Deciding he was going to live was a lot harder than deciding he was going to die.

Especially when it came paired with Illumi disappearing the night of his first kill and his mother returning the day after to take care of his training. When he asked her about it, she put her head in her hands and cried, "He's in a better place now," Then she wiped the tears dripping beneath her visor and revealed her ecstatic smile, "He's in torture training! Already! My beautiful Illumi is progressing so fast. It's like he grew up while I wasn't looking."

Milluki's sweat dripped down his cheek, silent, as he got a complete course reminder of his mother's psychotic love. He watched her gush, "He's only eight years old, and he's already begun; I'm just so proud of him! He might have done it out of order, but with how it's going, he'll be a full-fledged assassin in about three years. I'm so happy for my dear Illumi!"

"So I won't see Illu for three years?" Milluki asked, getting ignored as his mother sobbed happily and continued about her 'Dear Illumi.' Milluki realized quickly that he didn't fully appreciate how good he had it with Illumi till the emotionless robot up and left. Psychopathic as his brother was, or sociopathic, he wasn't really sure about the difference; there wasn't much he could complain about in comparison with his mother. She was awful.

"Oh, sorry, dear. Did I forget about you for a second?" his mother said worriedly, proving his point with the following sentence: "Don't worry!" She smiled and clapped her hands excitedly. "I'll give you my full attention from now on!"

"I'd really rather you didn't."

"Nonsense." His mother chuckled as if he were joking. He wasn't, but he knew his words wouldn't matter. She was already digging through her dress for vials of painful remedies. "Now, where did your brother leave off? Rainbow Eel's Blood or Twisted Oak's Sap? I have both, just in case."

Milluki scowled as he watched his mother hold up both, her head titled and red visor blinking expectantly. He knew the answer. Obviously, it was the Eel Blood, and it was going to suck and leave him twitching on the ground for at least an hour, but looking at the vials, he had an idea. He tilted his head and asked with what he hoped sounded like curiosity, "Actually, I think he was supposed to give me Pink Hyacinths today. He wanted to show me how they worked."

"Oh, that's so wonderful! " his mother gushed, her hands clasped together as she sniffled and wiped a tear beneath her visor. "My little Milluki told his first lie. That's an important skill you'll need to develop Milluki. We'll practice after today's training."

Milluk flinched, the hair prickling on his neck as his mother snatched his arm and inserted the syringe of Eel Blood into the crook of his elbow, her tone casual as he began convulsing and fell to the floor. He gasped, biting his tongue so he wouldn't scream as he heard his mother tutt, "If you wanted to know more about Pink Hyacinths, you should have just asked, silly; I'm the poison expert in our family for a reason. Now, where to begin."

That was the last time he tried to pull one over on Mother. He quickly learned that straight-up lying wouldn't work. He needed to be more subtle about what he wanted. Currently, what he was looking for was information. He needed to know more about the family to survive training. The poison he'd been screwed over by seemed to be a good start.

"Pink Hyacinths give the target headaches and migraines. With my special blend, however, they can reduce the chemical reactions in the brain, reducing emotions like guilt, sympathy, and empathy."

Milluki listened to the lecture while writhing on the floor. The poison had shocked his muscles, making him unable to speak. All he could do was listen.

"I was so happy to hear you're finally starting to show symptoms."

He hated her voice as much as the poison.

"You know, dear, Zoldycks usually have an incredible resistance to poison from birth. That's why all Pink Hyacinths usually do is lower a child's resistance to the notion of killing. It was more relied on back in the first few generations of Zoldycks. Before our family started adapting."

Milluki begrudgingly learned that Pink Hyacinth wasn't the be-all and end-all drug. It seemed to work less on those born with solid genes and inherently strong poison resistance—i.e., not him.

"I'm not sure if it even worked on Illumi. He was born so strong and perfect that I doubt it changed much. But from what he told me, your doses were incredibly successful! You didn't show any aversion after your first kill; I'm so proud of you!"

Milluki barely had enough Zoldyck genes to keep him from being culled. Because he was weaker, he resisted the Pink Hyacinths less, and it worked fully. That meant he wouldn't have to worry about Killua or Kalluto. It wouldn't work as well on them. They'd still end up killing without remorse, but it hopefully wouldn't be as shocking of a development as his.

Alluka was a different story.

The image of Alluka sucking her thumb as a servant got crushed in front of her suddenly made a lot more sense. Milluki thought back to a scene as Eel's blood tried to shock him to death. Killua said it himself: Her body was like an average person's. If he had to guess, she had been born weaker than he was. It was only her nen that allowed her to survive being culled.

