A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

202. Chapter 204

Arthur Pendragon hissed, cursing himself silently as he dropped the pack that he was bringing with him on their trip out of the city for the fifth time. His foot was throbbing by this point, and he could feel the judging stares of those that were accompanying him on his back. But Arthur was determined to ignore the lot of them, as he quickly bent down to snatch the pack back up. But his hands were shaking something fierce, nervousness flooding his body and adding fuel to his anxiety. He felt almost sick with it, as he struggled to tie his pack across the flank of his horse's rump. He had woken up like this, and it had only gotten worse as the hours passed later into the morning, to the point where even he's surprised he hasn't past out or gone into shock or anything of the sort. Arthur knew exactly why he was so nervous though, he thought as his hands weaved the rope into the practiced knots they were supposed to be in, his hands being all kinds of awkward and clumsy and feeling as if they were the hands of some other person bigger and stronger than he was.

He tightened the rope one last time to make sure the pack wouldn't fall off the horse, his eyes darting around to take in the scene around him. He stood right outside the royal stables, with a handful of chosen soldiers standing all around him, each one having a much easier time getting their prepared belongings on the back of their own horses where they were supposed to be. He had chosen the six knights specifically, trying to keep Merlin's comfort in mind, knowing all of the men had clean records and wouldn't dream about harming or upsetting his consort in any way. There were Derrick and Leon… two knights that Merlin were already familiar with. Leon was actually quite pleased to be invited onto their little trip to the countryside, and Derrick was easily as excited since this was his first misson since he was allowed to take off his cast, something that he'd been forced to wear for the last few weeks since the griffin attack fucked up his shoulder. He also had Dorian and Tristian joining in with them, freeing them from their usual assignment of guarding the main gates. The prince was really hoping Merlin would be happy having those two coming along, since the two were such a major help with the trial the month before that allowed them to bring his consort justice. And the last two joining them had ended up being Christian and Markus… two people that Merlin hadn't interacted with in recent times and who Arthur knew wouldn't cause trouble. Christian wasn't bringing any alchohol, so he would be mostly mellowed out on the trip. And Markus was his best friend, so Arthur trusted him to treat Merlin with all the respect that he deserved. The only one that was missing was…

Merlin.

Arthur fumbled, hissing as the rope burned the palm of his hand as he scraped against it roughly. It left the prince cursing under his breath, and even his own horse was starting to trot back and forth as if it was unsettled by how much of Arthur's stress it could probably sense. But horses were just like that, able to sense human things that not even the human wanted to feel. But it was like he couldn't help himself. Every time he thought about Merlin, which was far more often than he would care to admit, it felt as if his heart was trying to get itself permanently lodged in his throat, and he was surprised there weren't stains on his pants from how many times he had to rub the sweat off of his hands onto them. He felt like he was absolutely drowning at this point, and his symptoms were only getting worse the longer it took for Merlin to meet them here.

Arthur was POSITIVE that Merlin was going to stand him up and just not bother to show up even when he knew all of them were waiting for him. Arthur had to keep reminding himself that Merlin was chronically late at the best of times, so this was completely normal for him, and perhaps it was Arthur's fault just for showing up early. And then he had to keep reminding himself that yesterday, the manservant he had assigned to him had insisted he had been informed by Gaius that Merlin would be here and ready to go. He kept questioning himself on whether or not he had misunderstood anything… while he's simultaneously had to force himself to stop trying to subtly smell his armpits. He was positive that he reeked from how much he was sweating… oh, god, he probably stunk! Arthur was going to have to ride next to Merlin for the better part of a day and Merlin was going to think he stunk, and he would have another reason to hate Arthur if he had to endure Arthur's funk. But Merlin was always so late, maybe if Arthur hurried, he would be able to have a back prepared for him and meet Merlin when he was smelling of lemons or citrus or whatever his damn soap is made out of—

"Merlin!"

Arthur's stomach jolted, and he felt as if he was about to throw up right then and there when he heard Derrick's exclamation from somewhere behind him. It was dizzying, but Arthur spun around, and was able to lay his eyes on Merlin for the first time in weeks. Ever since Arthur had made his decision last month, he's been having a pretty... rough time of it. He made plan after plan, spending hour after hour on the training field trying to come up with any strategy kind of strategy that might work. Training was something that usually put him into this pretty good headspace, and allowed him to think more clearly, but it had failed him utterly. He was no closer than he had been the first day he had decided he would… give Merlin that perfect first kiss that he deserved after having put up with Arthur for as long as he had.

"Derrick! I didn't realize you were coming."

Merlin's voice was like a bright spot on the horizon, drawing Arthur in just like a bee was drawn to its honey. His consort was just standing there, striding to meet with Derrick as the two of them clasped hands briefly upon the boy now arriving at their little group. Merlin hadn't seemed to notice Arthur stood there near them, or perhaps he simply didn't acknowledge Arthu's presence, but the prince still found himself straightening out his chainmail as if to make himself look a bit more appealing to the one he had hurt so badly. But while Merlin was starting up an easy-going conversation with Derrick about how he had gotten assigned to this mission, Arthur took this time to study Merlin. Drinking him in as much as he could, the sight of him doing nothing but making Arthur feel as if he had just swallowed his tongue. All that fluffy dark hair tousled against the consort's head, and those blue eyes piercing into Derrick's with calming ease, and those pink lips spread wide into a pleased smile. Merlin looked… good. He looked… happier, than Arthur had seen him in quite a while. He carried a bit of shadow under his eyes still, as if his sleep was eluded him just as Arthur's had been, but he looked… lighter. It made Arthur bow his head a little, bringing up a hand to fidget with his hair anxiously. He wondered if this was how the other boy was supposed to look like, how he would've spent these last five months if Arthur hadn't sunken his claws into him.

It was only when Gaius stepped up into the group, nodding his head to Derrick in greeting and allowing Leon to take his bag for him, did Arrhur realize he had to step up now. Merlin was… an amazing talker, and he was positive that any kind of conversation could last just as long as all the many times he and Arthur had wasted arguing. But his hands were already dripping with sweat again and his tongue felt as if it was being tied into knots… when has Arthur begun to get scared of just being in Merlin's vicinity? When had it started feeling as if there were no words in the human language that could adequently say, 'its quite nice to see you again after these last few weeks where we have regrettably refused to allow our paths to cross.' Perhaps this deep seated fear had only started to emerge, deep in his chest, when he had made the decision to gain consent to kiss his consort's petal pink lips? But… no. Arthur knew that this fear inside of him had been there long before he decided to give back to his consort the one thing Arthur should have never taken away from him unwillingly. This fear has been there for weeks now, for months, if one wanted to be technical. Probably right around the time Merlin had punched him in the face, forcing the prince to pull his lips off of Merlin, his tongue still tasting the sweetness that lingered in the depths of that boy's mouth. But he couldn't let 'fear' stop him from making himself known to Merlin. They were going to be gone together on this trip for a good three or four days, and with a group of nine people, it wasn't as if they'd be able to go on ignoring each other forever. Though Arthur was sure Merlin'll be more than willing to try if Arthur allowed him to.

"Hey, Merlin!" Arthur blurted, his voice coming loud and uncorridinated, while simultaneously cutting off whatever his consort had been about to say to the other knight, Derrick. As well as Dorian and Tristian who had joined the two of them at some point, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. The prince felt as if it probably would have been better if he had just kept his mouth shut and allowed Merlin to go about his business without any interference from him. The consort was now staring at him, Merlin's piercing blue eyes stabbing into him far worse than any steel blade could have, and he watched as his beloved consort's happy face dropped into something neutral and guarded. The other knights were staring at him as well, and Arthur realized that this was probably the first time he had ever truly been an outsider. The one standing on the edge of society, desperate to scrape the bottom of the barrel but still managing to somehow come up short still. Arthur cleared his throat, trying to regain a bit of control and decorum over himself, reaching out to clasp Derrick on top of his shoulder, smiling as if he didn't realize he was an interloper. "Here, why don't we allow Derrick and the rest of these guys to bring out the gift I brought with me. I think you are really going to like it! It's nothing expensive, and I think it'll be quite practical for you to have considering our trip this week will take us out of the city. You'll need it if you plan on going to your new… new estate."

