So exactly one year ago today I first uploaded this story and I greatly appreciate all the love and support I'm still getting, 50 chapters in. Thank you isn't enough for me to express my gratitude.
To the reviewers of the last chapter, ItsJustBecca, monkeybaby, Pharmergirl, peace486, robinangel, and ki4pak I just want to say thank you again for your reviews.
Also on a minor sad note 11 years ago yesterday my paternal grandfather died and it's been hard ever since.
Contains references to 3x6.
Anna continued to sit on the steps after her blow up at her father until she couldn't take it anymore. The pent up nervous energy was getting to her so she sprang up and went for a walk, hoping to just circle the block, wear it off, and finally calm down enough to talk to her father. She watched her feet and soon found herself at the subway stop a few blocks from the house. She wasn't sure how she got there but she wasn't ready to go back yet either so she pulled out her phone. The dark screen and purple case stared up at her for a few moments then she automatically unlocked it and dialed an old familiar number. "Hello?" the comforting voice answered.
"Hey, I'm sorry I'm interrupting the Giants," Anna said.
"Game just started, what's up?" Jim asked.
"There's a subway stop on 77th and 4th in Bay Ridge, can you pick me up from there?" Anna asked.
"Are you okay?" Jim asked.
"I'll tell you all about it if you pick me up," Anna answered.
"I'll be there soon," Jim told her. Anna sat down on a bus bench and waited. He finally pulled up and she quickly hopped in the shotgun seat of the truck. He pulled out heading north as a bus pulled into the spot just seconds later. "Where am I going?"
"The middle of nowhere," Anna suggested.
"This is NYC, where am I going to find the middle of nowhere?"
"I don't know, I just don't want to be here."
Jim turned eastward and headed for 7th Avenue which would take him back to the Staten Island Bridge. He thought for a moment. "My uncle has a place on the coast that didn't take too much heat from Sandy. We could go there for a while. The drive looks out over the beach and the harbor and if you look close enough you can see right into Brooklyn. Bay Ridge actually."
"Thanks, Jim."
"How'd you get there so fast? According to GPS, the subway station is like two miles from your grandfather's house."
"It's more like one, less than one actually. I can run a mile in seven minutes I can walk it about double that. I was just angry." When the car stopped they weren't in a driveway, they weren't even at a house, but they were in Staten Island. "What are we doing here?"
"You're going to run in there and get me and you some cider or cocoa and then I'll take you to the house." Anna glared at him but got out and went to get him cider and her cocoa. Once he was sure she was inside and not paying attention to him, Jim whipped out his phone and texted Linda.
Meanwhile in Brooklyn, Danny was getting a phone call from his witness and was out the door. Linda began putting the dishes in the dishwasher and looked out the back window to see an empty backyard. Then it hit her. "Jamie, come here."
"Yeah?" Jamie asked, entering the kitchen.
"I thought you said that Anna was in the backyard."
"She was. Hmmm," Jamie pondered as he too looked out the window. "Maybe she took a walk." Linda's phone went off and she looked at it. Then she sighed. "Everything okay?"
"Jim picked her up and they're going to talk."
"Maybe it'll help. If you really want him to bring her home, I'm sure he'll do that if you ask him."
Anna looked at Jim as she climbed back in the truck. "Ready?" Anna asked. Jim nodded and drove them to his uncle's place. He pulled into the drive and they got out and sat in the bed of the truck, resting back against the cab window. "I don't want to talk." Anna shook her head.
"Okay, I'll talk, you listen," Jim said. He opened the back window and the Giants game floated through. Jim talked about his nieces, his family, the Giants, and his dream for the future which wasn't very clear but definitely included something in the FDNY. Anna smirked. As Jim racked his brain to come up with something else, Anna spoke.
"My uncle thinks I'm bipolar," Anna said flatly. She drummed her fingers against her empty paper cup and stared at the waves crashing on the coast.
"Oh?" Jim asked curiously.
"Says one second I'm up and the next I'm down." Jim held quiet not sure what else to say. "I'm not. Hell, maybe I am. It would explain a lot. I'm crazy, right?" she asked. She put her cup just out of reach and turned to look at Jim pleadingly.
"You're not crazy. You went through hell." He set his cup out of the way then turned to Anna. He cupped her cheek and took her hand. "Aside from your parents, have you told anyone what happened Friday night?"
"Do you count?"
"My uncle Aaron told me what happened, so no."
"My great-grandfather."
"Did you tell him how you feel?"
"Reagans don't talk about their feelings."
"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you don't talk about it, you'll end up stroking out," Jim said exasperated. Anna only shrugged. "You've got to talk to someone, Anna."
"What do you think I'm doing?"
"You haven't told me anything."
"I'm scared. Scared that they really do blame me. With the tuition hikes at the boys' school, they can't afford to replace that car. We were barely making ends meet as it is, now without that third car; it's going to be 10 times harder. It's all my fault."
"And?"
