Darkness settled in around the young warlock as Merlin sat at the table, one hand settled on the rough wood while the other held the chain of a necklace up in the air. A small pendant turned back and forth, and the boy leaned back in his chair with a frown.
Huffing out a sigh, he set the necklace on the table's surface and glanced around the room. The old Court Sorcerer's tower had been empty until a few hours before when Merlin had brought up a broken table he'd fixed and an old chair he'd found abandoned in the dungeon.
Sitting on the table along with the necklace was a burning candle and a goblet of water. Across the room, perched on the sill of a partially opened window, Archimedes sat watching him while he brooded.
The necklace sitting before him seemed harmless enough, but it was the sole reason that Uther Pendragon was dead. It was also the reason that Arthur was now King of Camelot.
Guilt tore Merlin apart from the inside out every time he looked at that stupid piece of jewelry. He should have checked for something like that. He should have been more careful.
Dropping his head, Merlin wearily rubbed a hand down his face. It was late into the night, and he knew he should have returned home hours ago, but he couldn't stop thinking about all the what ifs. What if he'd been more careful? What if he'd told Arthur no? What if he'd refused to help?
Stretching one arm out across the table, Merlin leaned against it with a sigh and closed his eyes. What if he'd ruined everything? What if it was solely his fault now that Arthur had turned against magic? What if nothing ever changed because of that?
At some point, thinking through the different thoughts plaguing his mind, Merlin began to drift off. He only realized that it was happening when a knocking sound startled him awake, causing the warlock to bolt upright and turn.
Leaning against the open doorframe, Arthur stood watching him, his eyes studying the warlock in silence. The man had obviously dressed himself either in the darkness or in a hurry. Or both. His clothes were loose and untucked, and his boots had been carelessly tugged on. His hair was also mussed to one side, like he'd jumped out of bed without another thought to his appearance.
"What are you doing here?" Merlin finally asked, his voice thick from sleep and making him wonder just how long he'd been dozing.
"I thought I might find you here." Arthur stated, his eyes suddenly wandering around the room. "I looked for you at home a while ago, but Gaius said that you had stepped out. And given the fact that the tavern is closed, this was the only other place I figured you would go."
Merlin blinked a couple of times as his tired brain worked to process what the man was saying. "Okay, but, why are you here? Are you alright? Did I forget to do something?" The warlock asked, rubbing again at his eyes before he caught sight of the necklace. Easing his other hand over it, he covered it with his palm while Arthur stepped into the room.
"When did you acquire furniture and when did you bring it up here?" The prince—or rather the king now—questioned, eyeing the pieces with a frown before his gaze landed on the owl watching him. "Hello, Archimedes." Arthur nodded, causing the bird to squawk in response.
"Arthur," Merlin said slowly, trying for the question yet again. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in your room, with guards outside, sleeping?"
"I couldn't sleep, alright? Are you happy now?"
"Why would I be happy about that?" Merlin frowned, sliding the necklace into his lap while rubbing his eyes again with a yawn.
Arthur stopped across the room and turned, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest. "Perhaps I should do something with all this empty space now that I'm king." He murmured, the comment obviously more to himself than Merlin, and the warlock fell quiet.
He hated the idea of the room turning into anything else other than his escape from the world.
"How are you fairing?" Merlin asked a moment later, drawing the blond's attention back to him.
"I get enough of those questions from Guinevere, Merlin. I don't need them from you now as well."
Pressing his lips tightly together, the boy slipped the necklace into his pocket and sighed. "Alright, fine. How is your sword, Arthur?"
"What are you talking about?" The man asked incredulously.
"What do you mean? You didn't want me asking how you are so I'm asking how your sword is instead."
"You're an absolute idiot." Arthur scowled as Merlin threw his hands up into the air, causing Archimedes to shake out his wings and fly across the room to the other window.
"You're here in the middle of the night, Arthur. I can't be expected to know what you do and don't want from me right now!"
"And why are you here in the old sorcerer's tower in the middle of the night with furniture you obviously brought up here to decorate with?" Arthur demanded, the two men locking their stares with each other.
Finally, Merlin broke their contest and slumped in his seat. "What's on your mind tonight, Arthur?"
He expected another snarky response, or for the man to snap at him. Instead, the new king stared across the room at where Archimedes sat preening his feathers.
"I'm not ready." He whispered the words so quietly that Merlin could barely make them out even in the silence.
"To be king?" Merlin asked, leaning forward while the blond scowled.
"You didn't have to come to that realization quite so quickly, Merlin." Arthur snapped, though the usual irritation those words carried was weak at best.
"You've been preparing for this day for years now, Arthur." Merlin said slowly, afraid he'd cause the man to storm out. "You are ready."