Arthur hated himself when he saw weariness already starting to cloud Merlin's eyes, his body tensing as if he was waiting for Arthur to drag out something he felt was recklessly expensive for him to own. Arthur had to admit that he never really landed it when he presented Merlin with gifts, the handful he had gotten him had always held some sort of strings attached that Merlin had caused him to see straight through Arthur. But Arthur had a very good feeling about Merlin having this one, because it was practical! That's exactly something he felt the consort would want, something that wouldn't just sit usually in his room taking up space in a guardy fashion. But while they were standing there, Arrhur could not help that notice that Derrick hadn't moved from his spot, staring at Arthur as if he had lost his mind while simultaneously growing two heads in its place. Still smiling at Merlin as if everything was okay, Adrhur gave Derrick this harsh push on his shoulder to get him moving. Still clearly confused to hell as to why he was being given this assignment, Derrick finally started walking off towards the stables where Merlin's present was hiding. And although it certainly didn't need three sets of hands to wrangle it, one quick glare from Arthur had Dorian and Tristian tripping over themselves to follow Derrick. Leaving Merlin and the prince alone, since Gaius was off talking with Leon all about the pracalities of their travel route.

Arthur shifted uncomfortably on his feet, still highly aware of the way Merlin is staring him down. The stare felt as if it was leaving an itch under Arthur's skin that bad him fidgeting with uncertainty, too afraid to speak up just in case he ended up saying something stupid once again. So, his eyes glanced around to the rest of the men in their group, lingering needlessly long in order to waste a bit of time before the present Arthur had painstainkingly chosen for Merlin to come out. Gaius and Leon were still talking quietly among themselves as Leon assured Gaius every possible security protocol was being met for Merlin's safe arrival at the estate, while he was securing Gaius's pack onto the backside of the extra horse they had been holding onto. And Christian and Markus were off to the side, whispering among themselves, though Arrhur could hardly see the two of them since they were mostly hidden by the horses. But it was no matter as Arthur was sure he'd see them plenty during the trip itself. There was only so much they would be able to do in their one short visit to check out the new estate that had been recently put into his consort's name. But, eventually, the stress of everything and nothing was starting to get to Arthur, and he flashed a VERY un-coordinated grin at Merlin, trying to make it seem as if everything was under control. When NOTHING was under control.

"You know, I was the one that picked Derrick for this mission."

Arthur laughed awkwardly, as if he was expecting some kind of praise or even feedback on how good he has chosen the men who were accompanying them to Merlin's estate. But Merlin was still staring at him impassively, as if he had no opinion one way or another on how much Arthur had stressed himself out over this past week to pick the perfect group of men who would be in Merlin's company. And Arthur's laugh died off awkwardly, as he averted his gaze down to the ground. Perhaps he should just have Gaius sew his mouth shut in order to get him to stop embarrassing himself in front of Merlin. It might be the only thing that could stop himself from being a fool in front of the his consort, who was so perfectly put together that it was ridiculous when compared to Arthur's frazzled state. Arthur had been stupid to think Derrick was a safe topic for him to approach. Arthur didn't even LIKE Derrick. No, scratch that. Arthur liked the other knight just fine. It was only seeing the way Derrick was talking to Merlin as if it was the easiest thing in the world, as if he had never said anything that led to him embarrasing himself in front of Merlin, that had gotten underneath his skin. Fuck, Arrhyr thought as he chewed the inside of his cheek, he could feel the stirring of words forming on the tip of his tongue. Merlin was staring at him still, and the silence was stiffling, and why the bloody hell hadn't Derrick returned to put an end to his misery?

"I really do hope that you like your present. I've been looking into this since we got confirmation that we'd be able to leave to check out your estate. So that's been… what? Two weeks ago, today? I'm pretty sure it was two weeks, but its pretty important for you to have one of these. To be honest, it probably would have been a good idea to get you one when you first got to Camelot, but it just never crossed my mind since I wasn't expecting for you to ever leave from the city." Arthur rambled, word after word piling from his lips and feeling as if they would never stop coming if he didn't stop them himself. But Arthur didn't know how to stop himself from rambling like some kind of lunatic. Merlin was staring at him still, and it made Arthur feel as if he had to fill the silence with anything to keep the silence from drowning him. How had Arthur ever managed to keep long hours at his desk, working on papers and initiling his signature, when just five minutes in Merlin's presence made that silence so… stiffineing. "I scoured every available one we had, trying to narrow down my choice to the one that I thought you'd like the most. You'll be impressed with it, I'm sure. I didn't want to give you one that might be too aggressive and was liable to buck you off at a moment's notice, especially if you're a beginner. But I couldn't have you get one that was too Squamish either, just in case it tries to buck you off if it sees a snake or something. But if its too sweet, it might not be a good fit if we get jumped by bandits or something while we're out on the open road… thank god! Derrick's back!"

Arthur couldn't have contained his excitement at seeing Derrick finally walking out of the stables, with Dorian and Tristian following behind him. In the time he had been rambling on, Merlin's eyebrows had steadily creeped higher up along his forehead until the dark beauties disappeared into his hairline. He knew that he had practically given away what he was giving to give to the boy, but it was as if he couldn't contain himself, until all he wanted to do was shove his entire foot into his mouth just to shut himself up. But Derrick's arrival was the perfect excuse to finally turn his attention onto something else, and the prince strode forward so that he could take the reins of the horse Derrick was holding from his hand. He knew he could have easily allowed Derrick to hand the horse off to Merlin, so he could stay standing beside his consort, but… he didn't bloody want to. This was HIS gift to Merlin, and he wanted to be the one who handed it to him. So Merlin would understand that this was from ARTHUR, and nobody else had helped him or suggested the idea. It was sorely Arthur's project and he… he just really hoped Merlin fucking liked this gift. His stomach twisted in trepedition, the knots forming made him feel like he was going to be vomiting any second now, as he guided the horse over to where Merlin was still stood.

"…Here."

Arthur' voice croaked, suddenly so dry as the fear clogged his throat when he handed the reins over, sliding the supple leather into Merlin's slim little hands, watching as his consott's long fingers took hold of them. Arthur felt aa if he's trembling in his boots, knowing whether or not he vomited all over the boots of his consort would depend on what Merlin had to say about his gift. Memories of all the gifts he has tried to give Merlin in the past flashed through his mind faster than he could keep up with them, each failure mocking him like a ghost that refused to leave no matter how many times he tried banishing it. And his consort still wasn't saying anything, his blue eyes staring up at the dark horse in front of him. Why wasn't Merlin saying anything about his new horse? It was just a horse, but it was the most beautiful horse Arthur had been able to find on such short notice. And it checked off all the boxes Arthur had required for in a horse he would be entrusting to carry his consort long distances for the rest of its life.

"…Youre letting me use one of the horses from the stables? I just assumed I'd be sharing a horse with Uncle Gaius or something..."

Merlin's voice sounded bland, still staring up at the horse that was suddenly in his possession as if he couldn't contemplate exactly what he was seeing. And Arthur nearly blanched at the thought, before he caught himself. He would not ever seem Merlin so unworthy that he would be forced to ride a horse with any other person, especially when there were plenty of horses that were trained up but never actually in use unless they were in wartime. Or, if Merlin decided he would prefer riding with somebody else because he was uncomfortable riding a horse on his own, then Arthur would have been willing to allow the boy onto the back of his. It would be awkward, for sure, feeling Merlin' heated body just a scant inch away from his own, feeling Merlin's arms wrapping themselves on his middle if they started going too fast and he got scared. Awkward would be too small a word for it though, once Arthur started thinking about how easy it would be to turn his head around and try to catch Merlin off guard with a kiss he would never forget against those petal pink things he called his lips. Arthur cleared his throat roughly, shaking such images out of mind, knowing a kiss on the back of a horse was not NEARLY good enough for the perfect first kiss the consort wanted.

