They left the room in a hurry, following Mindy and Sabrina's experienced feet to the lowering levels of the District. The hallways filled as they walked, and it was the closest to frantic Eliza ever saw the people from 13 move. Despite all the drills and preparation for it, she was not ready for how loud the sirens would be, once there was an actual real life emergency. Her head pounded as they walked, and even though they had started to do so at the first warning, when they finally got to the bunker, it was already more than half full.
Mindy had to wave goodbye and hurry to her station, while Sabrina helped Erica find her section in the hospital assigned area.
Eliza followed the general instructions, drifting off into autopilot mode as she retrieved her and her roommate's packages. Once she finally got a hold of them, waiting in line for what felt like forever, she found her way to their assigned bunk bed.
"Good, you're here!" Sabrina exclaimed, getting up from the lower bed and smiling at Eliza. She couldn't really hide the surprise at her warm greeting.
"Here, this one is yours." She said, handing it out to her.
Sabrina accepted the package in her hands and apparently without knowing what to do with herself. Eliza imagined it was tough on her perpetually active roommate, who usually woke up before her alarm clock, to just sit around and wait for the best. She smiled back to her, hoping it was somewhat comforting.
"There's a lot of 12s in our compartment." She noted in response, and Eliza took a better look around. "I don't really know most of these people."
She laughed internally, wondering if this would help give Sabrina a clue of how she had felt during her first few days in 13. She didn't really know what to tell her, so just shrugged and walked to take a better look around.
Maybe check if he was there, somewhere.
None of the Hawthorne family members were, at first. Thankfully, a few minutes later, among the many people from her compartment that wouldn't stop coming in, Gale's brothers, sister and mother appeared among the crowd.
The relief abandoned Eliza just as soon as it came, because Gale didn't follow. She waited a few more minutes, crossing her arms and looking expectantly to the door.
He could be in an all military compartment.
He could be with Katniss, on a special mission somewhere.
He could be doing something stupid, like staying behind to make sure everyone was safe.
When the number of people entering slowed down, and the beds were almost full, she couldn't help herself, and went to ask Mrs. Hawthorne.
"Hi," she sounded breathless, and didn't even need to ask to get an answer.
"I don't know where he is, he said he'd come right away!" Mrs. Hawthorne said it at once, visibly distressed while holding an even more distressed Posy in her lap. Eliza saw the tears she was trying to hold back even though her eyes kept looking across the room.
"He went to his room to get something." Rory added.
"He has to be here somewhere, then." Eliza took a deep breath, trying not to focus on Gale's siblings' troubled faces, or the sound of Posy crying with her hands covering her ears, "Our floor is not that far from here. I'll go take a look in the hallway." She stepped out right after saying it.
It was not the relieving sight she had hoped for. The hallway was mostly empty already, many of the people entering their respective compartments. Gale's tall figure was nowhere in sight, but she tried not to panic.
Just find Katniss.
Eliza started to peak inside everywhere she could, checking for any of them. Even Primrose or Mrs. Everdeen would be welcome at that point.
However, the disturbance coming from one of the compartments distracted her. She thought it had to be Katniss, and lunged to get in, but was met with an entirely different scenario.
Finnick Odair was making a mess in the middle of his assigned square, the people around him seemingly trying to calm him down.
"Get off me! Get off me!"
Two soldiers went past Eliza and grabbed Finnick by the arms, bringing him out.
Erica had told her about Finnick in one of the evenings Eliza went to visit her. She said he did look deranged sometimes, but was incredibly sweet (and charming) when he wanted to. Sometimes he came in to see Erica and Sarah, sat in the armchair next to them and chatted, asking all kinds of questions as if they were neighbors having day-to-day conversation.
On one of those visits, he told Erica all about Annie Cresta, another victor from his district. How he couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her again. How it drove him crazy to imagine what they could be putting her through in the Capitol. How she might be feeling, stranded and alone all over again. He got so agitated that time, Erica had to call in someone to give him a sedative.
