(Scenes from Legends of Tomorrow Season 6, Episodes 2 and 3)

Within the past hour, Miss Tarazi and a cured Mr. Constantine have come back. Miss Logue is residing in the latter's mansion. I've tallied over 120 extraterrestrial pods are scattered across the timeline. On second thought, another floating species has landed directly on the windshield. The Legends blench at its splattered organs. Mr. Rory walks over to the console and activates the windshield wiper. "Mick, no," Captain Sharpe says. Unfortunately, it's too late. "Rory, that was a lead. It could've told us something about Sara's whereabouts."

"No, girl," Miss Tarazi declares, "that alien is dead."

"We don't know that." On the contrary. She advances towards the central console. "We actually don't know anything about these creatures. Hey, some species could survive head-on collisions."

Dr. Heywood comments, "With a spaceship?"

"Going thousands of miles an hour," Mr. Tarazi adds.

The captain ignores them both. "Spooner, are you getting any readings?"

"It's dead," she categorically answers after the residue ooze is wiped away.

"Ugh!"

"But the face-sucking squid beasts in those other pods just got dumped," Mr. Constantine expresses, "into the river of time."

This more or less changes matters for Captain Sharpe. "Fantastic."

"Sounds like more unpaid labor to me," Mr. Rory complains. No one else sees him stealing away to the galley or carrying a six-pack of beer to his quarters. As he naps, he grumbles some incoherent speech.

"Okay," the captain ponders aloud, "so every single one of those aliens was on the ship with Sara, which means we just have to find one that should lead us back to my girl. Right?"

Dr. Heywood clarifies, "Your fiancée."

"Right," she lightly chuckles.

Miss Tarazi gives her a side hug. "Gidget, please find us some aliens."

"Please," the captain pleads.

"Actually," I divulge, "it appears we already have a bite, so to speak."

"Where?"

I pull up the coordinates on the control panels for them. "October 10th, 1955. San Bernardino, California. A town known as the birthplace of fast food."

"And ergo the death of the great American eatery." Captain Sharpe peers at Mr. Tarazi for an explanation. "Before fast food, mom and pop burger joints were the beating heart of every town."

"Funny you should mention it, Mr. Tarazi." I report, "The anomaly seems to have started at Big Bang Burger owned by local businessman, Bert Beeman. Within 24 hours, San Bernardino went from a bustling suburban enclave to..." I project dabbled blood on the screen, indicating the bloodbath the town has become.

"Ew," his sister moans.

Dr. Heywood conveys, "Whoa."

"The entire population was killed overnight, leaving no survivors. Historians dubbed it 'the Massacre on Main Street'."

"Mm, no," the captain asserts, "I would've gone with 'Suburban Slaughter'."

"Save it for the podcast." Dr. Heywood receives a slap on the arm from her. "Hey!" As humans would say, it's two for the price of one: encountering an extraterrestrial and uncovering content for StabCast's latest episode.

"This is good news."

"Y'all are dark," Miss Cruz remarks.

"So, we'll go back," Mr. Tarazi suggests, "stop the alien, and it can tell us how to find Sara."

"And how are y'all gonna do that? What exactly is the plan here?"

"Oh, the—well, you're the plan," Captain Sharpe tells the survivalist. "You're gonna help us find the alien and get it to tell us where Sara is."

"Uh, no. I was staying on this ship till you guys get this thing outta my head. That was the deal."

"Apologies, Miss Cruz," I utter, "but that won't be possible."

"What?" She immediately turns to Mr. Tarazi. After all, he was accompanying her in the medbay at the time.

"I was gonna tell you before, you know, the whole alien pods things," he admits. "Gideon didn't find anything to remove. I'm sorry."

An enraged Miss Cruz confronts the captain. "First, you kidnapped me, then you lied. Take me home now." The latter stops her from leaving the bridge.

"Look, I'm really sorry, but I can't do that. I need you to talk to the alien."

"That thing's not gonna give us directions to find your girlfriend. It's gonna kill us."

"Look, you're amongst board-certified superheroes. You don't have to worry about getting killed."

"They took your captain. If you guys are so super, then why didn't you—I don't know—stop them yourselves?"

"Listen to me," Captain Sharpe impatiently orders. "I need you to help us find Sara, okay? After that, I will take whenever the hell you wanna go." She leaves without hearing the survivalist's protests. Mr. Tarazi smiles ironically at her. The captain wakes Mr. Rory from his stupor to get him involved in the mission. They and the other Legends reconvene in the fabrication room for their costumes. In the meantime, I plot a course to 1955 San Bernardino.