"Um… no. I'm not letting you USE one of the horses from the stables, it would have been a pretty poor gift if you were expected to give it back. But its meant for you, actually. For you to keep for as long as you wanted, your very own. Its not much, but I didn't think you would want one of the fancier horses to begin with." Arthur quickly corrected, he didn't want Merlin believing he couldn't get attached to the horse because he thought Arthur was loaning it to him just for their trip. Arthur didn't do loans. Anything that passed from Arthur's hands to Merlin's, he was more than welcome to keep as his own. But… what if his little consort didn't like horses? What if Merlin was two seconds from cursing Adthu out because he was upset with him again? Arthur panicked, his heart fluttering like mad inside his chest as he hurried quickly to say, "It's not that I don't think you are incapable of finding your own way there and back or anything. I simply figures… this might not be the first trip we end up taking out of the city, so this would just be easier for us both, knowing you had a solid means of going from one place to another. And its not just for your own convenience. You are more than welcome to come and visit him at the stables anytime you want between any trips out of the city we might take. I mean, the stablehands can do much of the grunt work, but you can take him for a ride whenever you want, or feed him treats and thinks like that. You would… would you like to do that?"

Arthur's voice stumbled over his words, watching as his consort's hand rose to rest on the nose of the dark horse, Merlin's touch gentler than anything he had ever seen before. He was so used to Merlin's rough ways, to watching the boy scream until his face was red with fury and his fists were coming at Arthur just so he could inflict some kind of harm onto him. He was used to Merlin wanting to contradict him at every turn just so he would go against him, even if Merlin's always right in those cases. He was so used to Merlin being… antagonistic, for every right reason in the world, that seeing him being gentle with this creature in front of them, that it took his breath away. Full stop. Arthur's breath felt as if it was lodged somewhere in his throat, watching as the horse butted the tip of its dark nose against Merlin's still fingers as if trying to coax them to play with him some more. But Merlin's attention was on him now, and Arthur panicked at the sudden gaze pinning him into pace.

"You mean… this trip isn't just a one time thing we are going on just because I happened to end up somehow owning my own estate? There'll be other times I'm able to leave past the gates and see someplace other than what's inside of these walls?" Merlin demanded suddenly, giving Arthur a squinty eyed stare as if he thought Arrhur was about to recant what he said and demand Merlin stay in the very place he likened to a prison. Horror struck Arthur, sharp and hard in the pit of his ribs… Merlin really thought Arthur would never allow him to leave past the walls. Perhaps that had been true at one point. A time in which Arthur would be dead set on Merlin staying within the castle for the rest of his days if only to give Arthur peace of mind. But if Merlin wanted to take more trips from the city grounds, then Arthur would just have to clear his schedule and escort him to wherever he wanted to visit. If Merlin wanted to see the world, and all it had to offer him, than Arthur wanted to be the one to show it to him. "And you are going to let me do all of that, while riding on the back of a horse that from this day forth, will be mine? I can ride her whenever I want to without you just showing up and trying to pull me away because I was giving it too much of my attention or something, right?"

Arthur's face flamed, knowing for a fact that both Dorian and Tristian must've heard that last comment coming from Merlin, though both of the knights were suddenly insanely focused on checking over their horses that had been looked over already. Arthur knew he was going to regret the day he spewed to Merlin all the obsessive thoughts he has about his stupidly thick hair and stupid blue eyes and stupidly flawless pale skin that haunted Arthur's dreams—literally on these days. And now Merlin was throwing his 'heat of the moment' confession last month back in his face. As if Arthur would ever drag Merlin away from the creature he loved to spend time with just because Arthur wanted some of his attention. As if he would ever take away the horse he had given to Merlin just because Merlin was looking at it with gentle eyes he had never looked at the prince with the entire five months they'd been married—for good reason. As if Arthur would ever—the prince stopped in mid-thought as he watched the boy raising a hand and gently combing it through the dark mane of hair making its way down the length of the horses neck. Arthur swallowed hard, being able to see the way the dark strands of hair twisted briefly around Merlin's pale little fingers before they fell free. Okay, Arthur admitted as his stomach twisted in agitation, maybe he minded a little too much that Merlin allowed himself to be gentle to a horse the way he was. And maybe Arthur wondered a little bit what it would feel like if Merlin ran his fingers threw HIS hair, like he had the day he and Arthur had gotten married. If Arthur had known there would come a day in which he want WANT Merlin's fingers touching his hair, perhaps he would not have jerked away when he had done it. The prince swallowed down the sour he felt on his tongue, pushing down every bit of jealousy he had toward the horse that he had chosen for himself.

"Of course, Merlin. Perhaps this trip might be just the first trip that will lead us to many that we will take together. There are plenty of places that are barely a day's ride from where we are now that you might like to see. Smaller cities that might give you different things to see? Or perhaps you would like to see some ruins if that's more you're thing? Explore what was left behind by those whose come before us? There are also dozens of riding trails that stretch beyond the gates of you wish to see more of the forest? I know I've stressed how much of a danger it can be without the proper guide, but I'll be able to lead you to them if you wanted to take a break from how loud the city can be sometimes. There is even a waterfall I know of several miles from here that might be interesting if you wish to see that instead?"

Arthur listed off the first several places that he could think of off the top of his head that Merlin might like to see. They were only small parts of the world that Arthur could show to him, but they could start out small and work their way to places that were further away and would need extensive preprestions for such lengthjy trips. But Arthur didn't know if he had said the right thing or not when Merlin turned away from him, his face giving no expression as to whether he'd be pleased with trips like that or not. Arthur sucked on his inner cheek, taking a glance around to see none of the other men in their group seemed as if they were getting restless with how long it was taking for them to start their ride to Merlin's new estate. Arthur returned his gaze back to Merlin, watching with his stomach twisting itself deeper into knots as the consort ran his head down the length of the horse's hair. It was a real beauty of a horse, standing higher than Merlin by several itches at least. It had a dark coat that reminded Arthur of the darkness in Merlin's own hair, with a long mane of dark hair flopped along one side of it's neck, an equally thick amount of hair on its tail. The only color that was on the horse seemed to be a splotch of white color directly in-between its dark brown eyes. It was a classy horse, with thick muscles hardened from the years it had been under the care of their best horse-wranglers. It didn't even have a name yet, but Arthur was sure Merlin would fix that tragedy. Arthur did shift for a moment from foot to foot, gathering up what little courage he had to step up beside Merli while trying in vain to remind himself he wasn't a twelve-year-old girl who needed the extra boost just to talk to someone.

"You know, this horse still needs a name, and I think you can could really come up with something special to call her. I mean, you have called me thousands of different names since we've met, and those always just seem to hit you during our, um… during our past fights. But uh," Arthur could feel himself floundering as Merlin refused to acknowledge he had spoken, already running a soft hand down the horse's neck, taking a moment to check out the leather saddle that's already been strapped onto the horse by the stablehand before they arrived to pick him up. Merlin may be acting as if he couldn't hear Arthur speaking to him but Arthur wanted to curse violently beneath his breath. He was so stupid! He had to be the biggest moron on the planet if he thought NOW would have been a good time to bring up their fights. This was supposed to be a good moment between him and Merlin! One of their first real good memories! Not something that Arthur soured by bringing up their past. He had to fix this; he had to find some way to salvage this before they ended up having a four day trip without either of them saying a word to the other. Merlin might be able to live like that, but Arthur couldn't. "You know, he reminds me of you a little! Perhaps that was the reason why I picked him out of all the other horses I had chosen. He wasn't even part of the sector I was shown originally, you know? I came across him in the back after I rejected all the other horses. The stablehand said that he was not a good fit for a royal because he can be too gentle to be of any use toward a knight. He seemed to be under the delusion that I was looking for a horse to replace mine with, which is just ridiculous since I've had her for years. But, uh, they left her alone for the most part because she didn't really agree much with the other horses…"

Arthur was trying to make it sound like a compliment, being compared to the horse of all things. Most women would have been offended if Arthur suggested they were anything like any kind of animal, as if what Arthur was saying was some kind of hidden insult. But Arthut remembered going out to the stables all the extra horses being trained were kept, and he remembered being more then disappointed when he couldn't find any horse that seemed good enough for a man like Merlin to ride. Every horse he had been shown looked as if it was way more liable to try taking a bite out of Merlin's nose than let him ride them on a constant basis, walking around the field proud peacocks with a cocky strut the prince had ever seen nobles do. He hasn't even noticed horses could walk the same way! He had been preparing to leave, already knowing Merlin would not ever be happy having a horse that took one look at the way his consort liked to dress himself and refused to let him on his back without a fight. But then he'd seen this one, sitting alone in its little section by itself. Arthur had briefly been scared that it would be TOO gentle for Merlin's own nature, until he had seen it doing something that had sealed the deal and made it the perfect horse for his consort to have.

