirius nodded. "He started sleeping in his own room too."
Ted raised his eyebrows. "How'd you manage that?"
Sirius shrugged, fingering the silverware in his hand. "I'm not entirely sure to be honest with you. We transitioned Maia out of our room about a month ago. Harry just followed after that. One day he just asked for a story in bed and then… yeah."
"That's really great, Sirius," Ted commented, pulling out a chair and sitting down. "I think it speaks volumes to your and Marlene's parenting."
Sirius wrapped his fingers around the back of one of the chairs, leaning forward. "It's sort of odd not having him there. But it makes things easier for Marlene and me to connect better."
"When I wanted to propose to Andy, my dad gave me some advice," Ted started, leaning back in his chair. "Always treat your wife like she's your girlfriend. Go on dates, make time for alone time, keep the excitement going. If Harry's all right with it, you know we'd come over and mind the kids so you two can get out once and a while. Dora absolutely adores both of them. She'd love to spend an evening with them."
The thought of leaving the kids alone for an entire evening without him or Marlene there seemed unfathomable. He couldn't imagine Harry remaining calm. It was a recipe for inducing a panic attack. Harry hadn't had one of those since August. But he couldn't deny that it would feel good to get out a bit. Listen to something other than the Hinkypunk Shuffle, Bowtruckle Bowtruckle, and Henry the Hippogriff (which was Harry's favorite). Not change any nappies. Have an adult conversation without Harry vying for his attention or Maia fussing. Just a nice calm adult dinner with adult conversation and perhaps a walk around town.
"Thanks, Teddy," Sirius said in a sincere voice. "I'll talk to Marly about it."
When they were finished, they entered the house to hear music blasting. A smile tugged on Sirius' lips when he saw Marlene sliding across the floor with Harry and Dora as they danced to theHinkypunk Shuffle. Harry's eyes sparkled as he did his own variation of the dance, despite Dora attempting to teach him the correct order of the moves.
"See-See! Dance!" Harry called.
Sirius chuckled. "I'm good. I'll just watch."
Harry apparently didn't accept no for an answer. He galloped over to Sirius and wrapped both hands around one of his. Harry tugged on his arm, little grunts and whines escaping his lips. While Sirius wasn't a stranger to the dance, as he often danced with Harry whenever the blasted song came on, he didn't particularly fancy dancing to such a silly song in front anyone except his godson.
"You slide to the right like this, Uncle Sirius," Dora explained, sliding to the right. "Then you slide to the left," she continued, demonstrating. "Then you place both hands above your head like this and kind of shimmy down like a mist!" she said as she wiggled her body from side to side until she was crouching on the floor.
"I think I remember it now, Dora," Sirius interrupted before she went any further. "Thanks."
Sirius slid to the right and then the left. Harry mimicked him better than he had Dora. He decided to forgo the theatrics and merely crouched down to the ground without any fanfare. Harry jumped beside him, his hands waving above his head.
"Like dis!" Harry explained. "See-See! Like dis! Like dis!" he exclaimed as he jumped like a little hyper jackrabbit. "Look! Look! Watch me! Watch me!"
The song finished and Sirius threw up his hands. "Ah, next time, yeah, kid?"
"Uncle Sirius, you have to act like a Hinkypunk when you go down to the ground," Dora explained. "Hinkypunks are all elongated and stuff."
"Yeah, Sirius, like this!" Ted exclaimed as he perfectly wiggled down like a Hinkypunk.
Harry bounced next to Sirius. "Henry! Henry!" he exclaimed.
Sirius only winced at Harry's next request. He didn't know what was worse: theHinkypunk ShuffleorHenry the Hippogriff. The latter haunted his bloody dreams. The damn song was an earworm, constantly replaying in his head for hours on end. Sirius reached out, tugging the kid close to him. Once he had the kid trapped in his arms, he went straight for the armpits. Harry squealed, wiggling in Sirius' arms as laughter burst from his lips. Sirius hoped Harry would forget all about his ruddy Hippogriff song. When he ceased the tickling, he held the kid close to his chest and pressed a kiss on top of his unruly mess of hair.
The outside door to the kitchen burst open. Sirius jumped, crushing Harry to his chest. Excited voices and a blur of red trampled into the house. He eased his grip, a sigh escaping his lips.
"You do not barge into other people's houses!" Molly shouted. "Merlin, you lot keep this up and we won't be invited back!"
"HARRY!" Ron yelled.
"WON!" Harry exclaimed, breaking free of Sirius' embrace and bolting towards his friend.
The two kids embraced. Given Ron's incredible height for a two-year-old, he looked a lot older than Harry who was on the smaller side. Or maybe he was average. Sirius didn't bloody well know. It was hard to tell when he was next to Ron. Sirius made a mental note to ask Ted what Harry's percentiles were.
A screech like a dragon sounded. Sirius snapped his head up to see Molly entering the kitchen with a thrashing Ginny. With a huff, Molly placed Ginny on her feet and the screeching ceased. She toddled in the direction of Harry and Ron, who had just broken their hug and were enthusiastically chatting to one another.
