A/N: I now have over 100 reviews now which is AMAZING! I still can't believe that you guys are still reading, but I'm so thankful for your support. Your reviews provide awesome motivation.

I'm afraid this chapter might be a bit boring, but Esme has something she needs to work out before the big day so it needed to be done.

I already told you that I'm not a lawyer...well I'm not a therapist/counselor either, so please don't hold me accountable with accuracy. Once again, just go with it. :)

I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight...I own too many pairs of shoes.

Song for chapter: You're Still You by Josh Groban

You walk past me

I can feel your pain

Time changes everything

One truth always stays the same

You're still you

After all

You're still you

I look up to

Everything you are

In my eyes you do no wrong

And I believe in you

Although you never asked me to

I will remember you

And what life put you through

And in this cruel and lonely world

I found one love

You're still you

After all

You're still you

Esme POV

Summer was passing by at a pace that was both too fast and too slow. I was ready for September, but at the same time, the summer months were full of fun and excitement.

Most of my time was spend with Carmen while we planned a wedding. Carlisle wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams, and I already had a few ideas in my head. I quickly realized that wedding planning was a lot more complicated that I thought. Even though we were only having a small ceremony, there were many decisions to be made and not much time to make them.

I knew right off the bat that I didn't want a large ceremony. Having Carlisle there would make it perfect without needing the extra thrills and frills. We decided not to have bridesmaids of groomsmen. The only ones standing at the front of the church would be me, Carlisle, Eleazar, and Emmett, providing he could remain attentive that long. We asked Carmen to be one of our witnesses, as well as Peter. They had both accepted without any hesitation, so that was one thing to cross off our list.

Finding a church and a preacher was never an issue. I'm not sure we even asked Eleazar if he would officiate. We just all automatically assumed that he would fill that role. He did feel bad about not being able to escort me down the aisle to give me away, but we decided to just omit that part of the ceremony. I was fine with walking by myself.

The date was the next thing for us to decide. Our only restriction was that it had to be after September first. We wanted to get married soon after that, so we decided on Saturday the eighteenth. I was relived after we had a date. This gave me something to count down to, but after discovering how much had to be done, I wished the days were longer.

We wanted our reception to be small and intimate like the ceremony. Carmen offered to let us use their backyard and patio. She often hosted luncheons and other events there, and I thought it sounded like a perfect idea. They owned a set of tents so we had that option in case the weather didn't cooperate. We decided just to stick with cake, punch, and small finger foods instead of catering a meal since the wedding was in mid afternoon.

The rest of the planning wasn't as easy, but I was very grateful to have Carmen, Maggie, and Charlotte to help me out. Charlotte was turning into one of my closest friends. She had an incredibly sweet spirit and offered great advice. She and Peter had only been married a couple of years, so everything was still fresh on her mind. I relied on her to help me decide what was totally necessary and what could be skipped over. Charlotte also loved getting to see Emmett. She confessed to me that they were trying to start a family, but so far they had had no luck. Her attitude was that God would give them children when the time was right, and I admired her ability to remain positive throughout the waiting.

The simplest task of choosing an invitation was complicated by how many different options were available. Colors, designs, fonts-so many choices to be made. Our guest list was not very long. It mostly consisted of close friends and a few of Carlisle's colleagues. As far as family, his cousin Kate and her family were going to head down from Alaska, and Carmen and Eleazar would be there of course.

I didn't feel any need to invite my parents, but I did send Chelsea an invitation after Liam had found her address for me. I included my email address just in case she wanted to contact me. I wasn't counting on her showing up or even sending me a message, but I was glad I put the option out there.

Hand writing all the address was tiring, even with our short guest list, and relief was not a strong enough word for what I felt when I could cross invitations off the list.

The colors and varieties of flowers I wanted had already been picked in my mind, so that wasn't a big deal. After they were ordered, we didn't have to worry about it anymore.

The biggest challenge of the planning was also the most important to me: finding the perfect dress. I knew I would be able to tell the dress when I saw it. Carmen had to take me to five different stores and I tried on numerous dresses before I found it. I had been right. I knew it was my dress the moment I saw it, and trying it on reaffirmed my decision. I couldn't wait for Carlisle to see me in it.