"So… it was unwanted, as well?"

Arthur's head snapped back up when he heard the softness in Merlin's voice, it was the first acknowledgement that Arthur had gotten that said Merlin was actually listening to him and not just tuning him out or something. But Arthur did hate that word… unwanted. He hated the way Merlin would refer to himself with that dratted word. Hated that it seemed to have become some nickname meant to belittle his consort. Arthur would have insisted that Merlin never call himself by that name again, that he never wanted to hear that word come from the pale pink like that would—soon, if he played his cards right—be pressed up against Arthur's own willingly. But if this was the first time Merlin was going to have an actual conversation with him, then Arthur was going to maneuvers this into more pleasant territory. For Merlin's sake. As well as his own.

"Maybe the reason he was left alone was because nobody really knew how he was going to react towards certain situations. He's quite a gentle creature for the most part, but according to the handler, be could have quite a wild streak when he decides he doesn't like you." Arthur said slowly, trying to choose his words as carefully as he could as to not do something that might offend Merlin in some way. He was very much aware of this being the first conversation they have had in weeks, and probably the first conversation they've had that hadn't turned into a vicious fight within the first few minutes. He had already messed up this morning at least once or twice, every word he spoke seemingly another opportunity to make Merlin angry with him. But things were quiet for now, and Arthur was going to hang onto that for as long as he could. He never really had a chance to simply… stare at Merlin without his face being twisted with rage or disgust. But Arthur supposes Merlin wasn't horrible to look at even when he is fueled with fiery fury. Knowing this made it… easier to imagine leaning over to press his first consensual kiss against Merlin's slacked lips, as a way for them to commemerate their first trip together, one amongst the many Arthur would take him on. But… no. That wasn't a good enough first kiss for somebody that was like Merlin. A being who was as pure as he was tainted. Arthur cleared his throat, his voice sounded hoarse as he continued to speak. "While I was there, once I corrected the handler and told him I was looking for a horse that would suit my consort, he immediately wanted to show me all their gentle mares. The ones that might be suited for a lady who only took a ride occasionally around a garden for the novelty of it, but certainly not one I would want you on the back of. I needed one that would be able to keep its wits about it to get you away to safety should the worse happen while we are so far away from the city. And as I saw this horse kicking a stablehand that was being stupid enough to pull the brush he was using to try and clean her up too hard, I knew it would be a good match. I call what I saw as this horse having the spunk it needs to keep up with you, even though the handler kept insisting he was far too unstable to have my consort on the back of it. But… he doesn't know my consort like I do, right?"

Arthur watched with baited breath as his consort's hand paused somewhere on the length of the horse's neck, his fingers once again getting themselves loss in a tangle of thick hair. He waited for a sign, anything that would tell him what Merlin was thinking right now. He had put so much pressure on himself to find the perfect horse that Merlin could… ride through gardens if he wanted to do it, or one that could keep up while racing through the forests when his little consort was being pursued by danger. A horse that Merlin could form a bond with that was as strong as the one Arthur had with his own mare. After all, this horse was literally going to be Merlin's lifeline, in a way. Arthur would be sure to keep himself in harms way while they were away from Camelot, but this one beast would be Merlin's only means of escape if they got overpowered. Arthur had to be prepared for such an event to happen, but he was paranoid. He was always expecting the worse to happen, especially when Merlin was concerned in any way. Like now… Arthur was preparing for the worse to happen. It would not be surprising if Merlin rejected the horse simply because he wanted to be spiteful towards Arthur. Arthur was half-expecting it, actually, since his heart was racing with the same speed a thousand galloping horses would have. The Consort breathed out one deep breath, Arthur noticed immediately, because of how insanely focused he was on every little action Merlin took. As if the boy would disappear from his sight—like smog in the evening air—should he dare to look away.

"So… you see me wild and unstable?"

Arthur felt as if ice was penetrating each and every nerve ending on his entire body, the hair on the back of his arms and the nape of his neck going straight as if Merlin was some kind of magnetic force dragging them upwards. It felt as if Arthur was drowning, panic spurring in his brain, when Merlin finally turned his head just far enough to look the prince in the eye. God, Arthur hated when Merlin looked at him like that. The blue in his eyes deeper than any ocean had the right to be, but covered with an icy exterior that felt as if it must have been ten feet thick. Which allowed Arthur to only look surface deep, instead of him being able to explore their depths in a way he never could the real ocean. But Merlin's depths… Arthur knew he wanted to see them more than he would ever want to see the ocean floor. To be given a chance to smash at the ice keeping Merlin at a distance, even if it left his fists bloody and torn and scraped down to the knuckle until there was nothing left but bone. He wanted to watch when the ice melted and softened into the warm blues of midnight, giving Arthur the free access to look anytime he wanted or pleased. Arthur was dying. He was dying and he knew Merlin held the knife, and he knew he wanted nobody else to have the knife poised against his jugular like he wanted Merlin to have it.

"No, no, no. I mean… it was supposed to be a compliment, something that you would appreciate because those are things I know about you and not just what I assumed about you. I mean, you can be pretty wild when you want to be, I've never had to work twice as hard to keep up with somebody. And its really not a bad thing if its you that is unstable—" Arthur cut himself off abruptly, knowing he looked as horrified as he felt. He saw Merlin raising that damn eyebrow up at him, as if he was silently wondering what was wrong with Arthur and clearly judging him for whatever WAS wrong with him. But it was MERLIN that is most obviously the problem for Arthur! It wasn't his fault he wanted to memorize the boy from the tips of his hair to the tips of his toes, to have inner knowledge on everything that made Merlin who he was inside and out, and not even get him started on those lips that he was supposed to kiss and couldn't stop staring at if his life depended on it. Which it probably did, considering the way he had his consort staring at him now. But it had been WEEKS since he had gotten to see Merlin, weeks since he was able to stand this close to him, weeks since he was near enough to touch him if Merlin allowed it, weeks since Arthur could take in a breath of air and smell the electricity in the air that always seemed to be the scent of his consort. Was it any real wonder that Arthur had started craving his presence in these last few weeks? He felt as if his body was about to fall into shock because of the overwhelming amount of Merlin hitting him in each and every one of his senses all at once. Arthur started spewing words that did not make any sense to even him, but god help him if he screwed up their trip when they hadn't even left the courtyard yet. "I didn't mean to call you unstable! Its not like that at all! I don't think you're mentally unwell! You're supposed to feel good being called that! Its… its another word for unique. You're unique! And its something I've struggled with in the past, but I… I really... like that you're really unique…"

Arthur felt pitiful, as if he was two inches tall and Merlin was the giant who was going to squash him beneath his peasant boots like one would a spider that is found in the home. Could he honestly be anymore stupid! What in the world is Arthur thinking right now? Telling Merlin the handler called the horse out to be unstable, and then Arrhhr saying the horse reminded him of Merlin?! He might as well just take the knife he imagined Merlin holding and slit his own throat to put himself out of this misery. There was no way that he could turn this around even if he tried. Hell, him trying had only caused himself to be buried beneath mountains and mountains of dirt with no chance of digging through the mess to get himself free. Unstable couldn't have been a worse word for him to use, and unique wasn't exactly the best word either. Unique could mean something good, but it could equally be the polite way of telling somebody that were far different than everybody else. On a spectrum so far away from earth, that one could be considered an alien when compared to the normal folks that roamed the streets of Camelot City. Or, as Arthur liked to think, Merlin was so different from anybody he's ever met before, that he was literally akin to some heavenly being whose been sent down to earth to change him in all the ways he did not know he needed to be changed.