"I'm so sorry," Molly said in a rush, her neck flushing. "Ginny has a classic case of youngest child syndrome because her brothers spoil her rotten. Zero patience."
Marlene laughed as she walked across the kitchen to greet Molly with a hug. "I'll let you know how Maia fares in a few months. Harry caves to her every whim."
Sirius stood up, wiping his hands on his trousers and watching the toddlers interacting. A grin spread across his lips when he realized what Ginny wanted: Harry. She wrapped her arms around him, a string of nonsensical babbles escaping her lips. Harry wasn't bothered as he jerked his arm free and wrapped it around Ginny's shoulders.
"Hi, Gin-Gin," Harry greeted, patting her on the head affectionately.
Sirius let out a small chuckle, watching as Harry cuddled Ginny to his side while chit-chatting with Ron. At one point, Harry titled his head to the side and rested his cheek against her head.
Sirius tore his eyes away from the trio to see Charlie and Dora introducing themselves. Percy sank into a chair at the table with a book. The twins whispered in the corner, which was never a good sign. Molly wrung her hands in front of her as Andromeda approached her.
"Molly, this is Andromeda Tonks," Marlene introduced the two women. "She's Sirius' cousin."
"Pleased to meet you," Andromeda greeted with a small closed-mouth smile.
"Likewise," Molly replied, though she sounded a bit unsure of herself.
Sirius shoved his hands into his pockets. Andromeda often came off as haughty and too posh for her own good. Always dressed to the nines without a hair out of place. Sirius bloody well swore she looked like a model five minutes after giving birth. He hadn't been there, but he had seen the pictures that were taken at the hospital. He had no idea how she was always so put together. He really wanted to catch her on an off day.
"This is my husband, Ted," Andromeda said, waving in Ted's direction.
"Nice to meet you, Molly," Ted greeted with a big ole grin.
Marlene smiled at Sirius as she made her way over to him, her hand running down his arm. "Can you take the kids outside? I'm nearly done, but it's way too crowded in here. I'll keep Maia and bring her out when we're done."
Sirius nodding, wiping his fingers across his chin. "Oi, Teddy, want to take these kids outside to play?"
A chorus of shouts of agreement vibrated off the walls. Molly hesitated for a split second, clearly not knowing if she was supposed to go or stay. Andromeda made the decision for her, asking Molly to help her finish chopping the vegetables for the salad.
The kids played some sort of game where they ran after each other to tap one another. Sirius tilted his head to the left, feeling his neck pop as he kept his eyes on Harry. The kid was animated in a way he wasn't three months ago. It was nice to see him overcome his shyness with the Weasleys at least, even if he coward into Sirius' chest whenever they went into town.
Just as the girls brought out the food, Arthur arrived still in his work robes. Sirius introduced Ted and Arthur who hit it off immediately. Although, Sirius highly suspected that both Ted and Arthur were friendly enough that they could make friends with a bloody rock.
Somehow, the adults seemed to split. Marlene, Andromeda, Ted, and Arthur started talking about their work and Sirius only meandered away from the conversation because he couldn't talk about office politics. Not that he would even if he had a ruddy job. Molly lingered by herself, watching the kids as she wrang her hands in front of her. Sirius sucked in a breath. He wasn't quite sure if Molly liked him or not. Perhaps, he hadn't proved to her that he wasn't like the rest of the Black family yet.
Sirius made his way over to her, standing awkwardly next to her. They watched the kids in silence. When Ginny tripped and fell to the ground, Molly jerked to spring into action but stopped when Harry knelt down next to her. They exchanged words that Sirius couldn't hear before a tear-stained Ginny stood up and grasped Harry's hand. The two of them then ran off together, laughter ringing in the back garden.
"Harry is such a sweetheart," Molly said, her hand pressed over her heart.
"Yeah, he is," Sirius replied lamely back.
The awkward silence filled the air once more. The kids shrieked. The working adults laughed about something. Sirius only shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, his eyes squinting to watch the kids running amuck.
That's when it arrived. He'd know that damn owl anywhere. Hydra swooped down towards him, an emerald green package hanging from her feet. One of the most complicated enchantments around the house had been disabling and wiping any tracing charms placed on owls. It had been important to Sirius given Walburga's attempts of communication in the past.
The owl landed on the ground, glaring up at Sirius. Swallowing down the growl bubbling in the back of his throat, he crouched down and untied the damned package. He shooed the owl away before rising to his full height. His gaze fell on the package and a white-hot anger boiled in his stomach. Sirius tossed the package onto the ground before tugging his wand out. With a snap of his wrist, the gift burst into flames.
"Merlin!" Molly exclaimed.
Sirius clenched his jaw, lowering his wand to his side. "It's from my egg donor," he explained in a bitter tone.
"What?" Molly asked.
Sirius stared at the flames. "My mother," he elaborated. "Just be glad I moved in next door and not her. Trust me, she's every single racist pureblood stereotype that you could imagine."