"You say that, but you don't even know the half of it." Arthur laughed mirthlessly, his hand lifting to his chest. "It feels as if I have a stone crushing me, suffocating me more and more each time I realize that I can no longer go to my father for advice or help."
Shaking his head and letting his hand drop, the man sucked in a shallow breath. "The entirety of this kingdom and it's people now rest solely on my shoulders." Closing his eyes, Arthur barely shook his head. "Every choice. Every decision. All of it will come down to how I rule and whether I will be a fair and just king."
Merlin's throat constricted and his mouth went dry, but he managed to get the words out all the same. "You're afraid."
"I am not!" Arthur barked, and even in the darkness Merlin could see his face turning red.
"Sounds like you're afraid." Merlin shrugged.
"I'll have you flogged for talking that way to me!"
"It's alright to be afraid of things, Arthur." The warlock said gently, causing the other man's eyes to narrow.
"You have to say that because you're terrified of everything."
Merlin rolled his eyes in response. "I'm only terrified of one thing."
"And that is?" Arthur challenged.
Suddenly Merlin sat up straight and stared the blond dead in the eye. "That I'll never be accepted."
"Accepted by who?" Arthur snorted, leaving the warlock to slowly sink back into his chair.
"What are you afraid of, Arthur?"
"I'm not afraid of anything." The king huffed, but after a moment his shoulders began to slump, and he pressed his hands firmly against the wall behind him. "I'm afraid of failing my kingdom and my father." Arthur spoke, staring out the window into the dark, cloudy sky. "I'm afraid that magic will destroy the legacy that he built." Dropping his head, the man's shoulders shook once with a brittle laugh. "There, now you know."
"Now I know." Merlin nodded, turning his head to look at Archimedes.
"I can't be afraid if I'm going to rule this kingdom."
"Do you really think that your father was never afraid?" The warlock asked, watching while the owl sank down against a gust of wind and set his dark eyes on the man across the room.
"He never showed it." Arthur murmured, finally looking back at Merlin.
"And neither do you."
The blond snorted at that, a weak smile lifting to his face. "Except for right now."
"And only to one person and a bird. I'd say you're doing fairly well, considering." Merlin smirked as Arthur pushed away from the wall and ran a hand through his bedraggled hair.
"I don't even know why I came up here."
"To be annoyed by me, of course." The warlock grinned, watching as Arthur headed for the door, his shoulders still slouched in defeat.
"Arthur." Merlin called out, causing the man to pause and look back at him. "I've said from the beginning that you'll be a great king, and I still believe that. As does Gwen and Gaius. This kingdom trusts and believes in you."
Arthur's eyes lifted to the ceiling and his smile wavered as he blinked quickly. "It's my fault their king is dead."
"No, it's not." Merlin shook his head, his hand clenching the necklace through his trouser pocket.
"My father would be horrified if he knew that I tried to use magic to save him."
"Perhaps." Merlin nodded once. "But you cannot rule in the shadow of your father or what he left behind."
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Arthur demanded.
"You will rule in your own way, making your own decisions. You don't have to follow everything he did, all of his decrees."
"Only the time I didn't, he died. My father was right about magic. He always was." Arthur spoke sternly, and Merlin fought back the hurt he felt at the words. "You are right about one thing though; it's my time to lead as I see fit."
Turning around again, Merlin closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at the man nearly at the door. "Arthur?"
"What?"
"The back of your shirt is tucked up in on itself."
Stopping in his tracks, the king reached behind him and pulled free a small knotted piece of the fabric and his shoulders tensed. "Make sure you wake me early tomorrow." The man snapped over his shoulder before disappearing out into the corridor, leaving Merlin and Archimedes alone again.
"Sure." Merlin answered the empty room.
Pulling the necklace free from his pocket again, Merlin held it aloft in the air as fear of his own swirled around him, mixing with a new flood of what ifs.
What if Arthur never changed? What if he found Merlin out and never accepted him? What if something happened to Arthur before he changed the laws? Too many questions spun around in his head the same way the necklace spun around in the air.
A/N
A light chapter because one, the last episode broke my HEART. And two, because I posted a LONG chapter that I don't think anyone hardly read because notifications are broken (on fanfiction at least, not AO3) ;-; I was SO proud of my last chapter too, so I'm disheartened and a bit discouraged.
So if you're seeing this, and you didn't previously read a monster of a chapter about a time loop, make sure to go back and check it out! I also love hearing from you guys, so leave me a review! I can't wait to get into the stories with Arthur being king! Also, because I just noticed, WE HIT FIFTY CHAPTERS OF THIS STORY! Thank you all for sticking with me for so long!