Hiiii :)
No, you are not hallucinating. The notification you received was real. I'm back! Yaay me XD (*cue the fanfare and standing ovations)
I'm not sure if I should even bother trying to explain my ridiculously long break (again)… Please, feel free to blame it on my college. I definitely do. First of all, college destroyed my summer, because two of my professors decided to flunk me twice (we only get three chances), which meant I could either take the exams in September or fail the entire year. Or, you know, possibly both, if I managed to fail for the third time. No pressure. No pressure at all. I cannot sit still and study for the life of me. And I hate school. And I get really anxious just thinking aout school. So basically, I'm the perfect student XD Wow, this is getting really off topic. Anyhow, I spent the whole summer hating myself for failing those stupid tests, not actually doing any studying. Which worked our great, because I somehow managed to pass one of the exams and get into junior year of college. (I wasn't so lucky on the other one and failed it again, but we won't talk about that XD)
Did you think my rant about school was over? Not just yet. I've come to realise that junior year is ridiculously hard. And I mean bad. Really, really bad. I'm kind of enjoying the fact that we have school online this month, because I get to stay home and cuddle with my cat all day long. But. It's only been a month and I'm drowning in piles and piles of unfinished work. Drowning to the point where insane anxiety has become a part of my daily routine. If you experience anxiety too, I'm sure you'd agree that it's no fun. And yet, here I am, writing the next chapter instead of doing homework XD I'm a professional at procrastinating. (I'm sure you can tell by now XD) Okay, I'm done now. Thank you for listening.
How are you guys doing? Sometimes it seems like the world's about to fall apart, so I really hope that you're doing well. Or, you know, as well as you can be. Mainly, I hope that you and your loved ones are healthy and safe. I don't know if my country has secretly entered a who-can-get-the-most-cases-in-the-shortest-amount-of-time competition or… All jokes aside, I've come to the conclusion that many people in my country are stupid, because wearing a mask still seems totally 'unnecessary' to most of them. Consequently, my country is currently doing so horribly bad that we're steadily climbing our way to the top of the list of most infected countries… I mean, I don't even have words. I'm just thankful my family is currently still healthy. (Knock on wood.) I know some of you work in the medical field, so I'm guessing you're currently first in the line of fire, which can't be easy. Especially right now… I know it probably won't make much of a difference and that you would deserve so much more, but I'd like to thank you for everything that you do anyway. I don't now where we would be without you.
On another not so happy note – I've been debating on whether I should even mention this or not, but since I seem to write the longest (and quite personal) introductions ever, I might as well. On the eve of my birthday (about 8 weeks ago), my cousin got hit by a car, which… yeah, sucks. No newsflash there… He's been in a coma ever since, which isn't necessarily bad, but it's obviously not exactly good either. Thanks to the whole pandemic thing hospitals are jam-packed, shorter and shorter on staff and equipment each day… we haven't been able to go see him at all, so we have no clue how he's doing. And what's even worse is that he's all alone. He might not be aware of anything, but what if he is? I can't imagine being stuck halfway and not being able to hear any familiar voices… I should probably mention that he's a twin, so don't even get me started on how his brother's doing… Well, this got really dark really fast. I'm sorry. If you're religious/believe in anything, I'd really appreciate it, if you could say a prayer for him. Thank you 3
(I'm nearly done, I promise XD Congratulations and thank you if you made it this far)
As always, I've come to the conclusion that you must be the sweetest people on this planet. Despite the fact that I keep leaving you with the worst possible cliff-hangers and disappear for months at a time, you still shock me with the amount of love I receive from you. Every single time. You did it again. You beat the record – the previous chapter got more reviews than any other, which I really appreciate. Whenever I'm having a bad day, I go back and read through your reviews… I swear, it's the best medicine. Thank you :) Shall we finally get into the personal responses?
floopdeedoopdee: Hahahahahahah XD Your reviews are the best! I'm wheezing XD Thank you for leaving me the nicest (and funniest reviews)! Thank you for supporting the evil part of me XD And I'm sorry I couldn't drop everything in my life and devote myself to being evil some more. I did pet my cat though… and eat, because food is everything… and I did sleep a little here and there… but mostly pet my cat. Anyway, I hope you don't die of excitement and I hope this chapter was somehow worth the ridiculously long wait XD
Lolypok: Aww, thank you so much! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update... I hope you haven't given up on me yet XD
Extraordinarygirl116: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the brotherly bond, because I looove writing about it. I may or may not be a tiiiny bit addicted XD The end of this chapter (let's try not to spoil anything) is devoted to your request, so I hope you like it XD As for 7x10, I'm gonna have to agree with you. I was expecting sooo much… and then I was so disappointed… Thank goodness FanFiction exists, otherwise I would've been lost XD I agree with everything you said about my future job – I'm sure it won't be easy, but I swear, it's one of the most rewarding jobs in the entire world. Thank you for your sweet wishes, I'm doing quite well so far, and I hope you're doing well too. My cat, who's currently cuddled on my lap, thanks you for the extra love you sent XD I'm sorry you can't have a vat yet. That sucks. My Mom isn't a fan of them either and still gives me a hard time about getting her, even though it's been ten years… I hope you get to have a cat someday. They're the best! (Sorry to all the dog lovers. I love dogs too.)
Kaylerrae: Hi! Thank you so much! I'm sorry it took forever for me to update… I hope you haven't given up on me yet XD
Gabriela Amato: Oh my goodness, thank you! You're so sweet… First of all, olá! (For a moment there, I almost greeted you in Spanish - oops, but thankfully, I decided to google it just in case… and google told me that's how you say hello in Brazil, so I hope it's right XD) I believe you are the first person from Brazil I've ever spoken too, so I'm honoured. Second of all, you're English is great and as far as I can tell, you're most certainly good at writing too. Third of all, I loooove getting long and personal reviews, so please, don't apologise for writing a long review. I love and appreciate all of the reviews, but I'd be lying if I said that the longer ones don't have an extra special place in my heart… So thank you! It really has been a difficult year for everyone, but I hope you're doing well, and I hope this chapter takes you to a happy place at least for a while :)
CBloom2: I'm so sooooryyyyyy! I know, I know, cliff-hangers are awful and I'm mean for leaving you hanging like that. I hope you survived XD And thank you for your compliment! I'm a biiiiig fan of the Halstead brotherly love myself, so… you may or may not be right about what's coming next ;) Oops, no spoilers.
