I woke up to the sound of Scor's whimpering. He was still in so much pain and there was nothing I could do for him.
"Oh Scor." I whispered, trying not to cry. He would think me weak if I cried again.
His eyes shot open at that. I hadn't meant to disturb him.
"Hey Al. You up already huh?" Scor offered wincing. His smile was so sad and feeble.
"I couldn't sleep very well with you like this."
"You shouldn't mind me. You need your own rest. You've had enough sleep deprivation for a lifetime. With all your secret plotting."
"Are you kidding? How can I rest with you half dead?"
He ignored my words, staring on in silent contemplation. 'Whenever one of us is thinking, something dangerous is created' I whispered quietly to myself. They'd given him ridiculously powerful pain relief potions.
"Hey Al… can I ask you something?" Scor was looking at me intently with the one working eye. I was sad that the color had not yet rekindled itself in the other. I couldn't bring myself to look directly at it.
"Sure Scor, what's on your mind?"
"Why… why did you kiss me like that earlier? Of all the times we've kissed…"
My heart started to race again as he voiced the words aloud. I rolled my eyes purposefully so that he'd notice. I had hoped my feigned disdain would distract him from my feelings.
"I told you not to get weird about it didn't I?" I asked exasperatedly. He didn't seam satisfied by my response. I merely sighed again. "I thought you were going to die. I was so relieved when you woke up… I just got carried away. It's not like it was the first time…"
Scor merely looked at me skeptically. Why couldn't he leave it alone? Why couldn't he just drop it. "You got carried away alright. Nobody i've ever kissed, kissed me like that. I thought we agreed not to kiss anymore…"
"I m-merely…was… happy you were alive. I couldn't have hugged you that hard since you might have shattered, so I did the next best thing. Besides it helped me heal you more."
"It wasn't that I—" Scor broke off midway through his sentence, coughing violently in the process. He was bleeding again from his eye and nose and I couldn't help but start to cry as I watched him wheeze.
"Why would anyone do this to you?" I asked beyond dejected. How could anyone be so cruel? They'd broken his bones, taken his vision, and scarred him in ways I may never know.
Scor's eyes grew wide as he watched me. He tried to speak but the coughing wouldn't let him form his words. He pointed at the mirror on the bedside dresser, motioning for me to use it through the chest heavy wheezing. What on earth was he saying?
The moment I peered into the polished surface, I understood why he had been so shocked. My bruises had healed where the tear trails trickled down my face. My irises themselves were black starbursts with silver veins.
All of a sudden Scor nearly lunged himself at me. It looked like he was trying to kiss me… but through the coughing I couldn't tell.
"What are you doing?"
"Slytherin… family… linked to… Basilisks…" He spewed out amidst the hacking. "Parselmouths… the lot of them… Voldemort… powerful serpentine… abilities. You are… a Peverell… Font of Death... they must… be linked… Phoenixes…instead. Death and Rebirth…"
"What are you talking about?"
"Your songs… your tears… healing Phoenixes…"
"You can't be serious. That theory is beyond absurd. I can't… thats not possible." I looked at his bruised and broken face, then back into the mirror to see my black and silver irises. The eyes seemed to glimmer a fiery field of golden stardust. If a few drops of Slytherin blood could give me the abilities they had then maybe half my Peverell blood could do infinitely more… My Rhoynar blood had allowed me similar powers.
So much about us was weird… why not this? Mercury and Hyperion, the fountain, Scor's heritage… so much was stranger than what he had suggested.
I looked at his lifeless eye and knew I had to try. The tears were already flowing again at the thought that my beautiful Scor could forever be blind. It drove me over the edge. I summoned up every ounce of my Peverell strength flipping through in my mind the black pages of the book that might have once killed me. I combined my knowledge of the Black and Pink tomes and tried something new.
I leaned above Scor and let the substance slip softly away from me. The first drop fell directly into the dimmed orb, while the second landed perfectly on his full pink lips. He licked the pearly tear into his mouth and my heart leapt at the sight of it all. The bruises were vanishing, and the beautiful purple of his eye had returned. This was by far more efficient than my song. Although I was now completely exhausted. I lapped up the last of the magical water from around my own mouth, marveling as the warmth filled me. I blinked as my aches and pains vanished.
