A/N: Lemon Warning
The Shadow Gallery
Acceptance
Timing: After Childhood's End
Characters: Misato and Shinji
In many ways, Misato wasn't looking forward to this. Yesterday, Hikari ensnared her in an attempt to get her to accept what she has become. The idea of being considered a monster didn't sit right with her.
"We cannot deny what we are…"
"Well maybe we can't, but isn't it only human to rail against fate?" Misato explained to no one.
Still in her bedroom, now pacing, she considered her position again. Was it really denial like Hikari stated, or was the situation twisted and reversed? Hikari used her body to try to prove her point, and Misato was having a very hard time getting that out of her head.
The nectar passed her lips… normally Misato would have expected there to be at least a somewhat bitter taste of urine mixed in, but the girl was sweeter than the most natural honey she had ever tasted. It was in her milk and it was her vaginal secretions. The taste alone was almost enough to push her over the edge…
Misato shook her head out, trying to get such thoughts out of her mind. Her shoulders rolled uncomfortably as she felt her nipples hardening inside her bra just from the memory of it. But fingers, skin and tongue were one thing… Misato felt her pubis begin to become sensitive again inside her panties… that ache she felt when she needed a man, like a hole that demanded to be filled. Misato did so love to have sex with other girls, but she still needed a man to really fill that primal need, now turned demonic imperative.
Or addiction…
She got closer to the window, and heard the conversation below. Though Shinji knew about her liaison with Hikari, the rest of the household was somehow oblivious to it ever happening.
"She going to be okay?" Mari asked with concern.
"I'm sure it's just a bit of malaise," Shinji explained. "Let's not forget she just recently achieved full power. I imagine there is still a bit of adjustment she needs to go through…"
He's not wrong, Misato thought to herself.
"How big is this place anyway?" she heard Asuka ask. From Misato's position, she couldn't see the people involved in the conversation, but she was easily able to make out their voices… and knew full well who was involved.
"Kodama mentioned fairly large," Shinji replied. "While the books she needs are obscure, she assures me they are in fact in that archive. There shouldn't be anyone there so you should have plenty of time to locate the volumes in question."
"I'll provide transportation and act as a look out while the two you of find the volume," Hikari added. "It's unfortunate Misato can't help us right now, but we can't wait any longer."
"Get in, find the books and get out," Shinji clarified. "Easy as pie."
"Why aren't you coming?" Asuka asked.
"Misato took care of me when I was at my lowest," Shinji explained. "It would be poor form if I didn't return the favor. Besides, I'm not comfortable leaving her here alone, regardless of how hard to find this place is."
"Hey, this is a milk run," Mari noted. "Besides, we still haven't finished getting better acquainted, yet."
Shinji snorted. "I think the two of you are more acquainted with each other now than with me."
"Jealous, Master?" Mari teased seductively.
"Hardly," Shinji replied. "I'm having a hard enough time keeping up with you nymphos."
Misato heard the girls giggle like the teenagers they were. Looking down, she saw the three girls moving further out into the backyard. Hikari summoned her rose around the three of them.
"We'll be back in two days," Hikari promised.
"Good luck girls," Shinji called out. "And be careful." Moments later, the rose along with all three girls was gone. Shinji was now visible in the backyard in one of his more casual outfits. He looked out over the yard for a few moments before turning towards the house and looking up. Misato stared at him for a moment before she had to look away; his gaze at that moment seemed to push though her. When she looked back, he wasn't there, but she could hear him in the house now.
"Here goes, I guess…"
On a dark desert highway,
Cool wind in my hair
The warm smell of colitis,
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance,
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim,
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway,
I heard the mission bell
I remember thinking to myself,
"This could be heaven or this could be hell"
Then she lit up a candle,
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
Thought I heard them say….
Misato was still staring out the window when she heard him stop at the doorway to this little room that she called hers.
"I supposed we should be grateful Selina kept such detailed notes about her research," Misato offered. "Otherwise, we would never have known about this archive in the first place."
She heard him sigh audibly. He always did that when he knew he was about to enter a conversation he wasn't expecting to enjoy. It was much better than what his father would do… which was just stare though his literal rose colored glasses past his steepled hands to consider the person he was talking to without revealing what he was feeling or thinking. Shinji was much easier to read in that regard. Though he had power now, he was still the same boy that reluctantly went to war against heaven.
"What is so important you couldn't support the girls on this one?"
Straight to the point. Misato was hoping to ease into the conversation, but Shinji wasn't having it. In that respect, the apple did not fall far from the tree.
"We need to talk…"
"About?"
"Us."
Misato turned around to see Shinji now staring at an uninteresting spot on the floor nearby. He looked at her once again. "We did what we needed to do. Is that what you want to hear?"