TeZan: Hahahah (yes, you can most certainly write that XD) I can't say I disagree… I'm really glad to hear you're a sucker for a hurt Will and protective Jay, because that means, I have a very special little something coming for you (I should probably stop talking, before I spoil anything XD). Thank you for your good wishes :) I hope you and your loved ones are doing well too…
: Hahahah well thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed :) I agree with you – I am in no way supporting killing anybody, but… Anyhow, I can't say I disagree with your view on Voight. I'm not the biggest fan of revenge and people getting hurt because of someone they know/work for either… There are definitely some parts of the show that I really don't like, and that's one of them. That's why I love FanFiction though – so I can create the stories I wanted to see on the show, but didn't XD As for Hailey, I can't say I dislike her that much, but I do understand where you're coming from. And don't worry about your rant – I rather enjoyed it XD I hope you and your family are still doing okay :)
Shut-up-i-m-jay: You made an account! Yeeeessssss! Alright, where do I start? XD I'm glad to hear that my response made your day :) I think responding to all of your reviews is the least I can do, because quite frankly, there are many days, when I feel a bit crapy and go back to reading your reviews… and they make my day over and over again, every single time. So I should be the one thanking you :) Thank you for reading every single one of my impossibly long notes (twice) XD First of all, congratulations on even getting into med school. As far as I know, even getting in is… well, hard. And then comes the awful 'failing' part, which hurts like hell… I'm so sorry to hear that you failed your year. I almost failed this year to, and I know it's not even close to being the same as actually failing, but the fear and pain were definitely there… This year's awful. I hope this doesn't stop you from trying again and becoming an incredible doctor (or whatever it is you want to be). I don't actually know you, but you seem like you have the kindest heart, and his world needs more of that. And the medical field needs more people like you. It would be a shame, if they lost you :) You've mentioned that you're an AO3 person, and I (finally) listened. This whole thing (without my notes, because they would make absolutely no sense, if I randomly posted them there too XD) is now posted there too (under the same title, of course). So I hope I will see you there :) Anyhow, thank you so much for everything! I may or may not be blushing big time over here (luckily no one can see me) XD ) XD You seem like an incredibly kind and sweet person, so I really, really hope you haven't given up on this story and me yet, so I get to talk to you again someday :)
cheetahreader1213: Thank youuu so so much!
Ghostwriter: Hahahah we looove dramatic stuff here XD Thank youuu!
Eurielle: Thank you so much! You are more than welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed :)
YuukiAsuna41: You're welcome :) I agree, none of these situations would be funny in real life, but since Jay and Will are fictional characters… I hope we can get away with making these a little more fun by adding some humour XD I hope you stay healthy too :)
charmlily: Aww, thank you so, so much! :)
Megth: Hahahahahah 'this awesomeness of a story of mine' XD You're the best! First of all, I can't possibly explain to you how nice it is to hear that you keep coming back to this story and rereading it. Music to my ears… Second of all, thank you for taking the time to write me such a nice review, even though none of these chapters were new to you :) I love that you appreciate the Fatherly Al, Papa Bear Voight and loveable Will… and the humorous bits… I mean, I don't even know what to say, to be honest. I just really appreciate your review with all my heart. So thank you :)
Guest: Oh my, you're making me blush XD Thank you so much! :)
hastingstrinity04: Oh… I'm sorry XD I'm gonna take a walk of shame as soon as I post this. I know I'm awful… And the fact that I know I'm awful, makes this even more awful… I apologise. As a reader, I hate cliff-hangers, but as a writer… I guess I'm just mean. Now that sounds even more awful XD I should stop talking now… I hope this chapter makes it up to you at least a little bit :)
Guest: Hahahah I'm so sorry for leaving you there for so long (I'm hiding deep inside the box of shame.) Thank you for leaving me such a nice review, even though I left you in such an impossible spot :) And don't worry, no matter how much of a pause I accidentally take in between chapters, I don't think I'll ever stop writing this story. I love it too much!
Guest: Quick question. Are you a spy? Follow-up question. Can you read my mind? I'm kidding XD But it does amaze me, how you managed to notice I was posting this story on AO3 too within less than 24 hours XD As you can see, crossing your fingers did work, because yes, me posting the story on AO3 did mean that I was back again :) Thank you for sticking up with me and thank you for your comment!
Shall we begin? (*finds cat, sets it on the lap, cracks knuckles, sips tea, begins writing with a bit of an evil laugh)
Almost Like A Walk On The Beach
Part 6
Rhodes's P.O.V.
The second Jay goes flying towards the machines next to his bed, a ridiculously loud set of bangs erupts from somewhere to my right.
The mysterious not-friendly guy hits the ground only moments after Jay does, which has Voight running towards him immediately, most likely to ensure that he is in fact as dead as a person can get. I on the other hand, yell for help and take a second to debate which Halstead to run to first.
Will is closer to where I'm standing than Jay is, but the blue tint of Jay's lips and the sound of Voight yelling something in the line of 'get that cord off of him' makes the decision fairly easy. Someone else is gonna have to deal with the bloody puddle underneath Will.
As soon as I drop down next to Jay and successfully unwrap the cord from his neck, I can tell that his breathing sounds way off. As in very, very wrong. Which can only mean that the cord did in fact do some damage to his trachea. Great.
In that exact moment Choi and a couple of nurses come to the rescue, running through the glass door, each one of them with their own version of a perplexed expression plastered on their face.
"Will" I nod over to my unconscious colleague, hoping Choi gets the message and helps him. I, on the other hand, focus on the small bump that's already starting to form on the side of Jay's head.
"How can I help?" Voight, who's suddenly crouching next to me, asks while putting one of his hands on Jay's shoulder.
"Is he dead?" I ask, referring to the non-friendly person, silently hoping that the answer is yes. After getting a small nod from Voight, I move over, so that I'm kneeling above Jay's head. "Good. Let's roll him on his back" I instruct. "I got his neck."
Once we have him lying on his back, I get a magnificent view of exactly how bruised his neck already is and the awful shade of blue his lips have taken on.
"Jay! Can you hear me, buddy? Come on, Jay, wake up" I yell, rubbing his sternum, hoping that'll wake him up. Although, as his friend, I'm not entirely sure I want him awake for what's likely about to happen in the near future.