"Boy Scor… sniff… when you're right, you're right."
I sniffed again, wiping at my face.
The purple faded to blue and I knew as they did that my own eyes had returned to normal as well. What on earth were Fontlings that they possessed such strange magics? How could I do any of thi—
—All of a sudden he leaned upwards to steal the softest kiss i'd ever had. His lips lingered, unmoving against my mouth. He finally pulled back and watched perceptively as I blushed. I hated the way he was always examining me. I hated the way his perception pierced dagger like through everything.
"You missed one of those tears." He offered in the way of explanation.
"w-what… I did?"
"Mhm"
I gulped. What was he playing at? He was watching me to see how I reacted. I hated that he might suspect. He leaned in again, to within an inch of my lips. "You told me once that kissing me makes you feel better when horrible things happen. That I shouldn't worry about it because it was only required by the spell that links our souls. Well you are lucky that I'm ridiculously high off of these pain potions. This way I won't remember realizing."
"What do you mean? What have you realized?"
"That you're in love with me. For real…"
"I… What?! No… you're wrong."
"Will you agree to stop lying if I agree to kiss you again?" *
"I… Yes."
"Yes you'll agree to stop lying? Or yes you are madly in love with me?"
"Both" I whispered turning red. "How did you… know for certain?"
"Albus Severus Potter… you killed for me today."
"I didn't mean to… I'm sorry… I just… saw you there… bloody and broken… Please don't… hate me…"
"They would have raped me… then killed me if nobody had caught them. You love me enough to hate the people who hurt me. You hated them enough to let that monster kill them… I… know it wasn't your fault."
I started to cry again. He looked up at me curiously. "Whats wrong? I told you its ok."
"You're always drunk or on some spell when this happens… You never remember. It will be the same this time."
"Better that way no? I would hate for us to end up in a dungeon being tortured for the rest of our lives. They took our wands, they assassinated the last M.M. and kidnapped thousands of children for their experiments… god knows what they would do to us for this."
He yawned as he finished.
"But I love you." I whispered as his eyes closed from exhaustion. He had collapsed, leaving me without the kiss he promised…
APOV
I woke up to the sight of Scorpius staring at me, his teal eyes looking brighter and less injured already. I couldn't help but blush, wondering how long he'd been watching me. Wondering what he remembered from last night.
"G-good morning Scor… how're you f-feeling today?"
He leaned in to kiss my forehead, so gently that I froze under the attention.
"I can already see again… whatever you did helped save my vision" He whispered as explanation.
"That's amazing news! Oh my goddess! Congratulations!"
He nodded, still contemplating me with that penetrating stare.
"I've already made you my heir… there's nothing more I can give you as thanks… i'm at a loss Allie."
"What?! Don't be absurd! You don't have to thank me. I… you'd have done the same thing for me wouldn't you?"
He smiled widely and nodded.
"And if I had, you'd have wanted to thank me too. No, you absolutely deserve something for this… you're just always so amazing Albus. I'm so lucky to have you as a friend" He whispered fiercely, a pride and appreciation blossoming across his face.
"Well… ok. You'll think of something to give me i'm sure" I whispered, blushing under his attention.
"Can you believe what my Father said to us yesterday? I didn't mishear him did I?" The blond asked, his face an unreadable mix of shock and surprise.
"Which part?"
"That he'd APPROVE of us… if we were actually an item? That he thought you an EXCELLENT match for me? He and Grandfather are mad about you, if it wasn't clear before. It's insane to think how much they accept you as one of us. Purebloods have disowned their children for infinitely less outrageous notions than two men being together."
I laughed nervously, a pang of confusion forcing the sounds from me in a steady stream.
"I'm awesome Scor. Or hadn't you realized?" I teased, though it wasn't exactly untrue.
"You're amazing. My amazing little brother" He offered, running a hand through my hair. He winced as his fractured fingers met resistance.
Then he started laughing too.
