Hey :)

I am very much aware of the fact that it's been weeks since the last chapter, but you can't say I hadn't warned you. As I said, I am about to finish the first semester of college at the beginning of February, which obviously means that I am neck deep in exams. Please try to understand that college matters to me as at the end of the day, my whole future depends on it. Unless you want to read chapters about statistics and law or something equally boring (to me), please be patient. Thank you.

I was really skeptical whether or not I should tell you this as it is pretty personal and it might sound like I'm searching for attention or sympathy, but that's not the case. To be honest, I'm not even sure if anyone reads these… I think of you as my friends, so I decided to let you into my private life a bit more. This might help you understand some things… I've been sitting in front of a blank page for almost two hours, crying, so please bare with me. About seven months ago, I lost an extremely close friend in an accident, which got me into writing FanFiction in the first place (I talked about that in my first story Echoes In My Brain, so I'm not gonna get into it again). He was the same age as me, amazing at football, really kind, caring and funny – an incredibly amazing person. I was just about to take the most important exams of my life (at least up till then), as they were qualifiers for college. You may be wondering where on Earth I'm going with this, so here's the reason why. On the third of January 2018, another friend of mine passed away. As crazy as it sounds, the whole set of events was exactly the same. My friend, Simone, was the same age as me, an amazing football player, incredibly smart and kind – one of the best people I will ever have the honor to meet. He got into a car accident and most likely died on impact, though we will never know exactly what happened. Same as seven months ago, exams are coming up, stressing me out even more than I already am. I'm stuck somewhere between going to school, writing presentations and essays, studying and crying… You can probably imagine what I feel like, so I'm gonna stop pitying myself now and go on with the story. Thank you for listening and I'm sorry if I made your day crappy or made you sad. Those were never my intentions.

On a more positive note, the feedback I'm getting is incredible and amazing and sweet and kind… I could go on for ages. It means so much to me. Every time I'm having a terrible day, I go and read your reviews, which always make my day brighter. Thank you so so much for being there and reading my story.

I hope you like it :)

PART 6

Will's P.O.V.

It's been the longest twelve days of my life.

Or fourteen, actually. Jay was missing for the first few, which drove me out of my mind. Luckily, both him and Adam were found more or less unharmed. Or so we thought.

I can clearly remember the moment I got a call from Voight, telling me that they had found my brother and that he was alive. I was told that he was being treated at the nearest hospital, which didn't really make me feel any calmer, as I wanted to see him with my own eyes and make sure he was okay. But I had no say in the matter. I was at work, so there was no way for me to just get into the car and drive myself to Milwaukee.

To no one's surprise, Jay discharged himself from hospital only a few hours after being found, which was obviously a stupid idea. Not to mention how dangerous it was. Luckily, Voight had offered to take care of Jay, until I was able to come pick him up, so at least I knew he was in good hands. I was able to calm down a little, until I got another call from Voight. Except this time, his voice wasn't as calm and collected as it normally is. No. This time, he sounded scared. As in actually freaked out. Do you have any idea what it takes to scare Voight? Right, I don't either. Up till then, I had never seen him scared. Ever.

Everything happened so fast. Apparently, one minute my brother was sound asleep at Voight's house, and the next, I was dragging him out of Voight's car, because he could barely breathe. A couple of hours later, he was put on a ventilator for 72 hours tops. Or so I thought. To make this whole thing a little harder, Jay decided to refuse any type of medication, as if being intubated wasn't enough of a torturous act. Watching him gag and suffocate around the tube in his trachea for hours was horrible, but wondering why Jay had refused the sedatives in the first place, was even worse. The reason had to be psychological, which meant it was something that I couldn't heal. And that little bit of information was killing me.

Another 28 hours later, Jay started crashing, so we had no other choice but to sedate him against his will and put him on ECMO. Let me point out that ECMO is usually used as a last resort. That tiny little fact keeps me from sleeping at night, if you know what I mean…

It's been more than a week since then, and I find myself sitting in a chair beside my brother's bed once again, wondering how the hell I'm going to survive in case he doesn't.

