An eventful morning had turned into a quiet evening with the air holding a slight chill and the sky showing off its display of stars. Most of the people that often bustled about the halls of the citadel had returned to their homes or their chambers and left the corridors empty and the chattering voices to fade. And yet one person remained.

With footsteps that padded softly through silent rooms and a mind that practically screamed in the dark, Merlin had long since stopped caring for where exactly he was headed. It had been an impulsive decision to sneak away from his room and slip past Gaius, the man having been half asleep over his tomes at the time, but it was one he did not regret.

After the king and Morgana had returned from their trip with news that the sorcerer Tauren had been killed in an attempted ambush of the king, the young warlock had been pleased. Morgana had come to her senses, her bond with Uther had been repaired, and Gaius was proud of him for his part.

Things might have been perfect if not for Gwen being forced to mourn over the loss of her father. But Merlin had decided that his choice to intervene had been the right one, even if it hadn't gone quite to plan and had left him with a bump on his head from his own spell being thrown back at him. Yet when he'd returned from his duties and bid his guardian goodnight, his mind had begun to turn the day's events around in his head over and over again.

He'd tried to ignore them, tried to push the thoughts aside in favor of some well-deserved rest, but each time he'd close his eyes they'd begin to resurface and the questions would begin their assault. Why had he hesitated for so long? Why had he considered letting the king die? Was this what his world was to become? What if he had made the wrong choice? What if Uther had died and Camelot suffered for his lack of judgement? What would Morgana have become if she had followed through with her plan?

Endless inquiries pushed and poked and prodded at the boy's mind until Merlin could no longer bear it. He'd paced about his room until the air had grown stale and then he'd snuck his way past the physician to walk mindlessly about the halls of the citadel.

He'd gotten a few cautionary glances from the guards at their posts at first, but most had grown accustomed to the warlock's odd behavior and paid him no further mind once it was clear he was up to no harm. So Merlin had walked. Down a flight of stairs, through various halls, up winding staircases.

At some point he'd convinced himself that if he walked enough either the questions plaguing his mind would fade or he would finally come up with the answers to them. Though both of those options seemed unreachable the further he went and the longer they lingered. It wasn't until the boy had found himself at the far side of the castle that he'd finally stopped to pay attention to where he was.

With all the tasks that Arthur gave him Merlin had been all around the citadel more times than he could count. There were some rooms he hadn't been in of course, but he knew what almost all of them contained. Many rooms lay empty awaiting a requested guest or the occasional dignitary passing through on a journey elsewhere.

Some were used for storage and the occasional few contained nothing, empty space that awaited the day it would be filled and given the chance to show off its potential. But as Merlin glanced around the short stretch of corridor that he'd stopped in the middle of, he found the area was one he didn't recognize in the slightest.

Balconies that were decorated in intricately carved stone and large towering pillars stood off to his left, overlooking the massive forest that surrounded the kingdom. To his right were empty walls that lacked any and all of the decorative tarps, tapestries, or winning shields that frequented the more used areas of the citadel.

Straight ahead of him was a closed off room, though Merlin knew it could not lead anywhere else. Even the space near the door was empty, no sign or plaque indicating the assignment of the chambers to a past or current resident. He'd managed to climb into one, if not the only, abandoned tower that remained in the citadel, and though his mind was filled with his own swirling uncertainties he found that curiosity had taken hold.

Though rather than walking straight away to the closed off room, Merlin instead stepped closer to the balcony, his hands falling onto the smoothed out edges of the ledge. A soft breeze that carried the scent of the forest drifted around him, the cool air pushing back his hair as the boy gripped the edge of the balcony tighter.

Tilting his head to stare up at a cloudless sky, an uncomfortable weight settled back into the warlock's stomach. He'd hoped that for just a moment the pressing questions that ran rampant throughout his mind had faded, but as he stood staring out at the darkened trees below, it felt as if the voices from the conversations that had swayed his decisions were louder than ever inside his head.

He'd gone to the dragon for wisdom, for guidance, for any answer that could be given on what he was meant to do. After all, he could hardly believe that Morgana had been willing to let Uther die in such a way, and in part by her own hand. But what he'd expected to hear from the dragon was in fact the furthest thing from it.

"Don't you want Uther dead?" The dragon had uttered, his voice as loud in his mind while he stood there as it was whenever he called out to the warlock. "It is Uther that persecutes you and your kind Merlin. It is Uther that murders the innocent."

"But surely that doesn't make it right to kill him."