Emmett didn't mind the wedding planning much since my helpers paid as much attention to him as they did to our work. He was growing so fast and learning even faster. He had started using two word sentences more often and was getting better at communicating what he wanted or needed. "Mama" was slowly morphing its way into "Mommy," and "Daddy" became a word spoken multiple times a day.

On Carlisle's first father's day, I bought a card that a message could be recorded onto. I chased Emmett around the apartment all day, trying to get him to say "Daddy." I managed to record it, and the look in Carlisle's eyes when he listened to it was beautiful. I knew the card meant more to him than the gift I had bought to be from Emmett.

When Carlisle wasn't working and I wasn't sucked into the wedding vortex, we enjoyed many activities as a family. We took Emmett to the zoo a couple of times, and also the aquarium since he loved animals. Many afternoons were spent playing in the park, along with more picnics. We also put Carmen and Eleazar's swimming pool to good use when the weather permitted.

My arm was completely out of a cast after nine weeks. I had to wear a brace for a few weeks after that, but it was still much more comfortable than a cast. I was so glad I didn't have to depend on anyone to do things for me even though Carlisle still liked to wait on me. Since I could do things by myself again, Carlisle insisted that I needed a car. He researched many different ones before deciding on an Audi A3. It had a very high safety rating and drove like a dream. Having another vehicle gave me the freedom to go wherever I wanted even while Carlisle was at work.

Freedom was a strange concept to me at first. While I was hiding from Charles, I carefully choose my outings and never did anything at the spur of the moment. Even after I had been living with Carlisle, we still had to plan most trips for when he was home from work. Being able to wherever I wanted whenever I wanted felt incredible. The simple things like taking Emmett to the playground in the middle of the day were not underappreciated.

Since I didn't need help with Emmett anymore, Carmen did not come over every day. We missed her at first, but we still saw her multiple times a week either at her house or at our apartment.

Even though I could work again, I decided to leave my job. I felt a little guilty since my boss had been so considerate throughout my whole recovery, but I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on anything but the wedding for a while. It wasn't fair to them if I couldn't provide my best work, and they deserved to be able to find someone else.

We were going to be busy with the wedding in September, and then we had major holidays coming up shortly after that. It made sense to me to wait until after the New Year to even consider getting another job. Carlisle supported my decision, and I think he was secretly glad that he could now provide everything for me. Our little grocery shopping arrangement quickly fizzled out once I didn't have any income. Carlisle never mentioned it, and neither did I. We would soon have a joint account and I really didn't feel the need to argue about our spending.

Another reason to hold off on considering a new job was that we were not going to wait to continue our family. We talked about it and both agreed that we wouldn't exactly try, but we wouldn't try to stop anything either. We were just going to go with whatever God had planned for us. And even if we did conceive quickly, Emmett would be old enough when the baby was born to not need as much constant attention.

In the middle of June, I started meeting with Siobhan. Every Tuesday I met with her, and we discussed many things. Siobhan offered great advice, and she was also a good listener. I enjoyed getting to talk to her about anything that was on my mind, knowing that she would never be judgmental.

The topic focused on most was my past. We started with my parents and childhood and quickly worked our way to my relationship with Charles. It was so much easy for me to talk about now that I knew everything was going to work out. Through our talks, I realized that Carlisle had been right: I was strong; a lot stronger than I thought.

Siobhan was impressed that I didn't blame myself for anything that happened to me at Charles' hand. I knew it was never my fault, nor did I do anything to provoke him. He was just a miserable excuse for a man with his own problems that he took out on me. The only thing that could be considered a mistake on my part was not getting away sooner. I probably should have run the moment I knew he was bad news, but I would never change the past. If I did, I wouldn't have Emmett, and I would endure everything all over again just to have him in my life.

After several meetings, it didn't appear that I had many issues that needed to be dealt with, especially with the past. I had already accepted it and was on the path to forgive Charles. I wasn't there quite yet, but I was close. I also showed no signs of post traumatic stress disorder which I was grateful for.

