Ashfur is awoken by Leafpool changing his cobwebs, chewing new poultice to keep the wound clean before the new webs would be applied. Last night had been exceedingly insightful for the grey warrior. A pity he cannot share his knowledge, not yet at least. No doubt a medicine cat would find the idea of Bloodclan's medicine cats intriguing. Slowly raising his head and flicking his torn ear, Ashfur looks at the working she-cat.
„Good morning, Leafpool"
His greeting turns into a quiet hiss as the medicine cat carefully rubs the poultice into the revealed wound before beginning to close it up with cobwebs again
„Good morning, Ashfur. Sorry, I hoped you'd be still asleep at his part, or I would have offered you some poppy seeds."
Ashfur shakes his head
„Low of herbs as we are? Don't make yourself unnecessary work. I'll be fine."
Looking around the den, Ashfur can't spot the foul-mooded apprentice anywhere.
„Is Jaypaw out looking for herbs?"
Quickly finishing up with the cobwebs, Leafpool shakes her head
„He's outside with his siblings. He's an apprentice still, he should get to spend some time playing with his littermates."
Ashfur hums, distant memories of him toying around in the old territories with Fernpaw and Cloudpaw manifesting in his mind for a moment
„You might be right…"
„Besides, we are not yet done, but we recuperated our supply better than we thought. Brackenfur volunteered Hollypaw to help us, since I did teach her some things about plants. She may not be able to tell one herb from another, but she did find a lot to bring back. We're lucky this leaffall is less harsh than the last"
She chuckles amused at her Ashfur is awoken by Leafpool changing his cobwebs, chewing new poultice to keep the wound clean former apprentice's effort. The chuckle is heartfelt, almost maternal. Ashfur nods, flicking his ear. It is pleasant to speak with such a pure-hearted cat for a change. Her ability to love even her failed ex-apprentice with almost motherly affection is heartwarming to the tom. Unfortunately, his thoughts soon wander to a darker place. As the concept of motherly love occupies his mind, flashes of his own mother appear before the tom, the condition Brindleface was in when they found her… Sorrow overwhelms the tom, utterly pushing aside the warm joy he felt just heartbeats ago. Already back then he couldn't protect those he cared for. He lets out a sigh, looking out through the den's entrance.
Seeming to feel the sudden change in Ashfur, the medicine cat settles down beside Ashfur, worry occupying her gaze.
„Is everything alright, Ashfur?"
The tom's blue eyes look up to her.
„I'll be fine. Just memories."
Leafpool tilts her head, the worry still very much present in her amber eyes
„It's just… you seem to no longer speak as much to your clanmates. You often sit alone, or go off on your nighthunts all on your own… I do worry about you a bit. A few cats in the clan do"
Ashfur hums, his tail lashing lightly, a small amount of anger arising. If he is a subject of gossip, how come no-one has breathed a word of it to him?
„Well, none of them seem bothered to mention any worry to me. In fact, you are the first."
He shakes his head, trying to clear his head from his rising emotions. Anger won't help here. She does not need to be burdened by that as well.
„I just wish a few things had gone differently, Leafpool. I'm merely trying to be better and find ways to fix things. Turns out that I am just not very good at that"
Feeling Leafpool's paw on his shoulder, his ears perk up and he looks at the medicine cat, finding her gaze more understanding than he expected it to be.
„You're a warrior of Thunderclan, Ashfur. You hunt for the clan, you protect the clan, you are teaching a young cat to do these things as well. There is nothing more the clan could ask of you. You have nothing you'd need to prove to any cat"
Ashfur sighs slowly. The kind words are pleasant to hear, but ultimately ring hollow. She believes her words, Ashfur has no doubts about that. For most warriors this would be true as well. But sadly not for him. If there was nothing to reproach him, if there was nothing any cat could ask more of him, then why would he be alone now? Why would the warmth of his life have left him? The only answer that makes sense to Ashfur is that he lacked, that he still lacks. And perhaps, once he finally overcomes that, once he is finally worthy, perhaps then things will go back the way they were. Leafpool is kind and wise beyond her years, but how could she understand this kind of heartbreak as a medicine cat. He can't bring himself to hold it against her though. How could he hold it against a cat to be the very example of loyalty and dedication towards Starclan's codes.
„…thank you, Leafpool. It's very kind of you to say such things. Maybe I'll remember them next time I meet an owl"
In an attempt to salvage at least the medicine cat's mood, Ashfur fakes a chuckle and subsequent smile at the she-cat. Her eyes betray that she is not fully fooled by the tom's attempt, but humours him anyway, her whiskers twitching. She baps Ashfur on the nose with her tail as she turns to walk to her leaf stores to sort her herbs
„I would hope so. Maybe you'll leave the owl in peace next time, or better yet drag it into camp as freshkill"
This time, Ashfur's chuckle is more earnest. Bringing back a great owl? No warrior has ever done that as far as he knows. Small ones are already rare as freshkill, but a big one, how would a cat even go about hunting such prey? Without trying the tom imagines half a dozen ways in which one might try and comically fail.