On my second try, I'm awarded with some cursing from Voight and a bit of kicking from Jay, but that's more or less it. Hastily, I pull his eyelids open one by one, and am immediately greeted by completely fixed pupils. Hypoxia's already setting in.
"I need an oxygen mask" I say to no one in specific, glancing up at Jay's heart monitor, only now realising that he's not actually connected to it anymore. Pressing my fingers to his neck, I count his pulse, while April quickly grabs an oxygen mask and hands it to me. (Don't ask me when she got here, because I quite frankly don't know.) She quickly connects Jay back to the heart monitor, while I carefully pull Jay's chin up and put the mask over his face, counting each one of his wheezes. They're way too slow and forced. Damn it.
Well, on the bright side, at least his heart seems to be doing fine, so we have that going for us.
"Come on, Jay, wake up" I whisper, staring at his motionless face so intensely, I could probably scare off a grizzly bear.
A second later Voight decides to join in and add his own encouraging words to my let's-annoy-Jay-so-he-wakes-up party.
The extra oxygen provided by the mask and our constant nudging must do the trick, because only moments later, Jay's eyelids flutter, before a pair of familiar blue irises greets the land of the living again.
Jay's P.O.V.
I'm pretty sure the last thing I remember is sleeping. Well, talking to Will and then sleeping. However, I don't particularly remember falling asleep with a headache, so… this is a little strange.
A beginning of a horrific migraine maybe? Perfect.
Wait, hold up.
Why is it so loud in here? I mean, to be fair, there's often quite a bit of commotion in the ICU, but as far as I know everyone always tries not to be too loud around me, due to the whole PTSD thing... You know? Plus, I know all of these voices. They are the voices of my friends, who are normally extra careful not to give me a reason to panic, and they seem quite rushed right now. Which is not soothing.
Something's off, isn't it?
Now that I think about it, this isn't the normal way people usually wake up either.
When you're sleeping, you're just, you know, sleeping. And when you wake up, it's like a snap of a finger. One second you're entirely asleep, and the next thing you know all of your senses are up and functioning for the day. You know what I mean?
Well, unless you're really not a morning person. Then I bet you know that it can take hours for all of your senses to realise they exist and should probably wake up at some point during the day. Which means you are basically some strange version of the walking dead for most of the day, dragging each one of your limbs behind yourself, hoping not to crash into a wall or the corner of your table because your eyes and brain still aren't cooperating very well.
I think all of us 'non-morning people' would agree that this part of our day sucks. But. Each one of us basically gets to be a ninja at night. Well, a seriously sleep deprived ninja, who can't fall asleep to save their life, but a ninja, nevertheless. Which is awesome. Obviously!
Where was I going with this?
Oh yeah! This whole walking dead thing somewhat resembles the way waking up from being unconscious works. Theoretically speaking.
At first, you're most likely completely knocked out, meaning you're not actually aware of the fact that you exist and there's no dreaming either. Just a bunch of nothing in all its glory. The other possibility is that you're actually not deeply unconscious to the point of not knowing you exist. That's the glorious land of the never-ending dreaming, which tends to get rudely interrupted by sounds or pain every once in a while, but that's more or less it for the time being.
Then comes the actual waking up process, which believe it or not takes a while. Like I said, it's a process. The first thing that usually comes back are the sounds. Familiar voices or sirens, maybe even the annoying beeping of the heart monitor, like the one I'm hearing right now-
Oh crap.
Wait, never mind. That's been there ever since they brought me back from the desert, so no need to worry about it. Crisis averted. Right?
What was I saying? Oh yeah, the second thing that comes back is probably pain, obviously depending on the severity of it. If it's horrifically bad, you'll probably figure it out pretty fast. Unless you're: (a) still hyped up by the glorious thing called adrenaline, or (b) already pumped full of drugs. Then you might have a few minutes left to spare, before it kicks in.
Then you're sort of stuck in that in-between world for a while, before your ability to connect the sounds to their meaning finally kicks in, and you can actually hear and understand someone yelling at you to wake up. And then you have to figure out a way to get your eyelids to work, which, again, is a process.
By this point, your other senses still haven't kicked in yet, and you have to wait for them to casually start dropping in at random times, gradually figuring out how to actually work together and make sense to you.
So yeah, my point is that waking up from being unconscious is very different from normal sleeping.
And now that I think about it, it sort of feels a lot like right now.
Damn it, not again.
Why do I keep getting into situations like this? Were we not in this same exact spot a couple of days ago? This is getting really annoying really fast.
Alright, so I already got the ability to hear back, even though I can't actually figure out what these voices are saying. And I guess you could say I have my ability to think too, although having an in-depth conversation with myself about the process of waking up might count as being delirious, so… I've also definitely discovered pain, so where does that leave me?
Opening my eyes. Alright, here we go. Dear brain, how do I enable the open-eyelids-function?
Oh, Jesus! That's bright.
Well, maybe a little bit more time in the land of blackness doesn't sound so bad after all…
Rhodes's P.O.V.
"Damn it" I curse, watching Jay's body go limp once again.
I can literally feel Voight staring daggers at me, which is more than a little intimidating. But then again, he's almost like a second father to Jay… so I should honestly give him credit for not killing me out of worry yet. Very much appreciated.
"It's okay, Voight. I'm honestly surprised he even woke up at all." Yeah… I can hear the mistake as soon as I say it.
Should I run away to save my life or are we gonna let this one slide?
You know what, he has a gun, so better to be safe than sorry. I flinch and try to make myself vanish just in case he decides to attack…
"God, kid…"
Really? That's it? Seriously? No blackmailing or threats? Sweet. I should buy a lottery ticket.
Alright, we're alive. Let's move on.
"I have to keep his neck stabilised in case he injured his spine. April, can you please pass me the C-collar?"
I've noticed Voight keeps glancing over in Will's direction nervously, so as soon as the neck brace is secure around Jay's neck, I allow myself a brief moment to elaborate with Ethan.
"Talk to me, Choi" I say, praying that Will's somehow doing better than his little brother is. You know, apart from the bleeding part.
"Um… the bullet got his shoulder, and he must've hit his head when he fell. Pupils are fixed and dilated, but otherwise he seems to be doing pretty well, considering… How's Jay?"
Alright. Pretty well, considering. We can work with that.
