Thank you to ItsJustBecca, Pharmergirl, decadenceofmysoul, and monkeybaby. Your reviews are great. Thanks to everyone else for reading. Also just so you know this story officially has more reviews than any other story I've ever posted. So thanks for that.
Contains references to and scenes from 3x9 and 3x10.
It was a normal Thursday, Danny, Jamie, Frank, and Anna were all working, Erin had rearranged her schedule to pick up the boys and take them for a bike ride in Brooklyn with Nicky, and Linda had taken the afternoon to have a girls' day with a couple friends. Anna had just stepped behind the counter to put an order in with the cook when her phone buzzed. Anna put the order in and had decided to ignore the text when Joe's voice in her head told her not to. She stepped behind the cash register, slid her phone from her pocket and found the text from Nicky. 'Sean, 911. Call me ASAP!' was what it read. Anna looked around and saw no one needing her attention so she slipped into the back and called Nicky.
"There's been an accident." Those were the first words out of Nicky's mouth when she picked up and dread formed in the pit of Anna's stomach.
"An accident? What do you mean" Anna asked.
"We were biking in Brooklyn with Mom between the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges when this guy rounded the corner from out of nowhere on one of those racing bikes. He must have clipped Sean's back tire because Sean fell and hit his head. He had his helmet on but I don't know, Anna. I think it's bad."
"Where? What hospital?" Anna demanded.
"St. Benjamin's in Brooklyn. Peds ICU, room 1204."
"Be there soon." Anna hung up.
"But how—Anna? Hello?" Nicky asked.
Anna shoved her phone into her back pocket, pulled off her apron and walked back out to the dining area. She instantly spotted Raelynn making a fresh pot of coffee. "Cover me? Don't know when I'll be back," Anna said.
"But—" Raelynn started. Anna just dropped her order pad and apron on the counter, grabbed her coat from under it, pulled her keys from the pocket and rushed outside. Not caring one bit that what she was about to do was illegal and could get her a ticket, fine, and probably being grounded, she punched St. Benjamin's into her phone's maps app and drove not paying much attention to anything other than her speed and the GPS. Finally she made her way inside the hospital and up to the Pediatric ICU. She turned the corner looking at room signs and heard her name. Turning to the sound she found her brother, aunt, and cousin standing outside a room at the end of the hall. Anna picked up her speed as Jack raced to her. She caught him in a hug about halfway down the hallway.
"He's going to be okay, Jack," Anna said more confidently than she felt.
"How do you know?" Jack asked. Just those four small words and Anna knew exactly how scared he was.
"Because he's our stubborn little brother and he's a Reagan. Reagans are notoriously hard headed. Remember Pops? All he got was a small cut and he was smashed over the head with a pistol."
"You believe God isn't going to—"
Anna swallowed hard. "I don't think Uncle Joe would let him. He's only 9, Jack. He's got a hundred years left to terrorize us before he leaves this planet. Now, I'm going to go check on him, you keep an eye out for Mom and Dad." She tipped his chin up so he'd look at her. "He's going to be fine," she insisted. Jack nodded and let go of his sister. They both walked back to Erin and Nicky down the hall.
"How'd you get here so fast?" Nicky asked.
"Tell you the same thing I'm going to tell everyone else, you don't ask, I won't tell, and none of us will get into trouble. Has a doctor been by?" Anna answered.
"Not since he came back from the MRI, just some nurses," Erin said.
"Okay." Anna moved to go around Erin but she stepped in the way. "Please, Aunt Erin. That is my nine-year-old little brother. If that were Jamie or Joe, you wouldn't let anyone stop you, except maybe your father." She did her best to keep her tone light and not pushy. It could completely backfire. "At least until my parents get here, let me be with my little brother."
"Mom, could it really hurt?" Nicky asked. Erin looked from her niece to her daughter and back then sighed and slid out of the way.
"Thank you." Anna slipped into the room and took a seat by her brother's bed trying to keep the tears at bay. He looked so small in that bed. Almost as small as he looked the first time she had held him. Just longer than her arm and under nine pounds. Anna took a deep breath and slowly let it out as a nurse came in to check the machine by his bedside. "Excuse me," she said softly as not to startle the woman.