Molly didn't say anything as she stared at him with wide eyes. Sirius supposed that was probably for the best. He was fairly certain someone should actually like him before he started bitching about Walburga. In fact, neither one of them said anything after that and only watched the kids play in a very awkward silence. They were both obviously relieved when it was time to eat dinner.
Sirius sat between Harry and Ted. Across from him was Marlene and Maia. He raised his eyebrows and offered Maia an upside smile. Maia giggled, her little hands hitting against the tray of her highchair. Sirius slung his arm across the back of Harry's chair. On the other side of Harry was Ron. The two boys played some game where they put their hands on top of each other, each one trying to have their hand on top.
Dinner was a loud and chaotic affair to the point where it was hard for Sirius to even chat with Ted. But Sirius didn't mind. He found himself watching the antics of the kids in complete awe. He had never been allowed to actually have fun at a dinner when he was a kid. Sirius had been instructed to sit up straight and speak in soft, polite tones. To see Harry practically bouncing in his chair as he interacted with the Weasley boys only caused him to smile.
When Marlene brought the cake out, Sirius tried to stop the singing before it started. He had not been successful. Sirius tugged Harry onto his lap, holding the kid close as the cake was placed in front of him. The singing ceased. Sirius instructed Harry to blow out the candles. Cake was served. The table grew quieter than it had been all evening due to the children happily eating their cake. Sirius savored the bit of peace and quiet.
The quiet didn't last long as the cake was gone from the plates and the children grew restless with now a bunch of sugar in their system. The kids bounced in their chairs as they all talked about what game to play next. Sirius hardly paid attention to the kids when Arthur commented on Sirius' Aston Martin and they stumbled upon their shared love of Muggle vehicles.
"Dad, can we fly?" Fred spoke up, a smile spreading across his face. "Please? Charlie said he'd go grab our brooms!"
"He said he'd watch us too so you don't have to," George added.
"Please, Dad, please?" Fred pressed, jutting his bottom lip out.
"Pleaseeeee, Daddy?" Ron added.
Arthur sighed. "Yes, but stay where we can see you!" he caved. "I'll have to put charms on your brooms so you don't freeze your bottoms off!"
Fred whooped. George and Ron grinned.
Charlie pushed his seat back and turned to Dora. "Want to help me grab some brooms?"
"Sure!" Dora agreed, jumping up and then faltering. "Err, can I go help Charlie? Please, Daddy?"
Ted nodded. "Sure, darling."
Charlie grinned as he looked across the table at Harry. "Hey, Harry, ask your daddy if you can fly with us," he said in a soft and patient tone that only a big brother could accomplish.
Sirius stilled at the words, his head turning slowly to Harry sitting next to him. The kid jumped up on his knees and faced Sirius with a wide grin on his face.
"Can me fly, Daddy?" Harry asked in his squeaky little voice, his green eyes pleading up at Sirius.
"Su–" Sirius cut himself off, his brain freezing as he processed what Harry had called him.
Daddy.
All the air left Sirius' lungs as he stared at his godson like he had never seen anything like him before. The title that should belong to James now seemed to belong to him. This wasn't right. No, this was downright wrong. Sirius was See-See, not Daddy. He couldn't find any words to say, almost as though his mind had misfired and couldn't process anything besides panic and guilt. The only thing he could do was stare at Harry dumbfounded.
"Yes, love, you can fly with the kids," Marlene helped. "Just stay close to Dora, all right?"
"'Kay!" Harry exclaimed happily.
"Come on!" George exclaimed.
Harry, Ron, and the twins bolted from the table, running around the garden while they waited for the brooms to arrive. Sirius only stared at Harry's empty seat, his eyes burning from his lack of blinking. Never in a million years did Sirius think Harry would call him any variation of dad. It had never even been a thought in his mind so he had never prepared for this moment. He had clammed up. He bloody well knew that. But how was he supposed to reply to that?
"Sirius?" Marlene's voice rang in his ears.
Except, Sirius couldn't find it within him to look at her. He continued to stare hard at the chair, his chest aching in a near unbearable way. Marlene probably thought the worst of him. But he hadn't been trying to replace James. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He knew he could never be James nor did he want to be James for Harry. He just wanted to be Sirius, the godfather. Except, somehow, the lines blurred together and he was dad. Sirius had no idea how to fix that.
"Sirius, love?" Marlene pressed in a kind tone he didn't deserve.
Pushing his chair back, Sirius rose on shaky legs and refused to look at any of them. "Excuse me," he croaked.
With his gaze focused on the ground, Sirius made his way towards the house. He needed to get away, to be alone. His stomach rolled with nausea as he made his way into the house. He didn't bother taking off his shoes or jacket as he made his way upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. His legs led him through his bedroom and to the loo. His knees hit the tiled floor in front of the toilet and he dry heaved. When nothing came out after a minute, he dropped back to sit across from the toilet, his knees bending so he could rest his forearms on top.
Sirius just felt numb. He didn't know what to do or think about it all. All he knew was he was a bloody fucking traitor. James entrusted him with his child. Sirius had only stolen James' place in his life. What the fuck was wrong with him?
"Siri?" Andromeda called from the doorway, using a childhood nickname that he hadn't heard in at least fifteen years. "Can I come in?"
