Heey!

As you can see, I miraculously managed to write another chapter. Yaay me.

I can't thank you guys enough for all your support. Your reviews are always incredibly kind and always make me smile. Thank you for all your best wishes. As cliche as it may sound, hearing from you really does mean the world to me. Thank you.

Disclaimer: this chapter gets pretty intense, so don't read it if you're not ready for quite a bit of emotional suffering.

PART 4

Jay's P.O.V.

It's been about eight hours since they've found us. We spent about six of them in the hospital and the remaining two driving back to Chicago. Since both Adam and I were only released from hospital because of our continuous begging to let us leave, we were ordered to stay with one of our teammates. That way, they can keep an eye on us. I would be staying at Will's, but he happens to have super long shifts this week, so I'd have to be alone most of the time. (Which I obviously I wasn't allowed to do.)

Since Erin left, I've grown closer to Voight than I ever thought possible, so he kindly offered to take care of me for the time being. To be honest that was kind of obvious from the get-go. However, Adam refused to leave my side, therefore Voight had no choice but to let him stay at his house as well.

We're now almost in Chicago. I was specifically instructed to get as much rest as possible, therefore I was more or less forced tolayon the back seat of Voight's car. I'm not allowed to sit up, because apparently my body needs a break from all the torture and stuff, but I also musn't lay flat, because that makes it harder for me to breathe. So I'm basically laying at a 45 degree angle, whatever that means.

With me occupying the back three seats and Voight sitting behind the wheel, driving in silence, Adam is left sitting in the passenger's seat, staring at who knows what. I can tell that he's biting his head off for what happened. He hasn't said a word since we left the hospital. Well, to be honest, he hadn't said much before that either. He yelled in a couple of nurses' faces when they refused to release me, but other than that he's as silent as a grave.

I can also see Voight glancing from me to Adam and back to me again, just to make sure we're actually alive and sitting in his car. The whole team was furious once they found us. All three of our kidnappers were killed at the scene (and I can't say I wouldn't do the same if I had the chance). I don't remember much of what happened after the waterboarding initially started, but Idoknow that the whole team was fussing over me with worry. Especially Adam.

"It's not your fault, you know?" I decide to speak up despite my incredibly sore throat. Voight immediately looks at me, probably thinking that the only reason why I'm talking is because something's physically wrong with me. Relief spreads across his face once he realizes, I'm actually trying to have a conversation. Adam, on the other hand, doesn't react whatsoever, therefore I continue "Adam. Stop doing this to yourself. This wasn't on you." Nothing. "No one blames you." Nothing. Does he have to be so stubborn? "Idon't blame you."

"Well, you should."

Seriously? That's all he has to say? You gotta be kidding me. At least I got him talking... "No, Adam. You're being ridiculous and you know it. This was no-one's fault, especially not yours."

"Give it a break, Jay. It's all on me. All of it" he practically whispers the last part of the sentence.

"You know what, Adam? Fine, it is your fault. Is that what you wanna hear? Is it?" I'm losing my patience, because to be honest my head is killing me and so is my chest, but he needs to hear this or he'll drive himself nuts. I can tell that he's surprised by what I just said, but if he won't accept it the easy way, I'm gonna make him understand the hard way.

"But you know what else is on you?" I continue my monologue. He doesn't say anything and neither does Voight. He's probably letting us fight our own battles.

"The fact that I'm alive."

That's what makes Adam look at me. Finally. "What are you talking about?"

"I may not remember everything, but I know that you'd never let me get hurt if you could help it. You would've killed thosebastardsif you had the chance."

I stop talking in order to catch my breath. Again, there's no response.

"I made you promise me, not to give them any information, Adam. You stayed strong. And you know what?"

"What?" he whispers quietly.

"I managed to hold on, because I knew you'd get us out." At that, Voight lets out a laugh of respect(yes, that is an actual thing that I've learned to recognize). "Itrustedyou, Adam. And you didn't let me down."