You see, patients are usually put on ECMO for eight to ten days. Their condition either improves, or they die. That is in most of the cases anyway. Jay, on the other hand, has always been something special, and this time, it's no different. His condition has barely improved over the past ten days, but on the bright side, it hasn't gotten worse either. It almost seems like he's stuck in the same spot, unable to choose which path to take – life or death.

We're keeping him in an induced coma until he can be taken off of the ECMO machine. That's actually a good thing, since he's also receiving paralytics as he needs to stay completely still for safety reasons. Can you imagine how freaked out Jay would be if he was aware of not being able to move? Yeah… that wouldn't be pretty.

I was sort of calm the first three or four days of him being on ECMO. I have to admit it was kind of nice to finally see him sleep peacefully after watching him fight the ventilator for 28 hours. After that, I was starting to get worried. He wasn't getting any better, and now, 10 days after being put on life support, he's still exactly the same. If his condition doesn't improve over the next three or four days, he might need a lung transplant, and the odds of getting one of those on such a short notice aren't exactly great. So yes, by now I'm worried sick.

Will's P.O.V

On the thirteenth day of being on ECMO, Jay's condition improved overnight. It was almost like a miracle. His stats started coming up all of a sudden, so we decided it was time to start weaning him off of the machine. So here I am, standing directly in front of Jay's room (only because he isn't aloud more than two visitors at a time to prevent infection), explaining the procedure Jay's about to undergo to his team.

"After he's off the ECMO, he's still gonna need to be ventilated" I explain to the worried, but relieved faces in front of me. "As we reduce the support of the ECMO machine, the support of the ventilator will need to be increased." I explain the whole process to Jay's team, not really bothering to use any emotions. After I'm done with my terrible monologue, we go our separate ways. I walk back into Jay's room, while they stay outside and stare at us through the glass.

My coworkers decided not to bother trying to get me to leave Jay's room for more than five minutes, as there's really no point. I'm never letting him out of my sight again. Rhodes and a couple of nurses are going to do the procedure instead of me, but as long as they let me stay with my brother I'm totally fine with it.

The next hour is more of a blur than anything else. All the tubes connected to Jay's veins, transporting blood from his body to the ECMO and back, are disconnected. The veins are stitched back up, while Jay's stats are carefully monitored.

"Come on, stay up" I say, referring to Jay's stats. If they start dropping again, he's gonna be in real trouble, that's for sure.

The seconds drag and ten seconds later, his oxygen levels are still at 96. "That's it, Jay. Keep going" I coax my brother, even though none of this is the result of his work. He's still deeply sedated and completely unaware of all of this. Another twenty seconds later the stats are still the same.

"Okay, we're good" Rhodes announces happily. "Will, breathe" he says putting a hand on my shoulder, informing me of the fact that I've been holding my breath for quite a while. "He's okay for now. He's holding his own." I exhale in relief, letting out a tiny little laugh. Thank god.

"I'm gonna go deliver the good news to his team" Rhodes continues. "Stay with him. He's not out of the woods yet, but he's one step closer. Talk to him. He's gonna need you more than ever."

Trust me, Rhodes, I'm aware of that.

I fall into the closest chair, grabbing one of my brother's hands and start talking about anything I can think of, not really paying attention to my own words, too occupied with scary thoughts.

You see, another thing I am also aware of is the fact that Jay tends to block people out whenever he feels vulnerable, and right now that worries me. A lot.

Will's P.O.V.

I've been in the exact same spot for the past 14 hours. Rhodes has been checking on both Jay and I every two hours, probably just as anxious as me. Just as I'm about start telling Jay about the time we went to our first baseball game, Rhodes walks in once again.

"Hey, Will" he states, checking on the heart monitor, which I decided to stop doing a couple of hours ago, after I drove myself crazy by glancing at it every few minutes, hoping to see some change.

"How's he doing?" I ignore his greeting, only worried about Jay.

"Same as before, which is good" he says with a smile before sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the bed. "There's something I wanna discuss with you."

I finally look at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm sure it's already crossed your mind, but I'm afraid we can no longer put the decision off."

I immediately know what he's talking about, but that doesn't mean it scares me any less. The thought has been hunting me for days.