"My dad must have totally lost the plot. How ridiculous…" He added, his laughter a painful thing to hear. Did he think the idea of us was really so ridiculous? Or did it just seam out of place for Draco to be the one to grant his blessing first of any of our family?
He caught my expression and stopped himself immediately, a horror in his bruised face.
"No… Allie… you're not ridiculous… just father… you know what he thinks of the Weasleys. Of your family…"
"So us together isn't ridiculous? You don't find me… ridiculous?"
"Merlin no! I'm sorry I… You're the most eligible wizard of our generation. You're a superstar model, genius inventor and business man… all at barely seventeen. Of course I'd be the lucky one for landing you" Scor corrected, granting me a heaping degree of praise coming from him. He rarely if ever complimented anybody.
I remained silent, a kind of defeated frown straining my brow and cheeks.
"So…um… is there anything you want as thanks then? Anything at all. If it's in my power to give it's yours."
"You don't owe me any thanks ok… just drop it…"
"But I want to thank you. I'm serious. Name something."
"A-alright. When I think of it i'll let you know…"
"Good, no matter what it is i'll give it to you. No matter how outlandish a request" He offered sincerely.
'I might just hold you to it' i thought to myself…
"Scor… on an unrelated subject… your father said something else to me… something I don't think you're aware of, and something I certainly never realized."
"Oh?" He returned, watching me finger his family seal.
"This, did you know no ordinary person can don this ring?"
His head cocked curiously to one side.
"It's not just a ring then?"
I shook my own head in reply.
"Your father said the real reason Lucius likes me so much… that he accepts our friendship… is because only a true member of your family could slip it on without being cursed or rejected by it. Only someone with undying, unwavering loyalty to the Malfoy name… could ever hope to place it onto their fingers… the loyalty of a… spouse…" I explained nervously, watching his features scrunch at the words.
"Well… it's not like we didn't know how much you… care about me. I snapped my wand for you… in front of our fathers… came to the battle of azkaban to help your family survive… it's not like… we don't care—"
—I leaned in to kiss his lips then, not fearing anything but that they should remain apart a moment longer. He grumbled in pain before pushing me away again.
"Allie… what are you doing?" He whispered, shaking his head. "That wasn't… like the other times…"
"I know what I want… as thanks… you will let me finish healing you. You said anything right? My Rhoynar blood is begging me to help… Besides, you know I heal faster than you. My font magic regenerates my cells far more quickly… I can't stand to see you like that…"
"Healing me more, that's what this is about?" He asked suspiciously.
"What else? You did say anything. Didn't you? I hate seeing you vulnerable, or injured. Should I ask for something else then?" I dared, my eyes finding his. "Something more costly?"
"Fine… how should we do this Prince Rhoyne?"
"Take your shirt off Scor." I ordered, watching him obey without question. I climbed onto him as though I might want to ride him, straddling his waist between my legs in a way that clearly pained him greatly.
"Al…"
"Just… do not stop me. No matter how much bruising or blistering you see" I commanded, taking my own shirt off. I leaned down to begin kissing his neck, my lips moving a trail down his shoulder and onto his chest. I watched him exhale nervously, his lids closing as I meandered a trail of loving pecks slowly along his skin. I exhaled too as I rose to find his mouth, moving our tongues against one another as he pushed his way in.
Pain ROARED through me as his broken bones mended themselves as payment for sacrificing my own.
MORE
'I NEED MORE' I realized, not caring that the price for this intimate exchange was excruciating pain or physical damage. Sacrifice magic coursed through us as I dragged on him like a deep puff on a cigarette.
Then I felt something i'd never felt before from a sober Scor. His cock stiffened beneath my ass, protruding offensively into the crease there.
"Al i'm so sor—"
"—Shut up… it's just a body reaction… I need to concentrate… to heal you" I ordered, secretly loving the feeling of his hung member pressing needily against me. He looked terrified as he watched more injuries blossom along my skin, spreading lower and lower across my torso. Next the actual cigarette burns and whatever blistering jinx's had been used, transferred over. Cartilage damage followed, more muscle tissue and inflammation after.