"I'm so sorry I didn't see your first kill."

Alluka was a special case. The only Zoldyck in history who was born frail was allowed to live.

"But don't worry, my dear Milluki."

Alluka was the first weak Zoldyck to survive.

"I promise I'll be there to see your next one."

Milluki had to be the second.

Zero Illumies passed, and eventually, Milluki had to find a new method to tell time. Thankfully, his mother did something nice for once.

"You got me a computer?" Milluki asked as he limped down the halls to his room. His lip busted, and his eye swollen after his mother beat him half to death during sparring. She walked beside him, her red visor beaming as she smiled, "Of course, dear. I didn't know what you wanted, but it should be like the one at the servant's quarters. It took a while to arrive, but it should be ready. You can ask the servants if there is anything you dislike about it. They set it up in your room this morning."

"Really?" Milluki asked, his eyes narrowed slightly, "Why?"

"It's a present for your first kill." She giggled, pinching Milluki's bruised cheek as he hissed and swatted her away. She laughed happily and put her hand fan to her lips, wistfully recounting in a sing-song voice, "Ah, I remember my first kill. It was so long ago, walking along the slums of Meteor City. I used my nails, sharpened them myself, mind you."

Milluki watched his mother sigh, his desire to leave growing with her every passing word. He could tell her psychotic heart was probably fluttering at the grotesque memory, "Oh, Milluki, you should've seen it. The body, the blood, the cool night sky. It was amateurish, I'll admit, but it was special. That's why I was so touched when I saw the corpse you left."

Milluki watched as his mother cried, sobbing as she reached out and petted his head. Their walk ended at the door to his room. He froze, his muscles stiff, as she looked at him proudly and whispered, "You aimed for the same place I did. It made me so happy."

Milluki shivered. He was off-put by its genuineness, although he supposed his mother was always genuine. No, that wasn't what surprised him; it was its softness and tenderness. It was a mother's love, and Milluki felt strange.

"Thanks... I guess."

He despised it less than he thought he would.

"Can I go now?" Milluki murmured, rubbing his arm as he looked away. This was weird. He wasn't used to this version of Mother, which softly praised instead of fanatically cheered. He wanted to leave before he got used to it, "I want to play some games now that training's done."

"Ah, you already like my gift! That's wonderful!" His mother said happily, opening her fan with a smile no doubt hidden behind it. Milluki frowned glumly as she tapped his head with the fan, "Go ahead; I don't see the appeal personally. The only games I've played are the ones your grandfather has dragged me into, but you have fun. You've earned it. Just don't forget to get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow's a big day."

"Sure," Milluki grumbled, not really knowing the details about tomorrow's plan since Mother seemed to want to make it a surprise. He huffed as she patted his head again with her fan and vanished. He sighed, tossing the strange encounter from his mind as he entered his room and spotted the new computer, the same model and make as the one in the servant's quarters. Milluki looked at it.

"Tsubone!"

He immediately didn't trust it, subsequently calling the servant he knew would be waiting in the halls. He turned to the door and watched Tsubone, the giant she was, open the door and duck in. Standing tall before, she put a gloved hand over her chest and bowed, "You called, little master."

"Is there a bomb in that?" Milluki asked as he pointed at the computer, bluntly asking if this was some test that was going to blow up in his face. He waited as Tsubone straightened and adjusted her monocle. She spoke plainly, "No, little master, there is no bomb inside it."

Well, that was good news.

"Your mother didn't want to spoil your first kill."

Okay, worse news. That meant future presents were fair game.

"Wonderful," Milluki clicked his tongue as he turned to the computer and turned it on. He let it start up before glancing back as Tsubone stood silently. Milluki huffed as he returned to the computer and asked, "Hey, Tsubone. Why are you the one that's watching after me?"

It had been a question he'd had for a while. He could understand when he was in the crib; that seemed the only time his safety was considered necessary, but now he was probably two, and she was still here. Milluki knew she was the most crucial servant in the estate; he figured she'd be busy serving Father or Mother.

"Don't you have better things to do?"

Milluki was curious. He planned on browsing for the few hours he had in the day, and dinner would probably be brought to him later, so he didn't have anything important to do. He figured settling his curiosities would be an excellent way to pass the time.

"Little master, if I may be so blunt."

Tsubone gave him the one he expected.