And it didn't. Uther was hard and cruel at times but he was still the king. But the way the dragon had looked at him, the way his eyes had glinted with so much more than just the wisdom he often offered the boy, it had given him pause. In that moment they had been harsher, more cunning and direct than he'd ever seen before. And with that a single seed of doubt had begun to spread, though the words that were spoken had continued to worm their way inside his head.

"Only if Uther dies can magic return to the land. Only if Uther dies will you be free, Merlin. Uther's reign is at an end, let Arthur's reign begin! Fulfill your destiny!"

All at once that single seed had sprouted, but where it had held doubt towards the dragon had been shifted onto Uther and his reign. Towards his decision and his actions and what if Arthur were to become king? Though he knew for that to happen it meant he'd have to allow Uther's death to occur. Which also meant he'd be partially to blame for it.

"Wait! Where does it say my destiny includes murder?"

"Free this land of tyranny Merlin! Free us all!"

Dropping his head and squeezing his eyes shut, Merlin's fingers probed at his suddenly throbbing temples. Uncertainty had clouded his mind after their conversation. It had raged through him like a wildfire and filled him with the wonder of what a kingdom ruled by Arthur might be like.

Would he repeal his father's law? Allow magic within Camelot? Would Merlin finally have a home where he wouldn't have to hide who he was or what he could do? A kingdom where the people who were innocent of biased misdeeds were not brutally slain because of the prejudice of their king?

Merlin had never been Uther's greatest fan, and he knew it went both ways regarding the king's feelings towards his son's manservant, but the idea of allowing his death was almost too much for the warlock to stomach. Thinking back on his morning and realizing how close he'd been to allowing events to unfold made the boy sick even then.

Heaving a slow breath, Merlin lifted his head and rested his chin in his hands, his shoulders slouching as he leaned his weight against the balcony. He'd gone back and forth in his mind the whole time, an internal struggle that he knew had left him an unfocused mess, more so than he usually was.

And though most hadn't noticed, it definitely had not slipped past Gaius, although the physician always seemed to know when the warlock struggled with anything, magical or not. Tapping his fingers against his face, Merlin's head tilted as the concerned gaze the elder had worn flickered through his mind.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

The words had sounded all too familiar, and so had his expression. It was one his mother often wore when trying to get whatever was bothering Merlin out of him, but still he'd kept it to himself. Not that it was easy; he hated keeping anything from Gaius, from the man who had taken him in and given him a home. A place where he could safely learn and grow, a place where he had someone he could look up to as a father. Yet still he'd kept it hidden.

"I can't.. I-I just.. I can't, you just gotta trust me."

And he had. Gaius had stepped away and he'd trusted him just as he had with so many other things. What would he have said if he hadn't changed his mind? Would he have known? Of course he would've, that was just Gaius. But would he have understood? Or would he have been furious because of his friendship with the king?

Sinking his face into his hands, Merlin let out a low groan. He kept trying to tell himself that none of it mattered, that in the end he'd come to the right choice and that he'd never let Uther die just to jumpstart Arthur's reign.

After all Gaius had been right when he'd said the prince wasn't ready for that. Merlin respected Arthur and viewed him as a friend, but he was still learning just like he was. And while Uther held unfair beliefs in regards to magic and those who practiced it, Arthur still needed his father's guidance.

"But I considered it." He breathed out the broken words as another gust of wind blew past and carried them away, his admission swirling amongst the trees as his fingers dug into his hair.

He should've told Gaius, should've asked for his advice. If not regarding the decision before hand than for the guilt he dealt with now. Because his choice had been set, hadn't it? When he'd gone to Gwen, all he'd been waiting for was her blessing. All of it was over her father, over what had happened to Tom, and in some warped way Merlin had felt that if she'd wanted Uther dead than maybe it was alright what Morgana was doing.

Squeezing his eyes shut as his breath hitched, the warlock's elbows shoved harder against the edges of the balcony while he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes.

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted him dead."

He'd actually said that to Gwen, such a probing question and such a truthful statement. What had he been thinking?

"If Uther died I'd feel nothing. He means nothing to me."

She was suffering, mourning the loss of her father and he'd gone to her like that, what must she have thought?

"But if you had, you know, the choice, what would you do?" She'd looked so confused and so worried, like she'd known exactly what he was getting at before the words had ever left him. "If you had the power of life and death over Uther, would you kill him for what he did?"

"No."

"No?"

"What would that solve? That would make me a murderer, that would make me as bad as him."