"This is how you heal? As though you were my lover?" Scor asked, gasping as my tongue licked at his skin. I bit his ear lobe seductively and swooned to feel another twitch beneath me.
"Unfortunately, this is what my Rhoynar instincts are telling me in this case" I mumbled, leaning down to press our naked torsos against each other. "The phoenix tears are too costly to use… I have to use Rhoynar energy over Peverell energy…"
"It doesn't… help my fear and confusion about us… not one fucking bit you know…" Scor complained, breathing deeply into my hair.
"I don't care what you're afraid of… I just… need to fix you… that's all I know" I whispered, pulling back to look into his eyes.
"You're so beautiful Al… it's insane really…"
"Even like this?" I asked, feeling damage spreading out even farther along my abdomen and shoulders.
"Always" He answered, brushing my hair aside. "Whoever wins you will be the luckiest girl alive."
I frowned at his choice of words.
'Stupid oblivious boy' i shouted to myself 'You're the one I want. It has always been you!'
"Now that's enough… your body… it's turning purple. I feel brand new already."
"It's NOT enough."
"Yes, it is" Scor fought, gently pushing me away by my shoulders. I was sitting upright back in his lap, the feel of his twitching cock a dreamlike sensation.
'Is this what he'd look like from this position?' I wondered, wishing suddenly he'd lower his pants… wishing not for the first time that he was inside me again. His hand splayed open against my abdomen as if he too was picturing what I was. He ran his hands down my sides until they came to rest against my hips. Then he pressed into me through the fabric of our clothes, pulling me by my sides down against his manhood. We both stopped in our tracks.
My eyes grew into wide, accusatory saucers. I licked my dry bloody lips and removed myself from him without pause.
He'd made a mistake… just slightly too far i realized.
"For once you make the error…" I huffed, turning away from him.
"I… Ashera's tits… you just… your healing magic made me… lose it."
"Well, you make me lose it too sometimes Scor…"
"Stop it… don't go there…"
"Why are you so afraid of me loving you anyway? Would it be so awful?"
"Al, do NOT do this."
"I'm not saying I do! For fucks sake you panicky mess… I've never even been kissed by anyone but you and Raven. I don't… know how to feel or why this keeps happening… but you can't do that… you just… why did you just do that? FUCK…"
"I'm not gay Albus…"
I stuck my broken hand into his pants, seizing his stiffness with my soft fingers. My digits screamed, cracking further at the mistake.
"Tell that to this. Weirdo…"
"That's just… a body reaction… you were snogging me like a little whore…"
"Fuck you…" I whispered headily, pulling against his skin as though to start stroking him.
He pulled me out of his pants then, twitching once more as the contact faded.
"Again why would it be so horrible? I'm not asking for this so don't be stupid… I just want to know why you're so afraid… it kind of offends me… that you think me Ridiculous…"
"Why? Are you joking? What if we break up? What if my need for a woman is too great to indulge you forever? What if everyone else found out and renews their pursuit of us? Do not let yourself feel what I fear you might already… ok… I won't lose what we have now. Not for anything… even if for augments sake it's more wonderful than I can imagine… we have so many plans together. To live together, study and produce music together, business and experimentation and politics and adventures around the world. Don't fuck this up! Don't be greedy!"
I rolled my eyes but remained quiet.
"But you're just pissed about me making that 'Ridiculous' comment earlier… aren't you? You're just teasing me with all of this right? Paying me back for pressing into your ass like that?" He asked hopefully, denial heavy in his words.
"I'm not ridiculous… I save your life and you think me just… a horny chump? A greedy little whore i believe you said?"
"I also said anyone would be lucky to have you… didn't i? For fucks sake you're the best Al… I wasn't lying. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings… especially when all you wanted was to heal me more… Its my mistake for not recognizing that the font of love would require some kind of… devotion to it… heatedness… whatever physical drive THAT was."
"Fine… forget it… you're better now… I did the job… i'll just need some time to heal. You can go if you want."