"Yes?" the nurse asked, turning towards her.
"Can you—can you tell me what's wrong with my brother?"
She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but you should talk to his doctor."
"Can't you just tell me, please? He's my baby brother. I've been looking out for him since the day he was born, I have to know."
The nurse looked at her, back down at the chart, then felt bad. "Alright. He has head trauma from where he fell off his bicycle. It's causing his brain to swell. I can't tell you anymore without talking to his doctor and without your parents here," the nurse said as gently as possible.
"Thank you." Anna didn't know how long she sat there staring at her brother until she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was gentle and she knew it meant to be comforting but at the moment, it didn't feel that way. Not even accompanied by that voice.
"Sweetie," Linda said.
"Mama, is he going to be okay?" Anna asked, quickly glancing to make sure Jack wasn't next her but refusing to look at her mom's face.
Linda shifted a bit to see her daughter's face. When she did, she saw tears in the corners of those big brown eyes and couldn't lie. "I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know? You're a nurse," Anna snapped.
Linda kept her voice low and steady trying to give the girl as much comfort and support as she could. "I haven't spoken with his doctor. I just got here."
"The nurse that was just in here, she said his brain is swelling. His head ... it can't—it—"
"Sweetheart," Linda said firmly. "I know this is hard for you. I know how much you love your little brother and would give anything so that you could be in that bed instead, trust me, I know that. I don't know anything until I talk to the doctors but your brain isn't like a balloon or like cartoons. Your head can't explode like that. I need you to stay positive for Jack. He's scared and needs his big sister to help him. Why don't you go sit with him for a while?"
"I can't leave Sean. What if—" Anna wiped away tears and left the sentence hanging.
"Okay, I won't make you go, but nothing is going to happen. He's in good hands," Linda assured her daughter.
Anna pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes. She finally looked out the window behind her and saw the family minus Danny and Frank in the hallway. Then Jack took off down the hallway like he had when he had first seen her. Anna stared in confusion until Jack came back with Danny. "Dad's here," she said softly.
"I'll be right back," Linda said. She kissed the top of Anna's head and left the room. Anna turned back to her baby brother. She wasn't sure if she was praying for him to be okay but she was hoping. After everything that had happened in the past year, on top of everything else, she wasn't sure she still believed. In fact she hadn't been truly Catholic since Joe had died so soon after her grandmother. Anna looked around then scooted her chair up to the bed and took one of his hands in hers.
"You gotta be okay, bubby. We need you to be okay. I'm so sorry. Maybe if I had spent more time with you ... I should have been there today. I took an extra shift because of Christmas, you know, the toys you want aren't cheap, but that's no excuse. I'm so sorry, Sean. I am so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me but I'm gonna do better. You can't leave me, okay?" Anna said sniffling. "Just get better and I'll make everything up to you. I promise."
It wasn't long before the door opened again and a few nurses came in. "Ms. Reagan, we're going to take your brother for another MRI. Hopefully that'll tell us more and we can update you. Why don't you go be with your family and we'll let you know when you can see him again. It shouldn't be too long," a nurse said. Anna contemplated her words and knew if she argued, her parents would be on her so she stood, shoved the chair back then kissed his forehead.
"Don't you go anywhere. You come back, okay?" Anna told him. "Keep him safe," Anna muttered to the ceiling hoping Joe could hear her and he'd listen. She let go of Sean's hand, grabbed her bag and walked outside. Linda instantly wrapped her in a hug. "Is he going to be okay?"
"They'll have a better idea once they get the results back from the MRI. Like the nurse told you, his doctor says there is some swelling and at the moment any treatment could make it worse. She said it could be through the night before we know anything definitive. When's the last time you ate?" Linda asked, pressing a hand to Anna's forehead.
"Lunch," Anna said.
Linda looked towards the clock at the end of the hall then at her watch. "Take Jack, go to the cafeteria and get something to eat."
"Can we stay here tonight?" Anna asked, glancing between her parents.
"We'll think about it, now go eat," Danny said.
Anna sighed but took her brother's hand. "I'll come with," Nicky said. They got their food and took seats. "You don't think Uncle Danny blames Mom, do you?"