„I think I'd rather stick to mice and blackbirds for now. I'd rather not be brought back in here for a while after this. Besides, I think Lionpaw will make sure I am too busy for any huge adventures for a few days at least when I get out."
Leafpool turns to look over to the grey warrior, the look in her eyes hard to read.
„How is your apprentice doing, by the way? You seemed upset a few days ago."
Ashfur rolls his eyes, not necessarily pleased to have the conversation turn to be about the young, yellow tom.
„He is a pawful alright… Starclan has blessed him with great talent, but he can be very headstrong and hotblooded. He does tend to forget any respect or caution when the blood starts pumping, which can be… frustrating. He keeps pushing me to further push him. I'm worried he will get hurt at some point with that attitude."
The blue eyed warrior looks down to his paws, flexing his claws out a few times
„I can't quite get through to him the way I did with Birchpaw. Birchfall turned out to be a good warrior. I feel like I'm failing to do the same for Lionpaw"
Growling inwardly, Ashfur realises he's said more than he had intended. He shouldn't burden Leafpool with the troubles he has with Squirrelflight's kit. She has her own rendition of her sister's spawn to deal with already and he mentoring Jaypaw cannot always be easy. Not to mention that she previously tried to mentor the third of the trio already too. He has no right to complain to Leafpool of all cats about this. As he looks over to the medicine cat, he finds her to be in deep thought. It almost seems like she's conflicted and trying hard to come up with an answer to give, only confirming to Ashfur that he should have been silent. After a while, the she-cat pads over
„Maybe try taking Lionpaw out to train with Firestar. If he has time, he'll surely agree. If Firestar tells Lionpaw the same you do, perhaps he will see that you are right. Or at least he won't push as much"
Ashfur hums at the proposition. Lionpaw is Firestar's grandson, perhaps that would work. But he'll need to catch Firestar alone for once to do so. He'd hate to have Brambleclaw, let alone Squirrelflight involved. It seems very drastic to Ashfur, but if it ends up curing Lionpaw from his hubris, he might just manage to finish the apprentice's training without further incidents.
„I will think about it… If Firestar has time to spare"
Leafpool hums, flicking her tail as she rolls her eyes with mild amusement
„He has time to spare more often than you think, Ashfur. Ask him when you're healthy again"
Ashfur was about to answer, when he hears noise from the den's entrance. Looking over, he finds Jaypaw stepping inside, the heads of his siblings peeking inside behind him.
„Greetings, Jaypaw"
„Ashfur. Leafpool, Hollypaw and Lionpaw want to go outside and I could collect some herbs."
Leafpool approaches her apprentice, gently touching noses with the young cat, whom rolls his blind eyes at the gesture
„Only if you are back before the sunhigh patrol and don't stray too far. It might not be entirely safe still"
Ashfur hums quietly. It should be safe right now, at least according to Talon. Then again, perhaps the Bloodclan warrior does not know everything his clan plans either, especially the other factions. With irony he realises that despite knowing more than his clanmates, he knows just as little as them on how safe or not they are.
Jaypaw nods and already turns to head back out, when Leafpool takes another step forward
„Lionpaw, have you visited your mentor yet?"
Ashfur and Lionpaw both look to the she-cat with surprise. Lionpaw huffs, shaking his head, slowly entering the medicine den. Ashfur looks upon his apprentice, trying to push back any thoughts of his mother to the best of his ability.
„Greetings, Lionpaw."
„Greetings, Ashfur"
The two toms touch noses in greeting. Lionpaw looks over Ashfur at the long wound on his back, now again covered in leaves and cobweb. After an awkward few heartbeats of silence, Ashfur sighs.
„Try to get Brackenfur or Brambleclaw to train a bit with you. I'll be out in ten days. Once I am, we do combat training for a several days then. That should make up for the lost time. That sound good?"
Though Leafpool seems less enthusiastic about that proposition, still taking Ashfur's wound into consideration, the small tom's eyes gleam a bit, the prospect of battle firing the golden furred apprentice on.
„Several days? Do you promise, Ashfur?"
„If you promise to stop with the boastfulness, then yes. I promise. Think you can manage, Lionpaw?"
Lionpaw looks away, slightly fidgeting in place, already impatient for it. For a cat of his age, he is already tall grown, making it an amusing sight.
„I will, Ashfur. I won't disappoint you"