Orders and overthinking

Orochimaru rubbed his temples, trying to concentrate on work. It didn't have the effect he wanted, the only thing on his mind was Ino. And Itachi.

He has been avoiding her since the Uchiha meeting. Or more precisely, her meeting with Uchiha Itachi.

What would he say to her anyway?

He already knew what he needed to know. Imagine the horror, walking in on Itachi and Ino in his own house! The safest option was to stay at work as long as possible. Too bad his private life had an impact on his productivity. Instead of being the lead scientist, his mind was preoccupied with his fake wife's real lover.

If Ino would become Itachi's wife after their divorce, there would be a lot more sucking up from the Uchiha clan. What was worse, Itachi would become the clan's head soon. Would his marriage with Ino endanger the future collaboration with the clan? How would that look on the outside? And did Ino already reveal it was all a setup?

They would be a true power couple. Just like Ino charmed all the strangers they had met, the entire Uchiha clan would fall in love with her. Itachi would treat her like a queen; not only because she deserved it, but also because he would realize how valuable she was.

And like Tange, Fugaku loved her immediately, he told Orochimaru as soon as Ino left them alone. It was all Fugaku's fault anyway. The invitation specifically said Ino should also attend. What was Orochimaru supposed to do? Decline? Nobody ever said no to the Uchiha clan's head. Apparently Ino didn't say no to its young heir either.

Maybe he should confront her about it, give her a divorce and wish Itachi luck with dealing with his future mother-in-law. Ino wouldn't have problems with her own, after all, every mother wanted the best wife for their sons, and Ino definitely was one.

And their future children with intriguing powers, sharingan in combination with mind control might become even more effective and-

A knock on the door brought Orochimaru to present.

"What is it?" he barked.

A moment later, Kabuto opened the door and bowed.

"Orochimaru-sama."

"What is it? I said-"

"Not to disturb you, I know." Now Kabuto straightened himself. "Your wife is here."

"My wife?" Orochimaru echoed.

"And she seems upset," Kabuto added quickly.

"About what?"

"She didn't specify her reason to visit, but she wishes to see you promptly."

Orochimaru sighed, not ready for the imminent conversation.

If Ino visited him here, it meant it couldn't wait any longer. And he couldn't refuse to talk to her, it would only give his colleagues reason to gossip.

"Let her in," he finally said.

Kabuto bowed, then left Orochimaru by himself.

The wisest was to look busy, so they would deal with Ino's problem later, at home. Or possibly never. Whatever she needed to tell him, he would be cool and poised. An adult who didn't let emotions take over. After all, he didn't feel anything, really. Maybe disappointment because Ino didn't fulfill her obligation and-

"Hey."

One word and Orochimaru's plan spectacularly failed.

The woman standing in front of him couldn't be Ino. Not the constantly in a good mood Ino, who charmed all of the investors, with a contagious laugh and flirtatious smile.

This woman's eyes were sad, her hair in a messy bun, and instead of the confident stance, she hugged herself, as if she wanted to appear even smaller than she was.

He got up and walked around the desk.

"What's the matter?"

If that snotty Uchiha heir hurt his wife, no, if he only thought about hurting his wife-

"I totally messed up."

This was a nightmare. She wasn't even looking at him!

"What did you mess up?" he asked softly.

Ino sighed, but didn't lift her gaze.

"Remember when we attended the Uchiha gathering?"

It was good she didn't look at him. She would have seen on his face how painful it was to hear that name coming from her.

"I do," he said, his voice even.

"I waited for the opportune moment to tell you, but I didn't get the chance."

Her quiet voice sounded desperate.

What could have made her this miserable?

"Tell me what?" he asked, readying for the worst.

"Back then," she said, then looked up, "I talked to Uchiha Itachi."

Orochimaru held his breath, terrified of what would follow.

"And today," Ino sighed, "Hinata yelled at me and-"

"Hinata?" Orochimaru interrupted.

"Hyuuga Hinata," Ino elaborated, "Uchiha Itachi's girlfriend."

"Uchiha Itachi's girlfriend yelled at you?"

