One day, Dipper and Mabel approached Stan, who was working at the cash register.

"Grunkle Stan, can we go to the diner?" Mabel asked. "We're huuuungry."

"Huuuungry," Dipper added for dramatic flair.

The two twins started hitting their stomachs together playfully.

"Sure," Stan replied. "As soon as this yahoo makes up his mind."

"Do you have this in another animal?" asked a nearby customer as they pointed towards the 'fur trout', a trout with fur on its body.

"I'm fine locking him inside if you are," Stan decided.

The twins nodded.

The three left the shack, adding a wooden board to keep the customer from leaving. They then got in the car and drove away.

Play Gravity Falls Intro Music

A bus stops in the small town of Gravity Falls. Dipper and Mabel get off the bus. In front of them is the town's star attraction, The Mystery Shack. Their great-uncle, Stan, invites them inside.

The twins look around the shack. They're both curious about everything.

Later, the Pines investigate a strange footprint with four toes instead of five. None of them realize they're standing in a much larger footprint.

DIPPER

Dipper looks around a cave holding a candle for light. He comes across a strange skeleton that scares him. He drops his candle, getting rid of his only source of light.

MABEL

Mabel stands in a room wearing a purple sweater with stars, her name, and a rainbow. She plugs an outlet into her sweater, causing it to glow.

STAN

Stan tells the twins, Wendy, and Soos a scary story. Soos and the twins are terrified while Wendy is completely unfazed. However, none of them notice the scary creature behind them.

WENDY

Wendy sits in front of the cash register, minding her own business. She doesn't notice the nearby jar of eyeballs turning to face her.

SOOS

Soos spins around the living room wearing multiple jewels on his clothes. Mabel shines a flashlight, and the light reflects off of the jewels creating a beautiful lightshow.

Dipper and Mabel lay in their room. Mabel reads a girl magazine while laying on the floor. Dipper reads a journal while laying on his bed. After a second, everyone and everything begins to float off the ground. Dipper is the only one who notices something off.

End Intro

One Cruel Summer

Chapter 5

Dipper vs. Manliness

The Pines family made it to Greasy's Diner. An employee approached them. She was a woman with long blue hair and a missing eye. She was wearing a purple dress with a white apron over it.

"Lazy Susan," Stan greeted in a flirty tone. "Where were you yesterday?"

"I was hit by a bus," the waitress, Susan, replied.

Stan laughed. "Hilarious."

"Thank you." Susan made the best fake laugh she could.

"You do split plates, right?"

"Maybe."

"Great. We'll all split one-fourth of the number seven, plus a free salad dressing for the lady and a small plate of ketchup for the boy."

"But Grunkle Stan, I want pancakes," Mabel whined.

"What am I, made of money?" Stan asked. Right as he said that, a dollar bill leaked out of his sleeve. He forced it back in. "Tap, tap."

Dipper felt a bit guilty. He turned and noticed a game near the entrance.

'TEST YOUR MANLINESS

WIN GAME FOR FREE PANCAKES!'

"Don't worry," Dipper assured. "The pancakes are on me. I'm gonna win some free pancakes by beating that manliness tester."

Stan and Mabel looked at each other before laughing their asses off.

"What's so funny?" Dipper asked.

"No offense, Dipper," Mabel replied. "But you're not exactly Manly Mannington."

"Yeah," Stan added. "In case you haven't noticed, you're weird. You're a weirdo. You don't fit in and you don't want to fit in." He pointed at Dipper's hat. "Do you ever walk around without that stupid hat on? That's weird."

"My hat isn't stupid!" Dipper defended before pointing at Stan's fez. "Well, not as stupid as yours."

"You take that back!" Stan yelled. "At least I don't sing any songs from that girly Swedish pop sensation, ABBA."

Flashback

Stan was watching the TV and minding his own business. His fun was interrupted when he heard Dipper singing loud and proud.

"See that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen!" Dipper sang very off key.

"Dipper, I can hear you!" Stan called. "The walls are surprisingly thin!"

"You're surprisingly thin!"