Sirius didn't say anything. He just continued to stare at the toilet. Andromeda must have taken his silence as a yes, because she entered the room and sank down onto the floor next to him. Reaching out, she grabbed his hand in hers. She forced his hand into her lap, her other hand encasing around it.
"What's wrong exactly?" Andromeda asked. "Do you not want Harry to call you dad? Or is there something more to it?"
Sirius pressed the back of his head into the wall behind him. "I'm not supposed to be his dad," he whispered in a pained voice. "James is his dad. I'm just the godfather."
"Ahh," Andromeda replied, nodding. "Yes, but James isn't here."
A sharp pain jabbed at his heart.
"James not only named you Harry's godfather, but he also named you his legal guardian if anything happened to them," Andromeda continued, her thumb brushing along his hand. "James wanted you to be Harry's dad if he couldn't."
Sirius screwed his eyes shut. "I wasn't supposed to take the title."
"Harry is two years old, Sirius," Andromeda reasoned. "He was only fifteen months old when his parents died. He may not even remember his life with them anymore."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Sirius snapped, jerking his head to look at her.
"He's a small child," Andromeda barreled on, ignoring his comment. "His entire life is you, Marlene, and Maia. His entire life revolves around this home. He's a smart kid. He hears what Dora calls us. He hears what the Weasley children call their parents. Merlin, even you and Marlene use those names with Maia. Harry has no concept that you're his godfather or what a godfather even is. He probably has no idea why he calls you See-See. He probably thinks he should call you dad like the other kids," she explained, a soft smile gracing her face. "Charlie told him to ask his daddy. He's heard strangers call you his dad before. He hears these things. He picks up on things."
"But I'm not his dad though," Sirius whispered, his vision blurring.
"But you are, Sirius," Andromeda insisted. "You really are. You have the paperwork to prove that you are. You act like a father to him. You have given him everything you have in you. You've given up your entire life and, and devoted yourself to him and to Maia. You're a very different man than you were before you gained custody of Harry. You are far more gentle and patient and kind. You're… you're silly now. I see it in the way you play with Harry. You'll do anything to make him laugh."
Sirius let out a shuddering breath.
"When James and Lily asked you to raise Harry if they died, this is what they wanted. This is what they expected of you," Andromeda insisted. "They wanted Harry to have a normal life with parents and siblings. If he were older, he may have never called you dad. But he's so little. So, so little, Sirius."
"I can't take that away from James though," Sirius pressed, sniffing. "James is his dad."
Andromeda licked her bottom lip. "If you could talk to James right now, just one last time, do you think he'd be angry at you? Do you think he'd be angry that you have made Harry comfortable and established a family with him?"
Sirius shrugged.
"Don't think of it as you stole the title. Think of it as, as Harry has two sets of parents. He has his Daddy Sirius who he lives with and he has Daddy James who watches over him. You can share that title with James, for Harry's sake. Just because Harry calls you dad doesn't mean you still can't tell him all about his other dad that loved him so much that he died for him."
"Yeah," Sirius croaked. "I, uh, I think I just need some air. Can you tell Marlene I'll be back in a little?"
Andromeda searched his face. "Where are you going?"
Sirius didn't know where he wanted to go. He just wanted to walk until he cleared his head a bit and hopefully find some perspective.
"Just into town," Sirius settled on saying.
Andromeda looked like she wanted to protest but, luckily, she didn't. While Andromeda made her way back to the table outside, Sirius found himself walking towards town. The children's laughter rang loudly until he made it over the small hill. Then, there was just the sound of his shoes on the gravel road until he reached the small village.
Families passed him, little boys hanging on their dad's arms and small voices talking. Sirius would do anything for Harry. Literally anything. He'd steal, kill, and burn down an entire village if it meant protecting the kid. He wasn't above committing morally dubious acts if it meant that his family was safe. But how could he take James' place in every single aspect of Harry's life? Sirius felt like he was slowly erasing James' entire existence. How was he supposed to live with himself if he did that?
Darting down an alleyway, Sirius hid from prying eyes before he Apparated. It was raining in Herefordshire when Sirius arrived. The icy water sending shockwaves through Sirius' body. He paid no attention to it as he walked towards the village. The Godric's Hollow sign was just barely visible in front of him. He hadn't been to Godric's Hollow since the funeral. Marlene had. She laid flowers on their graves on Halloween, but Sirius couldn't find it within himself to go with her. He insisted he stay home with the kids and barely held it together.
His heart quickened when he caught sight of the graveyard. His limbs trembled as his fingers wrapped around the cold gate. His breaths came out in harsh huffs as the gate squeaked upon being opened. As though possessed, his body moved towards the middle of the graveyard where the Potter plots were located.
He saw the potted yellow orchids first, bright and cheerful and so bloody alive. Orchids were Lily's favorite flower and yellow was James' favorite color. Marlene thought of everything perfectly. Sirius fell to his knees, the wet ground instantly soaking through his trousers. His limbs twitched from the cold, his warming charm from earlier had long worn off.