Eliza's heart broke at the sight of him in the guards' arms, remembering Erica's tone when saying "I think he feels a bit lonely".
More than lonely, right then, he looked restless. His pupils dilated with the effort, a piece of rope in his hand and his shirt unbuttoned, all the while trying to get away from the guards. Eliza recoiled at the memory of Officer Heath's arms around her earlier, and took a step in his direction.
Who knew what they'd do to him, probably restrain him somewhere. How would that help? Eliza had never been on the Hunger Games or a war site, and she still felt her adrenaline burst at the sound of the sirens.
Damn it. Think, you idiot. What would Katniss do?
"There you are!" Eliza exclaimed, before she could give it a second thought, "I was looking everywhere for you!"
With a few steps she stood in front of them. "I'm so sorry, I should've come sooner. I'm his caretaker. Erica sent me, on her behalf." She said the last part looking Finnick into the eyes, hoping he understood.
He blinked, and eased in the soldiers arms.
"Great, do your job then and take care of him." The older one said, "We have better things to do."
They let go, pushing him in her direction. Eliza took a hold of his arm, "You've met Erica, right? She told me that you don't like to be alone so much."
He blinked, and then followed it with a slight lift of the corner of his mouth, "Are you Eliza?"
She nodded in response, "They won't take you back for now, I imagine?" Finnick looked back at the door to his compartment and shivered.
"I wouldn't want to be there anyway. Noone this charming to keep me company." His gaze was back to her and a playful smile on his face.
Eliza blushed heavily and took a step away from him, wondering if she had gotten into more that she could manage.
"Open it! Let me out!" Both of them turned towards the sound of the quarrel. At the end of the corridor, Katniss yelled at the soldiers closing the doors.
They were closing and there was still no sign of Gale.
But just before Eliza started to walk in that direction, there was. Primrose and Gale came in through the enormous steel doors that closed immediately after them.
Katniss and Prim embraced, and Eliza could've sworn she saw a glimpse of a furry animal in between them. Then she watched as Gale handed Katniss a box and a big leather bag. They exchanged a few words and she saw the look on his face.
She had stopped walking at the sight of them, and realized she had just been staring when she felt Finnick's eyes on her.
"C'mon, let's go this way." She said, turning her back to him and slightly pulling on his hand.
Mrs. Hawthorne got up immediately when she saw Eliza through the door. She answered with a short, "He's here," and walked straight ahead to her bunk bed, trying not to step on any of the people along the way.
"If you don't mind me asking," she looked at Finnick, "weren't you in the hospital? How come you were alone there just now?"
"They've let me out a few times, but I keep getting readmitted. Honestly I don't mind. I really like the hospital schedule better."
He followed her closely, and Eliza finally let go of his hand, pointing at the bed for him to sit. He did so without ceremonies.
"Sabrina," she called, although she didn't have to. Her roommate was already looking at her as if she were an alien. "So... you know Finnick, right?"
"Hi, yes, ah...what is he doing here? There's no bed for him here, Eliza."
"Yeah, I know. But he wasn't feeling very well and we don't know what's coming."
"I do better with nice people around. I won't bother you, I promise." Finnick said, holding his hands up.
Sabrina still didn't look pleased, and Eliza wasn't exactly surprised. 13's weren't keen on breaking the rules, but she had enough on her mind already.
What are they gonna do, anyway? Arrest me?
Or maybe just punch me in the face?
"Do you have any idea what's going on?" She asked, changing the subject.
"I haven't got a clue. This never really happens." Sabrina said, with her worried expression back.
"We're being bombed." Finnick laid out simply. His face had lost his smile, as he moved his piece of rope in his fingers, "Peeta said so."
"Peeta?" Before they could ask anything further, the siren's sound was gone, and President Coin's voice was coming through the stereo.
"It's true." Sabrina's mouth opened at the end of the speech and looking at Finnick, "You were right."
He was about to answer, when the first bomb hit the ground.