End of Flashback

"What does that have to do with anything?" Dipper asked. "I'm plenty masculine! You see this chest hair?" Dipper pulled down his shirt to reveal his completely smooth, hairless chest. "Oh man." Stan and Mabel continued to laugh. Dipper wasn't having it. "Fine, family of little faith. Get ready to eat your words, and a plate of delicious pancakes."

Dipper stood up. He rolled up his sleeves. He walked over to the machine. He grabbed the lever. He started to count to three in his head.

"Stop stalling!" a patron yelled.

That knocked Dipper off guard. He pulled the lever too early, and he didn't pull hard enough.

As a result, he landed on 'wimp'. The machine printed out a paper that read, 'Cutie Patootie'.

Right afterwards, the town lumberjack approached the machine and moved the lever with the tip of his finger. The machine shattered because of the strength. This led to pancakes from the stand being launched onto everyone's plates.

"Yes, pancakes for everyone!" the lumberjack shouted.

Everyone in the diner cheered, except for Dipper. He felt like his victory was stolen. It didn't help that Stan and Mabel were continuing to laugh at him.

"I need to get chest hair, fast," he told himself.

He ran for the door. He tripped on a crack on the floor and fell to the ground. It hurt, but he fought the pain and got back up. He then left the diner.

Dipper walked down the streets of downtown. After walking for a while, he got hit by a hard stream of water.

He turned around to see a broken fire hydrant spraying water everywhere. The sheriff and deputy were inspecting it.

"Another broken fire hydrant," the sheriff shook his head.

"Do you want to get naked and run around in the water?" asked the deputy.

Right as he asked that, the sheriff took off his shirt to reveal his chest hair and abs. "Stop reading my mind, Durland."

Dipper quickly backed away before he could witness the traumatizing site of two naked cops running around a broken hydrant.

He then ran into a woman.

"Sorry," she said. "I'm looking for the mailman."

"Are you saying I'm not male?" Dipper reacted. "Is that what you're getting at?"

A few tears leaked out. The woman noticed this. "Are you crying?"

Dipper ran into the woods to avoid being seen in such a vulnerable state.

In the woods, Dipper tried to bench press a tree branch. He couldn't even get to five before he stopped.

He then looked at a bag that said, 'Real Man Jerky'. The man on the bag pointed at Dipper and said, "You're inadequate!"

"You're right," he said to himself. "I need some help."

That's when the ground started to shake. Multiple woodland creatures ran in the opposite direction.

Dipper noticed a tree falling. He grabbed his hat before it could be crushed. He then looked up. In front of him was a large, buff monster. He couldn't make out what it was, but he knew it was coming for him.

He let out a loud, high scream. He then realized he wasn't being manly, so he did his best to do a manly roar. That didn't work the way he hoped it would.

The creature got closer. Dipper could finally make out some details. The long beard, the buff muscles, the sixteen-pack abs. It stretched out its arms and let out a roar…

Then it grabbed a nearby dear and used his antlers as a backscratcher.

The monster then turned towards Dipper.

"Please don't eat me!" Dipper begged. "I'm all elbows and gristle!"

"YOU…" the creature pointed at Dipper. "Gonna finish that?"

It took Dipper a second to realize what was happening. "No."

He tossed the bag to the creature. It scarfed down the jerky.

"I can't believe it," Dipper remarked. "Part animal, part human. Are you some kind of minotaur?"

"I'm a manotaur!" the creature corrected. "Half man, half… half taur!"

"So did I, like, summon you, or…"

"The smell of jerky summoned me!" The manotaur punched a nearby tree, cutting it down. Then, he smashed a rock against his head. It shattered on impact. It then started to sniff the air, then Dipper. He sniffed so aggressively that it blew Dipper's hat off his head. "I smell… emotional issues."

Dipper put his hat back on.

"I got problems, manotaur," he admitted. "My uncle called me a wimp, and I flunked this manly game thing. You know, you seem pretty manly. Maybe you could give me some pointers?"

The manotaur thought for a second before making his decision. "Alright. Climb on my back."

On the manotaur's back was long, sweaty, fly-infested hair. Dipper was reluctant, but he knew this was his only option.

The ride wasn't very pleasant. There were multiple branches and nests that Dipper had to avoid, all the while having to keep a good grip on the manotaur's back.

After a while, the manotaur leaped into the air and flew right through a hard surface.