After all, no other man would have made Arthur decide to forget about his own hetrosexuality in order to give him something he desperately wanted.

Merlin was unique, simply for that alone.

"…Whatever."

Merlin's blunt and crass voice made the prince flinch in alarm, not sure what to do next as he watched Merlin rounding the horse. He watched with no hope to salvage the mistakes he's made as Merlin clumsily tied his bag onto the rump of the horse. But Arthur couldn't help but notice that his consort managed to not drop his bag, unlike Arthur who had done more damage to his own foot as he tried getting his bag strapped into place. And then Merlin was back in front of him, faster than Arthur could blink and it honestly took him by surprise now that Merlin was once again in touching distance. Only… Merlin wasn't looking at him. The consort had his back to him, his full attention on his horse, running a soft hand down the side beneath the saddle… he was positive Merlin did not realize how close he was to Arthur. And Arthur kept impossibly still, scared to even breath for fear of alerting Merlin to their position. There were only a few scant inches between them, so few of them that he only had to lean forward a bit to press his chest against Merlin's back, close enough that he could wrap his arms around Merlin's middle and drag him closer so those inches weren't there at all. Arthur had to squeeze his eyes shut in order to not give into that temptation, his body screaming at him to have Merlin be close to him with any way that he could, while his mind equally screamed at him about how stupid of an idea that would be. And all the while, he had Merlin's damn scent cloying in his nose, filling his lungs with the same scent that always hovered on the wind just before a thunderstorm struck.

There was a grunt, and Arthur immediately opened his eyes for fear of Merlin somehow hurting himself in the two seconds he had taken his eyes off of him. But it wasn't a grunt of pain, Arthur realized a second later, when he saw that Merlin had fitted his boot into the stirrup hanging off the saddle of the horse, and was trying to pull himself up. For what felt like the first time, Arthur had to wonder if Merlin had any experiences with horses, and if they had many where he had came from. It would have been amusing, seeing Merlin struggling with climbing onto this great beast that was patiently waiting for him to get settled on his back. But considering the tension between them, Arthur found it far less funny when Merlin managed to get himself halfway up, only to start this slowly slide back down the the ground. For a second, Arthur's heart leaped to lodge itself back into his throat because he thought Merlin was falling, and how had he never realized how dangerous horses could be before just from their height alone, and Merlin was going to end up on the ground at Arthur's feet and with his skull caved in after smashing the fragile thing into the ground. The prince didn't think before he hurried forward, and grasped both hands on either side of Merlin's tiny little waist to stop his descent into the ground. Arthur's grip on Merlin was tight, but not so tight that he would have left bruises behind to mar the flesh. And Arthur breathed a sigh of relief, his heart thundering in his ears with the same strength of a drummer beating their instrument, and only barely noticing that Merlin was light enough that Arthur was able to hold him up with little to no actual effort. It was… sweet…

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

Arthur panicked for the umpteenth time since he was allowed back in Merlin's orbit, and he let out a very… dignified… yelp of surprise when Merlin's screech reached his ears. Arthur jerked his hands away from Merlin's waistline as if he had just been scalded, but luckily for Arthur, Merlin was closer to the ground now and only fell a couple of inches before he landed on his feet. Arthur had his mouth hanging open in undignified horror as Merlin whirrled back around to face him, bringing his hands up to rest on his hips as he glared icy daggers into Arthur's soul. The prince stuttered helplessly, fastening his eyes onto that little waistline he had just been holding onto, his hands burning as if they were trying to memorize the exact width and size and curve that connected Merlin's upper frame to his lower body. He knew that Merlin's screaming had gotten all the others attention, and Arrhur now seven different people watching while he was being humiliated in front of them. His ears were burning red from just how flustered he was, as Gaius showed up at Merlin's side to assess what damage he had assumed Arthur must have left on the consort. But this humailian was sorely Arthur's fault, he was the reason for Merlin screaming, he knew Merlin didn't like to be touched by him and he continued doing it anyway.

"I was just... I… you were going to fall off your horse and I didn't want to watch you get hurt. I mean… our trip… our trip to check out your estate was going to end up pushed back for who knows how many weeks if we had to wait because you got injured. I mean… I didn't want you to be hurt… I just…" Arthur was only making himself out to be more and more of a fool. He was pretty sure even the horses must have been laughing at him at this point because of how fucked up he was being. It almost felt like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Arthur had known he would somehow screw up seeing Merlin again long before the other boy came to meet them. And he had worked himself up into such a horrid frencg of nerve and panic, that he had ended up doing exactly that. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was never going to get Merlin to lean in for a simple kiss if these things kept bloody well happening to him! "I… I was only trying to help. And… I know that I must have started you, and… it… it. But I promise that I won't do it again if you don't want me to. I… you shouldn't be hurt before your big trip out of the city and. I… I'm sorry."

Arthur's eyes darted around frantically, feeling judged and watched in a way he had never been before. He was used to being watched, as something like that came with the territory of being a prince. But there was something else entirely that came with being judged in front of his consort. And ironically, it was only Merlin's judgement that he cared about. How Merlin perceived him and what he thought about what Arthur had been doing and… Arthur couldn't stand here any longer with Merlin staring down his nose at him as if he thought Arthur was missing a few nuts in his head. Honestly, Arthur felt as if he's gone and lost what few brain cells he had been holding onto, he was positive Merlin and his scent had been steadily stealing them away ever since the first day the two of them had met and Arthur had caught scent of that smell the first time in his life. Thoroughly humiliated, Arthhr quickly ducked his head and hurried off to his own horse, trying to hide the redness in his face as he tried comforting himself with scratching the tip of his own chestnut colored horse's nose.

"What the hell was that?"

Arthur didn't even flinch when Markus was suddenly standing beside him, his raspy voice hissing in the prince's ear. But Arthur didn't a knowledge him for a long minute either, resting his hand more firmly against the horse that's been with him ever since his first real adult mission at the tender age of seventeen. There were a lot of things Arthur could have told Markus, but nothing he could say would have been any of Markus' business. He was the one that had been stupid enough to think it was a good idea to grab Merlin like that from behind him; he should just be grateful Merlin hadn't taken a swing at him. He was the one that decided to… belittle?… Merlin by jumping in instead of giving him the time he needed to figure out how to get on the horse properly. And if Arthur's forced to stand here and watch as Gaius and Merlin hissed together urgently, with their heads ducked together to keep things between them, then that was only Arthur's penance for putting his hand on the boy. This… this didn't bode well for how the rest of their trip was going to fare. Arthur just knew he would be walking around on eggshells the entire four or so days they were going to be gone. But… if Merlin wanted him to walk on eggshells, than that's what he was going to do. Even as he struggled in vain not to crush any of them under the weight of his heavy footfalls and even heavier hand.

"LET'S MOVE OUT."

Arthur called over his shoulder without answering Markus, and he knew that it was noticed by the knight when Markus gave an audible huff somewhere over his shoulder. Usually, Arrhur would be trying to smooth things over and give a weak excuse that would soothe Markus' feelings. Since Arthur didn't have very many people he could call friends—Markus was probably the only one if Arthur had to be honest—he surely didn't want to alienate the one he did have. But he was too far gone on Merlin and their unique situation to give two shits about if Markus was being excluded. They weren't children, and Arthur had many adult issues that he needed to work out with Merlin. Markus would be fine since the prince had invited him along on this mission to begin with. So, without further adeu, Arthur fitted his foot into the stirrup of his saddle and climbed on top of his horse with the practiced ease of somebody who had done the same thing for years and years. And one by one, the other knights and Gaius did the same as he had, their horse's neighing loudly as they were straddled.