The noise wasn't deafening, but it might as well have been. Most of the children started to cry, and even a few adult screams were audible. Eliza tried to keep quiet but she couldn't help a whimper, and her legs were shaking when she took a seat on the bed, next to Finnick. Sabrina followed her, sitting by her side and searching for her hand at the same time Eliza looked out for his.
The three of them made an unusual trio. She stared at their hands tangled in her lap, the paleness of hers contrasting with Finnick's tan and Sabrina's dark skin tone. A Victor that she'd just met and who was, frankly, intimidating, the girl she barely knew, even though they'd been sharing the same room for weeks.
When the second bomb hit, Eliza tightened the grip even harder. Finnick's breathing was quick and unsteady, and Eliza's was about the same when she remembered,
Breathe in. Breathe out.
It was impossible not to think of 12. The sound was more muffled, but she could feel the walls around them vibrate, slightly.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
"Do you think it will hold up?" She asked Sabrina. "Or are we just hoping for the best?"
She looked upward, considering. "It was designed especially for this. We have to hope they're not one step ahead of us."
Breathe in. Breathe out.
President Coin's voice came through the radio again, that time weaker and interspersed with noise. Peeta's warning was true and valuable. More missiles would follow. Everyone should remain in the places they had been assigned to.
Eliza felt Sabrina's glare on her and Finnick after that, and their hands broke apart. The light had turned dimmer, and it didn't help Eliza's mind keep away from how it was in 12. All that was left was hoping they'd be okay.
"There won't be showers for today." An officer came into their section to say. "But you may start to use the lavatories in groups."
"What are we going to do about the bed situation?" Sabrina asked when he left, "I'm sorry, but I'm not really keen on sharing it with a stranger."
"Don't worry. I don't think I can sleep now." She'd been sleeping for hours just before, after all. "You can take mine." She said to Finnick, while standing up from the bed. "How are you feeling?"
The last missile had hit a few minutes before, and Finnick seemed to have stopped shaking. Still, his eyes looked absent. He didn't answer her directly, retrieving his rope to his hands again, and moving his fingers around, making a complicated knot in no time.
Sabrina went first to use the lavatories, taking her toothbrush and one of the flashlights. Eliza waited until she was back a few minutes later to ask him, "Will you stay here while I go? Sabrina will help you, if you need anything. She's studying to be a nurse. Honestly, you're much better off with her than with me."
He nodded, his hands restless, "Sure." He smiled, but it was hollow.
It made her think of her mother, for a second.
She left them, even if feeling a bit self-conscious, taking her flashlight and waiting in line for her turn.
"Eliza?" She shivered pathetically at the sound of her name in his voice. Gale appeared out of nowhere as he liked to do, and asked, "Can we talk?"
His eyes widened as he drew nearer and she stared back at him for a second, without a clear answer to give him. He continued before she had to, anyway. "What happened to your face?!"
"Oh, it's nothing! Sorry, I should go!" She moved with the line, thankful that it was her turn, and the perfect excuse to evade him.
Her body seemed to resent her decision though, with a piercing agony growing in her stomach as she got further away. She wanted to talk to him, desperately, but at the same time, everything was still too fresh in her mind.
It wasn't as if she blamed him for asking about it the other night. Actually, the fact he had been so understanding was almost worse. It just made it sting even more to see the look on his face speaking to Katniss. How he let himself stay behind to help her sister and bring her things.
The truth was, Eliza had to start to be kind to herself. And that should start with facing the truth. It was about time she stopped playing with her feelings and convinced herself he didn't feel the same way she did, or she would be doomed to disappointment.
However, Gale was still standing there when she walked back out of the lavatories. He raised his eyebrows as if asking once again, Can we talk?
Eliza braced herself, trying to appear brave and unbothered while walking towards him. Before she could even think of something to say, he simply stated, "Peace offering."
For some reason she hadn't paid attention to what he had in his hands yet, or things would have gone very differently.
He held her sewing satchel. The one she brought with her from 12 and lost track of once they got to 13.
Her mother's sewing satchel.
