She forgives him.
She knows it's expected that she shouldn't want to.
She knows she's not supposed to trust him with her heart again.
But she does.
It took some time, of course.
But where they're at now, she forgives him and she trusts him and she's surprised even herself with how easy it comes.
At first, she was mad.Mad. Hurt. Sad. Confused.
Then slowly the pieces started to come together. She began to understand how broken he was that night he left her in the Mid-Wilshire parking lot. How past traumas had reappeared from where he'd buried them so deep that he thought they were gone and swallowed him whole. How he felt like he was drowning, but instead of pulling her down with him he tried at the last second to give her a life preserver before he went under.
Even though it didn't feel that way to her at the time.At all.
At the time she just couldn't understand how he could've made a split-second decision to walk away from her as if it was the easiest thing in the world for him to do. At the time, she was mad that he wouldn't let her in and let her help or let her make her own decision about who she deserved to be with.
Now she understands that he wasn't himself right then.
She's always advocated for therapy and mental health, so she can't really hold it against him that he came crashing down in the worst way and needed true help. Eventually, she'd come to learn about his emergency therapy session with Dr. London and maybe that was the moment that she began to understand just how badly he had been hurting – both before and after the breakup.
How in his fog of pain and desperation, he reallyhadbeen trying to do what was right for her, no matter how much she didn't agree.
When he brought Kojo to her for her birthday, when he'd melted into her hug in the elevator, when he'd promised her small doses – she understood walking away hadn't, actually, been easy for him.
As time went on, she could see he was trying to make up for his mistakes. She could see he wanted to right what he'd done wrong – with no expectation that she'd rebound back into his arms just because he did so. All he wanted to do was make things right between them as best he could, because of how he cares for her. He'd offered her whatever small doses thatshe'dallow, understanding how much he came back into her life was on her terms. She appreciates it, since he didn't give her a choice in ending them, but it sort of makes her hurt thatnowhe's giving her a say, when she just wishes she'd had a say in what broke her heart.
She loves him. She knows she loves him despite it all, and always will, and she wants to be with him. She's not going to deny herself that just because he made a mistake in the midst of a breakdown and she feels like she's supposed to hold it against him even if she doesn't want to.
She comes to realize that she does still trust him. With her life, of course - that was never a question. But even with her heart. If he's gone through all this – set her free to prevent her from getting poisoned by him - but he's come back for her, he must be confident this time that he can be the person he thinks she deserves. That he's got coping techniques now to help him through. That he's ready to open up to her fully.
That shehadn'tbeen wrong about what she'd always known with certainty – yes, hedoeslove her. Even though he broke up with her, not loving her was not the catalyst. He has to love her the way she always thought, if after all this, after how hard everything has become, he seems to want another chance with her.
She knows he's in therapy, and while it's not a guarantee of anything, it has to make him, and them, stronger than before. It can only help them to do it in a healthier way.
She was scared the first time – and rightfully so, because her exact fears came to fruition.
Only, they didn't. They hadn't ruined everything. Things were different now, but they were still able to work together. She'd even call them friends, again. They don't hate each other like she had feared they would if something went wrong. It wasn't even as stilted or awkward as the period of time after their undercover op in Vegas and them getting together.
In fact, she's less scared to take the risk this time, than she was then.
Because this time she knows how good they can be together. She knows they have things to fix, but they're both willing to put in the work. And if they agree to give it a second try, it's on the condition they both understand this is it, that they want it so badly they're willing to do it again. They're not trying it again just to let it fall apart a second time.
Still, she lets him sweat it out a little, waits for the moment to let him know she's ready, too – that she's forgiven him and trusts him.
She continues to receive his small doses, lets him make things up to her.
She deserves that much, after all.
Then comes the department Halloween party.
A good while before the breakup, months before anyone would think of Halloween, she'd been making her naive plans for the future. She was so sure they would,of course, be together for Halloween that she had started putting a bug in his ear about possible couples Halloween costumes for the two of them to wear. She knew she'd have to start early so she'd have time to wear him down. Of course, he'd beenTimand put up a front about it all, saying he wasn't going to wear any of them and that he wasn't even going to go to the party, but she knew (as well as he did) that he'd give in.
She'd been adamant about her vampiress costume, and had been pretty sure she would be able to convince Tim to be her matching vampire.
After everything, she'd almost changed her costume because she thought showing up in a costume that would give them both reminders of the moments she'd bring it up with him in bed, joking about how vampiresbiteas they lay together on a lazy weekend morning, might make things awkward.
Then she decided to wear it anyway.
She wasn't going to let anyone stop her from doing things she wanted to do.