And somehow, suddenly, it had all become clear. Of course he couldn't just let Uther die. Gwen was hurting, and he'd hated him for ruthlessly having her father killed, but one death did not justify the other. And even if it did, that was not a choice for him to make. The clarity she'd given him in that moment had been incredible and he'd rushed into action right then and there.

But what if he hadn't?

Slumping down against the edge, Merlin rested his arms across the ledge and propped his chin against them, a small frown forming across his lips. So why couldn't he make the pit in his stomach go away? He'd done what he was supposed to, everyone was safe and a traitorous sorcerer had been dealt with.

But then, if Tauren was a traitor, what exactly did that make Merlin? He claimed to protect Arthur and Camelot but he'd nearly let the unspeakable happen. If faced with that decision in the future who was to say he'd make the right choice?

Digging his fingernails into his arms, the weight seemed to double as another thought struck him. Hadn't he nearly chosen to let that druid boy meet a cruel fate as well? Time and again he was finding himself faced with choices that forced him to juggle another's life in his hands. Was that what his destiny was meant to be? And if so, was that something that he wanted? What happened if he made the wrong choice and someone else suffered because of it?

"Merlin?" Jolting at his name, the warlock turned while blue eyes widened at the sight of Guinevere standing a few paces away.

"Gwen." He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper as she looked away and intertwined her fingers.

"I couldn't sleep." She offered to his unspoken question, her feet carrying her closer to where he stood until her hands rested on the balcony beside him. "I was on my way home when I saw you come this way. I know it's none of my business but you seemed distracted and.." Trailing off, her hands pulled apart and pressed flat against the stone before her head was tilting and dark eyes were staring up at him. "I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Yeah, course I am." He replied, the words rushing from his mouth as Gwen's brows drew together in doubt. "How are you doing?" He asked before she could pose the question he knew was forming in her mind.

Although his own question had been a stupid one, he knew how she was doing. Even if he hadn't already known, the dark circles beneath her swollen eyes were enough to indicate what she'd been going through.

"I'm fine." The girl barely nodded, offering a weak smile as she looked back to her hands. And perhaps it was strange, but as a heavy silence lingered over the two, there was something almost ironic about it all.

The way they both had brushed off the other's concerns though they knew there was more going on. It was almost poetic, the warlock thought, though the knot in his chest made it difficult to think on it for long.

"I didn't know there was an empty tower up here." Guinevere's voice broke through the void, tilting her head to look around the boy and towards the room to his right.

"Oh, yeah. I just found that tonight. I was wondering what used to be up here." Merlin nodded, practically jumping at the chance to change the topic as he followed her gaze.

"Maybe nothing. I've never even seen the maids come up this way." She shrugged, turning around and leaning against the balcony. "Merlin, what did you mean earlier? When you asked me about Uther?"

Her sudden question was posed quietly, curious eyes finding his as the boy racked his brain for an answer he didn't have. Of course she'd want to know, it had been such a strange thing to ask. Not to mention that not long after it was discovered that the king had nearly been killed.

"I was just wondering." He answered with a shrug of his own, though the movement felt far too jerked to seem natural as he stepped away and pressed his back against one of the pillars. "After everything that's happened, no one would blame you for hating him."

"I don't." Gwen shook her head, a stray strand of hair brushing against her cheek as she turned her head away and focused on something the boy couldn't see. "I hate what was done to an innocent man, but Uther is the king, and he's Arthur's father. I'm heartbroken over what has happened, but his death wouldn't bring back my father and neither will my hating him."

Pressing his hands behind him into the cool stone, Merlin felt the same mixture of guilt and wonder rising up within him. "What do you think would've happened? If Tauren had succeeded?"

Glancing up in shock, the girl's brows lifted. "Well I-I suppose Arthur would be king."

"What do you think about that?" He couldn't help himself, the questions he'd been mulling over finally escaping as the girl studied him.

"What do I think about Arthur being king?"

"Yeah." He nodded, his fingers curling into fists behind him as the girl looked straight ahead at the wall.

"I think he would reign differently than his father. In some ways better, I have to hope."

"Do you.." Cutting himself off, Merlin's gaze shifted to the floor. "Do you think he'd bring back magic?"

"Magic?" Gwen repeated, the surprise in her voice unmistakable. "I don't know, maybe? He doesn't seem to hate it as much as his father does, but to bring it back seems unrealistic." She shook her head as the boy finally looked up at her. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious." He deflected, her pressing gaze burning a hole into him before he finally flashed her a widened smile. "That, and I'm having a bit of a hard time imagining Arthur as some wise king."