Everything's quiet again.Except for my somewhat labored breathing.

"Look at me Adam" I order him gently, but he doesn't obey. "Look at me" I try once again, and he finally turns towards me. He doesn't make eye contact though. I adjust my position so that he's forced to look me in the eyes, before I start talking again. "I'm alive, Adam. I'm okay."

No one says anything after that. We don't normally engage into pep talks like this. Especially not the three of us. Dawson and Al are known to be the ones, who actuallyhaveemotions. Adam, Voight and I on the other hand… more on the introvert side when it comes to things like this.

Voight's the next one to speak up. "Alright, Adam, we both know that Jay's right so stop pouting, okay?" he addresses Adam before turning to me "As for you, mr. 'I'm perfectly fine, so I can leave the hospital even though I can't breathe properly', shut up and get some rest, understood?"

That makes Adam laugh(thank god), so I make the most innocent face I can manage and try to defend myself "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb. I can hear that wheeze from way over here." I gotta admit, hedoes havea point. "Stop talking and relax, or I'm driving you straight to med, got it?"

"Yes, sir" I say and actually do as he says.

Voight's P.O.V.

They were both asleep the minute their feet touched the bed. So much for being perfectly fine, huh?

Adam helped me get Jay upstairs and into my bed, before I guided him into Justin's old room. He was asleep instantly, not even bothering to feel awkward. He's exhausted from having been worried about Jay this whole time. I can tell.

Sure, Jay might've had it worse of physically, but thanks to the concussion he received the second they encountered their kidnappers, he has almost no memory of the past few days. Adam, on the other hand, remembers everything clearly. Everything from Jay being hit over the head for the first time, to him almost drowning. He remembers every little bit of it. And let me tell you, it sucks.

I decide to leave the light in the hallway on, should either of them wake up not knowing where they are. Checking on Jay once again, I head downstairs and lay on my not so comfortable couch, where I'm bound to me sleeping for the next few days. I hadn't slept much since Jay and Adam went missing, so my eyes start closing almost immediately, and before I know it, I'm sound asleep.

Voight's P.O.V.

I'm woken up by the sound of someone screaming at the top of their lungs. I immediately know who the screams belong to. I've heard Jay screaming while being caught up in a nightmare before, and I'm kinda glad that this isn't him. That would put a hell of a lot of stress on his already weakened lungs and I'm not sure he could handle that. The screams, however, must belong to the other detective sleeping in my house.

I'm on my feet and running up the stairs two steps at a time before I'm even fully awake. I burst into my son's old room and immediately see Adam, tangled into the bed sheets. He's trashing around, probably caught up somewhere between a nightmare and a panic attack, mumbling words that only he understands.

"Adam! Wake up, it's just a nightmare" I say quite loudly, before approaching him carefully. I don't wanna risk getting punched in the face, but I'm well aware of the fact that he's gonna end up hurting himself unless I wake him up. I grab both of his hand simultaneously and yell once again "Adam! Adam, wake up!" He doesn't wake up though. "Ruzek! It's just a dream." Still nothing, so I decide to change tactics. I let go of one of his hands and slap him as hard as I can, without actually hurting him. "Ruzek! Snap out of it!"

He finally wakes up. His eyes snap open and look from side to side in pure panic.

"Hey, it's okay, relax" I soothe him, my voice about as kind as it can get. "It's not real."

He visibly relaxes after I repeat the same sentences a couple more times. "That's it. Deep breaths" I instruct him, before going to the bathroom to get him a glass of water, which he thankfully accepts. I sit down on the bed next to him, putting my hand on his leg for support. "Wanna tell me what that was about?"

I fully expect him to refuse to talk to me, however that doesn't happen. Instead, he starts crying. Yes, full on crying. I take the now empty glass out of his hands and wrap him in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry" he whispers in between sobs."

"Shh, it's okay, kid. Don't worry about it" I say, tightening the embrace even more. "Let it out."