"And I'm angry. Because I blew up the car, my dad has to moonlight as security for this snobby photographer and he's not around. I need him around for me and he's not. Maybe I'm just expecting too much and when he is there for me, I shut him down and it never goes how I picture it should."
"But mostly?" Jim asked. Anna looked confused. "Come on, I know you."
"Mostly, I feel guilty. Like somehow it's all my fault. Not just the car but the money problems, my dad not being around, getting angry so much. That and ..."
"And?"
"A tiny little bit of me feels like a spoiled two-year-old throwing a tantrum because she doesn't get her way."
"Have you ever thought about ... I know that you've said Reagans don't talk about things and that leads to you keeping a lot of things on your chest ... You could end up being the youngest person ever to have a heart attack, or going grey. The last thing I want is to be going to my best friend's funeral before she's old and grey."
"Have I ever thought about what, Jim?" Anna insisted.
"Talking to someone, professionally?"
"Yeah because my parents can so afford that on top of everything else. No way," she scoffed.
"You're medical insurance might cover it."
"And spike the premiums?"
"Anna, you have got to do something." Anna glared at him. Jim sighed and looked down. "I miss my best friend. The always happy, always smiling, best friend. The one who could give me a happy little grin and my day would completely turn around."
Anna sighed heavily. "I don't know what you want me to say, Jim."
"I want you to say you'll think about asking your parents for help."
"I'll think about it."
Jim looked back up and studied her face. "Don't lie to me, Anna." He squeezed her hand as he looked deep into her eyes.
"Why would you say that?"
"Because, once again, I know you." It was in the way she wouldn't look directly in his eyes. "I know that you're worried about money and college and the future and the last thing you want to do is burden your parents."
"Can we not talk about this?" Anna asked uncomfortable. Jim was certain he had hit the nail squarely on the head and she didn't want to lash out at him so she was pulling back. Jim let go of her cheek and hand then drained his cup of cider looking back out over the beach. He didn't want to piss her off and have her storm off, ending in her never speaking to him again but at the same time he didn't want to drop the topic but with the first being the most likely outcome if he kept pushing, he let it go. Not long after the announcer proclaimed the Steelers' victory over the Giants, he climbed out of the bed and got back in the cab. Anna squeezed her way through the window and dropped into the passenger seat. Jim rolled his eyes but took her home. When he pulled up out front, he saw that the Camaro was in the drive and the porch light was on but the Jeep was missing from the curb. That meant her dad wasn't home and Jim wasn't sure that was a good thing. Anna's sigh however sounded relieved and he knew she was taking that as a good thing.
"Goodnight, Anna," Jim said softly. She popped open the passenger door and went to get out but stopped.
Anna looked back at Jim remembering he was just trying to help and he had driven all the way out to Brooklyn to get her on a whim. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you," she told him.
"Anytime but try not to run from your problems."
"Okay," Anna sighed. When she got inside she found her mom on the couch reading a magazine but the rest of the place was dark and deserted.
"Something came up and your dad had to go back to work," Linda said before Anna could ask. "Your brothers are already in bed and I want you there too." She didn't even look up from her magazine at Anna.
"Am I in trouble?" Anna asked softly.
"We'll talk tomorrow."
"Okay, goodnight." Linda didn't answer and Anna felt bad, knowing that she was in trouble. She bit her lower lip and went up to bed trying not to cry. Once Anna had her pajamas on and was settled in bed, Jack crept into her room and made himself comfortable next to her on the bed. "What's up?" Anna asked.
"I don't know. Mom and Dad refused to talk about what happened. They seemed a little upset by what you implied, 'screw the new job and stick with being a cop', but nobody said anything about it. Once dinner was over Dad got a phone call in the kitchen while he talked to Mom and Mom said something came up at work. Later I overheard Mom and Uncle Jamie talking about what you told him."
"You eavesdropped."
Jack shrugged. "Jamie asked Mom if she knew anyone at the hospital who wouldn't mind sitting down and talking to you. Maybe someone owed Mom a favor or something."
"Like a shrink?" Jack shrugged again. "Great, now the whole family thinks I'm crazy."
"I don't think you're crazy."
"Because that means a lot coming from my little brother."
"Fine, be that way." Jack climbed out of the bed and went back to his own room where Sean looked at him expectantly. Jack shrugged then told him what happened as Anna cried herself to sleep. Sean sighed then pulled himself out of bed. "Where are you going?" Jack asked.
"I told you, we can't let her sleep alone. She has nightmares. Dad's not here and Mom's mad at her for what she did even though she didn't really blow up so it's up to us. If you can't get over what she said to you then I'm going to make sure she tries to sleep through the night. She did for you when you had nightmares about the shooting," Sean said. He walked out of the room and crept into his sister's. Once his eyes adjusted to the dark of her room, he found her bed and waited a few moments to make sure she was really asleep. When he was sure, he climbed into bed next to her and wrapped an arm around her. He could feel her breathing evening out and she turned towards him. Anna woke up the next morning not feeling any better than she had the night before but noticed there was a warm spot in the bed that she hadn't been sleeping in. Anna quickly got dressed and went to breakfast but her mom didn't say anything to her. "Dad come home last night?" Sean asked.