Jay has been on the ventilator for so long that the weaning process is going to be rather long and difficult for him. Since he needs to be awake for that whole part, having an endotracheal tube stuck in his throat would be extremely uncomfortable for him. So once again, I'm stuck between being a good doctor and a good brother. I know what Jay would say about this, but the decision isn't as easy for me. I know he'd try avoiding medical procedures at any cost, I just can't see him in any more pain.

I look back at Jay, trying to make sure I'm making the right decision, although I guess I'll never know for sure, and give Rhodes a nod.

"Trache him."

Al's P.O.V.

"It's called a tracheotomy. We're gonna make a small incision into his neck and put a tube directly into his trachea to help him breathe" Will explains briefly, even though he doesn't tell me anything I didn't know before.

Damn it, kid. A tracheotomy? How did we get here, huh?

"Wait" Adam says after a while, clearly completely confused and probably freaked out a little. "Isn't the tube he's on now doing exactly the same thing? Why does he need a new one?" I have to admit, he does have a point.

"Yes, the endotracheal tube has the same purpose as the tracheotomy one, but Jay will be much more comfortable with the second one as it won't irritate him as much." Will explains, his voice completely flat. I can tell that watching Jay on the verge of death is really taking it's toll on Will.

I am no doctor, but I do know some things. For example, I know that being intubated for more than a few days comes with its risks. Given that Jay's been on a vent for almost two weeks that isn't exactly a good thing. And it's not like he's gonna be able to breathe on his own the minute he wakes up either. It was only a matter of time, before the doctors suggested a tracheotomy.

Let me explain why. Having a tube inserted through your neck instead of your mouth avoids the pleasant thing called gag reflex, which makes you gag all the time. The obvious consequence of that is that you don't need to be fully sedated, which is a blessing in Jay's case as he really needs to be woken up as soon as possible to avoid further complication. Another benefit is that some patients are actually able to talk while being on a vent, which might be a good thing from a psychological perspective, but that's a whole different story.

Will's P.O.V.

Two hours, a simple procedure and a couple of scans later, I'm back in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to Jay's bed, except this time, Jay's mouth isn't occupied by an invasive tube anymore. The tube sneaking into his neck doesn't look any less painful, though. If anything it looks even more intimidating than the ET one.

For god's sake, I'm a doctor. I should be good with things like this, instead I've stopped counting the times I've lost my mind in the past two weeks. Lucky for me, Dr. Charles was always there to force me to calm down. I gotta admit, he knows how to deal with agitated patients and their scared families. I'll never say this out loud, but I really am thankful I have my colleagues to lean on. I don't know where I'd be without them.

Probably in prison for assaulting a random person who happened to get in my way during one of my breakdowns. Or something like that.

Man, I wish this nightmare would be over soon. I don't know how much longer I can take.

Will's P.O.V.

I got my wish.

It's been another two days since the tracheotomy and we're finally reducing the sedation and letting Jay wake up. I'm so thankful that I have a good chance of getting my brother back, but that doesn't mean I'm not incredibly worried. Based on the severity of Jay's injuries, I most likely won't get him back in one piece. I just hope all of the pieces find their way back to each other eventually.

Jay's in for a lot of challenges. Waking him up is going to be a slow and gradual process, and once he does wake up, he'll likely be confused, agitated or even non-compliant due to the drugs. That much is common knowledge, but based on the complications, long coma, tracheotomy and his psychological condition before he was sedated… I'm afraid of what's gonna happen once he wakes up.

To be continued…

This chapter was shorter than I would like (forgive me, but it's the middle of the night where I live), but I figured posting a shorter chapter is better than not posting at all. I apologize for any mistakes I made, because I'm halfway asleep.

To be honest, I'm not exactly satisfied with how this chapter turned out. I don't know if it's just me, but my style of writing seems way worse than normal. Maybe I'm just not in the mood to be creative, if that's even a thing… I guess I'm just the perfectly imperfect me. Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless. I'll try to post again as soon as possible, though I'm not sure when that's gonna be. Thank you for sticking around and supporting me.

Have a great day.

Love, N