"Then yes, I have many better things I could be doing." She said, adjusting her monocles shamelessly as Milluki scoffed. He was voicing his slight annoyance as he started browsing to see if this world had any delivery services so he could order stuff on the family tab. "Then why are you here?"

"I was assigned to you," she elaborated. "It's a tradition that the most trusted servant is assigned to the youngest Zoldyck until they have completed their first mission, after which the responsibility can fall upon any of the Zoldyck family servants."

"Is there a reason for that?" Milluki asked as he located a delivery service similar to Amazon in his old world. He grinned as he clicked it and started skimming, listening to Tsubone the entire while.

"During the older days, Zoldyck children were most often assassinated in their infancy by rival families. Having the most trusted servant watch over them is a precaution to prevent such incidents." Tsubone elaborated, "Once you finish your first mission, however, it will become known that you are no longer a 'helpless' infant, and the likelihood of hired guns aiming for you is lessened."

"So then they could afford to give me to any old servant, huh," Milluki murmured, licking his lips as he found what he sought. "Hey, Tsubone, does the family have a credit card?"

"It does."

"Can I use it?"

"You will have access to it after your first mission to buy any necessary supplies for future assignments." Tsubone said, and he could practically hear the disapproval in her voice, "Not for dinosaur bones, little master Milluki."

"Oh, butt out. They're for a mission. The most important mission." Milluki said, "Mike."

"Mike already has a selection of premium-grade bones, little master."

"At least try to look ashamed if you're gonna break my heart, would you?" Vera said flatly as Tsubone smiled innocently. He clicked his tongue and gave up on buying things for now. He changed to an online game. He would see Mike or check out the forest to pass the time, but he'd make it there by tomorrow if he left now, so this computer was his best source of entertainment until he could run down a mountain quick enough for it not to be a hassle.

"So when is the first mission?" Milluki asked, his finger shaking on the mouse before he stilled it and clicked on an online game. He asked, "Mother said something about tomorrow, that isn't it, right?"

"Little Master Milluki, your first mission is still far away," Tsubone said, and Milluki understood quickly that she wouldn't elaborate. His eyes lingered on Tsubone's reflection in the computer as he gauged her reaction to his next question, "What about after the first mission? What do I have to do then?"

"I can't say, Little Master," Tsubone said stone-faced, making Milluki believe she meant it. He turned his gaze back to the game as she clarified. "Details of your training regimens are left solely to Lady Kikyo and Master Silva to decide. You should ask one of them for the details.

"I'll ask Mother tomorrow, then." Milluki said, his attention back on the computer as he asked, "Hey, Tsubone. Once you're gone, who are they going to replace you with? Which servant?"

"Nothing has been decided yet," Tsubone said, "Although it will most likely be by Gotoh or Amane. They are the most trusted besides me. Amane is the most likely as she is closer in age to you."

"That sucks." Milluki huffed, "Can I get Gotoh instead," Milluki asked as he checked Tsubone's reaction. Nothing changed on her face besides the slight raise of her eyebrow, "If it is as you'd desire, Little master. However, may I ask why? I can say that Amane is closer in age to you, and I have personally trained her to serve well."

"I just feel like it." Milluki shrugged, making it look like he wasn't looking for Tsubone's reaction. He had a feeling she was starting to notice, "Gotoh is cool, and I liked him back in the testing thing. I'd rather him be assigned to me than anyone else."

"Even me, little master?" Tsubone said with a slight grin on her lips. Milluki spotted it in the reflection the second before it vanished. He scowled as the old woman stared at him in the reflection, indicating that she knew. He huffed and turned back to the game he was steadily losing.

"Especially you."

"You hurt this old lady, little master."

"And you want to hurt this little master, old lady." Milluki rolled his eyes. He gave up on the game. He glanced back and saw Tsubone looking at him with a curious expression. She asked, "How so?"

Milluki's scoffed.

"Don't you hate me?" Milluki asked because it just felt that way most of the time. Even if he didn't have the show to go off of, which he did, and he remembered her saying something about having no love for Illumi or him, he could just tell. Tsubone was good at acting indifferent now, but she hadn't bothered shielding her facial expression from when he was a baby.

"You like it when I get tortured."

He'd only seen Tsubone happy when she handed him off to Mother for training.

"Don't you?" Milluki asked as he watched Tsubone stare at him silently. It was almost a good minute before her lips curled up, and a small laugh escaped her throat, her monocle gleaming as she smiled, put a gloved hand on her chest, and bowed. "Why, little master, there seems to be a misunderstanding. I don't enjoy the act of you being tortured. That is distasteful."