"I'm pretty sure the guy crushed his trachea. Not sure about any spinal injury yet, he was moving his legs a bit though, which is good… and he hit his head on the floor too, so I'm guessing he gained himself a concussion on top of everything else."
"Damn it" Choi curses. "Is he conscious?"
"No, not yet. He opened his eyes for a second and passed out again."
I know exactly what's going through Ethan's mind. We both know how jumpy and freaked out Jay's been ever since he was admitted. Well, to be fair, he's always jumpy and hyperalert, especially when he happens to be anywhere near this specific building, but you know what I mean… And we also both know that whenever he does get stuck in the hospital, he feels way less threatened if he's around either Will or Choi. Preferably both. And Will's currently unavailable, which means he really needs Choi.
In that exact moment, Nat comes crashing through the door. Talk about perfect timing... "Will?!" she gasps, before dropping down next to him, taking hold of one of his hands.
"Nat, can you take care of him?" I ask, knowing Will's in capable hands now. (Let's just make a conscious decision to forget about the fact that Nat's basically Will's family and therefore shouldn't be working on him. We're all his family, so…thank you for your understanding.) "I need Choi's help."
"I'll help her" Maggie, who has appeared out of nowhere announces, swapping places with Choi.
"What do you need?" Choi asks as soon as he's next to me, conveniently sitting exactly in between both of the brothers, successfully blocking Jay's view of Will (and vice versa) in case either one of them woke up.
"His airway's stable for now, but we need to check how bad the damage is. Let's do a flexible fiberoptic laryngoscopy." Choi nods in agreement, so I take this as my cue to get up and run for help. "Here, hold his head still while I go get the scope. Jay, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."
Jay's P.O.V.
The next time I allow myself to open my eyes, two hands are gripping my head, keeping it from moving.
"Jay?" someone says from somewhere way too close to me. Not sure who. Or from where. I just know it's too close and I don't like it. "Can you hear me, buddy?
Nooo. Come on! Now he's rubbing my chest too. Seriously, people. Have you ever heard of personal space?
And it's making me cough now. Great. Thank you! Don't you know coughing hurts?
"He's awake" the person, who I can now successfully identify as Choi, announces. "Jay, if you can hear me, stay still." And then the hands are gripping my head again. What in the world is he doing?
"Can you open your eyes, kiddo?"
What's Voight doing here? Are we gonna have to go through the whole I'm-gonna-pretend-I-can't-remember-anything-so-you-stop-bugging-me thing again? I sure hope not, because I'm way too tired for that. And my head hurts. So I'm double not in the mood. Was that English? Whatever, who cares.
"Come on, buddy, wake up" Choi says again. Listen…. I love you, Choi, but you're annoying. About as annoying as Will, so if you could dial it down a notch, that'd be great.
"Open your eyes, Jay. I know you're mostly conscious."
Mostly conscious? What do you mean 'mostly conscious'?! I'm perfectly conscious, okay? I just don't wanna look at the world. Or you.
"Alright, have it your way" Choi says. "Want me to go get a needle? That'll wake you up."
What? No, no, no. No need for that. You wanna see the eyes, I'll give you the eyes.
Oh my God, the stupid lights.
Can we turn the lights on a little more? I don't think they're bright enough.
"Hi" Choi says, with a big smile plastered on his face, which is (like I said) way to close to my face. From my perspective, it kinda looks like I'm the girl of his dreams and he wants to kiss me. Which I'm sure is not what either of us are going for.
"Don't give me that look" he scoffs. "I should be the one giving you the strange look. How is it that you've managed to get yourself hurt in the middle of the ICU? Again. It must be some sort of a talent."
And now I'm choking.
Note to self: next time don't laugh.
"Sorry, bud" he apologises. "Just take some nice and deep breaths. In and out. That's it, you're okay."
"Can you open your eyes again?" Rhodes, who appeared from somewhere, asks. "I know the lights are bugging you, but we need them to work, okay?"
Alright, alright, fine.
"Good job, Jay. Can you squeeze Voight's hand?"
I can see Voight give both of them a nod when do as requested, never breaking eye contact with me.
He looks worried.
"Great. How about your toes? Can you wiggle them?" Again, I do. Aren't I being a good patient today? I deserve a prize. "Perfect. That's really good, Jay."
Rhodes glances at something behind him, before mouthing something to Choi, who nods. I'm sorry but the way he's lying above my head, resting on his elbows is still really distracting to me. May I ask what the reasoning behind this is?
"Blink once for yes, twice for no, okay?" Choi says. "Is your head hurting?"
Can I lie?
"That's a yes then. Don't bother lying to me, Jay. Won't get us anywhere. And just a friendly reminder that your boss is here."
Well that was low. He knows I respect Voight too much to lie to him. Well, most of the time…
"Is it an I'm-about-to-die headache or no?"
No.
"Good, Jay, that's really good." I am starting to get a little woozy though… "Does it hurt to breathe?"
Definitely yes.
"Okay, on a scale of one to ten, is it worse than an eight?"
Well-
"Blink, Jay, don't talk" he warns, as soon as I open my mouth to respond.
Yes.
"Okay, Jay, listen to me. Your throat is a little swollen, so I'm gonna put a small scope through your nose and into your throat to take a quick look, okay?"
Hold up, what?!
"It's gonna get a little harder to breathe for a minute, okay? There's no need to panic though, I got you" Choi says, before removing the oxygen mask from my face. He was right. It does get even harder to breathe the second the mask is gone.
Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.
Everyone's here. No need to worry.
Don't. Just don't.
I feel like something's missing though…
"I need you to keep super still, alright? No moving" he says, interrupting my thoughts just as Connor places his hands on either side of my head, where Choi's had been only seconds ago, and Voight leans over me, grabbing hold of both of my biceps simultaneously. I don't like this very much.
"This is the numbing spray" Choi announces, holding some sort of a spray bottle in front of my face for me to see. "I'm gonna spray it up your nose and in your throat, so the scope won't bother you too much, okay?"
He waits for me to blink an approval, before spraying the cold thing all the way up to my brain. Okay, this wasn't so bad.
"Now the throat. Open your mouth."
Another spritz. Oh. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. The effect of that disgusting tasting evil thing is instant. I can't swallow. Oh, god, I'm gonna choke.
Alright, time to panic.