"Yes."

Could it be that this woman caught Ino and Itachi together? But why would Ino tell him that?

Or maybe Itachi's girlfriend realized the same as Orochimaru, that Ino and Itachi were the perfect couple?

The wisest was to ask.

"Why did she yell at you?"

"Actually, I don't know!"

Orochimaru didn't know either, but at least Ino's tone became irritated instead of sad. And with her fists on her hips, she looked ready to hit whoever deserved it.

"All I did was suggest he should invite her for an official introduction to his parents. And it went terrible because Sasuke-kun blurted out about her previous crush on Naruto and-"

And Orochimaru stopped paying attention. He got all the necessary information: Itachi had a girlfriend and it wasn't Ino. The rest wasn't Orochimaru's concern.

Unfortunately the longer Ino spoke, her voice was getting quieter and expression more worried. Why was this bothering her so much? Why at all?

"What's the worst that can happen?" he asked, hoping she would realize how ridiculous this was.

"That they all break up!" she replied tearfully.

"And you don't want them to break up?"

"No! Sakura would never forgive me!"

How did Sakura get in the picture? Ino must have mentioned her friend while Orochimaru wasn't listening.

"Even if they do break up," Orochimaru said, "it won't be your fault."

"How it won't be my fault? It was my idea!"

"Your suggestion," Orochimaru corrected his wife. "Itachi accepted and organized the whole thing. And Sasuke, it's a mystery what came over him. Was he drunk?"

"No, but Sakura told me their father poured alcohol for everybody afterwards."

"Maybe the best would be a second dinner," Orochimaru suggested to his desperate wife. "It can't be worse than the first."

"Impossible," Ino said, shaking her head. "Itachi-san is afraid Hinata still has feelings for Naruto and Sasuke-kun that Sakura might change her mind about Naruto."

Orochimaru didn't sign up for this when Ino became his fake wife. Instead of being productive at his laboratory, he had to analyze Ino's friends' behavior and love life, as if they were in a kindergarten. At least he stopped thinking about their divorce and Ino as Itachi's wife, but this wasn't progress.

"I should have turned him down," Ino said, shaking her head.

"Turned him down?" Orochimaru repeated, hoping he misheard.

"Yes," Ino sighed. "Itachi's intention was to talk to you, not me."

"To me? About what?"

"Our relationship. Before getting married."

"What did you say to him?"

"I lied, obviously," Ino said, rolling her eyes. "But his questions revealed he was in a secret relationship and while we talked I figured out it was Hinata."

"You guessed it?"

"I am sure you would have too."

If any man had approached with questions about his relationship with Ino, Orochimaru would have told him to mind his own business. Why would he care about Itachi's relationship? Or Sasuke's or anyone's? Why would Ino care?

"Good thing he asked for your advice," Orochimaru finally said. "Mine would include the proposal. And the Hyuuga heiress obviously doesn't feel the same."

"But she does!" Ino disagreed. "It's Itachi-san who has doubts!"

Orochimaru tried hard not to sigh. Uchiha Itachi couldn't have a real competition.

"If Naruto is really a threat-"

"He is not!" Ino denied, crossing her arms. "And what would you recommend anyway?"

"Elimination of a threat," Orochimaru said, shrugging.

Ino sighed, placing a palm on her forehead.

"Naruto doesn't have a clue what is going on. What I need to do is talk to Itachi-san again."

"Again?" Orochimaru echoed.

"Yes!" Ino clapped her hands. "To explain it was a misunderstanding. The only problem is," Ino sighed again, "we are not friends."

Oh no. Orochimaru should have seen this coming.

"But the two of you are friends," Ino said, staring at him expectantly.

Orochimaru has never been married, but he was not a fool either. Why would any sane man arrange a meeting so his wife could compliment an emotionally shaken Uchiha heir and assure him nobody was a better choice than him? The fastest way to convince him he was everything any woman wanted was to throw herself at him.

Not going to happen.

If Itachi needed comforting, he was free to look for it elsewhere. Orochimaru wouldn't be the one sending his wife.