I rolled over and fell asleep almost immediately. To spite him I pulled on some of my life-force from the future, something I promised i'd never do again. One whole week of my life I burned to speed up the healing that day. Seven days I would never get back.
'Fuck you Scor. There's my revenge.' I cursed in my head angrily.
When i woke up, Scor was no longer in bed with me. He was sat in a chair facing my sleeping form, his eyes closed peacefully shut. He had a folder of order reports disguised as school notes open against his chest.
I watched the air fill his lungs and stream steadily out again. Over and over the scene repeated, until I spotted Louis and Raven enter the hospital wing from its far end. Trailing behind them were Lily and Marcus, Agi and Aurora too. Then… oh great… Max, Melody and Lysander streamed in just after.
They made their way towards us to quietly surround the bed.
I put my fingers to my lips, which encouraged the lot of them to levitate chairs from other parts of the room towards us. They settled in with grim smiles and nods my way, content to be here for me even if in silence.
Lily pulled herself up as close as she could.
"He never left your side… I almost beat him myself when I found out he let you heal him this way." She whispered, hurting me when she brushed the hair from my face. My whole body still felt sore and tender.
"I've been out for a few days haven't I?"
She nodded, shifting to examine my sleeping blond.
"Are you… mad at me Lils?"
"Al… we all are. You are so reckless sometimes that it beggars belief."
"I… i heal faster than him… it was safer for me to assume these injuries…"
"Safer for you to jump in front of a dragon to save my mum too?" Lysander shot skeptically.
"Safer for you to take on that demon in japan?" Max inquired.
"Safer for you to risk an EX-12 recoil storm to heal my father?" Louis added.
"Well I… I just…"
"Have a death wish? We know." Raven scoffed, also clearly furious with me.
"When did you all get here?" Scor groaned groggily, stirring from his slumber. He blinked as his consciousness rebooted, staring around the room from one face to another.
Lily got up and walked over to the idiot. She stopped only for a moment before she began swatting at the gits shoulder.
"How could you let him take on your injuries! Stupid boy! Stupid selfish boy!"
"Stop it LILS! Don't touch him! You know what they did to him!" I barked hoarsely, hurting myself as I shifted in the mattress. I felt my eyes glow as my magic froze her hand mid air.
"Boss! You can use magic again?" several of my friends shot, rising from their seats in excitement. I released my sister's appendage exhaustedly.
"It seems so"
"Why shouldn't he get a whack? His assault doesn't excuse allowing you to maim yourself for his benefit."
"It was my choice to heal him! Leave it Lily alright!?" I barked, angrily. I felt a hot liquid dripping down my nose and realized it was my own blood.
"Fine… but don't you need to get to class Scorpius? You've missed a lot already."
My sister's glare felt icy and impersonal the way it bored into Scorpius's form. She wanted him gone, she wanted him away from me. I cringed when she dabbed my bloody nostrils, using a spell to staunch the bleeding.
"I'm exempt from classes Lils, i've already gotten permission to—"
"You haven't got my permission right now. He's finally awake, but that doesn't mean he can forgo his rest."
Everyone assembled seemed to shift uncomfortably at the biting snap of her reply. She'd barked out her interruption so forcefully that we couldn't help but wince at its vitriol.
"But he'll be able to relax with the rest of you crowding him?" Scor demanded. He looked at me as though to say 'go on, tell your sister it's fine for me to stay'. Somehow though, I said nothing. I wasn't sure i really wanted him to stay. The last few night of fitful dreams and restless sleep had only reinforced how much Scor would never be mine. He didn't love me the way I loved him… it had only hit me fully now.
"I may not have healed you entirely Scor… you've probably spent enough time in that uncomfortable chair by my bedside. I'll be ok."
If everyone had shifted uncomfortably before, this time their surprise was palpable.
"Are you serious right now Al?"
"If it makes my sister feel better… if it means you'll also tend to your own health… why not take some time to get yourself a proper meal and good nights rest?" I tried to make my question seem innocent and thoughtful, disguising the real reason I didn't want to see his face hanging around me. If that didn't work i'd have to tell him i was too tired to have any of the orderlings around.