"No," she replied flatly. "Because you and I both know it's not that simple." A brief flash of feeling and emotion hit her as her mind drifted back to the night in question. Her nipple hardened as she remembered Asuka's mouth on it. Her blood pulsed though her apex as she remembered being filled by Shinji's cock.
"When is it ever?" Shinji challenged, pulling her out of her memories.
"This isn't just going to go away," Misato protested. "We had sex…"
"We made love," Shinji countered, again knocking Misato out of her train of thought. "I did do it to help you gather the energy you needed to defeat Octavia… but it meant more to me than that…"
"You're so well adjusted," Misato replied with an almost sardonic edge to her voice.
"Hardly," Shinji countered, without any aggression in his voice. "I'm struggling with this as much as you are." Misato hadn't considered that Shinji was simply putting up a front in all of this, that deep down he was just as emotionally confused about it as she was. "It had to happen that way, but… it meant more to me than I believe you think it did."
To Misato, it seemed like Shinji remembered something… something so profound that it altered his very view of her, but the look also revealed he was struggling with it.
"What is it?"
Shinji just shook his head. "I doubt you would believe me. But either way, I just want you to know that I do love you… no more or less than any of the girls. It's just… this is so awkward. I never expected to make such close connections with a girl before, and now I have it with four of them. A year ago, if you told me this would happen, I would have called you insane."
Misato sighed. "I know what you mean all too well," she replied. "When I was younger, I used sex as a way to forget my horrible childhood trauma and just… enjoy life. I knew it was starting to turn into an addiction… especially that night with both Kaji and Rits… but as the war progressed, I left that part of me behind… or so I thought…"
"Then yesterday happened," Shinji noted, completing her train of thought.
"All at once, I'm back at a friend's wedding with Rits… only this time instead of having sex with one of the bride's maids, it was the flower girl."
Shinji smirked slightly at her pun, but the subject matter did not allow him the luxury of a laugh.
"Hikari said we can't deny what we are, but what if I'm not sure I like what I am?" She looked away towards a spot on a nearby wall. She tried to use levity to her advantage but her fears were overriding anything resembling control. "Sex was an escape before… now it's like food and water to me. I was always afraid I'd end up becoming a nymphomaniac… this is worse!" She felt the tears coming but fought them.
The next thing she knew, he was holding her from behind. Since she had lost a bit of her height from her transformation, and he had gained some from simply growing up, she was able to lean against him without even the slightest bit of awkwardness as far as that was concerned. She almost didn't want him to do this, but knew he would… and she knew she would need it. It was her favorite way to be held by anyone, especially a man.
"I understand better than you know," Shinji replied to her concerns. "Everyday I feel the shift towards the darkness, and everyday I fight it back and get on with my life. The power… so seductive… I can easily lose myself to it… yet I fight it off. That isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, I worry I'll lose control and finally abandoned my own humanity. But then I realize something."
Misato hung on his words, hoping to hear something to make her feel better.
"The merest fact that I am questioning what I'm becoming, and worrying about slipping away means that in essence, I am still human. A true monster wouldn't question what they were, or worry about the consequences of losing themselves… they simply wouldn't care. But I do… I'm still trying to find balance in my life, trying to make this whole harem thing work, wondering how many others I'll end up being responsible for. Will it be just the four of you, or do I have more in my future. If so, how many more? Will I know them like I know most of the girls I have now? Even beyond this, I worry about how many more candidates I'll have to face, and what form they will take… But my biggest worry, is at what point do I kill enough of them to start becoming… him."
Shinji sighed again, and Misato felt it through her body this time. His grip tighten… she could almost feel the desperation.
"Each day I slide closer… and I know one day I'll reach the tipping point. Will I even have control over myself after that, or will Vlad obliterate all that I am, leaving me nothing more than a memory. So, you see… I have to believe I can retain my own mind. That belief is how I know I'm still human."
Misato pulled slightly, and Shinji released her.
"You've always been strong," she began. "You endured things no boy should ever have had to. I often wonder if I would have been as strong if I had the opportunity to fight the angels myself. I suppose with current events being what they are, I'll have that answer soon. But the point is this… you've ALWAYS been strong. There was a time in my life that I knew true weakness, where I couldn't even speak…
"You're so strong, Shinji-kun… I just don't know if I have that strength in me."
"You'll find it," he assured her.
"But what if I can't?"
"Misato…"
She turned away from him again. "I… I need time."
For a few moments the silence became deafening… the cicadas could be heard outside, the ticking of a clock three rooms away was suddenly quite loud.
"Alright," Shinji finally replied, breaking that silence. "But you know where I am if you want to talk some more."