"It was an accident. Sometimes things like this just happen," Anna answered, nibbling on a cracker. She couldn't really bring herself to eat.
"Anna, what's a diffuse cerebral edema?" Jack asked. Anna's gaze shot over to him. "That's what the doctor said Sean had."
Anna pulled out her phone and searched for the term. Six pages later she found the answer. "Edema means swelling. Like when you get a bruise or black eye and it swells up. Cerebral has to do with the brain, and diffuse means non-specific. So essentially it's like his whole brain is swelling."
"Will it ..." Jack stopped and looked down. "Explode? Like in that cartoon?" Jack whispered.
"Mom says it can't happen. According to this when the brain suffers trauma from a fall, it starts bleeding and suffocating the surrounding cells. When things get suffocated—"
"They die," he whispered in horror.
Anna swallowed, realizing what she had just done. "Jack, he's going to be fine. We're talking about the indestructible Sean. The boy that jumped from the couch in Grampa's living room, over the coffee table to Grampa's favorite chair, caused it to go sliding out from under him and walked away without hurting himself. The boy who fell down the stairs four times without a scratch. He's going to be fine." Anna insisted.
Jack nodded and didn't say another word. When he went to dump his trash Nicky turned to her. "You don't believe that for a second do you?"
"I hope and that has to be good enough, for Jack's sake," Anna answered softly, keeping her eyes on Jack.
"He's going to be fine," Nicky insisted. Anna swallowed but nodded. Jack came back over and they went upstairs. They found everyone still waiting.
"Any update?" Anna asked. Danny shook his head so Anna guided Jack to sit on the bench next to his Mom while she paced back and forth until the doctor came back. "Doc, how's my brother?" she asked. Everyone turned to look.
"Unfortunately the MRI was no clearer this time than it was last time. We'll give it 24 hours then we should know something," the doctor answered.
"24 hours? You ran two MRI's and a CAT scan. How can you not know anything?" Anna snapped.
Danny wrapped an arm around his daughter but didn't scold her. Linda on the other hand, did. "Sometimes with brain injuries, it's difficult to give a timeline. Each injury is different and each brain heals differently," the doctor explained as simply as she could.
"So we wait?" Anna asked.
Danny gave her a squeeze and she tried to calm down. The doctor went on. "I'm sorry, that's all you can do."
"Thank you," Linda said. The doctor nodded and left. "Anna, why don't you and Jack go home with Pops and someone will be by in the morning to take you two to school."
"But Mom!" Anna protested.
Linda held up a hand. "There is very little chance of any change overnight. I will call you if anything does change but until it does the two of you need your sleep and then you have school in the morning."
"Mom!" Anna claimed outraged. Danny's grip tightened on his daughter's shoulder. He knew she was having a hard time with this but she really did need sleep and not to stay up worrying all night. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that she would be up worrying no matter where she was.
"Anna, your mom's right. At least try to sleep. The faster you get to sleep, the sooner morning will be here," Danny said gently. Anna sighed then turned back to her mom.
"If we can't stay, can I at least drive Jack home?" Anna asked.
"How would you ... You drove here from Staten Island?" Linda asked in disbelief.
"That is my baby broth—" Anna started loudly.
"Anna," Jamie cut her off sharply.
Anna pulled away from her dad to look at her uncle then took a deep breath and slowly let it out. This time she spoke softly but just as desperately. "That is my baby brother, I couldn't wait."
"Go to Grandpa's. We'll talk about you going home in the morning," Linda told her.
Anna swallowed, knowing she was probably in trouble. She turned to Jamie but he made no move to comfort her. That in itself hurt more than it should have. To prevent herself from crying, Anna stared down at her shoes. It didn't take long before she was wrapped in a hug but it wasn't from Jamie. Danny wrapped his daughter in a hug knowing how tough this was for her. On one hand, she had to be tough to keep her brother's spirits up and not scare him but on the other hand, she was still a kid and very scared that something bad was going to happen. "It's going to be okay. Look after your brother and I'll see you tomorrow," Danny told her. Anna nodded against him, holding tightly as she collected herself. When he was sure she was okay he passed her to her mom and hugged his son.
