Just want to say thank you to decadenceofmysoul, monkeybaby, and the guest tennisplayer1 for your reviews of the last chapter, and a big thank you to the guest Alex for the three chapters they reviewed. A minor side note to Alex, that really was all Jamie. He would love her just the same if she does have problems but like you said, he doesn't want to push her away and isn't sure how far to go to get her to talk to him. On top of that, Anna was just looking for a way to push him, mostly because of what she admitted to Jim and the therapist. She's scared and she's trying to deal.

Contains scenes from 3x10 and a deleted scene from 3x10

Anna was more than ready when school let out for the day, but halfway to Jack's school, fear and doubt crept into her head. What if something bad had happened to Sean? What if she got to the hospital and they told her that Sean had—she couldn't even think the word. Losing her baby brother would kill her. Her stomach was in her throat as her heart hammered in her chest. She could barely breathe at that thought. Sean not being okay was a tough pill to swallow. She was the oldest; she was supposed to go first. Then there was Jack. Any time she thought of him, Sean wasn't far behind. How would he fare without his built-in playmate? The one who was brave enough, or dumb enough, to fearlessly try out all of Jack's plans. The one that would never say no or that something was too difficult. He was always up for everything. Anna realized then that as much as she griped about having two little brothers, she wouldn't be able to lose either one.

"Anna?" Jack asked, fear creeping into his tone as he touched his sister's arm. Anna gasped and wiped her eyes then pasted on a smile. She hadn't realized that she had made it to his school so fast.

"Hey, Jack," she smiled.

"Have you talked to Mom?" Jack asked.

"She wouldn't tell me anything," Anna answered, trying to keep her voice strong and reassuring.

"What if he's—"

"There's Uncle Jamie," Anna cut him off. He looked around then spotted Jamie's car on the curb. "Come on. He'll take us to the hospital."

"But—" Jack started. Anna was already walking towards the car and not listening to Jack. He sighed as he followed her. Reaching the hospital, Jack's mood changed instantly. It was all he could do to keep his excitement in check and not race up to Sean's room. Anna, on the other hand, drug her feet and tried to prolong the not knowing. The longer she could hold out from finding out, the more she could hope that he was okay. Everything would be normal and fine so long as she didn't find out how he was. If she didn't know then she could pretend he was okay and didn't have to face the reality that she might have to attend a funeral shortly. Jack took her hand as they entered the hospital from the garage and used all his strength to drag her to the elevator. Apparently she wasn't moving fast enough for him. Anna looked up at Jamie but he just slung an arm around her shoulders and helped Jack move her along. The elevator dinged along one floor at a time and Jack rocked back and forth on his heels impatiently waiting for it to get to their level. It landed on their floor and Anna set her weight and grip to keep Jack from racing into it and possibly other people. Luckily, it was empty so Jamie moved them into it and noticed Jack was already mashing the button for Sean's floor.

"Relax, kiddo," Jamie said.

"What if you're walking into bad news, Jack?" Anna asked.

"It can't be. If something happened to Sean, I'd know it," Jack answered. Anna looked at him skeptically. "I would, Anna. And you would feel it. Just like you did with Uncle Joe. You didn't sleep that entire night, remember?"

"I didn't—"

"They didn't tell us till the next morning. So, how do you feel?" Jack asked.

"Peaceful, calm, not angry." Anna shook her head.

"Upset?"

"No."

"So he's fine."

"Uncle Jamie?" Both of Danny's kids turned to their uncle.

"We'll be at Sean's room in a few moments, you'll have the answer then," Jamie answered cryptically. Anna and Jack sighed but didn't argue. The elevator came to a stop allowing them to approach Sean's room. Jack rushed as fast as he could but still stayed in Jamie's sightline even though Anna continued to drag her feet.

"Hurry up," Jack insisted.

Anna glared at her brother as she felt Jamie's grip push her along. Jack waited as patiently as he could at the corner of the hallways and it was all Jamie could do not to rush Anna along. They were within five feet of Jack when he looked around the corner then bolted down the hallway. "Jack!" Jamie called after him.