Once we had discussed my past, we moved on to the present and future. I absolutely loved talking about my relationship with Carlisle as well as Emmett. Siobhan was glad everything was going well in our lives and that Carlisle and I continued to communicate openly. She stressed that communication and trust were key elements to any long lasting, loving relationship.

At the end of my last appointment, she gave me a "homework" assignment to try to think of something I worried about in my relationship with Carlisle. I spent the week thinking it over, and I soon came up with my answer one night while Carlisle and I were spending the evening together. The more I thought about it, I realized it was the only thing I had reservations about in our relationship.

So as Carlisle drove to my four o'clock appointment, I couldn't help but be a little nervous. The car ride was mostly silent apart from Carlisle humming quietly along with the radio.

Charlotte had the day off and had requested to watch Emmett for us. She liked having Tuesdays off just for that purpose. Carlisle always insisted on going with me just in case I needed the extra support. He was never in the room with us, but it was nice having him near.

As I sat in Siobhan's office, I fidgeted nervously with my engagement ring. Looking at it reminded me that Carlisle would always be there for me and stand by me even with any concerns I had.

Siobhan finally cleared her throat, effectively gaining my attention. I looked up at her and she was smiling warmly at me.

"I can sense your anxiety from here. So I'm guessing you thought about your 'homework' assignment?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yes, I did think about it," I murmured.

"May I ask if you came to any conclusions?" she asked in amusement. I wasn't normally this short with her. My answers were normally very detailed.

"I'm worried about the wedding," I confessed.

"The wedding?" she asked. "Did something go wrong with the planning or is it something else? The ceremony perhaps?"

"No," I said as I shook my head. "The planning is fine and it's not the ceremony itself. It's after that I'm worried about."

She looked at me puzzled and I knew I needed to clarify. "The wedding night. I'm worried about…intimacy," I finished in a whisper.

I chuckled softly to myself as I recognized the irony of the situation. As different as this wedding was from my first wedding, this was still the issue I was worried the most about.

"Ah, I see," Siobhan pondered. "You're worried about consummating your relationship with Carlisle. Is there anything specific? Are you afraid that Carlisle will hurt you like Charles did?"

I shook my head vigorously. "Oh, no. I know Carlisle loves me and would never hurt me. I'm just worry that I'm not worthy and he'll be disappointed."

Siobhan put the notebook she had been writing in down on her lap and smiled at me. "And there it is," she said, almost proudly.

"There what is?" I asked, very confused.

"I've been waiting for you to have some sort of self doubt. You're always so sure of yourself, which I think is a truly wonderful thing, but I knew there had to be something you doubted about yourself. Now, would you care to tell me why you think you're unworthy of Carlisle? Because I'm just going to tell you right now that you are worthy."

I had thought long and hard about this, so I was prepared to answer.

"When Carlisle and I were together in high school, we talked about getting married. I wasn't worried then. We were both equals, but now we're not."

"Equals in what way?" she probed gently.

"We were both virgins, but now I'm not," I said softly, while looking down at my lap. "We were both saving ourselves for each other when we got married. I already apologized to him for not being able to wait. He said I didn't need to, but I can't help but feel unworthy of him."

Siobhan stopped writing, and I knew she was waiting for me to look at her once more. I finally lifted my eyes, and she was looking at me very contemplatively.

"Esme, I'm about to ask you something, and I would like you to answer honestly, no matter how silly you think my question is. Can you do that for me?"

I nodded, not knowing what she was thinking.

"Okay. How do you define the word 'virgin?'" she asked, with no hint of humor in her voice.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes, but she just nodded, telling me to go ahead with my answer.

"A virgin is someone who has never made love before."

She nodded her head and went back to her writing. I waited patiently, still very confused about where she was going with this.

She finished writing and looked back at me, smiling again. "Well by your definition, I would say that you and Carlisle both fit into this category."

I looked at her with what I hoped was a disbelieving expression. "Siobhan, you know that's not true. I have a son. There is no way I could still be considered a virgin."

"I'm fully aware you have a son. But by your definition, I say you and Carlisle are equal. Carlisle has never made love before. Am I correct?" I nodded. "And you have also never made love before."

I started to interrupt her, but she gave me a look telling me to just listen.