Dipper closed his eyes. He couldn't watch.

Dipper felt the manotaur land. When he opened his eyes, he found himself in a cave filled with other manotaurs.

One was doing push-ups.

A couple were arm-wrestling.

A few were showing off their biceps.

"The gnomes live in the trees," the one with Dipper said. "The mer-people live in the water, 'cause they're losers. But we manotaurs crash in the man cave!" He hit the gong to get the others' attention. "Beasts, I have brought you, a hairless child!" Dipper nervously waved. The manotaur made introductions. "This is Pubitaur, Testosteraur, Pituitar, and I'm Chutzpaur. And you are?"

"I'm Dipper," Dipper introduced himself, only to be booed by the crowd. "The, uh, destructor? Dipper the Destructor."

Chutzpaur hit the gong once more. "Dipper the Destructor wants us to teach him the secrets to our manliness!"

"I need your help." Dipper showed his hairless chest.

The manotaurs huddled.

"I don't like him," Pubitaur said. "He's human."

"I don't like your face," said Testosteraur.

They all started fighting each other. Dipper did his best to hide his embarrassment. "I like these guys."

After a lot of punching, the manotaurs made their decision. "We have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets."

"Denied?" Dipper asked, shocked. He then got his composure and tried to act tough. "Okay, that's fine with me. Obviously you guys think it would be too hard to train me. Maybe, you're not man enough to try."

"Not man enough?" one manotaur yelled. "I have three Y chromosomes, six Adam's apples, pecs on my abs, and fists for nipples!" He showcased all of those things.

"Seems to me you're too scared to teach me how to be a man. Hey, do you guys hear that? It sounds like…" Dipper started imitating a chicken. "That's weird. That sounds like a bunch of chickens."

The manotaurs gasped before huddling again.

"He's using some sort of brain magic," Testosteraur said.

The manotaurs pulled out of their huddle.

"After a second round of deliberation," said Putitaur. "We have decided to help you become a man."

"Man! Man! Man!" the manotaurs cheered.

"Thanks," Dipper thanked. "Whatever you want me to do, I won't let you down."

The manotaurs led Dipper to the top of the mountain.

"Being a man is about conquering your fears," said Chutzpaur. "For your first task, you must plunge your fist into the pain hole."

"Pain hole, schmain hole," said Pituitaur as he put his hand in the hole. He then started to scream in pain.

"Is this really necessary?" Dipper asked, starting to question himself.

"You wanna be a man, do you?" asked Chutzpaur.

That was all Dipper needed to go along with it. He put his hand in the hole, and felt the most painful thing in the world. He screamed louder than ever.

Play "Training Mix" from Gravity Falls

The next thing Dipper had to do was pull a party wagon. He could only move it a single inch.

When the tiger roars, and the mountain cries

Later, Chutzpaur pulled out some of his hair, sprayed some glue onto Dipper's chest, and attached his hair onto Dipper. It fell off not long after.

You gotta dream the dream, you gotta win the prize

Then, Dipper tried to cross a stream by jumping off a few crocodile heads.

You gotta got the miles, you gotta face the trials

Then, the manotaurs held Dipper's arms out and his eyes open wide.

Never lose sight of the sites you see

You gotta believe your beliefs are real

Then, a manotaur destroyed a fire hydrant, causing water to spray out. He drank some of the water, and gestured for Dipper to do the same.

Dipper tried to drink the water, but it sprayed so aggressively that it sent him flying.

Now you're drinking from a fire hydrant

Then, Dipper jumped off a cliff.

Now you're jumping off a crazy gorge

Afterwards, Dipper and some manotaurs did something weird with their stomachs.

I don't really know what's happening in this part

Finally, Dipper jumped off another cliff. He jumped all the way across the canyon. It almost felt like he was flying.

"WOO!" he shouted in excitement.

Your heart's on fire and the fire is in your heart

End "Training Mix"

With the training montage over, Dipper was relaxing in a hot spring with some manotaurs.

"I don't know about you, but I definitely felt some growth here," Dipper admitted.

"I have a growth," one manotaur, Glark, pointed at a large sore on his head.

"Glark, you are hilarious today. It's just you took me under your wing and have been so supportive."