"He probably saw Mom," Anna said. Jamie nodded. They were a few steps from Sean's room when Anna closed her eyes, relying on Jamie not to run her into a wall or the doorway. They came to a stop but Anna couldn't open her eyes. Deep in the back of her mind, she knew that if something bad had happened, they'd be having this conversation in the lobby or at home but the biggest voice in her head was saying that not being told what happened meant something bad.

"Anna!" Jack called. "Anna."

"Kid," Danny said. "It's okay." Anna ignored both of them.

Jamie gently squeezed the back of her neck and her eyes shot open landing on Sean. He looked at her worriedly. "Oh, thank God!" Anna breathed. "I'm glad you're okay," she told him. Sean grinned and Anna's heart melted. He was safe. He was healthy and he was okay. As long as she reminded herself of that then the rest of it didn't matter. A nurse interrupted, coming in with a tray of drinks, black cherry soda, ginger ale, and apple juice. Sean protested that it wasn't fair that he got run over but couldn't get a root beer.

"Last time Anna was in the hospital she got ice cream from Eddie's and I can't even get a root beer?" Sean went on, looking at his mom.

"Anything you can do?" Danny asked, looking at the nurse.

"I'll track one down," the nurse said.

"How'd you get ice cream from Eddie's? It's the best ice cream in Queens" Nicky asked once the nurse had left.

"Because my uncle Joe loves me," Anna grinned.

"To be fair she was six and it was on the way here from where he worked in Queens," Frank informed them. Then Henry changed the subject to how much he was worried and Erin as well. Erin mentioned beating Sean senseless for making her worry so much and even though there was a teasing note to Erin's voice, a startling realization crashed over Anna, especially as she glanced at her father. Here Sean had been, in a coma for four days and she had been beside herself with grief but three and a half years ago Joe had been killed and her dad had remained the strong, passive guy he had always been. Part of her wondered if it was because he didn't care but most of her knew it was because his family needed him to be strong. If he had felt even one tenth of what she had over her brother then she would feel real guilty over the way she had treated him.

The air in the room became thick and suffocating as Anna processed these thoughts so she turned and left the room. Turning right out of the room then taking a quick left had her around the corner and out of sight of the room quickly. She braced her arm against the wall and rested her forehead against it as the tears threatened to fall. The way Sean's coma had hit her couldn't and shouldn't compare to the way losing Joe had probably hit Danny. Joe had died suddenly with no warning under dubious circumstances. Sean was just in a coma and was now fine.

Anna remembered the Friday night that Joe had died. Her dad had gotten lucky to get done early and had picked her, Jack, and Sean up from school. Then he took them out for ice cream. It had been the start to what they had been hoping would be a great weekend. After pizza for dinner and showers for the kids, they watched a movie and went to bed. Anna was just about asleep when a nauseous feeling came over her. She didn't get sick but that feeling, a feeling she had come to recognize as dread, stayed with her that night. Though Danny hadn't been up to catch a case, Anna could remember the phone ringing and Danny tearing off that night. She waited the whole night unable to sleep, but he didn't come back and the phone didn't ring. That following morning, Linda got them up and dressed then out the door without a word despite her brother's protests about Saturday morning cartoons. Sean had just turned six and Jack was eight so Frank had sent them to the sunroom. Nicky and her dad were on the couch, Erin was in the kitchen and the Reagan men, sans Joe, were standing in the foyer. She had looked at the four of them in turn, her eyes finally landing on Jamie. He was always the easiest to read. Something bad had definitely happened.

Anna had looked from Jamie up at her mom, who was standing beside her, a hand resting gently on her shoulder, then to her grandfather. He broke the tension by informing her of what had happened. Anna hadn't believed him. When no one contradicted him, she bolted up the stairs and checked every room on the second floor for her uncle. When she returned to the first floor to continue the search, hoping Joe would pop out from somewhere to explain it was all a prank, Danny pulled her in a tight hug holding her to keep her from doing that. She could remember how she stared up at his face to see no pain, no anger, or any hurt. His face was cold and hard. It had sent a shiver down her spine.