"I'm sorry," Sirius croaked, his palm pressing against the stone above James' name. "I'm so sorry," he choked with a sob. "You'd loved the little person Harry's becoming. He's obsessed with flying and loves animals and listening to Quidditch games and sailing and singing along to Henry the Hippogriff. He adores Dora. Andy and Ted made themselves his honorary aunt and uncle. He's absolutely enamored by the Weasley family. The best thing we could have done for him was more to Devon. Harry's so happy there."
Sirius sniffed, his hand wiping across his wet face. He couldn't tell if it was rain on his face or tears. Not that it mattered. Sirius didn't care about anything in that moment. Sirius slid his body until he was sitting on the ground, his body leaning against the headstone. He found himself talking about everything that had happened in the past year. A lot of it revolved around Harry, everything from his development milestones to the silly things he said and did. He shared Harry's pitfalls with anxiety and separation. He shared Harry's triumphs of sleeping in his own room and making friends. He told stories about Harry and Potato, about how Archie slept on the foot of his bed every night, and how he loved cooking with Marlene. He told them about the playground set he was eyeing for the spring that was a pirate ship with two slides and a working wheel. There was even a black sail that Sirius thought about replacing with something personalized. He'd have to get some swings as well. Maybe a pirate chest or something to store some outdoor toys.
Sirius talked and talked until his voice grew hoarse and the sun was completely gone. By that point, he could barely feel his limbs. But he didn't move, his eyes screwing shut.
"I'm not trying to take your place, James," Sirius croaked, his fingers curling into fists. "I don't want to be dad to Harry, but I don't want to upset him. I want him to be happy, but he also can't forget you," he rambled, his eyes snapping open. "Tell me what to do. Please, tell me what to do."
There was no answer, because of course there was no answer. His gaze dropped down to his trembling hands. He knew he had to go home. Harry would be waiting for him to start their nighttime routine. Sirius was acutely aware the kid wouldn't sleep until Sirius said goodnight and tucked him in. But he couldn't find it within him to stand up.
Something touched his shoulder, warm and firm. Sirius whipped around, his left hand reaching for his wand. Except, there was no one there. His head jerked around, expecting to see some shadow or something. But there was just darkness surrounding him. Raising up on tingling legs, he finally made his way to the entrance of the graveyard.
When Sirius arrived home, the lights were still on. He glanced down at his watch to see it was half past nine and way past Harry's eight o'clock bedtime. Sirius eased into the front door, closing it as softly as he could manage. He kicked off his trainers. Shrugging off his jacket, he hung it on the hook before he made his way upstairs. His skin still felt the chill of the November air and his clothes were wet, his nose and tips of his ears stinging. He froze at the landing when he heard soft childish sobbing.
"He'll be home soon, love," Marlene's voice soothed.
"Want See-See," Harry sobbed.
Sirius' gut twisted painfully as he made his way down the hallway towards Harry's room. He stopped outside of his door that was open just a sliver. His eyes locked with the wooden letters that spelled out Harry with matching stars surrounding his name. Sucking in a breath, he pushed the door open slowly and peered inside to see Marlene sitting on the floor by Harry's toddler bed with the kid curled up on her lap.
Marlene looked up when the floor creaked under his weight. A frown worked its way on her face as she stared up at him. Harry was too busy crying into Marlene's shirt to notice he had entered the room. Crouching down in front of them, Sirius wrapped his hand around the back of Harry's neck. The kid jerked at the touch, his snotty mess of a face looking up at him.
"Hey, kid," Sirius greeted with a tight smile.
"SEE-SEE!" Harry screeched as he untangled himself from Marlene's arms.
The kid collided roughly against Sirius' chest. Harry wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck in a death grip, his nose pressing against Sirius' neck. All Sirius could do was hold the kid as his eyes locked with Marlene. Her lips twisted, her head shaking. She pressed her palm against Harry's back.
"Goodnight, love," she whispered.
Harry's face turned, leaving a trail of snotty tears against Sirius' chilled skin. "Night-night."
Marlene didn't say anything to Sirius before she left the room. Sirius couldn't blame her. He had been gone longer than he thought he would be. Time had slipped away from him and he didn't even know just how long he had sat on the wet ground next to James and Lily's grave.
"Come on, kid, let's go to bed," Sirius insisted, tugging the child away from him.
"No!" Harry whined, his fist digging into his eye. "No bed!"
Sirius smiled tightly, holding the kid at arm's length. "How about I sit with you until you fall asleep, yeah?"
Harry hesitated for a few moments before he climbed underneath his covers. He asked for Padfoot, so Sirius handed him the stuffed black dog laying on the floor. Harry cuddled the dog to his chest, his face burying into the dog's plush head. All Sirius could see were two bright eyes staring up at him. Settling next to the tiny bed, Sirius stretched out his long legs before he reached over to brush Harry's hair back on his head.
Archibald crept out from underneath the wardrobe. He jumped up onto Harry's bed and plopped down near the footboard. The cat stared at Sirius, looking almost annoyed that he was still in the room.
"Stoweeee? Harry asked.