"Stop," Chutzpaur said as he tried to hide a blush.

"No, you know what? You really have been. I feel like I'm finally becoming a man here."

"Not yet, Destructor. One final task remains. The deadliest trial of all."

"I survived forty-nine terrifying experiences today alone. Bring it on!"

After drying up, the manotaurs gave Dipper multiple tattoos. They included the words 'RAD DUDE' and 'TOO COOL' on his arms, a flaming cross on his stomach, and a winged skull on his chest.

"Behold our leader, leaderaur!" Chutzpaur introduced.

An older manotaur came in.

"Is he the oldest or wisest?" Dipper asked, right before the old one got eaten.

"No, he's just the offering," said Chutzpaur. "That is Leaderaur."

In front of Dipper was a large, dark, demon-looking manotaur.

"You wish to be a man?" he asked.

Dipper growled and punched his chest like a gorilla.

"Then you must do heroic act," said Leaderaur. "Go to highest mountain." He stuck his hand in his chest and cried in pain. Dipper did his best to avoid screaming or puking. Leaderaur pulled out a spear with a bone for a handle. "And bring back head of… the multi-bear."

Leaderaur dropped the spear in front of Dipper.

"Multi-bear?" Dipper asked. "Who's that? Some kind of bear?"

"He's our sworn enemy," Leaderaur replied. "Conquer him and your mansformation will be complete."

"Conquer? I don't know."

Chutzpaur showed up with a tape in his hand. "Destructor, is this yours?"

Dipper quickly grabbed it, recognizing it as the ABBA tape. "No. It's a friend's, not mine." He then noticed people whispering. He knew they weren't saying anything good. In retaliation, he picked up the spear. "I shall conquer the multi-bear!"

Dipper left the cave to find the multi-bear.

He climbed a tree to get a look at his surroundings.

He drank water from a stream to know where he was going.

After hours of hiking and climbing, he reached the multi-bear's hideout.

"I'm coming for you, multi-bear!" he declared.

Dipper entered the cave. He looked around and found multiple bones scattered throughout.

"What even is a multi-bear?" he wondered.

To answer his question, the multi-bear revealed itself. It was an amalgamation of multiple bear heads. The heads roared.

"Bear heads, silence!" the top head ordered, silencing them all. "Child, why have you come here?"

"Multi-bear, I seek your head!" Dipper yelled as he pointed his spear. "Or one of them. How many are there? Six, seven?"

"This is foolish! Leave now or die!"

Dipper pointed his spear.

The bear charged. Dipper climbed the wall to avoid it. He then jumped down to the floor and let out the best roar he could.

The bear then launched a whole pile of bones in Dipper's direction. He dodged all of them and took cover.

When the time was right, Dipper revealed himself. One of the heads tried to bite him. He jumped in the air and landed on the head. He then climbed up to the top of the creature. He then used his spear to suffocate it. It only took a few seconds for the multi-headed monster to fall.

Dipper wasn't done yet. A real man shows no mercy after all. He pointed his spear, ready to finish the job.

"Very well, warrior," said the head. "But will you grant a magical beast one last request?"

Dipper hesitated. "Okay."

"I wish to die listening to my favorite song." Dipper turned to the nearby radio. "The tape is already inside. Just press…"

Dipper already pressed play. The music started to play. It sounded… familiar.

"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life…"

"You listen to Swedish pop group, ABBA?" Dipper asked. "I love ABBA."

"I thought it was just me. The manotaurs made fun of me because I know all the words to the song 'Dancing Queen'."

"You mean, 'See that girl…'"

"'Watch that scene…'"

"Digging the dancing queen," the two sang together.

Play "Dancing Queen" by ABBA

Dipper:

Friday night and the lights are low

Looking out for a place to go

Where they play the right music, getting in the swing

You come to look for a king

Multi-bear:

Anybody could be that guy

Night is young and the music's high

With a bit of rock music, everything is fine

You're in the mood for a dance

Both:

And when you get the chance

You are the dancing queen

Young and sweet

Only seventeen

Dancing queen

Feel the beat

From the tambourine, oh yeah

You can dance, you can jive

Having the time of your life

Ooh

See that girl

Watch that scene

Digging the dancing queen

You can dance, you can jive

Having the time of your life

Ooh

See that girl

The multi-bear pretended to play guitar.

