8 – Choose Us, Please

(My version of the meeting after NavCom)

Opening the door, Kate stepped back to allow Mike entry to her flat.

"Mike, I'm sorry. I should have responded to your text; I didn't expect you so soon. I'm really feeling sore, can we do this some other time?"

"Perhaps you need a personal masseuse," Mike grinned.

"Why, are you applying for the job?"

Mike didn't miss a beat, "if you'll let me" he said.

Kate was speechless, still standing on the stoop, Mike continued before losing his nerve, "NavCom came through….I've been promoted to Commander, Kate. You are no longer under my command. Knocker, Commander White, granted my request for a shore posting just this afternoon" Mike rushed.

"Mike, what are you saying? You put your papers in months ago, I thought you'd changed your mind."

"Kate, do you think I could come in, can we talk about this?"

She stepped back further, leading him into the lounge, indicating he should sit down. Mike remained standing, preferring to pace the room. Kate sank slowly into the sofa, partly from being sore but also in shock from his declaration.

"You're right, I never thought it would take so long for promotion, it's been on my mind, you've been on my mind."

"Sir, I…don't know what ….."

"I'll admit, I've been confused, personally and professionally since you boarded my boat. Having you under my command has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Watching you grow toward your goal of command; I've been so proud of you Kate. You're going to be great."

"That's kind of you sir, but…"

"But …You, …us…, my feelings for you. Sending you into harm's way, waiting for you to return safely, seeing you with another man. Kate, it's tearing me apart. I can't resolve my feelings about wanting to be with you and wanting to be at sea. I thought I could have both. You're so close but so far, forbidden but so tempting. I want you to achieve your dreams…"

Mike stopped pacing and dropped to his knees before her, he took both of her hands in his, his eyes locking onto hers, pleading with her for understanding.

"Mike" said Kate, "I need you to listen to me." He nodded, gazing into her eyes, simultaneously breathing in her scent. Being this close, finally unburdening himself to her was both relief and torture.

"Focus Mike, I need to know you hear me."

"Okay, I'm listening" he said pulling back slightly and letting go of her hands.

"Mike, do you know the definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result. You've been making all the decisions about us without consulting me. I'm not a mind reader – you hint and then nothing happens. You left me before without so much as an explanation. You essentially chased Jim Roth away before we could develop a deeper relationship. You love being at sea and now you've decided a shore posting is what's best for "us". We've both been in dangerous situations, it's part of our job. That won't change even if we are not in the same chain of command. You've changed your mind before. How do I know you won't change your mind again?"

"You're right Kate. I've been sending mixed signals because, well, I've been so mixed up. I thought I could help you achieve your goal of a command and remain impartial. But I know now I can't. Me stepping away from Hammersley opens up the opportunity for your promotion. I don't want to hold you back personally or professionally. I don't want to hold back anything, cards on the table. I know you are tired, and this is a lot to take in. I'd understand Kate. Send me away, if that's truly what you want," said Mike. "As of today, you are no longer under my command; it won't affect your career, it's your decision" he whispered.

"Send you away or…?" asked Kate.

"Or…let me stay. Let us be together, let us grow – together. Let us make decisions about us, our future, together. I'm clear headed now Kate, and I am asking, not just hinting. Clear signal from Mike to Kate, not CO to XO. Give me, us, another chance, please Kate."

Kate lowered her head. Dam him, he had lousy timing. She was so tired and sore; here he was, offering her everything she thought she wanted but for the past 3 years couldn't have - both a career and him.

Mike pushed her over the edge saying, "I do love the sea, but Kate, I love you so much more."