I'm already accessing Captain Sharpe's comms. Miss Cruz seems to be scolding someone for jokingly imitating extraterrestrials. I hear the captain addressing her. "The goal is to blend, okay? You picking up any alien signals?"

"Mm-mm."

"Hey, guys, split up and mingle. Find out if anyone's seen anything that could lead us to the alien." Moments later after clicking her teeth, Captain Sharpe mutters, "And hopefully to Sara." The next few minutes, I've gathered data on Big Bang Burger. It started as a small family-owned business; however, it has been struggling until Mr. Bert Beeman added an original sauce to the restaurant's menu. In the meantime, Captain Sharpe questions Miss Cruz. "Did you hear something?"

"I can feel it," she answers. "It's hungry."

Mr. Constantine queries, "Where's it coming from, love?" I track their locations to the back of the restaurant. "What about that waitress? She has glasses like Gary."

"You mean the alien in a waitress flesh suit?"

"Spooner, wait," the captain exclaims.

"Hey! All right, what are you really?" I can hear the frightened waitress's whimpers. "Her disguise is good, but let's see if she can handle this." I suspect Miss Cruz intends to use her gun on her.

"No, no, wait," the sorcerer warns.

Captain Sharpe apologizes to the waitress. "My friend here thought you were an…er, someone else. I'm sorry." The captain soon accosts the latter's would-be assailant. "What happened? What's wrong with your powers?"

"Nothing. I felt it. Look, that thing is nearby." At that point, Mr. Rory has made himself proactive. According to him, a "459A at the deli" has taken place and is quickly succeeded by "a 415 at the butcher's shop" and "a 240 at the meat aisle of the local grocery". Miss Cruz decodes, "An alarm at the deli, an assault at the grocery, and a disturbance at the butcher's. This thing really loves meat."

Mr. Constantine deduces, "That must be how the massacre starts. Let's find it before it gets a taste for another kind of flesh."

"Hey, guys, we have a lead on the alien," Captain Sharpe notifies Dr. Heywood and the Tarazi siblings. "I need you to guard the burger joint. Turns out we have a very hungry alien with a taste for meat."

"Already on it," Mr. Tarazi confidently asserts. I've also found out that he has a history with the fast-food industry. He worked at the Burger Herder during his adolescence years. How is this important? Well, guess who are working undercover as part of the Big Bang Burger staff?

Meanwhile, the captain and her group are investigating at the butcher's shop. Miss Cruz mutters, "Mm, yeah, it's here."

"Here like before or—"

"Look, I spent my whole life trying not to let aliens into my head. Now, in order to try to save your girlfriend, I've got them all in there, which is no freaking picnic. I don't know how it works. I just know it does, so back the hell off." They discover something, but it turns out to be another fluke.

Captain Sharpe inquires, "Isn't that the Big Bang mascot?"

"Ugh," Mr. Constantine attests, "that's just a bloke in an alien costume."

"An alien disguised as a human disguised as an alien. Wow, these things are good."

"The kid is not an alien," the captain declares. "Will you stop pointing your gun at him? Look, he's completely human."

"You sure? 'Cause I never saw a man so mad for meat, and I grew up along our nation's storied buffet belt."

"All right, let's get him back to the medbay and see what we can find out." Captain Sharpe snatches Miss Cruz's rifle. "And, by the way, this stays with me until after we talk to the alien." They reembark to the Waverider as expected. I run a full body scan on the sedated mascot, whose real name is Larry Cooper.

I conclude, "The scan confirms the subject's biology is 100% human."

However, Miss Cruz is not impressed. "His biology might be human, but I'm still feeling strong alien vibes."

"Well, if there is something in there," Mr. Constantine suggests, "the Divination of Hor should do the trick. It extracts all unwanted influences, giving you face with whatever's in him."

She picks up the spell book from the stool behind her. The survivalist cursorily browses through the pages. "So you just rattle off this hooey and magic stuff happens?"

"Yeah, that's right." He closes it when she begins reading one aloud. "Don't finish that unless you wanna summon a trickster prawn."

"Yeah, I'd like to see a prawn get one past me."

"Let's get this over with," Mr. Rory groans.