Misato didn't even turn around. She heard him leave and yet, she still stayed right where she was, almost afraid to breathe too hard. Silence returned along with the buzzing of wild life and the ticking of the seconds passing by.
It wasn't until it was almost too dark to see that she finally moved…
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted,
She's got the Mercedes-Benz
She got a lot of pretty pretty boys,
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard,
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember,
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here
Since 1969"
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night,
Just to hear them say….
Hours later, the sun was well below the horizon, and darkness reigned over the forests surrounding the house. Misato didn't think she would ever get used to seeing it like this. She was a city girl all her life after her father died, and so was used to the constant street lights, the buzzing of distant air conditioners and the occasional car passing by during the night. All sounds that were conspicuously absent in the middle of a forest, replaced by the sounds of wildlife and the occasional breeze through the trees.
It was overcast tonight which mean there would no lights in the sky to show the details of the forest. Misato stared as the last vestiges of light left the sky, leaving perfect darkness to surround the house. As a demoness, she could have easily focused her eyes to see past the gloom, even if she could only see things in shades of grey. However, she wasn't sure she wanted to see what was out there.
Sighing, she pulled the shades closed and started to undress for bed. Deciding to go customary, she was clad only in panties and a sleeveless top. She stared at herself in the mirror, still not used to seeing herself so young again. Without the bra her breasts didn't sag overmuch, as if gravity was just a suggestion.
Pulling back her covers, she was about to lay down when she suddenly felt as if she couldn't.
Don't tell me…
A small fire lit in her body within her apex. Misato closed her legs and tried to ignore it. But then the ache began… that feeling of having a hole in her that needed to be filled desperately. She tried to get her breathing under control but the heat in her pelvic region was impossible to ignore. The hunger had returned in force, and it had been only 30-ish hours since she last "fed".
Can't I have just one more night?
She placed a knee on the bed, but felt the wetness begin to form within her. Her cheeks became flush and her heart began to race. She could smell Shinji despite their distance, and the ache spread from her apex through her tummy and towards her chest. Her heart beat madly, her saliva nearly caused her to drool like a starving hound. Her breasts suddenly felt fuller, nipples painfully erect… they demanded to be touched, and Misato knew instinctively that they didn't desire her own hands.
Now almost possessed, she dropped the edge of her blanket and removed her knee from the bed. She wandered out of her room, biting her bottom lip as she quietly stalked her prey. Already she had become the animal again, the sex kitten inside of her clawing at the walls, demanding to be touched.
She wandered the halls, finding her way back to the master bedroom, back to him. Need pulsed though her being, her blood calling out for her master. Her hand fell upon the door, turned the knob… it wasn't locked… she entered quietly…
He was there, sitting on the bed facing the door. His covers were pulled back and all he was wearing was a pair of silk boxers, openly expecting her… inviting her to him. She closed the distance almost aggressively. He didn't fight her… arms welcoming… gentle smile beckoning her...
Their lips met… he pulled her around and down on her back, leaning over her and never breaking the kiss. She thrusted her body against him, feeling the strong chest against her own. Their tongues danced, their hands roamed, the straps holding her top up were pushed over her upper arms. She moaned in his mouth as his strong hand took hold of her breast and squeezed with just the perfect amount of pressure. Her nipple couldn't possibly be harder as his thumb rounded it, her breast swelled within, every nerve ending was on fire… His very touch excited her to levels she never knew possible.
They parted mouths and she managed only a single breath before moaning loudly as his mouth sealed over the areola. Her panties were pulled down and were barely off when his hand slid over the mound. Her hips thrusted, forcing his fingers inside of her. The hand slid back and forth as the middle and ring fingers slid in and out, getting slicker with each pass. His tongue swirled setting her chest on fire. She pulled his face back to her mouth, kissing him deeply as he continued to fuck her with his fingers. Her leg bent at the knee as she lifted it to her side, opening her flower for him to slide deeper within her, the sound of fingers sliding in and out became the loudest thing in the room.
She pulled his boxers free before taking the initiative at last, rolling him on his back as she continued to kiss him. His hand came free of her flower but she didn't care. Taking hold of his member, she proceeded to stroke and yank as they continued to share such an intimate, endless kiss. Finally, she broke from that and slid down him. She felt him brace himself as she took him in her mouth. Her head bobbing vigorously as she relaxed her throat and took all of him at once. She never knew how to do that before, but now as a succubus, the trick was ingrained in her knowledge.
His hands grasped the sheets as she continued to administer pleasure to her master, her tongue polishing the underside, feeling it almost pulse in time with his heartbeat. Occasionally she would pull it out of her mouth completely to give it a good rub as she wound her tongue around the tip. He was already starting to leak, and the taste was beyond her greatest expectations. She wanted it all… she gently rubbed his balls as she continued to aggressively blow him. His breathing hitched and his hips started to buck. She felt his balls get pulled up and managed to bury him to the hilt in her mouth a split second before the pulse at his root began. With perfectly relaxed ease she took it all without so much as a light cough.