And he does. We sit there for quite a while. Adam crying, while I'm whispering words into his ear. After what seems like about twenty minutes, he finally relaxes. The sobs turn into barely noticeable sniffs, so I release him from the hug.

"You okay?" I ask him, after he refuses to make eye contact. I never get a response. Just as I'm about to give up and leave the room, he speaks up.

"I thought he was dead."

That's all he says. I sit next to him again, waiting for him to continue. It takes him a while, but he does.

"He wasn't breathing anymore" he whispers, tears running down his face once again. "He wasn't breathing and I couldn't help him."

There we go. The truth's out. Adam's still blaming himself for what happened to Jay, but more importantly, he's frustrated because there wasn't anything he could do about it.

"Hey, stop it" I say, grabbing his hand. "You did everything you possibly cold. Jay's alive. He's sound asleep in bed. He's safe. You got him out, Adam. You did exactly what Jay or any of us would've done. You did your best to save him."

He doesn't respond to me, but I can tell that he's starting to calm down. Who knows, he might even start listening to what I'm saying, so I keep going. I talk and talk, without actually receiving a response from my detective, but that doesn't stop me. Just as I'm about to finish telling him about the time when Olinski an I were kidnapped, he speaks up, scaring me in the process.

Shh" he suddenly says, with an alarmed tone in his voice, holding his hand up in front of my face. "Do you hear that?" What on Earth is he talking about? I listen, trying to figure it out, when I finally hear it.

The sound of someone coughing.

"Jay" Adam says with a bit of a gasp, before jumping out of bed and rushing towards my room, aka the room Jay's sleeping in. I don't hesitate for a second and run after him. As soon as we reach the door, my heart drops.

Jay's kneeling on the floor, heaving in between coughs. It looks almost as if he's-

"Jay!" Adam yells and throws himself on the floor next to Jay. "What's wrong?" I allow myself the time to turn on the lights which enable me to see exactly how pale Jay is. And the beautiful and scary shade of blue his lips have turned into.

"Can't-" gasp "brea-" gasp "-the". Coughing. That's all Jay can manage to say. And to be honest, that's all that I need to hear. This doesn't look like a panic attack. No. This looks like he's actually suffocating.

"Hospital" I state, crouching on the other side of Jay, grabbing his arm. "Help me get him up" I instruct Adam, who I realize is muttering something almost inaudible. "Adam!" I yell and manage to get his attention. "Now!" Luckily, he snaps out of it and helps Jay stand up. Well, more like drags him to his feet. Jay's knees buckle almost immediately, and Adam and I are the only thing keeping him from face planting.

"Jay!" Adam yells, while I give Jay a once over. He doesn't seem to be injured, but he's as pale as a ghost. His eyes are filled with panic, which is understandable since he can barely catch a breath. He's terrified.

"Relax, buddy. You'll be okay. We got you" I try my best to soothe him, trying really hard not to freak outmyself.

Adam's P.O.V.

We somehow manage to drag Jay down the stairs and into Voight's car. We don't bother calling an ambulance, because Jay simply doesn't have the time. We can get him to the hospital twice as fast ourselves.

I'm sitting on the backseat of Voight's car, with Jay leaning on my chest. I'm squeezing his right hand as hard as I can, while keeping my left hand on his chest. I'm not sure if it's actually helping him, but at this point, I don't think it matters.

"It's okay, buddy. We'll get you help in no time" I whisper into his ear, trying to hide my own panic. What the hell's going on with him? He was completely fine before.

Voight's speeding down the highway, with the lights and siren turned on, breaking every single law out there to get us to the hospital as fast as possible. I also notice that he's talking to someone on the phone.

"-ey, it's your brother-"

Oh, I get it. He's calling Will to give him the heads-up. Apparently, Jay notices too, as his breathing speeds up even more.