"See, you can go now Scorpius." Lily grinned out triumphantly.
"Why are you so cross with me Lils? I didn't do anything! I was attacked for Merlin's sake."
"You didn't do anything to stop him healing you either. I can't believe you say you care about him? Your best friend shouldn't have to bleed for you."
"Hang on, he saved my life… i offered him anything in the world he could think of as thank you… the only thing he wanted was to heal me. He insisted… Al… tell her."
"That's true, Lils, don't be cross with him, just, let him get some rest
"I want to stay Al, I don't need my rest. Please?" He begged, looking at me.
"Is there any pain reliever around?" I asked weakly, happy when Lily held up a glass of pink water for me to sip on.
"Maybe we all should go?" Max inquired, sensing something the others did not. "If you're really not well enough to have us here yet?"
"Whatever my sister thinks is best… just… no more arguing… i'm getting a headache from it."
"Genius fucking twit you are… I guess you'll tell me later why the fuck you don't want me around? Or am I meant to guess as always?" Scor asked rhetorically, grabbing his notes and his cardigan so that he could depart.
I watched him go even as I gulped slowly on more of the concoction, his grumpy frame amusing from behind.
"Really Al… it's no trouble for us to—"
"—No, the rest of you can stay." Lily finished, interrupting Max this time. "He'll want to hear reports from the department heads."
Raven sighed but launched into a series of overly condensed updates on order operations. He told me about work on the club, minutiae to do with the label and planned single releases, and finally the R team's progress on the pocket dimension and it's other projects.
I thanked them all for continuing the operations while I was incapacitated, which made Lysander look like he was about to cry.
"What's wrong Ly?"
"Worried bout you" He sniffled out, trying to maintain his composure. "We all were." He added, dropping his gaze suddenly when he realized I was staring. I patted the side of my bed, kissing his hand when he drew close.
"Thanks everyone… again…"
My friends all either nodded or smiled.
"Just… don't hold this against Scor… I may have injuries but the trauma of the attack happened to him… Don't forget that guys. Be mad at me for my recklessness, but don't blame Scor for something that happened to him. Ok?"
"Fat chance of that big bro. You think i'll just—"
"That's an order…" I whispered gravely, the first time i'd ever bound Lily by her oath. She looked monstrously upset but had no recourse to voice it.
"I'll remember you did that Allie." She almost growled.
"Remember too then that I love you… all of you really. That is why we cannot be at each others throats for something that was my fault in the first place. Does anyone have a problem with that… or my order? Given how much I sacrifice for you? Given that you know someday I may jump in front of another train for one of you?"
They all shook their heads, understanding. Though doubtless many still hadn't gotten used to the frequency with which I issued orders that could not be disobeyed. For all my kindness, for all my loyalty and defense of my friends and their family members, I did make the subtle reminder that I was the prince of this faction. The Slytherins would understand and respect it most, but still it was a serious matter, even if done out of kindness. Maybe they did blame Scor? Who was I to command them to put it behind them? Manipulate their emotions by force or fiat?
Whatever their true feelings, nobody voiced their dissent. They could do nothing but move beyond it.
"On that note… does anyone have any major opposition to the Order's direction or goals?"
"Sorrenson, would like international expansion. He and I are considering we meddle more in foreign politics." Raven began. "The Italian and Japanese nobles feel a strong UK centric organization with their input and influence is sufficient but could be on board if the Order expanded. The rest of us feel we still need to grow our financial stability first to afford any politically motivated machinations down the road. We are generally happy with the massive successes of the music label, our dueling and defense training, our intelligence gathering, and the real estate acquisitions. For the most part neither our government nor any of our parents are aware yet the holding company that serves as de facto bank for the order is owned by all of us. As far as the business scene goes, a shadowy special purpose private fund has begun making strategic purchases all over the magical world."
"So nobody has any objections to overall strategy? Or my plans for the UK and it's Government? That i'd like to run for Minister of Magic someday after my father?" I asked carefully of the group.
"Not from any here assembled or even the adult members. Nobody has requested to opt out of daily operations either. We are all fully committed and moral is very high. If anything… this attack has made our operations seem more necessary than ever."