A hand landed on her shoulder, jolting her out of her thoughts. A quick glance back found warm brown eyes, so she spun around and threw her arms around his waist. Surprised by both the hug and the tears, he didn't react at first but rather stood in shock. A moment or so later he wrapped her in a hug until she slowly stopped sobbing. Her matching brown eyes were still wet when she blinked up at him. "I'm sorry," she sniffled.

"It'll dry," he assured her tucking some blonde hair behind her ear.

"Not about your shirt," Anna swallowed, "About your brother."

"My brother?" his brow furrowed. "It's your brother that's in the hospital bed."

"No, I mean ... Three and a half years ago, ever since then really, I've been giving you a lot of crap for –um—because I thought you didn't care when Uncle Joe died but I was wrong. So very wrong. My baby brother was in a coma and I felt guiltier than I have ever felt before but your brother actually died. He died and you were so level ... so strong and I thought you didn't care. If you felt 1/10th of what I felt this past weekend, I am so sorry." Anna rested her forehead against his chest and he waited patiently. His little girl would continue when she was ready and when she was this upset, he just needed to be patient and non-judgmental and give her space. Her eyes came up and connected with his again. "Your brother died and I knew that meant that you probably felt like you failed but you never showed that. I pushed you away and got angry and treated you like crap and I was so wrong." Her breathing grew heavy and Danny knew that meant a fresh round of tears. He rubbed her shoulder trying to help. "He was your little brother and losing him had to hurt. Then on top of that your little girl starts acting like she hates you. Somehow none of that even seemed to faze you."

He cupped her chin as he kept an arm around her. "Anna, kiddo, I was hurt when Joe died."

"I know that now."

"I was also angry but I knew then, like I knew when we found out about Sean, that breaking down in front of my kids would scare them. You needed me to be strong and to be the human target for your anger. I also know that you never truly blamed me for his death. You were angry and it may not have been healthy for you to lash out at me, it was better than you holding it in and doing something dangerous. It's one of the hardest stages of grief along with acceptance and like your old man you bounced between those two for a long time." Danny took a deep breath. "Besides, when you were lashing out at me, you were talking to me."

"That doesn't make me any less sorry."

Danny sighed softly. "I forgive you, Anna. I told you before, even though Joe was my brother and I feel guilty for not protecting him, I know his death hit you harder. You were real close and I'm sorry that you had to go through that especially at a young age." Danny wiped away her tears. He didn't say anything as he waited for her to compose herself. Her breathing evened out and the lost look left her eyes. She swallowed hard then wiped her face. After pulling out her phone and checking her reflection, she hugged her dad.

"Did they say when Sean can come home?"

"As soon as the test results are clear. You ready to go back in?" Anna nodded. Danny wrapped his arm back around her shoulders and led her back into Sean's room. She squeezed between Henry's chair and Sean's bed and sat down next to her brother.

"How you doing?" Anna asked

"I'm okay," Sean answered.

"Ready to go home?"

"Can I?"

"Mom?"

"As soon as a doctor comes in with release papers," Linda answered.

"They'll be in soon," Anna told him. "There's nothing wrong with you. And as soon as you're up for it, I'm going to let you try to kick my butt in your favorite racing game." Anna held her breath until Sean grinned.

"You're on," Sean answered. Anna grinned as well.

"Have you thought about Lou's offer?" Danny asked.

"What?" Anna asked, looking at her dad.

"The offer from your boss to take the next two weeks off. When he hadn't heard from you, he called your mom. I think you should take it. Based on everything you just said," Danny said.

Ann glanced at her brother then back at her dad. "Anna?" Sean asked softly.

"I'll call him in the morning. Promise," Anna said. She smiled at her brother and gently took his hand. Sean was released that night Anna called Sofie after the boys went to bed.

"Hey, Sof," Anna said.

"How's Sean?" Sofie answered.

"Home, sleeping, doing fine. He has a checkup with his pediatrician before he goes back to school but the neurologist said he should be okay now."

"I wanted to be there, but I'm in Paris."

"Paris? What for?" Anna asked.

"A photo shoot. Let Sean know how sorry I am that I couldn't have been there."

"He knows. We both don't blame you. You're busy and as long as you call at Christmas and you don't miss my high school graduation, we'll be fine."