She has no idea what Tim's going to go as, or if he's even going to dress up, let aloneshowup to the party. It's not the kind of thing they talk about now, even as friendly coworkers. She avoids bringing things up that could relate back to their life as a couple, things they had planned for together, things they would have done together.
But she has a feeling he's going to be there. He wants to be wherever she is, just as he always has.
So Lucy puts on her costume and trudges along to the party, hating that she can't go with Tim.
Celina's going to be there, but she's coming straight from her shift, so Lucy arrives alone. She sees a familiar face right away, and laughs.
Caroline Rodriguez, P2, has the same costume as her.
Caroline typically works the night shift – but Lucy, being Lucy, knows everyone, and she got some time to know Caroline when she took over a night shift for a fellow officer a few months ago.
They both have long, dark, full hair, so she and Lucy discussed the products they use, and the best ways to keep it contained to a bun on patrol. Along the way, their discussion flowed to cruelty free vegan products and Lucy sent her a list of what she uses.
She grins when she sees Caroline, goes up to greet her. "Love the costume," she teases.
"Oh!" Caroline laughs, giving Lucy a once over and seeing they're dressed identically. "I guess – is it the hair? Perfect hair for a vampiress?"
"I mean, I'd be lying if I hadn't considered my hair as an important element of this costume."
Caroline nods. "Maybe I'll finally find the vampire to match."
Lucy feels a sadness encompass her whole body, as it does at the most random times. Another thing she and Caroline had bonded over were bad breakups around the same time. Now the reminder hits her that Tim was supposed to be her vampire counterpart. Tim was supposed to be here with her. She wasn't supposed to also be single at the department Halloween party.
"Yeah," Lucy says softly. "Enjoy your evening!" she adds before she bustles off to catch up with Celina across the way.
Tim's not enjoying this at all.
This is a stupid holiday, a stupid party, and a stupid idea to come here.
He would've had fun, if he was still with Lucy. He knows that. And now he's just here, watching the party go on, thinking about what the day could've very easily been had he not made one of the worst mistakes of his life in a split second.
Sometimes, he still can't believe it. After all those years of her being his rookie, his go-fer, his friend… he managed to get Lucy. And she loved him just as much as he loved her. It had occurred to him every day they were together how lucky he got that she happened to fall for him, just the way he fell for her.
And then he was the one who threw it all away.
In a matter of minutes, he'd ended it, hurt her, and broke his own heart.
Maybe that's why it hurt so much. He hadn't wanted out. He'd tried to be tough about it with Dr. London and Aaron, saying he was fine because he was the one who broke up with her. Truth was, he'd hurt himself just as much by letting her go. On top of it all, he has the pain of being the one who did this to them. At least Lucy can blame him. He has no one to blame but himself.
But the guilt that would consume him for the rest of the life is the way he let her down. Hurt her, like he'd seen others do. Broke her heart like it hadn't meant anything. Made her sad. Broke her trust in him. The one thing they had always,alwayshad was an innate trust and an understanding that they had each other's' backs, even from the choppy waters of the beginning.
He knows from therapy he has to let go of guilt he harbors, and he's working on it. But it's hard to let go of what he did to them. To Lucy.
They're in a good place now – at least, better than he ever would've imagined after the first day he saw her at the station and she blew him off when he tried to say hi – but he can't blame her if it never becomes anything more than this again.
Our of the corner of his eye he catches Lucy's dark, wavy hair from behind and he can see she went with the vampiress costume she'd been talking about months ago, long before they ever broke up.
She's talking to someone – Detective Wilson – and he tries not to feel some sort of way about it.
"Hey, Bradford," Officer Tom Jacobs claps him on the shoulder. "Cool party. Pirate?"
"Uhhh, yeah." Tim doesn't want to talk about his costume. He doesn't want to say that he just threw it together last minute with a striped shirt and some cargo pants that he had left over from his Metro days, that all he had to buy were a few little props to pull it together. He doesn't want to talk about his costume, because it reminds him of the costume that he'snotwearing with Lucy.
God, he was an idiot to ever act like he didn't want to wear a costume with her. Now he'd do it in a heartbeat, whatever she wanted, no complaints (maybe a few complaints, depending).
"You mean, 'argh,' yeah?" Jacobs teases and Tim restrains himself from rolling his eyes.
He'd debated back and forth about even going to the party, but he figures after everything he's put people at this station through this year – Grey, Lucy, Angela, Nolan – it was only fair to make an appearance, after they'd all had his back.
"Hey, Tom," Detective Richard Wilson approaches, nodding at Tim in greeting. Wilson and Jacobs are old friends from patrol, Wilson now a detective. It's clear Wilson wants to talk to his friend, but has to put up with Tim standing there, too in order to do so. "Guess what? I'm going out with Officer-"
"Vampiress?" Jacobs interrupts with a knowing smirk and lets out a whistle. "Nice."