Watch that scene

Dipper joined in, using his spear as the guitar.

Digging the dancing queen

End "Dancing Queen"

"This is crazy!" Dipper shouted. "I never thought someone would understand me!" He then snapped back to reality. "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to kill you or I'll never be a man."

"I accept my fate," the multi-bear assured.

"Really?"

"It's for the best."

Dipper readied his spear. He plunged it down.

Dipper hit his spear against the ground, causing it to crack.

"I'm not gonna do it!" he declared.

"You were told the price of manhood was the multi-bear's head!" Leaderaur reminded.

"Listen up, all of you! You keep telling me that being a man is doing all these crazy tasks and being aggro all the time, but I'm starting to think that stuff's malarkey. You heard me. Maybe I don't have muscles or hair on my chest, and sometimes when a girly pop song plays on the radio, I leave it on, because dammit, top forty hits are in the top forty for a reason, they're catchy! The multi-bear is a nice guy, and you're a bunch of dicks if you want me to cut his head off!"

Leaderaur stood up and punched the ground. "Kill the multi-bear or never be a man!"

"Then I guess I'll never be a man!"

The manotaurs booed and called Dipper weak. They then walked away to build something and knock it down.

Dipper sighed before leaving the cave.

Dipper made it back to the Mystery Shack. He was about to open the door when…

"Dipper!" came Mabel's voice.

Dipper didn't have time to react before Mabel tackled him into a hug.

"Hi, Mabel," Dipper smiled, returning the hug.

"Dipper, I'm sorry about how I treated you! I never meant to hurt you, but then you left, and didn't come back, and I worried that…"

"Mabel, it's fine. I'm fine."

Mabel could hear the melancholy in Dipper's voice. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Good," came Stan's voice. He pulled Mabel off of Dipper, before helping him up.

"It's just these half-man, half-bull humanoids were hanging out with me," Dipper explained.

"Here we go."

"But then they wanted me to do this tough, horrible thing, but it wasn't right, so I said no."

"You were your own man and you stood up for yourself. You did the right thing even though no one agreed with you. It sounds manly to me, but what do I know?"

Mabel then looked down towards Dipper's chest. "Wait a minute. Do my eyes deceive me? You have a chest hair."

Dipper opened his shirt to reveal he did, in fact, have a chest hair. "I do! This is amazing! Take that man tester! Take that manotaurs! This guy has chest hair!"

Mabel then plucked it off. "Scrapbookortunity."

"Don't worry kid," Stan assured. "If you're like me, there's more where that came from."

Stan opened his chest to reveal a lot more chest hair.

"Stan, that's gross," Dipper scolded. The three then laughed, before Dipper stopped. "But seriously, that's disgusting."

A.N.

Another chapter in the bag.

I knew I wanted to do this episode. It was an important episode that develops Dipper's arc.

This isn't my favorite episode for two reasons.

Firstly, neither Mabel or Stan were at their best in this episode. They spend the start of the episode teasing Dipper, they never apologize, instead having this whole romantic subplot between Stan and Susan that never goes anywhere. As a result, I adapted that plot point out and replaced it with Mabel and Stan being worried for Dipper, and apologizing when they see him again.

Secondly, the fact that they changed ABBA to BABBA. It was a very unnecessary change. It's very obvious who they're making a nod to, so they might as well use the real name.

This goes for all Disney Channel shows when they reference a product, show, or singer that Disney doesn't own, and they change the name but it's so obvious that they might as well use the real name. I get that copyright exists, but hey, this is Disney we're talking about here. They can lose a few hundred million dollars paying ABBA royalties.

Anyway, not much else changes. This was another Dipper solo adventure, only this time, this chapter doesn't focus on Dipper's crush on Wendy.

I did reference Jughead's "I'm weird" speech a second time, only this time, the one making the speech is directing it towards the person they're talking to and not themselves. In this case, Stan's insulting Dipper and his "stupid hat". I mainly included it so Dipper can make an awesome comeback.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. Thanks for reading. Please favorite, follow, and review.