"No, no, no, calm down. I know it feels weird, but you can breathe, I promise." Choi says, clearly very aware of my thought process.
A hand squeezes mine and looking down I can see it belongs to April. "It's okay, Jay. You're gonna be okay."
Choi produces an unpleasant-looking black tube from somewhere. "Ready?" he asks, waiting for me to give him the go ahead. "It'll only take a minute."
I mean… it's not the worst thing I've ever experienced, but… The numbing spray may have been really effective, but sadly this scope thing is still making me gag.
"You're doing really well, Jay" Rhodes says, glancing up at Choi's face. "Just try to relax, it'll make it easier."
Easier said than done.
"I'm almost done, Jay. Just a quick look around now and-"
All of a sudden there's a lot of commotion going on somewhere in my room. I scrunch up my face, looking around as much as I can, trying to figure out why everyone's freaking out, but apparently, I'm not the one making a scene. Choi's not freaking out, April's not freaking out, Voight's not freaking out (although he is glancing somewhere behind him), and Rhodes isn't freaking out either- Actually never mind, I just saw fear cross his face for a moment there.
I can hear people yelling at someone to stop doing something.
What could possibly be going on? There's no way all this noise is coming from the hallway or another room. It's way too loud.
"Where is he?! Where's Jay?!"
Will?!
Choi's P.O.V.
Of course he picks this exact moment to wake up.
I mean, this is just perfect. There's a scope halfway down Jays throat, which is already injured enough as it is, and I can tell that Jay's already picked up on what's going on.
"Where is he?!" Will yells on top of his lungs again, making Jay tense up underneath out hands.
"Everything's fine, Jay. Please, just give me 30 more seconds and we're done" I beg, though a part of me knows, I'm not gonna achieve anything. He knows and there's nothing I can do about it.
"Jay?! Is that him?! Let go of me! Let me see him!"
I can tell Jay's panicking now too.
"Get off of me!"
Oh God. Will's yelling his head off now and causing Jay, who was surprisingly compliant up till now, to freak out. This could go downhill for both of them really fast, if we don't get them to calm down. Having either one of them uninjured right now, would've been really handy…
It's a good thing the lack of oxygen is taking a toll on Jay's strength, otherwise half of us would've been supporting black eyes if not broken bones by now. Sadly, he still has enough power in him to hurt himself though. And a possible head injury, making anything we say impossible to understand.
Apparently, Connor is the first one of us to lose his temper, because a second later he's screaming at Will to stay down. Voight's trying to get Jay to look at him, whereas I'm just trying to get my job done as fast as I can, so I can hopefully allow Jay to have his moment of insanity in peace.
"What are you doing to him?!" Will's basically growling at us by now, sitting straight up and doing a very good job of trying to wiggle himself out of the nurses' grip.
"Will! Stay. Down." Rhodes warns him again, achieving absolutely nothing.
"Damn it, I can't see anything" I curse, telling Voight to make sure Jay can't move, so I can get this done and over with. I know this isn't the best way to do this, but I can tell Jay isn't paying any attention to me anymore, so I guess we're just gonna have to manhandle our way through this and hope for the best.
I mean, I could try talking to Jay, to see if I can talk some sense into him for about ten more seconds… Oh, who am I kidding, he's not gonna listen to me. Protective instincts have taken control. There's nothing we can do.
"It's okay, let him go" I yell, without as much as a glance away from Jay's face. This is going nowhere, so Will might as well try to help. If Jay calms down, maybe he will too.
A second later, Will's crawling his way towards Jay's head, leaving a bloody trail behind him.
"Jay" he gasps out as soon as he reaches us, giving Jay a sudden burst of energy. One of his hands shoots up, headed into the unknown, but probably aiming for any part of Will's body. It lands on Will's shirt (which I only now notice is cut into half), scrunching it up in a fist as if he refuses to ever let it go again. Will catches on pretty fasts and puts his hands over Jay's, squeezing back.
"It's okay, I'm here" he whispers, both of their eyes crazy with worry for one another.
Everything apart from Jay's heart monitor, which is screeching, goes dead quiet for a few seconds, as if the whole world has gone still, letting everything sink in and allowing the brothers to have their reunion.
"Are you okay now, Jay? Can I go on?" I ask, shooting Will a glare saying 'I saved you from the death grips, so you better help me keep your brother calm so I can help him'. Or, you know, something in the line of that.
Jay keeps blinking up at Will, but he seems to be calming down, so I decide not to wait for his response.
"There's some significant damage to the mucosa and his cartilage" I announce, finally pulling the scope out and sharing a look with Rhodes. "Let's intubate."
"Wait. Shouldn't we get a CT scan first? We could damage his larynx even more" Rhodes warns, not entirely happy with my plan.
"I know, but we need to secure an airway as soon as possible. His throat is already swelling up. There's no time for a tracheostomy."
He nods over to April, who's already reaching for an ET tube.
I'm starting to think Will can't quite hear any of this, otherwise he would've said something by now. Instead, he's staring in his brother's eyes, rambling comforting words, finally giving Jay exactly what he needs – his brother.
"Jay, listen to me" I say as gently as I can, giving Jay's shoulder a squeeze. "You're doing great. I need you to stay calm and focus on your breathing, okay? Your throat's damaged, so I'm gonna intubate you. I'll use a scope just like the one before."
"Aren't you gonna knock him out?!" Voight hisses quietly, probably trying not to freak Jay out, but knowing this isn't going to be very pleasant for him either.
"I can't. His larynx could collapse completely" I say, apologetically.
"Alright Jay, the scope goes through your mouth this time" I say, spraying another dose of the numbing spray in his throat before doing anything.
Halfway through the process, Will's soothing words don't seem to be doing the trick anymore, because Jay starts squirming around, trying his best to get away from me or at least get me to stop.
It's breaking my heart, but I know it's only gonna get worse if I stop. So I don't. I try to block out the tears in his eyes, until it's finally over.
"Alright, I'm in" I announce victoriously, connecting the ET tube to an ambu bag and carefully squeezing it in sync with Jay's wheezes.
"Push 200 mg of Ketamine and 10 mg of Propofol" Rhodes requests immediately, probably wanting to knock Jay out as soon as we possibly can. Endotracheal tubes aren't pleasant for anyone, let alone someone with an injured trachea… it couldn't be done fast enough. "Let's also get an arterial gas reading and then let's get him to a CT and then the OR."