"You...my bag, you..." She took a few steps in his direction, accepting it in her hands. It didn't feel real.
"I've been trying to get a hold of it for a while, and today, after we got back, finally did. I guess I was gonna wait for you to be back in my room to give it to you, but..." He said as she went through its contents. Her needles and bundles of thread were still there. It had definitely been touched but everything was still inside, "I went back for some stuff and then I remembered I had it...that it might not make it past the explosions a second time."
"I don't even know what to say...Thank you." The emotion in her voice was clear, and for the first time in a few hours she didn't feel like crying out of misery. "You don't know what this means to me, I—" She looked at him, feeling dizzy with the wave of gratitude, and fighting the urge to hug him.
It wasn't valuable in the way most things were. The leather was old and shiny from use, breaking in a few spots. The needles were spent, some even a bit rusty. Her thimble was more of a scrap of metal, and the thread looked like something even a cat would deem like an unacceptable toy.
"How did you do it? Sabrina told me on my first day they most likely had already repurposed it. Even if they hadn't, I couldn't retrieve it."
"Beetee told me who the right person was to ask about it. It was still intact and I...negotiated it back." He said it looking at his nails, and not meeting her eyes.
"You just took it, didn't you?" He looked back at her and shrugged. "Won't that get you into trouble?"
"I doubt anyone will notice it missing. Besides, if it was that useful it wouldn't be here anymore, would it?" He grinned lightly, and Eliza felt her face twist into a smile as well.
Apparently, she could try her best to let go of her feelings, that Gale would readily do something to pull her right back into them.
"I don't know how to thank you for this."
"You don't have to. Let's just...I mean...are we ok?"
Was he blushing? She thought so, but it could be a trick from the dim light.
"You mean...because of last night?"
She let out a loud exhale as he nodded.
It wasn't easy to bear the fact that Gale knew about it, but he had known for a while anyway. So were things really that much different from before?
"You don't need to worry about that. It's fine." She tried to smile reassuringly, but when he returned it to her, she looked back at her satchel, trying to conceal her embarrassment.
That's when another missile hit.
Eliza couldn't contain a scream that time. The light faltered once again, and she held onto her flashlight for dear life. Then she felt Gale's body get closer, a comforting hand in her arm, even though he looked to be shaking as well.
"I have to go back. Finnick might—" She trailed off, already moving. Gale followed and took his place with his family, saying they'd meet later. Eliza nodded goodbye, and walked over to her section, trying not to step on anyone.
She was afraid to find Finnick making a mess like earlier, or curled in a ball in the corner. Instead, he and Sabrina sat next to each other, as he showed her a particularly complex rope knot.
"There you are." She said with a smile, opening space for Eliza to sit next to them. "We're not supposed to stand around the common areas to chat, you know? It creates unnecessary traffic."
Eliza huffed, "How do you even know I stopped for a chat?"
"What is that?" She asked, losing her smile and pointing.
"My sewing satchel. The one you said they'd have repurposed." Eliza couldn't help the accusatory note in her voice, "Gale got it back for me."
Sabrina gasped at the last part. "You can't just take the District's things!" She got up, sounding actually mad, "That could be useful to other people!"
"This is mine, not the District's!"
"And this is a community built on trust and honesty! Don't you don't understand you can't just move stuff around as you please?! Eliza, you've been here for months!"
Eliza got up as well, feeling her blood boil. They were making a scene, but it hardly mattered among the sound of the explosions.
"You want honesty?! This is the only thing I have left of my family! My home! It's a bunch of old needles and rags! Here, take it and use it, if you need it so much!" She threw it harshly against her roommate, hearing the thud when it hit her and then fell on the floor.
Sabrina's face was closed in a frown. She took the satchel and went through it, probably making sure she was not lying about its contents.
Eliza sat next to Finnick, trying her breathing exercises once again.
"You know," Finnick muttered, his hands still busy with a knot, but a sly smile on his face, "Erica described you much more docile than this."