I nodded exhaustedly.
"Good… that's good then… again guys… I…"
"We know…" Aurora and Lily interrupted. "We love you too."
Lily POV
"Lily! How dare you dismiss me like that. What is your problem?" Scor demanded, finding me trailing the halls of the lower dungeons later that night.
I examined the language Al had used to bind me and realized I could just discuss an entirely different issue I had with the idiot blond.
"I've never seen Al go on a date… i've never seen him look at another boy or another girl… all he looks at is you. You're not… good for him anymore Malfoy." I offered, matter of factly.
"D-did he? H-he doesn't have a thing for me though? You… you're not saying?"
"He hasn't said anything we're all not thinking about you two already… if that is what you're driving at" I lied, not daring to repeat how much I knew my brother loved this idiot beside me.
"I… I don't feel that way about him Lils… he doesn't feel that way about me…"
"Are you so sure about either of those statements? They sound like meaningless gibberish to me. Which usually is the sign someone has said a thing an unhealthy number of times."
He looked at me a little confused, his nose crinkling.
"I like girls" He offered, raising his eyebrows suggestively at me. "A lot."
"Not enough to date one, clearly."
"Well, you know, Marcus got to you first so."
"Oh absolutely not babe! Do NOT go there."
"As if you're not aware how hot you've gotten?"
"So you have a secret thing for me then? Is that it halfwit?" I demanded darkly, daring him to continue the joke.
"No… i'm just saying my preference is for—"
"Hot girls… got it… thank Merlin it's not me…" I paused thinking about it… "Or anyone else we know either… right?"
"No no, I'm not crushing on anyone in the order either ok? I don't have someone specific in mind."
"Then why not try out something deeper with Al? This whatever you two are is wearing thin on everyone. You're too close for brothers… you're not serious enough for lovers… what is going on between you two anyway?"
"We're best friends. How does that confuse you?"
"Confuse EVERYONE we both know you mean? This isn't exclusive to just me."
He paused at that, looking worried.
"You say you're straight right?" He nodded as response. "You know… it's like this then… let's say he's straight too… I believe that watching you two… that he'd not be if you needed him badly enough… he'd be anything you needed… my brother would crawl on broken glass to fetch you a cookie… this from the man who could warp reality to his liking…"
"You don't know that. And what? You're saying he'd be gay for me? If i wanted him? So i'm meant to what… be gay for him if he wants me?"
"You're meant to suck up whatever bullshit is going on between you and clarify it. You may be straight… but to us it looks like you love him too."
"I do love him! He knows that. Can't men be in love without sex being involved?" He barked, more loudly than he ever did. His composure was the worst i'd ever seen it.
"You love him… but not enough to justify what you're doing to him."
"I don't understand what thats supposed to mean!"
"Do you think he's been well these last few years?"
That question stalled him in his tracks. That question set a fear in him that little else from our conversation had. He contemplated that one line for a long time, before answering.
"No… he's been more erratic. He's not been sleeping… he's been… sacrificing time off his life to supercharge the order's progress… but you knew that right?" I nodded harshly, raising an eyebrow at him."What's your point?" Al had ordered me to put the healing behind me… but I could still address all the other costs Al was paying.
"He mentioned that you asked him to move in with you after hogwarts? a couple days before the attack…"
"Yes, plenty of friends live together during college. Like i said before, what's your point? I don't have time to learn how to read your mind too alight? It's taken years to decipher your brother already…"
"Fine… Why haven't you dated a girl? You've been asked out by loads of them" I demanded next, not exactly painting the most obvious picture.
"You think he loves me more than he should? I… i've been worried about that forever now…"
"Should?! You love him more than you should too, don't you?" I asked, aghast that he'd not realized it.
"I don't… I… I don't want to be with him like that though" He looked uncertain as he spoke.
"Is that what I said? No, I asked, do you not love him more than you should?"