Milluki frowned as she looked him in the eyes, her monocle shielding her right one from scrutiny. He scowled as she tilted her head innocently, "This old lady just loves to know that soon you will be useful to Master Silva and old Master Zeno. It is all I could ever ask for. I apologize if that love has come misconstrued. I meant no ill intent."

"I'm sure you didn't," Milluki grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair as he watched Tsubone straighten and adjust her monocle. Her voice was serious, "As your first question..."

Tsubone tilted her head slightly, her eyes eventually finding Milluki's as she seemed to consider it. To look for something, anything she enjoyed about his presence, before settling on an answer. She spoke honestly, "No, little master."

Milluki was starting to hate this.

"I suppose I don't have any love for you."

This entire conversation felt like shit.

"You can leave now, Tsubone," Milluki said as Tsubone nodded and vanished, leaving the room so quickly and quietly that he didn't even hear the door close. Milluki sighed, turning back to his computer. He clicked his mouse and began searching for new things to do. Anything to do, really. He decided on an old MMORPG online game that seemed to have actual people playing on the servers. Maybe he'd make an online friend or two while he played.

"Let's see... Nark, huh."

It'd be nice, considering he didn't have anyone he considered a friend.

"You'll have to do."

Not in this family, at least.

The next day, Milluki was surprisingly in a good mood. He'd played House of Hunters with Nark the day before, and the guy was cool. He even said he was new to the game, too, since he'd only recently made a computer out of parts he found in a trash heap. Milluki friended him and promised to play whenever he got the chance.

"So, mother, what will my training look like?"

Assuming he survived training, that is.

"You know, not just for today but until I'm an assassin." Milluki walked beside his mother with a sour taste in his mouth, trying his best to ignore it as his mother smiled, "Ooh? Are you finally taking an interest in training? That's wonderful, dear."

"That isn't what I-"

"Where to begin?" Milluki's mother murmured, ignoring his rebuttal. She hummed, "Well, poison resistance training is the first step, usually lasting until three or four. Then you'll have to do missions, easy stuff, of course, before going to Heaven's Arena at five. Depending on how well you do on that, you'll either go back to missions for a while or straight to torture training. The last step in your training."

"The last step, huh?" Milluki said, glancing at Mother's face as he asked, "That's what Ilu's doing, right? So he won't have to learn anything after?"

"No, dear. Afterward, he'll be a full-fledged assassin," she said, and Milluki shivered as her red visor flicked his way. "Why, did you hear anything differently?"

"I was just curious." Milluki shrugged, looking away instantly as he felt Mother's gaze linger. His muscles stiffened against his will. He tried to hide his shiver as his Mother said, "Okay, dear, make sure to keep up that attitude. It'll be good for you in the future."

"Yes, Mother," Milluki whispered as he felt Mother's gaze flick away. His shoulders relaxed slightly, a tiny breath of relief escaping his lungs as he asked, "Is there any training that will be bad for me?"

"Bad for you? Of course not, dear, why would you ask that?" His mother said, and Milluki frowned. How would he word it? Should he just ask her, but how would she react? He didn't know. Milluki groaned before spitting out, "Will I die? Illu said I probably wouldn't survive training. Which part?"

"Oh, dear, don't be so paranoid." She said, shaking her head, "Illumi is very cautious, perfect for an assassin, but terrible for inspiration. I promise you will do fine. Let's not talk about this; it'll spoil the surprise!"

"But, I-"

"No, no, no buts. We're here." She said as Milluki sighed, turning to the door. They were deep in the manor somewhere, and he wasn't sure exactly where they had ended up. All he knew was that when he followed Mother into the room, there were many weapons, and he meant a lot.

"Now, Milluki, I set it all up like before."

He didn't really take notice of any of them.

"I tried to contain myself but couldn't sleep knowing I'd missed such an important milestone."

What drew Milluki's attention was the skinny woman tied to a chair in the center, their eyes bound and mouth gagged. Milluki saw it and froze, his eyes glossy as he saw his mother stand behind the captive, her smile wide and proud as she gestured to the vast array of weapons.

"Take your pick."

Milluki felt his head pulse, his eyes low as he murmured.

"And if I don't?"

There was a pause, a flicker in his mother's visor before she clasped her hands around the captive's petrified head. She seemed to be shaking, "I'm so proud, Milluki; your little half-truth earlier was better, but you've seemed to really take yesterday's lessons to heart."