She didn't say anything, and thought she should be thankful for the anger because, up until then, it had been the most efficient form of distraction against both the bombings and the worst day she'd had in a long time.
A few minutes later, Sabrina gave the satchel back without a word, and rose to her bed above them. Eliza thought she was preparing to sleep, but in a few seconds she was down again, her things in her hand and asking Finnick, "What's your compartment's number?"
He thought about it for a few seconds. "It's 58... I think?"
"You think?"
He shrugged and she huffed, visibly annoyed, "I'll try to sleep there. Maybe some of my friends are in the same one, it could turn out better this way."
Eliza realized that was the closest to either an apology or a truce she was gonna get, and nodded. Finnick, on the other hand, looked surprised, "Thank you!"
Sabrina waved without another word and left.
"These people really have a hard time with feelings." Finnick stated, untying the knot for the fourth time. "She's not even the worst one I've met."
Eliza kept quiet, going through her satchel once more and finding her reliable needle in its usual pocket. She took a piece of blue thread from its bundle and got it through the needle's eye. Then ripped a small bit of fabric from one of the old white pieces of rag she had inside the bag. The first few stitches were stiff and slightly crooked from the lack of practice, but a few minutes in and it was as if she had never stopped.
"Do you prefer top or bottom?" Finnick asked, snapping her back into reality. She looked at him, forcing herself to get out of her work and think about what he'd just said.
"I... I don't know, you can choose. It's the same for me." She carried on almost immediately, thinking that right after anger, needle work was definitely the best distraction against a bomb attack.
Finnick was about to climb over to the top bed, when they both turned at the call, "Liza!"
Posy got to her, running around the beds as quickly as she could, and hugging Eliza when she got to her. Gale followed short, stopping in front of them and explaining, "Posy heard you shout a while ago. She wanted to make sure you were okay."
Eliza blushed often, but that time she completely transformed into an embarrassed tomato. There was something to say about a fight that had been loud enough to be heard almost on the opposite side of the room in those circumstances.
"I'm okay, I just got mad at something my friend said. Don't worry." She looked at Posy, hugging her back with one arm.
"Who is he?" Posy asked, with a side eye in Finnick's direction. Eliza noticed Gale had on the exact same expression as his sister.
"His name is Finnick, my new friend. And he's not the one I fought with."
"Nice to meet you." He held out his hand to her, and Posy put her little one in his, still looking puzzled, possibly because he still hadn't bothered to close up his shirt. "You're soldier Hawthorne's sister?"
She nodded, without a word.
"That's what I thought when I saw your angry face. Did you know your brother looks like that all the time?" Finnick's face contorted and Eliza snorted at how similar to Gale's scowl he'd gotten it.
Posy's laugh followed hers, "I don't do that!"
"Well, your brother does," Finnick said, getting to the top bed. "Just look at him!"
Posy turned her head to Gale, already laughing at his face. He looked completely unimpressed. "C'mon, you've seen Eliza and her new friend. We should let them sleep."
"No!" she exclaimed sadly, jumping onto the bed next to her. "A little bit more!"
"Posy." he asserted, his voice shaped in a warning.
"It's fine with me. Stay for a few minutes. I have something for her." Eliza said, rearranging in her bed. "Can you hold this for me?" She placed the lantern in her yet tiny hand, pointing it in the direction she needed.
"What's that?" She looked curiously at Eliza's unfinished embroidery.
"It was supposed to be a butterfly, but it isn't going very well. Let's try another one." She opened her bag and showed her a few thread bundles to choose from. "Which one do you like?"
The tiny finger danced on the various shades until it stopped on the little orange ball of thread.
"That's a great choice. Let's see if this one turns out better."
Eliza tore another piece of fabric, and discarded her previous work, shoving it all inside the bag to deal with later. She adjusted the flashlight's position in Posy's hand and restarted, weaving the orange thread through the needle's eye. It was difficult to keep the fabric straight without her embroidery hoop, but it unfortunately hadn't made it into the bag. She'd have to manage.