"All right." The sorcerer recites the Egyptian incantation. The substance promptly retches from Mr. Cooper's mouth. Much to their disgust, it splatters on the ceiling and lands all over the unconscious young man.

"That's some high-grade hooey." Indeed.

"Wait a second, I think I've seen this stuff before," the captain says. "Isn't that Big Bang Burger's secret sauce?" She inches closer, but Miss Cruz stops her.

"Wait, don't touch that, and definitely don't eat it."

"Why would I eat it?"

The survivalist warily approaches the sauce. "That's it. This is the alien."

Mr. Rory quizzes, "That's the alien?"

"What, you mean they're charging $0.25 extra to eat an alien?" Mr. Constantine smirks, "That's kind of a bargain, really."

"That's why I was hearing it all over town. Everyone's got it in them."

"Like some extraterrestrial parasite."

"Okay, okay," Captain Sharpe inserts, "so if this parasitic condiment is the alien, fine. Then that means you can talk to it."

"I told you that's not how it works," Miss Cruz asserts.

"Will you just try?"

"Sara's one day closer to dead," Mr. Rory verbalizes, "and your plan is to hunt mayo."

"Thank you so much for the constructive feedback, Mick. It's really helpful." The sarcastic captain exits and, in the corridors, calls Mr. Tarazi's group. "Guys, listen to me. I need you to stop serving those burgers. Bottle up all that secret sauce and bring it back to the ship. The sauce is the alien. It's like a parasite. It infects people and makes them crave more meat."

"Sorry," Miss Tarazi cuts in, "are you saying that anyone who ate a burger is gonna go super crazy now?"

"Copy that, Ava," her brother proclaims. "We'll 86 these hockey pucks on the fly."

About 25 minutes later, Dr. Heywood updates Captain Sharpe. "Ava, we got a problem. We got all the sauce out of here but turns out there's a lot more of this stuff. Bert says his wife makes the sauce at their house."

"Okay, well, if we find it all, then Spooner should be able to talk to it. I'll head there now." I forward the Beeman's address prior to her group disembarking once more. As before, I access the captain's earpiece. "Okay, let's go interrogate this thing."

"I keep trying to tell you that's not how it works," Miss Cruz argues. "I don't speak alien. It's more like I can sense them, know what they're feeling."

"Know what they're feeling? How is that supposed to get Sara back?"

"You brought me here, jefa. Why didn't you figure that out?" She makes a valid point. The survivalist queries Mr. Constantine and Mr. Rory, "Seriously, why do you people listen to her?" Because she's the co-captain. "She's gonna get you all killed."

"Don't, mate," the sorcerer alerts.

Captain Sharpe snaps, "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you don't cross an alien without losing something. It means the longer you pretend she's still out there—that these things will help you get her back—the more you're gonna lose." Miss Cruz continues, "She's gone, and if you can get that in your head, at least you can save yourself." Her words have struck a nerve whether or not she intends to.

"Shut up, Spooner," the captain blusters. "Watch her, John." She clears her throat as she rings the doorbell. Mrs. Rhonda Beeman greets her upon opening the door. The unsuspecting housewife comments, "So, you're with the police. Which officer are you married to?"

Captain Sharpe responds in a Southern accent, "Oh, well, you probably haven't met him yet seeing as we just moved here and all, but that's why I wanted to introduce myself to you. My, my, my, what a lovely home you have here." She dramatically gasps; has she found the extraterrestrial? Nope. "Is that an electrical mixer?"

"It sure is."

"I have heard about these. Wow, it's like I'm in the future."

"It does everything—cakes, cookies. Oh, you know, I just whipped up a batch. You have to try them."

"Huh? Oh no, I couldn't. I am stuffed. I just had lunch at Big Bang Burger."

"Isn't that something. Well, talk about a 'welcome to the neighborhood'. That's my husband's restaurant."

"You don't say." Captain Sharpe chuckles, "You know what makes those burgers really special? It's that secret sauce. Mm, mm, mmm, and he was bragging to everyone about how it's his wife's recipe."

"It's true," Mrs. Beeman modestly confirms. "My little contribution to the family business."

"You have to tell me how you came up with it. What's your secret ingredient?"

The prim housewife hesitates, "Oh, but I couldn't."

"Come on, now," the captain persists. "Just between us girls."

"Well, all right, but what I'm about to say cannot leave these walls. To be honest, it's a little weird, and I'm not too sure people are ready for the truth."