Milluki watched lifelessly as his mother's nails scraped across the girl's face, gouging deep into flesh and drawing muffled screams from the captive.

"That was such a great lie you just told."

Milluki lowered his head, his eyes closed. He could hear the memory of what happened two nights prior mixed with the muffled cries erupting from the girl. Her face was scarred with blood and tears. He sighed and grabbed the knife from a nearby table. He didn't need to think too hard about the consequences of failure. Those had already been well established.

"Now, chop, chop, Milluki. Don't keep your mother waiting."

He had little doubt he'd be the one in the chair if he didn't comply, and he knew even if he resisted, it wouldn't matter. His mother would threaten him, and he'd cave. It had been proven two nights ago. When push comes to shove, he'd panic and do it.

"I can hardly contain myself."

Survival was his first priority.

Late that night, alone on his bed and looking up at the dim ceiling, Milluki thought. His eyes were lifeless after killing his second person, and he was unable to feel anything about it. He looked up and closed his eyes before sitting up and staring.

I hate this place...

Milluki closed his eyes and crossed his legs as he sat. He didn't know much about meditation, other than that it supposedly involved sitting down and thinking super hard, but this felt like something he should do—he had to do it. Not just because it would be nice if he stumbled upon the secrets of Nen doing this but also because he needed it.

I hate killing.

He couldn't let himself forget.

I didn't want to kill them.

What he wanted. His goal. To not be a killer. To not be forced to kill one day. To be an exception.

I hate killing.

He just needed to figure out how to survive.

I didn't want to kill them.

Then, he could figure everything else out.

Survival is your first priority.

Milluki sighed as the memory rang in his head, his eyes low as he glanced out the window, overlooking the mountain the manor rested on and letting him see a bit of the outside world. He could glimpse a small portion of the domain outside the gates, away from the Zoldyck property, away from all this.

I'll die if I run...

Milluki hated this place.

I'll die if I don't kill.

Milluki hated everything about it.

Apparently, I'll die in training at some point.

Milluki sighed as he looked down, messing with his blood-stained fingers as he tried to figure it out.

What options do I have that don't end in death?

There were steps, things he had to do to stay alive and one day break free of this killing he was required to do. He laid them out in his head and quickly came up with the first one—the first step in his process.

How long do I have...

He had to figure out how much time he was working with.

How long until they kill me?

That was the question. How long would he have until he was killed off? What training exercise was the most expected to fail? Or would it be the missions? His money was on torture training, which sounded painful, but he couldn't be sure. It definitely wouldn't be nen training; from what his mother said, he either didn't learn it here, or it was supposed to be kept a secret until after he was done with torture training, in which it would already be too late. Mother didn't seem keen on giving up the details, Father wasn't an option, and Tsubone said the servants weren't involved in that process. Or she said that because they weren't allowed to speak on it. Either way, he was lost.

Someone has to know...

Milluki couldn't think of anything until he glanced out the window, watching the raging thunderstorm outside, and saw something flying in the cover of the dark clouds. Yellow wings flicked into sight before vanishing, lost in storms that occasionally encircled the mountaintop.

A dragon.

Milluki watched, his eyes wide, as he traced the sky and saw that golden scales briefly lingered above the highest room of the manor. The thunderstorms shielded the beast from Milluki's full view, but he had caught glimpses of it lowering its grand head below the clouds. Milluki glanced at the room, squinting through the heavy rain and flashing lightning, and realized something.

"Hey, Tsubone."

There was someone else in the manor he could ask.

"I'll be back," Milluki said to a seemingly empty room, knowing that Tsubone was somewhere listening. He jumped off the bed, moving to the door as he slipped out, and headed to the top floor. He checked briefly to see if Tsubone would stop him, but he figured he was in the clear since she hadn't. He headed up the stairs and turned right.

"It's to the left, little master."

Then, he immediately turned around, looking annoyed at the empty hall that had answered his plea. He stuck his tongue out at Tsubone, wherever she was, and continued onward. His thoughts rampant as he moved. He had to get the information he wanted at any cost. He couldn't afford to be brushed off again. If he were, then he would be out of options.

What did mother say again...

Only one person left in the family could plausibly tell him what he needed to know. Mother danced around the topic; Father wasn't an option, and the servants were tied down. This was his last chance. He couldn't afford to fail. He might not get the opportunity to ask again.

He likes games.

Thankfully, he and his grandfather had something in common.