"Hey, hey, relax. It's okay. You'll be okay" I encourage Jay, hoping to calm him down. I'm not sure how conscious he really is, but panicking most definitely won't do him any good. I need to keep him as calm as possible. Voight turns to look at us, obviously just as scared as me. I have to do something. "Jay, listen to me. Try to match my breathing, okay? In... and out. In... and out" I instruct him., over-exaggerating my inhales and exhales. After a few more tries, he manages to slow his breaths a little.

"It's working" Voight confirms my observations. "Keep going."

So I do. I keep talking to Jay, who manages to calm down. By the time we reach the hospital, he's breathing somewhat regularly. There's still a wheezing sound accompanying every inhale, but I'll take the wheezing over suffocating any day.

Suddenly, the car stops directly in front of the ER, which can only mean that Voight parked somewhere illegal. and the back door swings open to reveal a very worried Halstead brother.

"Jay!"

"He's been having trouble breathing for about half an hour" I offer a very superficial explanation of what's going on.

"Alright, buddy, let's get you on the gurney" Will says, helping Jay sit up. "Can you stand?" He receives a nod from Jay. "Okay, great." Three seconds later, Jay's sitting on the gurney. Another five seconds later, we're running through the ER. A couple of nurses are next to us almost instantly.

"This is my brother. He's been having trouble breathing" Will briefly explains the situation to the nurses. "Let's get him on 100% oxygen and get an IV started. I want full blood work a chest x-ray and a CT."

Jay's quickly moved to a hospital bed, and his shirt is cut off. Electrodes are connected to his chest, supplying everyone with information about pulse and blood pressure. An oximeter is placed on his finger.

"BP 90/50, pulse 97 bpm" one of the nurses supplies "Oxygen levels are 86."

"Is he gonna be okay?" I ask, scared to the bottom of my heart. Sadly, I'm not rewarded by an answer. Instead, a nurse ushers both Voight an I out of the room and into the waiting room. Brilliant.

Jay's P.O.V.

I'm so confused.

One minute I was sleeping, next thing I know, I feel like I'm drowning. I can't even think properly.

I know that Will's here. I can hear him talking to someone. There's so many people.

Why can't I breathe?

Suddenly, Will appears in my line of sight.

"Jay? You with me buddy?"

I try my best to nod.

"Good. You're gonna be alright, okay?" he says, squeezing my hand. "I'm gonna put an oxygen mask on you to help you breathe better, okay? Just take some deep breaths." I nod again. As promised, an oxygen mask appears on my face, making me panic even more.

"Hey, it's okay. Just relax" Will says, rubbing my leg. I'm so glad he's here. "Can you talk?" he asks. I nod again. "Okay, I need to ask you some questions. Do you know where you are?" I look around to make sure that I really am in a hospital and nod. "Good, that's really good. Do you know what day it is?"

"Tues- day" I croak out.

"Okay, what's my middle name?"

Geez, how many answers does he need? "Mr. Oveprotective." He starts laughing. Congratulations to me.

"Alright, alright. Glad to see your sarcasm still exists" he says, patting my leg "Save your strength, okay? I'm gonna go order those x-rays." He turns away from me to leave, before I speak up again.

"Will-" Honestly, it's more of a whisper than speaking. He hears me nevertheless and is by my side in an instant. "It- 's- good- to see- you." I whisper in between my shallow breaths. Will laughs and squeezes my hand.

"It's good to see you too, buddy."

Will's P.O.V.

As soon as Jay's results are back, I can bet he's not gonna be happy. My assumptions turn out to be true, and sadly, I have to break the news to Jay. Lucky me.

Well, I guess I'd rather be the one to deliver the news, than have some random doctor. To be honest, the news isn't even that bad, but I know Jay's gonna flip out when he hears it. I'll just have to rip the band-aid off and hope for the best.

As soon as I step into his cubicle, all three pairs off eyes look at me. Voight and Adam were allowed to stay with Jay, while we waited for the results for two reasons. One, so they wouldn't lose their minds in the waiting room, and two, so that Jay wouldn't decide to get up and leave.