"You have told me about your relationship with Charles, and as I understand it, there was no love involved. Every sexual relation you had with your previous husband was nothing short of rape. You endured it to survive, and it was never something you wanted.

"Your wedding night with Carlisle will be special because you love each other. The part of yourself that can be given to the one you love- your heart- has still been saved for Carlisle, and he saved his for you. That is what is important, and I'm sure he feels the same way. So you see, I say that you are equal."

I couldn't argue with any of the points she made. Charles did rape me, and I did save my heart for Carlisle. But I still didn't believe her. She was going by my definition which was what I felt, but maybe I should have said sex instead of making love. There was a difference in my mind. Sex was just going through the motions with no real feeling behind it except lust. Making love was what I wanted with Carlisle; us being able to express our feelings for each other through physical actions. Even though I had never done that before, I still didn't consider myself a virgin.

"You still don't believe me, do you?" she asked softly.

I smiled sadly and shook my head. "No. I'm sorry, but I just feel like Carlisle is better than me."

"Okay. That attitude stops right now," she said firmly. "You are both human. Neither of you is perfect. You are equal. Please do not put yourself down. I guarantee that Carlisle would never agree with what you said. In fact, did he come with you today?"

"Yes," I said with a real smile. "He's here with me every week."

"Would you feel comfortable asking him to join us? I think it would be beneficial to include him for a few minutes."

"That's fine with me," I said and stood up. I opened the door and Carlisle was waiting exactly where I left him.

"Could you come in here for a few minutes?" I asked him. "Siobhan wants to talk to both of us."

He stood up and walked over to me. "Of course, Sweetheart," he said and kissed my cheek. We walked into the room together, and he sat down next to me.

"Thank you for joining us, Carlisle," Siobhan smiled. "If it's alright with Esme, I'd like to share some things we talked about today and get your opinion on them."

I nodded my consent. There wasn't anything I would keep from Carlisle, no matter how embarrassing the subject was.

"I gave Esme a homework assignment last week and asked her to think of something she worried about pertaining to your relationship. She told me today that her biggest worry is about being 'intimate' with you. She doesn't feel that she is worthy of you because of her prior relationship."

I was looking down at my lap, playing with my engagement ring once again until Carlisle reached over to squeeze my hand. I took it as a sign to look at him, so I raised my eyes to meet his.

"Esme, I don't ever want you to feel that you aren't worthy," he said strongly. "I am worthy of you and you are worthy of me. We are meant to be together. And I want you to know that I will never pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. I will never hurt you."

"I know that, Carlisle," I interjected. "I know you will never hurt me. That's not what bothers me." I turned to Siobhan, willing her to continue telling him about our conversation.

Siobhan nodded and took my hint. She looked Carlisle. "Before I continue, I want to ask you a question. I asked Esme the same one earlier and I would appreciate an honest answer even if you don't understand why I am asking yet."

I blushed knowing what was about to happen.

"I'll try my best," Carlisle replied with a small smile.

"Okay, Carlisle. I would like for you to define the word 'virgin' for me. Your own definition, not a technical one," she teased lightly.

That made me smile to myself. It would have been funny to hear Carlisle give a medically accurate explanation.

He shifted in his seat, and I squeezed his hand, letting him know that I felt a little awkward as well.

"Well," he began and cleared his throat," a 'virgin' is someone who has never made love before."

Siobhan nodded and started writing again, clearly proud of what had been said. I shook my head slightly, knowing she was about to rub this in.

"Esme gave me the exact same answer a few minutes ago," she said, a little smugly.

Carlisle looked at me and smiled. I almost felt like we were on The Newlywed Game, trying to answer questions in the same way.

"I wanted to make sure we were all on the same page before I continued," Siobhan explained. "Esme thinks she is not equal to you because she is not a 'virgin.' But by both of your definitions, she is. Would you agree with that?"

Carlisle nodded vigorously. "Yes, I agree." He turned to face me once more.

"Esme, we are equal," he stressed. "I know you have been through the physical acts before, but that doesn't matter. Making love is as much emotional as it is physical. It's the joining of two bodies, minds, and spirits and making them into one. Neither of us has done that before, so we are both in the same boat here."

"But Carlisle, I'm different now. I've been touched by someone else. How could you possibly want me?" I protested, tears starting to trail down my face.