"I am all ears, no lips."

In a faint voice, Mrs. Beeman discloses, "My secret ingredient is… rice vinegar from the East."

Captain Sharpe lets out a more exaggerated gasp. "Wow."

"I know, exotic. Welp, I should be getting dinner started. These eggs aren't gonna devil themselves."

"I'll show myself out. Toodle-oo." However, she doesn't; according to her heat signature, the captain has snuck upstairs to the Beemans' attic. "Anyone up here?" I detect another heat signature belonging to something inhuman. Mr. Constantine simultaneously notifies her that he and Miss Cruz found something in the garden shed. "Just a second, John." I suddenly discern a third heat signature attacking that of Captain Sharpe. She then is bound. "Ugh…"

"I knew you're up to something," Mrs. Beeman voices. "Is your husband even a policeman?"

"Well, you see, my wife—er, she's my fiancée." The '50s housewife is likely looking sideways at her. "Well, technically, she hasn't asked me yet, but I did say yes, so I guess that makes us—never mind. Sara, my 'friend', was abducted by aliens, and that's what that thing is. It's an alien."

"I have no idea which part of that sentence makes the least sense. I don't care what she is. She's mine. My little miracle, the only thing keeping our business alive."

"Wait a minute, you've been knowingly serving your customers that slime?"

"At first, I didn't know what the stuff came from." Mrs. Beeman recollects how she was serving her husband's favorite Salisbury steak last Wednesday when a drop of the slime landed on his plate. He didn't mind tasting it, though she tried to warn him. Mr. Beeman assumed it was his wife's new concoction and wanted to add it to Big Bang Burger's menu. At that time, the restaurant and their marriage both were floundering. She knew she had to uncover where the sauce originated. "While Bert was asleep, I came up here and discovered this beautiful creature. She'd found her way into our attic. She was small back then, but I knew the universe gave her to me to save our marriage." Her manic laugh echoes through the speakers. "And our business."

"Rhonda, I need you to let me take it from here. We're running out of time. Look at it. It can take over the whole town."

"You're right. If she's growing, that means…" Mrs. Beeman pleasantly gasps, "We could franchise! The Beemans will finally get the success they deserve. Oh, we'll take over more than this town! We'll put those McDonald brothers out of business." As she rambles on, Miss Cruz and Mr. Constantine have found them.

The survivalist knocks the greedy housewife out. "I hate to see a small business go down like that."

"Spooner, I am so glad that you don't follow orders," Captain Sharpe expresses. While she's being freed, she tells them what .

"Okay, so you're saying this lady found a cocoon oozing alien pus and thought, 'Let's put this on the menu'?"

"Yeah," the sorcerer replies, "you might not wanna look at what's in fast food these days."

"If that's the alien," the captain queries, "then why's the sauce driving everyone into a feeding frenzy?"

Miss Cruz answers, "When this thing pops out, she's gonna be hungry. She's been fattening up the town… for her first meal." A consciously frenetic Mrs. Beeman refuses to let them destroy her "American Dream". The giant air-feeder ironically devours her after emerging from its chrysalis. I have a full visual of it after it bursts through the roof. Resembling an enormous moth, it is flying directly for Big Bang Burger.

Captain Sharpe, Mr. Constantine, and the survivalist exit the house. Mr. Rory drives the car over the required speed limit to the restaurant. Upon arrival, the captain realizes it won't help her find Captain Lance as it's too dangerous. So, she enables Miss Cruz to exterminate the alien. In doing so, San Bernardino is saved.

Out of costume, Captain Sharpe pours two glasses of scotch in the parlour. She's about to drink out of one when she notices Miss Cruz entering at the doorway. "Double-fisting. I like your style."

"Oh, I, um," the captain chuckles, "poured it for Sara." The survivalist leans against the table. "It's just habit. Hey, shouldn't let it go to waste." She moves to the chair next to the former's and accepts the other glass.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you find your lady."

"Oh no, Ava Sharpe does not give up that easily." They clink glasses; she says after a sip, "Listen, I owe you an apology. I was so desperate for this alien to be the answer to all my prayers that I didn't even think about how you'd be feeling about any of it."

"Nah, I get it. You know, Sara's a lucky woman."

"Thanks. You know I know what it's like to have people mess with you. It doesn't make you crazy; it just makes you vigilant." Captain Sharpe delicately confesses, "I don't think you were just talking about Sara earlier. What happened to you when you were a kid?"