As soon as the meds are in, Jay's eyelids flutter closed, making Will tense up again. Time to take care of the other brother.
"It's okay, Will, he's fine." I say, gently pealing his fingers off of Jay's. "Go with Nat."
"No, I need to be with him" he argues, trying to bat my hands off.
"Will, go" I warn. "I'll take care of him. I promise."
To my surprise, Voight's the one who steps in, dragging a kicking and screaming Will to his feet.
"No! Don't touch me! I need to be with him! I have to help!"
Voight manages to pull him a few feet away, before Will's screams turn into barely understandable slurs.
"Will?" I ask, noticing the white sheen on his skin, before his eyes roll back and he collapses.
Oh come on, not you too.
Rhodes's P.O.V.
I might quit my job after today.
I can deal with scared patients. I can deal with crazy patients. I can deal with annoying patients. I can deal with scared, crazy and annoying relatives. I can even deal with missing limbs or a ticking bomb in my hands. I can deal with a lot of things. Two injured Halsteads at the same time though… absolutely not.
I've been taking the longest time getting from recovery to the waiting room. No, not because I'm extremely tired (which I am) and couldn't possibly walk faster (which I could). Simply because I know that I'm gonna get eaten alive by team Jay and team Will the second I walk through those doors.
I could use a pep talk right now.
No? No one's available? Okay then, I guess I'll just give one to myself. Alright, Connor, you can do this! May the odds be ever in your favour.
Okay… good talk.
Here we go.
"Hi, guys-" aaand it's only been about 2.5 seconds and everyone's already yelling. I wonder how long it's gonna take them to realise, I can't actually answer any of their questions unless I can hear them. No worries though, I have time.
It takes them about a minute to stop. Or at least dial it down a little bit. "Are you gonna let me talk now?" I say, unable to help but laugh at their worried/horrified/angry expressions.
"They're gonna be okay. Both of them." Cue the exhales and cheers. Now that is a sound I like to hear. Let me give myself a pat on the back. "Who should I start with?"
Right, another stupid question… Cue the second course of yelling over each other.
"Alright, alright stop" I say, sending an apologetic look to my colleagues. Since they're the medical personnel they might be a little tiny bit more patient then the particular group of detectives standing dangerously close to my face (giving me the death stare in case you were wondering). Plus, they've probably snooped out at least some information from the nurses by now, so…
"Jay first. As you know, the guy" I restrain myself from adding who shall not be named "crushed his trachea, which is why Jay was having trouble breathing before. The CT scan showed significant damage to the cartilage and mucosa in his trachea, which is why we needed to go in surgically to repair the damage. We thought we were going to have to put in a stent to help support his larynx, but we-"
"A what? You lost me" Adam interrupts me, probably voicing everyone else's thoughts if their confused looks are anything to go by.
"A stent is a piece of silicone, which would help hold everything in place until it healed." I receive a few nods, so I continue. "Anyway, the damage was actually less severe than we first thought, so we decided against using the stent."
"Okay… I'm guessing that's a good thing" Antonio pitches in. "So that means it's fixed?"
"Well, we did manage to put everything back together surgically, but Jay's throat's extremely swollen and still needs the support, which is why he's intubated." Cue the classic round of curses. "The tube should stay in for about two to three weeks and even after that he's gonna have to take it easy for a while."
"Huh" Al huffs "good luck with that."
Trust me, Al, I know.
"His sats were a little low, so we put him on humidified oxygen, which should help reduce the crust formation too. And we're keeping him on a broad spectrum of antibiotics to avoid any infections. He also has a neck brace on to take pressure of his airway, which, and I can't stress this enough, he cannot take off for at least a week or two, got it? Under no circumstance." Antonio opens his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. "I know, I know, he's not a fan of neck braces, but we're keeping him sedated for at least a few days, to keep him comfortable, so it shouldn't bother him too much. As for when we wake him up… well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
The room is silent for a few moments before Voight speaks up. "His head?"
Now that's the part that gets a little tricky… We all know Jay can't stay in a hospital bed for more than a day to save his life (unless he's either knocked out halfway dead). Well, to be honest, even getting him into a hospital bed is a process to begin with.
Now, Jay with a head injury… is a whole nother story. Jay with a head injury will not listen to anything you say, and you will not be able to keep him still no matter what you do.
"We can't say for sure… at least not until we wake him up. The CT scan showed a little swelling, but there's no other injury as far as we can tell." This time it's Kevin's time to open his mouth to try and say something. "And, before you ask, no, he's not alone. Choi's been with him the whole time, so don't worry."
The next slightly uncomfortable pause is interrupted by Natalie whispering the name of the other brother.
"Well, as you know, the bullet hit his shoulder. It was a through and through, but it hit the artery. That's why it was bleeding so much. We repaired all the damage in surgery, and with a bit of physical therapy we expect him to regain full mobility and function back."
I notice every member of team Will is either looking at their feet or trying to avoid my look at all cost, which can only mean that they already know this was the good part of the update. Team Jay on the other hand, is so far pretty clueless.
"His head though… is a bit more of a concern. The CT scan showed quite a bit of swelling, so we put in an ICP monitor to keep an eye on it. If the swelling doesn't go down in the next 24 hours or if it increases…" Am I really too choked up about this to even say it? For God's sake, Connor, it's surgery, not a death sentence. "Well, we're not there yet. We're just gonna have to keep a close eye on him."
Now's the time for the whole police department to stare at me as if they'd just seen a ghost.
"Is he on a vent?" Nat whispers, trying to wipe the tears of her cheeks without anyone noticing. Poor Nat…
"Yes. We're keeping him in an induced coma for a couple of days, to see how it goes. We'll know more after the first 24 hours and go from there."
"Okay."
The end of my report is met with deafening silence. Time for me to give a pep talk. Again.
"I know it's a lot to take in… Given the circumstances, it could've been a lot worse. I won't say the next few weeks are gonna be easy, but we'll just have to take it one day at a time and just be there for them. Especially since these two are each other's best support system, and well…"
The 'they are currently one more broken than the other' goes unsaid.
"Like I said, neither of them is gonna be awake for a while, but we thought it would be best to keep them in the same room for when they do wake up. At least until they drive each other crazy." That comment earns me a couple of laughs. "And try not to be intimidated by all of the equipment… it's all there to help them."