If only he could refuse Ino's plea and not seem like a jealous husband, that would be great.

A knock on the door made them both startle.

"Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto called from the other side of the door.

Never in his life Orochimaru appreciated an interruption as much as now.

"Come in, Kabuto."

"Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto said, bowing and staring at the ground, "I am so sorry to disturb you again, but there is a message for you, from Hokage-sama."

"A message for me?" Orochimaru said and Kabuto looked up at him. "What does it say?"

"Here it is," Kabuto said, handing over a note.

"Thank you, Kabuto."

Kabuto bowed again and left them alone.

"What does it say?" Ino asked, staring at the note in his hand.

"To meet with her immediately," Orochimaru said.

"But why?"

"It doesn't say."

"Should I accompany you?"

"It's not specified," Orochimaru said, pocketing the note. "Either way, we are leaving."

His colleagues were nowhere to be seen, so Orochimaru didn't have to explain anything.

"Will you return?" Ino asked.

"Depends."

"I hope it's nothing serious," Ino said as soon as they left the laboratory behind them.

"Me too."

"Or if it is serious, that is good news."

Ino not being involved with Uchiha Itachi was the best news Orochimaru could get, so Tsunade's note was irrelevant.

"Or maybe," Ino used the same tone she had told him she messed up, "it's because of me."

There was no need for a halt; Ino obviously blew the things out of proportion. That made him feel better for overthinking about Ino's non-existent relationship with Itachi.

"Why would it be because of you?" Orochimaru asked.

"I went to see her, you know, before coming to the laboratory."

"So?"

"She told me you were there."

"And what exactly did you tell her?"

"There she is!"

"Why would you tell her that?" Orochimaru asked, then looked in the same direction as Ino. "Oh, there she is."

Tsunade was approaching much faster than her usual stroll. It could mean she was in a rush or that she was impatient to yell at him. Possibly both.

Within the earshot, Ino was the first to speak.

"Tsunade-sama," she said, bowing.

"Ino." Tsunade inhaled sharply now that she stopped walking. "If you hurry, you will catch Sakura right before her shift at the hospital. She has something to tell you."

"Sakura?" Ino repeated in a shaken voice. "To tell me?"

"A good thing, don't worry."

Ino's face lit up immediately.

"So shall I go or?"

"Yes, hurry!" Tsunade ordered, smiling. "Your husband will meet you at home as soon as we are done."

"Oh. Okay then."

Tsunade's expression changed the moment Ino left them alone.

"Now what?" Orochimaru sighed, readying for nagging of some sort.

Tsunade smiled widely instead.

"You are paying for my lunch."

Now Orochimaru would nag.

"What? Why?"

"It's your fault I had to leave the office."

"Mine? I didn't summon you here."

"I invited myself," Tsunade said and Orochimaru reluctantly followed wherever she had planned to go.

It was around lunchtime so Orochimaru didn't mind having a snack himself. Too bad it took unusually long for Tsunade to choose where to eat, then where to sit, and when they finally got the menu, she carefully checked every dish. When she called the waiter, instead of the order, she asked for a recommendation for both drinks and food. She even flirted with him! Also she didn't hint about the topic of their conversation.

"I thought you were hungry," Orochimaru said.

"I am not," Tsunade said, not lifting her gaze from the menu.

"So you will tell me what you need before ordering?"

"So you could rush home to your wife, to make sure she wouldn't speak in private with some other guy?" Tsunade put the menu down and looked at him. "Or you will return to work now that you know Ino doesn't have an affair with Uchiha Itachi?"

Orochimaru got up.

"If that's what this is about-"

"Sit. Down."

With the loudest sigh, Orochimaru obeyed.

"I knew as soon as she told me about her private conversation with Itachi. And how you keep avoiding her ever since."

"I was not avoiding her."

"Yes, you were. Just like after you kissed her. You panicked and delayed the embarrassing conversation."

"It wasn't like that."

"Then why did she retell me about it?"

"Because you are too friendly."

"Because you are being immature."

Orochimaru opened his mouth to deny it, but Tsunade called the waiter. She pointed at something on the menu and sent him away again.