Miss Cruz falls silent for two whole minutes. Her voice strains when she speaks again. "My mom. I don't know where they took us or what they did to us. All I could remember was that, when I woke up, she was… gone."

"Maybe she's—"

"I have to stop thinking that way. Hoping like that for that long, I mean, that can drive you crazy. Instead, I—I gave up everything preparing for the moment I'd get to blow one of those things away." The survivalist wipes a tear off her face. "Now that I've done it, I thought I'd feel something more. Instead, I got nothing left."

"I mean, you've got us."

"You mean…"

"If you'll stay."

A dubious Miss Cruz looks at the captain. "You want me to stay? I almost killed a mascot in a freezer."

"We need to adjust some of your tactics a little, but—"

"I don't even know how to control this thing in my head. You sure you want to put up with me?"

"Well, we can help you learn." Captain Sharpe shrugs, "This isn't the end for either of us, so…"

The survivalist chuckles but gives a quick smile. "Yeah. You're right. It isn't over. There are still more aliens out there."

"Exactly."

"You can still find your girlfriend."

"Oh, I know we will."

"And that I just didn't shoot enough of 'em."

"Wha um, wait, wait, wait, that's—"

Miss Cruz gulps her drink and stands up. "All right, I'm in."

Captain Sharpe towers over her. "Yeah, that's not what—" She transiently reconsiders, "Actually, that sounds like a perfect plan."

"Okay." They shake hands in agreement, thus starting a newfound alliance. In the lounge, the Tarazi siblings are having a juice cleanse. I have received an update in the timeline I presume he'd like given today's events. Following Mr. Beeman's death, head waitress Sandy Sledge is reopening the restaurant as Big Belly Burger. Miss Tarazi passively supports the "girl boss", though she isn't keen on the name change. She and Mr. Tarazi soon discuss—or rather insistently argue—that the other should utilize the Air totem. His sister accepts she should've respected his boundaries. He, on the other hand, admits being selfish and a bit patriarchal with their family heirloom. The issue is soon resolved with the unexpected appearance of a second replica on her wrist.

24 days have passed, and there's still no clues that can help the Legends find Captain Lance. Captain Sharpe is able to withstand the prevailing situation the best she can. Miss Cruz believes someone's examining her brain in her sleep. Mr. Tarazi is relying on Zen meditation to preserve his calmness. Dr. Heywood is playing video games with him or catching up on his books. Mr. Rory is unable to withhold his frustration whenever he's seen. Otherwise, he intoxicates himself with beer in his quarters. Miss Tarazi has been keeping company with Mr. Constantine either on board or at his manor. Today is the latter option.

Mr. Tarazi is amidst a meditative session when he hears his sister's business cellphone going off for the 40th time. Why would a human own four cellphones? He grabs it and, at his own risk, portals to present-day Northumberland County. The three of them request me to call everyone to the bridge minutes later. When the Legends arrive, Miss Tarazi discloses that her ex-boyfriend, DJ S'more Money, has been murdered by an alien. I uncover reports associated with the news on the central console. "History is literally being made," she declares. "DJ S'more Money's death is shattering records for 'Most Cat-Chats in an Hour'. The whole world saw it. Apparently, the alien killed him during a live taping of Da Throne."

The quizzical captain vocalizes, "Da Throne?"

"In our future, it's a wildly popular singing competition," Mr. Tarazi explains, "and it's single-handedly keeping network television alive in 2045."

"I don't know which is more surprising," Dr. Heywood states. "An alien attacking Zari's ex-boyfriend or the fact that network TV still exists?"

Mr. Constantine asks, "Gideon, do us a favor and bring up the video for them, will you?"

"Smashing! I love an evisceration." I play the aforementioned material. The extraterrestrial, Lord Knoxacrillion, announces his intention "to slay the king". The mechanical trespasser then proceeds to stab the alleged royal in the abdomen.

Captain Sharpe questions, "Why would one of Sara's pod aliens kill a reality star?"

"Maybe the alien mistook S'more for a real king," Mr. Tarazi surmises.

"Yeah," the sorcerer deduces, "and thought that he could usurp Marshmallow Man's power by offing the bastard."

"Okay, so all we have to do is stop an alien from killing a celebrity. Simple enough." With this crew, nothing's simple. "Let's suit up for La La Land."

As they are about to do so, a drunken Mr. Rory makes his presence known. "What a load of crap."