"You can see Sean after school tomorrow. I promise and I'll think about letting you stay over the weekend," Linda said. She smoothed her hand through Anna's hair then kissed the top of her head.
Both Anna and Jack changed into more comfortable clothes when they got back to the Reagan homestead. Jack pulled some of his dad's old clothes from his dresser and Anna had brought her gym bag. After Jack was in bed, Anna walked down to the family photos in the living room under the window. She ran a hand over each one pausing over one of her, Jack, and Sean, their arms wrapped around each other, smiles pasted on their faces. It had been taken last summer in the backyard at Frank's place. The longer she stared at it the more the lump in her throat came back. She walked over to the piano in the corner and sat down. Henry looked up from his paper wondering what she was up to. She hadn't touched the piano since May 17, 2009. The day of Joe's funeral. She had played his favorite song, As Time Goes By, and hadn't touched the piano since. He watched her quietly hoping she would play again but wondered what it meant if she did. Anna ran her hand over the fall-board remembering all the times she had sat here with Henry and he guided her fingers across the ivory keys. She lifted the fall-board and gently touched the keys underneath. Her fingers began to glide across the keys with no specific tune in mind. Not until she realized she was playing Sean's favorite lullaby. Her fingers had stopped moving when Henry sat down next to her.
"Haven't heard you play in a while," he said softly. He knew she was going through a tough time and didn't want to make it worse.
"Haven't felt like playing since Joe's funeral. Any time he saw me playing or even in the room he'd quote Casablanca. It's a dumb movie."
"You're only saying that because he liked it so much."
"If you say so."
"Everyone loves hearing you play."
"Just no one loves hearing me sing." Anna smirked and Henry smiled. She was one of the few in the family that couldn't sing worth a darn.
"Not everybody can. Sean's favorite lullaby?" Henry asked, changing the subject.
"That's my baby brother. Did you have any brothers?" Anna asked. She didn't give him a chance to respond. "I just ... I can't lose him. For the longest time I've always been told that it's my job to protect my brothers. I failed, Grandpa. I should have been there. I could have—"
"Anna," Henry stopped her, "You were working. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing you can do now but pray."
"Because He can hear us?" Anna snapped.
"He can always hear us, why do you think He can't?"
"Maybe He can, maybe He just doesn't care. Do you know what Saturday is?"
"December 15. Ten days until Christmas."
"Three years, six months exactly since Uncle Joe died." Henry nodded but wasn't sure what she meant by that. "And three years, seven months, and one day before that, Grandma Mary died and three years, eight months, and 12 days before that Grandma Betty. Twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. Isn't that what you've always told me?"
"But it hasn't happened three times."
"Yet."
Henry sighed. "Is that why you think He doesn't care?"
"Partially."
"He cares, Anna."
"Then why is He putting us through hell?"
"That's not what's happening."
"Let me guess, it's like what the priest said when Grandma Mary died. Bad things happen because there is sin in the world caused by the devil and free will and we should seek comfort in the Lord's love and His plan instead of blaming Him? It's good in theory, but it doesn't feel like He loves me."
"I know."
"Pop?" Frank asked, coming through the front door.
"Shhhh," Anna chided. "Jack's asleep."
Henry looked at her as Frank entered the room. "Anna? You drive here?"
"You going to report me? That's my baby brother in the hospital. I couldn't wait for someone to come get me. And Jack's upstairs. Mom wouldn't let us stay at the hospital overnight. They don't know any more than they did this afternoon but I've done some reading. Swelling in the brain isn't good for anyone," Ann answered.
"Not everything you read on the internet is true. Why don't you go up to bed? The sooner you get to sleep the sooner it'll be morning," Henry said.
"That's not true. Morning will get here just as fast whether I go to sleep or not. I have no effect on the passage of time, it just feels like it moves faster because you don't notice time passing while you're asleep." Anna shook her head. "I'll go to bed, but I won't be sleeping."
Anna hugged her great-grandfather and when she moved towards the stairs Frank wrapped her in a hug. "He's going to be fine."
"You don't know that for sure."
"I believe it and for me, that's enough," Frank told her. Anna leaned into the hug and tried to relish it but nothing was making her feel better. The only thing that could do that was her brother waking up.