Sirius glanced over at the kid to see his eyes drooping. Turning so that he could face the kid, he tried to think of the shortest story that he knew but his mind was only annoyingly blank. His eyes searched the room for the stuffed stag and saw an antler peeking out from underneath the bed. Sirius grabbed it, brushing off the dust nifflers.
"There once was a great black dog who was very lonely," Sirius started.
"Pa'foo?" Harry asked, clutching the stuffed dog closer to his chest.
Sirius swallowed. "Yes, Padfoot was very, very lonely. His family didn't like him very much because they thought he was a bit different. All he wanted was to go on grand adventures with someone, to go as far away from home as possible. Padfoot met his very best friend one day. His best friend just so happened to be a stag named Prongs," he continued, resting the stag next to Harry before tucking it underneath the blanket. "Padfoot and Prongs went on a lot of grand adventures into dark spooky forests and soared high above the clouds on brooms. They were always laughing and having fun. Padfoot loved Prongs more than anyone else in the entire world. That was until a little Prongs came alone."
Harry's eyes slid closed, using the stuffed dog's body as a pillow. Sirius reached out, tucking the blankets tightly around Harry.
"Padfoot promised Prongs that he would love and protect Little Prongs," Sirius continued, tugging his wand from his pocket to cast a warming charm on the blankets. "Goodnight, Harry. I love you," he whispered, brushing Harry's hair back lightly with the tips of his fingers.
"Love you," Harry mumbled in a sleepy voice.
Sirius watched his godson for a few moments, his heart heavy in his chest. Soon, Harry's soft breathing filled the room. Standing up, Sirius crept across the room to the door. He shut it softly behind him, a low sigh escaping his lips. He knew he needed to speak with Marlene, but it was probably the last thing he wanted to do after such a mentally taxing day. Upon entering their bedroom, he saw Marlene sitting up in bed with her arms crossed over her chest. She stared at him as he unbuckled his belt.
"I didn't mean to be gone for so long," Sirius explained, shimmying his trousers off. "I just needed to clear my head a bit."
Marlene sucked in a breath and held it for a few moments.
Sirius hauled his shirt over his head and tossed it in the hamper. "You don't have to say it, all right?"
"Say what?" Marlene asked in a flat tone.
Sirius pressed his hands on his hips, standing before her in nothing but his boxers. "That I acted poorly when Harry called me… dad."
"Well, you probably don't have to worry about him calling you that again after you stormed off," Marlene replied, folding her hands in her lap. "As soon as he noticed you were gone, it was all over. He refused to play anymore, just kept asking for you. Nobody could calm him down. The Weasleys left not long after the meltdown started. Ted was able to keep him from spiraling into a complete panic attack."
Sirius felt like a fucking arsehole. "I'm sorry."
"It's not me you have to apologize to, Sirius," Marlene replied, her brows tugging down. "That kid thinks the world of you and he couldn't cope with the fact that you didn't say goodbye to him," she explained in a sad tone. "He sees all the other kids calling their parents mum and dad. He's probably so confused why he calls us Marly and See-See."
"I just… I don't want him to forget about James and Lily," Sirius whispered. "They're his mum and dad. And I… I felt so bloody guilty that he called me dad. It should have been me, Marly. It should have been fucking me."
"You were the obvious choice for Secret Keeper, Sirius! It only made sense to–"
"Not that!" Sirius interrupted impatiently. "I should have been the one to die. Not James."
Marlene frowned. "I can't tell if you're depressed and feel guilty or if you're depressed and suicidal sometimes, Sirius," she whispered. "I don't know how to help you. This, this guilty conscious of yours… Merlin, Sirius, it's going to be the death of you! It's not healthy to move through life wishing you had died or believing you're not good enough for your family. Whether you like it or not, you are Harry's father now. If you want him to feel like you don't want to have that role in his life, then by all means tell him to call you See-See. But if you tell that two-year-old that you're not his dad and you push him away, he's not going to understand. All the progress you've made with him will just shatter."
A lump formed in the pit of Sirius' stomach.
"It was you who brought Harry out of his shell, Sirius," Marlene continued. "Not me. You. You made him feel safe and warm. You made him laugh. You were the one who comforted him late into the evening, holding him and reassuring him. I love that kid to death and I know he loves me, but you and Harry have a very special bond. It is such a beautiful bond. Don't throw it away because of some misguided loyalty to James. James isn't here anymore, Sirius, and he's not coming back. But Harry is here. You should think more about Harry's feelings than James' from now on."
Sirius' heart thrashed in his chest. He looked away from Marlene, unable to look at her any longer. She was right. He was so worried about what James would think of the entire situation that he didn't even stop to think about what Harry needed or wanted.
Sirius knew his childhood was very different than Harry's. While Harry was surrounded by love and acceptance, Sirius had been surrounded by rules and expectations. His father had been cold, emotionally aloof and disinterred in both of his children. His mother had been demanding, making him jump through hoops to receive a speck of affection. There had been so many times he wished he had different parents. In fact, there was one person that Sirius wished had been his father.