A small smile broke the tension that worried the girl's face as Gwen let out a laugh, her body relaxing while her fingers drummed gently against the balcony. "Will you still be by Arthur's side when he becomes king?"

"I plan to be." His answer was immediate, offered with a shrug of his shoulders while Gwen's smile grew.

"You're a good friend to him, Merlin." Turning herself around and looking up at the stars, she carefully tucked the loose strand of hair behind her ear. "With you by his side, I believe Arthur will be a great ruler. A king worthy of Camelot's people."

"He has you as well." Merlin pointed out as the girl chuckled.

"Me? I'm just a maid, Merlin."

"I'm just a servant." He stated, pushing away from the pillar and moving to stand next to her. "He fought for your father, you know. He told me he tried to reason with Uther, tried to get Tom released." Gwen's head jerked up at his words, saddened eyes staring up at him. "We're both sorry that he was unsuccessful."

And he was. He would give anything to be able to bring her father back to her. He knew firsthand what it was like to be without one, though he couldn't know what it felt like to lose them when they'd been as close as she had been with hers.

"It means so much that he tried, I'd no idea." She murmured, turning her head away and brushing her fingers across her cheek. "Perhaps as king one day he will turn out to be more lenient towards magic, or at least of those innocent of it."

The whispered words drifted over the boy as Merlin swallowed past the growing lump in his throat, his hands clasping together. "Gwen, what do you think of magic?" The question tumbled out with little thought or restraint, the need to know mixing with the urge to speak out as his fingers tightened around each other.

"What?"

"Magic, what do you, you know, think of it?" The repeated inquiry stuttered out of the boy as instant regret washed over him, blue hues flickering nervously towards the maid as Gwen stared back at him with a masked expression. What was going through her head? Everyone knew magic was banned, everyone knew what happened if you had even the slightest thing to do with it.

"I don't know, Merlin." Her voice cut off his spiraling train of thought, her head tilting to one side in contemplation. "I suppose.." Looking over her shoulder and lowering her voice, Gwen barely shook her head. "I suppose that magic isn't necessarily evil, but rather I think the power can corrupt those who use it. Like Tauren." She finally relented as Merlin stared openly.

"So you don't believe that everyone who has magic is bad?" He couldn't hide the hope that clung to his words as he spoke them, but if Guinevere found it odd she didn't show it.

"I guess? I think it really just depends on the person who has it. Sort of like you."

"Me?" Merlin repeated, his breath catching as his blood ran cold. Fear coursed through him as Gwen's eyes widened and she backed away.

"What?" Shaking her head quickly, her hands waved briefly. "No, I-I just mean that you're not someone who would be corrupted by magic. I don't think. Not that you have magic, or would ever use it. It's banned. I just mean.. well.. you're a good person, that's all. And I don't think that having that sort of power would lead you to abuse it." Her voice faded as she stumbled over her words, her gaze shifting away as the warlock's next breath fell out a little easier.

"Thanks, I think."

"I wasn't saying that you have magic."

"I know."

"If you had magic it would be a death sentence."

"I know."

"I didn't mean-"

"Gwen, it's alright." He cut her off, unable to stop the laugh that followed his assurance as she turned away and slumped against the balcony with a sigh.

"What about you?" She asked, her voice tight.

"Me?"

"What do you think of magic?"

Expecting to respond flippantly, Merlin opened his mouth but found no words would come out. His mind raced as he stared down at her, curious dark hues watching him as a thousand different thoughts flitted through his mind.

He'd thought she had known and he'd been terrified, but was he scared because he was worried she knew, or he was worried how she would react? Would it really be so bad for someone to know? Lancelot knew, and that hadn't turned out poorly. He'd ended up leaving, but he'd kept Merlin's secret and he hadn't thought any less of the boy for it either. But what would Gwen say if she found out?

"I don't think that sort of power would lead you to abuse it." She believed in who he was, in the person he was, but would she still feel the same way if she knew the truth?

"I-"

But his words faltered again and the hope shifted into fear. Even just speaking of magic had Gwen looking over her shoulder terrified of what might happen if someone overheard them. And look what had happened to those people who had given Tauren a room for the night, he doubted they had even known he was a sorcerer and still they'd been executed. How could he even consider telling her what he could do? Even if she did accept him, he'd be putting her at risk if he was ever discovered.