Tim gulps. Not Lucy? There has to be another vampiress here tonight. Right? But he'd just seen her talking to Wilson. His mind refuses to let him believe it could be what it appears.
"You know she's finally single." Oh. "Said she's ready to get back out there after a bad breakup."
"Vampires are sexy," Jacobs agrees with a wink. Tim watches, wondering if either of these guys is even aware of who the vampiress is to him. Apparently, not.
"She's studying to be a detective, so she asked for some advice. Then I took a chance and asked her to dinner. We're actually grabbing something to eat after this. Anddamnshe smells so good. Like rosewater and some sort of flower."
Tim feels his heart fall to the floor.
Lucy's go to body wash.Rosewater, peonies, and pink sea salt.
It's over, he realizes. If she's ready to move on – it's really, really over.
He's not sure what he ever expected, but maybe a small part of him had a hope that she could give him another chance, even though he'd never let himself believe it was possible. In the back of his mind, he had let himself believe it.
Jacobs snorts at him. "Man, you recognize the scent ofrosewater? What's wrong with you?"
The two men start to banter and tease each other, but Tim has long since checked out. "Excuse me, I gotta go," he says as he excuses himself from the conversation.
"What's up with him?" Arnold asks with a frown.
Jacobs shrugs, then they catch a glimpse of Lucy in the distance and realization dawns. "Oh, shit. Chen's a vampiress, too! Bradford thinks it's her." Jacobs lets out a bustling laugh. "Oh man, he's gonna kick your ass."
Tim veers away from his two coworkers, only to turn a corner and come face to face with Lucy.
He takes a breath, feels the anxiety in his stomach start to eat him alive. Her big, brown eyes are wide with curiosity as she looks up at him. "Hey. Hi."
"Hi," he returns, and runs through strategies he's learned in therapy for how to keep calm when he's upset and ready to spiral.
"You having fun, Matey?" she tries to joke, but he just nods, not even responding to her teasing which alerts her immediately.
"Yeah. A blast."
"You okay?" she asks with wide, worried eyes.
"I just need some air," he says simply and brushes past her as he heads outside to the parking lot, leaving her with a frown.
He sits down outside and watches the varied costumed people pass by, distracting himself from his impending anxiety attack by trying to figure out who is who. He sees Bailey in the distance, but doesn't even try to wave or acknowledge her, like he's outside himself and no longer knows any of these people.
Except for one vampiress who is suddenly standing right in front of him, causing him to blink to focus.
"What's wrong?" she asks point blank and Tim blinks.
"Why do you think something's wrong?"
"Because Iknowyou, Tim." She sits down next to him and sighs. "I really hate this parking lot now. Which is unfortunate since I have to, y'know, park here every day."
Tim blinks at her again. "It has one good memory," he says softly and Lucy nods, blinking back the tears.
"Yeah. It does."
"Wilson told me about his date."
Lucy frowns. "His date?"
Tim looks confused, and opens his mouth to speak.
"Night Lucy!" the conversation is interrupted when Officer Rodriguez bounds by on her way to her car. "Oh, by the way - thanks for the recommendation on those cruelty free products. I found a few I like. And the book for the detective's exam."
"Of course," Lucy says with a nod.
"I gotta run. I'm having a dinner date tonight with Rick."
"Ohhh. Have fun!" Lucy cheers, and the dots start to connect in Tim's mind. Lucy turns back to him.
"Wilson said he asked out the vampiress," Tim states.
"Officer Rodriguez," Lucy agrees with a nod.
"Yeah, but he didn't say that. I saw him talking to her from behind and then he said a vampiress who wanted advice about becoming a detective, and she smelled like rosewater."
Realization dawns on Lucy.
"You thought it was me."
"I…. yeah."
Lucy lets out a little laugh. "I don't use that scent anymore," she says softly. "It reminded me too much of our…" she trails off, but Tim understands: it reminded her too much of the showers they would take together.
"Oh."
"You can't recognize me from behind?" she teases.
"She had on that damn cape!" Tim lets himself laugh for a moment. "You have too many doppelgangers."
"She looks nothing like me from the front."
Tim shakes his head. "I'm an idiot."
"You were jealous?"
He looks at her, blinks, then lets out a sigh. "Of course I was."
The way he admits it so easily is her first indication that she's right: things will be different this time. Because Tim ofbeforewould've insisted he wasn't, that he wasfine.
"It wasn't me."
"I can see that, now." Tim blinks. "It could be, one day."
"Tim," she says softly, reaching out to touch his arm.