"Oh, yeah, Mick," Mr. Constantine expresses after catching a whiff of his body odor. "Shower wouldn't do you wrong, mate." He clicks his tongue and leaves along with the Tarazi siblings.

"Mick, use your words," Dr. Heywood instructs.

He descends the parlour's steps. "This is a spaceship, isn't it?" Yes. "Why don't we use it to find Sara?"

"Mick, we have been over this," Captain Sharpe groans. "The galaxy is hundreds of billions of lightyears across, okay? One of those displaced aliens is going to lead us to Sara. You and Spooner are gonna QB. Can you show her the ropes, please?"

"No." Mr. Rory walks in the opposite direction. "I'm taking the day off."

Miss Cruz queries the captain, "You're gonna let him talk to you like that?"

"I don't take it personal. That's just Rory."

"Yeah, he's worse than usual," Dr. Heywood affirms. "Sara's absence is really getting to Rory."

"Yeah, I'm sure Sara's absence is really getting to Rory. Must be very hard for him, Nate."

"I'm sorry. We're gonna find her. I bet Sara's pulling a Thor: Ragnarök, kicking some aliens' asses, and they're all shouting her name." He walks out backwards, echoing Captain Lance's name like an imaginary audience.

Captain Sharpe briefly glowers down at the console. "I know Mick misses her," she sighs to Miss Cruz, "but he's not the only one who does."

"Are he and Sara mejore amigos?"

"More than that. They're the last of the founding Legends." Plotting a course to 2045 Hollywood, California, I land the Waverider on Mount Lee near the Hollywood sign. Captain Sharpe and I separately research the show's rules. Each celebrity contestant performs a selection of songs and is judged by the previous season's winner, DJ S'more Money. A secret celebrity contestant appears as the "Wild Card" every season. If there's a first-time act he deems exceptional, the Gold Buzzer will be pressed, which will permit said contestant to the finals. The winner is determined by the number of votes received by the viewers.

Following Saucéy's elimination, Lord Knoxacrillion appears onstage. The host, Mr. Ian LeVine, mistakes him for the "Wild Card" contestant. Dr. Heywood and Mr. Tarazi rush to the stage and prevent the assassination attempt on the presumptuous judge. The public gives an ovation, believing the ongoing conflict is part of the show. Even DJ S'more Money is impressed with the "tight" exhibition. He unwittingly bestows his would-be murderer the Gold Buzzer.

Meanwhile, Miss Cruz has tracked Mr. Rory to the galley. She takes the bottle of beer he intends to drink. "You're supposed to be showing me the ropes."

"Rule #1: stay out of my way."

The unwavering survivalist places it down. "I'm fresh out of Southern hospitality, so I ain't gonna tiptoe across eggshells like everyone else around here."

"Rule #2: this place is like a revolving door. Don't unpack." He reaches for his beer, but she snatches it again.

"Ah, I see what's going on. Ava told me you're the last of the original recruits. I guess I'd be pissy too if I were the last OG."

Mr. Rory feigns ignorance to this, claiming, "What? Haircut got hitched. Sara got kidnapped. And I don't care." He finally grabs the bottle, adding, "And Rule #3: I drink on the job."

At that point, Captain Sharpe calls through the intercom. "Guys, meet me in the lab. The alien's 15 minutes of fame are up." I transfer my surveillance there. She has tricked Lord Knoxacrillion into thinking it's a green room. "So, if you would just step right up there," the captain says, directing him to the brig.

"I see no green in this room." He steps up there, not knowing that she imprisons him.

Dr. Heywood and Mr. Tarazi reembark in time to witness this. The former laughs, "I told you the Iron Giant wouldn't be a problem." He raises his hand for a high-five, but the latter is distracted by the change to the lounge, which now bares a Southwestern aesthetic.

"Oh, yeah," Captain Sharpe agrees. "Looks like Spooner took over your den."

"She moved my citrine crystal," Mr. Tarazi begrudgingly notes. "I was manifesting abundance."

"I know," Dr. Heywood sympathizes, patting his friend on the back.

"On my planet," Lord Knoxacrillion informs, "we use crystals to—hmm, you do not have that word—procreate." Interesting.

The captain addresses him, "You know what, Knox? It is factoids like that that really captivate an audience. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about what you know? Like, do you know where Sara Lance is?"