"I feel the same way." He forced out, the words heavy as he swallowed down his disappointment. "It's not evil, it just depends on who uses it."

As Guinevere nodded at his response, Merlin's fingers wrapped around the edge of the balcony. He'd kept his magic a secret his whole life, this was no different. Then again, he'd never had a friend quite like Gwen, and a piece of him hated keeping secrets from her.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Looking over at her, Merlin displayed another smile and bobbed his head. "Yeah, course, why do you ask?"

"You look as though you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders." She stated, smiling sadly up at him, and all at once he found the smile of his own impossible to hold.

"Sort of feels that way sometimes." He murmured, one of his hands finding the other while picking at his nails absentmindedly. "What do you do when you're faced with choices that affect not only your life, but someone else's?"

A quiet hum left the girl as she leaned forwards, her arms braced against the ledge as they stood quietly a moment. "You do what you think is best." She finally answered. "When my father helped Tauren, I truly believe that he didn't know magic was involved. He made the choice to take the work, and then he made the choice to try and escape. In both situations, I know he did what he believed to be best. Maybe it wasn't the right choice, but it was his. And I think that's all anyone can do."

"Do you think his choice would've changed if he'd spoken to anyone about it first?" Merlin asked as Gwen's head lowered.

"I don't think so, at least not really. People can sway you, but deep down you always know what you want, even if you don't see it right away."

Guilt tugged against the warlock's frame as the boy slouched, his eyes closing tightly. "What if what you want and what's right are two different things?"

"Then you have to hope that the person making that choice has a good heart." Looking over at her, Gwen was smiling at him. "I stand by what I said, I think you're a good person Merlin. Everyone has choices, but I find it difficult to believe you'd make one where anyone suffered or was hurt because of it." Offering a small smile back towards her, Gwen pulled away from the balcony and took a deep breath. "I think I ought to be getting back now."

"If you're not ready to go home yet, you're welcome to stay with us again."

"That's kind of you Merlin." Gwen spoke, intertwining her fingers and stepping away. "But I think I need to go back. I can't stay away forever, and I think it's time."

"Do you want me to go with you?" He offered, receiving another gentle smile that always drew one of his own up in response.

"I'll be alright, but thank you." She declined, glancing back towards the sky where the stars continued to shimmer above them.

"He'd be proud of you, Gwen." He stated, looking up at the sky as well. "You're incredibly strong."

"I wouldn't go that far." She spoke softly, her fingers curling into small fists as his eyes cut towards her.

"I would. You've been through a lot, yet you've carried yourself wonderfully. And I think if he's looking down on you, that he'd be just as proud of you as I am."

Gwen's head lifted, her eyes filled with gathering tears as her hand shifted and touched his arm. "Thank you, Merlin."

"You know where we are if you ever need anything."

"I know." She nodded once, lingering a moment longer before she pulled away, the warmth from her touch fading all too soon as he watched her step back into the corridor. "And you know where I am if you need anything too." She called out, hesitating another moment before she was turning and disappearing from his sight.

Drawing in a short breath, Merlin turned back to the forest. Somehow talking to Gwen had managed to ease the worry and the guilt that had been eating away at him. She'd been right. He could only make the choice that he felt was best.

He'd been conflicted, but he supposed that was where the people he trusted came into play. And there was something about Guinevere that made it easier to see that. Maybe she had a magic of her own that he just knew nothing about.

Leaning forwards and tilting his head up, the warlock decided to enjoy the solitude of his hideout for just a while longer, the tension from the day finally beginning to fade as another gust of wind blew around him and a smile rose to his face. His destiny didn't have to include murder, not if he made the choice that it wouldn't, and that was exactly what he was doing, making his choice.

A/N

Am I obsessed with giving Merlin a tower hideout in every story I write? Yes. Will I ever stop? Nope!

I really enjoyed finally writing a Merlin/Gwen story, their friendship is so sweet and I love how awkward Gwen always was with him. I also had fun exploring the way Merlin might have handled the aftermath of his choice. Especially since in the episode you can tell that he'd pretty much made up his mind until he'd spoken to Gwen, so you can't tell me that he didn't feel guilty about that later on.

I hope you guys enjoyed, and thanks so much for your patience! I've spent the last week packing and driving back and forth to a different state and I still have so much more work before I myself am moving, but I promise I'm doing my best to get some good stories out to you! I have plans for a two or three parter for the season one finale, so stay tuned! You guys rock ^-^