"If something bothers you," Tsunade continued as if interruption never happened, "you should talk to Ino, not hide from her at the laboratory. That way your work suffers, you suffer, and Ino suffers. And me, of course, having to deal with both of you."

"It's you who is Hokage."

"Yes, I am and I have a lot more important issues than Ino's fear Hinata might tell you about Ino's crush on Sasuke."

This was news to him.

"Ino has a crush on Sasuke? Uchiha Sasuke?"

Tsunade sighed, rolling her eyes.

"She doesn't, but as I said, I won't deal with it any more. Another incident like this and you will lose both the money and your wife."

"You can't do that."

"Watch me."

The server interrupted by bringing the appetizer.

Orochimaru didn't move or say anything, hoping Tsunade wasn't serious with this warning.

"I mean," she said, taking the utensils, "even if Ino did have an affair with Uchiha Itachi," Tsunade took the first bite, "the two of you should talk about it, not include me in it. You are married and I am not a marriage counsellor."

"Aren't you? You sure behave as one."

"Because your way of solving the problem is avoiding Ino! Now go home and apologize."

"But-"

"It's an order. From your superior. When you don't appreciate my advice as your friend."

Munching forced another break.

"I mean, what came to you? If you don't trust Ino, and you should have started by now, you have been friends with Uchiha Fugaku for decades, Sasuke was your pupil briefly, and you thought Uchiha Itachi decided to seduce your wife? In a public place? In front of everybody? In front of you!"

"It's fake."

The dishes rattled when Tsunade hit the table with her fist.

"Uchiha Itachi doesn't know that!"

Tsunade took a napkin to wipe her mouth. Orochimaru wondered how she managed to eat anything while lecturing him the whole time.

"A simple conversation with Ino would save you all this trouble, I have been telling you from the start. Why you refuse to listen, it's a mystery!"

The server cleared the dishes and Tsunade thanked him. Her tone was friendly, not the I-will-take-all-your-money tone she used while scolding him.

"Also Ino would never endanger the whole mission by letting men like Itachi seduce her. The real threat are the men who know about the setup."

"Jiraiya is not a threat," Orochimaru assured his friend. "You don't have to worry."

Tsunade snickered.

"I didn't have Jiraiya in mind. It's you who should worry."

"Me?"

Tsunade took a sip of water then smiled widely.

"I had no idea you link arms when together."

"Do you think we shouldn't?"

"I think you look cute together."

"Tsunade…"

Tsunade leaned toward him, putting both hands under her chin.

"Why are you still here instead of at home, apologizing to your wife?"

"I thought you wanted-"

"You are paying for my lunch, not having lunch with me," she clarified.

"Ah."

"Think about all the wonderful dinners I will be having with your money if this happens again," she smiled. "No equipment, no money." Orochimaru got up. "And no pretty wife waiting for you at home."

Orochimaru wondered how Tsunade could announce something so horrible in such a happy tone. On his way out, he paid for Tsunade's order, hoping there were eggs in the fridge.

What was the big deal anyway? Orochimaru was certain Tsunade took care of more ridiculous problems every day, so why would she punish him for Ino's oversharing? Ino's friends' love problems were childish, but why did he have to handle them? Ah yes, he accepted to become her fake husband.

Now he had an additional worry - Ino complaining to Hokage about something personal. If she hadn't complained, he would have never found out she liked Sasuke, not Itachi! Who in their right mind would pick Sasuke over Itachi? It was intriguing, but first on his list was the apology.

Luckily Tsunade didn't say a word about an explanation. He would apologize for being at the laboratory too much and that would be it.

The most important was to prevent Ino's complaints to Tsunade. That meant he would spend even more time with his fake wife and be a patient listener no matter what she wanted to share.

Despite learning about Itachi's relationship with another woman, Orochimaru still checked around the house for the unusual scents or sounds. All he heard was the cabinets' opening, then closing. And so he entered.

Ino was staring at the groceries on the table, frowning.

"What's wrong?" he asked instead of greeting.

"Nothing," she said, still frowning. "I am trying to combine the ingredients I need to use soon."

