"The partially, nearly Naked Gun 3 : 'They Saved Crumpf's Brain'..."

Summary: Frank Drebbin is out of retirement and on the case when he learns the fanatical former president and loser candidate Fred Crumpf may not be quite as dead as he left him and he and/or his crazies including his family threaten the newly elected President Woodrowmina Wilson.

Of course, Nordberg is no longer on the squad because of, well, we never talk about that...

Part LIII…

Groan from the handcuffed Drebbin as he's lightly slapped awake, finding himself seated along the side of a large van. Eyeing the blonde female guard in suit who'd slapped him, she coolly regarding him, offering him a sip of bottled water which he took, drinking greedily.

"Wake up, my friend." Morene's face on video monitor on ceiling of the van. "Not quite time for you to die yet."

Frank looked about. The grim, athletic-looking young woman had taken a seat beside Evelyn and a male guard in suit. Evelyn knitting as she glanced at him with serene smile.

"Sadly, I can't be with you, much to do." Morene spoke on screen. "But rest assured we shall soon be together again, old friend." The screen went blank.

"You realize your boss is insane, like his bosses." Frank noted to the three guards who eyed him. Evelyn smiling…

"Well, if so, he does pay very well, Mr. Drebbin." She noted, chuckling a bit.

"I suppose you know he plans to put your brain in someone else." Frank regarded her.

"I certainly hope so. I volunteered for that brown girl's body but lost out to Ernest. I think Dr. Morene wanted to try out a gender switch given his plans for that #$ 9! N-word President." She noted sweetly.

"Another Nazi, eh?" he eyed her.

"From the start…" she beamed. "My grandfather was an isolationist congressman who worked for Hitler in 1940. It's a family tradition. And we are a superior breed." Continuing her knitting.

"You mean your grandfather was bribed by Hitler. I'm surprised…You want to work for Crumpf and Morene? Even after Crumpf becomes a black woman?"

"What can I say? We change with the changing times, Mr. Drebbin." She smiled, patting her white hair a bit after setting down her knitting. "But the brain will be Crumpf's. And of superior race."

"But, if you're trying to drive a wedge or find weakness, try Hector here…" she nodded at the rather annoyed Hector. "He's mainly in this for the money."

"Fine. If it helps, we can pay more than a bunch of old and neo- Nazis." Frank noted.

"Hey, I'm a professional." Hector glared at him, then Evelyn. "Plus, I doubt I'd get much more than a prison sentence from you guys."

"And a bullet in the head from us, if you're lucky, should you betray us." Evelyn noted, smiling sweetly. "Care to try Phyllis over here, Mr. Drebbin? I should warn you his real name is Otto. She-he was one of our first test subjects, a nurse who thought she was being hired to work for a charming Native American doctor doing good work amongst his people, poor thing. But the good news is we spared her family…Just a slightly bitter divorce after Otto/Phyllis recovered from her 'accident' and told the girl's husband she'd been having an affair with her boss and their marriage was over. Sad for the kids but…Happens." Shrug, resuming her knitting.

Otto/Phyllis eyeing Frank with slight smile…

"Thanks. Talk like that'll really make it easy to kill an old…Nazi…Woman." Frank noted grimly.

"I hope we get the chance to dance, Drebbin." Evelyn smiled. "You'd find out why I consider myself a superior human being. But, would you really want to kill the woman you love? Whichever the Doctor chooses for me." Slight leer. "I lean towards your wife, naturally, but in spite of my instincts I'm fine with being a beautiful and powerful black woman. I actually found 'Get Out' quite appealing."

"Either way, perhaps we can get it on, as the young folks say, before you die." Smile. Hector and Phyllis/Otto smiling as well.

"Don't worry. If I get the chance I'll kill you either in that body or whatever one you take." Frank, coldly.

"Is that any way to talk to your future girl?" Evelyn, shaking head. "And here I thought you a gentleman."

…

The unmarked van of the Department of Presidential Security…On the Beltway, very early morning…

"No question he's just ahead of us and on the move, Director." One agent monitoring the tracking system informed her as she sat by Hocken.

"Just keep us from looking like we're following them, Dexter." She ordered. "He's got to still be alive, Ed." She clenched Hocken's hand.

"Either that or they're very respectful of DC trash laws." Ed noted.

…

Banner-Goebbels on car video screen of Morene's limo, Banner in his trademark rumpled outfit…

At which Morene struggled to repress a frown…Our Deputy Leader could occasionally dress the part. I know his mother tries but…

"So, you have Frank Drebbin?" Banner spoke.

"We do. Following near behind as we speak. Quite secure, Deputy Leader."

"Good. So, all is going according to plan? Plan B?"

"All as we hoped. I've no doubt Director Bailey is in hot pursuit of her love interest." Morene smiled to the screen. "No doubt the US government has some means of tracking him even if we haven't detected it yet."

"Excellent. All as I have foreseen. Keep me informed and see you here soon. Banner out." The screen darkening.

As did Morene's face…Hmmn…What a load of Palpatinian horse manure… "All as I have foreseen…" This was my plan, my method, my risk, even if we were a bit vague in sketching out a scheme to lure…

"We'll be leaving the van here, and proceeding alone, Doctor." His driver called over intercom.

"Yes, yes. Very good, Duane. Proceed to the airstrip. Mr. Drebbin will be taking a different route. A circuitous one, but it will lead back to me." Smile.

…

"Bailey here." Marjorie spoke to her phone as the Department van sped along. "I want any civilian or any government or military plane grounded pending inspection. Yes, even with the highest clearance. And all trains out of DC halted for inspection. Roadblocks on all the roads. Lock the DC up tight, nothing leaves or enters until we know exactly who and what are on it. Pass this on to the FBI director. Yes, it comes with Presidential approval. Bailey out."

Whoa…Hocken eyed her.

"I've texted her to approve it." She shrugged.

"Nice…Have you known the President long?" he asked.

"We were in the same sorority together. I've known her quite a while." Nod. She looked away a moment, then … "How is your wife doing, Ed?"

"She's seeming much better. Thanks, we owe you." Hocken smiled.

"I wish I or the doctors could accept it but you know it's only temporary."

"We know. But it means a lot to us. And lots to her that she knows what was wrong. She's been blaming herself." Sigh.

"You're a good man, Captain." She smiled at him. "And thank you, for not being…Well…" wry smile. "Uncomfortable? With my feelings for Frank." Shy look.

Ed, shrugging…"I love Janey, really. We both do, Edna's her best friend these days, even since she went into the coma. But, I also know she'd want Frank to be happy."

"As do I. I said it and I meant it that I'd never try to come between her and Frank. I just want him to know I'm here for him. And I'd have anyone else trying to step in, deputized and sent to Antarctica."

"Janey'd be pleased to know a fighter loves Frank." Ed smiled.

…