Arthur kept an eye on Merlin out of the corner of his eye before he gave their group any further instructions. He clenched his hands tightly around the reins of his horse, holding his breath like a parent would when their child was about to climb on a horse for the first time, and they were more scared than the child that they were about to fall off. But Merlin managed it himself, blancing himself on the horse's stirrup before swinging himself over the horse's back. And only because of how closely Arthur was watching, did the prince see the terror that was on Merlin's face as he realized how much higher above the ground he was. Arthur knew that feeling well, remembering the first time he has been put onto a horse for his first riding lesson as a boy. He had never realized how hard the ground was, until he was suspended several feet above it, and realized the one and only thing stopping him from smashing his face against it was the beast in -between his legs that he was expected to control. Arthur had gotten over this as the years past and he got more comfortable on a horse, and he was sure his consort would be the same once he got used to it. But… Arthur was bothered by seeing Merlin's fear at all. Hell, Arthur wanted to take his damn cloak off so he could wrap it around Merlin's shoulders and let him know that he was going to get the hang of it soon. It was supposed to be comforting, but… it was also something Arthur knew would be rejected if he even tried.

"Let's go."

Arthur finally gave his command now that everybody was seated and ready to go, snapping the reins of his horse in a gentle motion. His horse started to go in a slow and steady trot—bexahse Arthur didn't think Merlin was ready for the full speed of a horse's run through the forest—and the others followed behind him. Arthur watched only long enough to see his men falling into formation just behind him, following the instructions Arthur had given them before Merlin and his uncle arrived. This specific formation had the knights traveling in this tight circle, with Merlin and Gaius being situated in the middle. If something should happen and they needed to fight, then their enemy would have to get through several strong knights before they reached either his consort or his uncle. The safe travels was at least something Arthur would be able to see to, even if he's failing at everything else.

X

Merlin Pendragon wasn't entirely sure about this whole 'horse' situation that he's found himself in. Don't get him wrong, it was a beautiful horse and Merlin wouldn't have had any problems with taking care of it after Arthur had given it to him. But this whole riding business was something else entirely, and it took him far too long—with a bit of guidance from Gaius—to figure out how to keep his horse going straight instead of walking sideways into one of the trees that lined the path of the forest they were traveling. Back in Ealdor, there was only a single horse, and certainly not one anybody could ride on. It's mostly used to help tend to the fields, though it was also quite an old beast and was probably becoming too old to keep doing it for much longer. But considering this fact, it should come to nobody's surprise that Merlin had absolutely no bloody clue to control this thing. The height above the ground alone was enough to have him grow a sudden fear of heights that he had never had before, and his stomach twisted and turned before of the swaying motion that was inevitable when one rode a horse. But there was nothing like the pain in his rear and in-between his legs… how anybody could ride for long travels like that was forever going to be a mystery to Merlin. But a mystery Merlin was going to desperately look into.

Merlin's never owned a horse before, and he hadn't known what to think after seeing Arthur handing it over to him. Shouldn't somebody had bothered to see if Merlin even knew how to handle a horse or take care of one before handing it right over to him? Surely somebody would have had a few questions to ask him before suddenly entrusting such a beautiful beast into his hands? But they probably didn't ask… not since Arthur was the one making the decision. Which was why he was so bloody confused... A horse? Arthur had gone out, and from the sounds of it, spent his days trying to procure a horse just for Merlin to ride on. It didn't sound like an Arthur thing to do. Even if he DID get Merlin a horse, then surely he would have sent somebody else in his steed to just grab one of the first horse's they saw and make Merlin make do with it. So he wouldn't be wasting his own time doing something like this.

Obviously, when Merlin thought about it, it did make sense logically that Arthur would want Merkin to have his own horse. If what Arthur said was true, and the trip they were taking now was going to be one of many, then it would be easier for Merlin to have his transportation already ready for him. THAT was the only reason Arthur had gotten him the horse, and Merlin was okay with that. Maybe in the early days, Merlin would have been flustered to know Arthur had placed so much thought into getting him something he would actually like. But as he's much wiser than he was in those early months, he understood that this whole horse thing was only to make Arthur's life easier. Though Arthur didn't have to lie about it, he could have just TOLD Merlin. He wasn't stupid enough to think for even a single second that Arthur was really going to take him to all of those places that he had listed out, and that Merlin would need his own horse to get to them. Arthur couldn't stand his company on the best of days, unless there's somebody else making him feel threatened by getting too close to Merlin. And so, all those little trips he had mentioned were nothing more than teasings that were meant to taunt Merlin with things he would never see. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if Arthur decided to take the unnamed horse back after the group of them returned to Camelot when their trip was over.

The prince HAD called him wild and unstable, after all.

Why would he trust somebody wild and unstable with a living creature?

Why would he want to take a trip with somebody wild and unstable?

Why would Merlin want to GO with somebody who had called him out as wild and unstable?

Merlin had almost wanted to laugh in his face when he had been sprouting off about those trips. It had gotten to the point where such things were starting to become amusing to Merlin. After these last few weeks without Arthur stalking him in some way or another, he had almost forgotten how far Arthur would be willing to go just to trick him into hoping for something so he could take it out of his hands. Arthur simply wanted to orchestrate something so he could laugh in Merlin's face... he would probably 'plan' a trip and then not so up so Merlin's left standing at the gate like a fool for hours. It was ridiculous that, after all of these weeks, Arthur would still be playing this kind of game! It was even more ridiculous that he thought Merlin was still dumb enough to fall for anything he said at face value. But, Merlin supposes, no matter how much time passed all of them by, there were just some things—like Arthur—that would never change.

But Merlin has changed.

And he's outgrown Arthur and his petty lies.

But what he had't outgrown was how much he needed his uncle by his side, and that's exactly why Gaius had his full attention the second the elder man grunted in pain when his horse stepped over a particularly large stone on the path ahead of them. Merlin frowned heavily, watching as his uncle shifted his weight on his own horse to get himself into a better position. He didn't know exactly what he could do… it wasn't as if Merlin was all that used to riding his horse either, though Gaius clearly had more experience on that front than he did. But his uncle did it again, and Merlin's hands twitched around his reins in worry. Maybe the path ahead was going to be too bumpy and hard for Gaius to take with his old bones? How much riding could a man his uncle's age take to begin with? Their trip had hardly started, they hadn't even see the trees start to thicken as they rode further and further away from the castle, the gates just barely seen beyond the trees still. They would obviously need to stop and take a break if they had to, but that would probably add another week to their travel if they had to do something like that every few minutes.

"Uncle Gaius, are you sure it was a good idea for you to come with us? I mean, this estate is an entire day's ride away, so we'll be pretty far from Camelot and the city. Do you think that you'll be able to make the trip, we can turn back and leave you at the gates if you want?" Merlin suggested, after leaning to the side in order to speak to his uncle. He had to grasp onto the saddle to stop himself from free falling to the ground, but he didn't want to be the center of attention if the knights surrounding them suddenly became too nosy for their own good. Most of them were okay, but he never did like Markus, and Christian has been giving him strange looks ever since Merlin had shown up. But… Merlin blinked as he noticed his uncle giving him an offended look. The kind of look that old people got on their faces when their age was pointed out to be a hinderence, which caused Merlin to blush and quickly correct himself. "I simply mean… you are the best physician that resides in Camelot, so is it really wise to be going somewhere that will take you far from home? What if something happens of ir there is an emergency of some kind and they need your help. It would be bad if you came all the way just to see my estate, only to realize the king had fallen ill in your absense or something."