"How's the patient?" I direct my question towards Voight, not wanting to make my exhausted brother talk.

"Same as before, I guess" he responds, although that's not quite true. After one glance at the heart monitor, I can see that his oxygen levels have dropped down to 75.

"What's- the- ver- dict?" Jay groans from under the mask.

This conversation can only go one of two ways. Jay's either gonna get upset, or he's too tired to care. But something's telling me the first option's gonna win by default. Well, here goes nothing.

"Jay, you're experiencing what we call secondary drowning" I pause letting the information sink in. So far so good. "The water you inhaled is causing you to go into Acute Respiratory Distress or ARDS for short-"

"Will!" Voight stops me mid-sentence. "English, please."

"Right, sorry" I apologize to Jay more than anyone else and continue. "The water you inhaled yesterday is causing your lungs to swell up, which is making it difficult for you to breathe." I wait for Jay to nod, before going on. "That being said, we need to treat it as soon as possible."

"Okay, what's the treatment?" Voight asks, probably voicing Jay's thoughts.

I take a deep breath, before replying. "I know it's not what you wanna hear, but we're gonna have to sedate you and put you on a ventilator-"

"No" Jay stops me, speaking as loud as he can, making himself go into a full blown coughing fit in the process.

"Jay..." I try to talk some sense into my brother, but am too concerned by his coughing to continue. I help him sit up and gently pat his back. "It's okay, breathe. Just breathe" I soothe him, while making eye contact with an obviously distressed Voight, who's probably wondering the exact same thing as me: how on Earth is it possible to be as stubborn as Jay.

Once my brother finally stops coughing I continue with my explanation "Jay, listen to me" I pause and he looks into my eyes with obvious sadness and fear. "I know you're scared, but this is the only way for me to help you, okay?"

He keeps shaking his head the whole time, apparently not having any of it. "Jay, if we don't do this now, you're gonna die." That's what brakes him. All of a sudden, tears are streaming down his cheeks and his wheezing becomes even worse. I wrap him into a big brother type of a hug and whisper into his ear "Don't worry, buddy. I got you. You're gonna get through this. I promise."

I am well aware of the fact that Voight's staring at us, but at this point I don't care. All that's important is my brother.

"Keep- me- awake" Jay whispers in between gasps.

"What?" I stare at him in disbelief. Is he honestly asking me what I think he is?

"No sedation" he further explains, before coughing some more.

To answer my own question, yes, yes he is. Well, this conversation went into a direction I never even thought of. "Jay…" to be honest, I have no idea what to say to him. If this were some random patient, I'd have a million reasons to list of why this is a bad idea, but since the patient is Jay Halstead… "You'll be way more comfortable if we keep you sedated."

He shakes his head again, obviously disagreeing with me. "No" gasp. "No drugs."

"Why-" I start to search for a more specific reason as to why he's refusing to be sedated, but he stops me before I can get very far.

"Please, Will" he practically begs me. How can I say no to that? This is my brother. And while I hate seeing him suffer, I can't betray his trust.

"Okay" I say, immediately noticing a sparkle in his eyes. "No drugs."

To be continued…

Okay, change of plans. I know that this was supposed to be the last part of this particular section, but I got carried away (again) and now I can't fit everything into one chapter, so you're gonna have to wait once again. I'm really sorry for the cliffhanger, but I hope it'll be worth it in the end.

Also, as you can probably tell, the next chapter is going to be very tough on someone (both physically and emotionally). So unless you're prepared to go through that, I suggest you stop reading while you can.

Thanks for reading. I hope you liked it. Let me know what you think (if this is too much or not...), so I know whether or not I should keep writing in this direction. I have very mixed emotions about this chapter. I can't seem to be able to decide whether I like it or not, so please be so kind and tell me what you thought. Thanks.

Have a great day, fellow Chi-Hards!

Love, N