"No, he'll be home after school. Why?" Linda answered.
"Curious." Sean shrugged. Anna looked at her little brother then at her mom. If Danny hadn't kept her company last night, she wondered who did. Anna waited all morning but her mom never said anything to her so she figured that Linda was waiting until Danny got home to bring her wrath down on her. Before Anna could ponder that too far, it was time for school.
The minute she reached her locker was the minute she was wrapped in a hug. She relished it then shortly pulled back and was surprised to find it wasn't Jim or Becky. It wasn't even Beth. "Derrek?" Anna asked.
"I heard what happened, I am so glad you're okay," Derrek told her. "Even though you look like hell."
"Thanks, Derrek. Exactly what a girl wants to hear first thing Monday morning," Anna snapped.
"That I'm glad you're okay?" He asked confused as he stepped back and leaned against the locker next to hers.
"That I look like hell." Anna rolled her eyes and opened her locker to look in the mirror. She didn't see anything different from how she normally looked, a little concealer went a long way, but she could see her eyes looked tired. Then she turned back to him. "You heard what happened? How?" Anna asked.
"Who was there for you when your grandma Mary died? When you had the chicken pox? When you met Jim? We've been friends since third grade, Anna, that's four years longer than you've known Jim. I know we're not besties, but I thought we were friends." He didn't look angry just resolved.
"Of course we are, Derrek."
"But?" he prompted.
"No buts. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." She switched out some books and looked back up at him.
Derrek watched her for a bit then sighed. "Look, it's okay. You have a closer bond with Jim. You felt better telling him."
"I didn't tell him," Anna insisted. "His uncle is the fire chief for that area and he came out with the trucks just in case it got bigger or spread. He's the one that told Jim what happened when he called Jim. The only people I told were my parents and my great-grandfather."
"Beth and Becky?"
"Becky was babysitting my brothers when it happened and she must have told Beth. You heard it through the grapevine?"
"At my parents' store. Hottest gossip on the street. Are you okay?" Anna nodded. "You know you can tell me anything. I swear I won't tell anyone."
"I'm okay, Derrek, I promise." Anna said. Derrek didn't look like he believed her so he wrapped her in another hug which she leaned in to. The bell rang preventing any other questions. At lunch Anna got a text from her mom asking her to meet her at the hospital after school. Anna looked from Derrek to Jim then at the rest of the baseball team who were all currently recapping the Giants game. She looked back at Jim and blinked at him before looking back at Derrek. "You have a full license?" Anna asked.
"Yeah, why?" Derrek answered.
"Are you busy after school?" Derrek shook his head. "Can you take me to St. Victor's in the city?"
"Everything alright?" Derrek asked. Jim looked at him curiously before looking back at Anna. It was odd that she was asking Derrek instead of him.
"My mom wants me to meet her and I don't have my full license yet. Can you take me? She's an ER nurse there."
"Sure." Derrek agreed. "Is everything alright?"
"I think so, maybe she just wants to talk to me."
"Oh, okay." Derrek nodded. So after school he took her to St. Victor's and dropped her off. She insisted that he didn't need to stay and he reluctantly took off.
Anna walked inside the ER entrance and found her way to the nurses' station. It wasn't as crowded as she thought it should be but then again it was a Monday afternoon. She clutched the strap of her backpack with both hands as she looked at the nurse behind the desk. "Hi, can you page nurse Linda Reagan for me?" Anna asked.
"You'll get the same treatment everyone else does. Fill out these forms and have a seat." The nurse said, motioning to the clipboard in front of Anna.
"No, ma'am. I'm not hurt or anything. Linda is my mom. She asked me to meet her here."
The nurse finally looked up from the chart she was filling out. "Oh, right. Have a seat there and she'll be with you shortly." The nurse motioned to the seat nearest her station.
Anna sat down and waited. Five minutes later Linda walked up to the desk, handed a chart to the nurse Anna had talked to then caught Anna's eye. She motioned for Anna to follow her. As they walked down the hall, Linda looked at her daughter. "I want you to meet someone."
"A doctor? I just had my check up," Anna said.
"I want you to talk to her."
"A psycho doctor? Mom, whatever Uncle Jamie told you—"
"This isn't about what he told me, just talk to her. Maybe she can help."
"Then you want me to apologize to everyone for yesterday?"
"Start by talking to her." Linda opened a door that lead to a conference room. Anna stared up at her mom and didn't enter. "Have a seat. She'll be with you in a moment. Anna held firm until her mom glared. She sighed and sat down at the table drumming her thumbs against it as she waited.
Well hopefully this talk will help Anna straighten herself out or maybe it'll just push her further into denial. Guess you'll just have to wait until the next chapter to find out.