It sounded like a good excuse as any, Merlin thought as he smiled at Gaius in a reassuring way. If his uncle wanted to turn back, then Merlin wouldn't fault him for it. He would hardly want to be around all these knights himself if he had the choice, but Gaius had already explained to him that nobody would allow for the Consort of the Kingdom to wander around the countryside by himself. After all, the last time Merlin had made it past the gates, he had been nearly murdered by two of their own and attacked by a magical flying beast that shouldn't have even existed within their borders. He was lucky he was even being allowed to go see his own property now, instead of them sending somebody else out for a survey of the land or something and just bringing him a report that was more analytical than Merlin would want. But Gaius had responsibilities that would've allowed him to stay back. Merlin might not care for the king or his well-being, but it didn't mean he wanted to find out what would happen afterwards should the king die while they were gone. But Gaius wasn't going for it if the look his uncle gave him was any indicator.

"The King has already given me a week's leave should this take longer than we have planned. He has other physcian's in the area that can tend to him should the need arise. They are less desireable, yes, but they are adequate enough to handle most situations. Considering this is a family matter and this estate has been transferred into our family name, Uther was more than generous allowing my absence for the time being." Gaius said bluntly, wincing as his horse once again stepped over a particularly hard bump in the road that had him jolting in his seat. But Gaius simply gritted his teeth and returned his gaze back to the consort. "Besides, you are absolutely out of your mind if you believe I will just let you go wondering off into the woods with these lots. I actually like to know where you are, and knowing when you'll be returning. With this lot, there'll be a very good chance of me not getting you back."

Gaius said this in a very light hearted way, as if Merlin not returning was only a joke, but Merlin knew there had already been too many close calls within these last five months for it to be an actual joke. But Merlin ended up smiling with his uncle's joke anyway. These last few weeks had been AMAZING with Merlin and his health and him trying to figure himself out and gaining a better sense of his self than he had. Weeks without Arthur breathing over his shoulder has ended up doing wonders for him. He's been eating most of his meals without feeling as if he was going to get sick from eating a single small plate, he had smiled a lot more even during all the lessons on property taxes and such that his uncle has been drilling into his head. He was able to walk through the city and not be swarmed by people wanting to take advantage, he's even been able to have a few conversations with some of the peasant-folk that actually gone and ended on a good note. Merlin was still obsessive on a few things, like keeping things in order in his room to keep a sense of control over his surroundings, but he's made so much progress these last few weeks that he almost felt as if he was a totally different person. And yet, even with Merlin starting to gain back all the confidence he has lost during those first few dark months, his uncle continued to worry about him. It was nice, knowing that his uncle would suffer through a troubling horseride just to make sure none of the knights tried to give him any hard time, which could make his entire progress start going backward. Merlin wondered if Gaius would appreciate a joke of his own… how would Gaius react if Merlin told him he didn't need to worry because Arthur would make sure that he retuned home in the same condition he had left in.

There wasn't a lot Merlin felt like he could rely on these days, considering the many changes his life had overgone during these last few months, but he had realized Arthur was one of them, as ironic as that was. It was Arthur and that whole crazy over-possessive freaky thing he had going on when it concerned Merlin. Arthur's possessiveness had became a keen topic for their fights ever since Merlin had realized exactly how bad it was and how deeply it ran. It was why Merlin was positive he was going to wake up one of these days to find the prince standing above his bed with a sword, prepared to cut Merlin's skin off in order for him to wear it as a coat of something. THAT was how insanely bad he thought Arthur's possessiveness was. And yet, unless it was Arthurs hand that was going to be doing the cutting, Merlin already knew Arthur's pride wouldn't allow him to leave Merlin behind or leave him to be attacked. Somebody might leave a scar on him if he did that, and Merlin understood fully that his husband did not like seeing the marks of others marring his flesh. So strange as such a concept like that was, Merlin was positive Arthut wouldn't let anybody try and torment him on this trip.

"Now, Merlin, before we get any deeper into the woods that we are? Do I need to have Arthur step to the side and have a discussion with him about what he's allowed to do and now allowed to do during this trip? We all know that Arthur's got to have clear boundries before he does more than he has already done this morning." Gaius said bluntly, casting a disgruntled expression towards the man riding just ahead of them. Merlin could see the way Arthur took this moment to glance over his shoulder towards them, only to catch them both already having their eyes on him. And he watched as Arthur quickly whipped back around, the tips of his ears going so red, that it looked as if it could match the color of his cloak. Merlin scoffed, shaking his head, if he didn't know any better, then he'd think Arthur was embarrassed. But if he was, then clearly he was simply being embarrassed because he had been caught trying to stare at Merlin in order to make sure Merlin was doing what he was supposed to be doing… again! "I do know that you already told me when I asked you back at the stables if you are alright, but I really do not like the idea of his hands near you. Not when they've already distressed you enough in the past. There was no reason for him to try and grab you like he did, even if you WERE falling off your horse."

Merlin thought about what that would accomplish… Gaius giving Arthur a real proper dressing down for the way the prince has grabbed onto his waistline as if his hands belonged there. It would be amusing to Merlin, watching the other man getting lectured by somebody who could give him the 'disappointed brow stare' that Gaius always had at his disposal. But again, the only thing that was going to accomplish was Merlin having five minutes of amusement, and… there was no telling what Arthur would do to retaliate once he realized that Merlin's the one that was behind that decision. Would it really be worth it after Arthur's had his buttons pushed? Besides, Merlin supposes Arthur putting his hands on his waist wasn't the worse thing he's done to him. He's honestly been waiting around to see what Arthur was going to do to him considering what their last conversation face-to-face had been like.

Merlin remembered that day as if it was yesterday, the day he had sent away Lancelot and Arthur had accosted him on the way back to the castle. The walk back had led to many things, one of which included the many taunts that he'd thrown the prince's way. The way he had scorned Arthur because he wasn't a good kisser, and the way he had thrown what Valiant had done into his face to compare what he had done with what Arthur had done to him the day he woke up after being poisoned, and the way he had bragged about how Lancelot had to be a better kisser than Arthur was. Merlin had done those things with only a single purpose in mind… to push those very same buttons Merlin feared Gaius would be pushing now if he tried talking to Arthur on his behalf. Arthur HATED with a passion, the idea of anybody expressing any interest in Merlin that was more than professional courtesy, Merlin had learned that the day Gwen kissed him and how Arthur had reacted in turn. But Merlin had been trying to get the prince's carefully constructed mask to break. Arthur didn't care one wit about him! So he had been trying to force Arthur to stop pretending to, and allow the consort to see the same man Arthur had buried beneath this weird mask he's been wearing ever since the poisoning incident. The same man that once took pleasure out of backhanding Merlin and throwing him in the sand in front of all the people simply to 'put Merlin back into place.' Merlin had been surprised to walk away from him after all his carefully placed taunts without Arthur trying to chase him down.

But that didnt mean he wasn't still waiting.

Arthur was planning something, he just knew he was, and Merlin would watch until that 'whatever it was' was finally revealed to him.

Arthur was probably simply waiting until Merlin had his guard down.

But it would be a cold day in hell before sure a thing happened again.

X

Arthur Pendragon had never been more thankful for the silence that seemed to have developed during their travels the further away they got from the city. He didn't think he could spend the entire travel time to Merlin's estate knowing he was the topic of a conversation too quiet for him to hear just behind him. He's going mad just thinking about what Merlin could have been saying with Arthurs name on his lips. He was sure that it was something bad, because when didn't Merlin have his name on his lips while being conjured with nasty curse words that would make most men pause in their steps to see such a tiny thing like his consort speaking. Arthur usually found peace when he was in the woods, all of the hunting trips he has taken over the years giving him a peace he had never felt within the walls of the city. But the scent of the forest air around him didn't do anything but aggravate his nose, Merlin's presence behind him causing him distress. He was sure his other knights had noticed the tense way he sat upon his horse, but he was sure none of them realized Merlin was the one that was causing him all this tension.