She rolled off reaching for the glass of water on the end table as her master recovered from his orgasm. She drank half of it, feeling relief, her mouth somehow impossibly dry despite what she had just done. As soon as the glass of down she felt arms wrap around her midsection.
"Come here!" Shinji commanded, causing Misato to giggle like a teenager again. She ended up on her back, and started to shimmy up and Shinji slid down. Wasting no time, she pulled her knees up spreading her legs as he attacked her slit again, this time with his tongue. Her loud moans sounded her appreciation as his tongue hit all the right notes. Each flick of her clit drove her insane with more pleasure, but the ache inside refused to abate from a mere tongue.
Unable to take it any more she pushed him off, pulling her shirt over her head and throwing it aside almost aggressively. Before he could even give her a quizzical look her seductive smile and beckoning gesture while she kept her legs the same way was apparently all the hints he needed. He climbed on top of her, impaling her as soon as he was in position. Misato cried out with joy as the space inside of her was finally filled. Her thrusted into her vigorously despite having just climaxed a minute ago, his manhood showing no signs of softening. Her knees thrust into his sides, encouraging him to go harder.
They stared into each other's eyes like lovers who have been doing this for years. Her legs locked behind him as he leaned down and kissed her deeply, all the while never letting off the tempo. In that moment she felt more than just her lust being satiated, she felt loved. Not even Kaji, who she once did a similar thing to her, could have produced such feelings and emotions. Her heart swelled as their tongues caressed, and her body heated up as she finally began to pull energy from her lover. Shinji didn't fight it, continuing to satisfy all of her needs with his actions.
Misato finally broke the kiss leaning up to whisper in his ear.
"Hold me like you did before," she whispered. They briefly separated and Misato faced away from him. Shinji slid in behind her, entering from as his arms wrapped around her body, one holding a breast and the other over her tummy. He continued to thrust into her as his hands roamed. Somehow, he was now hitting places inside her body she didn't even know existed. He nibbled on her neck as she was now nearly crying out in pleasure with each thrust. The hand over her tummy slid to her clit and rubbed it in time with the thrusts.
She went silent; her inner walls suddenly squeezing, as Shinji thrust one last time into her, holding it as her body milked his orgasm. She came harder than she ever had before, sharp breaths marking each pulse of her body as she felt him spill within her. Her body was drinking it all without fail. Slowly she started getting her breath back as he held her, rubbing her chest and upper stomach to calm her enough so she could breathe again.
Finally softening, he pulled out of her. She rolled over as he slid back allowing her to do so. They held each other, her head against his chest still breathing hard, but now finally sated. Her back gently being rubbed by her master as the comforter covered her, surrounding her with enough warmth to keep her from shivering. No words were exchanged between them, none were needed.
Misato felt Shinji begin to fall asleep and smiled softly. Then… it hit her again, yet much weaker this time… guilt from fucking her own ward. At first, she was slipping into worry and sadness again, but this time… something changed.
I know why I feel this way… it's because I love him more than anything. I'm always going to worry that this won't work between us, that he'll always feel like a son, and this is wrong… but… maybe that's okay.
Hikari was wrong about one thing… I don't have to accept that I am a monster… because I'm more than that. Shinji was right… true monsters don't care… but I do. I guess in a way, I'm still human…
Misato gently pushed some of the hair from her lover's brow. He seemed so content there, holding her like a lover.
"I will not let go of the part of me that is human," she whispered as to not wake him up. "And now I can accept what I have become. Rest well my ward… my master…"
… My king.
Mirrors on the ceiling
The Pink Champagne on ice,
And she said… "We are all just prisoners here,
Of our own device"
And in the Master's Chambers,
They gathered for the feast
Try to stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember,
I'm running for the door
I have to find the passage back,
To the place I was before
"Relax," said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave…."
-The Eagles, "Hotel California"
A/N: Misato is still likely to struggle with her own addictions, which is what the song I feel is really about. Supposedly, the song was written as the band's view of what the so called high-life in Hollywood is like. But songs can mean different things to different people. To me, Hotel California is about addiction. Even if you can kick the habit, you still live within it, it still lingers and never quite goes away. And sometimes that habit, be it a substance or an activity, becomes so seductive, you can't live without it… but just like the missing wine and the unkillable dinner beast, so much bad comes with the good.
Stay safe my friends… and don't be afraid to seek help if you realize something is going very very wrong in your life. We're all in this crazy world together….