"I fucked it all up," he says with a deep sigh, his hand rubbing his face, and she can see his torment. The demons that consumed him that night in the parking lot – those are at bay, now, thanks to his therapy, but he's got a new one: letting go of her and causing her pain. It only strengthens her resolve to allow them another chance. She can give him the chance to right his mistake, to try again, to make things work the way theybothwant and deserve. "And when you move on – I can't even be upset about it, because I'm the one who walked away."
"You absolutely can be upset about it," she clarifies gently, and he looks confused. "Because despite it all, you love me. You didn't break up with me because you don't love me," she states confidently, as if it hadn't taken her a long period of time to understand this with the certainty she does in this moment.
Tim's face softens a bit, relief crosses it that she understands that truth. "That's right."
"You regret it."
"I do," he says as he blows out a breath.
"Do you wish we were still together?"
He nods. "I neverwantedto end it, I just…"
"I get it, now."
"I'm so sorry," he says. "For hurting you like that. I was trying to do the right thing but I see now that it was all wrong, for both of us."
"Can I ask you something?" He nods. "Do you ever think about trying again?"
"Of course," he admits.
"So we should get back together," she says, and Tim jostles in surprise, his face contorting through a good number of emotions before he settles on shock, and Lucy holds in her laugh.
Serves him right, she thinks, to be blindsided like that in an instant.
"I… what… are you messing with me?" he wonders, suddenly flashing back to her prank on her last day as a rookie, certain she couldn't be that cruel right now.
"No," she says. "I'm serious. If we're in love with each other and we want to be together, then why are we apart? Do you want to get back together?"
"Yes." The answer comes so fast, he doesn't even have to think about it. "God, more than anything."
"Okay, then. Let's get back together." His eyes widen and Lucy laughs. "Well, guess what. That's how it feels to have your whole life change in the blink of an eye at the hands of the other person. At least I asked what you wanted."
He glares at her suspiciously. "Are you being serious or not?"
"Yes!" she says with a laugh, her face softening. "I am. I mean, the irony was a little funny but jokes aside, Tim, I'm serious. I love you. I want to be with you. I'm not the one who ever wanted out. I forgive you for what happened because I understand now what you were going through and, yes, I trust you, okay? As long as you're telling me this is it – we do it right this time. No secrets, no disappearing, no running away, no conveniently leaving things out, no making choices for the other person. And I'm talking aboutbothof us, because I did some of that, too. All right? We talk about everything. We share everything. We communicate better. We get help – professional help - if we need it. We donotwalk away when things get tough, because I guarantee you there will be a time they will."
"Yes," Tim says quickly, and Lucy can see that he's beginning to understand this is not a prank or some sort of revenge. "Yes, to all of that."
"This is what you want?" she confirms.
"God, of course it is." Lucy nods, and Tim adds, "We'll go at your pace. Whatever you want. It's on your terms, all of it."
Lucy shakes her head vehemently. "No. No, we're doing it together. No one is controlling it. I'm telling you I'm here, I'm ready, I'm in it. Are you telling me the same thing?"
"One hundred percent, I am."
"Okay, then we're in it together. Not on my terms, or your terms. Our terms."
Tim shakes his head, exhausted by the whiplash of what just happened. "I had no idea tonight would end up like this."
Lucy laughs. "Me either."
It's like that night they broke up, all that time ago – neither one of them having planned for it to happen, neither one of them expecting the night to end the way it did, not even the one who initiated it.
"I love you so much," he tells her softly, taking her hand and tracing a soft pattern into the palm and she looks up at him with soft eyes and a gentle smile.
"I know. And I love you, too."
He wants more than anything to kiss her, but it's so new, and they're near all of all their colleagues and they're back to having to figure out how to manage their work situation.
As always, she can read his mind.
"You can kiss me later."
He quirks an eyebrow. "I want to know what you smell like, now."
Lucy throws her head back, and laughs. "You'll find out soon enough." She knows it won't be long before he learns she's switched to citrus, ginger, and sea buckthorn. Tim just chuckles. "Can we just get out of here and… talk? Can I come over? I mean with Celina at my place and all…"
Tim nods eagerly. "Yeah.Yes. Come over. We can talk about everything. Let me get out of here now and you can follow in a bit. I'll order dinner. The food here sucks."
"Thai?" Lucy asks hopefully.
"Sure."
"You remember my order?"
"Of course I do."
"Okay," she says softly, and this moment feels so big and yet, so simple. "I'll see you soon?" He nods, but he looks like he doesn't want to let go, to leave her here in this parking lot once again. "I'll see you soon," she affirms with a squeeze to his hand.
He can't help himself, glances around, steps forward and quickly steals a kiss to her cheek and she grins, laughing a little and chastising him with a flick of her hand as he grins and heads off to his truck.
A new beginning, but at the same time, the continuation of their story.