"Your cardiovascular organ increased to 80 beats per minutes when you said 'Sara Lance'."

She is unruffled by this detail. "Do you know where Sara Lance is? Yes or no?"

"What is a 'Sara Lance'?"

The captain then realizes she'll need to advance the interrogation from a different angle. "How did you get to Earth?"

"I was abducted from my home planet. Eighteen hours ago, my pod crashed in a desert." Following his stasis, Lord Knoxacrillion seeks to fulfill his primary directive: planetary conquests via dueling their rulers to the death.

"Okay, say you win," Mr. Tarazi theorizes, "you hitch a ride in, like, a space cabbie?"

"My inevitable victory will be celebrated with an invasion."

Miss Cruz enters the lab, huffing and puffing. "Picked up the alien vibes from across the ship and—look it here—we already kidnapped him."

"You did not steal me like a whelping! I followed you here, but I am no prisoner." He frees himself by hacking into my security systems. Captain Sharpe vainly tries to reset the barrier. She, Dr. Heywood, and Mr. Tarazi start calling out my name. I cannot reverse Lord Knoxacrillion's efforts as his "superior technology is superior".

The survivalist fearlessly aims her gun at him. "Just say the word, and I'll blow him to kingdom come."

"Impossible! This suit is resistant to even thermonuclear weapons. If you and your ruler cannot fight with honor, the challenge is cancelled. I will call my armada to invade your planet now." He is about to press another button when Captain Sharpe persuades him not to. She urges the others to kneel alongside her.

"Wait, we, uh, may be low peons, but we're honored to explain to you that you got the rules all wrong."

Dr. Heywood appeals, "Yeah, Knox—can I call you Knox? Listen, bubby. Death duels isn't what our planet's really about."

"Yeah, you see," Mr. Tarazi adds, "here on Earth, we need to compete for the throne via song and dance. And with those sick vocals, buddy, you're on your way to becoming the new king."

Lord Knoxacrillion ruminates aloud, "Song and dance? More proof you are an immature species. Very well. I accept the terms of the challenge. Bring on Earth's best competitor."

Captain Sharpe steps out of the lab to update Miss Tarazi. "Okay, long, frustrating story cut short, the alien has to compete for 'Da Throne'. Nate and Behrad are escorting him to the studio now. We need a new game plan." It's not a secret that the captain cannot sing well. At the same time, I rarely see any of the current Legends carrying a tune on board.

Her friend seems to have an idea. "Aves, do you trust me?"

"Always, Z." After a long-winded commercial break, this season's "wild card" is announced: our very own Miss Tarazi. She will face off against Neon Thrills in the semi-finals and compete in the finals should she defeat them. I broadcast the show in the parlour for Captain Sharpe and an ambivalent Miss Cruz. "So, how exactly is Zari throwing her hat in the ring in this circus supposed to put the kibosh on an alien invasion?"

"Uh, we're kind of a Swiss Army knife operation. Every Legend has a utility. So, when you've got a social influencer from the future, you go with that and hope that being a triple threat is still a thing."

"Looks like you know how to handle your team. Except Rory."

"Yeah, well, he's a special case."

"Yeah. Back home, I dealt with guys like him all the time. You give 'em an inch; they'll take your truck and your virginity." Following another commercial break, Miss Tarazi dazzlingly performs her on-brand number "Merci Beaucoup Enchanté". She undoubtedly wins and will compete against Lord Knoxacrillion. "That's a hell of a way to save the world." Enough said, Miss Cruz.

Prior to this, Mr. LeVine consecutively interviews them. Miss Tarazi embellishes her and Mr. Constantine's relationship. His punk makeover matches his edgy attitude. In fact, he abruptly dumps Miss Tarazi on camera, leaving her self-conscious among the murmuring audience. Mr. Rory walks in and see Lord Knoxacrillion on the screen. "That's an alien," he says while grabbing a handful of potato chips on the table. "Why haven't we caught him?"

"We did," an engrossed Captain Sharpe answers. "It's complicated." The fan-favorite finalist reveals himself to be an Archai from the planet Arkana. He confesses to being abducted by "a gangster feared all over the galaxy" named Kayla. She, according to the literal-minded extraterrestrial, "has a face with chicken wings on it".

Mr. Rory heads to the central console. "Gideon, uncloak. Initiate Matador's Last Strike." I would be remiss if I didn't tell you I was programmed to defer all override codes.