"For today's dinner?"

"And tomorrow's," she said. "You will come home, won't you?"

"I will."

"Does that mean the urgent work is done?"

That was probably Ino's logical explanation for his absence.

"It is," he replied, perfectly fine with her presumption.

Still preoccupied with cooking, Ino took the bowl from the cabinet and put different vegetables in it.

"Do you need help?"

"Are you hungry?"

Ino's frown was replaced with a smile, so he smiled too.

"You first," he said.

"Did you already eat?"

"I didn't," he said, counting on those eggs.

"And would you mind eating the same meal two days in a row?"

"I wouldn't. Why do you ask?"

"Then instead of two dishes, I will make one, but four portions."

"I see. More convenient."

"It is," she agreed. "If I am not the only person eating." She frowned again. "Do you have any idea how much food I had to throw away?"

"I am sorry," he said and meant it. "It won't happen again."

"Good," she said, rearranging vegetables again. "You can send me a note if it does."

"I hope it won't."

There. He apologized. Tsunade didn't say anything about elaborating his behaviour. And he truly hoped he wouldn't think Ino was having an affair with a clan's heir again.

"Do you still want to help?" Ino asked after she cleared the table. "It will be ready sooner."

"Of course I will help," he said, rolling up his sleeves. "Did you have coffee already?"

Ino stopped in the middle of the chopping onion and wiped her hands with a washcloth.

"What is it?" he asked, confused. "It's okay if you did, I mean-"

He shut up when Ino took both of his hands in hers.

"Thank you." She squeezed his hands. "This day is such a mess I didn't even think about coffee."

"Then I will make some immediately."

As soon as she would let go of his hands.

"Thank you," she said with the brightest smile. And then she returned to the onions.

Itachi was a fool indeed. If he only knew how happy Ino was while making dinner and how glad she was after Orochimaru asked about a cup of coffee, he wouldn't waste his time with other women, whatever their title was. Then again, Ino, as his wife, was off limits.

"What did Tsunade-sama want?" Ino asked after chopping all the necessary ingredients. "Did she complain about me?"

"She didn't," Orochimaru assured his wife, sipping his coffee. "She did recommend keeping the private matter to ourselves."

"Understandable," Ino said, nodding.

"Other topics were related to my work," he said, ready to leave this misunderstanding behind. "How do you like your coffee?"

"I think it's the best one so far."

He believed her, he has never seen her smile this much.

Whatever was bothering her before visiting him at work, it was evidently forgotten, and he wouldn't bring it up, now or ever.

"So what time should I come home tomorrow?"

"Actually, I don't know. I am meeting with Sakura tomorrow."

He totally forgot Ino left to talk to her friend.

"She isn't mad at you any more?"

"She never was, it was Hinata, but that's also settled."

Luckily it was. It meant he didn't need to arrange a meeting with Itachi nor refuse to arrange the said meeting. Or maybe Naruto changed his mind about Hinata, so she wasn't mad, but Itachi was now single!

"Do you know how it was settled?"

"All I know is that nobody is breaking up. And that's the most important."

"Ah. So you will learn more tomorrow?"

"Hopefully I will!" Ino's smile got even wider. "I will be all ears during the prolonged lunch break approved by her former sensei."

"Former sensei?"

"You know, Hokage."

Tsunade was right, Ino would never endanger the pretence. And Uchiha Itachi was harmless, one of the most loyal people Orochimaru has ever met and obviously in a happy relationship.

With Jiraiya's extreme love advice, Orochimaru forgot there was one more guy who knew it was all fake. Unlike Jiraiya, that other guy couldn't stand Orochimaru. And the feeling was mutual.

"Hatake Kakashi."

"Yes, him. Why are you making that face? Is something wrong with your coffee?"

"It got cold," he lied.

"Should I make you another one?"

"Tomorrow," Orochimaru said. "While retelling me details."

Now he needed to hear it all.

Except over Ino, Kakashi had authority over Orochimaru too. If he truly liked Ino, he had the power to do whatever he wanted. Anything at all.

And Orochimaru was back to overthinking.