He shook his head and used his thumbs to wipe the tears away. "You are different, but not in the way you think you are. You have grown and matured, but you're still you. The same woman I fell in love with years ago, that I love now. Do not hold yourself accountable for something you couldn't control. And I will always want you. Never doubt that."

"Carlisle, I wanted to save myself for you, to wait for you. The thing I want most to give you was taking from me, and I can never get it back." I realized this was what was holding me back from forgiving Charles completely. I was still so bitter about him forcing himself on me. I wanted it to be Carlisle, and now I felt like I was not able to offer him everything I should have been able to.

"But you did wait," he insisted. "And you saved the most important part of yourself just for me." He intertwined our fingers and placed our hands over my heart. "You have given me your love and a place in your heart. That's something you've never given to anyone else in this way. That is an incredible gift." He leaned over to place a gently kiss against my lips, and then pulled back and we both looked back at Siobhan.

She was looking extremely smug at this point. Carlisle had basically repeated everything she had told me earlier.

"I think you just received a second opinion," she said to me. "Will you try to believe it now?"

I nodded in acquiescence. I knew that deep down, I felt the same way as Carlisle. Hearing him explain his opinion made it possible for me to accept it as mine as well. He loved me even after everything Charles did to me. Our wedding night could still be everything I dreamt it would be.

"Good," she said, and closed her notebook and looked up at the clock on the wall. "It looks like we're finished for the day."

"Thank you for joining us today, Carlisle," she said as he shook her hand.

"Well thank you for including me. I like the chance to know what is going on in her pretty little head."

We shared a laugh before she pulled me into a hug. "If you need anything before next week, don't hesitate to call," she said into my ear.

"I will. Thank you so much," I said sincerely.

"No problem. So how many days until the wedding?" she asked, as per our usual routine, while she walked us to the door.

"Twenty five," I said with a large smile. Carlisle hugged me to his side and kissed the top of my head.

"It will be here before you know it," she said.

I agreed and we said our goodbyes before walking out to the car. Carlisle stopped me before I could get in.

"You know everything I said in there is true, right?" he asked me. "I meant everything. You're my other half. Never let yourself think you are anything else but perfect for me. After we are married, I plan to show you how much I love you in a way neither of us has experienced. It will be wonderful because it will be us. The past doesn't matter. All that matters is our future together."

My eyes watered at the sincerity of his words. I knew he was being honest. We were made for each other, and my past really didn't mean anything to him, especially since I couldn't control it. I was ready to move on, leave all my doubts behind and embrace the future with the love of my life.

I place my arms around his neck and pulled him down to my mouth for a kiss. Our lips moved together until he pulled my bottom lip between his, sucking on it lightly. I moaned softly into his mouth as his tongue traced along my lower lip. Once I felt oxygen deprived, he shifted to place open-mouth kisses along my jaw and neck.

When I could form coherent though again, I realized that we were still outside, standing next to Carlisle car, in clear view of anyone passing by. I couldn't surpress the giggle that came out of my mouth.

"What's so funny?" Carlisle asked, as he halted his trail of kisses and looked into my eyes.

"We seem to enjoy public displays of affection. This should probably wait until we are home."

He shrugged, which seemed to be his reaction to our lovely PDA. "Sometimes I can't help myself, but I don't mind people seeing how much I love you. I would like to continue this at home, if you're offering."

I hugged him close to me once more before stepping aside for him to open my car door.

"As much as I would like to continue this as soon as possible, I think we'll probably have to wait until tonight," I said as I got into the car. "We have a little monkey to feed at the moment."

He feigned disappointment before smiling at me. "In that case, we should probably hurry back. I hear monkeys get angry if they are kept from dinner too long."

As we drove home, I felt like another burden had been lifted. A major worry was crossed off my list, and I knew everything would be okay. All I had to do now was sit back and wait for one of the best days of my life to come.

A/N: Expect the wedding in the next 1-2 chapters. I'm trying to stick with the Tuesday/Saturday update schedule, but I don't know how that will work out once my semester starts. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out since I'm going out of town, but I'll try to have it posted on Saturday. No promises, but I will update soon :)