"Wait, your graduation from high school is this year? That can't be right. I swear there are more years between us," Sofie said.

"I meant next year, Sofie. I don't graduate until next year."

"Do you know how many cousins I have? It's so hard to keep track of them all."

"You have three, four if you include Nicky."

"Okay fine. Anyway have you thought about college yet? Auntie Linda still pushing you on it?"

"We've talked about it once, briefly. I've looked at a few schools but I doubt we'll be able to afford it. I'm just trying to enjoy junior year."

"I could always help."

"Thanks for the offer, Sof. Try that again in a year, maybe I'll accept."

"Well, I gotta run, it's late and I've got an early morning."

"Okay, good luck."

"Thanks." The girls hung up and Anna went to bed promising to call Mr. M. in the morning to agree to his two weeks off deal. She didn't want to but knew that it was better to spend the time with her brothers instead of working too hard.

As days passed things got back to normal. Anna kept her promise and played Sean's favorite game with him. She even let him win, but denied it when pressed. In early January, Sean was checked over by his doctor who cleared him to return to normal activities as long as he took the normal safety precautions. A few days back to school after winter break, a shooting in Washington Square Park hit headline news. Though there was no direct quote from Frank about who the officer involved was, the news was widely spreading the rumor that it was Jamie. When he ducked her calls the first few days after it happened, Anna's suspicions soared. He avoided her on Sunday too and that basically confirmed them.

"You going to avoid me here too?" Anna asked as he entered the house after church.

"Game's on," Jamie answered shortly.

"But it's neither the Giants nor the Jets," Anna answered. Jamie narrowed his eyes at her and she stepped back. He wasn't normally short with her.

"Anna, leave it," Danny called. For a brief second she felt like a dog being called off but shook it off and looked up at her uncle. He still looked like he didn't want to talk so she left him and went into the kitchen.

"Mama, is Uncle Jamie alright?" Anna asked, walking over to her mom and aunt at the kitchen island.

"He's just going through a tough time, sweetie, he doesn't mean it." Linda patted Anna's shoulder before checking on the pork chops in the oven.

"Do you think he needs some sunshine?" Anna asked.

"I don't know if it'll help." Linda sighed. "Sean! Table needs set," she called.

"Aunt Erin, do you know what's bothering Uncle Jamie?" Anna asked as the woman pulled the salad ingredients from the fridge.

"Yes. It's about the park shooting."

"First fatal discharge?" Erin nodded. "Can I help?"

"Just don't make him talk about it and don't be too happy," Erin explained. Anna wasn't sure what "too happy" meant but she knew she had to act normal. She took a deep breath and went back to sit down beside him on the couch.

"I can't begin to imagine what you're going through and I doubt you can even put it into words. I don't expect you to. Sometimes you have to work through things on your own." Anna looked up from her hands at her uncle. "But no matter what you're going through or how the press paints you, I love you because of how amazing you are to me. Maybe you screwed up or maybe something was going on with him. Maybe it was a no-win situation no matter how you look at it. All that matters is what you do now. I know you don't want to hear that but if anyone can figure this out it's you or Dad." Anna gave him a small smile full of hope that he wouldn't lash out at her if she had just said the wrong thing. Jamie stared at her, his expression not changing. Anna shifted and looked back at her lap. She was just about to go back into the kitchen and maybe convince her dad to talk to him when Jamie hauled her into a hug.

"Sometimes you remind me exactly why Joe used to call you his dose of sunshine," Jamie said softly.

Maybe she hadn't crossed the line this time. Anna smirked and pulled back a bit. "I know this doesn't really compare, but after the fire, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe I should have let Mom drive it that night, maybe I should have waited to start it, maybe I should have convinced Dad to take it to a mechanic. Maybe, maybe, maybe! I couldn't stop. Didn't do me any good though. My mom got me to talk to a shrink. Made me realize that I wasn't alone and that I could talk about it. Having answers helped. I may not have answers for you, but Dad might or Grampa. They've been there. Especially Dad. Bad things happen to people who hold it in."

"I know. Thanks, Anna." Jamie hugged her again and then it was dinner time.