Harry wasn't so different than Sirius growing up. Harry would not have a close, loving relationship with his parents either, despite it not being by choice. He'd grow up with dead parents, ones who wouldn't be able to walk him to Muggle primary school or attend his Quidditch matches or help him with homework. He'd never feel their warm embrace or their loving kisses. There would come a time when Harry would wish he didn't have dead parents.
Sirius glanced around the room. His eyes landed on the Pensieve that sat on the chest of drawers. A distant memory played in the forefront of his mind. His throat closed at the very thought.
"Can I show you something?" Sirius croaked. "In the Pensieve."
"Of course," Marlene replied with a tinge of surprise in her tone.
Sirius grabbed his joggers and shirt off the bench at the foot of their bed. He dressed quickly before he padded over to the Pensieve. While Sirius had never actually retrieved a memory from his mind, he understood the theory behind it. Sliding his eyes shut, Uncle Alphard's face burned in the backs of his eyelids as he pressed the tip of his wand to his temple. He pulled his wand slowly away, his eyes prying open to see the silvery mist hanging from his wand. With a flick of his wrist, he tossed the memory into the basin.
Sirius held out his hand for Marlene. She took it, her fingers wrapping tightly around his palm. They leaned forward, closer and closer to the basin, until they were both falling.
They landed in his Uncle Alphard's parlor. Sirius saw his young six-year-old self sitting on the sofa, his legs resting against the back of the sofa and his head dangling off the cushion. His young self looked bored, his arms reaching out so his fingers could fiddle with the pulls on the coffee table.
"Uncle Alphard, are you done yet?" Sirius whined, his hands falling to the ground with an exaggerated thump.
Sirius turned around to see his uncle sitting in his favorite armchair by the fireplace with a financial ledger in his lap. Uncle Alphard handled that family's finances, investing money into properties and other assets. It was how his will went undetected from the rest of the family and allowed Sirius to receive an inheritance since his Uncle Alphard had dealt with the Black family estates and wills as well.
His stomach knotted as he stared at his uncle. He had been devastated when he caught news that his uncle had been hospitalized when his health had taken a turn for the worse. Sirius had just finished Hogwarts and had already moved into a flat with James in Knightsbridge at the time. Apparently, Uncle Alphard had been sick for years but hid it from the family at large. It wasn't until he was basically on his death bed did anyone even found out. Sirius had tried to visit him at St. Mungo's before he passed, but he had been barred from saying goodbye. The next morning, when Fleamont went with him to the hospital to attempt to gain access, his uncle had already passed.
"Patience, Sirius," Uncle Alphard replied, tapping his quill against the arm of the chair. "You act like you didn't just spend the entire evening with me last night playing games and eating our weight in terrible food. You also act like we didn't just go out for breakfast or that we went shopping and I bought you that astronomy table."
"The weekend's almost over with," Sirius complained, shifting on the sofa until he was seated properly. "Then I have to go home."
Uncle Alphard nodded, not looking up from the ledger. "Yes, I believe Mrs Hepworth is coming over for lessons, isn't she?"
Sirius wrinkled his nose.
"And I have to go to work," Uncle Alphard added.
"But being at home is awful," Sirius insisted. "Dad goes to work and then locks himself up in his study until dinner. Then he either goes back into his study or he leaves for the evening. Mum's always writing letters or leaving for the evening too. It's just me and Reggie and the house-elves. Kreacher doesn't let us do anything fun, because he doesn't want to disappoint Mum."
Uncle Alphard sucked in a breath, finally looking up at Sirius. "Your parents may be very busy but they love you very deeply."
Sirius shot him a dubious look. "They don't. They only pretend when they want something or they want to show off at a party."
Uncle Alphard frowned. "Sirius…"
"Can't I live with you?" Sirius pleaded, his hands clasping tightly in his lap. "Please, Uncle Alphard. I promise I'll be really good."
"That's not possible," Uncle Alphard replied in a soft tone. "I'm sorry, kid."
"But you're more of a dad to me than my real dad," Sirius argued, his neck growing red. "You can be my dad from now on."
Uncle Alphard sighed, his head shaking. "Enough, Sirius."
"But–"
"No buts!" Uncle Alphard interrupted. "I'm not your father. I will never be your father. I am your uncle, your doting uncle who loves you very much. But I'm not your dad."
Sirius shot up from the sofa and stormed out of the room.
Sirius and Marlene were kicked from the memory, suddenly appearing back in their bedroom. Turning towards Marlene, Sirius shoved his hands in his pajama pockets as her eyes shined with pity.
"I know it's different," Sirius started in a tight voice. "Harry had wonderful parents. The best parents that any kid could ask for. I know I'm not a better parent. Not by a long shot. But I remember how rejected I felt because Uncle Alphard was… he was everything to me. He was the only one who made me feel loved and accepted. I would lie in bed and wish that I could somehow be his son, because I knew I'd be happier. I don't want Harry to think I don't want to be his dad by telling him to call me See-See instead. I don't want him to feel that same rejection I felt."
Marlene gripped his wrist. "My advice… I would let Harry call us whatever he wants to call us. Let him decide for himself and don't correct him."