"Hum, this might take a while... Don't you want to sit?" She asked Gale, without taking her eyes off the butterfly-to-be. She raised them when he didn't answer.
Gale stared at her hands distantly, not realizing she was talking to him.
"Gale? Don't you want to sit?" He blinked repeatedly, coming back to himself, and motioned to sit next to them. Posy moved immediately as well, sitting on his lap with the confidence of a habit.
Eliza was happy for the proximity, telling herself it was because of how it was much colder in the bunker than she would have expected.
"Okay, so where were we?" She said, trying to hold the fabric as straight as possible. She traced the new butterfly's silhouette in her mind again, and this time getting a smoother start.
"Posy, you're waving it everywhere." Gale complained. "Let me hold it." He took the flashlight from her, who's little arm was probably already tired.
"Why you fight with your friend?" She asked, after a few moments with her eyes glued on to the needle movements.
Eliza exhaled, after a quick glance in their direction and gathering the courage to tell the truth, "I just thought my friend was being a little mean for no reason."
"Why was she mean?"
"Because she is dull." Finnick said, meddling. His face peeked from the top bed, looking at the three of them upside down, and getting a laugh out of Posy. "People here don't like things that make us happy, you know?"
"Finnick!" Eliza muttered, looking around in panic at the few people from 13 that scattered around them.
"Well, it's just a fact! When was the last time you even listened to music in this God forsaken place?" But he recoiled back to his bed, and didn't say anything else, to Eliza's contentment.
"He's right." Gale said a few minutes later. "Music is not something you can spend. You'd expect them to at least allow people to sing."
"I like music." Posy mumbled, and Eliza smiled at the sight of her resting her head against her brother's chest. He moved his finger in the space between her eyes repeatedly. She fought to keep them open, but every attempt was weaker.
"Give her three minutes and she is gone." Gale whispered.
"And you? Aren't you tired?" Eliza knew he had to be, judging by the darkness around his eyes. "How was it today?"
"Hum..." He stared at her fingers, even after she stopped and looked up at him, not saying anything further.
"So, that bad?"
He huffed, "As bad as you can imagine."
Eliza waited a few seconds before asking, "Do you want to talk about it?"
He looked at her, and then back at her hands, adjusting the lantern. "Not really. At least…not right now."
Eliza continued Posy's butterfly for a few more minutes when something crossed her mind.
"Do you...do you remember when you said you liked to listen to Madge sing?"
He nodded, looking at her inquisitively.
"Did you have a favorite song?"
He nodded again and answered without reservation.
"One that was about a starry night. It was kind of slow, but I liked it."
Eliza smiled at her butterfly, because of course it was. It was one of Madge's favorites as well. She'd go on rants about the beauty and symbolism behind the lyrics. How it was a song about death, sanity and sadness.
Eliza took a look, checking whether the people around them were already sleeping. Most of them weren't. Instead, they chatted softly, like she and Gale did, probably too unease to fall asleep at the possibility of another bombing. She waited a minute more without a word, continuing her work. Her voice was most likely rusty, but she dared to sing, before she lost her courage,
Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land
Gale's head had took a sudden turn from her hands to her face, but Eliza pretended not to notice.
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
Eliza stopped after the first chorus, afraid she could be disturbing the people around them. The room had fallen into silence, and she wasn't sure if that qualified as approval or annoyance.
Gale's hand found hers in the darkness, gently squeezing her crooked fingers.
She wanted to stop, but got a glimpse of his eyes in the dim light, and knew she couldn't deny him anything when he looked at her like that.
Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch this world and can't forget
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
A silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow
Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will
Eliza had tears in her eyes by the end, and had barely managed to finish the song. It sounded like a good place to stop at, both her singing and her embroidery.
Gale turned the flashlight off. Then, she felt his hand reach for hers again.
She let her head fall on his shoulder, going against her best judgment, deciding that even if nothing else came of it, she'd at least have that moment.
A/N: The lyrics are from the song "Vincent" by Don McLean