Arthur was almost relieved when the trail they were heading down started to break up, the trees becoming sparse and spreading out as they came across a large clearing in the woods. It had almost started to feel as if the trees wanted to close in on him, the shadows they cast in their wake warning him not to do anything that could screw up another of Merlin's first experience… their first trip together… like he had ruined Merlin's first kiss and first date and he's sure there was another first in there somewhere that he had screwed up. He was so relieved by the opening of the clearing that allowed him to breathe better, that it almost took him by surprise when he saw a slab on smooth concrete placed on the edge of the field. It was half hidden by the shadows, the trees casting a dark and ominous air above it. The slab of stone hadn't been stood there when Arthur had been in this field the last time, but it was the slab of stone that was helpful to get Arthur remembering what happened the last time he had been in this spot.

It had been almost a month to the day, but this was the same field that almost claimed Arthur's life, and did claim the lives of ten of his men who had came to this field with him. This was the very same spot that had—just a month prior—Arthur waking up on after he had blacked out, only to find the entrails and the blood of people who trusted him to lead them out to safety, coating the grass as if it was trying to drown it. The same field where Arthur had stumbled onto his feet, and watched as Lancelor appeared on the crest of the hill, leaving his spear where he had lodged it down the throat of the griffin that had taken the lives of so many of his men. That griffin had almost taken him from his consort before Arrhur could make any headway with him, and… the field looked as if it had never happened. Arthur didn't know if somebody had came out here and cleaned up the mess left behind, or if it a month was enough for the rain and the animals that lived in this part of the forest to erase any evidence that came from the horrid tragedy of that day. The only thing that said what happened to them was… the slab of concrete that had been built.

"What is that?"

Arthur almost jumped when he heard Merlin's quite voice coming from behind him, and before the prince had a chance to stop him, the consort was climbing off his horse and jumping to the ground with more ease than he had gotten on the horse with. Arthur's heart leaped into his throat when he saw Merlin's feet touching the very same ground that held so much death and destruction… the prince had been so stupid! He hadn't taken into account that they would pass through this same field on their travels, or how he would react to seeing Merlin standing on that same field. It was wrong for Merlin, who's so good that Arthur often felt as if he shouldn't even be allowed in his presence, to be standing on what was essentially a burial mount. But Arthur sat frozen upon his horse while Merlin broke formation and headed to the stab of concrete. He opened his lips but no words came forth, watching as Merlin studied the words that had been carved intk the concrete. Words detailing the terrible battle that had taken its place here, and the names of those that had been lost.

"It's a monument."

The words came not from Arthur, but Gaius still sitting upon his horse behind him. And Arthur couldn't have been more grateful for somebody else who was able to speak in a way that the prince could not. Arthur had been watching as the consort lifted his fingers up to the stone, to trace the letters of words the peasant-raised man could not hope to read, and he watched as Merlin stopped himself from touching the stone. His fingers hovering over the first dark letter on the stone, his mouth opening in a perfect 'O' of surprise. Arthur would have been staring at the mouth in any other situation, imagining if Merlin's very first perfect kiss he'd been dreaming about would include somebody slipping their tongue into his mouth or not. But there was a solemn air upon the group that made such thoughts improper at this time. Arthur had known they were going to make this monument, he has been been the one to sign off on it once their days had started returning to normal, but there was something quite different about seeing it with his own eyes. Something that reminded him that this was hollow ground, and he needed to get his consort as far away from it as he was able to, lest the quietness that came with death tried to claim his consort like all the others who had made this place their final resting place.

"We should probably go."

Arthur's croaking voice kind of reminded him of a bullfrog, but he didn't care at the moment. All he wanted to do was throw Merlin's body over the back of his horse and ride them both out of there as fast as his horse's legs would have been able to carry them. His arms were trembling as he strained himself to not do something as foolish as that, but the ghosts and the memories of what had happened here were starting to get to him. Merlin hadn't been there the day it felt like Arthur's world was collapsing beneath his feet, he had not been anywhere near this vicinity as the screams of Arthur's men echoed in his eardrums as they started to fall one by one. Merlin hadn't seen the sights that would haunt Arthur for a long time to come, and he was thankful that his sweet consort would never have to see the ugliness that had happened on that awful day. He didn't want Merlin anywhere near something that could stain the sweet goodness in his soul that Arthur himself had darkened during their first horrid four months together.

"No." Merlin's voice rung throughout the clearing with a stretch that Arthur just knew was always going to surprise him. And the prince blinked at the back his consort gave to him, never averting his eyes away from the monument he was standing in front of. Arthur felt the desperation clawing in his chest to get the consort as far away from this tragic place as he could, but Merlin's screams as Arthur caught him around the waist when he fell from his horse still echoed in his eardrums. "I think I want to stay here for just a moment. I don't think many people are going to walk all the way here just to see this monument. I want to memorize the names of the fallen, so somebody other than just their families will remember how they died trying to prevent Camelot from falling when the griffin attacked."

And Arthur found himself blinking once again, his gaze trained on Merlin as if he was seeing a fallen angel coming to life right before his very eyes. His little consort was touching the stone now, his fingers slowly tracing over the letters he couldn't read, his little mouth silently moving as if he was struggling to read through them. But of course, his little sweet fallen angel was struggling to get through the names, his fingers against the stone starting to tremble. It caused Arthur's heart to pick up speed, his eyes wavering as a gap in the tree situated above them caused a light to shine upon his dark haired angel. How Merlin was able to be so sweet that he would want to memorize the shape and size of the letters that made out the ten fallen warriors, would forever be a mystery to the prince. He almost wanted to climb off his horse, and take his place beside the consort, where he should have been this entire time. He wished, more than he had wanted anything in the world, that the consort would welcome Arthur and allow Arthur to take his hand in his. Perhaps it would take hours with them on this hollow ground, but he would take Merlin's fingers and guide them through each letter, one after the other. He would painstakingly sound each letter out for Merlin, so that he could know what the names carved into the stone were supposed to say. And he would take Merlin out here if he ever wanted to come back, and restart the whole thing all over again. Arthur would be pressed close to Merlin during this time, a scant inch of air spreading their faces as he would whisper the names into his ear, but Arthur would only count himself lucky if he got to be that close to heaven. If he got to touch that heaven with a bare hand.

"Arthur, are we really going to entertain something like this? Surely you know it will only add time to our travels if we have to stop like this and watch him make a spectacle out of himself. The people at the estate will be waiting for us, and I don't think the king himself will be very happy if we return a day or two later so we could entertain your consort. I mean, look at him? What does he think he'll accomplish if he does manage to memorize those names? It's not like anybody will reward him for being such a time waster."

Knight Markus had rode his horse closer to Arthur's in order to complain to the prince about how long such a thing might take, the impatience in his voice was something Arthur would've taken note of it he wasn't already doing exactly the thing Markus had told him to do—watching his consort. Yes, Arthur was doing nothing more than watching Merlin. He was watching Merlin trace those letters as his shoulders relaxed more and more with every brush of his fingers across the stone. Arthur didn't think he had ever seen Merlin looking so peaceful in all the time he's known him. It was as if Merlin—the fallen angel that he was—was saying goodbye to the fallen soldiers. Wishing them well as they departed this earth, going to the heavens that Merlin himself was once apart of. It was quite a scene, and one that did not deserve to be disturbed because of Markus and his impatience to finish their trip.

"Hush, Markus."

Arthur barely heard the words leaving his lips, and he barely noticed the way that Markus was staring at him with a scowl. He hardly noticed when his one time best friend gave a loud huff of annoyance and tugged on the reins of his horse so he could get some distance between him and Arthur. The entire world could have been going up in flames, and Arthur would smile even as his lungs were being filled with smoke. As long as he got to carry the serenity of Merlin with him into the afterlife, Arthur would be okay. As long as he got to keep the image of Merlin tracing each and every one of those letters within the depths of his mind, Arthur knew he would work twice as hard as he had been to make sure Merlin got everything he wanted to have from this life of theirs.