"Yeah," Sirius replied in a thick voice.
Sirius didn't sleep that night. He tossed and turned until the sun peaked in through the curtains. The sound of little footsteps scampering on the hardwood floor had never made him happier. It gave him an excuse to get out of bed. The door cracked opened and the silhouette of a small toddler appeared. Harry padded across the room, stopping on Sirius' side of the bed. The kid had his stuffed dog tucked under his arm.
"Me hungry," Harry tried to whisper.
"Shh, I'll grab you something," Sirius replied, glancing at the clock to see it was only six in the morning. "Do you have to use the loo?"
Harry shook his head. "Me want beans on toast."
Sirius sat up, running his hand through his hair. "Can we try to use the loo?"
"No," Harry said, shaking his head in the negative. "Beans on toast."
Sirius hauled the kid up in his arms, feeling the big nappy on underneath his pajama bottoms. Potty training had been an awful fucking experience. Sirius didn't know a toddler could be so stubborn. After changing the kid and using the loo himself, Sirius carried the kid downstairs to the kitchen. He started to brew the coffee before he put the beans on.
Before long, Sirius sipped his coffee and watched his godson eat, he couldn't help but think of the name debacle the previous day. Harry had called him See-See last night in his deliriously exhausted state. Maybe Sirius had freaked out over nothing. It was one time. That was it. Just once.
After breakfast, Sirius led Harry into the parlor and had him sit down on the sofa. Sirius grabbed a photo album from the bottom shelf of the bookcase. James', Lily's, and Harry's smiling faces shined up at him. Sinking into the sofa next to Harry, he opened the album to see a picture of James and Lily lounging by the lake at Hogwarts.
Sirius pointed at Lily. "That's your mum. She was so kind and so bloody sassy. She certainly kept everyone on their toes. Her name was Lily, do you remember that?"
Harry didn't reply. He leaned into Sirius' arm, peering at the photo.
Sirius pointed to James. "This is your dad. He was a bloody moron but he was also the best friend I could have ever asked for. His name was James."
Harry tilted his chin back to look up at Sirius.
Sirius swallowed. "Look, I love you. I need you to know that I love you."
Harry smiled. "Love you!" he chirped before kissing Sirius' arm.
Sirius returned the smile, his chest twisting painfully. "I want you to know that you can call me whatever you want, okay? Anything, Harry. Call me Dad. Call me Daddy. Call me See-See. Hell, call me… call me bloody Bloke with Dark Hair. I don't care. Whatever you want, kid."
A giggling Harry crawled onto Sirius' lap. His hands pressed on either side of Sirius' face. They were warm and soft.
"Silly," Harry said, moving his hands to squish Sirius' face.
Sirius wrapped his fingers around the kid's wrists and pulled them gently away from his face. "But you remember James, right? He's your dad too. Come here."
Sirius adjusted the kid on his lap so that he could plop the photo album onto Harry's lap. He flipped through the album until he found a picture of James and Harry close to the time of his death. Sirius tapped his finger on James.
"Who is that?" Sirius pressed, his chin resting against Harry's temple.
"Dada," Harry replied.
Sirius pointed to himself. "Who am I?"
Harry paused for a moment, his eyebrows knitting down. "Daddy," he said in a sure voice. "Daddy See-See."
Sirius let out a breath as he flipped the page until he saw Lily. "Who's that?" he asked, pointing at Lily.
"Mama," Harry answered.
Sirius pointed to Marlene in the picture. "Who's that?"
Harry tapped his fingers on the book. "Mummy. Mummy Mawlee."
The knot loosened ever so slightly in his chest. "You are very special, Harry, do you know that? You have two sets of parents. You have Marly and me. Then you have your other mum and dad."
Harry's fist rubbed against his eye. "Daddy, me sweepy."
Sirius closed and tossed the photo album onto the coffee table. He shifted until he was laying on the sofa, pulling Harry down with him. The kid settled on his chest, his wild hair tickling Sirius' chin. He grabbed a blanket off the back of the sofa and attempted to cover them both up, though his feet were completely uncovered. As long as Harry was warm, that was all that mattered.
Sirius wrapped his arms protectively around Harry, keeping him secure on his chest. He knew he had to let go of the guilt over everything that happened that led up to the Potters' deaths. Voldemort murdered them. Peter betrayed them. Sirius had tried to save them. He'd be damned if anyone touched a hair on Harry's head. Over his dead ruddy body.
Sirius' eyes slid closed, sleep welcoming him. He felt oddly lighter knowing Harry understood that James was still his dad. Dada. The name that Harry called him when he was only fifteen months old. The name frozen in time, cemented in his brain forever. That was just devastating to Sirius.
There was a lot Sirius didn't know or understand. But he knew one thing. All that mattered was Harry. And Maia. And Marlene. They were his family. Sirius would to put them first. Always and forever.
Hey all! I know I said I wasn't going to post any of my new work on here anymore, but I don't know. I felt the urge to do it today.
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Special thanks to both prewettpotter and justalittleconfusing for all of their help with this story.