"I guess I do…"
"So how can you blame him if he loves you more than he should? No… you blame him for possibly loving you more than you can handle… but should? Should isn't a relevant construct here ok? The only way that my brilliant brother, who gleams like the sun, loves you more than he should, is because he loves you more than you DESERVE."
His eyes went wide at that, half angry half in shock that I could say such a truthful thing without a hint of malice.
'More than you deserve'
"I…"
"How many people would murder for the kind of affection from him that he shows you? Hmm? Only because of how much the orderlings respect and love him do they not start killing each other… or you… to take your place. My brother is like the fucking sun. The girls, the straight boys, even cousin Louis would dump Raven to accept Al's love if he dared to give it to anybody but you. What's this should business? Who even are you? But that he thinks you worthy of his friendship? He knows you better than anyone on earth. That his devotion to you is so utter and complete should seem to you one of the most humbling compliments a human can receive."
"i'm not… leading him on ok… I… of course I'm lucky to have the closeness I have with him… I just…"
He looked like the word he was looking for was afraid, but I didn't dare push him any further.
"Lily… you honestly think I should risk… I don't even know what… dating him? Trying him out? Risking our entire futures… just to take more from him? What kind of stupid is that? What if he doesn't want me?"
"He doesn't want you like a dragon doesn't want gold."
"I… that's… it… doesn't make me feel any better…"
"How do you feel when you kiss?"
"He's told you we kiss?" The boy asked, looking around to make sure nobody was within earshot. I remained silent.
"I feel… amazing… I could honestly sit there doing it all day…"
"You always are the one who stops it? Right?"
"Yes, because i'm afraid he'll… I don't want to lead him on…"
"Lead him on from a thing you both enjoy?"
"We can't… risk more…"
"Risk the likely super hot sex you'd both enjoy? Risk the dates you both will kill yourselves trying to out do in order to please each other? Risk the intimacy that one more layer of your friendship will likely benefit from? You two were written for each other as if out of a story book. That you are too blind to see it infuriates all of us."
"You sent me away from his hospital bed because you… what… think i'm breaking his heart?" He asked, trying to clarify. I tended to talk in a round about way like Al did. Scorpius was only just now beginning to realize my point.
"Yes." I deadpanned seriously.
"Wow… and you think his health… his behavior… his heart has been breaking? Over me?" He asked the question skeptically but all I could do was incline my head up and down ever so gently. He stuttered and mumbled a string of sentences that made no sense.
"You are letting him hurt himself for you… that's what this was about in the hospital wing. I know he's been doing that a lot longer than just this time."
"That's not… my intention… I swear."
"Would you let him die for you? He's tried before hasn't he? How many times? The keeper, Lilith, murdering those boys? That could have ended his life in Azkaban if his wand had been around to verify the spells that had been used. His life is what you're playing with."
"I would die for him too! Do not mistake that!" The sheer speed and conviction of his answer shocked me. There was not artifice or childish misunderstanding in his reply. He knew what he had said and what it meant.
"Then maybe don't be afraid to live for him? Don't be afraid to love him. I heard from him what your father just said a couple days ago. Even your family would welcome him by your side. What are you so afraid of?"
"LOSING HIM!" Scorpius ROARED, sounding more like a lion than a boy. Several students came around corners to make sure there wasn't another attack occurring like the first. "You're his sister… you can't lose him. You don't understand. You say there isn't another member of the order who hasn't thought about taking my place? Why do you think they've not dared to try? They would never risk losing what they have for more. They'd never put him at risk of hurt or discomfort for the benefit of being by his side. We are dangerous for each other…"
"Another meaningless noise you've clearly repeated ad nauseam. Too often for it to sound normal anymore. What is safe these days? We're on the brink of war. You think your love for him will tip us over? He'd go to war just to see you smile… what kind of excuse is that? What are you a saint? We're Slytherin don't be absurd."
"I've had enough of this conversation. You've lost your mind Lils… if you ask Al… he'll agree he just went along with kicking me out because he didn't want you to be afraid for him… he… didn't not want me there… his heart isn't fucking breaking over me… he's mentally stable… he's… fine…"
"Sure… whatever you say Scorpius. I'm only his sister. What do I fucking know?"