I can sense that everyone's getting impatient, so I decide to wrap it up for the night and finally let everyone see them. Well, maybe not everyone…
"Since they're both in the same room, only two of you can go in…"
Oh my. We are officially yelling for the third time. I swear to you, it looks like World War III just erupted in the middle of Chicago Med.
Alright, I survived, so that's my cue to leave… I still might quit my job though.
Will's P.O.V.
It turns out that my brain didn't turn into a smoothie, which is good. And neither did Jay's, which is also good.
I've been told that both of us decided to give everyone quite a scare that day, not that I actually remember any of it. The last thing I remember is looking into my brother's furious eyes from the comfort of a chokehold, and then a whole bunch of nothing until about a week ago, when my body decided to return to the land of the living.
I was later told that it had already been 10 days since the incident, but I spent most of those days ignoring everybody. Including myself.
There was a brief moment of lucidity, caused by a certain freak out episode from my brother, who was at that time somewhere in the process of waking up from his own drug induced sleep. Apparently, he was not a fan of either the neck brace or the ET tube. Probably both. I know, shocker.
At that time, I was still deeply unconscious, but the sound of my brother choking, and his heart racing brought me back just enough for me to get all worked up as well. Hence receiving another dose of sedation, followed by 4 more days of sleeping. That was a week ago.
Leave it to the Halstead brothers to cause a scene. I'm sorry, that's just what we do.
And so, here we are.
Weeks after saving Jay for the first time, only to have to save him all over again, me (of course) deciding to have my own five minutes of glory and joining him somewhere in the process.
Due to my beauty sleep, I missed most of what I've been told were the worst three weeks of Jay's life. He spent the first week of it asleep, just like me, but the other two weeks were a constant battle between gagging, feeling the urge to cough, not actually being able to cough, getting out of sync with the vent, spiralling down into the depths of a panic attack, not being able to calm down, and so on. And then he would repeat the whole process. Over and over again.
I feel bad for not being there for him. Or, actually, I felt bad. Past tense. Until about 2 hours after I woke up. And then he started annoying me, so now, I've been trying really hard to keep myself from strangling him. I should probably give his throat a bit of time to recover before I do, right? Yeah, I thought so.
I'm really enjoying myself at the moment, because Jay's currently in surgery, which means alone time for me. Thank goodness. He's finally getting the ET tube removed. Hopefully. Extubation doesn't normally require surgery, but Choi wanted to take a look at Jay's trachea again, before actually taking the tube out, just in case it hasn't healed enough yet… Hopefully he can take that thing out, so Jay can stop being so miserable all the time. And so I don't have to keep trying to decode what his flailing hands mean every time he tries to tell me something. Everyone else didn't seem to have such a hard time, but for some odd reason, Jay only wanted to talk to me, and given the fact, that both of us have very short tempers… trust me, it was annoying.
Let's just enjoy the peace and quiet before Mr. Loud returns-
Are you freaking kidding me? Please tell me that's not Choi I can hear, walking down the hallway. Come on, he literally came to get Jay like an hour ago.
"Look who's baaack" April sings, pushing Jay's bed through the doorway.
I allow myself a brief concerned brother moment and give him a once over. He looks about the same as when they took him away – except for the tube. His bed is elevated at a 45 degree angle and the tube was swapped for an oxygen mask. His eyes look a bit drugged, but other than that, he's unharmed. Oh and the neck brace is gone too. Thank god, no need for him to be cranky anymore.
"He did great, didn't you?" April says, carefully getting Jay settled in, before turning the lights down a bit. "We gave him a little more medicine to help him sleep… You should try and get some rest too."
And then it's just the three of us. Me, Jay and the sound of Jay's snores. Great.
Two hours later only two of us are left. Can you guess which two?
No, I haven't strangled Jay yet, but I might. Very soon. I was woken up by something hitting me in the face about 15 minutes ago.
I decided to ignore it.
And then another object came flying, hitting me in the chest.
And I ignored it.
And then another one came flying. And another. And another. And now I'm really, really, really close to losing my mind and killing whoever left that many objects within my brother's reach. Have we not learned yet that he's like a child whenever he wakes up from anaesthesia?
"For God's sake, will you stop throwing things at me?!" I finally yell as another object hits me in the face. This time it was tissue. Not sure where he even got one, but that's what it was. A scrunched up wet tissue.
You have to give me points for putting up with him for this long…
"Quit it!"
That was a straw. Which I'm sure Jay has licked sometime in the last two hours. Awsome.
Can you guess what comes flying right after the straw? A cup! And yes, it still has a bit of water in it! Well, it doesn't anymore, because now the water is spilled all over my face. But you get the point.
"For the love of God, Jay, if you don't stop it right now, I'm gonna get up and walk over there just so I can strangle you myself."
And then another object comes flying.
Come on, we didn't seriously think he was gonna stop, did we? I mean, he's Jay…
"Stoooop" I whine at the same exact time as Choi walks through the door. "Yes! My saviour!" I yell, startling Ethan and making him stop dead in his place. "He keeps throwing things at meeeee."
Is he laughing? Oh my God, he's laughing at me! This is not funny. It's not.
"How are you feeling, Jay?" he asks, stepping close to my brother, carefully examining his neck. I should really use this time to zone out and enjoy the no flying zone… but my brotherly instincts are telling me to pay attention to how Jay's doing. So, naturally, I do. Because I'm the good brother.
"Everything seems to be doing well, Jay. That's great" Choi says, adjusting one of Jay's IVs. "Do you need anything?"
Jay carefully shakes his head and gives Choi one of his angel smiles. That little brat… and I wonder why nobody believes me when I tell them how annoying he is…
"Now remember, Jay. You're on voice rest, which means no talking." Choi says, making sure to exaggerate the last two words as much as possible. "Got it?" Jay's mouth is already open as if he's about to say something. "Hush. You can use the tablet if you wanna say something, okay?"
Another innocent smile. I'm gonna put an end to this.
"Hey, Choi, have you had a chance to grant my wish..." I say, trailing off. I've asked to be put in a different room yesterday, because I couldn't take it anymore. "Choi" I deadpan when he doesn't answer me.
Is he really ignoring me? Oh my God, it's a sabotage. They've planned this. They're trying to get rid of me, by making me go crazy. This is insanity!