The captain and Miss Cruz pursue him. "What the hell are you doing, Rory?"

"Last of the OG's picked up on a few secret commands."

"You just can't fire on Hollywood."

"Watch me."

I activate all weapon systems. "Shall I prepare to fire?" Captain Sharpe's "no" clashes with Mr. Rory's "yes". The wincing survivalist senses that something is coming. I notify them, "I detect alien battleships entering the Earth's atmosphere."

While my alarms blare, I transmit a video call from Lord Knoxacrillion at the pilot's seat. "Fire on me and your ship will be destroyed. Try another trick and the invasion will begin."

A horrified Captain Sharpe turns to Mr. Rory. "What the hell did you do?"

He didn't take this outcome into account. "Uh, the Earth was screwed anyway." Miss Cruz silently impels the captain to rebuke the alcoholic.

She follows him to the corridors. "Mick, we need to talk, okay?" As she stops him, he pulls his heat gun on her. "What, you're gonna shoot me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

He sobers up and lowers it, though his aggression is sustained. "If you were kidnapped by aliens, Sara would've found you by now."

Captain Sharpe crosses her arms, scoffing, "You know what, you're right. I wish I was the one taken, but I wasn't. And I am sick of your bad attitude, your drinking, and your lack of personal hygiene, okay? What would Lita say?"

"She's at college," he grumpily responds.

"That's great."

"No, it's not." As it turns out, he has been experiencing empty nest syndrome as well. "She never returns my calls. When she does, she's always whispering or she's at some party and there are boys in the background." He shudders at the last part.

"Mick, just because Lita's busy, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore. Okay? It just means she doesn't need you. But I do; Sara's missing, and it isn't just hard for you. So, get yourself together or get the hell off my ship." The captain walks past him, leaving him in thought.

She returns to the parlour to watch the finals. Lord Knoxacrillion uses a synthesizer for his voice. The virtual audience enjoys the "gender-bending diss track". When it is Miss Tarazi's turn, she strives to sing the first verses of the Buzzcocks' "Ever Fallen in Love (with Someone You Shouldn't Have)" due to her overwhelming emotions. Mr. Constantine suddenly accompanies her on an electric guitar. This greatly elevates her mood; the solo performance turns into a duet ending with a tender gaze between the two.

Despite a double reveal involving impersonation and foul play, Miss Tarazi has won Da Throne. Captain Sharpe and Miss Cruz are loudly cheering in the parlour. I am also quite pleased. Lord Knoxacrillion graciously recalls his armada. In the bridge, the Legends are drinking champagne. The Tarazi siblings are having orange juice. Captain Sharpe tells Miss Tarazi, "I never doubted you for an instant."

"I sure as hell did," the survivalist admits.

"Well, I couldn't have done it without my team. My fashion guru, Behrad. Nate on hair, and of course… my boyfriend." The captain looks sharply at Mr. Constantine, who is standing between them.

"Now there's a word to make lesser men wilt," he wryly comments. The sorcerer and his girlfriend hold hands in front of the other Legends. She asks him as they exit the bridge, "Scared?"

"Terrified."

"Me too." They portal to his manor for some quality time. Lord Knoxacrillion has joined the remaining Legends to fulfill his promise. He prostrates himself and freezes. His face dismantles, unveiling the Archai's true size. I have to zoom in on him to get a better look. The shocked onlookers quickly react to Miss Cruz pulling her gun at him. Captain Sharpe swiftly disarms her. Mr. Tarazi lies on his stomach in awe. "Can't you see? He's as small as a grasshopper."

"And like one of your grasshoppers," the miniscule Lord Knoxacrillion asserts, "my kind is ancient. Technology and subterfuge has been key to our survival. My—" His lifespan is terminated by Mr. Rory's boot. Mr. Tarazi and Dr. Heywood scream in alarm.

Captain Sharpe exclaims, "Rory!"

"Listen, I got to thinking. Sara was smuggled on a ship; we've been searching for the wrong cargo. We need to find the driver." He displays a sketch of an extraterrestrial based on the late Archai's description. "The alien called her Kayla."

The captain points at the picture. "You drew that?"

"I did. Anyway, we find her, we find Sara. So, what do you think, Cap?"

"Rory, I think… that's an excellent idea."

He grunts, "Oh, good." Captain Sharpe can't stop smiling that day. Not only did her words got through to Mr. Rory, but also the Legends finally have an effectual lead.