"Alright, Jay, I'm gonna be back to check on you in a few hours" Choi says, getting ready to leave. "As for you, Will, enjoy your stay and… that" he says with an evil grin, making a circling motion in Jay's direction. He's already halfway through the door, when he turns around and mouths good luck to me.
If only looks could kill…
Okay, Will, just close your eyes and take some deep breaths. He'll fall asleep eventually and you'll be able to-
"Wi- ll" he rasps out, tipping my patience over the edge.
"Argh! What, Jay?! What?! Ethan literally left two seconds ago, so what could you possibly want?" I glare at him, trying my best to demonstrate exactly how annoyed I am.
He gives me the most ridiculous grin I've ever seen in my life, before responding. "Pop- s- cle."
Is he kidding me?
He has to be kidding me.
I could scream right now. I really could. Annoying little brother causes the death of one of Chicago's finest doctors. I can already see the headline, can't you? What…? Stop judging me. It could happen…
Alright, Will, let's take a deep breath. Injured miserable little brother needs consulting.
"Your throat hurts?" I ask in the nicest way possible as if I were talking to a five-year-old girl… or, you know, my adult brother.
He makes the cutest pouting face that would break anyone's heart (let alone mine) and nods. It's a good thing I'm eternally annoyed with him, otherwise he would've won me over in a second. "Well then stop talking!"
Oh God, now he's giving me the puppy dog eyes. Come on! In what universe is this fair?!
You know what, he can do that all he wants, but I'm a Halstead, which means I'm just as stubborn as he is. I'll never cave!
"Don't you dare give me that look…" Do you see why I'm comparing him to a five-year-old girl now? "And no, I am not getting you a popsicle this time. They're cursed."
The end. (For real this time.)
Did we do it? I think we did! Pat on the back to all of us for making it through this.
One eternity later, we are officially done! Man, this story took me a while to write. And to think this was gonna be a one-shot at first XD I'm so sorry, apparently I suck at keeping things short. (Including my author's notes a.k.a. infinite rants about life.) I hope you got used to it by now. I also love how the description of this story still says that there's 'nothing too cruel for now' and I'm over here, torturing Jay shamelessly chapter after chapter XD Oops, my bad.
Well, as much as I enjoyed pretending that there was a desert right next to Chicago, all things must come to an end. I hope you enjoyed how everything played out, even though you had to experience two of the most embarrassing breaks in the history of unplanned breaks form posting. The way I keep getting carried away whenever I write these chapters is so fascinating to me. I never plan ahead. I just have the general idea, sit down (or more likely daydream about it in school) and write. Whatever happens, happens XD In this case, I wanted to write something about heat stroke, so I was going to have the team go to some sort of a fundraiser, where Jay would totally overdo it and eventually lose the battle against the Sun. And look where we are now XD No sign of a fundraiser anywhere! Oh well… I hope you liked the ending and the fact there was no cliff-hanger this time. I know some of you don't particularly love them, so maybe I'll try to ease off of them a little bit :) I have to warn you though. I'm a horrible adrenaline junkie, who may or may not be sort of addicted to them (which I'm sure you've noticed), so, sit back, relax and watch me break my promise in the next chapter XD
As usual, I would really appreciate your reviews (as does everybody else, but still). I'd say I hope it was worth the wait, but this long brake was way too embarrassing, so I'm just not gonna say that. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed :)
This year has been quite a lot, and judging by the people I love and myself, it's taking a toll on some of us. Or at least adding to the equation of stress. There are definitely times, when I feel like there's no one I could talk to, so if any of you are ever having a hard time about literally anything and need someone to talk to (or are having a wonderful time and just feel like talking), please don't hesitate to message me. You're not alone 3 Even if I don't really know you, I do care about you.
Stay safe and healthy, and remember – the world's still turning, the elections are finally over (for those of you who are from the states), we're not extinct yet, so… we're doing quite decent. It's not easy, but it could be worse, right? Be smart, try to be as safe as you can be and don't lose your mind over the stupidity of others. We got this!
Love, N
PS: (TINY SPOILER ALERT) I sort of hinted that I had a surprise coming, and some of you guessed it :) You've been asking for an injured Will story for a while now, and I promised I'd write it, so that's what the next chapter's gonna be. I know I already accidentally hurt him in this story, but the next story's mainly gonna focus on Will being the one halfway dead. (Dear Jay, I apologise in advance for what I'm about to do to you emotionally. Sorry not sorry XD) I've had some of it written for months and I am SOOO freaking excited for what I've come up with! Can you tell? XD I had to finish writing this story first, so everything kind of got postponed… believe it or not, that means that it might not me take forever to post it. Well… actually, never mind. The next few months of school are probably going to be horrific, and I suck at posting regularly, so I'm not making any promises, except that I'll try my best. (When I say I have some of it written I literally mean like a thousand words or something like that, so… we still have ways to go.) Let's hope that the Sun still exists by the time I finish XD
PS2: This story is now posted on AO3 too (under the same title), in case you prefer that platform :) I know some of you do, so the least I could do was listen to you and post it there too. See you over there :)
PS3: Just a little medical disclaimer – the treatment of Jay's neck injury is medically inaccurate. (Not that all of the other things I write are totally accurate, but still. Normally, I try to be at least somewhat accurate, but in this case, I can assure you the treatment is at least partially wrong, because I purposely wrote it that way.). I did quite a bit of research on neck injuries (meaning, I'd probably look really suspicious if someone saw my google search history XD) and I found that patients, who can't protect their airway because of any sort of (drastic) neck injuries, should never be intubated by an ET tube (the one that goes through their mouth), because that could actually injure them even more. Instead, doctors usually perform a tracheostomy (the breathing tube that goes directly through the patient's neck), which is apparently much safer, and they usually need to use a stent to help fix everything. Then again, I could obviously be very wrong, because clearly google isn't perfect XD For some odd reason, I didn't feel like including that… (It hit a bit too close to home right now, because my cousin had to have a tracheostomy, and yeah… I didn't quite feel like writing about it too.) Anyway, I just thought I should mention it… so if anyone's looking for accurate medical procedures, that was not it. (To be fair though, this whole website in general shouldn't be your source of information for those sorts of things.) And I apologise to those of you who are actual professionals in the medical field if the incorrect treatment annoyed you.
PS4: This chapter has 11 111 words XD